Following on directly from when Josh left the café abruptly because Sophie had asked him who the girl was on her phone.
Josh goes for a walk. He has mixed feelings, he's got used to seeing Grace on his phone every day, he put her photo there when she was still alive, he remembers clearly the day they were mucking around taking photos.... He has a couple of photos on his phone and computer, but after 6 months he no longer feels quite as distressed when he sees her face. This in itself is difficult enough to grasp, that his feelings for her might eventually fade away..... The thought of having to explain it to another girl.....where to start ? That brought up old feelings again, he needed some breathing space.
Josh
calls Sophie later when he knows she will be back home. "Sophie,
I'm sorry to walk out like that...." She tentatively accepts his
apology; " ok...."
Josh knows he has to explain it;
"it's hard to explain..."
Sophie; "are you ok
?"
Josh; "yes..... I just needed some space..."
There
is silence.
Josh; "can I come see you ?"
Josh has
been to her place before, he had to pick her up for a photoshoot
because she doesn't have a car.
Sophie:"I'm at home now"
Josh
says nothing. He called her on her mobile but he knew she'd be home.
He wants to see her at home in privacy.
Sophie: "ok, come
over then"
She's rather stunned. This is an unexpected
development.
Josh arrives at the door, apologetic, big sad eyes. How can she resist ? She lets him in with a smile. He hasn't been inside before, it's new territory.
She gets them both a
beer and they sit on the sofa. He's not sure where to start, this is
more awkward then he thought, it's not like the old days when he
easily charmed with bold self-confidence. He starts to tell her about
Grace, with difficulty.
Josh: "that photo......."
Sophie
nods.
Josh: "it's of Grace"
It's
a relief for him to get those words out but Sophie just looks at him.
She has no idea who Grace is but obviously this is important, this
girl must have really kicked him in the guts.
Josh realizes that
he needs to explain: "Grace was a cop in my team"
Sophie
notices the subtle tense: "was ?" ( frowning )
Josh:
"yes............um.............we were lovers......for a few
months...only....." he swallows.
Josh is biting his lip,
his hands clenched around the beer. He takes another swig of
beer.
Josh then continues; "I loved
her.........and...........on the last day.........she said that she
loved me .......she'd been hurt ......in a bombing.........but she
seemed fine. I thought she was ok, we all did......."
Sophie
can't believe how intense this story is, it's not at all what she
imagined or expected. She really feels for him.
Josh takes another
drink and looks down at the ground. He doesn't know how to say it
without sounding brutal, to say those words......she
died.......
Sophie; "what happened Josh ?"
Josh; "she
…………….. she died in hospital"
Sophie gasps and puts
her hand to her mouth.
Josh takes another drink. "I
really don't like to talk about it, you know, sometimes it seems so
long ago, sometimes......"
Sophie nods. He's looking at her
now. She puts her arm around him without saying anything. Josh is
glad of that, he doesn't need talking, he just wants some comforting.
Without Grace and without his family, it's been a lonely 6 months. He
leans into her shoulder. A couple of tears roll down his cheek. He
regains his composure though and turns to her, looks at her. She
smiles at him and touches his wet cheek, dries it, then she leans
over and kisses him on the mouth tenderly, hesitatingly, not sure how
he will react. He returns her kiss.
Note - he didn't tell her that Grace was married.
Sitting on the sofa next to Sophie, Josh felt some relief after so many months of loneliness, depression even. It'd been a struggle to get through the day sometimes and to not break down at work. The nights alone in bed were the worst and he often slept on the couch so that he couldn't feel the emptiness next to him. Certainly he was used to sleeping alone but even when Grace had been absent he had imagined her presence or her future presence next to him.
He was
grateful for some intimacy with another person and he ran his hands
through Sophie's dark hair as they kissed. It wasn't passonate or
urgent but tender and fulfilling. It was what he needed for now. They
stopped kissing and she held him tightly in her arms. Although he had
seemed to be in control before, he was now shaking and sobbing.
Sophie was shocked, she had never seen such a large strong man so
vulnerable.
Sophie; "Josh, its ok, its ok"
Josh nods
and breaks the embrace, wipes his face and sighs deeply.
Josh; "I
guess I should go now."
Sophie; "why ?"
Josh
shrugs.
Sophie; "don't go back and sit in your apartment
alone"
It's late afternoon.
Josh; "I'm pretty hungry
actually"
Sophie; "ok, let's get some food, how about
takeaway thai ? and we can watch a movie"
Josh laughs; "what
movie ?"
Sophie points to her bookshelf. "There's plenty
to choose from"
Josh realises that he's been so introspective
that he hasn't looked around the room. She does have a lot of Dvds
and he gets up to look. There are quite a few that he wouldn't mind
seeing.
