Ch 18: Ungrateful Bitch

EPOV

The sound of thunder gave way to rain. Not a downpour, but even rain that when it hit the roof and windows it turned into a lovely percussion, flowing with the sound of thunder like the wild beating of a drum. We lay in a hammock just on the porch, though this porch was unfamiliar to me. It certainly wasn´t my house, we didn´t have a porch. In spite of the unfamiliar surroundings, I was overcome with a sense of peace. My true love had tangled her arms and legs with mine, and we just listened to the sounds all around us. The cold was not a bother, since we covered ourselves with a blanket. No words were spoken, for there was no need. We stared into each other´s eyes for what must have been hours, reveling in the love reflected there, more at peace than any other time we could remember.

The peace was disrupted by the sound of someone calling my name, a woman´s voice. Rather, she was screaming my name at the top of her lungs. I cringed at the sound. And suddenly, the world was rushing away from me, as though I had fallen through the earth.

"Edward!" She cried again, her voice seemingly in agony, and though the voice was strange to me, the sound of pain tugged at my heart.

She shook me and my eyes flew open. Esme looked down on me, her face wild and frantic, but as soon as my eyes lined up with hers, she sobbed and hugged me close to her. Her embrace even hurt a little. My mind was numb and dizzy. It took me a few moments to focus in on the room. I saw that the rest of my family was hovered around me. Then I saw we were in my room back at the house. How had we gotten here?

Why was I lying in a bed?

"Oh, Edward, thank God! I was so scared!"

She pressed a kiss to my forehead and let me sit up. I looked back at the bed and then at my family. "What´s going on? What happened?"

I tried to get up, but Carlisle put his hands on my shoulders and kept me from moving. "Stay down, son. We still don´t know what to make of this."

Alice spoke up, "The Volturi attacked you. We´re not sure what they did, but you were screaming and writhing in pain when we found you."

I remembered now, the Volturi members holding me down, and that needle being stuck into my chest… After that, blinding pain, and nothing else.

But this didn´t make sense. Just moments ago I was with Bella in a hammock somewhere, and before that in our meadow… But no, that didn´t make sense either. Bella and I weren´t dating anymore. I definitely would have remembered if we had somehow reconciled, but there was nothing.

Carlisle saw the confusion on my face, and in his thoughts he was struggling to say something in a way that wouldn´t make me panic. Why? What was there to panic about? I mean other than the fact that I had somehow been with Bella in between being attacked by the Volturi and ending up here.

He ran his hand through his hair, an odd human thing to do since we were not in public, "You passed out, Edward. I don´t know how, but I think the pain was too much for you and you just passed out as a mental defense."

Passed out? How could that be? But I stared at the bed beneath me, and I couldn´t help but wonder if it was really possible…

"Do you mean to say that… that I was asleep just now?"

He nodded.

The images of Bella and I in the meadow together, on a porch in the middle of nowhere, the inexplicable sense of warmth and security…

Good God, had I been dreaming?

I rubbed my face with my hands, feeling for all the world like all the blood had drained from my face. Not that I had any blood, but if I had I was sure it would be dropping right to my feet.

"I… I was dreaming."

Carlisle nodded, but his voice was solemn, "We know. Never in all my years have I seen a vampire sleep, let alone dream."

"But this isn´t possible," I insisted.

"Apparently it is," Carlisle insisted, "The Volturi have clearly poisoned you with whatever they put into your body. I will have to take some of your venom and run some tests to see what has happened, and if this will ever happen again."

"Where are they now?" I asked, hoping that we had at least hindered them in some way.

"They disappeared. We tried to follow them, but they are far too evasive for us to track," Jasper said, "But there was no sign of Victoria."

"Oh God… Bella. Is she okay?" I asked frantically. I looked at Esme, knowing she had been watching her while we were gone.

She stroked my back lovingly, but her face was bitter when she spoke, "She´s fine."

