Author's Notes: In the time since I posted the last chapter, H has withdrawn/switched schools back to the AI (but the NYC branch, not the LA branch) meaning we've decided to move to NYC this coming summer. I'm sure you can imagine the ensuing chaos of paperwork, since we've only been in VT for a few months. I haven't even told the family yet. On top of that, a weekend in NYC visting H's cousin, a wedding coming up in FL next weekend, emergency car repairs and my first-ever speeding ticket... wow, it's really frustrating when offline things tie up time I'd rather be using to write.
This chapter really ran away from me because I needed to tie up a lot of loose ends regarding the end of the series canon, but wanted to include some other scenes loosely inspired by the extended scenes in the Odds & Evens videos that my friend Shannon let me watch a few months ago. Not all of the chapters will be this ridiculously long, I swear - and I'm really excited because next chapter begins a whole hell of a lot of original content I've been dying to write for ages.
KS: I'm sorry I had you worried! The cross-continental transition has been murder on my schedule, but I won't disappear, I promise! I agree that the series plotline is muddled and I'm sure you can guess how much time I've spent analyzing and speculating about every bit of it. You're about to see a whole lot more of the growing friendship between Duo & Quatre and I hope you enjoy Heero's growth in this chapter too.
Snow: I ought to give you an award for your last commentary, because even though it sounded like you weren't sure I'd understand, I completely do! I did, in all actuality, set out to do exactly as you described - to write this story as if you could watch the show and see everything happening behind the scenes, for it to be truly, hopefully realistically believable. And like you, I definitely see where the straight shippers come from with Heero & Relena, and some of that will pop up this chapter, for certain. It's there and I won't ignore it.
Kirihana: I admit, I laughed really hard when i read your comment. When H and I first sat down to watch the series, all of the commentary we made has slowly ended up inside this story. And you may not be saying the same thing about "dirty" when you make it to the end of this chapter! teehee!
Irenthel: I would apologize now for your late bedtime... but this chapter is even longer than the last one. Oops...
roninlvr: I am glad you are enjoying the development of the characters - I still feel like I;m just finally reaching the place where everyone truly begins to grow and change.
Thanks for sticking with me! My normal page breaks don't appear to be working, so today you get *** breaks.
*******
Chapter 20 - Starlight (Episodes 47-49, plus scenes loosely inspired by the extended footage of the Odds & Evens videos)
o/~ Far away
This ship is taking me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die ~/o
Duo gaped at the cloud of dust drifting out into space as the combined shape of Libra and Peacemillion was slowly revealed. "Oh man! That was one big collision!"
"As it stands now, it'd be hard to destroy just Libra," Trowa added as the four Gundams and Noin's mobile suit floated nearby, surveying the damage and waiting for a report.
"This is Peacemillion," Sally's voice came over the monitor, but the picture was fuzzy and crackling badly. "We're not at any risk of exploding. But we're basically stuck."
"I understand," Quatre responded as the group's leader, addressing not only Peacemillion, but also his fellow pilots. "We'll board Libra and take over the ship from within. We'll destroy the mobile doll control system, then demand the White Fang's surrender…" Sensing the "but" in Duo's expression, he was quick to add: "Also, we've got to find Heero and Relena."
"So we're going in?" Duo joked lightly, knowing full well that this was really the first time they'd all worked properly together. "This reminds me of the old days!" None of his friends had a chance to laugh or groan as Wu Fei quite suddenly took off towards the main battle. "What's wrong, Wu Fei?"
"You're in charge!" The Chinese boy snapped back towards Quatre, his attention already turning. The group didn't need his help searching Libra, but someone else on this battlefield was surely waiting for their re-match.
Duo blinked in surprise as he watched his friend growing smaller in the distance. "Hang on! Wu Fei!"
"Let him go," Trowa said gently, bringing Heavy Arms up alongside Deathscythe. "He's keeping an old promise."
Closing down all of the other monitors, Wu Fei focused his attention on locating the commander of Earth's forces. There were too many White Fang troops obscuring the path, so he began to take them out one by one, slashing and spinning, working his way closer and closer to the heart of the battle. "Treize!" he growled to himself. "When I'm done here, I'll test your integrity!" Technically, they were fighting on the same side, against White Fang, but the Chinese boy was absolutely certain that Treize had also not forgotten their earlier duel.
That loss has shamed and haunted me. I was not strong enough to defeat him, and yet, he did not kill me.
"That's him," Wu Fei muttered to himself as a bright blue and white suit came into sight. Knowing he was out of range, he fired a few shots anyway, just to make his presence known.
"Poor aim!" Treize's face popped up on the monitor. "I'm over here!"
"Silence!" Wu Fei snapped in response as they finally came close enough for suit-to-suit contact.
"There was a time when battles could be lost and won with the push of a button," Treize's voice was calm and steady, rational and logical - at least to himself. "These mobile dolls are the root of all that detestable spirit. And their extension is that Libra. When wars are dehumanized, victory and defeat become miserable and God no longer lends a helping hand."
Has he really just spoken aloud such a similar sentiment to what I've held inside me for this entire war? Wu Fei faltered for a moment. Lies. He is the leader of OZ, the commander of the original mobile doll forces… he's destroyed countless numbers—"Enough with the fancy speeches!" he bellowed as he attacked again. "Too many people have died for nothing because of the battles you've fought!" Distracted by his thoughts, Wu Fei could not totally avoid Treize as he circled around to attack from behind, but he spun away angrily. He may not be weak, but Treize is still a hypocrite. "If you're going to fight anyone, then fight only me!"
"You're absolutely right," Treize replied, instantly dropping his blaster and withdrawing a beam saber.
Grinning a little, Wu Fei brandished his weapon. "Are you prepared for the worst?!"
"Of course," Treize answered seriously. "This time I won't go easy on you."
Easy on me?! "Enough talk!" Wu Fei snarled as Treize smiled in his monitor. They traded a few attacks back and forth, testing each other, until Treize withdrew again.
"What's wrong?" he taunted lightly. "Why not use your dragon?"
Wu Fei backed off a bit as well, watching Treize warily. "Because I want to fight you fair and square! That's why!" If this is to be my graveyard, then I will die an honorable death.
"That's not like you," Treize mused thoughtfully, wondering if he had misjudged the Chinese boy. "Why the hesitation?"
"Look who's talking;" Wu Fei snapped back as they stared each other down. He's the one hesitating and asking pointless questions. "Why didn't you kill me earlier?" Why did you let me live on in shame?
Treize was silent for a moment as he weighed whether or not Wu Fei was ready for the truth, as he so deemed it. "I couldn't kill one of the few people that understands me," he finally answered, lacing his words with a surprising amount of compassion.
Understanding? What understanding could we possibly have?! "Give me a break!" Wu Fei roared as Treize again parried his attack. "I DESPISE you!"
"Then come and get me!" Treize taunted as they locked beam sabers, each struggling against the strength of the other and paying no attention to the battle going on around them.
"You're only capable of looking down on people like this! You're only fighting to satisfy your ego!" And I'm not! I'm fighting for justice! I AM justice! "How many people do you think have died for you?!"
"Shall I tell you?" Treize paused, watching the play of emotions on the Gundam pilot's face. He wasn't surprised that Wu Fei had directed such passionate rage towards him, but it was no less than he had asked for or expected. "As of yesterday, 99, 822 people."
"What?!" Wu Fei stammered in shock, his mind trying to compute the figure into a visual total and finding that he simply could not envision it.
"Lady, how many fatalities today?" Treize inquired politely, tapping a key lightly to bring his dear lady's face up onto the monitor.
"We have confirmation of 82 White Fang soldiers and 105 of our own," she intoned lightly.
Treize slowly brought one gloved hand to his face, as if committing the numbers to memory. "I see. Give me their names later today."
"Yes, sir. I will."
Listening to this exchange over his own monitor, watching Treize act like the compassionate and concerned leader, Wu Fei felt something inside him snap. "Damn you!"
"I remember everyone who's sacrificed their lives in battle," Treize continued evenly. "Noventa, Septem, Ventei, Darlian, Walker, Otto, Bunt. How could I forget them?"
"How could you be so…" Wu Fei started with a shake of his head. If these people were his comrades, his friends, how can he speak their names with such calm acceptance of Fate? I still feel rage over Meilan's death... does he not feel the same for any of those names? For anyone at all?
Treize could see that his words were having an effect on Wu Fei, but could not tell if the boy believed him or not. It was easiest to see him purely as the villain, wasn't it? "I can only grieve over the loss by those who fought." Villain or martyr, the cause still has more value than our lives, doesn't it, Milliardo? Treize's hands moved slowly as he calculated, watched Wu Fei's torn expression. "But at least try and understand this...not one of those people died in vain. So…!" I will keep our pact… and the fates shall decide the outcome.
