Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the plot.

Italics is the lyrics.

Chapter Four: Grim Reaper: Part One.

***

Today is September 7, 2009 or also know as Labor Day. Today I'm in the car to go to the hospital to get my check up. I used to go every month before the divorce, but I haven't been in 3 months. I went downstairs to see my mom humming and smiling still. I wonder who the hell she was talking to yesterday that made her be so cheery. Don't get me wrong I'm happy for her, I just want to know. I glanced at her from the corner of my eye and gave he a half-hearted smile. To my surprise she smiled back. Y'know, things are starting to look better. Maybe this is the climax of my book that I had no idea I was writing in the first place. Maybe like all the other fairytales mine just might have a happy ending. We were going to Harper J. Relk Hospital, which is where my mom works, she's a brain surgeon. She and my father used to work here until my father found a new life and a new location. I focused my attention to the window and contemplated on life.

***

When we reached the hospital I got straight out of the car and went to Dr. Jekyl's room. He immediately saw me. To saw the least Dr. Jekyl is very attractive. He is probably around 25, he has a very dominant face and structure. Before I met Duncan I had a crush on him, but I was just being a naive teenager, but somewhere deep inside me I had hope that he would see me more than a patient. After I met Duncan, I just forgot. He smiled when he walked in the door and I gave him a grin.

"Long time no see Courtney."

"Sorry Doctor, I've been pretty busy." He smiled as I said that and began to check my ears, tongue, mouth, and heartbeat.

"Okay Courtney, if you could step on the scale please." I nodded and walked to the scale and he took my measurements and recorded them down. "Alright, umm, I have to go speak with your mother, wait here please." I nodded.

***

When Dr. Jekyl came back in he looked distraught.

"Courtney, you're 40 pounds underweight. You're not eating."

That was it. Time stood still and I couldn't do anything but speak. I mean sure I would only eat lunch at school and that would probably be the only thing that I would eat, but I mean at least I ate right? anger soon arose in my being.

Why the hell would he say this now? When things were just now getting better?! Mom was smiling!

I soon felt hot tears trickle down my face. dr. Jekyl came up to me and hugged my.

"Courtney we can help you. I see these kinds of things everyday." I shook my head and I released from his embrace and ran.

I ran away from the questioning looks people gave me, a girl who was crying uncontrolablly in a hospital. I ran down 4th Street and ran passed people and pushed people out of my way. Maybe I should pull the trigger. Living is too hard. I don't have the strenght. I mean I knew I wasn't eating but I didn't know it had gotten oout of hand. My demon? Hunger. It roared at me everyday and I ignored it's plea. What have I becomed? My self-inflicked plague. I'm changing...for what?

The turns you had to take still keep you awake
Down come the walls where you once stood
From constant changes you have made
Youll keep inside til you have a say

This book I call is life is flipping the pages and I'm still on page one. I'm still that girl who was afraid. I'm changing and not even realizing it. God has done this to me. Why would he let me? Is it my time?

I stop running and cried harder and let the tears fall and suddenly I stopped and dropped on my knees on the concrete. It hurt but my pain inside shadowed it away.

I placed both palms against each other and began to pray.

And you think of saying there's no use in praying.

This is the first time I've prayed to him since I was little. Maybe he's turned his back on me. Maybe I'm a disgrace.

"LORD, I CALL UPON YOU TODAY, PLEASE JUST SHOW ME GUIDANCE. SHOW ME YOU HAVEN''T FORGOTTEN ABOUT ME. SHOW ME THAT YOU LOVE ME LIKE NO ONE ELSE CAN. END THIS PLAGUE THAT I HAVE CURSED MYSELF WITH AND CURE ME OF THE DISEASE!" I yell not caring who saw me or heard.

I felt someone hug me and look up through my blurry vision of tears and see Dr. Jekyl. He helped me up and guided me to his car. I got in not wanting to get sick from the rain. He looks at me, still crying and I'm sure my eyes are puffy and red.

"Courtney, please, I want to help you. You are sick. I don't know how much further you can go. Yoiu lost all nutrients and protiens. Your bones are weakening and they will give out on you."

I was coughing and hiccupping.

"I-I-I-I- c-c-cant d-d-d-do th-th-th-this to my-y mom." My shoulders reaching my chin from coughing and hiccupping.

Dr. Jekyl looked at me and frowned.

"Please, I have a rehab center you can go to. It's for people who are struggling."

I looked at him wide eyed. He started his car and drove off. Tears still claiming a spot on my face I looked away and out the window. For I am ashamed to be a waste of space in a world of perfection.

I know what perfection is like, and I cannot stand before it's might.

And I'm so far from what you, think that I must be.

I just drown myself in mercy.

I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

***

"Courtney, wake up please." I opened my eyes. I looked at who awoke me and looked in the eyes of Dr. Jekyl. "C'mon." He took my hand and walked me into a place that was insanely cold. My eyes were still droopy, so I couldn't really tell where the hell I was.

"Courtney, this is Dr. Hines. She'll be your rehab doctor and mentor." I opened my eyes wider to a older woman around the age of 36. She was tanned like me and had brown curly hair that was done into a bun and she was taller than me and had glasses, oh how cliché. She smiled a warm smile that reminded me of my mom and I began to cry again.

