"Carmen kissed her? What did she do?"

I shake my head slowly while trying to pay attention to the road, "Nothing. She just let her. She said she liked it."

"Oh my god, that's crazy." I nod, "So, wait, why isn't Spencer riding with you?"

I shrug, "We got into a fight on the way back from lunch and she's probably getting Carmen to give her a ride home."

"About what?"

I tell Kyla the whole story, I feel like I could never tell her a lie. "And that's the gist of it all."

"Wow, so are you gonna apologize?"

I pull into my driveway, "Am I gonna apologize? What did I do wrong?"

"You hit her where it hurts most: Ashley. She knows everything that you told her and she feels really bad about it."

I roll my eyes, "And how do you know?"

"Because she tells me this stuff. All she says to me is she wish she was straight--"

I shut off the car as I shake my head, "Well, she won't be straight. She just has to deal with it."

"Her mom makes it kinda hard, Rox." Kyla says with sympathy in her voice.

"Don't talk to me about moms. My mom sent me to camp to wash the sin of being gay away. I got over it and--"

Kyla cuts me off, "What if Spencer isn't you, huh? What if Spencer isn't even as strong as you? Should she have to feel bad because she doesn't know what to do in this situation? I don't think so."

She's right, "No," I sigh, "I guess I just lost my temper. I mean who is she to tell me what I feel and if I've been in love or not."

"Have you?" I nod, "And how was she suppose to know that if you didn't tell her? She can't read minds and I can't either."

I sigh, "It just hurts… that's all."

Kyla places her hand on mine, "It always hurts coming from a true friend." she smiles.

I roll my eyes, "Well, Spencer must be the truest of them all." I smile and laugh. We get out of the car and walk into the house. Kyla goes looking for Hunter… don't know why. There better not be anything going on there. I go up to my room then sit on my bed and play with my guitar a little bit. I start to play the song that I've had in my head all day; no special reason. You say the sweetest things and I cant keep my heart from singing. Along, to the sound of your song, my stupid feet keep moving…I continue to play the guitar to what I think is the beat of the song. Someone stop this song, so I won't sing along…and before I know it I'm actually singing the song out loud.

When I get done singing the song I hear clapping behind me, it's Jeremy, "And this is why I want you to play with me on Friday."

I smile and lay the guitar down behind me on my bed, "That's called eavesdropping."

He sits next to me on the bed, "No, that was Paramore, you were playing the song how could you forget?"

I nudge him with my shoulder, "Smart-ass."

He nudges me back, "So you gonna play with me?"

I look at my feet, "I'm not sure. I thought I had four more days?" I look at him.

He looks at me, "Well, you don't."

I sigh, "Why do you want you sister to play with you? Isn't that kinda dorky for you?"

He rolls his eyes and picks up the guitar making sure not to hit me in the head, "Join in if you know it." he pauses the starts strumming, "Well I thought that we could sit around and, talk for hours about things I couldn't say to you and things that we could never do and, This conversation has had no face…" he begins.

I wait for my favorite part, "and I'll borrow words from all my favorite paragraphs to write about all of these faded things we hope would mean the most to me…"

We sing the song together through to the finish. He looks at me and smiles, "Perfect. And you ask why I wanted you."

That felt really good. I smile, "I'll do it."

He smirks, "I know."

"Get out," I say playfully, "There's only room for one ego."

"Thanks." he says sincerely before putting down my guitar and leaving the room. I watch TV for at least two hours. I'm feeling pretty thirsty so I walk downstairs then I walk to the kitchen. I open the fridge and pull out a coke.

I walk past the dining room, which my dad and mom have made their personal office even though they have offices in the house. "Roxy." a voice comes from the room.

It's my dad, I walk to the doorway, "Hey, dad." I say monotonously.

He smiles at me through his glasses, "Hey, Roxy." I stare at him, "Oh, um, I just wanted to talk to you. See how your day went. I feel like we haven't talked for a while."

