Chapter 2

Alex

You opened the door to find Olivia Benson standing expectantly in the doorway. You'd wondered how long it would take. You'd been waiting for her. She stood there, looking suddenly so much like a small lost child, that you wanted to take her in your arms and tell her everything would be ok. But you could not. He was standing right behind you.

"Olivia, is everything alright?" You asked calmly, realising it was a foolish question. She looked exhausted. Broken. Her eyes red from crying. Her hands clutching one another tightly, fingernails digging so hard into her own skin you thought she would draw blood.

She shook her head slightly, saying nothing. But her eyes penetrated deep into your soul. 'No it's not alright,' those wounded eyes screamed 'What are you doing to me Alex?"

A wave of self hatred washed over you realising you'd caused that pain. The person you loved more than anyone, and you'd been the one to cause that desperate stare in her eyes.

"Did something happen at work?" You ask again, casually. You can't afford for him to get suspicious. Even though it was killing you to stand there and not take her in your arms in that moment, and drive every fear and doubt away.

"Come in Olivia." He said finally. "I must be going. You two chat."

"Detective Benson." She muttered as he stood by to let her in the house.

"Yes of course, forgive me. Detective Benson, please come in."

It annoyed you the way he had invited her in, as if it was his house. You realised it soon will be. He will be your husband and everything of yours will be his. Everything. But. Her.

He kissed you as he grabbed his coat. It almost made you sick. But somehow you managed to kiss him back. In fact you kiss him with more passion than if you'd been alone with him. Not to hurt her, although that's exactly what it achieves. But because it's imperative that she walks away. You can't have her suspicious. You need her to let go. Too much is riding on this.

You hate hurting her. It was an unfortunate consequence. It wasn't intended. And up until that very moment, you hadn't even realised just how deeply you had hurt her. The pain in her eyes caught you by surprise. Was she really crying over you? Somehow you had it in your head that you meant nothing to her. That it would be easy for her to walk away, that she would somehow be relieved. It broke your heart realising there would be no future for the two of you. But it was your choice after all, what right did you have to complain?

This would be the hardest thing you ever have to do. To send her away. To break her heart. It was the only way.

What you wanted more than anything was to hold her, to tell her that you loved her- only her. That you never loved anyone that way. That you wanted to be with her the rest of your life. That he meant nothing to you. You wished you could tell her the real reason behind this. But it was too risky. And you hoped once all this was over, maybe there would be a chance. But she was making it so hard. She wouldn't let you just slip away, She was going to make you hurt her. Badly. There was too much at stake now. For you, for her, for so many people. You were in too deep and there was only one way out.

You hated the way she stood there, so fragile, as if she would fall over any moment. Shifting nervously from one foot to the other. Trying to sound angry, trying to hide the depth of her pain. It was almost too much. But you couldn't let her break you.

"You only just met him." She said finally.

"I've known him for years, since I was a child." You replied honestly.

"Oh." Is all she answered. She is silent for some time, and it's almost painful to watch her standing there, lost for words.

"Look." You finally spoke, because you couldn't stand the awkward silence. You couldn't stand to have her this close and not be able to touch her. "We had fun ok, It was nice while it lasted. But it's not like it was a life long commitment." You add coldly.

You saw in her eyes that you'd wounded her. You hated yourself for it. But you couldn't let her see how much it was hurting you. You kept your voice steady, your gaze firm. "Just get over it." You finished, feeling your own blood turn to ice as you heard the words escape your lips.

It worked though. She nodded. "Yeah. Right."

And before you know it she was gone.