Wu Fei hadn't even opened his mouth to respond before Treize's mobile suit was flying at him without warning. There was no time for thought or consideration, as his reflexes kicked in to defend himself from the threat, his weapon ripping viciously through the core of the modified Tallgeese.
"That was beautiful, Wu Fei!" Treize extolled as the weapon was withdrawn and a chain of explosions echoed around him.
Frozen, Wu Fei could only watch in horror at what he had done. "Treize!" he choked out. "How could you…!"
"Wu Fei, my eternal friend," Treize responded as his image crackled into black, his voice echoing hauntingly in Altron's cockpit. "I'm honored I could fight with you pilots."
"No, this can't be true," Wu Fei's heart was hammering so loudly in his ears that he thought it might explode right alongside Treize's mobile suit, and even as he spoke the words, he knew there was no truth in them. "I won't let this happen!"
Treize smiled and closed his eyes. I'm sorry, Lady. "Milliardo, I'll be waiting on the other side."
Wu Fei slammed his fist into the console – furious, horrified, disbelieving – powerless to change the outcome, unable to stop the tears springing to the corners of his eyes. "DAMN IT!" It should have been me… "I wasn't expecting to win…" Powerless… it feels that, in the end, I am always powerless.
The World Nation's subsequent immediate surrender echoed on momentarily deaf ears as Wu Fei screamed incoherently, beating his fists against everything within his reach.
*******
"It doesn't matter which of us finds the control room first, but we can't leave here until it's destroyed," Quatre intoned sternly as he handed two small, round devices to Trowa and Duo. The three stood in a circle not far from where they'd landed their Gundams on a damaged area of Libra.
"What about--" Duo started, but Quatre quickly cut him off.
"I don't know where Heero is any better than you do, Duo," the blond shook his head, giving his friend a sympathetic look. "We'll all look for him – and Relena as well – but the first priority has to be that control room."
"Once we destroy that, all of the dolls will cease to function and White Fang will be largely at a loss," Trowa added, holding up the device between two long fingers. "And this?"
"High frequency communicator," Quatre responded, pulling his gun out of the holster and cocking it. "If you run into any trouble or need assistance, simply hold down the button and it'll alert the other two. It shouldn't be affected by anything electrical on this ship or Peacemillion, as it's run directly through Sandrock."
"Then I guess we'd better get going so we can end this war," Duo said with grim determination, pulling out his own gun as Trowa did the same.
Looking from Duo to Trowa, Quatre nodded in agreement. "Stay alert – and don't be too proud to call for help, promise?"
Trowa smiled a little as he and Duo exchanged a knowing look. The confident leader standing before them now was a far cry from the guilty and insecure soul of several days ago, and Trowa liked to hope that he had something to do with it. "Yes, sir!"
As soon as his friends were out of sight, Quatre ducked into a doorway and closed his eyes, reaching out with his heart and hoping for guidance. He had little to go on besides his own intuition, but the faith of his fellow pilots gave him the courage to believe in it more than ever. Three corridors proved to be nearly-empty dead ends, but the fourth felt somehow different, drawing him to a room near the center of Libra. With gun held high, he entered the room, startled to see a familiar face in the dim lighting.
I was right. "So it's you, Dorothy Catalonia."
"That's right, Quatre Raberba Winner," Dorothy answered as if she'd been waiting here just for him. Lifting her gun, she aimed it at his head and fired with no hesitation.
Quatre dove to barely avoid the bullet, shocked by her actions. "This is no time to be fighting! It's too dangerous to stay on this battleship!"
"Quatre Raberba Winner," Dorothy over-emphasized every syllable of his name as if she hadn't heard a word he'd said. "I knew it was you. You're by far the most misguided one of all the Gundam pilots!" Jamming the gun back in its holster, she picked up a helmet sitting on a nearby chair and slipped it over her head.
"What is this?!" Quatre demanded as the hundreds of screens came to life around them, blinking brightly.
"The mobile doll control room."
Control room? Really? But I recognize the program's start-up sequence… "No, I'm positive this is the Zero System."
"You got it," Dorothy smirked. "We connected the mobile doll controls to the Zero System. So now you know. My desire to fight activates all mobile dolls!" She'd known he would come and find her here – this other strategist, this boy who thought he was her equal, her superior. She had known this moment would come and reached behind her for the two swords that had been patiently waiting, throwing one down at Quatre's feet.
"What's the idea?" Quatre snapped, his eyes narrowing in a surprising display of anger. That system was never meant to be used this way!
"Quatre Winner, I challenge you to a duel. I lost the battle when each of us used the Zero System. But I wonder what would happen this time." She lifted her rapier, listening to the whispers of the Zero System through the helmet. My desire to fight… I will eliminate him. "You've decided you can fight without the Zero System."
"I wouldn't fight if I could help it," he answered with a note of disgust. "But unless I keep fighting, you people won't surrender and the war will never end."
"That's absolutely right! Now, let's determine which is more advanced – the Zero System or the human consciousness!"
Quatre lowered his head a little, his voice gruff and serious. The Zero System had been his own work, and it was already dangerous without being connected to the mobile dolls. He didn't want to fight Dorothy, but if she forced his hand… "And if I refuse?" The words were barely out of his mouth before she was attacking and he let out a surprised exclamation as he dodged her attack, very aware that she was fighting to kill. She turned to attack again and nearly sliced into him, but Quatre dove for the other sword, bringing it up just in time to block yet another attack. "Why are you so fond of war?" he demanded as he struggled to hold her off. "Why must we do this?!"
"You're so gentle, Quatre," Dorothy chided lightly, backing off for a moment. "What reasons do you have to fight?"
This answer was easy for Quatre, as visions of the satellite just before its obliteration filled his mind. Father… "I fight for my family! I have to fight to ward off my family's sorrow!"
"My father did that," she muttered bitterly. "He fought so I wouldn't feel any sorrow; and he died!" The last word was shrill, her emotions starting to unravel. "That's why I'm going to die fighting a beautiful battle!" Pushing off the ground, she used the light gravity to soar upwards into the air.
"Then you actually hate war too!" Quatre called to her with a bit of surprise, realizing that they were actually more alike than he'd guessed.
"No!" Dorothy used the ceiling as leverage, pushing off it for another quick attack, but Quatre dodged her, coming around from behind. They traded blow after blow, Dorothy on the attack, Quatre defending and refusing to counter-attack himself. "War isn't to blame for destruction and massacre! The enemies we must defeat are in our hearts!"
"I believe in peace because it surpasses war," Quatre argued. "I believe in the heart that hopes for peace!" If all hearts would unite and hope for peace, change would surely happen.
"Then I'll ask you this! You say that you've fought for everyone. But what has anyone done for you in return?"
"I'm not fighting to receive any kind of compensation," Quatre said with a shake of his head. Peace is my reward.
Dorothy backed off again, changing her stance, and Quatre watched as she prepared for a different style of attack. "That's why you'll always be an amateur!"
But Quatre was no amateur at all. He had been trained to fence since he was barely five years old, and more than that, he'd always been the type to study other people. The nuances of each person was what made them a unique soul, made all life valuable and equal to him – made war unnecessary in his eyes. He ducked under Dorothy's new attack with ease, slamming into her with his shoulder. Her body flew into the wall like a rag doll, stunning her as he straightened up, every bit of his lineage evident in the proud set of his shoulders. "Please stop this, Dorothy."
Perhaps he had bested her at swordplay, but Dorothy wasn't finished with the blond heir just yet. Cackling a little, she lifted her head from her ungraceful position on the floor and met his gaze. "The colonies betrayed the Gundams," she started evenly, a hint of malice in her tone. "The colony citizens killed your father." Like a true strategist, she studied her opponent and caught the flicker in his emotions. "And the armed colonies declared independence from Earth before truly understanding what was going on." I have him now. This is his weakness – his heart – and he'll crumble. "Your battles so far have all been a complete waste of time!" Quatre seemed suddenly speechless, paralyzed by her attempt to punch every insecurity he held deep inside, but she didn't let up. "Your sympathy toward others, too much sympathy for others, has resulted in this worst-case scenario!"
Quatre stood motionless as Dorothy climbed slowly to her feet. All of those statements are true… but I stopped fighting 'for the colonies' a long time ago. And none of these battles have been a waste – each one was a step down a path, a movement towards peace, however small.
"Why are you holding back? Or can't you go for it? Well, you can bet that I will!" she taunted him as she attacked again, not quite able to read the expression in his eyes. "That purity! That weak heart! That kindness!" Every word she spit out sounded further enraged as she attacked relentlessly. "No wonder you Gundam pilots get defeated!"
