Author's Notes: Last Monday, I called a place to find out that they had no interest in interviewing me unless I could be there in person - not that they were going to even call and tell me so. I ended up buying a 700 plane ticket less than 24 hours before the flight - which meant being super-checked by airport security when I flew from CA to NY the next morning at the ass crack of dawn. I then drove to VT, got no sleep in a hotel because it was the first time H and I have spent a night apart in almost 3 years, interviewed and then went apartment hunting all damn day. I then had to drive back to NY the next morning and fly back to CA, only my 3 hour layover in Chicago turned into 7 hours, half of it stuck on the tarmac in a plane with broken AC. Ask me how happy I was to be on the road from 4 AM to 10 PM and then be woken at 9 AM Friday morning by a phone call telling me they'd hired someone else. I was an absolute mess.

The silver lining, thankfully, is that I did indeed find H and I the most lovely half of a house to rent, so we now have an end destination for our move on the 26th of July. I spent the rest of the weekend writing fanfic and playing Wii in order to recover. This weekend, we're going to Anime Expo Friday (cosplaying Heero & Duo, of course) and then Saturday we're driving to Vegas for a concert.

Don't worry, though - chapter 18 is one I've been looking forward to writing since the day I started this story. I wanted to thank my two lone reviewers (out of 110 readers at last count?) for being so kind in taking the time to say a few words.

Irenthel: I'm delighted that you're enjoying the story so far and that you approve of the characterizations! Don't worry if you're craving more - I have so much more planned and some of my very favorite parts are coming up soon! I wish you much luck with your own story too.

KS: KS, I have no idea what I'd do without you. Thank you, thank you, thank you! "Genius creation" is a huge part of where this story is ultimately headed - what I mean, is, as much as there will always be drama, I'm hoping that coming chapters and plot arcs will start to show the other layers of the pilots' personalities, outside of the war, too. I'm thrilled that you're still reading and enjoying this story.

Summer is here. When did that happen?

Sometimes things don't always turn out the way we plan. The fates push and pull us along the path - We find the reasons why - one step at a time.

Chapter 17 – Dare You To Move (Episodes 43 - 44)

o/ Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here /o

"Heero! Wu Fei!" Quatre called out as he used the weak gravity to float towards the two who had just arrived.

"So you made it without getting shot to pieces," Duo added with a grin.

Heero kept his expression neutral, but was surprised to find his pulse quickening a little at the sight of the braided pilot. He'd been so caught up on Earth with Sanc Kingdom and Wing Zero that it was only at this moment that he realized how long it had been since he'd seen Duo. Back on the Lunar Base…

"Mind if we stay for awhile?" Wu Fei greeted Quatre politely, though he already knew thanks to Sally that they were more than welcome.

"No, stay as long as you like," Quatre responded with equal politeness as he came to a stop in front of them. "I'm just glad to have you visit." I can hardly believe it… the two most reticent and opposed to working together… we're finally all here… a team. The very thought enlarged the grin on his face and he turned to gesture behind them. "If you'd like, I'll take you to meet Howard, the man in charge of this ship."

"That would be acceptable," Wu Fei nodded and started to follow Quatre, pausing only a moment to acknowledge Duo and Trowa with another nod. "Trowa, we've brought your mobile suit with us."

"…really?" Trowa's eyes widened and he looked quickly to Quatre for guidance, which Heero found immediately suspicious, though he said nothing.

"Why don't you come with us, Trowa?" Quatre asked quickly, his eyes darting from Heero to Duo, feeling slightly guilty for leaving his friend behind to explain.

Once Trowa had followed the other two down the platform towards Howard, Heero turned to Duo and asked him without hesitation. "Has Trowa lost his memory?"

Duo blinked several times, opening and closing his mouth a few times before giving a short grunt of affirmation. "You deduced that from one glance?" What was I expecting? An I'm-so-happy-to-see-you hug? Of course, it's business as usual.

"Trowa's not normally a hesitant person when it comes to making decisions."

"Ah, well… " Duo trailed off, not sure how to respond to that statement, as he honestly didn't really know Trowa that well. There was a long silence as Heero moved to stand against the railing, his arms still crossed over his chest. "It's… been awhile," Duo started again awkwardly, giving Heero a small smile before turning around to rest his arms on the railing. I feel caught between wanting to shake him or hit him or… kiss him… Duo wanted to just pick up where they'd left off, but so much had happened in the last few weeks and he really hadn't confided his doubts about the war and their position in it to anyone, even Quatre. It left him feeling disjointed and disconnected. The images that the Zero System had shown him still hung in the back of his mind and he gave a mild start as he realized he was staring right at it. Wing Zero?! Duo glanced quickly up and down the hangar, but the original Wing was nowhere in sight, which could only mean… "You brought that troublesome suit with you," he muttered. "You'd have to be insane to pilot a thing like that."

Heero had been carefully observing Duo's awkward attempts to connect with him and every gesture the other boy made suddenly brought to mind the strange dream he'd had when first piloting Epyon. "I never asked you to pilot it," he deadpanned, changing neither posture nor expression.

Damn…so he is piloting the Zero System. Duo was startled and amused by the humor, though, considering their parting and the boot he'd once thrown at Heero's face, he really shouldn't have been surprised. "You piloted it, though," he shot back immediately as he turned to face the other boy. "If you can…" He left the implied "I can too" hanging in the air, not wanting to actually relate his horrifying one-time excursion on the system.

