Author's Notes: It breaks my heart to have to tell you this, but I'm leaving town tomorrow to go to New York/Vermont for a week. (H & I are moving from CA back to VT this summer and we're going apartment hunting, as well as visiting some friends.) I'm thrilled, as NY is home for me, but terribly devastated that I probably won't have internet access. Still, I'm bringing my laptop to work on the story and maybe if you all wish hard enough, I'll find some sort of access between now and next Thursday when I return. I will also tell you that this is probably one of my three favorite chapters to have written thus far, and I really hope you enjoy it.
Thanks, as always, to my faithful reviewers (wow, 4 of them this chapter!! Movin' up in the world!)!
snowdragonct: I won't lie, sometimes this process is excruciating. I really do spend hours upon hours scripting the show straight from TV screen to .doc file. H tends to find something else to do during that time, unable to take my constant pause-unpause-pause-unpause as I'm typing feverishly! I do adore AU though, and will probably write some eventually (H keeps asking)... but I also suspect that when I reach more towards the end of the main series, this story will feel a little more AU too. Thanks so much for your reviews - it really does mean a lot to me.
Kaeru Shisho: I get soooo bored with the non-pilot stuff too, so I'm trying to let it leak into the story only when it's truly relevant to the boys' actions and feelings. In all honesty, I started out wanting to write a post-series story and then realized about two pages in that there was no way I could ever do it and have faith in it unless I went back to explore how it all started. This story is really for anyone who always thought there "has to be something going on between those two that we don't get to see"!
Sadie Woods: Writing the emotional parts is definitely one of the things I like best - sometimes the action sequences are tough for me to get the right flow to, so I'm glad you enjoyed them. Now that Duo has found out Wu Fei's name, I'm sure you'll see him beginning to take on a larger role in the story too!
sseattle: I really loved writing the part where Heero & Duo were at the school too - and although it'll be awhile before we see anything like that again, I definitely have tons and tons of plans for somewhat similar types of things in the future. Really, the next 10-15 episodes is the tough part for me because it's so plot-military-Relena-heavy, and once we get towards the end of the series and Endless Waltz, I think the story will really start to move in terms of the relationships between different characters.
This chapter is a bit of an interlude for Heero & Duo, but the next few chapters put all five pilots right back into the thick of the action. It's almost time for Wing Zero to make its first appearance, after all...
I'll miss you all while I'm gone, but promise to keep writing as fast as I can!
peace, love & Gundams
--D
Chapter 9 – All We Are (Episodes 18 - 20)
"The planet in the solar system that miraculously gave birth to life. We call it Earth.
The year After Colony 195. With the colonies' development, people live in new surroundings, thanks to plentiful natural resources and cultivated technological abilities. However, this world is nothing but an imitation of humankind's motherland, the Earth.
Why were the colonies created in the first place? I hear the main purpose was technological development to enrich mankind's life on Earth. Did man start asking too much from this fake world? The colonies' self-sustained way of life was more stable than on Earth since it lacks the risk of natural disasters. It appears that this unlimited growth was guaranteeing the eternal existence of mankind. Perhaps there was an age when people dreamed they could start anew in outer space. But it's unthinkable that the colonies or mankind will ever forget the Earth.
What did the colonies' technology bring to the Earth? The kind of technology that Earth wants most; military power. Destruction is in human nature and can never be eliminated. And now, the colonies are developing a militaristic disposition.
The colonies cannot forget the Earth. The Earth has great beauty. Animals known as humans have acquired such strength that they want to control this planet for themselves. From the point of view of an entire planet, the life of a living thing lasts no more than an instant. But in the end, mankind only thinks of itself. Nothing changes.
The time spent by humans in outer space has been a waste. In reality, the ideal is just a dream. This false pacifism. This false living space. Outer space is a breeding ground for even more battles.
Wars claim many lives. Mankind hasn't forgotten the sorrow caused by wars yet they haven't stopped fighting. The blood and tears they shed are merely ceremonial. One can't speak of history without referring to the wars in each era as important events. I'm sure the pale pep talks of fighting for peace have been repeated numerous times in the past. The colonies say they need armaments to maintain peace. It's no different from on Earth. The colonies think they've joined the big boys. They believed the bloodshed would lead…"
"Okay, that's enough Duo Maxwell!" a voice finally interrupted Heero's speech. "Let's avoid that subject. It's making your classmates uncomfortable. I don't feel it was appropriate for your greeting speech. Now, Duo, please be seated at the back."
Heero stared at her for a moment, quite aware of the startled and confused expressions on the faces of his "classmates". The room was completely silent and with everyone staring at him, he finally walked off of the stage and headed to the back of the room. So why do people fight? The meaning of existence could lie in their will to fight. People feel accomplishments through battle. And it's also a fact that the ones actually fighting are never perceived as being tainted.
And yet I would never look at myself and think I was anything but tainted with the life I've led.
Tuning out the teacher, Heero waited until she dismissed them to their first real class of the day, which he didn't plan on attending anyway, and headed towards the library. He had parted ways with Trowa after leaving Earth, though he'd told the other pilot which colony he was headed to before taking off. It had taken him three days to find a good place to blend into life on the colony, acquiring an apartment and once again setting himself up as a student in order to have easy access to information without looking too conspicuous.
I don't even know what possessed me to make a speech like that at a time like this. As much as he'd tried to ignore it, perhaps the colonies' denouncement had gotten to him more than he'd realized. He'd found himself wondering a lot in the past few days about the nature of Earth and the colonies and the mission he'd been assigned. Originally, it was about destroying OZ. But when OZ is no longer the only obstacle to true peace – when the colonies themselves have become an obstacle by taking up arms – where do I draw the line? Who and what are we really fighting for?