Quatre gave a surprised exclamation as she knocked his sword out of his hand, ducking out of the way as it crashed into the ceiling, destroying one of the screens. "Maybe you're right," he admitted softly, taking a step back. I can't change my heart. "This is the only way I know how to fight. But it's because we take on losing battles that we've kept the colonies from the horrors of war!"
"You'll never change anything that way!" she sneered.
"Then what should I have done?" he asked quietly, studying her as he rubbed at the quickly rising bruise on his hand.
Dorothy spread her arms wide in a grand gesture. "You should've become the colonies' leader and staged a magnificent war yourself! Like Milliardo!" She jabbed the point of her rapier into the air to emphasize the name.
"Dorothy, you're mistaken--" Quatre started, a horrified expression on his face, but the words were barely out of his mouth before Dorothy had plunged her rapier straight into his gut. Quatre doubled over, wrapping his hands around the blade to try and prevent it from going in any further.
"And you should've staged this war before all mankind," she hissed, twisting her blade a little. "A miserable war that they'll never want to see again!"
"Are you saying that's the significance of this war?" Quatre struggled to speak, glancing down to see the blood quickly soaking the front of his flight suit. I'm in trouble.
"That's right," she nodded, her voice wavering now that Quatre seemed to be accepting her point of view. "You can't do away with wars simply by taking weapons away from the people! You first have to change the hearts of mankind. If you don't do that, humanity will perish…" She paused, trying to hide how choked up she was getting. "…just like my father!"
Quatre fought to stay conscious as he sought for a way to get to the communicator he had on him. He couldn't reach for it right now or she might get suspicious and simply finish him off – he was at a terrible disadvantage and angry at himself for dropping his guard for even a moment. "You're a very kind person." She's not wrong about needing to change the hearts of humanity. I can tell that she doesn't want anyone to suffer the loss of their loved ones the way we both did. Is that why she's fighting with Zechs, trying to create the ultimate war to end all wars? What a painful path to choose. "Kinder than me."
"Is that supposed to make me happy?!" Dorothy yelled, withdrawing her sword and watching as Quatre quickly crumpled to his knees, struggling to breathe. "Kindness gets in the way when you're trying to survive! It's more appropriate for man to concentrate on surviving."
"D-Dorothy!" Quatre wheezed, slowly sliding one hand towards his pocket as he pressed the other into his wound to try and slow the bleeding. "You're just the same way I used to be. You despise your own kindness and your own hatred of war." Got it. Quatre slid his hand around the communicator and jammed the button in, hoping that Trowa and Duo weren't in any trouble themselves. "You should never try to fight your kindness. Trowa taught me that." He made me realize that I'm not in this alone. "You have to try and accept everything around you…because humanity needs that kindness. Without kindness, mankind has no reason to exist." Quatre lifted his head, his face paler than pale, but his attempt at a smile came out more like a wince. Dorothy had stopped speaking and he wondered if he was finally getting through to her. "You agree, don't you? Humans that only think of their survival are lower life forms than animals. They can't even feel for others…" But I feel for you… and I think maybe you even feel for me too. Black crept into the corners of his vision and as his body seized up with pain, Quatre passed out.
*******
Trowa hadn't had any luck in his search of Libra and as soon as the communicator started buzzing in his pockets, he knew immediately that it was Quatre. "I'm coming, Quatre," he murmured, pulling it out of his pocket and studying it. It wasn't a map by any means, but depending on what way he turned, the lights on it changed colors, red to gold to green, and he headed back the way he'd come to retrieve Heavy Arms, knowing it would be faster.
He'd barely climbed inside before he was cornered by a group of mobile dolls, but before he could fire, they'd already been blown to bits. Duo. Trowa smiled as the familiar face popped up on his monitor, but his fellow pilot looked more than a little stressed out.
"You made it, Trowa!" Duo grinned, a bit of relief painting his face. He'd already been on the way to the outside hull to take the annoying group of scientists to Peacemillion when the communicator had gone off. But if Trowa was here and well, then it had to be Quatre. And Trowa will help him out, for sure. "Sorry, but I've gotta run. I'm afraid you're on your own here."
"I can manage fine," he nodded, wondering if the braided pilot had located Heero and Relena.
"Gotcha." With no time to waste, Duo took off without further explanation. I hope they'll be okay without me. "Don't get yourself killed."
"You either, Duo." Trowa watched as Deathscythe disappeared down another corridor and then glanced back at the communicator. He had to be very close now, because the lights were blinking crazily. Parking Heavy Arms, he hopped down and pulled his gun out again, moving through the doorway as silently as he could.
"The Earth has surrendered?!"
The room was dark and it took Trowa's eyes a few moments to adjust as he listened to the echo of a female voice. He couldn't quite make out what the man on the monitor was saying and his eyes scanned the room carefully until he caught a wisp of blond hair. Quatre was floating unconscious in mid-air and Trowa felt his entire chest tighten. He can't be… But he couldn't bring himself to even think the word as he took another step into the room.
"And the combat observation unit has just informed us that Treize Khushrenada has died in battle."
Treize is dead?! Trowa could hear the man on the screen more clearly now and he eavesdropped on the end of to conversation as he inched closer and closer to Quatre, but the girl, Dorothy, wasn't paying any attention to the fallen blond. If Treize is dead, does that mean that the war is over and Earth has lost?
"No! That can't be!"
"Victory is ours. But our plans to ram this ship into Earth are unchanged. Those are Commander Milliardo's orders."
Ram the ship into Earth? It seemed like a ridiculous idea to Trowa. It would certainly send a message, but if it obliterated everyone on Earth, then there wouldn't be anyone left to hear it. We need to get out of here now. Finally stepping into the dim light, Trowa coolly addressed the nearly hysterical girl, one hand on his gun. "Things didn't go as planned. In a way, what you were attempting was probably correct. But it still won't bring true peace."
"I was only… " Dorothy started and trailed off, her face white and stricken.
"That's sad," Trowa said with a tilt of his head. "A woman who can't cry." Dorothy said nothing, watching as Trowa walked across the room as if she didn't even exist, wrapping an arm around Quatre's shoulders and pulling him to the floor. He's still breathing. "Quatre?"
"T-trowa…?" The familiar voice roused Quatre and he blinked a few times as Trowa unzipped his flight suit, pulling out one arm and tearing off part of a sleeve, quickly ripping it into strips.
"I'm going to tie this around you to try and keep the bleeding down," he said gently, reaching to unzip Quatre's flight suit. "It's probably going to be painful, but we don't have time for anything else. Zechs is going to ram this ship into Earth--"
"No!" Quatre exclaimed, wincing as Trowa reached into his suit and around him to affix the makeshift bandage.
"And I need to destroy the mobile doll control system before we can go." He smiled at Quatre, running one thumb down his cheek affectionately before standing up and re-zipping his suit, relieved that the other boy was relatively okay. If he could just see to the controls and get them off the ship, they might still make it out of this mess alive. Trowa spared a glance at Dorothy before moving to the control system, but she was now sitting on the floor, her back to him and the sag in her shoulders signaling her defeat.
"I've fought all this time," he said to her as he turned his own back and began to shred the wiring of the controls with his pocketknife. "And with each battle, I've been killing my own heart." Sometimes I think all soldiers are slowly killing their hearts with the brutality they witness and take part in. "My heart's been completely void of feelings for a long time." Until recently. Very recently. "Maybe my life doesn't have value anymore. But I have to keep on living."
Dorothy opened her eyes and lifted her head a little, surprised to hear him voice something so similar to how she'd been feeling. With her father and now Treize dead, she felt that her idols were vanished, her dreams squashed – even peace would feel bittersweet to her, if it came. "Why?"
Trowa was silent for a long moment as he considered her question, the screens going dark around them, one by one. Maybe I don't value my life, but I think some other people do. In fact, I made a promise to Catherine that I'd come home alive. "I have a home to return to," he finally answered simply.
"Unlike you, I don't have any place left to go back to," she said, but it was more sad than bitter.
Finishing with the wires, Trowa quickly made his way back to Quatre's side, playing a concerned hand on his shoulder. "Can you stand up, Quatre?"
"Trowa." Quatre lifted his head to meet Trowa's eyes and reached out a hand to touch his arm, leaning towards him. "You've got to do me a favor," he insisted urgently. "Look after her and forget about me."
Dorothy turned sharply to look at him in complete surprise, but Trowa didn't give her an opportunity to respond. "Don't worry, Quatre, She's strong enough to take care of herself."
Quatre let Trowa slide an arm around his shoulders for support, grateful for the lack of gravity that made it easier to get to his feet. "Yeah, I guess…" he murmured softly. Is that the truth? Or does Trowa refuse to leave me behind? He couldn't help but feel a little bit touched by the gesture, and at the same time, it made him feel all the worse for Dorothy.
