Author's Notes: This feels like it's been the longest winter of my life. Writing this chapter set in May gave me an outlet to express my desire for warmer weather and blooming flowers. I can can admit to you now that this chapter and the next are pure unrepentant (mostly) fluff. Just don't expect it to last forever, as Endless Waltz still looms in the distance.
Things have been a little crazy lately - H's wallet got stolen at the campus bookstore and the girl that stole it (caught on tape) took our debit card to Bloomingdale's and spent over $600. *headdesk* Cross your fingers that the bank gets the tape and gives the $ back to us soon.
Much love to my reviewers - you definitely inspire me to keep going on rough days.
KS: Your comment from last time reads like a preview of this chapter and re-reading it now makes me giggle. I hope you enjoy this one.
Snow: I laughed *really* hard at your quail story. Ah, coincidences... Want you to know that I really enjoyed the amusement park chapters. I actually have a weird obsession with the idea of old abandoned amusement parks - I blame an old book and an old movie from childhood, but can't recall either title. So you really hit my buttons in return! Ah, coincidences!
Caedi: The bad news: we probably won't hear from Wu Fei until EW The good news: I've got plans that go past EW, through the 4 months preceding Episode Zero's Preventer mission and then onwards towards... well, I can't give it all away!
roninlvr: Thank you so much for your compliments on the last chapter. I really wasn't sure how well the unusual chapter was going to be received, but I'd had it in my mind to write it in that style for a long time. They have grown a lot, sometimes not entirely in the ways I first expected - but they have a loong way to go.
violet: Thanks for reviewing! It always means a lot to me when people take the time to comment and share their thoughts. I actually sat donw and scripted anything in the series worth using - I'm anal-retentive about things matching up because I love the believability factor that goes into it - it's so easy to imagine everything happening off camera!
Wow, there are now 41 people that have this story on alert! Thank you so much! Even though I don't hear personally from all of you, I love to know that you're enjoying the story enough to want to know what happens next. I can't believe it's been around a year since I first started drawing up outlines and writing the initial chapters.
Hoping for spring!
--D
Chapter 23 – Breakaway
o/~ Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray o/~
Heero stood patiently just inside the door of Relena's office waiting for her to finish a phone call and found himself glad for the momentary respite from the frenzied party preparations. His friends were all due to arrive within the hour and he was eager to get away from the castle to go greet them. It wasn't because he didn't know how to answer if someone happened to ask him where they should set up the audio system or how to get to the kitchen or what wing the French Ambassador was staying in… he generally knew the answers. But the idea that everyone realized that… it was simply a little uncomfortable. Heero preferred his anonymity, and in Sanc, it was quickly dwindling. He would have thought that working out in the city most days, no one would know who he was, but it seemed lately as if everyone around Relena, anyone that worked for Sanc and its rebuilding, seemed to know his true role. Not that anyone could actually define or label that role, but… they still seem to know that my opinion is valuable to Relena, and she is still, despite her objections, their Princess.
"Heero?"
The lilt of Relena's voice as she stood and came around her desk was lighter than the heavy-handed politician on the phone and it startled him out of his thoughts. "Relena."
"Are you leaving for the airport now?" She didn't head towards him, but moved to the glass doors that led out onto the balcony, pushing one open to let the warm spring breeze in.
Heero crossed the room to follow Relena as she stepped out onto the balcony, looking out over the gardens as people ran back and forth making final preparations. "Train first, to meet Trowa. I've got the billing slip for the bakery here for you to sign – I'll drop it back to them before I leave."
"The weather is amazing… it feels more like June," Relena replied, wrapping both hands around the railing and leaning out into the sunlight. "Some of the roses have bloomed early. They were always Milliardo's favorite when we were children." She paused for a moment and glanced over her shoulder to smile at Heero where he was leaning casually against the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest. "I did this for him, Heero…"
Heero said nothing, sensing her need to unburden her mind, and after another pause, she continued.
"I know how much Sanc meant to him, always… what he thought he sacrificed for its preservation. It was the least I could do for my brother – re-building this place, as exactly as old blueprints and my memories could design… it was the only thing I could think to do for what little ghost of who-he-once-was that still hovers in the air here. It doesn't mean the same thing to me… it never has, and it probably never will. But I just thought…"
Relena's voice cracked and Heero saved her pride by interrupting. "I'm certain he would have appreciated it. Though his methods were questionable, I think we both know that in his own way, he meant the best for you and Sanc, for --"
"I know," she cut him off, a bright smile on her face as she turned to face him, holding out her hand for the delivery slip to sign. "Don't let me make you late to meet your friends."
But before Heero could hand it to her, there was a knock on the office door and Relena brushed quickly by him, heading back inside to answer it. "Princess Relena!"
Princess? No one actually calls her that to her face. Heero had already taken a step inside and Dorothy stopped abruptly as she caught sight of him.
"… and Heero."
"Dorothy, you're early!" Relena finally and awkwardly exclaimed in surprise.
"Dorothy," Heero greeted her, raising one eyebrow as he held out the bakery's billing slip to Relena again. "Good to see you've fully recovered from any injuries sustained during the war."
Dorothy's gaze narrowed a little and she stepped closer to Relena as she signed the paper and handed it back to Heero. "Are you asking me for a re-match, Heero?"
Relena looked back and forth between them somewhat nervously, but Heero waited until he was halfway out the door to toss back over his shoulder. "Wouldn't want you to spend the party at the hospital." As the door clicked shut behind him, he could hear Relena's voice hiss softly.
"I thought I told you not to call me that in public!"