Heero found himself an internet terminal and logged on, not surprised to find his email empty. He was aware by now that Dr. J - and whoever he was working with – was captive somewhere that he could not send a message. It was becoming entirely possible that he might have to find and kill Dr. J if the scientist was being coerced into working for OZ.
The colonies may be blind, but I will never trust OZ. Pulling up a basic search engine, he typed a few things in, waiting for the answer he was pretty sure he'd already deduced. "After Colony 175. No major incidents within the colonies…? The assassination of the leader Heero Yuy has been deleted." Lies, lies, lies… that's all OZ is. "OZ's methods haven't changed one bit."
Disgusted and angry, Heero turned away from the monitor and his eyes were drawn to the large TV screen at the end of the room, streaming live OZ footage. A Gundam pilot caught? The camera wobbled and then OZ soldiers appeared on the screen, holding up an unconscious Duo Maxwell by his arms. That fucking idiot got himself caught. "This wouldn't be the right time for battle," he muttered to himself, knowing he'd left his Gundam on Earth and that everything in the colonies was completely volatile. But I can't let OZ use a public execution of one of us as grounds to unite the colonies even more. Better he died by my hand, rather than be OZ's pawn.
Dr. J would have to wait for now. Taking care of this new problem had already become priority. "All negative factors must be eliminated." Heero repeated this over and over in his head, trying to force out the confused jumble of emotions that had been creeping up on him ever since he'd gone down to Earth and met Duo Maxwell.
Heero growled under his breath, trying to rein in his temper as he pulled up a few more pages on the internet, already planning his infiltration of the base Duo was being held at. The execution was scheduled for tomorrow morning, but if he hurried, he could make it to Duo first. There wasn't much time for planning at all.
o/ I tried to paint you a picture, the colors we're all wrong
Black and white didn't fit you, and all along
You were shaded with patience, and strokes of everything
That I need just to make it, and I can see that /o
Duo Maxwell felt as if he'd been stomped on by his own Gundam.
Facedown on the damp, slimy floor, he wheezed a shallow breath in and out and wiggled all of his fingers and toes to make sure they were still there. He only vaguely remembered the fight that had led to his being captured, and everything since then was a blur of interrogation and fierce beatings. Time was so far beyond his comprehension that he had no idea how long it had been since he'd eaten or slept.
"Shit, they did me over," he groaned, struggling onto his hands and knees as he coughed. He managed to prop himself against the wall and wiped some of the sweat off of his face. "This sucks."
Duo was quite aware that OZ was planning to execute him publicly in the morning and he vaguely contemplated trying to find a way to kill himself before that happened. It didn't seem possible, as he had almost noting on him to assist with the job. He felt in his jacket for the photographs, but didn't bother taking them out. It was pitch black inside his cell and he was sure that his own memory of that day was stronger anyway. As he let his mind drift into memories of colorful fish floating in front of him, he barely registered the sounds coming from the other side of the wall.
Suddenly, the door opened, flooding the tiny cell with a light so bright that Duo had to blink several times before he could make out the outline of a human being in the doorway. As his eyes focused properly, the dark cloud hanging over him seemed to dissipate a little. "What a surprise, Heero. You really are superhuman." It was meant to be a joke, but the pained edge in Duo's voice gave it surprising bite. The last time they'd seen each other, after all, had been hours before Heero had blown up both his Gundam and himself. And now, here he was, standing in the doorway as if nothing had happened, seeming as calm and cool as ever.
Heero flipped an unconscious soldier over his shoulder and onto the floor before meeting Duo's eyes. The two pilots stared at each other for a long moment before Heero lifted and pointed a gun at Duo's head. Eliminate all negative factors…
I know. I failed you by getting caught. I'm in the way of your mission. For a moment, Duo wondered sarcastically to himself if the times he and Heero had spent together had already been wiped from his mind. Does he seriously mean to kill me? "Just in time. They were about to use me and my Gundam for their plans." Duo was unable to keep the sarcasm out of his voice as he slid slowly up the wall to get to his feet, not wanting to show the other boy what a mess he was just yet. "If I'm gonna die, then this seems like the way to go." Does it even matter if I die here? Everything's so fucked up. He closed his eyes and lifted his chin proudly. "Go ahead and shoot me."
Heero wanted to think that it was just Duo's usual humorous sarcasm, but something deeper seemed to be off with the braided pilot, almost as if he meant what he was saying. Heero's eyes narrowed, trying to shake off the thoughts of concern that rose as he considered how Duo was acting. I could kill him and myself. Two less targets for OZ to exploit. Heero's finger tensed on the trigger.
After a moment of silence, Duo opened his eyes again. He can't do it. "Hey, you're seriously gonna shoot me, aren't you?"
Looking back years later on that moment, Heero would pinpoint it as a turning point in the grand scheme of everything in his life. It wasn't just that he didn't want to kill Duo, much the same way that deep down he hadn't wanted to kill Relena. No – it was the realization that if he killed Duo, he really might as well just kill himself too. It was the realization that subconsciously, that was what he had planned to do. He'd set out the perfect plans for infiltration of this base, right down to the laying of a series of explosives as a failsafe to buy him time, but he had not contemplated an escape route. He had not planned on making it out alive, but now that he realized that… he found that underneath it all, he didn't want either of them to die in this place.
But Duo looks almost as if he'd be content with both of dying here and now. How did we get so mixed up? Shouldn't it be the other way around? "If that's what you want," he finally muttered in a reply just as sarcastic, lowering the gun and turning away. He couldn't think any more on the whys of his decision – he needed to figure out how to get them out of there before they were both caught. "Your right hand's still okay?" Without waiting for a response, he tossed his gun to Duo and picked up a semi-automatic gun from the downed soldier.
