Okie dokie peoples! Chapter 6 is finally ready! :D I am pretty happy with this chapter and hope you will be too! The long awaited Sarah POV is finally upon you! Yay! [insert loud applause] I added a nod to Get Smart (just spelled it different) and I have to say I was surprised no one mentioned the nod I gave to the Matrix *sighs* oh well. :P

Wep beta'd this as usual :) [Insert more applause and loud whistling]

Thanks to Jimmy-J105 for being sorta like my guinea pig and reading the raw version of this chapter and giving some very helpful comments! I'm surprised his eyes didn't start bleeding at seeing my grammer ;) Thanks Jimmy! [More applause] (Okay, my applauder's hands hurt ;) )

So without futher ado...Enjoy!

Its been awhile since I left. Ten dark years to be exact; years filled with depression and sadness. I had to see my daughter grow up from a distance. I had to see her begin to look more and more like me, the the mother she barely knew. I have had so many pictures of them playing together, of her first day of school, and every single birthday I've missed. Of course I always had to destroy them, but not before I had stared at them long enough to memorize every detail. My heart would always ache as I burned the photos but I had to for their protection. Because that is who I am; I'm the protector, the guardian, the tormented soul. All three sum me up.

I've never regretted the decision I made that day; I've just regretted that I didn't do it differently. We had enjoyed an awesome life. I had never cared that we had the house, the cars, and the nice amount of money in our bank account. What I loved was our family. Mine and Chuck's. Even after all we had been through together, we were still able to make our dreams happen.

But damned if the CIA didn't disrupt our lives again! And with threats no less! I had needed to act fast to save Chuck from that life again and the bunker that had been prepared for him. Chuck didn't deserve a damn bunker! He deserved the life he always wanted, even if it wasn't with me. I knew that he wanted to share the rest of his years with me; he thought I was the only woman he could really love; but he was better than that, better than me, and was damn better than the CIA. I had thought he would move on.

Ten years later, he's still single and standing in front of me. Did he move on? The fact he is still single would suggest otherwise but I know Chuck, he would just as soon decide to be single the rest of his life than open himself up to another woman. How much does he hate me? How much does our daughter hate me?

The life Chuck had made for Emily made it easier to bear the weight of my decision.. She was perfect: his hair, his mind (yeah, I had shamelessly gotten a copy of all her report cards and she was just as smart as Chuck). I only wished she looked more like him; even I couldn't deny how much she looked like me. The eyes, the facial structure, the slenderness of her body. It was strange seeing someone who looked almost just like me. I think she has Chuck's mouth though.

I had decided they were better off without me.

That was still true wasn't it? Here I was again, ruining Chuck's life, bringing chaos. Why was I here? Oh yeah, because I am a selfish person and had finally finished my "contract" with the CIA which was really more like a prison sentence. But, the CIA had decided to stick it to me one more time. Why the hell had they done that? I guess they decided to give me one last mission. I never hated the government more than now. There was no way they didn't know this would happen; they had knowingly put Chuck and Emily in danger and now I swear someone would pay. They had let him find Chuck and Emily. I'd take down the president if it only meant Chuck and Emily would be safe. My family needed to be safe.

My family? Were they even that anymore? On my end, of course; but on theirs? Did they even care to know me? I had been forbidden to tell Chuck why I had to go; I'd been given the "top secret" crap. Poor Chuck.

I still had nightmares about that. The way Chuck's face contorted with pain with I whispered "I'm leaving you, I'm joining the CIA again.", the way Emily screamed for me to not go (which is the worst torture a mother ever has to endure and I've been through the worst), and the way I had to yell for Chuck to get her off me. Except, at the end of my dream; they always died. Always and in various ways. Assassins, car through the living room, gas leak, explosion. So many different ways it would take me hours to tell them all. And I always watched them die, with no injuries to myself. I would wake up screaming every night.

My days had been easier; filled with agents, shootouts, death and the usual destruction. My days were filled with too much craziness for me to think about Chuck and Emily often. But I always made up for lost time during the night. I'd probably cried my own weight in tears (plus a hundred) over the last ten years.

The absolute worst assignment I had ever been given happened five months after I left. A seduction of a man named Charles (as if that wasn't bad enough) Hartford. He was involved in some black market shipments and was a suspected agent of an unknown agency that we called CHAOS.

"Having second thoughts, Walker?" Tobias Granger asked. He was her newest partner; the last being killed during a gunfight with CHAOS agents.

"Shut up and get to your post," Sarah snapped, not wanting to have to deal with his gruff persona today. He was just like Casey, except she didn't like him as much. She would have sworn that Tobias resented her for trying to have a normal life, getting married and having a child; well she didn't give a damn what he thought.

"You got it...Johnson?" Tobias said, fishing for a response from Sarah. He would often use random last names when talking with Sarah to see if he guessed her former last name.

"Not even close," She slammed the door to her hotel room in his face. She hadn't even invited him here and she hated it when anyone came to her rooms. She turned and put a hand to her belly, where she felt butterflies. She wasn't ready for this, not by a long mile. A seduction just after five months of her separation from Chuck? The CIA was run by sadists. And the man's name was Charles...what the hell?!