Still so easy to provoke… Enjoying the reaction he was getting out of Duo, Heero glanced over at him slyly out of the corner of his blue eyes before adding another barb. "I can handle that suit. I've piloted the Epyon, and it has the same system on it."

"Epyon?!" Duo was sincerely shocked this time and would have guessed that Heero was just fucking with him – except that Heero knew how Duo felt about lying… didn't he? "You mean the one that Zechs was in?! Why were you piloting that?" He waited for a response and when he received none, he knew that Heero was telling him the truth. Momentarily defeated, Duo slumped dramatically before turning away and folding his arms over his chest in a mimic of Heero's usual stance. "I almost forgot what you're like," he muttered, knowing the other pilot would see through his words and know he was just messing back at him. "You're just about as loony as they come!" He started to walk away as he saw Quatre on his way back to them.

"Duo."

Heero had taken one step closer while Duo's back was turned and just before Quatre came within earshot, he leaned in a little, speaking low as he touched Duo's shoulder lightly with one hand. "I've heard that crazy attracts crazy."

Duo was so stunned by the remark – was it Heero's attempt at humor? Was it supposed to be an insult? A come-on? – that he didn't even respond.

"What was that about?" Quatre asked with a puzzled look, glancing back at Heero as he disappeared down the platform and around the corner, noting the hint of pink in Duo's cheeks.

"Nothing," Duo mumbled. "It was nothing."

o/ Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next
What happens next /o

Trowa had hoped that seeing his Gundam again would spark something in his memories, but other than a very hazy image of explosions going off in his mind's eye, he felt nothing, and it frustrated him. "That's my Gundam…" he murmured to himself, gazing up at it thoughtfully.

"Trowa, we'll modify your suit for space compatibility," Howard called down to him from up above.

"Appreciate it," he called back. Maybe if I get inside it, fight with it, I'll remember…

"Even once it gets modified, you're nothing but a sitting duck to the enemy. You're better off not returning to battle." Wu Fei had realized immediately when Quatre had introduced him to Howard and shown Trowa the mobile suit that the taller boy had no recollection of it. He knew full well that he was being harsh, maybe even cruel, in his assessment of Trowa's situation, but it was really for his own good. Weak people should not fight and someone with no memory of their training and experience is weak in my eyes.

Trowa knew the voice was Wu Fei without even turning around, and so he didn't, not wanting the other to see how much the comment bothered him. Quatre and Duo had been entirely supportive, if worried, about his desire to fight with them, but Wu Fei's reaction was the complete opposite. But what if he's right? I don't care so much about putting myself in danger, but if I end up being a danger to Quatre and Duo out on the battlefield… "You're probably right," he finally muttered in response before turning sharply and walking away. Whether or not Wu Fei was right, Trowa was also certain that letting the comments make him even more insecure wasn't going to help him regain his memories.

At the other end of the platform, Duo and Quatre were watching the latest news reports on a large monitor and Trowa stood a few steps behind their turned backs to observe.

"This is a declaration to White Fang. The OZ Space Force has taken over Colony C421! We demand you return the space battleship Libra that you seized! Should you ignore our demand, we cannot guarantee the safety of this colony or its citizens!"

"The OZ guys in space have really lost it now," Duo muttered in annoyance.

Quatre turned to look at Duo with a slow shake of his head. "That's because White Fang has pushed them to the edge. White Fang didn't leave OZ a place to run. And this is how it resulted."

"Those weaklings depend too much on their mobile dolls," Wu Fei spoke up from behind them, startling Trowa a little. He had some tools in his hands and shrugged as he started to work on Altron. "What do you expect?"

Why does he have such a negative attitude? Trowa's eyes narrowed and he saw Quatre give him a concerned look, but he turned around and started to walk away. "I'm… going to see where Heero went."

"He's probably gone to speak with Noin and Sally," Duo guessed, folding his arms behind his head with a sigh.

"We should really all sit down and discuss this latest development," Quatre agreed. "Let's head to the control room." He jogged a few steps to catch up to Trowa and smiled gently. "Everything okay?" he said, too softly for the others to overhear.

Trowa didn't want Quatre to worry about him any more than he already was, so he simply nodded. "I'm fine."

o/ Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here /o

In the control room, Heero, Sally and Noin had already pulled up the current positions of the various forces and the pilots gathered around the display as Sally filled them in on White Fang's response to OZ's takeover of the colony. "Libra's changed direction. They're heading for the colony taken over by OZ."

"They only changed direction?" Heero responded skeptically. No doll deployment? "So they're gonna fire the main cannon."

Duo turned to look at Heero, his eyebrows rising in surprise. "And destroy the whole colony?" Zechs has lost his mind! "That guy's unreal," he growled, his hands curling into fists at his side.

"Impossible," Noin defended him immediately, ignoring the huff of disgust that came from Wu Fei, where he stood off in the corner, a few steps away from the other pilots. "Zechs would never do such a thing!"

There was a moment of silence before Quatre tried to diplomatically express the rest of the groups' opinion without further hurting Noin's already fragile feelings. "I can understand how you'd wanna believe that. But he's the White Fang leader."

"I know, but…" Noin started, pausing when Wu Fei made another displeased noise from his corner.

Only marginally paying attention to the argument, Trowa's eyes were still on the news report on the smaller console in front of him and he froze as the camera suddenly panned over a familiar face in the group of colonists that had been taken hostage. Catherine!