Duo didn't pause to question how easily they seemed to slip back into working together, even though Heero had just had a gun pointed in his face. Plenty of time for chit-chat when we're not running for our lives. He picked up the gun as Heero walked over to him, holding out an arm. Duo slipped his arm around Heero's shoulders and let the other boy support him as they moved towards the door. "So, where's your Gundam?"
Heero glanced up and down the hallway, looking back and forth for enemies. "I left it on Earth. It'd stick out, here in space," he answered dryly. "Then I'd get caught like you."
"Yeah, well, pardon me," Duo snapped back, but it was good-natured. Heero teasing him felt… normal. "How will you get us out of here?"
No harm in telling the truth. "I came to kill you. I hadn't thought up an escape plan yet."
Why am I not surprised? "And if we don't make it?"
"It's as simple as silencing the two of us," Heero's gaze shifted to the detonator in his hand.
"That's such a pleasant thought," Duo managed to muster a smirk as Heero hit the first of a series of switches on the device. An explosion echoed somewhere in the distance, and Heero let go of Duo momentarily to wrap his hands around the iron bars separating the brig from the rest of the base.
Duo made no secret of gaping at the display of strength as Heero pried the bars apart with brute force, teasing him as the other pilot pulled him through the opening and they started to run down the corridor together. "It's always the quiet guys who're the flashiest." He could feel some strength returning to his limbs that was partially the freedom to move after being locked up for so long and partially the familiar adrenaline of danger. As they came around a corner, Duo's quick reflexes caught a group of passing soldiers just ahead and he shoved Heero into an alcove so they wouldn't be seen.
Trying to ignore the extreme proximity of Duo's body pressed up against his, Heero punched the button for the elevator and said, very softly. "It's always the motormouths who surprise you with their quick wits."
The elevator doors slid open and Heero stepped backwards, pulling Duo with him by the wrist. Inside the elevator, Heero stood against the wall with his gun held straight up and at the ready. Duo crouched beside him, trying to stretch out cramped muscles, and wondered how they were going to escape from an entire base full of soldiers and the new mobile suit models he'd fought briefly before being captured.
"So those new models are the mobile dolls," Duo mused out loud. "No wonder their reaction time is so quick!" They're all computers, after all.
Heero kept his eyes focused on the elevator door, willing it not to stop on any of the other floors on the way to their destination. "Once they're locked onto a target, there's no escaping." It'll be hard to keep them from targeting us unless I give them something else to target first. Once I do that, it's as easy as flying out of here.
"Then how will we get away?" Duo watched Heero's face, but he could tell the other pilot was deep in thought. We'd be invisible if those things targeted something else.
Glancing down at Duo, Heero raised an eyebrow. "I'm not thinking about escaping."
Duo looked up at Heero in surprise, realizing that he had to have come up with a similar idea if he was no longer worried about escaping. "What?!"
The elevator door slid open and shots were fired immediately. "Duo!" Heero said sharply, looking for an opening. "We need to make the dolls target something besides us!"
Leaning around Heero's legs, Duo surprised a couple of the soldiers with his deadly aim. "Preferably something there's a lot of, for maximum chaos!"
With Duo having taken out a few of the soldiers, Heero easily managed to disable the rest, reaching down to grab Duo's arm and hauling him to his feet with a hint of amusement on his face. "Agreed. Find a standard shuttle and use its guns to attack one of the dolls. I'm going to force it to target the space suits before commandeering the actual vessel we'll leave on."
"Footsteps," Duo muttered in response, seeing no reason not to follow Heero's lead. He wasn't so injured that he couldn't break into a shuttle and fire a couple of shots. "Shoot or run?"
"Explode," Heero answered, clicking another button on the detonator before tossing the now useless box aside. Explosives blew off to the right, much closer than the last batch, and the two pilots took off down the corridor again.
Once inside the bay, the two slipped into some spacesuits and Duo parted ways with Heero, grateful for the zero gravity that made it far less painful to move towards the shuttles. He was nearly at his limit after the last few days, but he climbed inside the shuttle, examining the controls while waiting for Heero to be in position. He watched through the main view screen as the other boy boldly shot at the mobile dolls before making a quick escape into a different type of shuttle. As it began to move towards him, Duo fired the guns on his own craft and then dove for the door. All of the mobile dolls in the bay were beginning to come to life now and as Heero's shuttle soared closer, Duo leapt towards it, letting his momentum carry him to the open doorway. As soon as he was safely inside, Heero closed the door and used the guns to blast open the hatch on the mobile suit bay. A moment later and they were out into space, nothing but a bright streak in their wake.
Yanking off his helmet and dropping it on the floor, Duo limped a few steps and collapsed into the seat beside Heero, who pulled off his own helmet and set it down beside his own seat.
"I left my Gundam behind," Duo stewed, watching the explosions that were now far behind them on the monitors. "I've gotta destroy it!"
"The Gundams are worthless."
Duo's eyes widened as he turned to look at Heero. "What?!"
"Dr. J and the other scientists who designed the Gundams have all been caught by OZ. I'll kill them all."
"Heero…" Duo started, trying to turn in his seat and nearly retching at the intense pain in his side that resulted.
"I'll eliminate all obstacles." Heero was busy checking the monitors for other vessels and setting their course for back to the colony he'd been hiding on. They were far enough away from the base now that they would not be followed. "The colonies view the Gundams as the enemy and have begun to take up arms. This is no longer merely about dismantling OZ."
