Author's Notes: I do have a shred of hope that the sheer size of this montrous chapter makes up for the delay. With that much aside, the last month has been a bit rocky. I ended up almost accidentally acquiring a job the same week H's classes started, so trying to coordinate 2 schedules with 1 car was a bit of a nightmare. I also had to put together an entire classroom and curriculum in the space of 2 days... a week after school had already started. It's been... interesting.

This is nearly the end of the canon, but not at all the end of this story, so I hope you weren't planning on leaving me just yet.

snowdragonct: I'm most delighted by your invitation. I only live about an hour from Brattleboro as well, I think. The trees are starting to change and I'm looooving it! But I'm afraid I might have taken your permission for dropping off the face of Earth a little too literally. O:) I'm thrilled you thought the last chapter was worth the wait and I hope this one is too. teehee.

Arayelle Lynn: Welcome to the peanut box! I'm so happy you enjoyed Trowa & Quatre - I know this story is a little more focused on Heero & Duo, but there will be more T&Q in the near future!

Kaeru Shisho: Yes, I've been waiting to play with the surrender theme for so long and I'm glad you noticed. XD But even more than that, having you tell me that Heero & Duo feel real is the best - it's what I strive for, always.

roninlvr: hugs Thanks for the good wishes - the house is unpacked and I just did a little deocrating for Halloween! And don't worry, I love responding to comments. I always do it last, after the chapter is written - as a reward to myself for finishing, as a reminder of how much GW means to all of us and as an inspiration to keep going! And I'm glad you enjoyed the smut (I admit that it's not always the easiest thing for me to write!)

Shadow 3013: Hello and welcome! It's always fun to have new readers join in. I'm glad you like the story so far, and some day, if you read this far, you'll see these comments, think back to when you started, and know my appreciation.

Is this the beginning of the end... or the end of the beginning? ;)

Chapter 19 – Hands (Episodes 45 – 47)

o/ If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all OK /o

It was truly amazing – the connection between dreams and the inner psyche. Even though he couldn't remember any of the specifics of what he'd dreamed about, Quatre had woken up feeling more rested than he had in longer than he could remember. In fact, after wandering back to his room in a daze last night, he'd climbed into bed still clothed and passed out almost immediately, the sounds from the room next door mingling with the memory of Trowa's lips against his as sleep claimed him.

No nightmares.

And even though he knew it was probably completely inappropriate given their current circumstances, he couldn't help the secret little smile on his face as he made his way to the hangar, hands shoved uncharacteristically deep into his pockets. In those dreams he couldn't remember, he'd come to one deeply significant conclusion – the Zero System needed to go. And not because I can't control it or because I feel guilty using it… but if Dorothy is really acting as White Fang's primary strategist, then my own intuition is a better offense.

When the doors slid open, Quatre paused for a moment, his eyes scanning the room. He could see Duo working intently at a console in front of Deathscythe and Wing Zero's cockpit was open across the way, but there was no sign at all of Trowa where Heavy Arms stood silent, its repairs complete. Quatre hadn't even decided how he should act when he did come face to face with the other boy, but he supposed he would just respond instinctually and hope for the best.

Pushing off from the platform, he soared easily to Sandrock's cockpit, ducking quickly inside before shutting it behind him. Sitting in the familiar chair made the memories of the previous night even clearer and he found himself blushing a little, his hands fumbling as he worked to remove the program. Should I go look for Trowa? Try to talk to him? I would worry that he thinks he offended me, but…well… I did kiss him back. He flipped the switch to open the cockpit again and was startled when Duo's face appeared a moment later.

"Quatre, what are you doing?"

Smiling to himself as he pulled the program box out, he stepped out of the cockpit to greet his friend. "Disengaging the Zero System." Seeing that Heero was now standing in his own cockpit watching the two of them, Quatre inclined his head slightly as he addressed the other boy. "I don't need it anymore. Don't worry, I can still fight without it."

Duo looked from Quatre to Heero, who said nothing as he turned to climb back inside Wing. "Heero," he called out teasingly. "You've got to be careful yourself." Duo waited until the other boy looked back over his shoulder before continuing with his veiled innuendo. "You can control it now, but that doesn't change the fact that it's a dangerous system."

Heero was quite aware that Duo was just playfully baiting him and decided he'd respond with a less obvious answer. "You're right."

Reaching to scratch the back of his head, Duo's eyes widened in surprise. "I can't believe he agreed!" He must know I'm just messing with him. Duo could tell that Quatre was giving him one of those probing looks, but he was saved from questioning by Howard shouting at them from below.

"Hey, you guys! I thought I told you to leave the repairs to the mechanics! Don't forget it's your duty as pilots to rest when you can!"

"We know!" Duo called down to him before turning back to Quatre. "I'm famished, let's grab something to eat."

"Sounds good," Quatre nodded, trying to keep his expression as innocent as possible. "Hey, Heero! Want to join us?" Ah, Duo… don't think I didn't catch you twisting the end of your braid in your hands the moment I said his name. Quatre continued to watch the other two as the boys made their way towards the kitchen, but despite what he thought he'd overheard as he was falling asleep, neither of them gave any outward indication of it. So caught up in observing his companions, it took Quatre a moment to register that Trowa was already in the lounge when they stepped through the door. "Er, uh… good morn-afternoon, T-trowa!"

"Hot damn!" Duo's eyes lit up the moment he saw the stacks of sandwiches on the table and he pushed past an awkward Quatre to skid to a stop beside the taller boy. "Did you make all this? Is it what I think it is?!" He let out a boisterous laugh and punched Trowa lightly in the arm as Heero and Quatre joined them.

Trowa smiled at his friends, letting his eyes linger on Quatre just a moment longer than necessary. "This plate has strawberry, this one's grape and the third one is, of course, with bananas." Catching Heero's raised eyebrow, he shrugged a little. "Sorry, Heero, I wasn't sure how you liked your peanut butter sandwiches."

"Just like Sister Helen used to make!" Duo exclaimed before cramming half of a sandwich into his mouth and plopping down into a chair.

Though it was obvious he had missed something between the other three boys, Heero's mind was preoccupied enough that he simply walked by them into the kitchen to get a drink, turning before he went through the door to add his input from over his shoulder. "I only eat peanut butter on apples."

"What about you, Wu Fei?" Quatre asked as he took a seat, dragging his gaze away from Trowa long enough to notice that the Chinese boy was standing silently against the wall at the other end of the table watching them.

"I don't know why you need to know my taste in food."

Duo laughed, spraying crumbs onto the table as he reached for a sandwich from the second plate. "Are you even serious when it comes to peanut butter? You need to lighten up, 'Fei."

Wu Fei hmped softly, but seeing that he now had the attention of the entire group, decided it would be far less painful to simply answer the question. "I don't like peanut butter. I find it annoying when it sticks to the roof of my mouth."

This statement was met with further laughter, but Trowa kept Duo from needling Wu Fei further by changing the topic as he sat down and reached for a sandwich himself. "Now that the Gundam repairs are complete, both Howard and Sally have forbid us from doing any work around the ship, but I can't stand to be idle. I found an old chess board in the kitchen cabinets and cleaned it off."