Dorothy said nothing as they floated by, grabbing her helmet out of mid-air as the reached the door.
"You'd better hurry," Trowa advised her as he glanced back over his shoulder. There was no sympathy in his tone, but he didn't want to see the sad girl blown up either.
"Don't get yourself killed," Quatre's echoed Trowa's unvoiced thoughts.
Alone in the destroyed control room, the silence seemed to engulf her. Crumbling completely, Dorothy covered her face with her helmet and cried.
*******
~/o Starlight
I will be chasing the starlight
Until the end of my life
I don't know if it's worth it anymore o/~
She was banging ferociously on the cockpit door.
With a sigh, Heero flipped the switch to open it, continuing with his take-off procedures.
"Wait, Heero!" Relena exclaimed, leaning in the opening. "Why is it necessary for you to go?"
Didn't we just have this conversation? Heero didn't answer her, giving a small and somewhat eerie smile that only further incited her.
"Libra's going down! There isn't any reason left to keep fighting!" she argued angrily, turning her face away and closing her eyes dramatically. "My brother, Milliardo Peacecraft, and the White Fang have been defeated!"
Heero raised one eyebrow as he glanced up from his preparations. "I'll bet Zechs doesn't think he's lost. Besides, I doubt Zechs or Treize will ever stop this battle."
"What?!"
"That's why I've got to go and fight them."
Relena turned back to him, her eyebrows furrowed in frustration – a look that was becoming quite common for her whenever Heero was around. "You think if you go, the war will come to an end?"
Actually, I don't think it, I know it – but she won't want to hear it. Heero watched her eyes widen as he stood abruptly and moved towards her, grabbing the back of her helmet with one hand to pull her face closer. "I'll defeat Zechs, then I'll get Treize," he said simply and seriously. He kept his eyes locked on hers, wanting her to see the reflection of her own hopes for peace. "Then the war will be over. Afterward, if you survive, there will finally be peace. This is the only thing I can do for you." I can't change the hearts of humanity, but I can at least put a stop to those who are obstructions to peace.
Is he going to kiss me? Their faces were inches apart and Relena's heart hammered in her chest, her eyes tearing at his words. What meaning does peace hold for me if all the people I care for perish in obtaining it? "Heero…"
"I promised to protect you. But to protect you and the Earth Sphere, I have no choice but to fight." I don't need Zero to tell me that this is the end. I feel it like an electric current running through everyone and everything.
"No…" she whispered, but it was half-hearted, lost in the sheer force of Heero's will. Why do I feel that he's the one convincing me, when it was supposed to be the other way around?
"Let me fight," Heero said softly, sweetly, as if the request were words of endearment.
There was something ethereal and otherworldly in his expression that she'd never seen from him before and it both enthralled and scared Relena deeply. Heero's face wavered blurrily as she blinked back tears. Why is he so at peace with the decision to fight? I just don't understand! "I won't!" she insisted defiantly. "No!" He's not listening to me. "Heero, you're… planning to die, aren't you?!"
How wrong you are. Heero reached to close the front screen of her helmet, the same small smile still painted on his face. "Trust me."
Relena was not expecting him to suddenly shove her forcibly backwards out of Wing Zero, and in the low gravity with nothing to grasp onto, she flew backwards across the hangar, reaching out towards him. "Heero!" Wing Zero's engine engaged as she hit the railing, twisting to grab it as the air lock opened. "I do trust you, Heero…"
"Goodbye, Relena…" he murmured as Zero soared out and away. Hitting a button, Sally's face popped up on his screen. "Relena's in Peacemillion's hangar. Please make sure she leaves with you for MO-2." He didn't bother to wait for a reply, flipping the monitor off again and focusing on finding Zechs in the battle that was still going on all around the combined shape of Libra and Peacemillion. He knew Relena was safe when he heard her voice coming over the intercom, begging him to answer, but he finally hit mute on all of the channels except those of his fellow Gundams, unwilling to let her be a distraction. "Forget about me, Relena. Life is cheap – especially mine!" There's no place for a soldier like me in the coming days and Earth will need her to be strong for them. Better that she stop worrying about me.
Heero scanned the battlefield until he finally caught sight of Epyon's imposing figure, waiting for him out the outside hull of one of Libra's points, as proud and powerful as he remembered. This really would be the fight for his own life.
"Certain conditions must be met for total peace," Zech's face popped up on his monitor, a storm of emotions brewing beneath the calm mask he was desperately trying to keep in place. Epyon's wings spread as Zechs ignited the bright green beam saber. "First, all weapons must be eliminated. And second, the desire to fight must be erased from people's minds!" Zechs dodged the warning shot from Wing Zero, taking it as a sign that Heero now understood his mindset. "Libra will fall to Earth! It's the only way we'll achieve total pacifism!"
Heero definitely understood that Zechs wanted peace perhaps even more desperately than his sister, but the means he was using to achieve it were too extreme for Heero to allow. Even though he had been the original defender of the colonies, he would now defend the Earth with the same amount of dedication. "The people who've lost Earth will despise you," he said to Zechs as he attacked, the clash of the two powerful suits rattling every bone in his body. "…and the colonies will rely on you." He wanted to remain as calm as he always had in previous battles, but there was so much more at stake now, personally, and for everyone on Earth. "The same mistakes will be repeated endlessly as long as you live!"
Backing off, Heero shot at Zechs with his blaster until Epyon wrapped its whip around it to the yank it away. He wants to fight sword to sword? Fine with me. He knew from the conversation he and Relena had had with Zech's hologram earlier that the man intended to single-handedly pay for the sin of purging humanity – and had every intention of forcing Heero to be his unwilling partner in it. If Heero could simply disable Epyon, the message would be sent and they'd both escape with their lives, but there was still the matter of Libra to deal with - he had to be in a position to force Zechs not to crash the ship into the planet. It was a far more difficult task than outright killing him. "You're the same as Treize, claiming to fight for justice to protect the weak! But in fact, you're not helping the weak at all!"
"It's the strong that create the weak! It was the strong Earth that created the weak colonies and almost drove them to destruction!" Zechs bellowed, attacking relentlessly.
Heero dodged him again, landing on a section of Libra that had started to break away from the rest of the battleship, and as he looked around in surprise, he realized that all of the mobile dolls had stopped moving. They got to the mobile doll control room! The moment of distraction cost him dearly, as Epyon knocked his beam saber out of his hand and Zechs crowed loudly.
"Now, victory will be mine."
I really think this has all gone to his head. He might be able to master that mobile suit physically, but the control system has addled his mind. "I can't stand the weak," he told Zechs honestly, scanning around him for the fallen beam saber. "They're always nervous about being attacked next. They can't trust anybody and never have their own opinion." In a way, we are all victims of that conditioning. In a way, we're all trying to figure out who or what to trust. After all, he himself had only worked so hard at his training out of a desire to never be as weak and kicked around as he'd been before meeting Odin – to never have to trust anyone and be hurt for it again.
But now, he'd changed, just as the views of the Earth and the colonies were changing. He understood now that it was in moments of pain and peril that the strongest bonds of trust were born. The ways in which the pilots had been forced to trust each other were the same ways in which the people of Earth and Space would finally learn to trust – to be the first to put down your weapons. It was a damn fucking leap of some sixth sense faith to be the first to do it, harder still to believe it and respond in kind - but it was possible – Duo had extended unconditional trust to him even when he'd been at first too cynical to believe it and probably undeserving of it, having stolen parts from Deathscythe! He knew he was better for it now, for the trust they had, and so it would be the same for Earth and Space. And anyone who wasn't willing to grow, to make that leap of faith… those people… "I can't tolerate such people!" Heero's eyes locked on to his fallen beam saber. Behind him!
"Strong people make them that way!" Zechs glared at Heero as if he alone were to blame for humanity's faults. Even though the very thing he had worked so hard for was already happening, Zechs was too lost in the grandness of his own scheme to see the way out of its finale.
Libra changed direction underneath them as Peacemillion's drive suddenly engaged, and the abrupt motion sent the beam saber within reach. Heero dove for it, avoiding another vicious attack, and then turned sharply around on Zechs, holding his saber to Epyon's neck. "Zechs, nobody is strong," he said, a little softer, a little sad. We're all just in this together, trying to learn, trying to trust… "All of humanity is weak! And that includes you and me!" There are no perfect people and there will never be a perfect peace, but that doesn't mean that we ever stop growing and trying. If we gave that up, we'd all have nothing left. Zechs is acting as if he has nothing left, but it's not true – he has Relena.
Both the verbal and physical fights were suddenly interrupted by a large broadcast from the colonies, and Heero kept the beam saber to Epyon's neck, forcing Zechs to listen with him.
