I scrunch my face up, "I don't really know. I mean we didn't say we were breaking up and we're not seeing other people."

"You might wanna figure that out." I nod in agreement with her, "But, wow, I cant believe it. So how long after I left?"

I try to think of the exact day we started going out for sure, "I think… August 31st."

"That is definitely a long time to be with someone."

She thinks I don't know that, "Duh." I laugh.

She smiles but stops, "I wanna ask you a question, promise me you'll answer honestly and you won't get mad."

"I…" I pause to think about what I'm promising to. I have a very bad temper, "promise." I finish.

She doesn't hesitate to ask me, "Why didn't you do anything when I left?"

"What was I suppose to do? Hop on the front of the plane?" I try to joke; it doesn't work.

-----------------------------------------------

Spencer sits down next to me on the bench. I don't know why she even brought here. Maybe she'll pop the question, I mean this place is beautiful… kidding. "Hey." She says giving me a sad smile.

I tilt my chin up at her, "Hey." she doesn't say anything… she just looks at me, "What do you want?" I say not trying to be completely rude but I need to see how Lily's doing.

"Oh yeah," she chuckles weakly, "Um, I wanna tell you something." confess your love for me, Spencer. I've been waiting for this moment.

I nod, "Okay." I start smiling.

She smiles sadly, "I'm moving. To L.A."

Did my heart just break into billions of pieces? No, better yet, I think it shattered. "Oh," the smile falls off of my face, "For how long?"

She looks down at the ground, "When I can come back on my own."

I nod, "That sucks, we could've turned Ohio upside down." I smile weakly at my hands then look at her.

She looks up at me, "This more than sucks. There's not a word for this. I'm gonna miss you guys so much." She wraps her arms around me. I slowly but surely wrap my arms around her. My eyes begin to gloss over so I stop hugging her.

"Yeah," I chuckle nervously. My pocket starts to vibrate so I take my cell out and look at the screen. It says I got a text so I go look in my inbox. "Can you come over now? I feel like I'm gonna die." I nod at the phone then close it and put it back in my pocket. "Listen, I gotta go okay?" I stand up.

"Who was that?" Spencer asks standing up.

I move the bangs out of my face, "Some--something really important came up. Call me later, okay? We'll hang out for sure before you leave."

Spencer nods sadly, "Okay…"

I put on a fake smile then walk away…

-----------------------------------

"No, but you went totally dead after I told you. It kinda seemed like you didn't care." Spencer says, I can tell she was hurt.

I sigh, "Of course I cared. I had a huge crush on you and I think my world completely caved in when you told me that. I've always had the idea that if you shut it out it can't faze you."

"Did that work?" Spencer says.

I shake my head, "Nope. I think that's when I started becoming the bitch I am today."

She smiles, "So you had a crush on me?"

I nod, "Yeah, but Spencer Carlin was nowhere near queer." I joke with her.

"I had feelings for you. I just didn't want to accept them." I bite by lip again, "But I'm getting better, way better, at accepting my feelings for Ashley."

I smile, "Good."

"So… who was it?"

"Huh? Who was what?"

She smiles, "That text you got before you dashed off."

"Oh," I remember what she's talking about, "It was Lily."

"You were going with her then?"

I shake my head, "No. Her grandpa was sick and then he died after you left and they were really close and… I tried to help her."

"So shortly after her grandpa died you swooped in and started taking care of her?"

I scoff with a smile, "Ha, no. She took care of me. I mean yeah I tried my best to help her with her grandpa but that was pretty hard with my mom on my ass and everything else."

"What's everything else?"

I roll my neck around and close my eyes, "Everyone finding out that I was gay, my dad cheating on my mom, me getting arrested…"

"You got arrested? Your dad cheated on your mom?" Spencer says screaming at me. She's got some lungs on her.

I open one of my eyes to peep at Spencer because I think there's gonna be more screaming, "Yes." I say weakly.

"Are you kidding? What else don't I know about you? Why'd you get arrested?" she asks placing her hand on top of her head.