Quatre bit his lip and ducked his head for a moment, pretending to be absorbed in the crust of his sandwich. Trowa's memory really must have returned if he remembers us playing… or is it just coincidence?

"Chess? You know how to play chess, Trowa?" Duo reached for a sandwich from the third and final plate as Heero came back into the room and sat down beside him, setting several drinks down onto the table for the group.

"I don't remember where I learned it," Trowa admitted with another shrug. "But Quatre and I played once, back when we first met…" He trailed off and waited until the blond lifted his head and they met eyes. "I know it's not a piano or a violin, but I thought it might be… fun." I know Quatre's been stressed out – hell, we've all been stressed out--

"Awesome! So you'll teach me to play?"

Catching the hesitation on Trowa's face, Quatre cut in as he stood and started to pick up the dishes. "Go ahead, Trowa. Teach him the basics while I clean up and then we can all take turns."

"I'll help you," Heero offered, the first thing he'd said since returning. Picking up the rest of the plates, he followed Quatre into the kitchen, waiting until they were alone before questioning him. "Did the Zero System give you trouble?"

Having been expecting this after their earlier exchange in the hangar, Quatre set his plates in the sink and turned to lean against the counter. "Not at all. Dropping modesty, I can tell you that I'm fairly certain I've mastered it."

"Then why remove it?"

Quatre didn't answer for a moment, studying Heero's crossed arms and blank expression that gave away nothing of his feelings and wondered why their so-called "Perfect Soldier" had so much faith in him to lead. I want to think that I don't deserve it, but after everything Trowa said to me last night… maybe I do. "You were fighting Zechs, but did you catch on to what was going on with the mobile dolls during the last battle?"

"Only enough to see that they've been re-programmed yet again."

"Yes and no," Quatre shook his head sharply. "Their programming has been changed, yes, but they're also being re-programmed constantly during battle in response to our own battle formations--"

"How is that poss – no, wait – the only way it would be possible is if someone were monitoring the battle and re-programming manually."

"Exactly."

Heero frowned, even more bothered with this news. "Then you must know who."

"It's Dorothy Catalonia."

Now, Heero's eyes widened and his arms dropped to his sides. "You're certain?" He asked, needing no proof other than Quatre's affirmative nod. "I see… and you know her tactics personally due to the time we spent at Sanc…" Quatre's actions regarding the Zero System now made more sense, but Heero was troubled by how the upcoming battle was beginning to shape itself. "But why is Dorothy, a firm supporter of Romefeller and Treize, working alongside Zechs?"

"That is a mystery I don't have an answer to," Quatre lifted his hands in the universal gesture for "I don't know" and then motioned to the door. "But unless there's something else you wanted to talk about, maybe we should…"

"I'll be along in a moment…"

Quatre was worried about the distant look in Heero's eyes, but the other boy seemed to want to be alone, so he nodded and made his way back into the lounge where Trowa and Duo were now deeply engaged in a game of chess - though it was clear that Duo was losing badly.

"You can't move that piece to that spot."

"But why?! I just don't get the knight! Why would you give a piece such a strange amount of squares?! How am I supposed to remember that?!"

Trowa chuckled softly, glancing up as Heero returned and sat down beside Duo, a drink in his hand and a troubled expression on his face. "It's a game with a certain amount of art to it, Duo."

"Are you saying I have no art in me?!"

"Not at all…" Trowa moved his own knight, knowing it would throw off the set of moves he'd watched Duo trying to plan to capture his castle, and then glanced from Heero to Quatre, wondering why they'd been gone so long. "Quatre, when do you think Peacemillion will be mobile again? Are we planning an attack of our own or waiting it out?"

"The repairs to the engine are almost done…" Quatre replied, his mind also now far from chess and centered on the upcoming battle.

"Howard is quick about getting his work done," Duo agreed as he studied the board, befuddled by Trowa's latest move. "I'll make my move quickly too."

"I wonder if it'll make up for our delays," Trowa pondered as he moved another piece to protect the castle.

Duo studied the board, mumbling to himself as Quatre looked over his shoulder. "Now what move should I make?" As he hesitated his hand over the pieces, Wu Fei stepped away from the wall, reaching to move one of the white pawns, which earned him a rather surprised look from both Duo and Trowa.

"Excellent move," Trowa complimented him. Duo had been chasing the castle around the board for the past five moves, but with one pawn, Wu Fei had effectively destroyed his escape route – a move far beyond Duo's current level of play. I shouldn't be surprised… Wu Fei has both the art and subtlety to be a chess master if he wanted. Maybe he is.

"Offense is the best defense," Wu Fei responded simply, quietly amused that he'd thrown them both off. "If you're only defensive, you limit your prospects."

"Thanks for the good tip." Maybe there's hope for him after all. Duo smiled at Wu Fei and then turned to his other side. "Heero, wanna play?" The question was met with silence, as Heero sat holding a drink, gazing absently at the wall, and Duo leaned back to look up at Quatre, wondering if he'd missed something when they'd gone to the kitchen to clean up.

"What's the matter, Heero?" Quatre asked him, wondering if he was still thinking about the Dorothy and Zechs. "Something bothering you?" But Heero didn't have the chance to answer the question before the ship's alarms started ringing, signaling an imminent attack.

Duo slapped a hand to his head with a groan. "They've beaten us to the punch!"

"Let's go!" Quatre said, holding back as the others ran out of the room to touch Heero's arm lightly. "Don't worry about Dorothy, Heero. I can handle her."

"I know you can," Heero shook his head slowly. "I'm just bothered – if Romefeller can't even be loyal to itself, who will the people follow once Zechs and Treize destroy each other?"

What the fuck?! What the FUCK?! WHAT. THE. FUCK?!

This was the sentiment repeating over and over in Duo's head as Deathsycthe raced towards Hilde's very damaged mobile suit, slashing and spinning, leaving nothing but destruction in its wake. Why?! Why now?! Why is she here?! He couldn't help but feel responsible, even though he knew he had no control over her actions – she was impulsive and irrational by nature, and as determined to defy authority now as she'd once been to uphold it. She was a goddamn fucking pain in his motherfucking ass and… And I'd never forgive myself if I let her die out here.

"Hilde! You all right?"

"Yeah, I think so…" her voice came weakly over his monitor.

"Stay back! I'll take care of these guys!"

"Duo, be careful!" she begged him.

The mobile suits following Hilde were not the standard Leo or Taurus and it took Duo a moment to properly counter their attacks. "What's going on? They're way too strong for mere mobile dolls!"

"Duo!" Hilde's voice crackled again as he narrowly evaded a direct hit. "They're programmed with data on you Gundam pilots."

"Are you sure?!" Evading without attacking, Duo watched the two suits with widening eyes. "H-Heero and Trowa?!" I'd recognize those styles anywhere… "You've got to be kidding! So this is like fighting the two of them at once! They're pretty good copies!" Time for the God of Death to live up to his name. Duo's head lowered as he gazed darkly as the screen. "But they're still just dolls! A Gundam pilot won't lose to a buncha dolls! You've met your match!" Knowing that he was on his own in this battle, Duo let himself be absorbed in the fight, reading and counter-attacking the moves of his friends that he knew so well, grateful for the time they'd now spent working as a team. "Next time, try programming my data," he muttered, closing his eyes for a moment as the power of the exploding suits rocked Deathscythe, before returning to Hilde's side.