I wanted to ask her why she looked so displeased, but I wasn´t satisfied with her words. I needed to see for myself that Bella was okay. And if the Volturi were already here, I would have even more trouble keeping her safe. However, before I could move an inch, Carlisle held me back again. "Don´t move, Edward. We still don´t know if it´s safe."

"I don´t care. I have to make sure that Bella´s okay."

"I´m telling you the truth. Bella´s totally fine." Esme soothed.

"How can she be fine when Victoria and the Volturi are after her? What if they are already here?"

"They aren´t here, at least not yet. Since you informed the werewolves of their intentions, they too will provide protection. At the very least, we have that."

I shook my head, "I only told Jacob Black that they were coming. I don´t know if he has informed the others yet."

My family looked at each other, wondering how the werewolves would react, wondering if they should ask to put the treaty on hold until Bella´s safety was assured. I didn´t want to wait for them to come to their own decisions. I struggled against Carlisle, "Let me go!"

"No, Edward, not until we know what is wrong with you."

"Then one of you can come with me if you like. I just need to see her for a moment, that´s all."

To my total relief, Alice came to my rescue, "I´ll go with him. Don´t worry. I don´t see anything happening, at least not today. We´ll just run over to her house and come right back."

Carlisle was pondering, still doubting if I should leave the house. Esme came to her own decision, "Okay, but you are taking the car. You are not to go running around Forks. Do you understand me?"

"Yes," I promised, anything that would calm her worried mind.

Still, my family would not leave my side until I was safe in the car. Instinctively, I went to the driver seat, but Alice immediately pushed me to the passenger side and got in my place. Esme spoke to Alice, "Come back right away, and if he isn´t feeling well, call us so we can meet you."

"I will, Mom," she insisted.

She was far too slow pulling out of the driveway. I clenched my hands into fists, wanting to jump out of the car and run all the way to Bella´s house. Alice grabbed onto my hand, "Don´t ever think about it."

Damn it. She was far too annoying. I pinched the bridge of my nose and took a few deep breaths, a nervous habit of mine to ward off panic. Alice´s thoughts spoke to me even in the darkness of the night, ´What were you dreaming about, Edward?´

It was still hard for me to understand that I truly had been dreaming. I hadn´t slept for even a second since 1918, let alone dreamt. It was hard to even remember what a dream was. It was like I had become someone completely different, or slipped into another dimension. When I was human, they had been so common, I had never given them a second thought. Now that they were gone from my life, it felt like some kind of other-worldly adventure, the greatest adventure.

And Bella… How often had I yearned for sleep just so I could dream of her, just so I could escape to a world where we could be together? No complications, no danger, no past or future, just us. And I didn´t even doubt in the dream that I was there. It felt 100% real. It hurt a little now, to realize that it wasn´t real, but the mere memory of the dream had the power to soothe my frazzled nerves. Even if it was just a fantasy, it was a gift from heaven.

"Bella," I said simply.

Pain flashed through Alice´s thoughts. ´I´m sorry.´

"Don´t be sorry," I said, turning my face away from her, "It´s not your fault."

She sighed. ´I just wish… I wish there was a way for you two to be together again.´

Her own fantasies of that impossible future stung me. "Don´t," I pleaded.

She stopped at once, focusing on the lyrics to a musical, but her mind was still focused on me, saddened by my sadness.

In a show of brotherly sympathy, I turned my hand upwards and grasped her hand in mine. I saw her smile a little out of the corner of my eye and give me a gentle squeeze. It was good, in spite of everything, to know that my family would never let me down. Even if the whole world collapsed around me, I knew they would always be there.

In assurance of that, as though she knew I was thinking it, she whispered out loud, "We´re here for you, Edward, and Bella too. We won´t let anything happen to either of you."

"I know," I said, hoping my gratefulness was clear.

Her mind became wistful, then. "What´s it like, dreaming?"

