Ch 17: Blue Hour

BPOV

I watched them from inside, barely able to focus on Angela´s innocent gossip. It was hard to care about the relationship problems of humans when I had a past and present relationship with both a werewolf and a vampire, and the two of them were just itching to fight again. I could only pray that they listened to me, but I knew from experience that my warnings usually amounted to nothing. Just like with humans, the desire of men to show masculine dominance was insurmountable. I nearly dropped the phone when I saw Jacob grab at Edward, but they didn´t seem to be attacking each other so I didn´t go outside just yet. Still, I kept close watch.

But my heart plummeted into my chest when I saw Edward get into his car and leave. He didn´t even come in to say goodbye. I was weakened by the bitterness spreading through my own heart at the thought of his rude departure. I knew it could only be to appease Jacob, as were my wishes, but to this day, parting with him left my bones feeling frailer than ever. He disappeared behind the trees, taking my heart with him wherever he went, leaving me with a very chatty Angela over the phone and a very disgruntled Jacob on my doorstep.

Once Angela finished catching me up on who was dating who, I had my own boyfriend problems to handle. I found some comfort in the fact that Charlie was nearby. I knew Jacob wouldn´t let himself get carried away with his temper when my father was around.

Still I couldn´t help but be fearful. As I stepped out onto the porch, I looked at his pensive face, staring off into the distance where Edward had disappeared. He didn´t just look angry, he looked downright disappointed. No matter what the reasons were, I couldn´t bear to see him upset. My bond with Jacob was so very special, and I didn´t know if there was anything I wouldn´t do to make him smile. He gave me reason when I had lost all reason, a flame of light in total darkness. He alone kept me from falling to pieces.

"Jake…" I started, not really knowing what to say. If only I knew how to ease his mind.

He didn´t say anything, and that made me anxious. He wasn´t the type to be quiet like this. I sat next to him on the steps and tentatively wrapped my arm around his. He didn´t flinch. "Please…" I begged in a whisper, "Don´t be mad at me."

"Are you seeing him again?" He asked simply, his tone disturbingly calm.

"No… Of course not."

"Then why were you with him? At his house, no less."

I felt like my blood was freezing and I hugged his warm body closer to mind. "I don´t really remember what happened last night, but I know that he took me to his house so I could get over one hell of a hangover."

"And you´re honestly going to tell me he didn´t try anything?"

Edward was first and foremost a gentleman. Even Jacob should know that. "Of course not. I think he was just worried about me. I was really out of it… Though I don´t really remember much of what happened the night before. Where did you go?"

He clenched his hands together and rested his chin upon them. He closed his eyes and appeared to be praying for a few seconds. "And that´s where I failed you, I suppose."

"Don´t say that. I´m the one who should have been watching how much I was drinking."

"It wasn´t that you were drinking a lot, Bella. Someone drugged you!" He was fighting to keep his temper in check, I could tell. He glanced back at the house, being mindful that Charlie was inside. "I should have been watching out for you. I shouldn´t have let you out of my sight."

I rolled my eyes, why was it that the men in my life always seemed to expect the impossible from themselves? "And what? Follow me into the bathroom? You can´t go everywhere I go, Jacob. I have to be able to take care of myself."

"Even so, it was your first time and I should have been keeping an eye on you. I should have noticed that you had put your drink down and came back for it later. I should have known that someone would have tried something. It was a damn high school party, for crying out loud!"

I hated seeing him like this. It was enough to see him angry, but I couldn´t bear to see him sad, or to have him blame himself for something completely out of his control. I laid my cheek against his shoulder. "Please… Don´t blame yourself. I´m alright and it won´t happen again. I know better now. Trust me, I don´t think I´ll be drinking again for quite some time."

