Chapter 4
Olivia
It didn't take long for the other to start suspecting.
"She doesn't look happy." Fin observed.
"She's never happy." That was Munch.
"I mean for someone who just got engaged to the 'love of her life', she doesn't look happy." Fin clarified.
Elliot said nothing. Fin was right, she didn't look happy. She looked downright miserable. But Munch was wrong, because you'd seen her happy. Seen her eyes sparkling with joy.
You saw none of that now. Nothing. Not the slightest flicker of passion. No joy. No conviction. No righteous fury that fuelled her dedication to her job. Just a dead empty stare. A shadow of the woman you once knew so intimately. So you stopped looking at her.
The others look to you and you realise they are waiting for you to contribute to their conversation about why Alex doesn't look happy for someone who just announced her engagement.
You shrug. So what, she's not happy. Who cares? She chose this. It's not your responsibility.
'What about me?' you wanted to ask your colleagues. 'Do I look happy?'
Didn't anyone see that you were drowning? No. Maybe it was better that way. No one thought of Alex's engagement as an event that should affect you. No one except for Elliot.
You couldn't hide it from him at the time. Hide the fact that someone had come into your life who made you feel like you were worth something. Someone who made you believe in goodness despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary that you faced every day. Alex had somehow convinced you to keep things quiet. Professional reasons, she had told you at the time. But you look back now and wonder if perhaps she was just ashamed. Perhaps it meant nothing to her, perhaps it was never meant to be a long term thing.
The stupid grin on your face and the way you walked around humming stupid songs under your breath betrayed to Elliot that there was someone special in your life.
'I've never seen you like this.' Elliot had said.
'I've never felt like this.'
And it was true. You had never felt like this about anyone. Ever.
'Anyone I know?' He asked.
You didn't break your promise to Alex. You never said a word. It's just that she walked into the office right that minute. And you couldn't hide the way you felt. Neither could she. It was written all over your faces. She looked shyly to the ground, trying not to make eye contact with you. You hadn't ever seen her so self conscious. It was cute.
Elliot raised an eyebrow. 'I see.' He had said. And that was it.
He had never said 'That's great Liv, I'm happy for you.'
He never said 'Olivia, Be careful about what you're getting into.'
He said nothing.
It bothered you at the time, but now you loved him for it.
Just after the engagement announcement Elliot turned to you, his eyes filled with pity, with questions.
He asked you, as if you had all the answers, "So, what's up with that?"
"Ask her." You had replied bitterly.
You could tell Elliot wanted to say more, he was struggling to find the words. Thankfully he didn't seem able, and an awkward silence ensued.
The talk from the others had taken hold of your mind. She wasn't happy. Why? You were curious. Beyond curious. You were worried about her. You hated yourself for caring. It was pathetic. She left you behind without thinking twice. Why should you care? But you did. You would get to the bottom of this. Approaching Alex again was out of the question. But you were a detective after all, how hard could it be to find out the truth behind this engagement?