"No buts!" Wu Fei finally snapped at Noin. "He is leading a militaristic group! Their movements are a direct reflection of his decisions!"

"Wu Fei," Quatre took a few steps towards the other pilot, his glance flicking back and forth between the Chinese boy and Noin's stricken and pale face.

"We can't let White Fang fire the cannon at a colony no matter who's in charge!" Duo added, trying to help Quatre diffuse the tension.

Amidst the arguing about whether or not they should get involved, no one saw Trowa slip out the door besides Heero, but assuming Trowa simply didn't want to listen to the fighting, he didn't stop the other boy. Noin was being completely unreasonable, Wu Fei was being completely antagonistic, Quatre was playing the diplomat and Heero was quickly remembering why he hated not working alone. But what point would there be to Zechs firing that cannon at the very same colonies he's supposedly trying to protect? It's no way to gain the support of the colonists. What is he really up to?

The argument was only interrupted by the sudden wailing of sirens and Sally quickly punched a few buttons, bringing up live feed from the hangar to reveal Trowa in a spacesuit, helmet tucked under his arm. "Trowa?!" Quatre gasped, running back over to the monitor with a horrified look on his face. "Heero, he's taking Wing Zero!"

Heero watched quietly as Trowa climbed into his Gundam, Howard yelling at him and waving frantically, and he shrugged slightly. "I owe Trowa a favor," he said, feeling no need to explain any further. Trowa lent me Heavy Arms to fight Zechs in Antarctica, among other things, so if he wants to borrow Wing Zero… perhaps Zero will show him his past as well as his future.

"He's really gone overboard!" Duo stood tensely beside Quatre, his eyes fixed on the screen. Shit! How did none of us notice him leaving?!

"Let's follow him!" Quatre turned and implored Duo with a hint of desperation. "Wing Zero is too dangerous in his state!"

"Right!" Duo agreed, following Quatre out of the room. With Heavy Arms and Altron in repairs, they were the best hope of catching up to Trowa and finding out what had caused him to take off so abruptly. Does he care that strongly about the colony being in danger? Did some sort of memory spark him?

"Oh Allah, this is all my fault," Quatre fretted as he and Duo ran back to the hangar to grab spacesuits.

"Don't even start that," Duo snapped quickly, reaching out to hit his arm lightly. "You didn't tell Trowa to steal that suit and run off on his own! What the hell could he be thinking?!"

Having had a few minutes to contemplate it, Quatre could come up with only one answer. "Did you see the circus tent in the background, Duo? I think Catherine might be in that group of hostages."

The stream of curses that rolled out of Duo's mouth in response was quite lengthy and spurred them even more quickly onward.

o/ Tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be /o

Piloting Wing Zero was nothing like piloting the regular OZ mobile suits.

The machine breathed with Trowa as if it was an extension of him body, the beeps were his heartbeat, the flashing monitors his eyes and his hands were so sweaty he was having trouble keeping a firm grip on the controls. The longer he fought the dolls – flying, slashing, turning, punching, spinning, blasting – the more his vision began to blur with the little red symbols and he trembled.

"I-I've gotta save Catherine…" I can't let my lack of memories stand in the way. If I just believe I can save her, then I'm sure my body will do what it's been trained to do, do the things I don't remember learning… it's just like… just like riding a lion or walking a wire… I can do it even if I can't… can't remember… how... why…

"Trowa!"

Trowa blinked hard, choking as he saw Catherine coming towards him, lovely in her circus costume, running to embrace him – I see the enemies, Zero! I see them, but I have to protect… - Trowa fired again, screaming as the fiery explosions melted the image of Catherine along with the enemy suits.

Quatre could see the explosions from a distance and he quickly agreed to let Duo handle the colony from within. This is my mess… As soon as he was close enough, the monitor popped up and he could tell immediately that the system had all but possessed Trowa. His eyes were glassy and focused on the screens, not even noticing Quatre's presence as he destroyed doll after doll with no regard to how close to the colony they were fighting. No! I can't let him make the same mistake I did! It's horrible enough that I destroyed that mostly evacuated colony… but if I let Trowa hurt Catherine… he'd never forgive himself. Never. I'd never forgive myself.

"Don't do it! Trowa!" Trowa was aiming at the colony now, oblivious to the fact that the doll was trying to use it as a cover and Quatre pressed Sandrock forward, screaming at his unresponsive friend as he blasted the doll away from the side. "Open your eyes, Trowa!" Is this… is this what Trowa felt like, trying to stop me? So helpless? "The person you have to protect lives there! You were the one that corrected the mistake I made!" Please, please don't make me fight you, Trowa… Quatre thought his heart was breaking into tiny little pieces and he screamed again with all the breath he had, hoping that somehow he could get through to the other boy.