*******
"Duo, put your seatbelt back on! Our wheels have barely hit the ground!" Quatre's words were lost on his friend as the air carrier slowed to a stop, but he smiled to himself as Duo moved to unlock and open the heavy door, glad to see the other boy in such high spirits. He's been so moody since the attack on the clean-up crews happened…
"Don't give me that bullshit, Quat," Duo chirped back as he set the now open door back into its holding place. "I know you're just as excited as I am to be here!" Grinning, he gave Quatre the peace sign before ducking his head out the door, waiting impatiently for the Sanc airport team to move the staircase into place. I would just climb down the wing and wheel, but then Quatre might really have a fit. Blinking under the bright sunlight, he held up one hand to shield his eyes as he scanned the ground and then his face broke into a grin. "Heero! Trowa!"
Heero lifted a hand in greeting as Duo ran down the stairs, a blur of black and red and flying braid that nearly tackled him to the ground. "Hey…" he murmured, hugging him tightly, surprised at the sudden knot forming in his gut.
Duo gave himself just a moment to bury his face in the curve where Heero's neck met his shoulder and breath in his familiar scent. "Hey…" Duo echoed, much softer than his initial greeting. He lifted his head to meet Heero's eyes, his mind churning torrentially with all of the hopes and fears, dreams and likes and dislikes they'd written into those letters. Should I expect Heero to treat me any differently? Did anything we wrote change things between us? There was so much he wanted to say, wanted to do, but Quatre was coming down the stairs and Trowa was standing just behind Heero, trying to be polite. Pulling back a bit reluctantly, Duo smiled at Heero, certain he'd felt the same current of electricity run between them just now, and Heero smiled back, which calmed his nerves a little.
"Have you gotten taller?" Trowa questioned in surprise as he hugged Duo lightly, pretending to measure the braided boy's height against his own.
"Shh!" Duo hissed, bringing a finger to his lips. "Don't say that or Quatre will think his new meal plans are having a positive effect!"
Trowa raised an eyebrow, but before he could respond, Quatre had reached them, hugging Heero first before moving towards Trowa and Duo. "Quatre," Trowa said warmly, stepping forward to embrace his friend, crushing him quickly to his chest in the comforting way he'd wanted to for a long time. "That's the one I owe you," he whispered in his ear, pulling back a little with a grin at the surprised flush on the blond's cheeks. "And here's another one for now." He pulled Quatre against him a second time, this time nearly lifting him off the ground.
Duo bit his lip and nudged Heero lightly as they watched their two friends, but not wanting to embarrass either of them, Heero turned and headed back towards the terminal. "There's a car waiting for us, per Relena's request." he called back. "The party starts in about two hours."
Quatre and Trowa parted as Duo jogged a little to catch up with him. "And the mobile suits?"
"We'll store them where Noin and I keep ours, below the castle," he answered. "Someone will bring yours bags over as well."
"Hmm… is this what it feels like to be royalty?"
"Very funny, Maxwell."
*******
Duo found himself regretting his earlier jokes once they reached Sanc Castle. It didn't look much of anything like the towers and turrets and moats he'd seen in pictures – in fact, most of it looked more like the school he and Heero had posed at together, what was beginning to feel like a lifetime ago. Of course, as Quatre had insisted on explaining to him, Sanc Kingdom was more of a city built around the school now, had been for several hundred years, but the building on the grounds that the Peacecraft family used to occupy was still referred to as the castle. It did admittedly look a little bit more elegant and castle-like than everything else, but it still wasn't what Duo was expecting. None of this bothered him at all until they were shown to a suite overlooking the gardens and he realized that "party clothes" had already been laid out for them in the main sitting room.
"What is this stuff? Is that really… ruffles?" Duo gaped at the clothes as Trowa picked up a shirt with a smirk.
"Come on, Duo – I've worn stranger things during circus acts."
"Yes, but those are called costumes," he emphasized as Trowa disappeared into one of the four bedrooms, wondering why he was the only one who found the white suits strange.
Quatre looked up from where he was pulling his violin case out of the pile of bags that had been waiting for them when they arrived, already dressed. "It's a formal event, Duo."
"Like black tie? Then why are we all wearing white?" he bemoaned as Heero came out of his room, also already dressed, and picked the clothes up off of the couch to place them in Duo's hands.
"It's Sanc Kingdom tradition," Quatre explained in amusement as Heero turned Duo towards his room and gave him a playful push. "And no, not black tie. That's very old-fashioned. In Sanc, all of the royals, nobles and students have always worn white. It's an honor that Relena considers us part of her… entourage, for lack of a better word."
Duo pouted slightly even as he marched towards his room. "But ruffles? Seriously?"
Ignoring him, Quatre stood up and brushed himself off, adjusting his vest a little. The outfits were very similar to what he and Heero had worn the last time they visited the kingdom, but he still remembered how much Heero had disliked them at first too. Biting back an undignified snicker by pretending to clear his throat, Quatre leaned closer to Heero to whisper "Don't be too hard on him," and then resumed speaking in a normal tone of voice. "Heero, I'm going to take Trowa with me to the music halls so that we can practice together. We're going to play something at the party, a small birthday gift. Will you let me know when our violist arrives?"
"Violist?" Trowa said in surprise as he returned, flute case in hand. "Have you already picked out some music?"
From the other room, Duo missed the end of the conversation as Trowa and Quatre departed, but he just barely registered the words "birthday gift" and felt his stomach drop. Do I need to give her a gift too? He hardly knew Relena, and unfortunately, most of what he knew of her wasn't entirely pleasant. They had nothing in common as far as he could tell, and if it wasn't for the fact that all of his friends were here, he doubted that he would have shown up. That thought made him feel even guiltier than the idea of not having a present for her, and it was then that he noticed Heero's reflection in the mirror as he came to stand in the doorway, watching Duo fight with the ruffled thing on the front of his shirt. "I feel ridiculous!" he complained playfully. "Is this really what everyone's going to dress like? I won't fit in at all! And I don't have a gift! Can't we just stay here?" He tried to make his statements sound like a joke, but they were laced with the truth. He wasn't really that bothered by the clothing or the party, the gift was only somewhat troubling… I just… want the party to be over already.
