Thanks for the reviews guys. I seem to be getting through these quite quickly ha ha. Here's chapter 4. Another Harry Potter one, based on a couple of massive clichés in Harry Potter fanfics. Enjoy.

Harry Potter strode purposefully through the lobby of Gringotts Wizarding Bank, and he was pissed. It was the summer after the 5th book, sorry, I mean 5th year, and Harry had spent that morning in a great deal of introspective ranting. His beloved godfather, Sirius Black, had been murdered a few weeks prior, and Harry had thought of nothing else since then. The first few days were filled with a great deal of cutting and various forms of self-mutilation, as well as intermittent beatings from Vernon Dursley, because, if you're going to have a Dark!Emo!Harry story, you may as well go all the way. Slowly, the amount of crying Harry did diminished, not only because the floor was getting soggy, but because Harry began to feel that sadness replaced with anger.

He was angry at himself, angry at the Wizarding World, but most of all, he was angry at Albus Dumbledork. Yes, Dumbledork. That was the most witty insult he could come up with, so he decided to go with it. The old goat had obviously been behind the whole thing, he was responsible for Sirius' death, as well as all the other major catastrophes throughout his life. His entire life had just been one big manipulation, oh how could he have been so blind?! …As he continued to fume, Harry found other links in his mind of Dumbledork's crimes. He was obviously also responsible for the Hindenburg, the Titanic, the extinction of the dinosaurs and Paris Hilton. Harry realised that he would need to break free of this master puppeteer's control, and immediately ran outside and used the Knight Bus to travel to Diagon Alley. Time was of the essence, for who knew what Dumbledork was plotting…

(Actually, Dumbledore was lying unconscious on his office floor. A lemon drop had fallen and rolled under his desk, and he had crawled under to rescue it. He then stood up too quickly, and had hit his head rather hard… Oh what a devious bastard this was, hiding behind this kindly old man exterior… Your tricks won't fool us!)

As he entered Gringotts, Harry had, of course, already proclaimed his independence by using his remaining cash to do the following: purchase a new set of leather clothing; obtain a few piercings; buy a potion that would correct his eye-sight; get several tattoos; buy a pet baby phoenix and basilisk that were now perched on opposing shoulders; and take up smoking. All of this was mandatory in a Independent!Dark but Good!Emo!Harry story, but it did look ridiculous on this short, runty, malnourished figure.

So, as mentioned earlier, Harry was striding purposefully, albeit a little lopsidedly and with a bit of wheezing. Those pets were heavy damn it! And the smoke was making him cough quite heavily. He finally managed to make it to a teller, and the goblin attendant sneered down at him.

"Yes? Can I help you?" he sneerily sneered.

"I am Harry James Potter, and I demand to have a lineage test performed!" Harry proclaimed haughtily "Hop to it Griphook!"

The goblin exploded backwards with the shear force of how grateful he was that Harry had remembered his name. "Oh Mr. Potter!" he said "At once sir, at once! No one else has ever remembered my name; you are truly a mighty wizard! Would you like anything else? Perhaps a massage? My first born?"

Harry was somewhat taken aback, but regained his bearings quickly "Yes, umm, well, thank you, but no…now what I need is a lineage test. I need to see which ancient families I am related to, so that I can access their vast vaults and gain enough money to buy a castle. Or two. As well as several harem girls. And a gigantic gold statue of myself. All this will prove my independence to Dumbledork." He cackled a bit, then coughed twice.

"Oh of course, Mr. Potter! How witty your insults are as well!" Griphook merrily chirped "Now, allow me to perform the test…" There was a pregnant pause…

(9 months later)

(…Just kidding, sorry, always wanted to use that joke.)

(5 minutes later)

"…Wow!" Griphook exclaimed, "It says here that you are directly related to Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Peverell, Merlin, Morgana, King Arthur, Flamel and even God himself!"

"Of course" said Harry "That's completely believable, and I totally expected that. Now, empty the contents of their vaults! I can't wait to see what vast riches await me! …A new world order is at hand!"

"…Your total wealth comes to 10 galleons, 9 sickles, 3 knuts, and a dead rat." Griphook deadpanned.

"What?!" Harry shouted, "There must be a mistake! Those people were the wealthiest people alive in their time! How can this be?!"

"Yes Mr. Potter, they were the wealthiest people of their age..." Griphook explained "…But that age was over 1000 years ago. Most people at that time could only hope to earn a sickle in one lifetime. That shows you how wealthy these families were."

Harry stood flabbergasted. His dreams were dashed. There goes the castles, the harem and the statue…Actually, there goes his schooling as well. He had spent his entire trust fund that same morning. Hey, basilisks and phoenixes are expensive!

"…and as well as that Mr. Potter, there's another unexpected issue here. " Griphook continued, "It appears as though no vault rental charges have been paid in over 800 years. This is a gross violation, and must be dealt with immediately." He did a quick calculation in his head, "..10 vaults at standard fee…times 800…times 12…Mr. Potter, your total fine comes to 1 2269 928 galleons, 5 sickles and 3 knuts…Will that be cash or credit Mr. Potter?"

Harry couldn't believe his ears. He was doomed! How could he pay that?! Ever?!

"…mmgusleszwqi…" he gurgled incoherently.

"Eloquently put Mr. Potter, but it does not quite solve the issue here." said Griphook, "Now if you are unable to pay the fine, then under Gringotts law, you shall work here under indentured servitude until such time as it is paid in full. Keeping in mind the continued interest being added as the debt remains outstanding…There's also some stuff about honey and bears and such-like…man, I love 15th century laws!" Griphook smiled quite toothily, and all of a sudden seemed quite menacing for a 3 foot tall creature. "Guards, take Mr. Potter to his new quarters. I expect he will be spending a great deal of time with us, and we do not want to stop him from getting settled in."

Harry was gripped from both sides and was in the process of being dragged away, when Griphook suddenly shouted "Halt!"

Harry froze. Could this be an act of mercy? Could all of this have been one big joke? Was Griphook going to save him?

"I'm not so cruel as to take everything from you Mr. Potter." Griphook smiled, "Here, you may have your dead rat. Enjoy."

…It is said that Goblins are cruel and heartless. They're not really that bad. Just frightfully good at what they do. Although, whether that is any better, is a subject open for debate.

…If I see one more "Sirius/Serious" joke in a fanfic, there will be hell to pay. I couldn't even bring myself to mock it here.