Standard Disclaimer: I do not own Dead Poets Society... I am just inspired by it.
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Knox pulls back slightly and his face drains of color so rapidly that for a moment I seriously think he's going to throw up. He looks as though he's been punched in the gut. Which, I suppose, is sort of what Todd did with his little revelation. I can't help but think that his reaction is going to be the most common one, and that doesn't exactly thrill me. But at the same time, I know why Todd decided to tell him... we do need his help, and we aren't going to have a chance at getting it without being brutally honest.
Todd gives a slightly impatient snort. "Jesus, Knox, queer's not catching," he says. "Although I suppose I ought to be grateful that you haven't either socked us or run screaming out of here."
Knox blinks, shaking his head as he tries to organize his thoughts once more. "Um... yeah... well. I sure as hell didn't see that coming..."
Now it's my turn to snort. "Well, you weren't supposed to. Come on, Knox, you know as well as we do what will happen to us if this gets out."
"Um... yeah..." Knox is still pretty dazed. He drops his gaze to our clasped hands and flushes, then looks back up at Todd. "I don't get why you told me this."
"Because we need your help, duh, Knox," Todd says. "For one thing, we need you to get Chris to take the Captain's letters for us like she does Nuwanda's for you. For another... I want you to give Richard a chance. I'm not asking you to be best friends with him, just to give him a chance. He and I... we've talked some. And I think a lot of what you've seen of him all these years was him trying for perfection so that no one would guess his secret."
I nod at that. "Do you remember who I roomed with, back in the seventh grade, Knox?"
Knox frowns a bit, thinking. "Didn't you end up with Chet Danburry? I remember my dad being disappointed that I didn't draw him."
"Be glad you didn't," I tell him. "I missed my family, and I admit to crying a bit my first night here. Chet punched me and called me a sissy, then told me if I cried again, he'd accuse me of being a fairy and get me expelled. I didn't know what he was talking about then, but my parents were so thrilled when I'd gotten in here, I couldn't take a chance on it. So I learned to hold everything inside, pretend I didn't care about anything but my grades. To always follow every rule so I wouldn't get into trouble. And to keep anyone from getting close enough to guess my secret."
Knox gives me a crooked smile. "I always knew Chet was a jerk," he says.
I agree heartily. "Always has been, apparently. Anyway, I figured... Todd was hurt the most by... by everything that happened last semester. After Todd and I talked, I wanted to do something nice for him, and I thought that getting the address would mean the most to him."
Todd smiles at that. "It does."
Knox looks between us again, and I can almost see the thoughts churning in his head. Finally he nods. "All right. I'll talk to Chris, and if it's okay with her, I'll give you her address to use. And Cameron, I'll stop snarling at you. Don't expect me to be all buddy-buddy, but if you want to start sitting with us again, you can. Same thing for study group. You're as good if not better than Meeks in chemistry, so I suppose you'd be making a contribution."
"Thank you, Knox," I say sincerely, holding out my hand.
He hesitates for a long moment, then extends his own hand and we shake. Then he glances at Todd's alarm clock. "It's early enough that I can call Chris tonight. But I don't know if I'll get back to talk to you before lights out. She'll probably want to re-hash the ball in complete detail," he chuckles. "I'll stop back tonight if I can, Todd, and if not, I'll catch you tomorrow."
Todd stands up to walk Knox to the door. "I appreciate it, Knox. Oh, and please do remember, Richard and I would like to make it through graduation."
Knox smiles. "My lips are sealed." He gives me a nod and walks out.
Todd closes the door behind him. "He'll probably want to write to Mr. Keating himself, you know," he smiles. "Not that I see a problem with that."
"Nor do I," I answer, relaxing with a sigh. I tuck my half-written letter into my desk drawer, making sure no casual passerby will see it. "I'm just glad I didn't get punched."
"Me too," Todd smiles as he starts getting undressed for bed.
I do the same. Once the bell rings for lights out and we're sure Knox won't be back, we climb into the same bed, just holding each other. Soon enough, we fall asleep, our nightmares of December held at bay by the warmth of each other's presence.