"In accordance with the World Nation's declaration of surrender, the Colony Delegation has an announcement from all colonies. We wish to renounce the White Fang's demands and announce our desire to coexist with the World Nation. We further declare our rejection of any combat, regardless of the reason, and hope that the World Nation will follow suit. We would also like to apologize for the suffering endured by many people during this war as a result of our unclear stance."
Heero was momentarily stunned by the news, knowing immediately that if the World Nation had surrendered, someone had gotten to Treize before him. Is it possible that both sides are unwilling to continue this combat? That trust has finally been born? "The war is over…" he whispered to himself. "Zechs…" he pushed away the deluge of thoughts and feelings threatening to overtake him and addressed Epyon's pilot. "Zechs, it's over--" The words were barely out of Heero's mouth before Epyon had violently shoved Wing Zero, separating the two mobile suits and forcing Heero to stumbled backwards. "You're finished, Zechs."
"Not yet!" Zechs hissed, attacking again and flying right past Wing Zero as Heero dodged. "I still don't see myself as one of the weak!"
What the hell is wrong with him?! He's already gotten what he wanted – both sides are refusing to fight! Heero evaded yet another attack as he directed Wing Zero inside the section of Libra that they were standing on, noticing that the chunk of metal was still accelerating towards Earth even though the rest of the ship had begun to move away, but Epyon still followed him, clearly out for blood despite the announcement from both the World Nation and the Colony Delegation. Finally coming to a stop, Heero turned to face Zechs, his weapon drawn and his eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. Is he trying to kill us both on purpose? If both sides are calling a ceasefire… "The colonies have started heading toward total pacifism all on their own. Your actions are meaningless!"
"My destiny is smeared with blood," Zechs said with a slow shake of his head. "I won't be talked out of this transgression! I'll settle this, Heero!"
The future that Zero and Epyon have shown us – why won't he accept it? Relena was wrong – it isn't me that's wising for death. It's Zechs. "I know you can see the future!" This is my chance. The two mobile suits flew at each other and Heero braced himself for impact, feeling for a moment as if his mind was melding with the Zero System. If I'm off by so much as an inch…
Epyon's arm clattered to the floor with a crackle of electricity and Zechs exhaled slowly. Am I to be denied martyrdom too? "Why don't you kill me?"
Heero was silent for a moment, considering. He'd taken many lives in this war, more than he cared to count. What would be the difference now? What would make this one any harder to live with? "Relena would be sad," he finally answered, moving to head towards the power source as Quatre paged him over the monitor.
"Heero!"
"Quatre?" Heero could tell immediately that Quatre was wounded and he wondered how the others had fared.
"Glad you're okay. The block is still descending toward the Earth."
"Understood. I'll destroy this ship's power system. Leaving Zechs behind him, he used the map of the ship they'd obtained from Hilde what seemed like a lifetime ago to navigate his way towards the control room. "Here it is." I don't have my blaster. Stabbing it with my beam saber might not do enough damage and could potentially kill me before I get a second shot in. "My only choice is the self-destruct device." The other pilots would understand – if they were still alive – but would Relena? Despite how much she hated fighting, would she want him to trade all of Earth's lives for his own? All the same, if he blew up the power source with the self-destruct, it would not only save Earth, but also allow Zechs enough time to get out safely. And I'm out of time and ideas.
"Farewell, Relena," he murmured, taking a deep breath as he readied himself to hit the switch. He'd done it once before, he could do it again, right? Then why am I hesitating? The war is over. The mission is nearly complete. My life doesn't matter. His heart thudded dully in his chest and he swallowed hard. My life is cheap. My life--
The button slipped from under Heero's finger as Epyon dropped down in front of him and Zech's window reappeared on his monitor. "There's one more thing required to attain total peace. A strong heart that can empathize with people! Like yours." Zechs stared hard at Heero, wondering why the pilot was hesitating. When they had first met, Heero had been willing to lay his life down for the cause without a second thought. But even I can see that his heart has changed. "You're too pure and kind… but I guess that's what gives you the right to live." Not a martyr, not a hero… but either way, this is the end. "I'm going to live right to the bitter end!"
Heero dropped the self-destruct button as he watched Zechs plunge his beam saber directly into the power source. "Zechs!" he yelled in horror.
"I'll live the hard life of a warrior!"
"Zechs!" Heero yelled again – but the power source exploded with blinding light and heat, throwing him backwards through several walls as Zechs' last words echoed and sizzled out.
"Till we meet again, Heero!"
Heero's hands were steady as he bashed his way through what was left of the block, his eyes closed as he tried to stuff down the fiery feeling choking his throat. He couldn't stop to think about anything right now – not while this chunk of metal was still threatening Earth. The power source was detonated, but it hadn't been enough - the impact of an object this size would still severely alter Earth's climate. "Zero, please guide me through this," he said through gritted teeth, breathing in sync with the golden pulse. The temperature's rising – it's entering the atmosphere.
Another wall was blasted away to reveal the remains of the battle and Wu Fei tossed Heero's blaster to him with a grim expression. "You forgot this; take it!"
Zechs gave me the chance to save Earth. I can't let everyone down. "Mission accepted."
Throwing the Gundam into full forward thrust, Heero pushed Wing Zero to its limits as he flew ahead of the block and deeper into the atmosphere. The Gundam was built to withstand the high temperatures of lasers and explosions, but the rising heat made Heero feel as if his entire brain was melting into the Zero System itself. Places, people, events, experiences – everything was blurring –
Struggling, turning, facing the oncoming chunk of metal
The heat is palpable – red, hot, shaking – an inferno
Fighting desperately to get a lock with the blaster, but he can't hold it steady
Pieces of Wing Zero are breaking off, vaporized, melted
Probability of success is less than zero by his calculations
Heero exhaled in pain, speaking first softly "I will…" then louder "I will…" then a bellow, from the depths of his soul "I will survive!"
As if the Zero System itself had bent to the force of his will, the target locked and he pulled the trigger.
*******
o/~ My life
You electrify my life
Let's conspire to re-ignite
All the souls that would die just to feel alive ~/o
Duo refused to close his eyes to the piercingly painful white light as the remains of the block shattered into millions of pieces, each a tiny red spark in the distance, burned up by the heat of Earth's atmosphere.
Earth was saved. The war was over.
But Duo felt no joy at all – only a choking fear and anxiety that threatened to override every shred of common sense and send him charging after his best friend – and then, from the fiery mess, a battered and half-melted Wing Zero appeared, flying brilliantly towards them with the gorgeous blue and green orb as its backdrop.
"HE MADE IT!" Duo exploded emotionally with shock and relief, joy and exuberance. He didn't care at all if any of the other pilots saw the tears streaking down his cheeks. "You've done it, Heero!"
"Naturally," Wu Fei put in softly, finally feeling a little bit of his earlier grief slip away.
"Hmm, he's quite the guy," Trowa tilted his head with a small smile as he watched his odds-defying friend race towards them.
Quatre was nearly as emotional as Duo, gushing his words over the monitors to his fellow pilots. "Now I get it. Heero himself is the heart of outer space!"
Heero's face finally appeared on their monitors, a calm radiating from within him. "Mission complete."
Duo burst into relieved laughter and headed Deathcythe straight towards Wing, twirling his scythe crazily, dancing in the only way he could out in space. "Time to celebrate!"
"Everyone head for MO-2," Quatre said immediately. "I've already received word from Sally that she and the rest of Peacemillion's crew arrived safely and were greeted warmly by Lady Une. We've been invited to join them there…" He paused and looked pointedly at Wu Fei. "…with no strings attached."
The five Gundam pilots flew together, perhaps for the last time, towards MO-2, docking at the satellite's hangar one by one. Wu Fei hung back, momentarily uncertain about what he wanted to do, knowing full well that everyone was aware of his role in Treize's death.
Inside the hangar, Heero was the first out of his Gundam, pulling off his helmet and watching his friends, so relieved that they'd all made it through alive that he didn't really know what to say. No matter how many times he'd dreamed of a moment like this or how many visions and versions of the future Zero had shown him, now that it was here, he felt almost dumbstruck. Catching Duo's eyes as the braided pilot climbed down from Deathscythe, they both smiled warmly at each other. Hardly a moment later, he had an armful of the other boy as Duo practically threw himself at Heero, squeezing him so hard he could barely breath.
"You're amazing," Duo murmured in his ear, hugging Heero as tightly as he could. "No one else could have pulled that off."
Where once upon a time, he might have pushed Duo away, Heero now returned the embrace, curling hand around Duo's braid with a smile. "I…" he started, pulling back and shaking his head. "I don't know what to say."
Duo only grinned, reaching to squeezing both of Heero's hands in his for a moment before turning to watch Trowa helping Quatre out of Sandrock. "I'm going to see if there's a bottle of champagne anywhere on this rock!" he called up to them loudly.