"Let me…" Heero said, crossing the room as Duo turned to face him. "We can't stay here, because not only would it be really rude, but Quatre would never let us hear the end of it. Relena probably wouldn't either." Duo sighed in exasperation and Heero took that as permission to step closer and untangle the tie. He could tell that Duo was feeling a little bit out of place and placated him by answering each remark. "Yes, everyone really dresses like this, and I don't think Relena will care about the gift. You should just… be yourself." Less than a hand's reach away, he could feel the warmth radiating off of Duo's body as he re-tied and adjusted the frill, and when he moved to step back, Duo caught one of his wrists sharply to stop him.
"…I've missed you." Duo watched the flickers of emotion pass over Heero's face and wondered if the other boy's thoughts echoed any of his own. Just seeing him again, just standing here in the same room and trying to process that he wrote every word of those letters to me… Duo could hear his heartbeat in his ears in the silence of the room, starting to race.
Heero lifted one hand to brush the bangs out of Duo's face and then he leaned in to close the small amount of space left between them. They kissed softly once, twice, and then Heero caught Duo's bottom lip between his teeth and tugged lightly. Duo let go of Heero's wrist to wind both arms around his waist, pulling their bodies snug against one another as Heero curled one hand into the base of Duo's braid.
"I've missed you too," Heero finally breathed against Duo's lips before claiming them again, stifling a groan as Duo's mouth opened under his assault. The knot in his stomach seemed to burn as Heero pinned the other boy to the wall, shoving a knee roughly between his legs as Duo fought him for dominance of the kiss. This is why I can't sleep at night.
"Sure we… can't stay here?" Duo gasped breathlessly as Heero broke away to lay a line of kisses down his neck, pausing when the very same frill he'd tied kept him from going any farther. He considered Duo's suggestion as the braided boy slid one hand down to squeeze his ass, but froze when there was a sharp knock on the door.
"Quatre? Heero?"
Heero ignored the whispered string of curses coming from Duo as he paused to straighten his clothes in the mirror before heading to the door to greet Noin. "Trowa and Quatre have already left," he said as he pulled the door open, surprised to find Noin in a very well-fitted navy blue dress and heels.
"There's a viola player at the front door looking for Quatre," Noin started, pausing as Duo came up behind Heero and both boys stared at her in surprise.
"Nice…dress…" Duo said slowly, giving her an ear-splitting grin and a thumbs up.
"Relena insisted," Noin turned positively red as she choked the words out, which only made Duo grin harder, and Heero couldn't help but crack a smile himself. "And Heero, do you know where the bakery put the cake? I've checked every refrigerator and the tent and it's nowhere to be found."
*******
o/~ Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I'd pray
I could break away ~/o
*******
"Beethoven – Serenade in D for flute, violin and viola, Op. 25," Quatre said in a breathless rush as he handed the music to Trowa on their way to the practice hall.
"Beethoven? Really?" Trowa replied, his eyes widening a little as he flipped it open and began to scan the first movement, a rather chipper march opened by the flute.
"I know!" The blond grinned as he pushed open the door to his favorite hall, the one where he'd come to play the grand piano when he and Heero had last been in Sanc. He could tell immediately that some of the stained glass was different now – the colored patterns created by the sunlight filtering through were not exactly the same as in his memory – but the room has been wonderfully restored. "Back in the 19th century, pre-colony timeline, it was very common to replace one of the violins with a flute when performing one of his string quartets and so he never really wrote any chamber works with the flute. This Serenade is the only substantial piece flute piece he ever wrote."
Setting his case down on one of the couches in the room, Trowa took a moment to look around the room before responding. "I admit to being impressed by your obscure musical knowledge of the ancient composers, but I have to ask – why Beethoven?"
"Why indeed," Quatre replied, setting his violin case down beside Trowa's flute case and sliding onto the piano bench. "Other than the sheer fact that he is one of the most brilliant composers to have ever lived…" He played a flourish up and down the piano, a few measures of this or that piano sonata or symphony, so fast Trowa could barely recall the names, and then paused to lean closer, whispering conspiratorially. "He happens to be one of Relena's favorites."
"Brilliant and charming," Trowa teased, turning to walk back to the couch. He bent to open the case, popping his flute together in a few clicks. "And before you protest, I can flatter you all I want."
Quatre flushed, rising to head to the closet and pull out two music stands. "Just know that I keep your around for your wit and talent, Barton – not the compliments." Returning to set the stands by the piano, he removed his bow from the case and began to rosin it, his cheeks still a little pink.
"But you don't mind those either." Trowa flipped open the music on the stand and with his back to Quatre, smiled to himself. He had been a little worried about their friendship, being so out of touch in the last few months, but back in the same room as Quatre, he found that he actually felt a lot less awkward than he had when they'd parted ways back on the satellite. Perhaps words to words, it was easier for both of us to let the past go… stop blaming each other or ourselves.
"Trowa?" Quatre reached to touch the taller boy's arm, worried when he lapsed into silence, but Trowa merely placed his own hand over Quatre's to reassure him. "So, tell me about this piece?"
"Six movements in the form of a Classical divertimento – but exchanging the second minuet for a scherzo." The words tumbled out of Quatre's mouth reflexively, but for a moment, all of his senses were focused on the warmth of Trowa's hand covering his own.
"Start at the beginning?" Trowa suggested. "Should be able to sight-read most of it, but we can stop and work out the… kinks…" Lifting his hand, he took a step back and brought his flute up, waiting for Quatre's confirmation.
Quatre reached to pluck his violin out of the case, tuning it quickly thanks to his nearly-perfect pitch, and then he nodded to Trowa.