Wing Zero was hovering in space, motionless, as Trowa bent over the controls, his breathing ragged and uneven. That voice… that voice that keeps calling my name… it's just like before… "I can't let you make the same mistake now! Don't let the Zero System control you! You're to strong to let that happen!" That voice that keeps calling my name…

o/ Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell /o

Trowa clutched at his helmet as his head pounded, squeezing his eyes closed to try and blot out the sound that kept rising in pitch all around him, but he could not keep the memories from coming. Helpless to the onslaught, he choked out a few words. "Th-the person… I wanna protect…"

Trowa's life flashed in chunks, puzzle pieces twirling and whirling and trying to sort themselves back into order – without a name, 

Trowa Barton – flying, the window of stars, on the lion's back - he was inside Heavy Arms, fighting confidently – and an explosion, always the explosions – and Heero, Heero's injured there's nothing wrong with acting on your emotions Catherine, laughing, slipping the mask in place - Catherine – slapping him, those tears – and reloading bullets – standing in front of the cockpit, Quatre We shouldn't be fighting picking up a violin, a glass of red wine cold metal flute in his hands – a campfire, the smell of smoke and overly salty soup Wu Fei silent company – really fucking itchy uniforms and Duo's eyes flashing, fingers brushing fingers and the feeling of triumph – the great void of space, the fighting, the redundant fighting, the cause fighting – stale air, the sizzling crack of electricity and the voice is calling to him again, Quatre is screaming his name over and over and over and o--

"Trowa! Trowa!! Are you all right?! TROWA!!" Quatre didn't care about the tears rolling down his face, his hot breath fogging his helmet as his hands hesitated in making a decision. Wing Zero was still hovering in front of him, motionless, and Trowa had been bent over the controls for a long time before an answer finally came. "You're right, Quatre." The blond gasped a breath in surprise at the familiar lilting tone that had been so absent from Trowa's speech patterns with his memory missing. Could he… is it possible… oh, Allah… can I dare to hope?

Sitting up slowly, Trowa flexed his hands and wrapped them around the controls. He knew that there was a lot for him to process and make sense of, but for the most part, he finally felt like himself again. And I owe it to Quatre… and Duo. Turning to look straight at Quatre's monitor, he felt his heart squeeze at the hopeful tear-streaked face of his dear friend. "We both have people to protect."

Quatre's empathy flared sharply as their eyes met, telling him everything without needing to ask, and he could not keep the joy from his face. "T-Trowa! Your memory's back!"

Yes, Quatre. That's the way I want to see you. Smiling. "Let's go," he said, turning Wing Zero to face the colony. "Catherine's waiting for us."

As soon as he was certain that all of the OZ suits were taken care of, Duo left Trowa and Quatre to calm down the colony citizens as he opened a line to Peacemillion. "We've saved the colony! Tell White Fang to cancel their attack!" he reported breathlessly.

"There won't be any need," Wu Fei's voice came back over the monitor, through he wasn't in the viewscreen beside Sally. "What you guys just did was in vain."

"What?!" Duo asked in confusion as Heero stepped into the picture. In vain? But they don't need to fire the cannon at the colony now that we've eliminated the threat from OZ!

"The target of Libra's main cannon was never that colony," Heero informed him quickly.

"What?! Then what was?" Duo snapped back. If there's no OZ here to fire at, then his enemy is… oh, SHIT. Duo's eyes went wide in realization at the precise moment that the monitor showing Libra outside the colony flickered sharply. "You don't mean…?"

There were multiple voices coming from the line to Peacemillion, but Duo slapped the mute button as Trowa and Quatre came to stand beside him, each watching in horror as Libra's cannon bypassed the colony to strike a direct blow to Earth. Treize is never gonna let that go. "There's no turning back now…" Duo murmured, more to himself than anyone else. Closing his eyes for a moment couldn't erase the image he's sure would be burned there forever. How could anyone do such a thing? What can we possibly do to stop him?

"Maybe we're powerless against him," Quatre shook his head sadly, as if he'd read Duo's thoughts.

"Perhaps…" Duo whispered, trying to swallow the lump in his throat to no avail.

"We should head back to Peacemillion now that the threat is averted," Trowa's voice was calm and steady.

"Yes, you're right," Quatre agreed, his face pale and his lips tight. "I'll take point. Forgive me, but I… I need a few minutes to myself."

His monitor went dark as Sandrock took off, and Duo and Trowa followed silently behind until they had left the colony in the distance and were back in the silent void of outer space.

"Hey, Duo?" Trowa's voice came across the monitor.

Trying to shake off the daze he'd felt since watching that shot be fired, Duo offered Trowa a small smile. Maybe saving the colony was in vain when Zechs' true target was Earth, but if it means Trowa's regained his memory, then this fight was not a waste. "Yeah, Tro?" he tried to inject even an ounce of cheerfulness into his voice.

Trowa was silent for a moment as he tried to find a way to express the feelings in his heart, something he was admittedly not very used to doing. "I wanted you to know… that I've always really enjoyed peanut butter and jelly, but that I probably like grape just a little bit better than strawberry."

It was really the last thing in the world that Duo was expecting to hear after they'd just watched White Fang blast Earth and were on the verge of a battle that would probably cost all of them their lives, and yet, at the same time, it was exactly what he needed to hear. Surprised to find himself suddenly blinking back tears, he ducked his head with a short and crisp laugh so that Trowa wouldn't see. "I'll keep that in mind for next time."

"I don't really know how to thank you for sending Quatre to me," Trowa added quickly, watching Duo's reaction with interest, knowing now that Deathscythe's pilot wasn't the type to get flustered easily.

"Heh heh…" Duo chuckled a little. "I think you just did, but really, s'not necessary. I know you would've done the same."

"True, but I still know that I owe you one." There was silence for a moment until Duo finally looked up again with a warmer smile than the first one he'd given.

"I'm really glad you got your memory back, Trowa."

This time it was Trowa's turn to laugh. "You can't possibly be happier than I am!" It was at that exact moment that Quatre' s monitor popped up again and hearing the mutual laughter of his two friends, he raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Did I miss something?" he asked them with genuine curiosity, heartened at their ability to find some levity at such a difficult time. It had taken him a few minutes just to collect his thoughts and feelings after witnessing such a brutal attack.