"Priorities, Duo," Trowa responded sarcastically with a good-humored roll of his eyes. "We need to get Sally to take a look at Quatre first."
"Right! Sorry, Quat!" Completely unfettered by the moment, Duo bounded across the hangar and tried to engulf both Trowa and Quatre in another hug. "Then we'll meet you there! Right, Heero?" He turned back to his best friend, but Heero had already walked back towards Wing Zero, resting one hand on a large foot with a pensive expression on his face.
"Non-alcoholic, Duo," Quatre chastised his friend with a genuine, if pained, smile as he limped towards the door with Trowa's help.
They were gone a moment later, leaving Duo and Heero alone in the hangar, and the braided boy walked back towards the other pilot, a curious expression painting his features. "Heero? You okay?"
Heero nodded slowly, his hand sliding off the metal as he turned back to Duo. "I think so…" he said slowly. His thoughts were currently a jumbled mess, but he was hoping that with the time to sort them out, he would find the right words to say – not only to Duo, but to everyone else that would probably be expecting something from him.
Duo knew Heero well enough by now to understand when he was working through something, and so he simply smiled, leaning in to kiss him lightly on the lips. "I'm going to find champagne. I bet they've brought some from Earth for the occasion. Join us when you can?" Stepping back, he gestured with a thumb to Wu Fei as the Chinese boy descended from his Gundam, having finally decided that he could at least join them temporarily. "And tell 'Fei too, okay?"
o/~ And I'll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away ~/o
Heero watched Duo leave, his braid swinging jauntily back and forth behind him, and felt momentarily guilty that he couldn't offer the same sentimentality back in return. It wasn't that he wasn't happy and relieved that the war was over, but he also felt exhausted, overwhelmed and suddenly out of place. Lost in thought, he completely failed to notice the footsteps behind him weren't Wu Fei's until Relena had already wrapped her arms around him from behind.
"Heero! You did it! I'm so happy you're safe and you won't have to fight anymore!"
Turning and trying to disentangle himself from her at the same time, Heero took a step back, intoning softly. "Relena…"
"The war is over, Heero! Did you hear the announcement? About the conference being held tomorrow?" Relena's eyes glistened with tears, but Heero had no idea if they were for the announcement, his safety, the loss of Zechs or a combination of all three. She was talking so fast that he couldn't have gotten a word in if he'd wanted to. "I've already been invited, of course, with the experience I have, and I wanted to ask a favor of you. Heero? Are you listening to me?"
"A favor?" Heero crossed his arms over his chest and gave her a somewhat skeptical look, but she only smiled coyly. Ever the consummate politician…
"Well, I… Noin, really… thinks it could be dangerous. There are people who aren't happy with the ceasefire, and rebel sects that--"
"Relena."
Catching on to Heero's growing exasperation, she decided to simply state her case. "I want you to come with me – not just to the public memorial, but to all of the meetings. You don't have to participate or say anything, just… look out for me?" The word "protect" was on the tip of her tongue when she saw Heero flinch. "It's not a forever thing," she added hastily with a shake of her head. "Just, right now, with… with everything changing. Please, Heero?" She reached out to touch his arm lightly, trying to get him to meet her eyes. "It would mean a lot to me to have you there with me, since… since my brother…"
"Can we talk about this tomorrow morning?" Heero finally interrupted her. He would simply add it to his list of thoughts to sort out, but he couldn't make that kind of decision on the spot. He had no idea what any of his fellow pilots were planning on doing yet, didn't know where he fit into anything right now.
"Only if you give me your word that you won't blow me off and disappear," she pouted slightly.
Heero frowned, but after a moment, gave a slight nod. "Agreed."
"Thank you, Heero!" she said brightly, as if he had already agreed to her request.
Heero caught what Relena was about to do only because she hesitated for a moment, and he turned his face aside, letting her lips brush his cheek lightly instead of finding their intended mark.
Not at all embarrassed about what she'd done, Relena smiled as she stepped back. "I really am thankful to you, Heero – for everything. Until tomorrow!"
Heero ran his knuckles over his cheek roughly once she was out of sight, somewhat bothered by the exchange, but he didn't have the chance to dwell on it as he noticed that Wu Fei was in the process of refueling his Gundam and making some minor repairs. "Leaving already?"
"That girl is trouble, Yuy," he said with a shake of his head, standing up and brushing his hands off.
"I can handle it," Heero retorted gruffly, crossing the few steps between them to ask his question again. "Are you leaving?"
Wu Fei didn't respond for a long moment, turning his back to Heero and looking up at his mobile suit. "I have no place here. Where does the soldier go when the war is finished?"
"I don't know the answer to that, but you do have a place here. Duo told me to invite you to his… celebration."
Wu Fei picked up his helmet before turning back to meet Heero's gaze. "I killed Treize."
The two boys stared at each other hard for a moment and then Heero calmly repeated himself again. "You have a place with us – the four of us. I know that the others would say the same if they were standing here." If Wu Fei didn't view that as acceptance, forgiveness, understanding of his actions… then Heero didn't know what else to tell him.
"I am sorry," Wu Fei exhaled slowly. "I simply can't stay here right now. Please give the others my best wishes."
"No."
Wu Fei's eyes widened in surprise, but Heero stared him down, saying nothing else. "…very well."
"You should do it yourself," he tried to explain, wishing he had Duo's knack for knowing the right thing to say to make the other person see that you understood where they were coming from.
Wu Fei shook his head slowly. "I want to, but… I can't right now." He needed time to try and understand all that had happened – time to meditate, time to pray, time to grieve. He hoped that Heero could understand that and not judge him too harshly for it. He extended his hand, waiting for a moment until Heero grasped it tightly with his own, but then, much to his surprise, Wing's pilot stepped back and bowed to him, hands pressed lightly together in front of his chest. Both honored and touched by Heero's thoughtfulness, Wu Fei returned the bow before turning to climb into his Gundam.
Alone in the hangar, Heero found that he wasn't quite ready to celebrate yet, and he set out to find a quiet spot to do some meditating of his own.
o/~ Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations ~/o
*******
"You're very lucky, Quatre," Sally said brightly as she finished the last stitch and used her scissors to snip off the end of the thread. "The wound actually wasn't very deep – it just bled a great deal. As long as you take it easy for a day or two, you should be just fine."
"Thanks, Sally," Quatre replied with a tired, but grateful smile. "I have a lot to do in the next few days, but I'll try to heed your advice as much as I can."
"There's something else I wanted to ask you, if you don't mind my prying a little bit," she started as she wheeled her chair away from his bedside, opening a drawer and removing several types of bandages.
"No, feel free."
"Have you thought about your plans now that the war's over? I know you probably have a lot of family business to attend to, but I'm going to be organizing clean-up crews here in space. If you or any of the others--"
"Sally, that's a wonderful idea," Quatre grinned broadly now, trying to sit up in bed. "My sisters have been running the family business during the war – I'm sure they'd understand if I took some time to help, not to mention that the natural resource satellites that my family owns would make great stations to base different teams out of--"
"Easy, Quatre!" Sally laughed a little, reaching out with both hands until he settled back onto his pillow again so she could finish taping his bandages. "I'm glad that you're interested, but it can certainly wait until tomorrow. There's the memorial service to attend, of course, and the conference, but perhaps we can sit down over dinner and discuss our ideas."
"It's a plan."
The door to Quatre's room creaked open and Trowa poked his head in, his expression a cross between worried and bemused. "Did I just hear laughter? Is it okay to come in?"
Quatre glanced at Sally and she nodded, so he lifted a hand to usher Trowa inside. "Yes, Trowa, it's fine – I'm fine."
Sensing the hesitancy between the two, Sally stood up to excuse herself, pausing at the doorway only to give a small lecture as Trowa sat down in the chair beside the bed. "Drink lots of water. Stay off your feet until tomorrow. Get some sleep."
"Yes, ma'am!" Quatre snapped back sharply, waiting until the door had closed behind her before reaching out to take Trowa's hand in his own. "Trowa, thank you for… for being there when I needed you most."
Trowa's cheeks colored and he glanced away, quietly pleased by Quatre's words. "We all played our parts," he said softly. "I'm just genuinely happy that we all made it through this day with our lives intact."
"Hell-ooo," called a sing-song voice as the door swung open abruptly to reveal Duo, champagne bottle in one hand and several glasses in the other. "Special delivery! Someone order a celebration?"
Quatre laughed, quickly letting go of Trowa's hand to try and shift himself up in bed. "Duo!"
"Careful or you'll pop your stiches," Trowa said, reaching to help him readjust his position.