I inch down in my seat, "Fighting."

"Who?"

"Lily's mom…" I mumble.

"Lily's mom, Roxy? Lily's mom? W-Why?"

I sit up straight, "She pulled my hair!"

Spencer puts her hand over her mouth then removes it, "So you hit her. Did you punch her in her face?"

I shake my head, "No, I pushed her and she hit her arm on a doorknob or something like that."

"Why'd you push her anyway?"

I roll my eyes, "I was simply trying to be a nice person. I mean I knew Lily's mom never really liked me so me having the guts to even walk into her house and tell her that I was in love with her daughter was a pretty big step."

"Well, what caused you to push her?"

I think back to that day…

---------------------------------------------

I knock on the door and ring the doorbell. Mrs. Anderson answers the door, "Hello Mrs. Anderson."

She gives me mean smile, "Lily's not here."

I think I know that, broad, it's like three o'clock. She's at cheerleading practice… I know more about your daughter than you do and that's basically why I'm here… bitch. Ugh I wish I would've said that to her, "I know. I actually came to talk to you."

Mrs. Anderson looks confused, "About what?"

She better sit down for this. She doesn't even know I'm gay, she hates me because I'm me. "Can I come in?" I ask pointing inside at the couch.

She nods then backs up to let me in, "Sure."

I walk in then go over to the couch to sit; she sits in the chair and I sit in the loveseats. And how is this a loveseat, all I feel is hate, maybe I'm sitting in them wrong. "I need to tell you something." She nods. She then crosses her legs, right over left while placing her left hand on top of her right leg. I clear my throat and look down at my sweaty palms. I don't know why I'm doing this, actually, I do. So when I'm with Lily I can feel like I'm actually in a relationship so we don't have to hide. "I love your daughter." Plain and simple.

"I love my daughter, too. What are you getting at?"

She's so dense, "No, I guess what I meant to say was that I'm in love with your daughter."

I stare at her intensely and I notice that her color is changing. I think she's turning into Satan , "I don't understand."

I roll my eyes, "Look, I am in love with your daughter and I want to be with her." She just stares at me. Awkward, "I'm gay."

She stands up and I stand up just as quickly, "Well, my daughter is not." she looks me right in the eyes, maybe that's why what she just said hurts so much.

I tug at my skirt while biting my lip, "Okay but whatever she is, she loves me."

She chuckles nervously, "No, I said Lily's not gay."

"Well, maybe she's bi or maybe she doesn't care who she falls in love with," I point at myself, "By the way that's me."

She shakes her head, "No."

I nod, "Yes." she is pretty damn dense and she's making me pretty damn angry.

"Get out of my house." she points to the door.

I roll my eyes and place all the pressure on my right foot, "Me leaving is not gonna make our feelings for each other go away. And I will always love her, like it or not."

"I don't like it."

I shake my head, "That doesn't matter, it's not about you. It's about Lily, and what she wants. And I think as of right now she wants me." I raise my voice to her.

She gasps, appalled, "You will not raise your voice to me in my own house."

"Maybe that's what it takes to get you to understand the facts." I cross my arms as I look down and close my eyes. I open them to look back to Mrs. Anderson; she's still speechless. I walk past her, to the door. She follows closely behind me, still not saying anything. I touch the doorknob but look behind me at her, "You know, you're really failing the 'I love my daughter' test right now." I scoff, "I know Lily way better than you think you do." I turn back to the door and begin to pull the knob until Mrs. Anderson takes it upon her self to pull my hair.

She yanks at it and I feel like my skin could come off so I push her away from me, that's called self defense. I push her into a door by mistake.

She screams after her body collides with the door, "Richard!" she calls her husband's name. He comes running down the stairs and stops to look at the situation. I roll my eyes because I know how this looks. It says that a teenage delinquent took her anger out on a rich housewife…

----------------------------------------------

I continue to tell Spencer the story, "And Richard held me there until the cops came. Longer story short, I got arrested for abuse or something along those lines and she got nothing but a bruise that lasts for maybe a day." I sigh.

