TWAZOID: EXPLANATION. I'M WET FROM...RAIN, AND YOUR SUPPOSEDLY DRY!

Hey everyone! yes i know, we get to hear a little background story from lovely Sexward-obsessed and Horella-Bella.

Sorry for the wait guys, and i fixed last chapter for those minor mistakes, any big ones can stay like they are :)
Such as grammar and that wotnot.
Usually i would care, but once i finish the story i may go back and fix up a hell of a lot of buggeration mistakes!

P.s- Firstly. Love me because I'm English.

Secondly. This will be my last chapter for two weeks. I'm going to Thailand =}

Thirdly. Dont hate me because i like tea, its a world win win situation.

Disclaimer- I don't own anything of Twilight's variation. No book rights, no nothing. I only steal characters that have been made, and turn them into something very strange and weird. Based upon my friends -that's a lie BTW, no one can possibly explain how odd THEY are-

Loves my lovelies-

Elli

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

EPOV! ( yes i am aware that there isn't a real serious tense form in my story, but I'm trying get out a bit of Sexwards marvelously cool brain )

"Sooo..." Bella pondered as i watched her step from rock to rock.

It doesn't matter that she is boring. It doesn't matter to me that she looks like a horse and smells twice as ugly.

(because that's how good my nose is.. i can SMELL ugly.. and what i'm smelling from you right now is a mixture between ugly and armadillo..)

"Soo.. what?" i replied, staring at her butt as she fell forward on he face, her ass sticking up in the air. I wonder what it would be like, to ride that butt. maybe we could win the Melbourne cup? few bits of leather.. a whip here and then and may-

"Edward! are you listning! i've been droning on about how come your in the light and how do you become a vampire in my stupid whiny voice and you havn't replied! Don't you love me Edward!" she wailed, flailing her arms about crazily.

I shot forward and wrapped my arms around her, her flshlight digging into my thigh. "bella of coarse i love you" i said back, sympathetically.

"even if you are a crazy, clingy, whiney bitch" i muttered, to low for human ears to hear.

But she wasn't a human...

she was a horse.

'And damn a fine one of that!' i thought grinning.

Bella looked at me oddly, possibly contemplating what to do, whether to eat my hair, or lick my nose. each are tempting i should now.

I've done it.

Give a vampire Cuervo and strip poker and some craaaazy shit can happen .

"Whats fine one of that?" She asked me curiously, her tounge darting up into her nostril. Damn.. what that tounge could do.

I thought back to the first day i saw Bella. When she walked into my life, my soul, my pants...

Well not my pants..

but i'd like her too.

"Just the veiw. So you know i am a vampire?" i questioned, raising my eyebrow sexily. i knew chicks digged that, Jessica sent me constant images about sex.

with me and her.

it was nauseating, because all i could think about now was sex.

with bella and me.

Bella and i.

Her fine rump and me.

horse.

Whimper.

i shook my head to bring myself back to the present.

"Yeah, i knew this book told me" with that she pulled a book out of Kates jumper.

That kate kid, she was everywhere, fricken in jello and whats the deal with the armadillo anyway?!

I looked into her brain and what i found repleled me.

It was her and the armadillo, walking along the beach hand in hand, each naked and laughing joyusly.

I freaked.

I yanked the book out of kates hands and pushed her off the cliff.

"what did you do that for?" bella asked with no emotion in her voice.

"She was having naughty thoughts". i said, flipping through the book and landed on the page about a girl nammed bella.

Horse-Bella-

She likes to be ridden.

Ride her.

Don't forget the whip!

Faggot.

Blinking i through the book to the ground just as it started raining.

"why am i all wet?" bella asked looking into the sky just as the armadillo walked by and pushed me.

"Oh, bitch face. whaddya do to my hoe, imma slap shit outta yo! grr, imma gangsta, im STEAMING MAD! grr ima gangsta! my Rhyhms are bad! i walk around with a stark erection! i just gave your mother a Yeast infection!" he started crumping and grabbed a nearby tree and grinded against it.

slowly backing away i grabbed bella and dragged her over to a small aclove of trees.

"im still wet" she mumbled, liking her chin.

i stared amazed, watching as her nose racked up her arm sexually and finally as her tounge cleaned her ear.

"you are amazing. " i said, amazed (obviously)

"you dry" she replied, looking t me quizicly.

"yes, yes i am" i said as i lunged at her and spun her around.

"now you are dry" i said smiling, and listed to the bugs thoughts.

'look at that chicks ARSE!' 'id bang that' 'dude, your penis is small' 'so she'd feel it' 'how! your a beetle!'

confused and... slightly freaked i left the chapter and visited ellie.

"hey ellie, your writings shit.!" i aid walking to her bed, on which she sat typing on spotted sheets and her laptop.

"yes edward, im aware. but i have block, and block kills me every second." she said, sighing and looking to me, her red glasses staring red .

"well go on holiday and relax. you need it" i said, looking her over she was fiiiinnnnnn--

"EDWARD!" she snapped. "Stop typing on the keyboard!"

"what!" i pouted, "just saying what we are all thinking!"

"Ellie what the hell?" kate said walking in the room. "What" i said, looking to ellie.

"what?" ellie said looking at both of us.

"Oh bloody hell, piss of you cu-

________________________________________

WRITERS BLOCK! mlovelies. sorry for the shit chapter :) but i liked it so meh.