Josh; "ok then, good idea"
Sophie gets the
takeaway menu, Josh chooses a film and they enjoy a quiet night in,
mates, enjoying each other's company. They don't kiss again, not
tonight.
The sexy stare
This part was written in direct response to a photo of Josh which was discussed on the channel ten forum as "the sexy stare" photo.
Josh had been waiting at the park for ages ( or so it seemed ). Sophie was supposed to take some more photos. He found it so frustrating, he just wanted to go for a run, he should just take off, stuff her, but he was a man who kept his word and he kind of respected Sophie.
Where was she ?
Finally she turns up.
Sophie can see Josh standing, pacing up and down, jumping a bit, he looks very edgy, not in the mood for photos. She slowly approaches, she doesn't really have a good excuse for her lateness, well, apart from the fact that the bus was late, she really should get a car one day, but she can't say that because she should have left earlier........ She's a bit worried, he can get pretty moody sometimes.
She hesitatingly walks over to him, he was so agitated that he hadn't noticed her approaching.
Josh finally sees her walking his way, past the trees. He stops jumping around and stands still. He folds his arms in front and stares down at her, with his intimidating ( some might say sexy ) stare. She's pretty short too so he is really looking down at her.
Sophie is now
standing in front of him.
Sophie; "Um, hi Josh......"
He
stares at her some more, waiting for an explanation. No need to speak
when you are Josh.
Sophie; "you know, those bus timetables
are pretty useless...."
She stops, this is getting her
nowhere and she is incredibly turned on by that look of his, she is
completely entranced by those angry green eyes. She would secretly
like him to walk over right now, grab her by the arms and pull her
towards him, kiss her passionately.
My god, how is she going to concentrate and take photos now ?
Josh doesn't walk over
and grab her, instead he grunts and says;
"whatever, are you
ready ? I've been here for........oh come on, what do you want me to
do ?"
She fumbles amongst her gear and tries to look
professional.
Josh is a bit stunned, something is up, he thinks,
she's not really with it.
Josh; "you look stressed, maybe you
need a drink...."
Sophie: "you want to drink and then
run ?"
Josh: "no, I said you
need a drink, I'm fine...."
Sophie; "well, I'm fine too
then, lets do it and think about drinks later."
Josh;
"righto then"
Immediately following The Sexy Stare
After the photoshoot Josh again suggests that she needs a drink to relax. She's definitely tenser than usual and he's noticed this, its putting him on edge. Although before he said he didn't need a drink, he's changed his mind.
However first Josh needs to have a shower, he's pretty sweaty from the running even though it was all staged and short-lived. He suggests they go back to his place, its not far away and there's a bottle shop nearby. They go in his car and he buys some cold beers at the bottle shop. He offers her one in the car while he's driving and she accepts. She leans her arm on the window in the afternoon sun and takes a swig, he quite likes having her there next to him, it's been a while since he's had a girl in the passenger seat, even Grace was a rare visitor to his car.
Back at Josh's apartment he sets her up in a comfy seat on the balcony, with her beer, whilst he has a shower. She hasn't been to his place before. She has a little look around, nothing too revealing, a fairly blokey joint, with a few gadgets and boy's toys.
In the shower he thinks about the situation, relaxing his body, the water streaming down his back, his legs.......He leans with his hands against the wall, his head under the jet of water. He hadn't planned this, it wasn't his intention to bring her back here, it just happened. He could see she needed to relax somewhere quiet and a pub wasn't a good choice, maybe the park, but he was all sweaty and hot and bothered.
He wonders what is wrong, why she is so tense.
Out on the balcony Sophie is stunned by this development. Yes they'd kissed at her place last week, but that was all and she had got the impression that he wasn't in a rush to get her in bed, that he wasn't ready for a lover. This current situation was rather puzzling. She really liked him and enjoyed his company, as for any physical attraction, well, what was there to complain about ?
Josh got out of the shower and dried himself
off, looked at himself in the mirror for a moment thinking, where was
this friendship going ? Did it matter ?
He walked out of the
bathroom with the towel wrapped around his waist and started looking
for some clothes to put on. He'd better go see how she was doing. On
the way he grabs himself a beer.
Josh goes out to the
balcony where Sophie is watching the sunset over the industrial
cityscape. She's nearly finished her beer and she's more
relaxed.
Josh: "hey " ( in a soft voice ) "how are
you feeling now ?"
Sophie smiles up at him; "good........I
feel good...."
She looks back at the view trying not
to look at him.
Sophie; "sunset over the buildings hey
?"