"No, I guess it isn't…" Duo sighed, closing his eyes. Now that they were out of danger, he was becoming more and more aware of his injuries and exhaustion. He felt queasy and dirty, unsettled and confused. "But I guess I'm not as ready to think of the colonies as enemies as they are to think of us…" He trailed off as his voice gave out, coughing a little.
"There might be water in the emergency stores, where the medical kit is," Heero told him as he was finishing the course input and turning it to auto-pilot. He turned towards Duo as the other boy rose unsteadily to his feet, but he hadn't taken more than two steps away from his chair when he suddenly sagged. Jumping up, Heero caught him easily, carefully lowering the other pilot to the floor behind their two seats. "Duo…?" he murmured, reaching carefully to turn Duo's face towards him. The braided pilot's eyes were closed and his body was limp, but he was still breathing shallowly.
Heero sat for a little while with his back up against the wall, Duo in his lap, just to make sure the other boy wasn't in any immediate danger. As they approached the colony, he carefully lifted Duo back into his seat and sat down at the controls again to guide the shuttle in. It was late at night, colony-time, and the streets were mostly deserted. Duo stirred once as Heero stripped him of the space suit, but not enough to protest as Heero carried him the entire way back to the apartment.
Carefully laying the other pilot on the bed, he kicked off his shoes and grabbed a glass off of the bookshelf. There wasn't a real kitchen, but he filled the glass with water from the bathroom sink and gulped it down as he contemplated what he was going to do next. He was tired and Duo was obviously beyond exhausted, but there was no way he was going to go to sleep without at least checking over the braided pilot's injuries.
Crossing the room to stand beside the bed, Heero gazed down at Duo for a moment and then reached out a hand to shake him lightly, not surprised when he received no response. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he reached to slowly unzip Duo's jacket before lifting the other boy up to slide it off of his arms. As he moved to drop it onto the floor beside the bed, something fluttered out of the pocket. Curious, he bent to pick up the item and realized that it was the two photographs he'd pilfered from Melanie and hidden inside the marine science book to reduce evidence of their time at that school. He'd nearly forgotten about them and pressed his lips together tightly as he stared at the images. I can't believe he managed to hang onto these through the mess he's been in.
Heero separated the two photos, holding one in each hand and glancing back and forth. In the first, he was plunging Duo's hand into the tank of sharks. The look on Duo's face was definitely surprise, but it was tinted with something else, some sort of relieved hopefulness. He almost couldn't bear to look at his own expression, for he was instantly reminded of how awkward and yet aroused he'd felt that day at the aquarium, trying to force back his own memories and feelings. The second picture was easier for him to look at, though probably more revealing on both their parts. Although their backs were to the camera, the way Duo's hand was placed on his arm and the slight lean of his body revealed an intimacy between them… the way Heero could see the tension in his own shoulders from how that touch had made him feel…
Abruptly standing up, Heero took the second photo and tucked it into his bag, in between some maps he'd downloaded of the lunar base. Carefully placing the first photo on the nearby table, Heero next moved to untie Duo's boots, pulling them off and kicking them towards the door. He tried shaking Duo once more, but when he still received no response, he went ahead and removed the rest of his clothing. Carefully gathering the unconscious boy in his arms, he carried him into the small bathroom and tried to arrange him in the tub as best he could.
He had no idea what to do about the tangled mess that was Duo's hair, so he left it alone for the time being and concentrated on trying to clean the dirt and blood from the rest of him. There was an especially dark bruise on his side that probably meant a cracked rib and Heero's eyes narrowed at the thought of OZ soldiers kicking Duo around, but the braided pilot didn't seem to have broken anything else.
Once Duo was clean, Heero laid him out on the bed again and pulled out the medical kit, tending to what injuries he could before coming to an awkward point. He definitely didn't want to put dirty clothes back on him, but he didn't have much else that wouldn't get in the way of the bandages besides the simple shift that had come in the medical kit. If I was waking up in a strange place, would I rather be naked or wearing some hideously ugly garment? He smiled a little as he imagined Duo's reaction to the totally unflattering boxy shape, but it was better than nothing.
After pulling the sheet up on the other boy, Heero went to have a quick shower himself, contemplating the odd moment he found himself in. He had already planned to leave for the lunar base tomorrow, with the intention of killing the group of scientists if they were indeed working for OZ, but now he found himself wondering if that was what would truly result. Today had proved that he wasn't exactly the best with sticking to his plans as of late. After all, the mission to kill Duo somehow turned into the mission to rescue and take care of Duo… and here he was, thinking about Duo while in the shower again.
Before he let his thoughts drift away and get the better of him, Heero stepped out of the shower, drying himself quickly and throwing on a t-shirt and a pair of loose knit pants. Duo hadn't moved at all from the position Heero had left him in, flat on his back, and Heero leaned over him, hovering a moment before placing a gentle kiss on his forehead. He lay down on his side at the edge of bed so that they were not touching and watched the slow rise and fall of Duo's chest until he fell asleep.
o/ Lord knows I've failed you, time and again
But you and me are all right /o
The sound of a siren in the distance caused Duo to stir slightly and he blinked a few times, momentarily confused by the white ceiling visible even in the dark, the soft bed underneath him and the warm presence beside him. Heero… Everything looked wobbly and he couldn't quite pull himself into wakefulness, but he rolled carefully onto his good side, burying his face into warm t-shirt with a sigh.
When Duo finally woke for real, it was morning and he was alone in the bed. Did Heero leave without even a goodbye? With a grimace, Duo carefully sat up and swung his feet over the side of the bed, realizing he was wrapped in several places with bandages and wearing the most hideously odd garment that most closely resembled a hospital gown. Pulling his braid over his shoulder, he wrinkled his nose in disgust and decided that a shower had to be first order, even if it meant redoing all of the bandages.