Spencer stares in disbelief, "Wow, Mrs. Anderson did all that?"

I laugh, "Yep. And after that my mom decided that I should go to a de-gay camp because all my problems stem from being gay; not from having her as a mom. So if I stopped being gay then I would be her perfect little angel." I roll my eyes, "Yeah, right."

"I still can't believe they did that… arrested you."

I scoff, "Do you want me to show you my record? My mom has a copy of it."

She laughs, "No. You've been through so much… I didn't even know."

I shrug, "I don't like to tell people my whole life story, it takes forever to explain."

She nods, "And all that happened within two years."

I sigh, "Yep. I wonder what this year holds for me. Maybe going down to Cabo and getting herpes or something?"

She laughs, "Ashley always wanted to go to Cabo… with me."

"Then you should go."

"But we're not to--"

"Blah, blah, blah. You're not together. She knows that, you know that and I know that, now, what's you point?"

"Go away with her when we're not going out?" Spencer asks like it's the most unheard thing.

I shake my head and scoff, "You can go anywhere with her. She's your friend, I mean, it's not the most unheard of thing. Just tell her not to expect anything. It's simple, Spence: don't do anything you don't want to do."

"I just don't want to led her on." Spencer says sadly.

"Well, it's for you to decide, Spencer. No one can make that decision. It's apparent that Ashley made her decision between you and Aiden."

"No, it's not."

"Are you kidding me? Spence, I'm sure she's not following Aiden around, especially to church. And I'm pretty positive that she's not trying to become friends with her enemy for Aiden." I sigh, "And I'm pretty sure she's not in love with him either. She does all those things for you."

Spencer smiles and nods, "But for how long will she be doing that?"

"Ashley seems pretty persistent so probably till the end of time."

Spencer smiles then yawns. She looks at her wristwatch, "I think it's time I headed home."

I unlock the doors, "Yeah, I do have an exam tomorrow and I might actually take it if that asshole isn't trying to look up my skirt this time."

Spencer laughs as she open her door. I get out of the car and shut the door; Spencer does the same, "Then don't wear a skirt."

I make a disgusted sound, "But I look hot."

She shakes her head and starts walking to her house, "See you in the morning."

I smile, "Who said I was giving you a ride in the morning?"

She keeps on walking to her house and just waves to me backward. I shake my head then walk to my front door. I make sure my car is locked by pressing down on my key chain. It's locked so I continue to my door. I would usually ring the doorbell to get in but considering that no ones home, I open the door with my key.

As I close the door behind me my cell vibrates. I close and lock the door before answering it, "Yeah?" I say not really paying attention.

"Is that how you answer your phone all the time?" the voice asks.

I walk up the stairs, smiling, "Depends on who's calling."

"You answer the phone like that when I call you? What a jerk."

I laugh, "I'm just kidding, you know I love you."

"You better."

"Well, I do. So what are you doing Lily pad?" I ask walking into my room.

I hear her rustling in her background, "I'm drawing a picture."

She draws such pretty pictures. She always scans them to her computer and sends them to me. I remember this one picture she drew of me… it was beautiful. Not just because it was me but the colors she used, the shading, it all made a difference, "What are you drawing now?" I kick off my shoes and fall back on my bed with my eyes closed.

"It's a hummingbird. It's a tattoo that I wanna get."

I gasp, "Cheerleader with a tattoo? That's so taboo. Hey, that rhymed." I say jokingly.

She laughs, "Shut up."

"So if you're a cheerleader than it has to be a tramp stamp, right?" I say as I open my eyes and stare up at the ceiling.

"No. I don't even like those."

"I do." I smile.

"Of course you do. All bad girls do but that doesn't mean I'm getting one for you." she says.

I crawl up to the top of my bed, "Fine then. You know, Ashley has one."

"So you're checking her out now? I thought she was like your rival." Lily says playfully.