I should have known she would be curious about the physics. She had lost all of her human memories. She probably couldn´t comprehend what a dream was.

I sighed and tried to grasp again the feelings of the dream. "It´s hard to explain I guess. It´s like you are remembering something that never happened, like you are making up your own world. I suppose… it would be like if you were writing a book on the spot, and everything you wrote was happening right in front of you, but you don´t really plan it, not really. It just comes to you. It feels like you are watching a movie only you are in it and you can feel and taste everything that is happening."

She wondered if she should ask me the details of the dream, but she thought better of it, knowing it would hurt me to go over the details of my broken love-life. "Is it nice?"

I closed my eyes and tried to feel it. It wasn´t as strong, as dreams so easily dimmed once we awakened, but I remembered Bella´s face clearly, I remembered the gentle swinging of the hammock, and I remembered the warmth wrapped around me. The peace of that thought stayed with me still, like a mark on my heart, and I prayed that as a vampire, the memory of it would never fade.

"It´s wonderful," I said, sincerely.

By the time we arrived at Bella´s house, I was much calmer than before, and there wasn´t a scent of another vampire, so I felt assured that she was safe for now. Still, I made my way to her window. I hesitated to peek inside for a moment, once again feeling that I was overstepping my bounds as her ex-boyfriend, but a millisecond of a glance was enough for me to insure her safety, and I vanished again before she even had time to take a breath. I landed on the ground again, next to the car, and got inside. A most unpleasant scent hit my nose as I got in. "A werewolf is coming by. It smells like Jacob. We should be gone or he will be angry."

Alice frowned, but backed the car out of the driveway anyway, "Why should we care what a wolf thinks?"

"I don´t, but Bella does. I won´t risk losing her friendship, even if it does mean being nice to the wolves."

Alice´s mind was troubled again, but this time, it was Bella that worried her. "Do you really think it´s okay, to have her hanging around a werewolf? He could kill her if he gets angry."

I clenched my teeth, but I knew the answer long ago, and it kept me in control. "I know, but it´s her decision to make. I don´t think it´s safe for her either, but I can´t make that choice for her. If I was still with her, I wouldn´t let her go within a mile of them."

Of that, I was certain. If I had anything to say about her life and safety, I would have done whatever it took to keep those violent creatures away from her. What´s worse, I still wanted to, almost more than anything, and yet an invisible hand always held me back. I had always promised myself that I would stop at nothing to keep Bella safe, so what was stopping me now?

And I knew the reason, and it was achingly simple. She wasn´t mine anymore. That was all there was to it. I would die for her, kill for her, steal for her, run to the edges of the earth, but I couldn´t take away her happiness. If Jacob was what she wanted, I had to respect her wishes, no matter how hard it was for me.

Of course, if I ever found out he had so much as growled at her, I could suck him dry, disgusting as his blood may be.

Alice suddenly slowed the car. "Shouldn´t we tell him what´s happened?"

"We will organize a meeting with the Quileute clan, including his father, but I would rather not have a second confrontation with him in one day. We´ll call the clan as soon as we get back."

Bella´s house faded behind us. I watched it disappear through the side window, and the aching of her absence began again.

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Monday, finally. I never thought I would be so relieved to see it.

Sunday was very uneventful. We met up with Billy Black and a few other werewolves at the treaty boundary, but we didn´t last there for any more than a few minutes. Billy Black was wary of our presence and nervous, since he could not bring enough of his people to outnumber us, should we attack.

But we came in peace and left the same way. We simply informed him that more vampires were coming, and that they were coming specifically for Bella. I didn´t go into many details about why they were, but they didn´t ask out loud or even question it in their thoughts. All they cared about was that more vampires, more vicious ones at that, were coming here. That was all they needed to agree to join us in our efforts. Billy Black guaranteed that a werewolf would be posted outside of Bella´s home at all times, whenever she was not with his son. He also suggested that Jacob could coerce Bella into spending more time on the reservation. I was very hesitant at first, knowing that it would be difficult to reach her if there was a need to, but at the same time I knew that she would be well protected there, or at least more than she would anywhere else in Forks. I hated it with every inch of me, but I conceded.