They'd only played together once before, but it didn't feel that way as they wove their way through the piece, sensing each other's phrasing and breathing intuitively. It wasn't always easy for a wind player and a string player to find each other's rhythm, but they were having no trouble. It's not unlike the battlefield. Quatre thought to himself as they approached the frenzied sixth movement scherzo. Knowing when to back off, when to push forward… if one shot or one note off by a split second, the harmony is ruined… but ours is flawless - perhaps we know each other more deeply than we realize.
The music rose and fell around them, echoing in the hall, and Trowa knew he was feeling joy for the first time in months. Quatre had chosen this as their dialogue and as his fingers fluttered over the keys, he thought he could almost hear the sentiments expressed without words. When they reached the final chord, he slowly lowered his flute, breathing a little heavily as he stared at the other boy, but Quatre's eyes did not leave his. Very slowly, as if time was molasses engulfing them, he set his flute down on the couch and reached to take Quatre's violin out of his hands.
It would be nearly impossible to call either of them the initiator because they simply flowed towards each other simultaneously, melting into a kiss far more passionate than any they'd shared thus far. Devouring each other's mouths, Trowa back-peddled Quatre right into the side of the piano before lifting him up and onto it. Quatre threaded his hands into Trowa's hair and wrapped both legs around him, pulling their hips in snug to grind against each other - and never once did their kiss falter.
"Hot damn." Duo clamped a hand over his mouth in surprise as he stepped into the room and pulled the door softly shut behind him, but his friends jumped apart like they'd been burned, both turning to look at him with similarly sheepish expressions.
"Duo…" Trowa greeted him, trying desperately to keep a straight face despite his ragged breathing.
"It's… not what it looks like?" Quatre started weakly, biting his lip and knowing full well that they'd been caught. I'm still sitting on top of the piano, after all.
Duo couldn't help but laugh - long and loud - at the expressions on both of their faces. I can't wait to tell Heero. "Oh, I think it's exactly what I think it is – not that I have any room to talk – I just came to tell you that your violist is here."
*******
In his memory, it was all rubble.
It had been the type of afternoon that made him wonder if he really was dead and the surreal scenes he'd witnessed during his search of the castle grounds were just a part of his fucked-up version of an afterlife.
But as he stumbled away from the stained glass windows of the music hall, he recalled that he'd never been able to smell in dreams.
The garden was an onslaught to his senses.
He should have been dead and he wasn't and he didn't know yet what to do about it.
*******
By the time the party began, Duo decided he had learned at least one thing about Relena – she had excellent taste – but it hadn't helped him a bit in figuring out what to give her for her birthday.
The sun was just starting to disappear behind the edge of the mountains, leaving a rolling mass of puffy clouds turned rose and violet in its wake, as the guests began to take their seats at the candlelit tables. As if Relena had taken a cue from the sunset, all of the flowers were gorgeous pinks, peaches and yellows that were warm and bright against the white linens, and strings of twinkling lights were hung from arches covered in greenery. Duo stood for a long time at the edge of the crowd, admiring the scenery and letting his mouth water with the scents drifting outside from the kitchen, until Heero found him and apologized for his lengthy disappearance.
"No worries - the most important question," Duo chided as they wove their way around the table searching for their name cards. "Did you find the cake?"
"I did find the cake," he replied with a bemused expression. "It was in the kitchen all along – just in a very non-descript box. Why do you care?"
"I'm looking forward to eating it!"
"Hmm… from what I hear, Quatre won't let you if you don't eat your vegetables."
Duo glared at him playfully, wondering why this joke seemed to be the new favorite among his friends, but deep down it made him happy to have silly antics with them. It had been a really long time since he'd experienced that kind of group banter, and it made it a little easier to look back on some of those rough early days with Solo and his friends on the street. Times I used to try not to think about, but… maybe it hurts a little less now.
Trowa and Quatre were already waiting for them at the table, and as soon as everyone was seated, Relena made her entrance, walking through the center of the tent and greeting everyone as she passed by. Her dress was the same pink as the flowers, but to Duo, that was the only way she looked any different than the last time he'd seen her. But it already feels like a lifetime ago. "This is weird." Duo was the first to speak as dinner began to be served, as honest as ever.
"The party?" Heero asked as he picked at the salad. A glance over at Duo showed that the other boy hadn't even touched it, but he'd already eaten his way through half of the basket of bread on the table.
"Or the food?" Quatre smiled a little as he reached to pluck Duo's knife from the butter, setting it down on the edge of his plate instead, happy as he looked around the table at the faces of his friends. Weird or not, it feels good to be here.
"Being together again?" Trowa added, his hand underneath the table sliding over to squeeze Quatre's leg lightly. How could I have thought of giving this up?
"All of that," Duo replied with a shake of his head, pretending he hadn't seen Quatre correct his table manners. It was old habit by now and he could admit that sometimes he did things wrong just see if it would irk his friend. All part of the joke. "Being together while not fighting for our lives? It still feels… weird."
There was a moment of silence that seemed to signal everyone's agreement with the statement and then Quatre changed the subject. "I'm really glad that everyone kept in touch," he started quickly. "But I was wondering what upcoming plans you have?"
Duo raised an eyebrow at this, but seeing as he'd just stuffed half of another roll into his mouth, he waited to see what his other friends would say in response. He and Quatre had spent most of their recent time on L4 or at various other Winner properties, and even though the clean-up wasn't scheduled to begin again until the autumn, they hadn't really decided whether to return without Sally leading it. All I seem to be doing lately… waiting for my friends to tell me what their plans are and tagging along.
"Just back to the circus," Trowa said with a shrug. "But I assume you're asking for a reason other than curiosity?"