"How do you like your peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, Quatre?" Duo asked him, as Trowa hadn't stopped chuckling yet. "Strawberry or grape?"

Quatre looked from one monitor to the other, his cheeks coloring a little as he wondered if there was some sort of joke or innuendo he was totally oblivious to. "Well, honestly…" he stated slowly, then paused, figuring he might as well give them an honest answer. "I don't eat it with jelly."

"No jelly?" Duo asked incredulously, leaning closer to the monitor and dramatically opening his mouth into the shape of an O.

"Then what do you eat it with?" Trowa asked, tilting his head a little in confusion.

There was silence as they both waited for Quatre's answer, at which point he finally squeaked out one word. "Bananas!" He cleared his throat as they both leaned closer and tried to speak a little more calmly. "I eat my peanut butter sandwiches with bananas."

"Bananas?! Now that's bizarre!" Duo burst out laughing even harder than before.

"Are you making fun of me?!" Quatre demanded playfully. "It's really quite delicious! You should try it some time."

"We will," Trowa promised between chuckles. "Sometime soon, we'll all sit down and trade peanut butter sandwiches."

I knew Relena would seek out Zechs… she's so utterly and completely predictable! Dorothy leaned against the door outside of the room she'd locked Relena into with an expression of glee, absolutely delighted with herself. Everything is going according to plan! It's going to be a glorious war, Grandfather!

"Damn, is it really 4 AM by ship clock?" Duo sighed as he flopped down onto a bench. "I swear that time has lost all meaning to me lately."

"I'm sorry to have kept you both up all night," Trowa apologized as they pulled off their helmets and stripped out of their spacesuits.

"Nothing to apologize for, Trowa," Quatre smiled, running both hands through his hair as he shook his head a little, glad for fresher air. "It was worth it."

"Absolutely," Duo agreed as they made their way to Peacemillion's control room. He was glad that Trowa had recovered his memory, but bothered about how the rest of the trip had turned out. The moment he stepped onto the bridge, his eyes were drawn to where Heero stood leaning against the wall on the far side of the room. I can't believe he didn't tell us until after it was over that Zechs' target was Earth. I know we were going after Trowa, but shouldn't we have tried to stop Zechs too? He sat down at one of the consoles, with Quatre standing just behind him and Trowa to his right. Sally and Wu Fei both stood close to Howard and Noin sat on the older man's other side, even more withdrawn than when they'd left.

"Now then, how shall we proceed?" Howard addressed the group.

"Destroy Libra!" Wu Fei responded immediately and sharply. "It's that simple."

Sally turned to look at him with a small shake of her head. "Will that end the war?"

Quatre had been reading the reports over Duo's shoulder and he straightened and looked back at the two of them before responding. "No, it won't. On Earth, Treize is preparing to send a military force to space. The colonies will retaliate against that." At least, White Fang seems determined to retaliate on their behalf.

Duo stopped typing and looked up at Quatre, trying to figure out if his friend was in favor of destroying Libra or not. "But we can't just leave Libra." I'm sure that Zechs will take another shot at Earth when that thing's repaired. Duo turned to look back at the rest of the group as he raised his hand in the air. "I'm all for destroying it!"

"Sure, but is that an option?" Trowa added immediately, watching as everyone's eyes snapped to look at him and realizing that it felt really good to understand what was going on around him again.

"Are you saying we take on Zechs as our enemy?" Noin finally spoke up.

Duo turned around to look at the screen again to keep himself from giving her a death glare. "You think that guy's our ally?" Did she not see him FIRE at and HIT the Earth?!

"Well…" she started slowly.

Howard cut her off to save another fight over Zechs' loyalties and glanced across the room. "Heero, what's your opinion?"

"Zechs is our enemy," Heero replied in a tone that left no room for argument. "He feels the same way about us."

The wailing of alert sirens cut off his next statement and the large monitors flashed to show incoming enemies. "Howard!" one of the ship's crew called out loudly. "Mobile suit carriers are approaching. A huge White Fang fleet!"

Duo glanced up at Trowa with a gesture of annoyance, knowing that he'd feel the same frustration. "There you have it; they beat us to the punch."

Trowa nodded slightly and called to Howard. "Is Heavy Arms ready?"

"All ready to go. Altron too."

Wu Fei looked pleased for the first time since he'd come aboard Sally's shuttle and she watched him with amusement as he headed for the door. "Okay, let's go!"

Wow… are we really all going to finally fight together? Duo watched as Trowa, Quatre and surprisingly, Noin, followed Wu Fei out the door, but hung back for a moment, pausing in front of where Heero was standing and resting a hand on his shoulder with a small smile. "Let's go, Heero!"

Heero could already tell that his answer wasn't going to be well-received, but there wasn't time for him to explain his motives in detail and not give away what he needed to do. "Sorry, but Wing Zero won't be joining this battle."

Duo immediately snatched his hand away and drew back in surprise. "What's going on, Heero?"

"Gotta take care of something," he said evasively, turning to leave. As much as I don't want to admit it, I can't let Duo know that I want to observe the battle – he could act differently and contaminate the data, making it that much harder for me to help protect them.

"What?" Duo repeated incredulously as if he hadn't heard what Heero had clearly said. "Something more important than fighting with us to protect Peacemillion?!"