The rest of the day was spent in Carlisle´s private study as he performed examinations. So far, we had no answers to what had happened to me in Canada, but Carlisle was working around the clock to find out what was happening. One problem we would have tackle was how to analyze the venom over long periods of time without having it dissolve his equipment.

Now I could put that behind me and focus on Bella again. The dream I had had successfully put me into a false sense of reality. In a way it was hard to distinguish between the dream and the truth, and I had to remind myself of that every once in a while. The moment I saw the banners outside promoting the upcoming prom, I thought of taking Bella, and it took me many seconds to realize that I could not. Still, seeing her face could do me some good. I actually felt physically weary from the trials of the weekend.

I heard the sound of her heartbeat over the sound of the school bus, and mine nearly leapt into my throat. As cold and dead as it was, everything about Bella made it feel warm and alive, like I could barely stop it from jumping out of me. I smiled wide, surely looking rather ridiculous, but did not care who saw me. My love was coming and I felt lucky to be alive, just so I could look upon her again.

Her face was in a pout as she exited the bus, and I held back a laugh. Surely she was still missing her car. I decided I should offer her rides. Surely she would appreciate that, and it would give me an excuse to be with her, a desperate excuse, but it was good enough for me. Just like last year, I wanted every opportunity to know more about her. Just when I thought I knew enough, something else shocked me, something else made me fall even deeper in love with her than before.

I sighed. It was dangerous to go down that road. Could I afford to be anymore obsessed with this girl? It hardly mattered now. I was too lost to turn back.

But when she caught sight of me, she cringed, and my smile vanished. What was that look about her? Was she in pain? Was I wrong in assuming Saturday that she had been well? With a thin level of patience, I waited until she was within talking distance, but she was unusually slow.

"Bella?" I said when she finally got close enough, "What´s wrong?"

She didn´t answer at first. She didn't even look at me. It was hard to hold off my panic, but I wouldn´t push her. Still, her troubled face brought me great pain and I reached a hand out to touch her, hoping to draw her attention and perhaps calm her if I could. She flinched again, and I pulled my hand back as though I had been burned. Something was very very wrong.

"Bella, you´re scaring me. Are you alright?"

"I´m fine," She said quickly, her voice hard as ice, "Can I speak with you for a moment in private?"

I didn´t wait to answer. I took her by the arm and led her to corner of the building, just by the woods, and turned to face her. She clutched her books tighter and stared at the ground. I ground my teeth together in frustration. "Did something happen to you?"

"No, don´t be ridiculous. Why would there be something wrong?"

"Having vampires coming after you at the present time is cause for concern."

She blinked in surprise. Clearly she had forgotten. If I was in a better mood I would have laughed. Only Bella would let a bunch of murderous vampires slip from her mind, though as far as she knew, there was only one… and I planned to keep it that way.

"No… It´s not that. I haven´t seen a thing."

I breathed a sigh of relief. I still had time, it seemed, to set things right without damaging her life any further. If I had anything to say about it, she would never even catch sight of those vampires. They would disappear from her life like a distant memory, just as I should have long ago.

"Then what´s wrong?"

She hesitated longer, biting her lip in a way that was far too pleasant to watch. My emotions changed from panic to tender concern. No matter what the reason, anything that harmed Bella harmed me. Perhaps she was coming to me for some personal help. I was gladdened at the thought that she would confide in me that much. No doubt, I would help her with everything I had.

"I can´t hang out with you anymore, Edward. I´m sorry."

I wasn´t expecting that, and my mind faltered. "What are you talking about?"

She looked into my eyes, reaffirming herself, and her gaze was as hard as steel, "I´m sorry, Edward. I just think it would be for the best, for you and for me."