"Oh, Trooo-wa, I'm fine! Really!" Despite the lines of exhaustion in his face, Quatre's eyes were bright as he turned to Duo and implored him wholeheartedly. "Duo, would you tell him that I'm fine? I don't want to rest yet – I want to celebrate too!"
"Trooo-wa," Duo floated over to them as he perfectly mimicked Quatre, handing the taller boy the glasses as he took the champagne bottle in both hands. "He's fine! Come on, celebrate with me! This moment is once-in-a-lifetime!" Without waiting for a response, he shook the bottle vigorously, laughing loudly with then cork popped out and hit the wall on the far side of the room. The dexterous circus clown held out all three glasses laced securely in between his fingers, leaving the other two on the small wooden table beside the bed, as Duo poured the frothy liquid into each glass.
"This is non-alcoholic, right?" Quatre asked them nervously, looking back and forth between Duo and Trowa's faces, neither of which gave away the answer.
"To peace!" Duo lifted his glass with a grin.
"To unity," Trowa added firmly and they both turned to look at Quatre expectantly.
"To friendship," he added, unwilling to be left out.
The three pilots clinked glasses, with Quatre sipping his daintily as the other two downed them in single gulps. "This is real…" Quatre breathed accusingly as he glared at them and both Duo and Trowa burst into laughter. Watching his friends be so carelessly mirthful, Quatre couldn't help but laugh himself, wincing as he did. "Ouch, stop making me laugh!"
"Sorry, sorry," Trowa snickered, elbowing Duo, who was already pouring himself a second glass of champagne.
"Has Heero shown up yet?" Duo asked, then immediately answered his own rhetoric. "No, obviously – well, I'm gonna go look for him. He should be here with us!"
"Duo, wait," Quatre said as the braided boy turned to go, still trying to catch his breath from the laughter. "Before you go, I wanted to ask you both…"
"Ask me what?"
"Tomorrow evening, have dinner with Sally and me?"
"Hmm…" Duo said, raising his eyebrow and exchanging a rather silly look with Trowa. "Is this some sorta four-way date, Quatre? How do you know we're into that?"
"Not at all!" Quatre spluttered, his cheeks goings bright red. Duo hadn't teased him in such a manner since they were in Africa and it was almost surreal to finally see the braided boy in such good spirits again.
"He's teasing," Trowa cut in, turning a mock glare on the braided boy. "Now hurry up and say yes, and then get out of here so that Quatre can get some rest."
"Yes, of course," Duo responded more seriously. "I assume it's really about 'what do we do now' and stuff? I'll pass the message on to Heero, when I find him."
"Thank you, Duo," Quatre replied, still a touch embarrassed at his reaction to the joke. "If we don't see you again, sleep well tonight, with sweet well-earned dreams."
Now it was Duo's turn to color a little as he lifted his second glass, draining it in one gulp again before reaching to grab one of the empty glasses from the table. "Same sentimental goop back at you."
"You gave me real champagne," Quatre accused lightly once Duo was out the door, trying to sound mad.
Trowa chuckled softly as he took the glass from Quatre and set it aside. "Not a bad day for your first drink, Quatre," he teased. "Or are you that perfectly law-abiding?"
"Hah, right," Quatre shook his head slowly before letting out a huge yawn. "I suppose I can let it slide – I certainly don't feel at all like a child anymore." Noticing that Quatre's eyes were starting to droop, Trowa stood up to leave, surprised when the blond reached out to catch his wrist tightly. "Would you mind staying? Or do you--"
"Not at all," Trowa replied with a sharp shake of his head, caught more by Quatre's intense gaze than the tight grip. "I can…sit with you… for awhile…" he offered, the hint of awkwardness returning now that they were alone. Neither had forgotten what had happened between them in Sandrock's cockpit not very long ago.
"Nonsense," Quatre murmured, giving Trowa's arm a little tug. "You need rest too." Are you really going to make me ask you?
Is he really asking me to…? Trowa swallowed hard and then slowly moved to sit on the edge of the bed. At the end of this day, this war, he found himself acknowledging that that there was only one thing he wanted to do – and it seemed to him that Quatre desired the same thing. Sliding down until they were side by side, he carefully pulled the blond into his arms, being careful not to bump the new stitches.
His head now pillowed on Trowa's shoulder, Quatre gave a soft sigh and let himself drift off to sleep, at peace for the first time he could remember in years.
o/~ Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold
You in my arms ~/-
*******
The first place that Duo looked for Heero was back in the hangar, but it was silent and empty, save the four Gundams within it, and he wondered if Wu Fei had even come aboard the resource satellite at all. Still, the fact that Wing Zero was in the hangar meant that it was highly likely that Heero was still on the satellite somewhere. Duo didn't care if he had to search all night to find him – he was just relieved that Heero hadn't left again without saying goodbye. That thought brought everything that had happened on Peacemillion rushing back into his mind and he picked up his pace a little, peeking into room after room, heading away from the noise and bustle as he went. He knew that Heero wasn't avoiding him specifically, the way he had once upon a time, but it irked Duo all the same that he always felt like the one giving chase. Just for once, he'd like to pin Heero down in one place and…
Biting his lip, he tried to push the distracting thought away, but his mind seemed unable to focus on any other subject. Heero… There had definitely been a moment where Duo had feared that saving Earth would cost Heero his life, and even though it hadn't, the very idea left him decidedly unsettled. Maybe a part of me, since the original self-destruct fiasco, has felt like Heero is invincible…but that's not reality. Another part of him knew all too well how real and human he was, remembered soft lips against his own and warm skin under his fingertips…
Duo would have smacked himself in the head if he hadn't been holding champagne in one hand and glasses in the other, but he figured that even that wouldn't be able to derail his train of thought. Maybe it had crept up on him bit by bit, but the boy who was so used to being on his own now felt like a piece of him was missing when his best friend wasn't by his side. He and Heero definitely had a bond, an understanding, and when the other boy wasn't there for Duo to ramble to, wasn't there to have his back at all times… it felt like his insides were tying up in knots. And as scary as that feeling was, with the war ending and people talking about the future, he'd begun to wonder if he should try and talk to Heero about how he was feeling.
When a door finally slid open to reveal Heero sitting alone on the ledge of a large viewport, the only thing Duo wanted to do was run over, grab him and kiss him senseless. Instead, he paused for a moment, his eyes traveling from one lean leg, toe barely on the floor for support, up to the curve of the perfect ass perched precariously on the ledge, from the strong shoulders resting against the wall to the messy chocolate hair, the angular profile and one dark blue eye fixed out on the stars. Even though Heero's stance was calm and peaceful, Duo could still see a hint of sadness and worry in the single blue eye, things he usually hid from other people. Duo wanted to imprint the image on his mind like a mental photograph, something to keep deep inside where no one else could see it. I am the only one who will ever see Heero sit in just this way, just this moment, see this kind of vulnerability in his expression. This moment is also once-in-a-lifetime… "Heero…" he said softly.
Heero turned at the sound of his name and when he saw that it was Duo, he smiled. "Duo…" Heero had expected the other boy to seek him out, but he was also glad that he had. Seeing the champagne bottle in Duo's hand, he inclined his head a little and questioned. "I've already missed the celebration?"
Duo crossed the room slowly, holding out the hand with two glasses in it. "We can have our own, just the two of us." He hadn't intended it to sound like a come-on, but when he saw the quirk of Heero's eyebrow, he decided that he wasn't sorry that it had.
"I don't know what I'm celebrating. I don't know what's going to happen now. The fighting might have ended for today, but I have trouble believing wholeheartedly--" Heero started, even as he accepted one of the two glasses and let Duo pour some champagne into each.
"Heero," Duo interrupted him with a shake of his head. "Trust me when I say that I'm the first to agree with you about the fighting. None of us has any idea what's going to happen next, but you know what?" He paused for a moment, setting the bottle of champagne down on the floor and lifting his glass a little higher. "Today, I want to be an optimist. Today, I want to celebrate the fact that there IS a ceasefire, no matter how long it lasts. Today, I want to celebrate the number of people who are NOT dying in battle as we speak…" Duo paused again as he choked up a little, taking a deep breath before finishing. "Today I want to celebrate the fact that everyone here wants to try for peace. That alone IS an accomplishment! Today… today I want to celebrate…"
"To peace…" Heero said softly, clinking his glass lightly against Duo's, his heart swayed by the other boy's words.
Duo grinned, reaching with his free hand to brush hastily at a tear at the corner of one eye. "To peace." Duo drained his third glass of champagne in a single gulp, as he had the first two, and was pleased to see that Heero did the same. Taking the empty glass out of Heero's hand, he stooped to set the two of them down beside the now-empty bottle of champagne. Straightening up, he took a step closer until his leg brushed up against Heero's and then he leaned in, whispering into Heero's ear. "I'm gonna kiss you now."