She grabbed the gown that she had been told to wear. It was a deep red color and would probably come down to flow gently against the floor when she wore it. Looking at the front of it, she realized it was much like the dress she wore to the party that she, Chuck and Casey had attended when Chuck had tangoed with La Ciudad. A now familiar pain made her throat tighten.

She quickly put it on and applied perfect make-up, just as she was trained to. She tried to concentrate on it because she would catch her mind wandering back to her husband. I'm doing this for him. Stay focused, Sarah.

Tobias was waiting for her downstairs. She was greeted with a less than cordial grunt. Did the CIA assign him to her because he was so much like Casey? She absently wondered what the burly man was doing these days.

If it had been Casey, she would have made a remark. But with Tobias, she was just quiet. She didn't like him; he didn't like her. End of story.

A few innuendos and Grey Gooses later, Sarah was in Charles' bed. Their lips were crashing against each other and he was sliding his hand down to her zipper, signaling her he was ready to start. She could feel his lust in his kisses and she did her best to make it seem like she wanted him too. She felt him hesitate at her zipper, as if he knew she wasn't really into this but Sarah couldn't let this mission fail and so she forced herself to grin and turned, giving him full access and visual of her back. She was suddenly glad she had turned around, when tears sprang to her eyes. He was so gentle for being involved in dirty business and he was a lot like Chuck in the way he walked and things he said. Some would think that made things easier, but that was not the case; it only made her more aware that she was cheating and no matter how noble her cause was she was worthless now. Worthless because she was going to sleep with this man.

She forced herself to remove the pained look from her features and replaced them with her most seductive expression. She had heard of women just going blank when they were having sex when they didn't want it and she wondered if that would happen to her...she hoped it would.

Her dress was off now and Charles turned her around to face him again, kissing her gently. Sarah moaned against his lips, wishing they were Chuck's. Damn you, Director Hardy. Hardy was her new director; he assigned her missions and was right now expecting a briefing of how this mission went tomorrow morning.

Her mind didn't go blank. She was painfully aware of everything that followed that night. She should have had more vodka. But it worked, the idiot had actually given her the info she needed and she was able to download a series of emails between Charles and another contact for CHAOS. In Hardy's eyes that was mission accomplished; in hers, that was mission failed. She just cheated on Chuck, something she had sworn to herself and him that she would never do.

She left his hotel room as soon as she had gotten the info. After the briefing she made her way back to her room and ran to the bathroom, putting her head over the toilet and vomiting. She used to be able to control her body, but she was just so sick to her stomach with what she'd just done. She'd been fighting nausea the whole briefing and could fight no longer. She pressed her head to the rim of the toilet seat and began to cry, filled with intense hatred of herself and the CIA.

"I'm so sorry, Chuck." Her shoulders shook ever so slightly. "I'm so sorry." Then she vomited again.

After that, when Hardy had tried to assign me another seduction a few months later I refused. I told Hardy I couldn't do it. Tobias had made comments about my being "soft" but I didn't care. I was never going to do that again. So that was my first (and last, as far as I was concerned) time to cheat on him. I still had to block out that night, which I had nightmares about too. In my dreams Chuck always caught me, and I'd try to tell him I hadn't wanted to; but, he would never listen, he would just scream at me.

And now Smith had attacked Chuck and had been going to hurt Emily. No way in hell was I going to let him hurt her. I had just arrived (I had come to the house before, but when I only saw Emily there, I slipped out the back because I didn't want to face Emily first) when I saw him kick Chuck and I had nearly flipped then. They were never going to hurt him again. I had meant to shoot Smith, but damned if Jim hadn't leaned into the way! Then in my haste and surprise I missed my best chance at killing Smith.

What a great way to reintroduce yourself to your daughter: killing a man and attempting to off another right in front of her. What would she think of that? If she was like Chuck (well, the Chuck I first met) she probably wouldn't.

Seeing Chuck face to face again after ten years turned out easier – and harder – than I had expected. Easier because I was able to just do it, standing in front of him was easy; yet harder, because I didn't know what to do or say. How does one speak to someone they've left like I did? It's not like I can just say "Hey, how are ya?" or anything like that. I couldn't even read his face.

Seeing Emily – or rather Emily's head poke out from under the large man who'd fallen on her – was hard. My fear tightened my stomach into knots, afraid of what she would do. Would she hate me? Scream at me? Ask me to leave and never return? I prayed not, but I can't see how they can forgive me.

Morgan once said that if Chuck was Han Solo, Bryce was his Fett. Well, if Chuck was Duncan Idaho...I was his Alia.

What exactly happened to Sarah during her "contract"? Is there more to her story than what you learned this chapter? You bet. What will become of Smith? Why does he want Sarah? Will Chuck and Emily forgive her, or will they "give her hell" (sorry for the reference to the AAR song, that is what happens when I listen to the radio while writing these fics)? All this and more will be revealed one chapter at a time...anyone get who Duncan Idaho and Alia are? I just had to add that nod into my fic. :)