"Plans are somewhat sketchy," Heero added, pausing a moment to wait as their plates were cleared in preparation for the next course. "Relena has two weeks of conferences scheduled in India starting in a few days, but I may have some other work alongside… have you all heard about the outcome of the Preventers' weapons' bill?"
"Only that it passed," Quatre said. "And that the new government's insistence on de-militarization continues to focus on mobile suits."
Heero frowned and nodded slowly. "As hard as Lady Une, Noin and I fought it, they refused to let even the Preventers keep mobile suits. The entire defense force is really going to end up as more of an intelligence agency with weapons training, defense training..."
"And that's supposed to prevent another war?" Duo suddenly snapped out. "I mean, I know there's peace now, but am I the only one paranoid enough to worry that everyone's being just a little too idealistic? Look at what happened--"
"Duo," Quatre said sharply as the braided boy's voice rose in volume, causing a few other guests to glance their way, and after a moment, Duo grumbled a little as he sat back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. "We're all aware that remnants of White Fang still exist, that terrorist groups on Earth are still causing problems… which brings me back to my original reason behind my question."
"I knew there was a reason," Trowa made a conspiratorial face across the table at Duo, whose expression softened a little, and Quatre look a moment to give them both mock-glares. We've all bonded in our own ways through those letters, and slowly the layers reveal themselves.
"You want to know why the government has ignored us completely so far," Heero supplied smoothly, not even looking up as he carefully carved his meat into small pieces. "Why we're outside their jurisdiction? Or are we?"
"I hadn't even thought about it," Duo's eyes widened a little as he sat up again and looked at Heero in surprise. "I guess because we've been mostly on our own for so long."
"Exactly," Heero nodded to him and then addressed Quatre again. "The new government sees us… not as heroes, per se, but… we're not perceived as a threat to peace. I think that there may be some voices, especially among those previously associated with OZ, who are content, at least currently, to let us exist as a failsafe. To answer your previous question more fully - Lady Une, now Secretary of Defense, is also the new director of the Preventers. She's already asked me if I would design training modules for them to use at the academy they're going to be establishing over the summer. The first set of recruits, very carefully hand-selected, is going to begin training this fall."
"That's what you meant by other work," Trowa nodded in appreciation of Heero's plans. "Are you planning on joining the Preventers, then?"
Heero hesitated for a moment, though he kept his gaze trained on Trowa. "No. I honestly won't even consider it."
Heero offered no further explanation for his decision as he resumed eating his dinner and after an awkward moment of silence, Quatre decided to leave the matter alone and push forward. After all, I'm not planning on joining the Preventers either, so what place do I have to question why Heero's decided the same? "Along the line of failsafe," he started slowly, tapping fingers nervously on the edge of the table, uncertain of how his friends would perceive his proposition. "I've been sketching out possible modifications and upgrades in my spare time."
"What spare time?" Duo blurted out, his fork halfway to his mouth with the last bite of something delicious with creamy sauce that he could not identify. Between space clean-up, business meetings and family meetings, ICM's and teleconferences… Quatre never seems to sleep, but he finds time to design Gundam upgrades?
Quatre colored slightly at the remark, but continued to explain. "I suppose I agree with Duo – I'm afraid of being too idealistic. Until we do hear from the new government one way or the other, I'd rather keep our Gundams and ourselves in perfect condition. I know that… that each of us wants to move on now, but…" he hesitated, waiting for a reaction.
Silence fell around the table again and surprisingly, it was Trowa who broke it this time. "The mission may be over, but… if war were to start again, could any of us sit here and say we would not be involved?"
"Howard's back on Earth," Duo offered quietly. Why do I feel like there's a weight lifting off of me?
"I think it's an excellent idea," Heero added thoughtfully, his mind already spinning possibilities. "And far easier to do working together, Howard or not – not to mention, having all of your help with the training modules would make them that much more versatile and seamless."
"Then it's decided!" Quatre clasped his hands together excitedly. "All we need is the where-and-when. We'll need somewhere with a lot of space and little population, for safe testing…"
"I want to speak to Relena and Noin," Heero cut in quickly. "I've already agreed to go to India next week, but perhaps after that… this work for the Preventers needs to be done before the summer is through, and that would be far easier if I didn't have to play bodyguard."
A tingling fork against a glass reverberated through the garden and the crowd began to quiet as Noin stood up. "In ten minutes, we're going to open the floor for dancing!"
"Oh, that's our cue!" Quatre leaned closer to Duo to whisper something, and when the other boy nodded, the two musicians stood and quietly edged away from the tables.
"They want to play first, and I'm introducing them!" Duo leaned in to whisper an explanation to Heero and then ran off to join his friends, leaving Heero alone at the table to ponder their conversation. Despite his convoluted commitment to Relena, he felt he had been open and upfront about his thoughts on the issues. Quatre had as well, but Heero wasn't convinced that his zeal didn't have something to do with needing a new excuse to escape his family. Trowa had predictably hidden behind the circus and Duo had… Well, Duo hadn't really given away much of what he was thinking at all, beyond his obvious anger at what had happened to the clean-up crews.
Was he bothered by my answer to Trowa? Is he thinking of joining the Preventers? Heero wondered if he should have tried to talk to Duo about the subject before responding so sharply, but what was done was done, and he wasn't going to change his mind about it. The moment Relena had irreversibly taken the Preventers out of his hands, he'd known he couldn't do it anymore. He could not work for the government or take orders from anyone else after living with his own moral compass as his law. It just wasn't possible. It didn't mean he had figured out what to do next – he simply knew what he wasn't going to do next.
Rising as the rest of the crowd began to shuffle towards the open pavilion being used as the dance floor, he made his way over to where his friends were setting up their instruments. The crowd had shifted towards them as if sensing something was about to happen, so he found a place along the edge where he could watch unobtrusively as Duo walked out in front of them with an easy grin on his face.