"Hilde! Hey, Hilde! Come in! Hey! Hilde!" Duo called to her again and again before her face appeared on his monitor, blurred with the crackling from the damage on her end.

"D-Duo… I'm glad you're safe."

"Yeah, but you're in terrible shape!" He lectured her as he watched the progress of the other Gundams on his monitors. The rest of the dolls were nearly all destroyed and Heero was already on his way to assist – Duo had to keep Hilde conscious as long as he could. "What did you come all the way here for?!"

Hilde was obviously in pain, winching and clutching her arm as she dug to pull out the precious disc. "I brought you this data on Libra. I want you to use it."

Duo stared at her incredulously, anger rising up in him. This needs to end. Zechs. Treize. This has to end… because I can't stand watching people get hurt anymore, civilians, soldiers, men, women or children… no one should have to live in this kind of chaos. No one should have to grow up the way I did or live the life I'm living. Images of smoke and rubble, the smell of smoke and charred flesh… memories dizzied Duo's mind and he shook his head to clear it. "But…why… why'd you risk your life?"

"Because… I just… I wanted to."

Turning his face away, Duo bit his lip hard with a frustrated noise of disgust. "You stupid fool!" Brave fool…

Hilde chuckled softly, knowing that Duo would never believe her if she told him the truth – told him that he was her inspiration, her hero, the one she wanted to be like… "I figured you'd say something like that." Oh Duo, I just… wanted you to look at me with admiration for once… "You can yell at me all you want, Duo… but I wouldn't go back and change a thing. I believe in you, just like Relena…and… and Heero… I met Relena on Libra and… now I know, I know I'm not the only one who believes in you guys and I… I don't care if you're pissed at me…"

"Yeah, well… it was a pretty damn reckless thing to do," he muttered, turning back to the monitor expecting to hear another retort, and alarmed when he was met with nothing but the crackling of the monitor as Hilde slumped over in her seat. "Hilde! Hilde, wake up!" The beep on his monitor told him that Heero was in range and he turned toward the image, momentarily speechless.

"Duo!" Heero took one look at the stricken expression on Duo's face and feared the worst.

"She's alive, but – Heero – we need to--"

"Calm down, Duo," Heero said sternly, watching as Duo reached to push his bangs out of his face with a shaking hand. "Let's get her back to Peacemillion so that Sally can help her."

Working together, Deathscythe and Wing Zero managed to tow the remnants of Hilde's mobile suit to the hangar. Duo had hardly set Deathscythe down before he was leaping out of the cockpit and racing towards the broken mess. Sally had a hospital bed waiting for them and she held it steady as Duo carried Hilde's unconscious body from the wreckage and laid her gently on it.

"She was talking to me, right up until the end…"

"They didn't hit any vital points on her suit, Duo… so I think she's going to be okay," Sally said gently. "But if you want to come with me…"

Duo nodded slowly as Quatre came to stand just behind him, silently offering his support. Heero was already leaning against a nearby window and Wu Fei and Trowa weren't far behind. "I… in a moment…" he finally mumbled, watching silently as Hilde was wheeled away.

"We can't let the data she brought us go to waste," Quatre said softly as he took a few steps towards Duo.

"Right…" Lowering his head, Duo closed his eyes for a moment before glancing over at Heero. "Heero…" Duo waited until Heero met his gaze, knowing that his best friend would want to know every piece of information about the situation. "Relena Peacecraft's on Libra."

"Relena?" Heero straightened in surprise, taking a step towards Duo as the braided boy held out the disc he'd taken from Hilde's limp hand a few minutes ago.

"Yeah… Hilde said she met her there."

"Relena…" Heero frowned as he accepted the disc and inclined his head towards the door through which Sally had just departed. "Go on. I'll take a look at the disc."

Heero's eyes stayed trained on Duo until the last swish of his braid disappeared through the door and then he turned to see that all of the other pilots were staring at him. For a moment, he wondered if any of them had figured out that there was something less than platonic between him and Duo, but then he decided he didn't give a shit what they thought as long as they stayed out of his business. "I'm going to analyze this disc. I'll let you know if there's any relevant information."

Inside Wing Zero, Heero inserted the disc and waited until it pulled up Libra's schematics, thinking about the events of the past few days. For so long, he'd been consumed by the war… first, his own guilt, later, the mission, and finally, his own moral compass… but in the past few days, he'd begun to think about life beyond the war. Not necessarily his own life – because he still had trouble seeing in, believing in, a life for himself beyond the next fight – but the life of Earth and the Colonies to follow. There's no telling who will win or even how clearly defined the sides fighting are… I wonder if this is even a war between Earth and the Colonies… or the clashing of ideals between two obstinate men… and one girl caught in between.

"Relena…" Heero murmured, thinking of Duo's earlier words. If she was really on Libra, then she was in a ridiculous amount of danger. The only possible fates awaiting that colossal battleship were total destruction, or, if Zechs had his way, ramming it into the Earth – which would also result in total destruction. Treize's force was infinitely larger, despite the battleship, but on the small possibility that he lost to Zechs in battle, Libra still needed to be put permanently out of commission. What was the bigger threat - Zechs or his ship? I can't be in two places at once…

Heero growled to himself as he jumped down from Wing Zero's cockpit and stalked across the hangar looking for other bits of wreckage from the most recent fight. Sally had insisted on taking in survivors from the last manned assault that had damaged Peacemillion and the barely functioning ships might be just the thing he needed to covertly gain entrance to Libra. It will take me several hours to repair any of these shuttles enough to fly them, and then I need to make sure that Zero is in perfect condition.

"Heero? I thought Howard forbid all of you--"

"You didn't see me in here." Heero turned from the open panel of jumbled wires that he was untangling to glance over his shoulder as Noin came walking across the hangar. Nosy Noin… I know you mean well, but…

"What are you doing?"

"It's better if you don't know," he replied, turning away and hoping she would just let it go. There was a long moment of silence as he resumed twisting and turning the bundle of wires and then she spoke again.

"I heard from Quatre… about Relena…" She trailed off, watching him work and wondering if he was already planning something close to what she wanted to ask of him. "Listen, Heero… I'm finished with trying to defend Zechs. I know that nothing he or Treize is doing is right – but Relena doesn't deserve to be punished for that."

"Hand me the pliers from that box of tools – the one with the blue handle."

Seeing that he hadn't ordered her to leave, Noin reached down to grab them and placed them in his outstretched hand before leaning against the side of the shuttle, eyes focused on some distant point. "Maybe total pacifism is only an idealist's view, but I've been thinking… if this battle doesn't destroy the Earth and everyone on it…"

"Now a connector, the one with three prongs."