"Yes, Maxwell," Heero snapped, growing frustrated by the fact that Duo couldn't just take him at his word.

Duo stared at the back of Heero's head in disbelief, wondering why he couldn't just be honest about what else he had planned. "Whatever," Duo muttered darkly, pushing past Heero and marching towards the hangar. I don't have time to play games right now.

Heero watched Duo go with a frustrated knot in his gut before turning and walking back into the control room. Ignoring the curious look he got from Sally, he slid into the console that Duo had been sitting in, the chair still holding onto a trace of his warmth, and typed a few commands to bring up the views surrounding Peacemillion - just in time to watch Deathscythe soar away from the ship, twirling the scythe from one hand to another in an angry brandish.

The five mobile suits had barely reached a loose formation when the battle began, fast and furious. A moment's hesitation and they were all racing off in different directions, not working together in even the slightest way, and Heero frowned as he observed the tactics of the other pilots. Each Gundam had a slightly different range and attack style, and each pilot had a different balance when it came to attacking, defending and counter-attacking, but they were all running into the same problems. The dolls were dividing into mostly groups of three, working back to back and combining the strength and area of their shields to make them much harder to hit. The Gundams were destroying them, slowly but surely, but they were taking a hell of a lot of damage at the same time, separated as they were.

This isn't random… the dolls have definitely been loaded with a new strategic program – one that changes commands based on real-time battle observations. "You may think they are worthless, Wu Fei…" Heero murmured as he rose to his feet and started towards the hangar. "But there's no denying that the dolls are getting smarter."

If he were out there fighting with them, it would be easy to use the Zero System to counteract the new programming and lead the group. Unfortunately, Heero already had no doubt in his mind that he would not be able to take that position in the coming battle. Even with Treize sending troops to outer space, Zechs and Epyon were still most likely to demand a 1-on-1 fight with Wing Zero, taking him out of the battle with the dolls or any other enemies. But who should lead them? Who could not only master the Zero System, but be the right person to guide them – able not only to make the best decisions with no time to make them in, but also to have those decisions be respected by the others?

Climbing into Wing Zero, Heero carefully opened several panels behind his chair and slid out the programming tray. "It's natural Zechs would use his mobile dolls strategically," he said softly to himself. "But I still think there's some other strategist behind this latest development, someone who's really made note of our collective weak point, out inability to work as a cohesive unit." He set the Zero System program to copy onto some spare discs and then used Zero's monitors to pull up the battle footage again. I'm glad to see that my instincts were right.

Noin and Quatre had caught onto the new programming as well and were fighting back to back, minimizing the damage they were taking. Heavy Arms had lost part of its right arm, but Heero watched as Deathscythe soared to assist Trowa. The fight was nearing its end and they had won, but not without a costly price. Zero's lights flickered and Heero closed his eyes, listening to the Gundam in a way he'd never admit to anyone else. "Yes, I know that, Zero." We can't continue taking damage at this pace and still be able to assist in taking down Libra. "As it stands, we can't possibly beat Zechs."

Heero removed the copied discs and climbed down from Wing Zero, setting them aside for the moment. In the end, if there was going to be any hope of them surviving, then there was only one person he could imagine thrusting this responsibility on – the one who'd fought so hard to bring them together in the first place.

When Sally walked into the lounge and saw the current state of the Gundam team, she felt truly worried for the first time. Quatre sat at a table, leaning forward with hands clasped, quiet and pensive, a grim expression taking the place of his usual smile. Trowa was gazing absently out the view port as Duo sat drinking a soda, his space suit only half-removed and his eyes closed, and Wu Fei had disengaged totally, floating in midair in a meditative stance. Leaning against the wall, Sally took a deep breath and asked them softly. "Are you okay?" She was perhaps the only person who could have gotten away with asking them such a thing, but each of them knew she cared not only about the outcome of the war, but also about their individual fates, and so no one bothered telling her anything but the truth.

"It was brutal," Trowa said softly, his eyes still locked on some far distant point in space.

"Their programming has been changed," Quatre added in explanation.

"They kept coming after us no matter how hard we fought," Duo opened his eyes and pulled the straw out of his mouth with a pop.

Quatre couldn't even bring himself to look up at Sally or Duo. We only won because they ran out of dolls… but we can't possibly keep going at this pace. As it is, none of us have slept in almost 48 hours. "Fighting like that won't get us anywhere. What we really need now is a plan.

"Easier said than done," Duo replied, turning his gaze to the ceiling. "We've already made it pretty close to Libra. Too late for a plan."

"More mobile dolls will come to guard Libra," Trowa assumed. "They'll probably separate us, then attack." Just like today… but worse.

Sally moved away from the wall and took a few steps closer. They aren't soldiers in the same army – they weren't trained to fight together, but they have to learn how. "You're right. And the enemy will attack when you're most worn out."

Wu Fei's eyes snapped open, proving he'd been listening to everything they'd said so far. "That means we'll have to crush Libra before they get to us."

Quatre hid his face between his arms, his hands clasped at his forehead. No! We don't stand a chance! But what options do we have? He and Noin had tried today, but no one would listen to his pleas for them to work together and he was starting to wonder if, even in the same place and the same battle, they were all too independent to be a team. I don't want to believe that - when I still think we all have teamwork in our hearts - but after what happened today… "Howard said it's a minimum of fourteen hours before the repairs would be complete."