We haven't talked since I came back from camp, "My day was okay." no need to go into detail, he wouldn't understand anyways.

"Something wrong?" he says.

I shake my head, "Nope."

He nods, "Could you sit down for a sec?"

"Dad, I--"

"Please?" he says with pleading eyes.

I sigh and walk over to the chair that's across from him, "Okay dad."

He takes off his glasses, "Um, I wanna talk to you."

"I thought that was what you were doing."

He sighs and rubs his temples, "Listen, I'm sorry."

"About what?"

"About sending you to that camp."

I don't wanna talk about this right now, no. I stand up, "Um, dad. I have homework to do so I better hop on it."

He keeps on talking, "I never realized how much that hurt y--"

I close my eyes, "Dad, please. Stop, I don't need to hear this right now." I leave my coke and run up to my room. I slam the door behind me. I press my back to the door and slowly slide down. I bring my knees up to my chest and place my head on them.

Perfect timing to talk about the worst moment of my life. I feel like everything's crumbling under my feet and taking everyone I love away. I can't ever be happy.

I sit in that position for the next hour until my phone rings. I don't want to get it, I'm sure it would only be more bad news or something else. It keeps on ringing and it's getting kinda of annoying. I walk over to my dresser and pick the cell up, "Hello?"

"Hey."

I smile big and fall back on my bed, "Hi."

"Do you know who this is?"

"The better question is: could I ever forget, Lily?"

I just know she's smiling; she laughs, "Probably not."

I sigh, "I miss you."

"I miss you, too."

"I wish I was there with you right now." I say telling her nothing but the truth.

"Psh, you wish you were here? I wish I was there with you, Miss Hollywood."

I roll my eyes but still smile, "No, I don't think so. There's nothing but stupid drama."

"What's going on?" she asks sweetly.

I tell her everything: Spencer, Ashley, my dad, "I don't need this right now."

"So you pulled Spencer up on your car and put on a show?" she asks giggling.

I nod, "Yeah."

She laughs, "I use to be Spencer in situations like that, you are so embarrassing," she sighs, "Those were the good days."

"They sure were…" I trail off because I really don't want reality to set in; I'm not in Ohio anymore.

"So have you talked to Spencer since lunch, she came over?"

I shake my head even though she can't see me, "Nope."

"Well, you should."

I roll my eyes, "So you think I should apologize, too?"

"And you don't?"

"No. I didn't do anything wrong."

She sucks air in through her teeth, "It's not easy being gay, Roxy."

Is she serious, "I, of all people, know that I mean, hello, look at where I am and why."

"Then you should be helping her and not pointing out her flaws with taking care of this."

I roll my eyes again, "But--"

"No, buts. Just think about it, don't you want her to be happy?"

"Why? I'm sure as hell not…"

She scoffs, "Listen, I know you're not a Christian but you can still be nice so there's this saying."

"Oh, god here we go."

She chuckles, "Shut up. It says just because your life isn't going as planned don't take it out on someone else. So, make Spencer's life better than yours."

"And how's that fair for me?"

She scoffs, "It's not."

"So why am I doing it?"

She laughs, "It's called a good deed, you just do it. And on top of the satisfaction of doing the deed, you get to know that I'm proud of you."

"For what?" I say curiously.

"For not changing. And being that same, nice girl that I started dating two years ago."

I smile, "I'm pretty much amazed that we lasted this long…"

"Why? We're great together."

I laugh, "Well, I mean the smart, pretty, perky cheerleader and the--"

She finishes my sentence, "Bad ass, delinquent girl."

I smile, "We're not really a normal couple. For a few facts really."

"And what are they?"

"Well, You're a girl and I'm a girl. Um, Ohio is still stuck in 1874." she laughs, "And our parents like each other. Or liked better yet."

"Isn't that usually a good thing when parents like each other?"

I scoff, "Yeah, usually but hello we're not usual. Weren't you listening, jeez?"

She laughs and I smile, "I love you so much." she says.