"The people… they won't know who to trust after this – they won't trust OZ, Romefeller, White Fang, no matter who wins…and I worry…" Noin paused as she handed him the tiny part, but Heero didn't acknowledge anything she'd said. She knew she didn't need to elaborate – someone as intelligent as Heero would understand completely the political chaos, the economic crash, the widespread paranoia and mistrust. It's the same as the old fables – as soon as the villain is defeated, the allies all turn on each other, unless there's someone to lead them, someone they believe in, someone like Relena, who's already been a positive figure in the eyes of the public.

Heero was all too aware of what she was heavily implying, but that didn't mean he was going to stand here and promise to bring Relena back alive. Heero didn't make promises he couldn't keep – he rarely made them at all – even if the thing she wanted him to promise was part of what he was aiming for in the first place. "Worry is wasteful and useless," he finally told Noin, brushing his hands off on his shorts. "If we panic about tomorrow, then we're not paying enough attention to today. And I have a hell of a lot that needs to be finished today."

Noin couldn't help but crack a smile at Heero's frank honesty and even though she wondered at his single-minded dedication to restoring peace, she didn't dare ask him where it came from. She'd made up her mind a long time ago to put her faith in the Gundam pilots and that faith had not failed her yet. "I'll leave you to it," she said softly, taking a few steps away. "But don't wear yourself out completely – we'll definitely still need you tomorrow."

Heero raised an eyebrow as she turned to walk away, hesitating a moment before calling out to her. "I'll try to remember."

o/ And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these /o

o/ I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair /o

"So, uh… " Duo started lamely. "Sally claims that you're going to be fine, once you wake up…" He paused, glancing at Hilde's serene face before returning his gaze to the handle of a cabinet on the far side of the room. "She said it would help if I… if I talked to you. But… I don't know what to talk about…"

This feels really strange…

Leaning forward in his chair, he waved one hand in front of Hilde's closed eyes, but she didn't respond. The heart monitor beeped relentlessly, like the metronome that the church choir had practiced to, and the sound alternately made Duo sleepy or jarred him out of his thoughts. Sliding one hand across the stiff white sheets, he slowly curled his fingers around Hilde's hand and squeezed.

Still nothing.

"I…" Duo started again, his voice cracking on the single syllable. "I feel like if I started talking, I might not stop. I feel like… if I started thinking, feeling, anything beyond the very moment I'm living in… that it would all fall apart. Heh heh… I know, I know, I'm being melodramatic again. I tried not to be, for you… tried to be cheerful and upbeat… tried to pretend like nothing was wrong, like everything would be okay… even though I knew that you knew I was full of shit. But it was good, pretending… it gave me some time to think. So… so thank you for that, for letting me stay with you."

Letting go of Hilde's hand for a moment, Duo wiped his sweaty palm on the leg of his flight suit before standing up and walking around the bed to peer out of the single tiny window. From the angle the ship was at, he couldn't see anything but stars. "Do you know what I realized today, Hilde? When I was out there trying to keep us from getting killed? I realized that I've changed. I know, that probably doesn't mean much to you, because we haven't known each other that long, known each other that well… you wouldn't even know, looking at me, that I've changed. So I guess what I mean is… I suddenly… I suddenly realized that I'm not the same kid I was when this whole mess started, but I don't know when I changed. I'm a different me than yesterday, a different me than I'll be tomorrow, if I live that long. Maybe I've been changing every single day, so gradually that I didn't even notice it until I stopped to look back." Duo paused again, reaching with one hand to splay his fingers on the glass of the window, icy cold underneath his equally cold fingertips.

"I hate looking back. I've always been an eyes to the future kind of guy… maybe that's why you and I got on so well, working at the scrap yard. I could tell that you didn't want to look back either – but if we never look back, never appreciate all the things that shaped us… oh hell, what do I know? Sometimes I don't think I know anything at all."

That's an excuse…

"I realized that… that I don't want to do this anymore. Even though OZ destroyed Maxwell Church, even though they took away everything that was important to me… it's so convoluted now that… I'm fighting on the same side as Treize." Duo chuckled bitterly at that, snatching his hand away from the window as if space had leaked through the glass to burn it. "There are other things that are important to me now… other things I'm fighting for besides revenge… other things that I… that I want to live for now. Other people…"

The beeping on the monitor quickened for a moment and Duo whirled around to look at Hilde, but she was still sleeping in the same position and he wondered if he had only imagined it. I've wondered a few times today if I only imagined last night too… Smiling a little at the memory, Duo came around the bed, returning to his chair and reaching out for Hilde's hand again. It was getting easier and easier to talk, easier to let his guard down when he didn't think anyone could hear him. "Sometimes I dream about living on Earth… but I never had much of a childhood, growing up on the streets, so it's kinda hard to imagine. But I like to think about laying on a grassy hill, watching the clouds, the sun beating down… it's unreal, Hilde, the sunshine on Earth – daybreak, twilight, sunset. I think maybe the only thing better is the ocean – it just seems to go on forever. When Heero and I were hiding out at that school, all I ever wanted to do was skip class and go stand on the overlook, watch the waves crashing onto the shore…but Heero he kept telling me that missing class and getting detention would be blowing our cover."

Duo laughed softly and leaned forward, pillowing his head on his arm and closing his eyes. "Those were some of the best days of my life… and I hate thinking that… that maybe I'll never have another one like them, another day of sunshine and laughter and not feeling lonely all the time…"

"You will…"

Duo's head shot up and he scooted back in his chair so quickly that he almost fell out of it. "H-Hilde! You're awake!" He paused, his cheeks flushing sharply as she smiled weakly. "How long have you…"

"Long enough…" she whispered, a hint of wistfulness in her voice. "Thanks…not just for saving my ass, but for not letting me wake up alone."

Duo was still a bit stricken at the thought that she had overheard any of what he had rambled about, but he nodded awkwardly. "Well, it's not like I don't care…"

"I know…" she reached a hand up to shakily brush her hair out of her eyes. "How long have I been out?"

"Since you passed out on me still inside your suit?" he teased with a wry smile, loosening up a little. If she's not going to needle me about anything I said… "Close to 9 hours now."

"And you've been here the whole time?" Hilde's eyes filled with tears and she blinked rapidly, turning her face away. "You are a good friend, Duo Maxwell…" she murmured softly. "But I know the job you have to do still, so you better get your ass out of here and get some rest."

"Hmph. Still feisty even after a near death experience?"

"Oooo-ouch," Hilde chuckled, wincing a little. "Don't make me laugh! And I wasn't gonna die on you. Go on, go put my foolishness to good use…"

Duo smiled, rising from his chair and looking down at her warmly. "I'd be a hypocrite if I scolded you for being reckless." He leaned down to kiss her forehead lightly and then turned to leave, pausing only when she said his name.

"Duo?"

"Hilde?" He looked back, one foot out the door, and tilted his head in concern.

"I'm sorry for what I said about you and White Fang… and I want you to know that… you're already a hero in my eyes."

The self-proclaimed God of Death froze for a moment, having not expected that comment at all, and then his face broke into a huge grin. "I won't let you down."