"Then we need to be ready to leave as soon as that time arrives," Wu Fei shot back, planting his feet firmly on the floor. "I would advise each of you to get some rest before then, or the enemy may have the advantage."

Wu Fei was out the door before Quatre could even broach the idea of coming up with a plan again and Duo rose to his feet a moment later. "I'm gonna grab a shower first and then do the same," Duo looked from Quatre's back to Trowa's back with a frown before turning and leaving the room.

We don't even have any idea how to take down Libra. Are we going to try and infiltrate? What if they attack us before we attack them? What if we aren't ready? All these thoughts whirled around in Duo's mind as he stood under the hot water until every finger and every toe was pruning, but he still couldn't come up with any answers. They would fight because they had to and it would turn out how it was going to turn out – the same as always. So why am I still so angry?

Duo knew he was supposed to be sleeping, but he ended up wandering the ship from hangar to control room to lounge to the door to Heero's room until he finally realized what was really eating away at him. It will never be a team unless it's all of us. And he'd thought it was – he'd really thought he and Heero had developed a working bond after their time at the school - a bond that had remained throughout Africa and outer space, the Lunar Base, Earth and Sanc Kingdom and Hilde and Relena… Why am I back at the same place again, wishing he would trust me enough to sit down and share the details and figure it out together? Raising one hand, he ran his teeth over his bottom lip before knocking sharply. For a long moment, there was no response, but then a soft beep-click sounded and the door slid open to reveal Heero, looking wide awake and clad in his usual black and green.

Heero had already assumed that Duo would come and find him, and shades of the confrontation at the aquarium so very long ago snapped into his mind. The defiant hurt in those stunning indigo eyes was so similar to the way the braided boy had looked that day, when he'd demanded that they work together, when he'd accused Heero of blowing him off due to the attraction between them. Thinking of how easily he now accepted the spark he'd once tried to deny only gave Heero more cause to try and diffuse what had happened earlier. He hadn't said it out loud, but the other pilots mattered to him, especially Duo. "Do you want to come in?"

Duo hadn't expected the invite, so he'd taken a deep breath, ready to vent his entire heart at the doorway if need be. As his mind registered what Heero was asking him, his balloon deflated a little and he nodded sharply, pushing past Heero and into the room. I had an entire speech prepared on my way here and now that he's standing in front of me, I can't even remember how it started. "So what was it?" he finally demanded as Heero closed the door behind them and leaned against it, crossing his arms over his chest. "What was so damn important that you couldn't fight with us today?" Duo stared hard at Heero, knowing that he didn't even care what it was as much as he cared that Heero hadn't filled him in.

If he was a cat, he'd be hissing at me. Heero let his eyes travel from Duo's damp hair to the white wife beater to the bare feet before lifting his head to meet that angry gaze. Earlier, he'd been frustrated at Duo's inability to simply trust his decision, but having had hours to compare the current Angry-Duo with the past Angry-Duo, he had come to see why his actions might have frustrated the braided boy. Not that I have any intention of apologizing for doing what I know needed to be done. Still, he knew how Duo felt about honesty and how his actions must have been perceived. But does he really think I'd abandon them to a battle without just cause? "What do you think I was doing?" he finally asked, uncertain of how to unravel the mess they'd made.

"Not being part of the team," Duo snapped back immediately, his hands on his hips now. "We could have used your…" Duo trailed off, not wanting to let on how badly the group was in need of leadership, even though he was sure it had to be obvious. His voice softened as he averted his eyes. "We needed you out there today."

"Well, it's better that you didn't get used to me being there," Heero started, then paused as Duo's head snapped up, his expression painfully stunned. "Wait! Wait, Duo – let me explain." For a moment, it looked like Duo was about to read him the riot act, but he took a deep breath and then nodded, so Heero continued. "You know this is coming to a final showdown between Zechs and Treize, yes?"

"I don't see what that has to do with anything," Duo muttered, jamming his hands into his pockets and looking at the floor.

"Duo."

"Right, right, shutting up, letting you explain."

"There may be two sets of troops, or dolls and troops, really – but Zechs is piloting Epyon. Who do you think he's really going to go after?"

"You."

"Exactly," Heero nodded, pushing himself off the door and crossing the room to sit down in the middle of the bed. "No matter how this battle goes, that part is pretty damn close to inevitable."

"So you just wanted us to get used to fighting without your help," Duo guessed, pausing as he realized that Heero was, on the first count, absolutely right about Zechs, and on the second count, not abandoning the team in all actuality. His shoulders sagging as most of the fight went out of him, he sat down beside Heero on the end of the bed with a heavy sigh. His exhaustion was beginning to catch up with him as the adrenaline of being angry wore off. "Sorry for jumping to conclusions," he muttered, pulling the end of his braid into his hand and squeezing a few drops of water from the tail, "but that still doesn't tell me what you were doing. Or was that a ruse?"

"I wouldn't lie to you, Duo," Heero said softly, reaching over to place a hand on the braided boy's knee. "I was observing the battle, working out--"

"You were coming up with a plan!" Duo turned to look at Heero in surprise, his face immediately brightening. How could I ever think he'd just leave us to die after he came and rescued me from that prison? "You knew we could handle this battle, so you were trying to prepare for the next one!"

Heero would have tried to explain further, but Duo had already flung his arms around Heero's neck and was hugging him tightly, babbling in tired half-sentences punctuated by soft chuckles of relief. He slowly slid his own arms around the other boy in return, enjoying the feeling of having Duo's warmth against him. At the angle Duo was holding him at, it was all too easy for Heero to simply tilt his head and let his lips brush over the bare skin where neck met shoulder, pleased as Duo's chatter trailed off into a shiver and a sharp intake of breath.