Josh; "yeah, I guess I don't look at it that much
anymore"
He pulls up a chair and sits next to her. He has a
beer too. Sophie looks at him.
Sophie; "mind if I have a
second ?"
Josh; "yeah sure, no worries "
He gets
up.
S; "no, I can get it "
Josh insists. He knows how
to play the polite host. He puts his hand on her bare shoulder as she
goes to stand up ( her shirt sleeve has slipped down ). He gently
pushes her back into her seat, leaving her skin tingling after his
touch as he walks off to the kitchen. Goosebumps shimmering across
her back.
Josh comes back and hands her a beer.
Sophie:
"thanks"
Josh sits back down again, they clink their
beers together, she smiles shyly, suddenly coy.
Josh; "you
know, I hardly remember you from high school"
Sophie; "you
wouldn't, I don't expect you to"
Josh; "who were you
friends with ?"
Sophie; "I didn't really have many
friends, I hung out in the library, drawing...."
Josh;
"oh"
Sophie: "I had a massive crush on you in Year
11" There, it's out in the open, silly little admission that has
been bugging her, making her tense.
Josh; "is that right ? I
didn't notice"
Sophie; " of course you didn't . Come on
Josh, you were in the footy team ! Half the girls in year 11 had the
hots for you !"
Josh just stares at her.
Sophie: "I
guess it's two different worlds hey ? Boys and girls in high
school...."
Josh nods.
Sophie thinks; Christ, I'm relaxed
now !, 2 beers and no food....
Josh is looking at her face, the
way her dark hair falls across her ear, her cute dimples. She's
nearly finished her second beer. Josh would think twice about taking
advantage of her except that he remembers it was Sophie who started
the kissing last time at her place and she was sober that time. So he
pushes the fallen lock of hair back behind her ear and traces the
outline of her jawline with his finger. She shivers under his touch.
He cups her chin in his hand and leans over whilst drawing her
closer. They kiss, at first hesitatingly, then intensely. She has a
loose summer shirt on, and he pushes it right off her shoulder, then
he remembers that they are out on the balcony.
Josh; "lets
go inside".
Half an hour later
Sophie and Josh are lying on his bed amongst the sheets, naked. He lies behind her, his leg over her legs, his arm around her waist and his face tucked in to her shoulder. Her hair brushes over his face. He breathes in her warmth, the feminine smell of make-up and perfume. He feels secure, satisfied and at peace. He hasn't felt this way for months, not since Gracie, but its different, he doesn't feel that he has substituted Sophie for Grace.
Sophie sighs, a
smile spreads across her face.
Josh hears her sigh; "what's
wrong ?"
Sophie; "nothing, nothing at all" and she
turns around to smile at him lying next to her.
Josh; "stay
here"
Sophie frowns.
Sophie; "what do you mean
exactly ?"
Josh rolls his eyes and thinks, why do I always
need to explain myself to girls.
Sophie; "what ? Are you
asking me to move in just like that ? "
Josh;
"well........yeah, I guess......... I don't know, I just like
having you here next to me. I don't want it to end"
Sophie;
"that's sweet Josh, but......"
Josh; " I guess I
hadn't really thought things through, it was just
spontaneous......"
Sophie just watches him. She's very
tempted to say yes but knows it will probably backfire and she'd
prefer to take things slowly.
Sophie; "Josh.......let's not
ruin it, I like you, I'm not going to leave you"
Josh
nods.
Sophie; "I'm a bit surprised though, I thought you were
happy living alone, I mean......you didn't live with Grace did you
?"
Josh doesn't look at her.
Sophie; "Josh ? "
She wonders if she shouldn't have said her name, tricky
situation....
Josh; "I haven't told you something important,
well, it doesn't really matter now anyway, and it's not relevant to
us......"
Sophie looks at him in nervous expectation.
Josh
looks up at her.
Josh; "Grace was married. We were having an
affair. "
Sophie mouth drops open but she says nothing.
Josh;
" She told him, you know, she told him just before she
died......."
Sophie swears quietly. No wonder the poor guy
has been such an emotional wreck, and now she's brought it up again
by mentioning her name. She regards him with a concerned look.
Josh;
"It's alright, I've had months to think about this. I need to
move on, I want to move on with you Sophie."
She kisses
him.
Josh; "Are you hungry ? It's 7pm you know, I've worked
up an appetite now !" he adds with a cheeky grin. She pushes him
off the bed and laughs.
Josh; "lets go get some food"
They
get up and start collecting their clothes, which are on the floor in
a trail leading back to the lounge and balcony door.
Note; When Josh says "stay here" its open to interpretation, does he mean stay in bed with me now, tonight or move in ? I don't think he even knows, he just says it spontaneously.