After leaving Hilde, Duo wandered the corridors of Peacemillion and thought about the things he'd admitted when he thought no one was listening. It was entirely true that some of the best days of his life had been spent at the school sharing a dorm with Heero, going to classes with Heero, eating lunch with Heero… Waking up in the same room or even the same bed as Heero wasn't that strange of an experience after their time at the school, so he hadn't even thought about it too hard when he'd woken up this morning. They'd simply gotten dressed and made their way to the hangar with the knowledge that there was work to be done.

Okay, so maybe we didn't exactly jump out of bed immediately… maybe there was some kissing involved… It had all felt so completely natural, a second-skin, that it was only after his commentary to Hilde that he felt himself wondering how long such a thing could last in his cursed life. Even if they didn't die tomorrow, even if they lived through the war… there was absolutely nothing concrete holding Heero to him. There was no reason to think that they'd continue on this way once there was peace… or was there? Of course, he'd always thought of Heero as a partner, a friend and confidant, a best friend, a lover, even… but had Duo ever told him anything of the sort? He didn't even know how to begin a conversation about such a topic – as comfortable as they were together, the idea of trying to talk about it –

"Security activated. Please identify yourself."

Duo stopped short at the door to Heero's room and gaped in confusion. Had Heero locked him out? I didn't even think these doors had security, but then… they do have locks… Heero's just usually awake when I've come in, or we've come in together… "Uh…" he started, staring at the door and reaching up nervously to scratch the back of his braid with one hand.

"I'm sorry, but I don't recognize 'Uh'. Please state your name."

"Duo Maxwell," he blurted out reflexively, stepping back a bit when the door suddenly slid open.

"Access granted."

The light from the corridor behind him spilled into the darkened room, and for a moment, Duo couldn't see anything at all. Walking inside, the door hissed closed behind him and he gave his eyes a moment to adjust as he started to strip out of his flight suit. If Heero was asleep, Duo certainly didn't want to wake him, so he crept towards the bed at a snail's pace, old silent-but-deadly thievery skills engaging. It wasn't until he was standing at the edge of the bed that he could make out the shape of his lover, flat on his back, shirtless and eyes closed, breathing even. His own breath caught in his throat and for a long time, he simply stood and watched the other boy sleep.

He set the security to let me in… no matter the hour.

Inch by inch, Duo crawled slowly into the bed, sliding underneath the blanket until he could feel the warmth of Heero's bare skin creeping into his own. The moment he laid his head on Heero's shoulder, the other boy's arm came up around his shoulders, pulling him in tight, and Duo's heart constricted. The braided boy was almost certain he could put a name to this feeling, but he was too fucking terrified to even try.

It was 4 AM by the ship's chronometer and instead of the cold glow of stars through the viewport, Heero tried to imagine the way real pre-dawn light would look creeping in the window to highlight Duo's sleeping face. His chestnut hair was still braided, but horribly messy, and he was rolled towards the center of the bed, sheets tangled around his legs, his hands gently outstretched into the empty, slightly warm space where Heero had slept until only a few minutes ago.

The fact that he had been standing here staring at Duo for almost 7 minutes now felt distinctly uncomfortable to him. Everything was ready for his departure – he'd seen to that before falling into an uneasy slumber last night. Why? Why was it uneasy? Because he wasn't here? And still, he hadn't budged from this spot, hadn't so much as moved a muscle, even though he was now more than 8 minutes behind his mentally scheduled plan.

Why? Why is it that he's always at fault for the change in my plans?

Slowly, softly, Heero set one knee onto the bed, leaning forward to brush a lock of hair from Duo's face.

Why is it so hard to leave?

Yes, he'd felt bad leaving Duo behind on the colony when he'd gone to the Lunar Base. But it was the mission. It was what needed to be done. Despite the fact that he'd delayed it long enough to rescue Duo first. And now here he was, delaying again – 11 minutes now - and perhaps with the stakes even higher than ever before. Pulling his hand back suddenly, Heero moved off of the bed and backed up step by step until he'd backed himself straight out of the room. Breathing a heavy sigh, he leaned against the wall for a moment to admonish himself.

It wasn't so long ago that Duo vowed to never let what's between us get in the way of the mission…

Heero could hardly begin to admit to himself that perhaps he was the one who ought to have been promising it. The thought left him unsettled as he walked to the hangar and readied his shuttle for take-off.

o/ I'll gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear /o

"A war with no civility only gives rise to massacres... that's why past wars on Earth were so tragic."

Duo generally always knew when he was dreaming and this time was no exception.

Dreams tended to seem like watercolor paintings, blurred at the edges, and in this one, he was standing in an alcove, an arch – a funny, flowery smell – and the sound of gunshots –

Duo woke with a start, reaching out automatically only to find himself grasping air.

"Heero?" he whispered, then again, a little louder. "Heero?" Stumbling over his feet, which were twisted up in the sheets, Duo climbed out of bed to reach for the light switch. He flipped it on, only to confirm that he was alone in the room. A note of panic rising in his chest, he unraveled the sheets and reached for his clothes, pulling them on quickly as he glanced in the mirror. His hair looked like a bird's nest, but it would have to wait.

In the lounge, Quatre was sitting on a chair beside the long red couch, a drink in his hand as he listened to Trowa read out the latest specs on Treize's growing fleet of mobile suits and ships. He felt Duo's presence a heartbeat before the doors slid open and yet was still surprised at the depth of the flustered look on his friend's face.

Duo was about ready to burst, but seeing the curious look on Quatre's face, he reeled himself in, muttering loudly. "Man, where in the world has Heero gone?"

"Out on the virgo carrier we recovered," Trowa answered simply, glancing up from the report. "You know where he's headed."

Bringing his left hand up to his head in an exasperated gesture, Duo walked towards them until he was standing just behind Quatre's chair. "But how come he left Wing Zero behind? Is he gonna have a fist fight with Zechs?" He could have at least woken me up to say goodbye… But then, Duo knew very well that Heero hated goodbyes almost as much as he did and that it wouldn't have been a goodbye because he would've insisted on tagging along. Is it possible Heero just knows me that well by now?

Perplexed by Duo's anxiety over Heero, Wu Fei walked in from the dining area, still counting reps in his head for the arm strengthening exercises he was working on. "Knowing him, he'll fight any way he can."

Quatre was more amused by Duo's agitation than he felt he should be, but it was the first true sign he'd seen of the deeper connection between them that he was certain was there. He smiled a little, goading his friend to see if he'd actually spill the truth to them. "I'm pretty sure that's not the only reason he went."

"Wait a minute," Duo started, the pitch of his voice rising a little as he gripped the back of Quatre's chair with knuckle-whitening strength. "You mean he went there to save that gal?"

"Yes," Quatre responded, biting the inside of his cheek and hoping his smile would hold back his amusement.

"In that case, I was giving him too much credit," Wu Fei shook his head with a sigh. "I had him figured as the sanest guy among us."