I felt his arm slip out of my grasp, only to feel it wrap around my shoulder and pull me closer to him. For a good minute, we were silent. I could hear the crickets begin to chirp, though it wasn´t even dusk. I shut my eyes and listened to them, basking in the warmth of my Jacob´s embrace. Nothing could quite compare with the feeling of his arms around me, this feeling of total security. I knew of another pair of arms that made me feel even better, but I didn´t dwell on that memory. These arms were warm and inviting, wanting me. To be wanted by him made me feel invincible.

He spoke again, "So you´re not seeing him again?"

I shook my head and sighed. If only it was enough for me to say no and move on myself. "No, Jacob. Our relationship is long over. You know that."

"I know… I just… Sometimes I worry that you´re going to change your mind about me and go back to him. You´re always around him anyways. It seems weird to me. How many guys hang out with their ex-girlfriends?"

I smirked dryly, "I don´t know, but he isn´t exactly normal… Neither are you."

"No matter what the species, I am pretty sure the concept still holds. You don´t see Sam and Leah being all buddy-buddy and he´s a werewolf."

"Well, I don´t know then, Jake. All I know is that he wants to be friends and I am willing. Plus, he is apparently protecting me from another vampire. He feels guilty about it, I guess."

He clutched me tighter, uncomfortably so. "Jake?"

"I don´t think it´s just that. I think he is just plotting to take you back." I shut my eyes against his words, because as impossible as they were I wanted them to be true more than anything. "Anyways, I can´t believe it… You aren´t even together anymore and he´s still putting your life in danger. How can you even want to be friends with him?"

I tried to chalk up the bitterness in his voice to jealousy, but it was so fierce I couldn´t stomach up a good enough excuse that would convince him of anything. The memory of Victoria burned my mind. The thought of facing her again terrified me, though nothing was more terrifying than the thought of Jacob or Edward getting hurt defending me from her.

"It was someone we met when we were still together. I don´t know if I ever told you about this." I said, implying that I was asking him.

"No."

"When I was out with Edward and his family, some nomad vampires came by. We never even saw them coming. They weren´t the kind that drink the blood of animals, so when they realized I was a human, obviously their first thought was to kill me." I knew I said it so casually, and Jacob tensed against me. "Well, Edward defended me and we ran off, but one of them hunted us down. I stupidly ran away from the others, and he almost killed me, but the Cullens saved me just in time. That was why I was in a cast at the end of the last school year."

Jacob shook his head, "And here I just assumed you were being clumsy again."

I smirked dryly, "Edward killed the one who came after me, but now Victoria, his… mate, I guess… is after me. Since Edward killed James, Victoria will kill me in revenge."

Jacob sneered, "Well if he´s the cause of all this mess then maybe she should just kill him."

I sucked in a harsh breath, not able to hide it in time, and Jacob turned his glare on me, suddenly angry with me. "So you do care!"

I was still reeling from the thought of Edward… dead. Even if it was just a scenario, I couldn´t imagine a world where Edward didn´t exist. Maybe I could have before I knew what it was like to be loved by him, but once he touched my heart I knew I would never be whole without him in my life. To have him out of my reach, out of this world, would feel like I was burning from the inside out. Already, the months being far away from me had left me a mere shadow of what I was before. But he had to exist. Even if I never saw him again, there could be no world if he didn´t exist.

Jacob took my silence badly and stood up, moving away from me. I stumbled to correct him. "Well, No… I mean, yes, of course I still care. I don´t want him to die, Jake."

"Why not?" He asked, like it was so simple.

I could only stare at him in horror. "How can you say that? No matter how much you dislike him, to wish that a person would die… That´s horrible, Jake!"

He crossed his arms and peered down at me through unforgiving eyes, "No, horrible is putting your life in danger every step of the way, dumping you and abandoning you in the forest to freeze to death, then coming back and following you around and still expecting to be your friend."

I bit my lip to fight back tears. My relationship with Edward, as miniscule as it was, couldn´t be anything close to horrible. It was more than I deserved, the best thing I had left. "That´s not fair, Jake."