I was too confused to feel anger or sadness, only shock. "Where is this coming from?"

"Please, Edward, don´t make this any harder."

"Don´t make this any harder?" I said, my anger suddenly exploding within me, so powerful it even surprised me, "What in the world have I done?"

Her voice was small and sheepish. "Nothing. You´ve done nothing. It´s all me. I just need some distance from you."

I clenched my teeth harder, fighting the urge to punch in the brick wall next to me. "Why would you need that? I´ve always treated you with respect. I´m trying to make sure you don´t get killed. Is there some problem with that?"

Her face became angry. I knew I was being harsh, but I didn´t even care at the moment. How dare she… How dare she turn me away after all I had done for her! After all I had suffered through just to keep her safe and happy! And she was telling me she didn´t want anything to do with me?

"Back off, Edward. This isn´t about that. You know I am grateful for everything, I just… My life is too complicated right now to deal with this."

"To deal with what?" I growled.

"Ugh," she moaned, "Well it isn´t exactly normal for a girl to be hanging out with her ex-boyfriend. Just imagine what everyone´s thinking."

I didn´t need to imagine a thing. She should know that. I could hear their every twisted thought, and I prayed that she never knew what disgusting things they thought of her, calling her a trollup and a tease. I could have crushed their faces in for the things they imagined of her.

But the biggest surprise of all was that Bella would actually care what these idiot classmates thought of her. She had never been so shallow to give a second thought about what they thought about her. She knew there were people who did not think kindly of her, but she was never anything but respectful, and she didn´t have bitterness in her heart when they spread rumors about her and me. What happened to that girl?

But I was bitter now. "Wow, Bella. You sure have changed. The Bella I knew wasn´t shallow enough to care about silly rumors."

It was harsh to say it, and I knew it, but my anger blinded me until the words were already said. I immediately regretted it, but my pride and current rage were too strong for me to take them back. Bella glared at me, "Don´t you dare judge me, Edward Cullen. When you left, I was the most pitied person in the school. Do not tell me that I´m shallow when I had to endure all the things they said behind my back. You have no idea."

"Don´t I?"

Angry tears fell on her cheeks. "Can´t you just be happy for me? I finally have my life back together, and I never thought I would. I have friends and good grades and my future… and a boyfriend who loves me."

It was a good thing my hand wasn´t against that wall or it would be in pieces by now.

"And a fine job you´ve done there," I snarled through my teeth, "Went straight for a werewolf boyfriend. Do you have a desire to die?"

Bella rose up, as if she was trying to tower over me, but I was well over a few inches taller than her. But like the fierce kitten that thinks it´s a tiger, she looked at me as though she was a vampire herself, like she could tear me apart. "Don´t you dare talk bad about Jacob! You have no right to butt into my business!"

"I am the one trying to keep you alive, you ungrateful…" I cut myself off before I could say the final word. Never had I cursed to a lady and I certainly would not say such a hateful word to the woman I loved.

Her chin jutted out and I could swear she was trying to hold back tears even as they fell, "Go ahead and say it."

I couldn´t say it.

"Go ahead."

Extreme sadness replaced my rage.

She almost smiled then, an evil smile. "… Bitch." The word ended with a grueling hiss.

"Bella…"

"No, you listen to me, Edward," she yelled, mimicking my name in the way I had said hers, only slightly mindful that other students were nearby, "I went through hell after you left. Not only did you disappear, you took your family with you, a family I happened to love. You have no idea what I went through because of that. Everything I ever wanted was just ripped away from me. I could barely eat. I never talked to anyone. For months I couldn´t even sleep. And as soon as I make some progress, you come back and try to interfere with everything again. Well I won´t let you! I am not going to lose everything I have just to make you happy again! If you want to play my knight and shining armor, guess what! I don´t need you to do that anymore! Jacob will never let anything happen to me and I know he would never betray me like you did!"