Trowa had watched the entire exchange with interest, nothing both Duo's anxiety and Quatre's barely concealed humor and wondered if he was missing something. It had been very clear to him, since the time he and Heero had road-tripped across Europe seeking out extended members of the Noventa family, that Heero had no interest in Relena, at least, on a sexual level. He'd spoken about her briefly and Trowa knew they'd become at least nominal friends while Heero and Quatre stayed at Sanc, but it was only her position in the web of political chaos that gave her any importance in Heero's eyes. Not that such a thing has any relevance on how sane he is. "Not quite," Trowa answered Wu Fei with a shrug. "But it just goes to show how powerful that girl is to be able to influence a guy like Heero."

"Hmph," Wu Fei muttered. To him, women were nothing but trouble, especially women who were not only weak, but purposefully put themselves in harm's way.

Lowering the report, Trowa turned to look at Wu Fei, his eyes narrowing slightly. "Wu Fei, if Heero does bring Relena back, at least welcome her here. It's easy to hurt a woman's feelings." Wu Fei didn't respond verbally, but his expression became even more disgruntled.

Duo hadn't paid a word of attention to their exchange, sitting down next to Quatre and leaning in conspiratorially. "Hey, Quatre… if we're going after him, shouldn't we hurry?"

Blinking in surprise, Quatre turned to look at Duo. "This isn't the time to decrease Peacemillion's defense…" Catching the disappointed exhale, he leaned in a little too, lowering his voice. "Besides, let's leave the two of them alone."

What in the hell is that supposed to mean? Why is this girl so important anyway? Duo's eyes widened in something close to horror and he jumped up immediately, glancing quickly to see that everyone's eyes were on him. "You guys really trust Heero?" he started, realizing immediately how defensive he sounded. "He makes mistakes too, you know," he added lamely. There was dead silence from the three other pilots, and both embarrassed and annoyed, Duo turned and stalked out of the room.

"Oops…" Quatre murmured as he watched his friend go and both Trowa and Wu Fei turned to regard him in surprise, having missed part of their exchange. "Let me go talk to him…" he mumbled, setting down his drink as he jumped up to chase after the braided pilot. Duo hadn't gone far at all, but when he heard the door slide open again, he turned and started to walk away. "Duo!"

Trying to compose his conflicted feelings, Duo turned slowly, jamming his hands into his pockets. "Quatre?" he tried to sound amiable, but it came out cooler than he'd intended.

Taking a few steps closer, Quatre nodded ahead of them, thinking it was better to be out of earshot of their friends. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have goaded you like that – I was just curious."

"I don't know what that was about," Duo muttered, his eyes focused on the floor as they walked side by side down the corridor. "And I don't know what you're talking about – I just wanted to know where Heero was and… and now I do."

Quatre couldn't hold back the smile and he reached out to grab Duo's wrist, stopping the other boy mid-step. "You don't need to blow me off, Duo, remember? I know you don't lie, but I can tell when you're not sharing the whole truth."

Duo's cheeks flushed a little and he lifted his head to eye Quatre suspiciously. "About what?"

"Duooo…" Quatre intoned, unable to help either the eye roll or the smirk. "The other night. You and Heero. I, well… overheard some things, through the wall…" The pink spots on Duo's cheeks grew until his entire face was flaming and he gaped at Quatre, unsure of what to say. "I didn't mean to worry you – I don't think there's anything going on between Heero and Relena, honestly. And I don't think there's anything wrong with what's going on between you and Heero, whatever it may be, not that you need my approval or anything. Just, if you… if you needed to talk to someone." Quatre trailed off, starting to share in some of the awkwardness radiating off of Duo. I just want us to be able to talk openly again, the way we did in Africa…

"Ah, right…" Duo tugged his hand free of Quatre's grip and shoved them both back into his pockets, scuffing the toe of his boot along the floor. So he's finally got his head out of his ass about the whole debacle with Trowa and Wing Zero? "I was just… surprised that he was already gone when I woke up. But, it's not like… not like either of us tells the other what to do or anything." Even though I sound ridiculous, why does it feel so easy to tell it to Quatre? "I guess you could say we're close…" he smiled enigmatically and shrugged a little. "But it's not really common knowledge?"

"I won't say anything to anyone, I promise," Quatre nodded, a little more serious now. Duo hadn't exactly confirmed what Quatre had over-heard, but Quatre hoped his friend knew the offer of an ear or a shoulder was always open. Maybe if I open up to him first… but isn't that what I tried to do, when we first met up again? Quatre tried to recall how that conversation had gone, but he'd still been so wound up after reuniting with an amnesiac Trowa that the memories were blurry. How much did I even try to ask what Duo had been doing? Or did I simply chew his ear off…and only ask once I was done spilling my soul? He glanced at Duo again, but the braided boy's eyes were unfocused and his expression very neutral, giving away little.

"I'm not angry at you," Duo said suddenly, stopping to face Quatre with one quirked eyebrow as he realized the other pilot was studying him intently again. "If you're worried about me, or about our friendship," he shook his head. "Don't be. I just… I know you have a lot of burdens and I don't want to add to them."

"You are no burden to me, Duo!" Quatre exclaimed in surprise, reaching out a hand to touch the other boy's shoulder. "But I admit that you hit that nail on the head and… and I've tried so hard not to be a burden to anyone that my very efforts became a burden, didn't they?"

A much easier smile crept onto Duo's face as he lifted one hand to Quatre's shoulder in a mirror of the blond's gesture. "You are no burden to me, Quatre!"

With Quatre meeting Duo's grin, the two boys laughed a little at the similarity in their dramatic and emotional natures.

"I think we're both aware that Heero's always gone off on his own when there was something he needed to do," Quatre started thoughtfully, pausing as they reached the entrance to the hangar. Wing Zero stood silently among the other Gundams - waiting, as they all were – for the battle to begin. The awkwardness between them seemed suddenly dissipated.

"I sense a but…" Duo folded his arms against the top of the railing and gazed at the room of mobile suits.

"He's never failed to return, either."

o/ We will fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing /o

Heero was already starting to wonder if he'd made the right decision in taking Relena with him. Even more than the other pilots, having a civilian with him at a time like this was an intense liability – especially a civilian who seemed to have an opinion about everything. Not to mention, she doesn't know how to keep her mouth shut… He was only partially listening to what she was saying as he plugged Hilde's disc into the computer and started typing.

"What are you doing?" Relena glanced first at the screen, then at Heero.

"Her name was Hilde – she brought this data to Libra. It's coming in handy…" Libra was intensely large, but there were really only a few logical places that Zechs would be at a time like this. "He's not on the bridge now."

"You're looking for my brother?"

Heero resisted the urge to roll his eyes. What does she think I'm here for? A tea party? We're in the middle of a war and yet she still thinks she can stop this with kind words... "There are only a few places he could be."

Relena smiled for a moment as she watched him, but her expression grew sad as she turned to lean against the console. He just has no idea how much his character affects everyone around him – inspires them to be better than they are. "Heero, you really are amazing…"

Flinching slightly, Heero didn't look away from the screen as he continued to search. "Look who's talking…" he murmured, thinking of how he'd decided to come and rescue her before Noin had even implied the idea to him. I wouldn't have risked it for any ordinary civilian, though… so why did it feel like the right thing to do?

"Nonsense. You've given me the hope and strength to live." Her eyes shifted to outline the profile of his face, admiration swelling up in her. "I'm sure you make others feel the same."