"Good evening, ladies and gents'… I'm proud to present my good friends Trowa Barton on flute and Quatre Raberba Winner on violin, and their violist, Astala Chandler, playing a birthday gift for the lovely Relena - Serenade in D for flute, violin and viola, Op. 25, by Ludwig van Beethoven."
Heero bit back a smirk when Duo emphasized the word lovely, and his mind drifted as the music began to play. Somewhere in the middle of the last movement, he was startled out of his thoughts by a hand on his elbow. Thinking for a moment that Duo had come to find him, he offered a small smile as he turned away from the music, only to realize belatedly that it was Relena.
Relena didn't even seem to notice his smile as she tugged on his sleeve, drawing them away a little bit so that he could hear her when she leaned in closer. "I need you to dance with me."
"What?"
"Please, Heero," she hissed, glancing quickly around as if she was looking to see if someone was watching them. "Noin wants me to start off the dancing."
Heero frowned, glancing around himself, but Trowa and Quatre were still playing and he couldn't even find Duo in the crowd from where he was standing. "Can't you ask someone else?"
"Like the dignitaries who all came with their wives? Please, just one dance. I already know you can dance. It's my birthday. Don't make me beg."
Relena's hand had moved from his elbow down his arm until she finally clasped one of his hands between both of hers. On one hand, she's definitely abusing the fact that it's her birthday to get her way… but on the other hand, she's oddly frantic for such a simple occasion… Heero weighed the decision in his mind, more curious than annoyed, but he never had the chance to answer her properly as a spotlight suddenly blinded him completely.
"There she is!" Noin's voice rang out over the party-goers as she gestured for Relena to come forward. Other musicians had set up beside Trowa and Quatre, who it appeared had been asked to stay on and play some more. Heero only barely registered what was happening as Relena tugged him by the hand into the center of the group and by then, it was too late to say no. Not that I'd made my mind up…
Relena beamed her brightest politician grin at Heero as she placed one hand on his shoulder, but it was nothing like the smile she'd given him that afternoon. After a moment, she breathed an inward sigh of relief as other couples quickly joined them on the dance floor. They said nothing while they danced, but when it was over, Relena leaned in to kiss Heero's cheek, whispering her thanks before turning and disappearing immediately into the crowd at the edge of the pavilion.
"What was that all about?" Heero muttered to himself, tempted to follow her and ask, but he was more concerned about Duo. The entire dance had been vaguely awkward and even though he'd spent most of it scanning the crowd, he still hadn't been able to spot the other boy anywhere. Circling the dance floor towards his other friends, he waited for a break in the music to ask them, but neither had seen Duo since his introduction. A quick scan of the tables and dance floor confirmed that he wasn't with the other guests. Heading inside the castle, Heero first checked the kitchen and then tried their rooms, but he didn't find Duo in either of those places.
After a frustrating third loop around the castle, Heero had just decided to head back outside when he heard muffled voices coming from Relena's office. Doubling back, he inched carefully towards the door and leaned his ear against the heavy wood, reaching carefully to try the handle. Unlocked… The voices were too soft for him to tell who it was. Security is an issue with so many people present… If someone unauthorized was in her office, he ought to apprehend them, and if it turned out to be Relena herself, no harm done.
Heero pushed the door open, lamenting the fact that he didn't have a gun, and froze the moment his eyes re-focused on the scene in front of him.
Relena was sitting on her desk in profile, her legs wrapped around the waist of one Dorothy Catalonia, ankles linked daintily. Relena's hands were tangled in Dorothy's blonde mane as they kissed and Heero could tell just how far up her legs Dorothy's hands were, as the skirt of the fluttery pink party dress did not quite conceal them.
"H-Heero!" Relena squeaked, breaking the kiss as she turned and realized who had interrupted them.
Heero wasn't shocked – not really. Relena and… Dorothy? He'd already put together that they were good friends… though admittedly, his mind hadn't quite gone down this tangent on its own. The spectacle seemed to render him speechless for a moment. Think, Yuy, think!
"It's… time for cake."
As he stepped back and closed the door behind him, he could almost hear Duo's voice in his head. "Smooth."
Where is he? Heero hadn't searched the grounds thoroughly yet – maybe he would find Duo in the gardens.
*******
o/~ Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jetplane
Far away
And break away ~/o
Okay. Okay… I can admit…that I might just maybe be… the smallest littlest tiniest bit… pissed off.
Duo didn't need to glance over his shoulder as he walked away – he was pretty damn sure that the image was burned into his mind already. He just hadn't been expecting it, it had taken him by surprise…
Okay, maybe more than a little.
It wasn't that he thought there was anything between Heero and Relena… but seeing them out there dancing together while Quatre and Trowa were playing for everyone… It was lame, it was childish, it was overly dramatic… but it made him feel a little left out… insignificant. But that feeling comes from the greater whole… the bigger picture of feeling generally out of place, now that the war is over.
Jamming his hands into his pants pockets, Duo sighed and stubbed the toe of one uncomfortable white shoe in the dirt to kick at a pebble as he wandered away from the party. The lines of twinkling lights trailed out into the gardens, woven through the rose bushes, but away from the glow of the party, it was dark enough to see the stars appearing overhead. Finding an ornately carved stone bench to sit on, Duo leaned back and looked up, counting how many colonies he could see mixed in.
How was he supposed to know what to do next? He'd bounced from place to place for so many years before meeting Professor G, and since then, all he had known was the mission, the war, the Gundam… I don't think I've felt this way since Trowa blew up Deathscythe. Maybe I'm having separation anxiety from my old buddy. Chuckling a little to himself at the strange irony, he wondered if spending the summer with his friends would help him regain his balance. They all seemed to have a better idea than him about what they did or did not want to do next – or maybe they were just better at pretending. No one seemed to want to talk about it, not really. Oh, they talked about "what to do next", but not one of them had actually asked each other, as far as he knew, "what do you want to do with the rest of your life?" Even in his letters back and forth with Heero about anything and everything, they'd only barely scratched the surface of it. Where do I want to go? What do I want to do? Who do I want to be? Was he really the only one wondering these things?