I shake my head, "She can't be my rival, we're not fighting over anything."

The rustling noise in the background stops so I assume she stop drawing, "Yes, you are. Apparently, you're fighting over Spencer's affections."

I roll my eyes, "Oh, yeah I sure want Spencer." I say sarcastically.

She giggles, "So have you talked to her yet?"

"Yeah, she came to church with us and I drove her there and back. We talked."

"So you made up?" she says slowly.

I chuckle, "Yeah. We talked about almost everything. She knows why I was distant before she left. I told her how I got arrested because of your mom. And she now knows that you're gay so if you wanted to keep that a secret from her then oops my bad." I laugh.

She laughs weakly, "She didn't know I was gay before? Did you not tell her that we are going out?"

I nod, "Yeah, I told her. I told that we've been going out for the past two years."

"So, wait," she pauses, "You didn't tell her that you had a girlfriend when you first moved up there?"

I shake my head confused, what is she getting so worked up about, "Uh, no. It wasn't anyone's business."

"Well, you make it everyone's business. I mean you basically advertise that you're gay to the entire world."

"What the hell? What do you want me to do? Go back in the closet." I say getting kind of angry on top of being completely confused.

"No, I'm just saying… you didn't tell anyone you had a girlfriend when you moved up there."

"So… what? It's no one's business but yours and mine." I say standing up and walking over to my drawer to grab some pajamas.

"So, it sounds like you were leaving your options open."

"For who? I want you and only you, I thought I made that clear by saying I love you."

She sighs, "Well, then why didn't you tell Spencer?"

"It never came up in a conversation." I say digging through my drawers, looking for a tank top and a pair of shorts.

"How does that not come up in a conversation? I don't believe that."

I scoff, "Well, fuck, don't. It's not my mission to make you believe me, it's either you trust me or don't, damn."

"Don't cuss at me, Roxy."

I sigh, "I'm sorry. But I, honestly, don't get what you're so mad about."

"I'm not mad, just upset and I'm upset because I feel like you're keeping me in the closet…" she trails off.

"What? Me, keeping you in the closet? I'm not keeping you in the closet, hell, I'm the one that brought you out of the closet."

"I'm not even talking about that, Roxy. I feel like… you just keep me to yourself, like, you can flirt with all the pretty people up there. Like those guys at Starbucks--"

"What the fuck do you want me to do? Wear a shirt that says I'm gay… With my girlfriend LILY JANE ANDERSON."

She scoffs, "No."

"Well, what do you want from me, Lily?" I ask sagging my shoulders and falling on my knees in front of the drawer.

"I want you here with me." she says simply.

"We both know I can't do that so get over it." I say angrily.

"What's up with you?" she asks like she doesn't know.

"Ugh, you just doubted my love for you then you accuse me of not caring for you. It's kinda fucked up."

"Well, so is you fucking cursing at me. I don't need this right now." she says just as angry as I feel.

I roll my eyes, "Oh, wow is this gonna mess up that cool routine you were working out with the squad? I am so sorry, Lily. Well, here let me help you out. Clap, clap, clap, twirl, clap, jump, scream, simple?" I say sarcastically, "Oh and clap some more."

I hear her sniffle, "You are such a bitch."

"Now you're crying, huh? I guess I'm just the worst girlfriend in the world, right now." I stand up and throw the clothes, that I had in my hand, to the floor.

"No, because you're not even my girlfriend right now. I don't know who you are."

I roll my eyes and pace around my room yelling at her, "Perfect. You're gonna break up with me because I made fun of your stupid cheerleading."

She raises her voice at the same level I do, "No! You always do this when we get into a fight. You talk about cheerleading like it's nothing."

"Well it is nothing..." i say angrily.

a/n: so my birthday's on tuesday... seventeen years old... i can buy my first R rated movie yes! resident evil 3 here i come :)

so tell me what you think about it. Roxy is pretty sarcastic, i guess there's a little of me in there.

well tell me waht you think, i'll post more on my B-day if i get enough reviews.