She says things, unexpected things, and they dig into you. Why is that? Is this part of the power she holds in this whole mess? Could she really change Zech's mind? She claims that I am the one affecting her, but I begin to wonder if the same isn't true in reverse. Heero paused in his typing as a location finally connected and glanced up at her. "Don't make me repeat myself. I'm nothing compared to you." Standing up, he broke their eye contact and moved towards the door. When this is all over, when it fades into the history books… I'll be another nameless crusader and she'll be the Once was Queen of the World.

"I just…" she started, reaching one hand after him, sensing the turbulent emotions but having no idea how to get him to open up to her.

"Come on. I found Zechs."

"Heero, I don't know why you think so little of yourself!" she exclaimed as the door slid open and she followed him back into the hallway. "You've saved my life more than once already, and even if you hadn't done that, I--"

Before she could even finish the statement, Heero had her pinned up against the wall with one arm and he shook his head slowly. "Ssh…"

Relena nodded, her cheeks coloring pink, and Heero released her. It's no wonder he acts like I'm annoying… I don't even think to be quiet when we're sneaking around a ship full of people who want him dead.

With his gun now drawn, Heero led them quietly through several corridors, but it seemed that a large majority of Libra's crew was preparing for battle and were not anywhere near this area of the ship. It seemed awfully suspicious to Heero as he punched the code into the computer to open the door to where the maps had insisted Zechs currently was. Why would Zechs be here right now? The tiny darkened hallway gave way into a much larger room and he blinked, holding his gun level, as the lights came up to reveal Zechs, sitting in a chair behind a large rectangular desk.

"I see you made it."

"Brother!" Relena moved towards him immediately without an ounce of fear.

"Relena. I thought you and I were done talking."

"No, we're far from finished," she insisted, her voice rising a little.

Zechs folded his hands in front of him, his elbows resting on the desk. "I have no intention of changing my mind," he replied evenly, watching the shock on his dear sister's face as an enormous screen blinked to life behind him, showing the ever-growing mass of troops on and around MO-2. "You can see how far Treize has gone. Libra will have to face this enormous military force."

"Stop this at once; it's totally meaningless!" she exclaimed, clasping her hands in front of her.

"This is NOT meaningless!" Zechs bellowed authoritatively. "Even if it does disgrace future generations, the battle itself has plenty of meaning to it!"

"Brother…" Relena started again, stubborn even though the situation seemed near hopeless.

Even her golden words can't sway him… Having had enough of their banter, Heero stepped around Relena and raised his gun again. "Zechs. I don't know what's between you and Treize, but stop getting others involved." Did Zechs ever want peace? Switching his support from OZ to White Fang, to what ideal does he even hold allegiance?

"This battle must involve a great deal of people," Zechs gave a small and eerie smile. "Because it's a problem for all humanity."

"Is that how an Earthling like yourself became chief representative of the colonies?" This is nearly as fruitless as the conversation I once had with Treize.

"The colonies gave in to their will to fight, armed themselves and selected me to lead them. If you're having problems with that…" Zechs stood up, letting his imposing figure be as much a challenge as his words. "You're from the colonies. You lead the White Fang!" Heero's eyes narrowed and Zechs realized he'd hit a sore point. "Otherwise, you could always team up with me."

Heero's hand tightened on the gun and he clenched his teeth for a moment, trying to reel in his temper. "Us team up?" It was just like Zechs to try and strike a low blow, try to make Heero feel as if he wasn't even doing what he set out to accomplish – defend the colonies. But I am no fool and I came to peace with my position in this a long time ago. There is no mission. There are no sides. There are only obstacles to peace, Zechs – and in my eyes, you are the last one left, no matter who you claim to be fighting for. "Figures you'd say something like that."

"Is that your answer?"

"How about explaining what you meant when you said this battle has meaning?"

Zechs had been waiting for Heero to ask the question, knowing that Relena never would. She was the idealist and she would never believe there was a reason to fight – but Heero, the infallible soldier – he might actually listen to his reasoning, maybe even understand it… "Unless we fight, no one will learn how foolish fighting is! We must make all of mankind realize that!" We must… I must… so that no one ever has to live through the things we have. So that no one has to watch their family murdered, their kingdom leveled, their people scattered…

"Why'd you take on the job?" Heero's gun was still aimed at Zech's head, their eyes were locked - but he couldn't pull the trigger. Not without knowing the truth, not without being able to understand why someone he'd respected, back in Antarctica, could steer so far down a path Heero himself could never envision taking.

"Heero Yuy, former leader of the colonies… and King Peacecraft of the Sanc Kingdom… together tried to promote total pacifism," Zechs started, watching Heero's face intently. Yes, Yuy, we are the incarnation of destiny in a strange and twisted fashion. "One in space and the other on Earth." No matter which side we represent, the yin to the yang.

"Our father did?!" Relena cut in, glancing from her brother to the boy with the famous name. I never knew they were allies. How sad the way we stand here now facing off…

"I'm just carrying out my father's ideals," Zechs finished quietly, but there was no joy or pride in his words.

"Our father's ideals?!" Relena tried to step around Heero again, incensed. "Are you trying to say that this pathetic war will lead us to Sanc Kingdom's total pacifism?!"

"That's right."

"You're mistaken!" she shouted at him. "Peace isn't something that one achieves through a war!"

Zechs smiled as he let the statement ring in his ears – the ideal that he wished every human being to embrace. "That's perfect. That's just how you should be." And I will be their sacrificial lamb.

Relena drew a breath of surprise as Heero lowered his gun. "I understand…" It's the same thing Noin said to me. When this ends, the people will not know who to trust. But Relena's familiar voice calling out to them – Peace, not war! It's exactly as Zechs wants it and exactly what Noin had already deduced. She's already figured out why he chose this path. Heero turned to look at Relena, who glanced over her shoulder at him, confused and upset. "That should be enough. Your role in this is over."

Heero didn't know how to feel because he knew now that Zechs had planned the end of this, right down to the last detail – right down to gambling on the fact that Heero Yuy would pay him a visit before all was said and done. He chose me as his ally, whether I knew it or not. And I've got to get Relena out of here so that the cornerstone of Zechs' plan doesn't fail, because it's far too late for any of us to turn back. It's so late that this conversation shouldn't even be happening… And then he realized why it had seemed so suspicious to him – Zechs wasn't really here.

"Heero…?!" Why? Why is he backing down now?

"Relena…" Zechs said softly, waiting until she turned to look back at him, on the verge of tears. "I hope you survive this. Good-bye, my little sister."

"Brother!" Relena exclaimed as the entire image vanished. "It was a hologram?! Heero!"

o/ In the end only kindness matters… /o

Heero let Relena chase him through the ship as he stewed about Zechs' final words. He hated being a pawn in Zechs' scheme and he wasn't going to sit idly by, rescuing Relena, and doing nothing to stop the destruction. The point has already been made, Zechs… why do you need to use Libra to obliterate Earth? I won't let it happen. But I wonder… is that also part of his plan?

"Heero!" Relena hissed behind him, beginning to get annoyed with him. "Can't you slow down?!"