"I love you, too." I say on the edge of crying or punching something because I'm so far away.

We don't say anything, we just soak in our love until, of course, someone interrupts me. My door opens, "It's almost time for church."

I look at my mom, "I changed my mind."

My mom puts her hand on her hip, "Roxy, you said you would, please?"

I sigh heavily, "Okay, I'll go. Let me get dressed, okay?"

My mom nods, "Thank you, Roxy." then closes the door.

I sigh into the phone, "Church time?"

I get up and stretch my arms and arch my back, "Yep. I really don't wanna go. I'd rather just stay on the phone with you."

"Yeah, I wish you could. But I have to go, too."

"What are you doing?" I say as I walk over to my closet to pick out something that actually covers my legs. I don't want the church goers thinking I'm a heathen already…they have to get to know me.

"Um, me and the squad just got done watching the Notebook and it made me think of you."

I smile, "You're blushing aren't you?"

She laughs nervously, "Maybe."

I laugh, "You're so cute." I smile.

"Yeah, I am. And you are soooooo bad ass." she says laughing.

"And don't you forget it, baby." we both laugh, "I guess I better let you go finish doing your hard work with the squad. I mean, I'm sure rhyming is super hard work, get to it! You can do it!" I say thinking of when I use to watch her during the stupid football games.

She laughs, "Whatever. I know you've always been jealous of my pom-poms, I see the way you eye them."

I smile, "Yeah, you're right. I do eye your pom-poms." what a dirty bird I am.

She laughs nervously again, "You're such a weirdo."

I'm sure she's blushing, "But I'm your weirdo."

She giggles, "Sadly…"

I laugh, "Ooh, nice burn."

I know she's smiling, "I gotta go. I'll call you later tonight, okay?"

"Okay."

"Ily and Imy." she says, "Oh and you're on speaker."

I hate those phrases, "Ugh, I hate those phrases."

"Well, fine I won't say them."

"Yeah, you will. That's what cheerleaders do. Piss people off."

"We do not." Her friends laugh and some agree and disagree.

I nod and laugh, "Yeah you do. Or you make little boys fairly aroused."

Her squad starts cracking up and they all agree, "I'll call you later. I love you." she says between laughter.

I smile, "Love you, too." I pause, "Love you, squad!"

They all reply at the same time, "Love you too!" I laugh and hang up the phone. It's amazing how Lily's cheerleading buddies don't hate her because she's gay. They truly love her and I'm grateful because if they didn't… I don't think we ever would've lasted this long. I look through my closet for a pair of black, tight jeans and a white shirt.

I don't really know why I didn't tell Spencer about Lily. They weren't best friends but they were something, they knew each other at least. But they have one thing in common: they both got screwed over by Debbie. I honestly think she is a closet lesbian. She's jealous that Spencer and Lily are out of the closet. Hell, maybe she wants them…

I laugh at the thought of Debbie hitting on Lily. I'm not even sure me and Lily are technically together. We're not going out with other people but we're so far away. Okay, I know that doesn't mean that we're broken up. We're not broken up until one us says it's over but it'll never come to that because I could never bring myself to say it and I'm sure she couldn't either. She's not the first girl I've gone out with, just the first I've loved. I've never said I loved you to a person I was going out with unless I meant it. When my ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends said it to me, I would tell them how it was. "I don't love you" is easier to say than I love you for some reason beyond me. I wouldn't know what to do without her, I'd probably wish to not wake up everyday.

I find the jeans and shirt I was looking for and put them on. I decide to wear my skull slip-ons. I spray on some 'Tilt' I got from Pac Sun… that Spencer bought me when I first got here. I wonder if she's still going tonight… awkward.

I pick up my small, simple, black purse and put all my make up in it. You never know when you might need to reapply. I think I wanna look good as I'm burning on holy ground. I look at myself in the mirror then sigh. I think I'm ready. I walk out of my room and see my brothers lined up by the stairs.