I look down, "Doesn't really matter..." I say. I knew I forgot to tell Rachel about what was going on with me.

"What?" she asks.

I look up at her and sigh, "We broke up."

Her mouth drops, "When?" she says bringing her hands up to my shoulders. Is that like the universal closure thing because Kyla did that to me too...

"Like a day ago." was it even a day ago? I can't keep track because I'm in "Hollywood".

She wraps her arms around me and I return the favor, "I am so sorry, why didn't you say anything?"

"You were with grandma Julia and... it's not a big deal." I say to her so she doesn't feel bad about knowing and so she doesn't make me feel bad about her not knowing.

"Are you kidding? It's a big deal. You went out with her for two years." she separates our body from each other, "Why?"

"You were friends with Miranda Scott before we moved, right?" I ask.

She gasps, "Gay?"

I laugh because she says it so appalled and funny, "Well, Lily kissed her so I'm not so sure."

"Lily kissed her? Are you okay?" she says wrapping her arms around me again.

Rachel is so crazy, "Yeah, I'm fine." this time I'm the one pulling us apart, "I'll tell you when I get home tonight, okay?"

She holds up her right hand and sticks only her pinky finger out, "Promise?"

I smile and nod then wrap my left pinky around hers, "Promise." we've been pinky promising since we were five. On top of that sisterly-twin-bond thing we have going on, we also have little nothings that mean the world to both of us. For example, we have sign language that we made up at, like, age 9 and we still understand them.

I turn on my heel to walk out of the bathroom but she grabs my wrist, "Who's Erika? You know mom's gonna ask."

"My friend from work; co-worker. I met her yesterday," I raise my eyebrow and smirk, "Cute."

She rolls her eyes, "Roxy." then sighs.

"Rachel." I say returning her exhausted sigh and eye roll.

"Don't do anything that you'll regret. You know that I know the pain of a break up..." she says recalling her relationship with Dylan... her late ex-boyfriend.

I cant look her in the eye after she says that so I continue to the door, "Yeah, I know." I say sadly, "I'll be fine." or at least I hope I will. "Love you." I walk out of the bathroom stall thinking about Dylan. Dylan was like three years older than Rachel. They got together when she was a sophomore, so she was 16, and he was 19. It was nothing serious until she became a junior. When she was a sophomore they fooled around but they never got close to having sex. But her first time ever was with him, in her junior year, before we moved and had to throw everything away. I remember the conversation we had before she had sex with him...

I sit on her bed, "You called me?"

Rachel stares at the teddy bear sitting in her lap from Dylan, "Yeah."

I hit the bear lightly, "Me or the bear?"

She looks up at me, "You."

I stare at her, "Well, what's up?" she still doesn't say anything so I put my hand on her leg and look at her. We may be twins but... she looks nothing like me, well, only to me, "Rach?"

"I'm scared." she says simply without any hesitation.

I smile, "Because we have a pep rally tomorrow? Don't worry I'm not gonna dive all over Lily no matter how hot she is. Well, I can't make any promises." I smirk and she doesn't give me anything. I sigh, "Scared for what?"

"Me and Dylan." she says.

"Did he hurt you? Do I have to break his jaw because I knew he was bad news. I don't wanna sound like mom but--" I start off sounding like the big sister.

She cuts me off, "No, no, nothing like that. We're gonna have sex."

"Isn't that against the law?" I ask.

"Since when do you care about the law? Last time I checked you kicked Lily's mom's ass and that was against the law then."

I narrow my eyes at her because she knows the story behind that, "I didn't kick her ass." I say then stand up to walk to the door.

"Wait, I'm sorry. I just have everyone telling me that he's so bad but no one takes the time to get to know him."

I look at her and sigh, "I've taken the chance to know him and that didn't go over so well, remember?" I say referring to when I met him and he tried hitting on me... knowing that I was Rachel's twin. He didn't even have me confused with Rachel... he just wanted to bang me.

"C'mon, don't hold that against him he was--"

"Don't say he was on drugs. Like being on drugs makes this sound any better? " I say exhausted with this conversation already.

She sighs and raises her hands to show me her palms, "Either way it goes, I love him and I wanna share this with him."

"And I'm willing to bet that he already shared that with someone else."

She stares at me and purses her lips together, "And so did you but Lily still loves you, right? After knowing that--"

My sigh cuts her off, "Shut up."

She stops talking then starts up again, "Look, it's gonna happen... tonight. When I come back home from hanging out with him I won't be a virgin."

I sit on the bed next to her and grab her hand then look her in the eye, "Do it because you want to. Because I regret losing it to someone I wasn't in love with and not keeping it for Lily."

she looks up at me, "I do love him."

I shrug, "Then go for it."

Rachel wraps her arms around my neck and talks into the wall behind me, in front of her, "Thank you." she whispers as Dylan calls her cell phone.

And it's amazing how, after that, he died. Some gang did that whole initiation thing for one of their gang members. It's like, to officially be in the gang he had to kill someone... for fun, and that night it was Dylan. I know I didn't like Dylan but he made my sister happy and that's something I had to respect since she was so cool with Lily and I. I didn't like him as much as Rachel liked Lily but I don't believe that someone should be murdered for a testosterone game.

Rachel was a mess. She was so numb and I felt every bit of her pain because of the creepy ass twin thing. It's like... nowhere near the pain I feel about Lily. I guess it's because she knew he died and I'm still waiting to hear back. But to look at Rachel now, no one would have ever known that she lost the love of her life for a stupid initiation game. In her wallet, there's a picture of them together... I even cry when I look at it so I'm pretty sure she's sobbing over it. It's just really sucks to know that shit like that really happens... and to the best people in the world. Meaning... where does that leave me... the devil's reject?

I don't look where I'm going when I come out of the bathroom and I run into Jeremy. Are all my siblings stalking me? Next is Hunter, I'm betting.

I make him drop all his books and I help him pick them up, "How's Grandma?"

He stands up straight, "She's okay. She's staying with us tonight and then mom's driving her to Ohio to live with auntie Marilyn."

I freeze, "W-what? She's staying with us? You're joking."

He bends down to pick up the rest of his books, "No, why?"

"Why?" I mock him, "Because grandma Julia hates my guts."

He looks at me while cocking his head to the side, "It's gonna be fine. She doesn't hate you."

I throw the books in my hand into his arms, "What?" I yell at him, "Did you not get that memo when she had a freaking exorcism on me?"

:::::::::::a/n:::::::::::::

okay so roxy didnt get that angry about it but i mean why? shes not mad at rachel so why would she take it out on her, she wouldnt, exactly! You think grandma Julia is gonna start a scene? she might, if roxy doesnt dodge her while she's living in her house lol but where's Lily? and shouldnt she run into Ashley pretty soon[[thanks 4 the reviews

xoxo