Letting the water cascade down his body felt like becoming human again for Duo and he found himself drinking the water right as it ran into his mouth, eyes squeezed closed. It tasted sweet and yet slightly metallic and Duo savored every drop. Between space and a cell, I think I almost lost my mind back there. I've thought myself to be on the verge of death for so long that I don't think it's quite hit me yet that I'm alive. And Heero's alive.
Almost as soon as he'd thought these words, Duo heard the apartment door open and close and he hurriedly finished washing his hair. He had just wrapped a towel around himself when a light knock sounded on the door. "You can come in," Duo called, examining himself in the mirror. There were still dark circles under his eyes and an equally dark bruise along one cheekbone and he plastered on a smile to try and chase away the haunted look the bruises gave him.
Heero opened the door slowly, holding out a pile of Duo's clean and folded clothing. "I've got breakfast as soon as you're ready."
"Thanks," Duo answered, accepting the pile, but before he could say anything else, Heero had already closed the door again. He took a few minutes to re-do some of the bandages (and ignored the ones he deemed unnecessary) and then carefully pulled his pants on. Studying his reflection in the mirror, he surveyed the bandages around his middle and decided that the hideous garment would probably be looser and safer for the bandages than his usual clothes and slipped it back on again. There's no way in hell I can reach back to braid my hair today. I barely got it untangled and washed without passing out from the pain of my fucking cracked rib. Damn OZ.
The decision made out of necessity, Duo limped slowly back into the main room, sitting down on the bed as he watched Heero setting out some food on the small table. He had no idea how to ease into this question, so he just blurted it out without really thinking about it. "Would you mind helping me braid my hair?"
Heero looked up from the bag he was pulling things out of, his eyebrows raising slightly in surprise. He had always sort of known intuitively that Duo was protective of his hair and he quietly relished the one time he'd truly been able to touch it – that incident in the shower. He remembered quite vividly the feeling of running his fingers through it and felt his face flushing slightly with the memory. He quickly looked away, reaching into the bag again as he mumbled his reply. "I'd be honored."
Duo flushed himself at the response, a warm feeling tickling his insides as he twirled the hairbrush in his hands. What a strange way to agree… Did Heero somehow know that Duo had, well… a "thing" regarding his hair? Touched by the other boy's response, Duo found himself opening up a little. "I didn't always braid it, y'know…" he started, shifting a little and glancing awkwardly at the wall beside the bed. "I was at this church for awhile and one of the sisters there, Sister Helen… she did it to keep me from looking so messy all the time." Duo paused for a moment and then pitched his voice higher. 'It's so unhygienic, Duo!' He paused again and cleared his throat with a quick chuckle. "That's what she used to say." Duo trailed off awkwardly as Heero came to sit beside him on the bed and took the hairbrush out of his hands. "Umm, i-it's best if you start at the bottom."
Heero nodded and did as Duo suggested, brushing the ends of his hair first and slowly working his way up. It didn't seem as if Duo wanted any response to his brief story-telling, but it had made Heero realize how little they actually knew about each other. He couldn't think of anyone he'd ever shared his stories with, not even Dr. J, and so he was at a loss for how to respond. He searched his mind for something, anything that had even the remotest relevance. "I… I used to get scolded by my… my guardian, when I was little." Heero didn't want to get in to actually discussing who or what Odin Lowe was to him, so he tried to keep the story vague. "For getting dirty. I would wander too far or go somewhere I wasn't supposed to, just because I could…" Heero paused for a moment to set down the brush and started to separate Duo's hair into three pieces. "I guess I wasn't afraid of getting messy, even though it drove him crazy. I was a reckless kid."
"You weren't the only one," Duo replied with a soft laugh. He closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of Heero's hands in his hair and let his mind drift over Heero's words for a moment. For all the ways it's obvious we're different, more and more I think there's a lot about us that's also the same. Certainly the stubborn, definitely the guarded and absolutely the reckless. And reckless brought to mind one thing before all others, still. As Heero slipped a rubber band around the end of his braid, Duo slowly shifted his position until they were seated at an angle from each other and he could just see Heero's face out of the corner of his eye. "I thought you were dead."
Heero had absolutely no idea what to say because he had never felt that kind of sincere concern for his life from someone who didn't simply view him as a weapon. "I'm…sorry?" he tried uncertainly.
Duo hadn't realized just how heavy a weight he was carrying around until he blurted out those words and felt the burden lift. He'd tried to shove down a lot of how he was feeling when they'd been at the school, letting Heero be the one to start things, not wanting to scare away the only friend he'd made in a long time. Now, after thinking he'd lost him, Duo felt he couldn't just sit on his hands and ignore what all his senses were urging him to do. Turning quickly, he leaned in and brushed his lips lightly against Heero's, his eyes drifting closed.
o/ I figured there's nothin to lose, I need to get
Some perspective on these words, before I write them down
You're an island and my ship has run aground /o
Heero sensed what was about to happen as Duo leaned in, but it wasn't until he felt those lips against his that he lifted one hand to the side of the other boy's face and returned the kiss. He'd been thinking about kissing Duo again almost since he'd woken up at the circus a few weeks ago and those feelings suddenly overwhelmed him. Curling the same hand around the back of Duo's neck until his fingers buried into the thick and slightly damp braid, Heero kissed him again, running his tongue slowly along Duo's bottom lip until that sweet mouth opened up to him.