Jacob´s steel gaze froze me in place, made me feel so little and insignificant. "Don´t talk to me about what is fair and what isn´t. You have no idea what unfair feels like."

The wind whistled past my hair, and I was suddenly aware that my cheeks were wet. I was ashamed. I didn´t want to be weak in front of him. Back when we were just friends, I never felt this weak in front of him. I felt like I was his equal, his partner in crime. Not even Edward made me feel like I was powerful in my own right. The simple fact that he was perfect was always lingering in my mind, and besides that, Edward was never very good at letting me take care of myself, being the obsessive mother hen that he is. The Jake I knew and loved was a man who made me feel carefree and strong, made me feel like I was more than just a pathetic clumsy human girl. What was happening to us?

"I´m going," he said suddenly, and my heart all but lurched out of my chest.

I couldn´t even move until he got to his motorcycle, but the sound of the motor starting snapped me out of my shock. Before I knew it, I was at my feet and running towards him. As he kicked the foot-stand away, I ran up behind him and wrapped my arms around his middle, pressing my face hard into his back.

"Please! Please don´t leave me! I´m sorry, just please don´t be angry with me."

Words could not explain the desperation I felt. Somehow, I knew deep inside that if I let go of him now I would lose him forever. I couldn´t bear that. My heart was already in pieces. There would be nothing left of me if I lost him.

"What do you expect me to do, Bella? Apparently you don´t give a shit about me so I´m not going to waste my time."

I sobbed against him. "I do care about you, Jake. You know I do."

"If you cared about me in the slightest, you wouldn´t expect me to turn the other cheek when you are hanging around those bastards. It´s like you are cheating on me right in front of my face."

He never would know how much it hurt me to hear him say that about me, like I was really that kind of person. Did he really have so little faith in me? At that moment I wanted just to yell at him, but I was too afraid that I would scare him off for good. I shook my head frantically. "I wouldn´t! I won´t! There is nothing between Edward and me anymore. I promise you!"

"How can I trust that?"

I came to stand in front of him and stared into his eyes pleadingly. "You trust me, don´t you? You always trusted me before all of this. Nothing has changed, Jacob. I haven´t changed. I told you that I would give our relationship a try and I meant it. Please… Don´t turn away from me. You´re all I have left."

Finally he returned my gaze. His face was still angry, but the fury seemed to be gone from his face.

"You have to promise me that you will never see him again."

I gulped. "You know that isn´t possible, Jacob."

"It is if you still want me around."

Why did he have to make this about him? "But we go to school together. We are lab partners. Of course I am going to see him."

"School is fine, but otherwise I don´t want you anywhere near him. If he needs to fight off this Victoria woman, that´s his choice but he can keep a lookout from a distance. All I know is that I won´t stand to have him looming over you like some crazed stalker."

Oh God, how I had feared this. Edward was the love of my life, but he wasn´t mine anymore. I had Jake now. If I was to choose between the two, what was I supposed to do? How could I stay away from the person who meant more to me than life itself for the sake of keeping the only man who kept me from falling apart?

But Jake´s gaze was firm and unmoving. I knew I couldn´t change his mind on the matter, and if I so much as tried he would yell at me, or worse, leave me. And at least I would be able to see Edward at school. It wasn´t like I would never see him at all.

I had no choice. "Okay… Whatever you want."

He smiled, but it didn´t fill me with joy like it usually did. Instead it filled me with dread. And when he kissed me deep, pulling my body tightly against his, my stomach turned and my skin hardened. What had I just gotten myself into?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Twilight.

Edward once said it was the safest time of day for vampires. I often wondered why that was. With the sun gone, I imagined they would be safe the whole night through. Why twilight?

I stared onto the road as Jacob´s motorcycle disappeared behind the trees, in the same direction Edward had gone a few hours before. At least Jacob had given me a proper goodbye. In fact, he had stayed for dinner with Charlie and me, and didn´t leave my side even when I just spent the whole time doing homework. I had a feeling he was still wary about leaving me alone.

