AN: Had something come up the other day, so this week is going to be a bit screwy. I'll see about getting something up every day, but we'll see. Also, got a wedding out of town this weekend, so probably won't post anything those two days.

*

Sara was so excited to finally be able to see A.J. that she sat on the edge of her bed while she waited. A nurse stood beside her in case the change in position made her lightheaded. She didn't notice one way or the other, and really didn't care. So long as it didn't stop him from coming.

Another nurse pushed him in on a wheel chair. As soon as her eyes locked on him, Sara broke out into the biggest smile she ever remembered having. Her eyes filled with tears. A.J.'s reaction was nearly identical. Sara stood up with the nurse's help, and felt a little wobbly. A.J. wasted no time in getting up himself, looking annoyed when it was more difficult than he expected.

She wrapped her arms around him tightly. He exhaled sharply, but returned the hug just as strong. Sara's head rested against his shoulder. While her grip loosened, she didn't dare let go. The tears refused to stop.

"You're really ok?" A.J. asked. She could hear the tears in his own voice.

"Yeah, and you?"

"I'll be fine. I'm sorry... I should have made you leave sooner."

Sara shook her head vigorously against him. "I wanted to stop you, but I was too scared."

"It's not your fault," he insisted. But Sara didn't see it that way.

"My dad killed your parents. Almost killed you... all because of me." Despite their home life, she knew A.J. loved his parents. There were times that he hated them, but of course the emotions were never that cut and dried. And love or hate, she felt their deaths heavily on her shoulders. If only she hadn't decided to go over that night, then they'd be alive and A.J. wouldn't have been hurt. She couldn't be as certain of her own fate, but it wouldn't have mattered.

A.J. pulled back, making Sara look him in the face. "Don't blame yourself."

"But..."

"Please," he begged. After taking a breath he continued. "You did everything you should have done. It's not your fault he was a psycho."

She didn't want to argue with him. He was too good at making his points. It did help to know that he didn't blame her. Sara didn't know what she would do if he had.

A.J.'s gaze went to the bandage on her neck. "Does it hurt much?"

All the talking and crying really wasn't helping, but she didn't want to stop yet. "On and off." Sara looked at his stomach, though the bandage was covered. "And yours?"

"A little." He also lied. They both smiled a little, realizing that the other was also holding back.

Sara was able to get some sleep while at the hospital. This was largely because she found herself too tired to resist, and apparently too tired to really dream. Being awake was much harder. She constantly stared in the direction of the door, watching those who entered or just passed by. Whenever she heard anyone approaching she always felt a moment of panic. Unfortunately, it was worse if the door was shut. Sounds in the hallway would get distorted, and in the middle of the day when it was busiest, Sara quickly found herself unable to breathe. After that they had been sure to keep it open for good.

Olivia had stopped by each day after work. Sara was grateful to see her, but found herself wishing the visits were longer. She knew that the woman had things to do, and was as reluctant to leave as Sara was to see her go. It seemed like too much to ask. And she might have asked anyway if she didn't actually think Olivia would stay. There was a part of her brain that knew Olivia wouldn't deny her, and that same part knew it wouldn't be fair.

She and A.J. were both discharged on the same day. Olivia had managed to get them placed in homes just a couple blocks apart, but that had been the best that she could do. Neither of them would be doing much walking for a few days, so a few blocks seemed like it might as well have been across the city. She understood that Olivia was doing the best she could manage with her limited influence.

The family was nice enough, but they were still strangers. It was even worse because she needed help changing her bandage. Between the location and trying to translate her movements through a mirror, Sara couldn't do it herself. She could barely look at the exposed wound. It disgusted her even more than any of the scars she had inflicted upon herself. Having someone else see it filled her with shame. Sara had found it easier at the hospital, at least there it had not felt nearly as personal.

Sara barely slept the first night there. She had a room to herself, which was for the best because she left the lights on and the door cracked open. Even with these precautions ever creak of the house made her body go on alert. Her eyes never seemed to close for more than a few minutes before something would pull her from the brink of sleep.

Olivia would visit on her way back from the precinct. While Sara didn't mention her problem, Olivia noticed her sleeplessness on the second day. Her expression changed to a small frown of concern.

"Are you ok?" Olivia asked.

Sara shrugged, not looking her in the eye. "More or less."

"You look like you haven't slept at all."

Diverting attention was one thing, but Sara had never been very good at blatantly lying. It just wasn't in her character. So her reply was to just sit there.

Olivia laid a hand on her arm. "What can I do?"

"I dunno." Sara shrugged again. She didn't know if there was anything that would make it any easier.

"Want to get out of here for a while?"

The offer was so unexpected that Sara just turned her head up and stared at Olivia blankly. She wasn't quite sure what Olivia meant.

Olivia replied to the expression. "If you want you can stay at my place tonight. I can bring you back here in the morning."

"That's ok?" Sara wondered.

Olivia smiled. "If you want to it is."

"Um, yeah. I'd like that."

It made her nervous, mostly because she wasn't used to this kind of thing. Someone other than A.J. going out of their way to try and help her. The fact that Olivia had been doing it from the start didn't make it feel any less strange now. Getting out of there... she couldn't think of anything that sounded better just then.

"Don't mind the clutter. I've never been very neat," Olivia said as she opened the door. As though to prove her point, she shed her coat on the nearest surface.

Sara bit her lip to keep from laughing. Looking around, she thought 'controlled chaos' would be a generous approximation. A stack of newspapers rested haphazardly on the end table by the couch. Dirty dishes sat in the sink, and the drying rack stood virtually empty. Everything was in the general place that it was expected to be, but that was about it. It spoke of a person that either didn't have the time or inclination to tidy up, perhaps neither. Only a few degrees separated the space from being a disaster.

Oddly enough, Sara found it kind of refreshing.

"Ok," Olivia added with a sigh, "I'm a slob."

This time Sara did laugh. "It feels lived in."

"I spend more time at the precinct than I do here. Which might be why it looks like it does in the first place. Housecleaning doesn't tend to be a priority after pulling a double."

Probably not, though Sara would hardly be one to know.

They were sitting on the couch watching some movie that Sara couldn't bother to focus on. Her mind was more concerned with getting over this irrational fear she had. Her father was dead, after all. The threat was gone. And yet here she was day after day drawn up tight just waiting for him to come back. Waiting for something else because she just couldn't believe that it was over. It didn't really matter that she knew things didn't work that way. Bad things didn't just go away, even if she wished they would.

"I don't want to feel like this anymore," Sara blurted. It seemed pathetic.

There was a pause before Olivia responded. "It takes time, but it will get better."

Her tone spoke of personal experience. Sara remained silent as Olivia gave her a sullen smile. She wasn't sure what to say because Olivia didn't seem the type to have something bad happen to her. And if something did happen, Sara couldn't see her having difficulty in resolving it. The thought was a frightening to consider.

Olivia gave her a serious look. "Just don't try to deal with it all yourself. You have people who want to help you, so let them. That makes it so much easier."