Heero's eyes fluttered closed as Duo's lips connected with the pulse point just behind his ear, and he let the leg perched on the windowsill slip back down to the floor, turning his body until his back was against the viewport. Duo trailed a line of feather-light kisses along Heero's jaw until he reached his chin, and then he paused, his eyes flickering up to Heero's as they opened. "Were you planning on stopping there?" Heero asked him in mock seriousness. "After convincing me of why we needed to celebrate?" Even if you did truly make me feel the reasons why.
Duo wondered just how far the invitation extended as he pulled back a little. "I'm glad I've convinced you of the why…" And I think you want me to kiss you. Duo didn't want to stop, but he'd seen the look on Heero's face when he'd walked in, too – knew that the day's events were overwhelming. "But the how is up for interpretation… if you wanted to talk…"
"I don't, not really," Heero started, then amended, not wanting Duo to think he was pushing him away. "Not yet. I just… I will, want to talk, eventually, I think… I…" Heero couldn't deny that there was a lot on his mind, but if there was anything that being with Duo had taught him, it was that sometimes he needed to put that aside and just feel his way through things. He didn't want to spend all of his time worrying about tomorrow, didn't want to feel guilty for wanting to take a moment for himself, not after what they had done today. "I wanted to make it out alive today and you're right – I don't want to dwell on the negatives either. I… don't want to be anywhere besides here, right now."
"With me?"
"With you," he confirmed, reaching out to run one thumb lightly down Duo's cheek and over his lips. "So I hope you really weren't… planning on stopping right there." He could tell that Duo was holding something back, some wave of emotion, perhaps, and he didn't know how else to give him permission to let it out. "What do you want?"
Duo nipped at the thumb as Heero pulled it away. "I…" he replied hoarsely, knowing there was no way he could put it into words. "I don't want to stop."
"Then don't."
Duo's hands landed hard on Heero's thighs, squeezing them sharply as he leaned in to claim the other boy's lips, turned on by the knowledge that they both still wanted this -- wanted each other, even though the war was over – that it wasn't happening simply because they might die tomorrow. Tongues wrestling for dominance, Duo pushed Heero's legs apart until he could grind his hips hard against the other's boy's and Heero's hands reached around to grab Duo's ass, keeping him in place. Encouraged by the response, Duo broke their kiss and slid one hand in between them, unzipping the flight suit Heero was still wearing to reveal the familiar green tank top beneath it. As he pushed the suit away from Heero's shoulders, the other boy's hands moved and quickly began unbuttoning Duo's black shirt. Both items slipped away at nearly the same instant, and limbs collided as they tried to pull each other's tank tops off at the same time. Laughing, Duo took a step back and pulled his own over his head, dropping it on the floor as he watched Heero do the same.
Heero watched Duo's expression as he then pushed down the rest of the flight suit, liking the way Duo's breath hitched when he kicked it away, leaving himself in nothing but his black spandex shorts. The braided boy's face was flushed and Heero reached to tuck three fingers into the front of his waistband, pulling him close enough to capture his mouth again. He drew Duo's tongue into his mouth and sucked on it hard, pretending to let it go before drawing it back in again sharply as he unzipped the other boy's pants.
The heat of Heero's mouth, the sucking sensation – it made Duo think of fucking as he peeled away the black spandex, and he suddenly craved the idea of being inside Heero, of trading places from the way they'd done it the last time, and he wondered if that was what Heero had been trying to imply by kissing him in such a way. They hadn't really talked about it last time – it had just happened the way it had happened and he'd enjoyed every moment – but before he could think of a way to ask without sounding like either a pervert or an idiot, Heero surprised him by breaking their kiss again.
"I can take it as well as I give it…" Heero panted softly, thinking of the joke they'd made last time as he dragged one palm down Duo's chest and then wrapped it abruptly around his cock, squeezing just a little.
Duo's hips jerked forward as he gave a guttural noise of pleasure, remembering how Heero had said much the same thing on Peacemillion, and decided that turnabout was definitely fair play between the two of them. "And I'll always meet you punch for punch," he intoned breathily in response, wrapping his own hand around Heero's cock and pumping it a few times. With his free hand, he reached to wind his fingers into Heero's hair and pulled his face in for another bruising kiss. This time, he plunged his own tongue into Heero's mouth repeatedly as he continued to stroke the other boy's cock, refusing to relent until Heero's hands stalled for a moment and he moaned into Duo's mouth.
Heero was quite aware of what Duo wanted by now, seeing as he'd all but courted it with his last comment, so when the other boy turned him around to face the viewport, he didn't fight it. Rather, he felt as if his body was burning slowly, waiting for Duo to take him, and he ground his teeth hard. The glass was icy cold underneath Heero's hands as he supported their weight and Duo ground himself against Heero's ass, reaching around to slide two of his fingers into Heero's mouth, jumping when Heero bit down on them a little too hard. "Don't," he snapped, turning his head to catch Duo's eyes over his shoulder. "Just – just do it."
"But…" Duo started, his eyebrows furrowing in concern, not at all wanting to hurt Heero. "What if I--"
Heero knew it probably came off as just a touch masochistic, but he didn't care. He knew that no matter what he asked for, Duo wouldn't judge him for it. "Duo. Your hand."
"Bossing me around even in this position?" Duo teased, biting Heero's shoulder lightly even as he held out his hand.
"Wouldn't have to if you'd just give me what I want the first time I ask," he parried back before he spit into Duo's hand. "Instead of being a tease."
"Tease?" Duo ran his hand along his own cock, then placed both of his hands on Heero's hips to brace himself. "My concern for your well-being means I'm a tease?"
Heero now braced himself with his forearms, unable to keep the smirk off of his face. "Still stalling?"
"I'm not a tease." Duo placed his cock at Heero's entrance and very slowly began to push into him, until Heero grunted out two last words.
"Prove it."
A wave of emotion rippled over Duo at the challenge and he thrust his hips forward, burying himself deep inside Heero, his body shuddering sharply at the intensity of the sensation.
Heero didn't flinch at all, but let out a long, low moan as Duo pulled out slowly and then thrust in again, his hands still gripping Heero's hips so hard that his knuckles were white. Supporting himself with both arms, Heero pressed his cheek against the cold glass as his vision spun, the glittering stars and the blue-green of Earth outside the viewport whirling dizzily.
Duo let go of Heero's hip to reach his hand around and grasp hold of his lover's leaking cock, stroking it slowly in time with each of his thrusts. "I wanna remember this…Heero… " Duo panted softly into Heero's ear. "You, me, Earth…"
Heero started to lose it as Duo's voice continued whispering intensely into his ear, his strokes getting faster and faster, so far gone in their moment of bliss that he barely knew what he was saying. Heero didn't either, but he didn't care, it didn't matter – he didn't even know which way was up, because the only thing he could focus on was the connection he felt to Duo. Leaning back against him, Heero caught the corner of Duo's mouth in a sloppy kiss before he came hard into his lover's hand with one strangled word. "Duo!"
The sound of Heero calling out his name with such abandon sent Duo right over the edge and he thrust once more before emptying himself into Heero, nearly collapsing against him in a daze.
Heero took a few deep breaths, giving them each a moment to come back to reality before Duo reluctantly withdrew and Heero turned to face him. "Duo?" he asked in concern, immediately noticing the stricken look on the other boy's face.
"Heero…" Duo started, drawing the end of his braid into his hand nervously. "Heero, I…" I want to say it to him. I do. But I can't even say it to myself yet. What's wrong with me?
Heero saw the struggle in Duo's indigo eyes and felt a moment of unusual anxiety overtake him. I think I know what he wants to say, but… am I ready to hear it? Or return it? Grabbing Duo by the hand, Heero tugged him away from the viewport. "Come on, let's get cleaned up."
Duo blinked at him for a moment, his mouth opening and closing a few times before he relaxed, looking a little relieved that hero had broken the moment as he nodded. "Then this is--"
"My room, per Lady Une," he finished Duo's unasked question. "Yours is next door."
Duo grinned at the remark, raising an eyebrow in amusement. "Will I be needing it?"
Heero nudged open the door to the bathroom with a shake of his head and a small smile, letting go of Duo's hand to turn the shower on. "Only if you'd rather me sleep in your bed."
Duo pulled the hair tie from the end of his braid and began to unravel it, climbing into the shower right behind Heero and pulling the door closed behind them. The water and light bounced off the walls of the small compartment as the glass began to steam up, casting shadows onto their faces as they gazed at each other. Duo stepped forward until he could rest his head on Heero's shoulder, winding arms around his waist as Heero's came up around his shoulders. "As long as I can fall asleep with my head on your shoulder just like this, I don't care where we sleep." As long as it's together.
o/~ Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold
You in my arms
I just wanted to hold ~/o