As he thought about his friends, Duo wondered if he could take any of their paths in the end. Watching Quatre's struggles with the Winner family business made him glad there wasn't anyone expecting anything of him right now. He also knew he had no desire to be caught up in politics like Heero and didn't think Trowa seemed sincerely happy that he'd had an "old life" to return to with the circus. Of all of his friends, Duo sometimes wondered if he should have done as Wu Fei had – disappeared into the void. Crawled back under the rock I originally came from…
As distracted as he was, Duo still tensed at the sound of softly approaching footsteps.
"Hey."
"Hey…" Duo felt some of the tension drain away as Heero slid onto the bench next to him, as if just having him there... it makes everything make more sense. Stupid dance aside, Duo knew he wasn't really angry at Heero. He was just more and more bothered by how restless and out of place he'd been feeling lately.
"What are you doing out here?" Heero's tone was mild as he glanced at Duo out of the corner of his eye, bothered by the slump he saw in the other boy's shoulders.
Duo's response was light and even as his gaze came down from the stars to rest on a single yellow rose, blooming a hand's reach away, amidst the strings of twinkling lights. "Just… needed some space. Didn't think anyone would miss me."
"Didn't think anyone would miss you?" Heero echoed the words as he turned slightly, sliding one arm along the back of the bench to snag the end of Duo's braid in his hand. "Just because Queen Relena…" he paused for emphasis, hoping Duo would remember all the times they'd written the truth into their letters, into their touches. "…dragged me into one dance with her on her birthday…"
"It's not a big deal," Duo muttered with a small shrug - but there was the hint of a smile on his lips now. Quinister.
Heero tugged on the end of Duo's hair as he leaned in to whisper sharply into his ear. "Don't be an idiot."
Duo felt a chill go down his spine as Heero's breath ghosted across his neck. "I'm not," he said softly, sliding one hand over to rest on Heero's knee. "I know it didn't, doesn't... mean anything. I was just…"
When Duo paused, Heero tugged the braid again, surprised when he received a small growl in response. "Truth."
"Don't." Duo turned towards Heero, reaching to pull his hair out of the other boy's grasp. "Seriously, it drives me crazy. Long story, some other day. And, well, lost. I was feeling lost, have been feeling lost. Don't know what to do next, don't know how to talk about it – don't know if I want to talk about it, am ready to think about it, about anything. But time – time is a fickle bitch. You do nothing and it still keeps clicking on by."
"I… get it."
"I know. I was just saying…"
"If you decide you want to..."
"I know…"
"Okay."
The strange half-sentences that finished each other's thoughts before they'd even started hung in the air as they lapsed into momentary silence, and then, suddenly:
"You'll never believe what I--"
"While I was looking for you--"
The two boys paused and Duo colored slightly with a soft chuckle, turning to sit sideways on the bench, tucking one leg underneath him so that he and Heero were face to face. "You first."
"Relena's office, ten minutes ago. Relena on the desk, Dorothy's hands up her skirt and they were…"
"Nooo shit!" Duo hissed in surprise, his eyes popping wide open as he gaped at Heero. "She… they…" His mouth opened and closed several times - much like a fish - as he processed the image. Imagined it. Realized. "She wanted you as a decoy?! AHAHAHA!"
"Shh!" Heero hissed, reaching to clamp a hand over Duo's mouth and glancing back at the path he'd come from a few minutes ago. "We don't need the entire party finding out!" It had briefly occurred to him after the fact that it was highly likely that Relena's strange behavior was linked to her… liaison with Dorothy, and he was grateful that Duo seemed more amused than annoyed about the whole thing.
"And you walked in on it!" Duo spluttered behind Heero's hand as he tried to get a grip on himself. "That makes two of us!"
"Wait, you already knew?" Heero was confused now and he pulled his hand away so that Duo could explain.
"No no no," Duo said, reaching to scratch the back of his head as he caught his breath. "Earlier, when you were off finding the cake – which I still want a piece of – the violist showed up. So I had to go find Trowa and Quatre in the music hall, right? And well, I opened the door and…" Duo leaned in until his nose bumped Heero's as he paused for dramatic effect. "Quatre was sitting on the piano, with his legs wrapped around Trowa and their mouths--"
While Heero was glad to finally have confirmation of what he'd suspected all along, he wasn't exactly keen on hearing the details. Taking Duo by the shoulders, he tilted his head to catch the braided boy's lips with his own, finally giving in to what he'd wanted to do since the moment he'd found Duo sitting on the bench all alone.
Duo was momentarily startled, and his breathing hitched once before he responded, melting into the embrace and letting Heero devour his mouth with hungry kisses. He had months-worth to catch up on, after all. It was only when a small bubble of laughter escaped that their kiss broke and Heero eyed him curiously.
"Something funny?"
"Them, us… it's not so different, really," Duo responded with a grin, thinking of his friends. Everyone else is trying to find a way to connect too. I can see that now. "I just realized that I've spent so much time thinking about how different I am, we are, or she is - from all of us – I was agonizing about not fitting in, when maybe… maybe all of us do, somehow. Like it or not, we were all a part of it, weren't we? War, peace… no one knows what's coming next. Maybe I should have been thinking… about how we're the same." Duo paused as he felt a light bulb go on in his head and he suddenly jumped up, walking the few steps to the rose bush to snap off the just-bloomed yellow flower. "I can't believe I'm about to say this when I've finally got you alone, but… can we head back to the party for a little while?"