But I can't take out Libra yet, not when the troops haven't deployed. Ducking into a storage area, Heero grabbed Relena by the arm and pulled her gently behind him. "We'll have to wait," he muttered, taking a seat on a crate. Crossing his arms over his chest, he leaned back against the wall and started to consider alterations to his original plan.

"Heero…" Relena started again, glancing around anxiously and wondering why they were stopping.

"I'm staying here until this battle's over."

"Pardon?" she raised an eyebrow, turning back to look at his closed eyes in curiosity.

"It'd be hard for Treize to destroy Libra right now. So, when the time comes, I'll do it myself." Can't she see that the battleship is an obvious threat to everyone?

"I think we have to stop this battle," she insisted, throwing her hands out in front of her for emphasis and completely missing Heero's point. "Dictators are the only ones who think lives must be sacrificed to achieve peace!"

"But Zechs and Treize are ready to sacrifice their own lives. That's why I have no intention of stopping them."

"But!"

I hope your idealism will lead everyone into a new age, Relena… but right now, it would only get in the way. It was just the same as when he had helped Noin convince her to allow Sanc to keep a defense force. It was a wonderful goal to wish for total pacifism, but it wasn't a reality in the current situation. She needed to accept that and realize that her chance would only come when the worst was ended. "You stay here with me!" he finally snapped at her, opening his eyes.

"What?" she murmured in surprise, pausing for a moment to consider his words. "You're going to protect me, Heero?"

Missing the point again. Heero closed his eyes and let his head dip a little. "I don't want to feel I owe Zechs something when we end up fighting." If Treize doesn't take him out, I know it's going to have to be me. He won't let it go any other way.

Relena seemed oddly pleased with his answer and sat down beside him with a smile. "If this battleship really does go down, there wouldn't be a reason left for you to fight him."

Heero said nothing, only continued to calculate possibilities in his head. Libra was the true threat – Zechs being only one man – but Heero didn't think it was likely that Treize's force would be able to get close enough. In fact, the only thing currently in space with enough durability and firepower to get close enough was… "Shit…" he muttered, his eyes snapping open as he jumped up.

"Heero? What--"

Relena's question was drowned out by the ship's alarms going off, signaling the start of the battle, and Libra's engines engaging, moving the ship towards Earth. Leaning closer, Heero wrapped an arm around Relena's shoulders and spoke directly into her ear so that she could hear him above the noise. "We have to go. Have you rested long enough?" Relena nodded in response and they set out again, but this time, with a clearer destination in Heero's mind. We need to be close enough that I can access the area, but not close enough that we get injured by the impact. The sirens had stopped and Heero started listening to the echoes around them as they moved through the corridors and towards the control center for Libra's cannon. He paused suddenly, closing his eyes to focus on the distant sounds.

"What is it, Heero?"

"Get down and cover your head."

"What?"

"Peacemillion's plowing into us!" he insisted urgently, but when she continued to stare at him, he leaped at her, taking them both to the ground just in time.

The world vibrated around them as Heero shielded Relena with his body, taking the brunt of the falling debris. Metal on metal screeched and wailed at a deafening volume and the smell of smoke soon wafted down the remains of the corridor. Only when everything was still for at least a minute did he dare to move, lifting the heavy beam and part of the wall off of them as he got to his knees and looked around. Time is short now.

Relena slowly lifted herself onto her elbows, coughing up dust from the impact. "Thank you, Heero – you protected me." How did he know what was going to happen? Was it planned? She sat up quickly as she realized there was a jagged, bloody gash on his sleeve. "Heero! You're hurt!"

Heero glanced down at his arm and disregarded it immediately. "It's not serious."

"No, wait…"

"Now Zechs won't have his victory…" he mumbled. But his point has still been made.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Forget it…" he turned to look at her, climbing to his feet and offering her a hand up. "I'm gonna need Zero."

"But Zechs--"

"Is probably already out in battle," he cut her off as he started to pick a path through the rubble. "So if you don't want more people to die, then I need to get to my mobile suit so that I can stop him."

Relena warred with her feelings as she climbed slowly over the pile of rubble and followed him through a doorway into a slightly less disheveled corridor. She didn't want anyone to fight at all, but could she really denounce Heero for trying to put an end to this mess? She was beginning to realize that it wasn't a black or white matter at all, but she didn't want to admit that people had been trying to tell her that for a long time now.

o/ My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own /o

"Put the spacesuit on," Heero asked her as they reached a room with a row of lockers. "There may not be gravity or air in parts of the damaged area and we'll have to search for a way in."

"A way in?" she asked as she followed his directions, pulling on the space suit as she watched him slide slowly out of his pilfered White Fang jacket. "Heero, let me help you – please." Running down the row of lockers, she opened and closed them one by one until she found a first aid kit. Heero had stripped down to his usual tank-top and shorts, and to Relena's surprise, he sat quietly and stiffly on the bench and let her clean out the gash. "What I said earlier…" she started as she wrapped the bandage around his arm and tied it snugly. "You've saved my life yet again, but that isn't why I… why I admire you." He didn't answer her as she finished, but stood up abruptly and moved to pull on his own spacesuit. "I… I think you have a good heart, Heero Yuy. I think I've felt that ever since we first met. I… I trust you."

"I almost killed you more than once," he finally said softly in response, his back to her as he reached above the lockers to retrieve two helmets. "But I couldn't bring myself to do it." He offered no other explanation as he handed her a helmet, letting her draw whatever conclusions she wanted to. She wasn't the only one who'd ever tried to manipulate him or push him towards her way of thinking, but he didn't think it was for any self-gain. "Once we get to Peacemillion, follow Howard's instructions and get away from here."

"I want to talk with my brother once more…" she started softly.

"It won't help," Heero said as he picked up his own helmet. "Zechs' decision is final."

Heero was right about the lack of gravity, but it ended up being a help to them, as it was much easier to float up to the airlocks on Peacemillion. The ship was literally embedded into the side of Libra and Relena was certain she'd never seen anything like it before and probably never would again. It felt all too soon to her that they were inside Peacemillion's hangar, where Wing Zero stood alone and unharmed, waiting for its pilot.

"Heero! I… I wish you didn't have to go!" she told him as she watched him change from spacesuit to flight suit.

Carefully considering all that had happened today, Heero nodded slowly, reaching out one hand to touch her shoulder lightly. "To tell you the truth, Relena… sometimes lately, I wish I didn't have to either – but my decision is final too."

Relena stood on the ground in frustration as she watched him climb into Wing Zero's cockpit. "Heero…"

Letting the door close on her face, he turned Wing Zero on and let the ripple of power reverberate deep within him. In the end, no matter which direction people tried to push him in, his decisions were ultimately his own. His mind, his heart were his alone to reason and feel for the right way. He would shape the future with his own hands.

And maybe he'd make it out the other end.

As he closed his eyes and prepared for take-off, all he could see in his mind were the faces of his friends, and for the first time, he could admit to himself:

I want to make it out.

o/ And I am never broken
We are never broken /o

Up Next: Wait, the war's almost over, but the story isn't?! Hot damn!!