I yearned for death in that moment more than I ever had. I never wanted to know the pain she suffered because of me. Looking at her now, it was hard to imagine there had been any pain at all. I had almost imagined she had moved on the very next day after I had left. Was it really that hard for her? Had she really had trouble sleeping for months because of our break-up?

Impossible… She was a typical teenage girl, and breakups would only seem like the end of the world to her now. She would grow up. She would know that my leaving her was trivial at more. In fact, she clearly already knew she was better off without me. Like she said, she had someone knew, someone who wanted to protect her, and I had no place in her life.

If I had died on Saturday I could have been at peace right now. I would never have to know this, her hidden hatred of me. I wished I could erase her words from my mind and heart, but they echoed in my ears repeatedly. How foolish I was… to have wanted to hold on to life so I could just see her again. How foolish to think that I could tell her how much I loved her now.

So I did the only thing I could do, I backed down, "Very well."

The silence that followed was deafening, and I struggled to fill it, "Unfortunately we are still classmates, so you´ll have to put up with me there, but let´s just get through the rest of the year and you will never had to see me. Fair enough?"

Tears rolled down her cheeks now, and my anger could not erase the agony at that sight. I ached to reach for her, but her words reminded me that she would only shy away again. Funny, it took her over a year to finally flee from my touch, when she should have instinctively known the very first day that she shouldn´t even be in the same room with me. It took a long time, but she knew better now… I would never touch her again…

"Fine," she said, quickly turning away herself and walking back towards the classrooms.

I stared after her, wanting to see her face again, wanting to memorize it. She was gone too quickly and my heart ripped open again. In my rage, my hand punched into the corner of the brick building, tearing out a nice hole. It did little to relieve my pain, it might as well have been paper, but somehow it hurt even my hand.

And then pain erupted all around me. I clutched my throat as fire exploded from within, but no screams immerged. Instead I collapsed onto the floor and the fire enveloped me. I clutched at the ground and pressed my face into the dirt, afraid that I was going to cry out. Some miniscule part of me was still conscious of the fact that I was mere feet away from a bunch of arriving students, and I rolled away into total darkness so that none would see me, and I held back my screams, letting only pathetic whimpers escape me.

It was the same pain as two days ago, the same burning, the same feeling that my flesh was being torn from my body. I flung my head back against the ground and hissed out my scream, my mouth wide open but emitting hardly a sound. The fire was especially strong around my stomach, and I gripped myself hard.

I heard voices then, "Oh my god!"

To my relief, it was not a human student, but Alice. The sounds of other footsteps followed, and I felt them gripping onto me. They were pulling my arms away. I held on tighter, needing the tiny comfort of this position. "Let go Edward!" Emmett yelled. What was he talking about?

They pulled my arms completely to my sides and held me down as a silently screamed. "It´s happening again. We have to get him back to Carlisle now."

"How? He´s at the hospital. We can´t bring him there or they will know something isn't right."

"We´ll say it´s a family emergency. They´ll let him come home."

They tried to lift me and the pain intensified. I let one audible scream escape me before a mouth muffled it. "Shh, Edward! The humans are all around us."

But I could barely hear her. My mind was already fading. But as all feeling escaped me, and I became weak, I became hopeful at the same time. I was going to pass out again, I could feel it. I was going to dream again. Dream of Bella and a happier time that could never be, a place with no hatred between us. With nothing but my hopeless and tireless love, and her impossible love in return.

To be continued…

HURRAY! I am finally off for summer vacation! I can´t believe it´s almost mid July and I´m only free now! In any event, there will be more frequent updates, I imagine, during the next few months since I don´t have school breathing down my neck. And I´m coming back to the US for a month so a whole lot of relaxation is ahead! I can´t wait to write the next one! A lot of excitement is ahead!

Please review and keep reminding me to write. Often I will forget about the story completely until I get a review Take care everyone and have an awesome summer!