Heero raised an eyebrow, but it was hard to deny Duo when he was all fired up and holding a flower delicately between three fingers. "It is almost time for cake."
o/~ I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away ~/o
Indeed, the cake had just been served when the two boys found their way back to the party. Much to Heero's surprise, Duo bypassed the cake to made a beeline straight for where Relena was standing, waiting to be certain everyone had been served. With a flourish, he presented her with the yellow rose. "Happy birthday!"
Blinking at him in surprise, Relena accepted the flower almost automatically, starting when she realized that it was still covered in thorns. "Did you get this from the garden?"
But Duo was already barreling forward and didn't even hear her words. "You don't really know me and I don't really know you – maybe that'll change some day and maybe it won't, but it's not the important part – and I figure that, if there's anything we have in common, at least for now, it's this…" He paused to gesture to the flower, a very serious expression on his face now. "It's what we both fought so hard to protect, in our own ways – Earth. And… and I can respect that."
Relena was momentarily puzzled – caught on the idea that he'd just plucked this rose out of the castle gardens – but when she looked up and saw the sincerity in Duo's eyes, she found herself moved by the gesture. Unsure of whether or not he was expecting a response, she simply hesitated before responding. "Thank you…" Catching Heero's eye over Duo's shoulder as he turned to walk back towards him, she mouthed. "Need to talk to you later!"
Heero nodded almost imperceptibly as Duo reached his side, wondering if he should say anything about what Duo had just done. He had the feeling that no matter if he did or not, he would be thinking about this moment for awhile to come. It turned his stomach around in knots, just like that first night back in the school, when Duo's every word, every action, had set him on fire. He has a way with words, with gestures… accidental, but so powerful… It was something about that he just… loved.
"Heero? Ready for cake?" Not noticing the other boy's momentary distraction, Duo grinned and linked his arm through Heero's as they headed back to their table, suddenly caring a little less about whether or not they fit in. Besides, all the aristocrats are probably well on the way to drunk by now. "I might need to eat your piece too."
"Not a chance in hell, Maxwell." Heero smirked playfully.
"Ooh! Cake defender!"
*******
He finally found her on the roof, sitting with her knees drawn up to her chest as she gazed out into the darkness beyond the castle grounds and the twinkling lights of the city that led down to the harbor.
Noin wasn't supposed to miss him. Relena wasn't supposed to re-build his childhood home. Peace wasn't real. It wasn't possible.
Why was there suddenly a life worth going back to?
So long… for so long, Zechs had wanted to die, wanted Treize to die, wanted them to be the redeemers.
He'd gotten what he wanted, hadn't he?
He was a ghost.
He was a lost soul.
He wanted to reach out and touch her, but he couldn't.
o/~ Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me
Gotta keep movin on movin on
Fly away
Break away ~/o
*******
"Where's Duo?"
Heereo looked up from where he was stacking dishes onto a cart to help out the Castle staff, not surprised at all to see Relena coming towards him, looking every bit her usual calm and composed self. He'd made himself visible enough, deciding it was probably easier to get the conversation over with than to avoid it. "He offered to help carry the extra cake into the kitchen."
"Then I have you to myself for a minute?"
"A minute," Heero agreed, stacking the last two plates he'd been holding.
"I, ah… wanted to talk to you about… about my schedule." She paused, taking a moment to compose herself as if what she was about to say was difficult or delicate in some way. "After we return from India…"
When Relena paused again, Heero realized she was looking for his confirmation. "I'm still coming to India."
"Right…" she said immediately, not quite able to hide her relief. "And after we return, I'm going to take some time… well, not off, exactly, but, I'm going to remain here in Sanc until the re-building is finished."
Heero had to resist the urge to ask if Dorothy was going to be staying for awhile as well, but he was too curious to see if Relena would even bring the topic up. "It could be a few more months." Is she asking me to stay here in Sanc for that long? He glanced towards the door leading to the kitchens, but there was no sign of Duo yet.
"I'll call you back if I'm going to leave the kingdom."
Heero turned towards her in genuine surprise. "Are you… dismissing me?" She still thinks I'm hers to dismiss?
"No, no, not exactly…" Relena said hastily, realizing that Heero was about to take her suggestion the wrong way. "I only meant… Noin is staying too. I… won't be alone. So, if you wanted some time off, to go on… vacation…" She trailed off as Heero looked at her rather blankly, trying desperately to think of another way to make him understand that didn't involve re-living her earlier mortification.
Relena's babbling had given Heero the chance to turn over her words in his mind, and he realized quickly what she was really trying to do. I think I hit the nail on the head. But wasn't this exactly what he wanted? The time to go off with his friends, perform the upgrades, create the modules… He was surprised at the next question that slipped out of his mouth. "Who says I'll come back once I go?"
Relena flinched a little, glancing away as she saw Duo appear from the kitchen door. She knew that telling Heero to go might mean she'd never get him back, but… it was the only decision that felt right. She needed to convince Dorothy… "I'm certain our paths will cross again."
Heero stared at Relena for a moment, wondering if there was more substance to what he'd witnessed earlier than he'd first thought. "Minute's up." Turning away, he grabbed hold of the cart of dishes and started hauling it towards the kitchen and Duo.
Relena watched them until they disappeared back inside together, doing a little of her own wondering, and then she turned to survey the remains of the party. Milliardo would have enjoyed it. Even though most of her memories of this place were recent, every now and then, a bubbling echo of laughter, a shaft of sunshine, a tiny fragment of memory brushed across her mind.
It's good to see this place looking full of life and color again. Maybe she was content to be Relena Darlian now, but she wasn't so shallow as to deny her heritage either. She would always be a Peacecraft too. She was… herself. She knew she wasn't perfect, that the world wasn't perfect, that they both had a long way to go to find true peace… but change was happening all the time, wasn't it?
o/~ I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
Take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away
Breakaway
Break away ~/o