"Oh, Courtney. I'm sorry, did I do something?" She asked and hugged me. I shook my head and hugged her harder than she. She led me to her room and closed the door and locked it. I sat down on a couch and grabbed a near by tissue box. I wiped my face and looked at her. She began to speak.

"Okay, I know you are suffering from annorexia. I would like to start off with the basics. How is home?" I sucked in a deep breath and began.

"My mom and dad recently got a divorce 3 months ago. My mom took it pretty hard and she cried every single night." I let unwanted tears resurface my face. "My dad however found a whole new life. He has 3 children and a wife. He forgot about me and when I do see him out of love gives me the coldshoulder. I'm his first, how could he forget about me? Was it something I did? 2 weeks ago, I went to see him and his family. He greeted me with a hello and began to talk to his other children. He never said how was your day or how is school. Nor not once did he say he loved me and was glad that I was still in his life. He shoots me with words of knives. Like Courtney, you and your mother. or Courtney, why must you act this way everyime we meet? It hurts to know that a man that you onced loved with all your heart can hurt you more than you ever imagined. He has an oldest, her name Christina and he calls her baby girl. Which was my name when I was little, I brushed that off because she was a little girl, but when he told her that she was his only girl.

"It hurt a lot. I cried myself to sleep that night. I lost my home, my family, and most importantly my dad."

When you grace me with your coldshoulder.

When ever you look at me I wish I was her.

You shower me with words made of knives.

"Sometimes, I still have dreams what would it be like if my mom and dad never were seperated. To be honest it's better than the hell I'm living in now. My dad and I, on Sundays we would go to brunch and eat or hearts out and laugh and talk about our week. Tell me...was it my fault?"

Dr. Hines shook head.

"It's no one's fault. You're just in the middle of something you shouldn't be." She says and looks at me. "Courtney, what's school like?" I give a huff.

"School? School is school. People are oblivious to everything. My best friend doesn't even notice that I wasn't eating-"

"So you do know you weren't eating?"

"Yes, but I didn't want it to go this far?"

"Why did you even start?"

"Well I comtemplated on this. It was either this or cutting. I tried that for a week and I couldn't do it. Seeing what I did to myself on a daily basis hurted too much. Then I got stressed out and depressed, then I just stopped eating. I could tell that I lost weight but I didn't care. If it wasn't purple, red, or black I didn't care. That happened to me a lot in these 3 months. I didn't care. I didn't care if my boyfriend was flirting with other girls, or if my friend didn't notice. To be honest I started not to care if I wasn't eating. One day, I hit lucky number three."

"What exactly is lucky number three?"

"3 meals. The only time I would probably eat was lunch so I wouldn't be interrogated by my friends or my boyfriend, Duncan. Yesterday I hit lucky number three and that was the day I saw my mom smile and real smile which she hasn't done in so long now. I wonder...what's it's like to smile a real smile, I haven't had one in so long I almost forgot what it feels like. Sometimes I feel the only way I'll really smile is if you cut me ear to ear." Dr. Hines nodded and spoke.

"Courtney, what if I tell you that I think your cause to this is linked to your emotions. Happiness will cause you to feel the need to celebrate and in doing so, celebration is eating. Depression or anger, however, leads to you not eating because you feel as though you did something wrong or something bad happened is because of you, so you feel the need to suffer which is not eating. Please, talk to someone and eat, Okay?" I nod and stand. I head for the door and look back at her.

"Thank you, Doctor. For eveything." I say and walk out the door. In the waiting area, I see my mom talking on the phone and smiling again. Who the hell is she talking to? I walk pass her and to the exit out of the rehab center. She followed behind me and continued to talk. I felt my phone vibrate and saw that it was Trent calling me.

"Hello?" I ask, wondering why he was calling me.

"Courtney?"

"Yeah, what do you need?"

"My parents are separated. It happened so abruptly, I didn't know who to call. I tried Gwen but she doesn't just understand. The only other person I could think of was you. You know what's it like. I mean why does things like this happen? I mean you think that nothing could ever tear you away from your mom and dad, but you never thought it would happen." I was speechless.

"Trent, how long have they been separated?"

"About 4 days."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I was side tracked, I guess it never crossed my mind."

"Oh."

"How do you cope with this?" We reached the car and I got in and my mom started the engine and began to drive off.

"I don't really know...it's hard. Cause sometimes you think that it's your fault but in reality...it's not." I say really pondering on the right thing to say.

"Uh, I have to go. Can I call you back later to finish?"

"Yeah, sure." I say and hang up the phone. Gosh, I never knew this was so hard to cope with.

My mom turned towards me and I looked back at her.

"Courtney... what made you do this to yourself?" My mom asks and I look at her.

You. I think to myself and choose not to answer.

"Mom, who have you been talking to?"

"A guy friend of mine." I nodded and began to think about if I'm going to eat tonight or not.

Anorexia will not have me. I will have Anorexia and I will achieve.

So this was so long I needed 3 parts to actually make it fit. The last part will be who this chapter is dedicated to.

Songs used in order of appearence.

Pages by There For Tomorrow

Supernatural by Flyleaf

Penholder by Flyleaf

Cold Shoulder by Adele

If anyone is confused, please please let me know and I'll make it better. Sorry if there are typos I tried my hardest.

G'night love.