AN: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering? I think so, Brain, but me and Pippy Longstalking? What will the children look like?!

Small update today, but at least it's something :)

*

Everything was dull, muted. It was a sensation she was unfamiliar with. It scared her. She fought against the feeling, but her effort only seemed to force her deeper into the mire.

Sara rode the drugs like an inescapable current. Sometimes they pulled her so deep that there was absolutely nothing. Occasionally she rose towards the surface, sometimes so close that only a murky film stood between her and what lay beyond. If she had just the tiniest bit of control, she knew she'd be able to reach out and touch it. But she never quite did.

When she reached these peaks she got snippets of her surroundings. These disjointed sensations only served to confuse her further. Sara could feel pain, muted by that very same film. She couldn't tell where she hurt, it was to indistinct, and even the reason for the pain slipped through her fingers like a handful of sand.

She also heard voices, and quiet conversations. Most of it didn't process beyond the fact that someone was talking. And even when she did hear the words, she never fully understood them.

"... come back tomorrow?" Sara didn't know the voice.

"I need to be here." That voice she did recognize, but names were also to slick to hold onto. The desperation made her feel desperate also. She was talking about leaving, and Sara didn't want that. Knowing she was there, hearing her, helped keep her calm. Sara didn't want to lose that.

She clawed her way up, struggling to break free. She wanted to tell her to stay, not to leave. The grip loosened, only just, and she felt herself skim across the barrier. Between the hoarseness of her voice and the drugs, actual words were lost. It was more of a sob. She felt the pain more clearly, more sharply. A smoldering burn deep in her throat. Her eyes were too heavy to force open.

Sara felt a hand stroke her forehead. "Shh, it's ok, Sara. Relax for me."

But she couldn't relax until she was sure she was understood. When she tried again, the result was closer to actual language. The effort made her wince.

"Don't try to talk, Sara. You need to rest."

The word was horribly cracked, but it was a word. "Stay."

"I'm right here, ok? I'm not going anywhere." Sara felt the hand slip into her own. She tried to grip it with all the strength, which wasn't very much. "I'm staying right here."

The exertion left her drained and Sara couldn't fight the drugs as they pulled her back under. She drifted with the ebb and flow some time longer, before the waves finally deposited her on dry land.

Her eyes slid open, and she blinked against the lights overhead. She continued to stare straight up as her eyes adjusted. Sara's brain struggled to catch up to her body, to understand where she was. Soft beeps in the background made her brow furrow. The antiseptic smell was unpleasant.

Eventually she turned her head towards the machines. Tape pulled slightly against her neck at the action. It took several minutes before her brain was able to put the pieces together. She was in a hospital.

With that knowledge, she slowly turned to the other direction. Olivia laid on an unmade bed, her jacket bunched up as a makeshift pillow. Even as disoriented as she was Sara could tell the woman was exhausted. Olivia's arm hung over the edge of the mattress. She was dead to the world. Sara decided not to disturb her. She looked back up at the ceiling.

The reason why she was there still eluded her. Sara had a feeling that she didn't want to remember, so she didn't pursue it very hard. It revealed itself slowly, starting with a fear of something terrible. Then the realization that the something terrible had already happened, which only served to increase her fear. Her chest tightened painfully as she waited for something that she wasn't fully aware of. She didn't dare make a noise.

With a faint creak the door opened as a nurse entered. But to Sara's ears there was nothing faint about the sound. All she could hear was crashing. All she could see was him. Sara screamed and fought against the blankets and tubes that seemed to tie her down. She couldn't negotiate them before hands were on her. Her eyes were once again tightly shut.

Sara curled herself up, whimpering and gasping for air.

"Sara, honey, listen to me." Olivia's voice was soft and reassuring. "You're safe. No one's going to hurt you. I'm right here. You're safe now."

She latched onto the hand that stroked her arm. The memories had her in tears, and she listened as Olivia continued to speak. She was slow to calm down, and hardly noticed the rawness in her throat. Finally she was reduced to lingering sniffles, but she was still reluctant to let go of Olivia's hand.

"Hi, Sara, my name is Jessica. I'd like to ask you some questions and make sure you didn't hurt yourself just now. Is that ok?" Sara opened her eyes and looked over to the nurse, who smiled nonthreateningly. Uncertain, she bit her lip.

Olivia's free hand cleared away stray hairs that had fallen across Sara's face. "If I stand right here like I am now, will you let her?"

She nodded slowly.

"All right," the nurse began, "are you having any trouble breathing?"

Sara shook her head.

"That's good. Do you feel nauseous or dizzy?" She waited for Sara to shake her head again. "Bet your throat is pretty sore, though."

"Yeah." The word came out like gravel.

"Ok. I'll get you something for that. If you start to feel different, let someone know, ok?"

Sara nodded again, deciding against speaking.

Olivia spoke to the nurse before she could move. "Maybe we should prop the door open for now?"

Sara watched the whole time as the woman opened the door again and slid a wedge under it. She only watched the open portal for a few moments before she started to drive herself crazy, and she shifted her gaze away from the door. Just as she thought, she wished she didn't remember. But she remembered every single sound, every single thing she saw. The hands that grabbed her already slick with someone else's blood.

Olivia sat down, Sara still clutching her hand, and found the new position had them looking eye to eye. Sara's lip started to quiver, and she had to close her eyes.

"He killed them all."

Olivia squeezed her hand. "No. A.J.'s alive. I've already talked to him, he's going to be just fine."

"Really?" She had been sure that when he cried out, that was the last thing she'd ever hear from him. The relief was overwhelming.

"Yeah. And he wants to see you as soon as the doctor lets him."

She nodded as much as her bandage would allow. "Me too."

The nurse returned shortly and injected something into her IV. Sara felt herself once again drifting off.