"Heero?" Duo murmured as he threaded one hand into the short hair at the back of Heero's neck.

The lilt in the way Duo said his name made it even harder for Heero to draw back, but he knew that time was short and all of them were running on empty. "I should let you get some rest," he said softly, wanting to feel guilty for having let himself indulge, but unable to because he'd enjoyed it so much.

"Are you crazy?" Duo shot back, curling one hand around Heero's wrist to try and keep him from pulling away. "Are you telling me to choose sleep over…over you? I'm not t-tiiiahh-rd," Duo's last word was garbled by a giant yawn and Heero reached out with both hands to shove him lightly until he fell backwards at an angle across the bed.

"I won't deny that it's tempting, Maxwell," Heero retorted, crawling up the bed beside him and hovering over the sleepy face. "But I'd rather you not pass out on me when I decide to…"

But Heero's last words were lost to the void as Duo rolled to curl up against him, already sound asleep.

o/ Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here /o

He hadn't meant to eavesdrop, if it could even be called that. He'd only been thirsty and on the way back to his room from the kitchen after retrieving some bottled water.

Instead, Trowa now found himself sitting just outside Quatre's door, listening to the disjointed fragments of what had to be an awful nightmare. He couldn't hear all of it through the door, but it had been going on for some time now, and every now and then a single word – Father! Zero… Trowa… - would pierce his ears and his heart. Quatre is so gentle and compassionate that to hear him in such anguish is awful… I wish there was something I could do to help, but I'm sure I only remind him of the things he's upset about.

Lost in thought, Trowa hadn't noticed the silence until the door suddenly slid open to reveal a rumpled Quatre, who looked down immediately, entirely startled to find Trowa camped outside. He rubbed at one eye sleepily, tilting his head in concern. "Trowa? Is something wrong?"

Trowa jumped to his feet, somewhat embarrassed to have been caught hovering and shook his head. He desperately wanted to tell Quatre how he'd overheard his nightmare, wanted to take the smaller boy in his arms and reassure him, convince him let go of his guilt, but the words wouldn't come. "I…" he stumbled, cursing himself inwardly. "…thought you might be thirsty," he finished, holding out one of the bottles in his hand. It was an obvious lie and he was surprised when Quatre didn't call him on it.

"Thank you," the blond said softly, accepting the bottle in vague confusion, wondering how Trowa had known why he was leaving his room before he'd even left it. Or is he trying to talk to me about something? "Did you need me for something?" he asked gently, leaning against the doorframe lightly.

And there he is, looking out for me again even when I know he's hurting. "No, I'm… I'm fine…" Trowa trailed off, waiting to see if Quatre would confide in him.

"Okay…" Quatre raised an eyebrow slightly as Trowa backed up another step. "See you in the morning, then…"

"Right," Trowa agreed with a nod. The door slid closed again and Trowa was left in the corridor, staring at the place where Quatre's face had just been.

o/ I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before /o

Shortly before 0800 by the ship's clock found all five Gundam pilots, plus Noin, gathering in the hangar for final preparations. Quatre felt like he hadn't slept a wink as he climbed into Sandrock, debating with himself about trying to take the lead once they were out in space. If Heero ends up fighting Zechs… will the others even listen to me? What was Trowa really trying to ask me last night? Running the final system checks, Quatre was startled when another face appeared in the open doorway of the cockpit.

"Heero!" Quatre exclaimed in surprise, stopping in mid-motion.

"I've asked Howard to install the Zero System in this suit," Heero addressed him bluntly.

Quatre felt his heart skip a beat in shock. "But why?!"

Heero watched Quatre's reaction carefully before deciding to lay out the truth. "It's a good system for leading troops into battle. Try it out."

Horrified at the suggestion, Quatre's eyes went glassy with unshed tears as he ducked his head shamefully. "I can't, Heero! I can't do it. Not the Zero System!" He looked up again, but Heero's expression hadn't changed. "I can't handle the Zero System!" he tried again, memories flashing painfully through his mind at the mere thought, "I can't handle it! I don't have what it takes! You lead us with Wing Zero!" Quatre knew his response was verging on hysterical, but the moment he thought back on the damage the Zero System had caused, not just to all of them, but to innocent colony citizens, the sicker he felt.

"Wing Zero will be fighting Epyon," Heero responded quietly and seriously, hoping he'd made the right decision. It was far too late to change it, so he'd have to give Quatre a push in the right direction. I'm just returning another favor. "But someone has to lay out a plan if we're gonna survive."

"I know that," Quatre's voice wobbled.

"You take command," Heero paused, then added one final push. "This is the way you can pay back the people in space."

Quatre drew back, a bit shocked that Heero would have the audacity to just come out and call him on the destruction of the colony during a time in which he already felt weak. "Heero…"

Ducking out of the cockpit, Heero pushed away to head towards Wing Zero. "The code's ZERO. You have to input the letters to activate the Zero System."

"Mobile dolls from Libra approaching!" Howard's voice and face appeared on the monitor. "Everyone head out!"

Quatre sat frozen in place, watching as the other Gundams prepared to leave the hangar, his hands clammy and his throat dry. "But I… How will I…?"

If I can't lead us, then we're all going to die.

Up Next: Chapter 18 - Surrender