I sighed. Looks like I had a lot of trust to rebuild between us.

The sky was such a pretty blue tonight. Forks was so small that no lights were bright enough to disrupt the delicate color of the sky. It was the kind of color that made you feel peaceful. Photographers referred to it as the Blue Hour.

I felt no peace tonight. My mind and heart were in shambles. What was I going to say the next time I saw Edward? My boyfriend doesn´t like you, so I´m not going to be your friend anymore? No, I didn´t like that. He would always be my friend no matter how far apart we are. No matter what he felt about me, he would always be far more than a friend. But I didn´t want to see a look of betrayal on his face. I didn´t want him to think for a moment that I didn´t want to be friends with him. Would he understand? Would he know why I had to do this? Surely, he had no reason to question the relationships of his ex-girlfriend.

I had rested for a good portion of the day, but I was still exhausted. The blood red color that just barely touched the horizon was almost gone now. I crawled into bed and stared at the sky until it slowly faded to black, and my eyes began to droop. Before I drifted off, I wanted nothing more than to see Edward coming through my window once more.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

The sun was shining and warm, and the grass tickled my cold skin. I didn´t care that I was exposed to the elements as I clutched the tender hand beside me. I turned and smiled at my one true love, overcome by the beauty, the softness, and the light.

I was untouchable today. It didn´t matter that we were different. It didn´t matter that one of us was ages older than the other, though immortal and bound to the same age for ever. It didn´t matter that one of us was clumsy and plain, and the other graceful and god-like. It didn´t matter that we had and would continue to have to overcome the impossible to be with each other. The day was ours and if I had anything to say about it, today would last forever.

I kissed my true love´s waving brown hair and inhaled its sweet smell, shutting my eyes to keep the happiness from overflowing. I never knew there could be joy like this. I didn´t know my human body had the room for this kind of emotion.

We gazed at the sun streaming through the trees, haloing all the leaves in a heavenly light. I could see butterflies, bugs, and bees fluttering about, looking about just as merry as I felt.

My eternal companion giggled, making the side of my body vibrate. "What are you thinking?"

I smiled and answered, my voice almost groggy, "I was thinking that it´s so beautiful out today, and that there was no one else on the planet luckier than I am right now."

A kiss to my lips silenced me, but it left me flying. "Except the one right next to you."

"I don´t think so," I said stubbornly.

Our hands touched each others´ bodies wherever we could, reveling in the feel of smooth flesh. If we really were like the predator stalking the prey, I was certainly taking my time. I could spend an eternity just running my fingers along this skin, tasting it with my lips and tongue.

"Do we have to go back today?"

"Not if you don´t want to. I know I don´t. Let´s just stay out here until the sun goes down. Until twilight."

"It will be too dark to see by then."

"Not for me."

"Edward…"

"Hm?"

"I love you."

Another tender and time-stopping kiss, as immortal as the vampire race itself. Our arms wrapped around each other and we held tight, needing each other more than air or water or blood. "I love you too, my Bella. Forever, I love you."

When twilight came, we were finally safe.

To be continued…

HAHAHA! I´ll bet you´re wondering what that little thing was at the end. Well, it shall be explained very shortly. Never fear.

So this is probably a good time to point out why Jacob is the way he is in my story. Throughout New Moon and especially Eclipse, we saw (or at least I saw) that Jacob tried to get his way by guilt-tripping or playing mind games with Bella. I´m kinda going on that right now, in case anyone is wondering what he is playing at. At the same time, Bella is FAR too dependent on having a boyfriend around, and thinks she is alone even though everyone in the whole freakin´ town adores her. So here you have Jacob and Bella´s unhealthy relationship based on stupid desperation and mind games. Should be fun… Grrr!

Wow, this chapter took forever! Thankfully summer is almost here for me so i´ll have a lot more time. I had to catch up on another story too, so I´ll definitely need all the support and reminders I can get, please! Review and let me know what´s