Duo's hands rose to rest heavily on Heero's shoulders and he hummed a soft sound of pleasure as he kissed back, as willing and pleased to fight for control as ever. I've missed this. I've wanted this. I have to admit that I enjoy the fact that I get to him, when nothing else seems to… But Heero was winning this time, kissing Duo to the breathless point where all he could think about was how much he wanted Heero. I've spent so many weeks trying to forget what happened between us and now it's all rushing back to me. As Heero's hand slid down from Duo's shoulder to his waist, they tried mutually to shift their bodies closer, but the movement was too painful for Duo and he flinched, breaking the kiss with a small gasp. "Sorry, I…"
"No, it's my fault," Heero interrupted him immediately, letting go of Duo and scooting back an inch all in the same motion. "I-I should have known better," he started. He really didn't want to injure Duo any further, but he also didn't want Duo to think that he didn't want to kiss him, so he added. "But it's not that I didn't want to, I mean…you know… why don't we have breakfast?" Heero finally trailed off awkwardly, getting up from the bed and moving to sit in the chair.
Duo tilted his head and smiled, somewhat apologetically, but also in amusement at the reaction he'd provoked from the other pilot. "I'm starved," he agreed, holding out his hands to accept whatever Heero was going to offer him. Food was food and he was damn hungry, after all.
Heero pushed a plate across the table that was full of various pastries as well as several hard-boiled eggs. "I didn't know what you'd be up for eating," he started, then paused as he watched Duo grab a muffin and shove nearly half of it into his mouth at once. "Good to see your ravenous appetite hasn't been affected."
With his mouth full of muffin, Duo couldn't speak, but he held two fingers up in a V and chuckled, spraying crumbs everywhere.
"Thanks," Heero wrinkled his nose, which only caused Duo to laugh again.
"Sorry," he wiped the crumbs away with the back of his hand. "I haven't eaten anything since I was floating in space for days, y'know, before OZ caught up with me, and I polished off the food that Quatre packed for me." He took the other half of the muffin, glanced at Heero and considered it for a moment, and then broke the half in half again before eating the next piece.
"Quatre? Is that the blond pilot?" Heero picked up a croissant and started to unravel the end of it. He was curious about the other pilots after spending some time with Trowa and it sounded as if Duo had spent some time with this Quatre.
Duo nodded as he swallowed and then smiled, realizing that his two friends didn't know each other. "He's a really great guy, Quatre – really empathetic and ridiculously smart when it comes to things like history and speaking languages. We spent a few weeks together in Africa and ended up rebuilding a village. Crazy, right?" He hadn't meant to rush through the summary, but it felt so strange to be telling Heero about it when he'd spent most of that time thinking Heero was dead.
Heero felt a twinge of jealousy as he listened to Duo talk about the other pilot in such an affectionate way, but he stuffed down the unfamiliar feeling, not knowing what else to do with it. "It sounds like you were there for awhile, then," he commented, pulling off a piece of the now completely unraveled croissant and dropping the rest onto the plate. "I was actually unconscious for a month and really only remember the last two weeks."
"Trowa took care of you, right? Quatre mentioned that they'd met too."
"Yes, he did," Heero answered vaguely, still uncomfortable with the idea of anyone taking care of him. "We traveled together before departing for outer space." He stuck the piece of croissant in his mouth finally, mainly to avoid having to say anything else.
"I'm a little worried about Quatre," Duo added with a frown, turning over the last piece of muffin in his hands. "We were originally going to try and stick together, but then he self-detonated Sandrock and everything got messed up. I'm pretty sure he made it off Earth in a shuttle, but I have no idea how to find him." He also had no idea what to do next, but he wasn't going to tell Heero that, so he shoved the last piece of muffin into his mouth instead.
Having no idea how to respond to Duo's worry over Quatre, Heero decided he ought to start talking about what needed to be talked about while Duo's mouth was still too busy to interrupt him. "I've found out that the scientists are being held at the lunar base. OZ has also allowed the tourist center and hotels to re-open, so it should be easy for me to hop a shuttle there unnoticed."
Finally managing to swallow the last piece of muffin, Duo grabbed for a container of juice and drank quickly as Heero rose to his feet and reached into his pocket for a couple of photos. "Did you say the lunar base?! "
"That's right. A large amount of Gundanium alloy is being brought into the lunar base factory." Heero looked down at the photo in his hands of the base's location inside a large crater. "It's probably for making a new type of mobile suit." He flipped to a second picture before dropping them both onto the table, letting Duo connect the dots. A large amount of Gundanium, to me, is a dead giveaway that the scientists are working for OZ.
"So what are your plans?" Duo said casually, temporarily ignoring the rest of the food and examining the pictures without picking them up.
Heero eyed the other pilot sternly for a minute before responding. "Just stay here. You'll get in the way." I don't want to be harsh, but…
"What do you mean?!" Duo's words were indignant as he tried to stand up too quickly, only to sit back down again, clutching his side with a grimace. I want to go, but I know Heero's right. I would think he's trying to protect me, but he probably just thinks I'll slow him down. "I'm gonna need time to recover, considering all that's happened. But how about being a little kinder to me once in awhile?"
Heero shook his head a little at Duo's weak attempt at a joke and pointed at the plate again in hopes that he would eat some more. "Why not go to school instead of me? I've already got the admission taken care of, under your name."
"What?!" Duo said incredulously, picking up a hard-boiled egg and starting to peel it, averting his eyes from Heero's gaze. Why is he registered for school under my name? "That's a bad joke. You've got to be kidding! Sure, your name would stick out here, but still…!"
Heero was amused at Duo's response, but tried not to show it. "Instead of complaining, just rest and get better."
"I will, I will…" Duo grumbled, carefully pulling the yolk out and dropping it on the plate. He ate the egg white while continuing to grumble to himself and then finally muttered. "But I'm not going to school." I don't want to go somewhere that's only going to remind me of you being with me when you're not. "Are you sure you don't want to wait, so that I can come with you?" He kept his eyes averted, not wanting Heero to see the vulnerability he wasn't very good at hiding from the other boy.
"Every day I wait is a day closer to the possible completion of a new Gundam." Heero reached to pick up the two photos and shoved them in his pocket.
"Well…" Duo finally looked up again to find that Heero's eyes were still on him. "Be careful. Don't overdo it. And I don't promise not to follow you there once I'm able."
"I'd expect nothing else from you." The words should have been sarcastic coming from Heero, but instead they actually sounded sincere. He stood there staring at Duo for a moment longer, but knew that he needed to get going to make the shuttle he already had a ticket for.
And here we are, back at goodbye again. "Heero…"
Heero shook his head silently, bending down to pick up his bag. "Don't – it's better that way." He knew that Duo was trying to say goodbye, but he didn't want to hear it or think about why that made it even harder to leave.
Duo wanted to blame the ache in his chest on his injuries, but knew that he couldn't and as he watched Heero walk silently to the door, he struggled for something else to say. "Don't die." It was probably an odd thing to say, but it was how he really felt at that moment and he couldn't think of anything else.
Heero glanced over his shoulder, giving Duo a rather puzzled look as he opened the door. It wasn't until he'd stepped outside and started to close it that he leaned his head back in and replied in a dead even tone. "That's why I'm leaving you behind." And then he grinned.
It was the first time Duo could ever recall seeing an expression like that on Heero's face and he gaped at the other pilot in complete surprise. Is that supposed to be a joke?
And even though he was pretty sure Heero was just teasing him, Duo reached for one of his boots, chucking it at Heero's face as hard as he could. The boot hit the door with a loud thwack as Heero pulled his head out and closed it behind him.
Leaving the rest of the food where it was, Duo crawled carefully across the bed until he was sitting in the window, looking out on the entire colony. "Don't over do it. Like he's gonna listen. Of course he'll over do it."
The only thing Duo wanted was to chase after Heero and demand he be allowed to come, but he knew he couldn't. The only thing he could do was try and recover as quickly as possible.
o/ We won't say our goodbye's, you know it's better that way,
We won't break, we won't die, it's just a moment of change
All we are, all we are is everything that's right
All we need, all we need, a lover's alibi /o
It was a full two days before Duo could cross the apartment without wincing, but as soon as he was confident on his feet again, he left to wander the streets of the colony and find out what was going on in the world. Heero had left him a blue jacket, which he used to tuck his braid into, but the first thing he did once he'd gotten to a busy section of the colony was pilfer a hat, pulling it down low in front to shadow his face.
It was nighttime and the streets were busy with people eating, drinking, shopping and partying as Duo wandered aimlessly, hands shoved into his jacket pockets. This wasn't the colony he'd grown up on – it was actually much cleaner and safer even in this part of town, lit with neon signs saying "tool plaza" "milky" and "love bar" than anywhere he could remember on L2.
"…that is very significant for the colonies defense. These young volunteers are vying for a position to fight for the safety of the colonies."
Duo caught sight of a wanted poster of himself – in the image he was nearly unconscious and in captivity - and tore it off the wall, angrily crumbling it into a ball. "Why is everyone going along with OZ's every word?" he growled, turning to look at a large billboard screen above one of the bars. It was loudly blaring the latest OZ news reports and a group of people had gathered underneath to watch.
"The youngsters fared well in a firing test designed to reflect a real battle."
Disgusted, Duo halfheartedly continued to watch the mobile suits fighting and getting blown up live on the screen, casually reaching to snitch a soda from a cart nearby while everyone was focused on the view screen. It makes me sick to watch colony people taking up arms because OZ has brainwashed them into thinking there's no other choice.
The report cut out for a moment to switch feeds or cameras and when Deathscythe suddenly appeared on the screen, Duo dropped the soda he was holding in shock. "What?!"
"A Gundam, responsible for the misunderstandings between Earth and the colonies and causing destruction will be destroyed by a colony citizen wishing for peace. Ladies and gentlemen, stand by to witness this!"
Duo's heart was pounding as he watched his already badly damaged Gundam drifting listlessly in space. "Hey, Deathscythe," he whispered, his eyes wide. "Don't give up too easily. You'll be okay, right? You'll come out fine, right…?" But he already knew this wasn't going to end well.
"Damn! Damn!" he yelled, not caring what kind of attention he drew to himself as he watched the fiery ball engulf his Gundam. Lowering his head, he balled his fists as he turned away from the screen. "GODDAMNIT!!"
Several people standing under the screen looked at him in surprise, but he pulled the hat low again and stormed away from the screen, down the nearest side street, cursing under his breath. I am so pissed. I am so FUCKING pissed!
The rational side of Duo tried to argue that he had already known he wasn't going to be able to get his Gundam back, but that didn't seem to lessen the emotional blow. He felt so lost and disconnected from the mission and everything else and he kicked a garbage can in the alley until it flew into a dumpster with a resounding clang. He could only remember a couple of times in his life that he'd been this angry and as he wove his way through the winding streets, old habits began to surface.
gwgwgwgwgwgwgwgwgwgwgwgwgw
"It's easy, Duo. It's so easy because there're only three rules."
Crouching behind a garbage can as people rushed by in both directions, Duo's eyes were wide as he watched his friend studying something intensely, and he asked hopefully. "Are you gonna teach me?"
"Rule one – study people. The best way to spot an opening is to already be able to guess how they'll move next."
Duo's eyes followed Solo's gesture and came to rest on a group of women arguing in front of a fruit stand on the opposite side of the street. The apples in a pile in front of them looked so red and round that Duo's mouth watered as he imagined the sweet juice of the first bite.
"Rule two – want it so much that you already believe that it's yours." Solo elbowed Duo as he caught the younger boy's gaze transfixed on the apple and snickered.
"I think I can handle that one," Duo grinned, nervous and excited, and Solo lifted a hand to ruffle his messy hair.
"Last rule – never get caught. Be so swift, so smooth… that you become invisible." And with that last word a near whisper, Solo stood up, running one confident hand through his shaggy brown hair. Duo watched as the other boy slipped through the crowds of people rushing up and down the street, seeming to disappear for a moment.
But no – there he was, in the alley on the opposite side of the street, one round, red apple held clearly in his hand. Knowing Duo was watching his every move, he made a show of biting into the apple before pointing at the younger boy.
Craving the approval of his new friend, Duo nodded before turning his focus to the fruit stand. "Spot the opening," he whispered to himself. "Want it." He stood up, took a deep breath and walked into the crowd of people.
Duo's heartbeat thumped loudly in his ears, blotting out the noisy crowd and suddenly the apples were within reach.
"Never get caught."
Less than a minute later, he and Solo were racing down the alley, away from the scene of the crime. "Did you?" he asked excitedly, taking Duo by the shoulders and shaking him lightly.
Duo played coy for just a moment before producing the apple with a grin, laughing as Solo grabbed him around the middle, lifting and swinging him a few step as he bit into the sweet fruit in triumph.
o/ And every single day that I can breathe,
You change my philosophy,
I'm never gonna let you pass me by /o
gwgwgwgwgwgwgwgwgwgwgwgwgw
Duo repeated these words to himself now as he weaved a complicated path through the crowd, his blood still boiling over OZ's destruction of Deathscythe. He knew he was letting his emotions get the best of him, but at the moment, he didn't really care. "Spot the opening," his eyes scanned the booths of stolen electronics, the carts of food of all ethnicities, the knock-off trinkets and cheesy souvenirs. "Want it."
Slipping a bag off a hook at one stand as he began to stroll down the street, he started to fill it, the gleam of satisfaction in his eyes growing with each treasure. "Never get caught."
Two hours later found Duo sprawled on the floor of the small apartment Heero had left him in, surrounded by his spoils. It's been years since I've done this… He'd already eaten his fill of everything from pizza to fried chicken to sushi to strawberries to chocolate cake and was cheerfully bopping along to music from the headphones attached to the at least twice-stolen digital music player. I know I should feel guilty, but I really just feel…good.
Crawling carefully between a snow globe, three pairs of sunglasses and an empty container that had once held pork fried rice, he reached for one of his favorite finds. The small hair clips were long and thin like bobby pins, but with a tiny, silver, sparkly star on the very end. It was girly and maybe a little silly and yet it somehow reminded Duo of himself, his mission, his desire to protect the whole of outer space. A memento…
Slowly pulling himself up into the chair, he set the empty pastry plate on the floor and slid the clip off of the little plastic holder. He dropped the plastic on the table, his eyes catching on a photograph that had been hidden under the plate. Slipping the clip deep into the underside of his braid so that only he would know it was there, Duo picked up the photo. It was one of the two from the day at the aquarium and he idly wondered where the other one was. Did Heero find them and take one with him?
Duo rose, carefully stepping over his pile as he stared at the image of Heero plunging his hand into the shark tank. I wanted his attention so badly that day… and though I couldn't see it then, I definitely see it now – he liked having my attention. If he was going to leave me only one of the picturse, I'm glad it's this one. Tucking the photo into his jacket pocket again, Duo left the apartment and headed for the nearest edge of the colony, near the main docking bay for incoming vessels. It was a bit of a walk, but all of the sealing had gotten him thinking about the past, putting him in an odd mood, and he knew the walk would be worth it.
It was something he'd always done, one of the only things he'd missed while on Earth, Duo thought to himself as he picked the lock on one of the maintenance crew doors. It was easy to lift a space suit from the lockers and once he had that, he could walk through most of the rest of the docking bay without a second glance from any of the employees.
Whenever I really needed to feel small, to find myself again… whenever I needed a reason to keep going, there's always been a place that I liked to go.
Sneaking into the airlock was slightly more difficult, so he tripped a few wires in the electrical box on the opposite side of door number two to get them to shut it down to await morning inspection. It was an old, old trick, from before the days he'd spent sitting on the outside hull of the Sweepers ship in between helping to run tests on Deathscythe.
As soon as the lights had been turned out and the crew had left, Duo re-activated the airlock and went through it. Stepping carefully around the edge of the opening until he was laying flat against the outside wall of the colony, Duo crawled along it so he wouldn't accidentally knock himself off of it until he found a smooth spot to lay down, folding his hands behind his helmet. People weren't supposed to come out here, since it was ridiculously dangerous and probably illegal, but Duo had never paid much attention to that sort of thing.
The surrounding view was infinite stars in all directions, dotted here and there by another colony or a resource satellite. The Earth was partially obstructed by the edge of the colony he was laying on, but he could clearly see the moon, glimmering in the distance, and he wondered if Heero was already there.
Gundam or no Gundam, mission or no mission… I told Heero I'd follow him to the moon.
I won't go back on my word, even if the colonies do consider us enemies.
I know that the five of us won't stop fighting for peace, no matter what happens.
Up Next: Chapter 10 - Our Lives