Chapter 14
The walk was surprisingly refreshing for Elizabeth, who, after being left unaccompanied by Wikham on the excuse of a bad headache, decided to separate herself from the rest all together, and went her own path. Soon she was in the heart of the forest, surrounded by singing birds and hopping rabbits, while she enjoyed the occasional blindness as some rays escaped through the leafs. She completely lost track of time, as she was determined in enjoying every moment which now she named as the best afternoon of her life. She sat by the trunk of one of the trees, near a solitary river, and observed the paradise before her. She closed her eyes and just listened, and soon the soothing flow of the river was combined with the sound the leaves make while breaking the wind; she saw the song of the birds and the bees and squirrels and every other animal inhabiting her Eden. All those sounds merged together and she could hear the forest breathe; it breathed in all the dirt, all the malicious acts and angry vibes of the people and let out passionate caring, love, and peace that will hopefully reach many before it gets contaminated again… Elizabeth was mystified; she breathed together with the forest, the same rhythm, hypnotizing her to the point where she wasn't there anymore, she was flying in the skies, riding the fresh wind from the forest.
It was in that state of complete harmony that William found Elizabeth. He wasn't searching for her, at least not consciously, he merely wanted solitude. The funny thing was, he felt more alone with that woman beside him than he felt while walking to get here. He didn't mean to wake her, he was hypnotized by her and didn't want to have to take his eyes off of her. While she was asleep, he could be there in peace, lying beside her without having to worry about consequences.
He saw her wake and still he could not leave, he was tied to where he sat and his body seemed to disobey his mind's orders… or perhaps his brain itself was too doubtful of what it wanted?
"Good morning… Had a nice sleep?" he asked in almost a whisper. Elizabeth opened her eyes and did not seem surprised to find him there; she felt his presence even before waking, and rather than surprised was happy he was there.
"What are you doing here?" She asked, still in a horizontal position where there heads almost touched. Neither stood up or moved, they just looked up at the enchanting sky, hid by the extremities of those magnificent trees. It wasn't a reproach, and it wasn't an inquiry either; she knew the answer, but it was a way of 'breaking the ice', so to speak.
"Same thing you are…" he answered. A long pause followed where their breathing unconsciously caught on the same rhythm.
There wasn't anything more said, yet the silence was one so comfortable it was as if they had lived together all these years. They forgot about the others, nothing else existed but her, him, and the forest… and their dreams, some shattered and some in the process of birth, that flowed into the immortal wind.
Soon the sky started to darken as the sun laid his head down to rest, and William, though unwillingly, decided to break the silence which was now too quiet and empty.
"We should get going, the others might worry…" Elizabeth let out a timid groan, voicing her displeasure at the thought.
"Just five more minutes, please?"
"Come now, we can't leave precious Wikham waiting" he said with such disdain that all magic still lingering there has flown off completely. They both stood and walked, close together yet still so apart, back home.
"Lizzy, William! Where have you been for so long?" Jane greeted them, with the tiny shadow of worry behind her twinkling eyes. Of course, Wikham was there as well, and he instantly grabbed what he thought was already his.
"Com, my darling, I was starting to miss you. Hope you are all right? Good, come now let's get you properly dressed for dinner…" and he led her off to their room without giving her the chance to answer or even understand what was happening… Her mind was still busy thinking about a certain Prince, lacking his saddled shiny white horse.
They all got elegantly dressed and went down for dinner, in the exquisite restaurant of the hotel, with live music and dim lighting… it was perfectly romantic and perfectly wrong for two thirds of the company. The live music was too loud for Elizabeth's taste, but at least it prevented them from noticing the lack of conversation.
After the dessert, Bingley asked Jane to dance, they left off floating. The two couples were left there, not knowing what to do, until Wikham broke the ice by taking Elizabeth to the dance floor. It was a good change in circumstances, to be held tightly by Wikham and stepping the well studied and rehearsed steps in perfect rhythm and harmony. His charming smile and handsome face were staring down at her, admiring and adoring her with every look, every turn followed by the joining of their hands, unwilling to ever let go.
And then she saw him, walking up the stairs… He turned around for a last time, and their eyes locked, and all the magic of Wickham's charisma. They soon went to sleep, except…
…she couldn't sleep. At all. Her mind was so confused, she had to distract herself with something. So, she grabbed her lap top, her Malboros a pen and a bunch of boring looking piles of papers, and went down to the lobby, empty but still with the lights on. She sat down, and started working. She was so successful at distracting herself that she didn't even notice when a remarkably familiar figure stood very close behind her.
After a few minutes of furious typing and patient waiting, he let her know of his presence.
"Smoking kills." She, surprised, turned around, and breathed out the toxic smoke into his face. Turning back, she added
"I'd rather be dead than quit. It's the only thing that keeps me alive these days… Well, that and coffee" she said, nodding at the half empty cup beside her cigarettes. He shook his head in disapproval and decided to sit down in front of her.
"Well, at least we agree on one thing; that perfectly black liquid each morning is something I can't imagine myself living without."
"Oh, how dreadfully unpatriotic of you." She said, in a mocking tone yet continuing her furious typing on the laptop. The time went by, with him staring at her, and her staring at the keyboard where apparently she was cracking a case, and the only sound echoing in the gigantic hall was the punching of keys on a laptop, and the occasionally picking up of a glass cup and putting it down. Of course, then came a pause in the punching and then the accustomed hissing and blowing as Lizzy kept true to her biggest vice.
On one of these pauses, Elizabeth decided to initiate conversation.
"It really is a terrible vice, you know, but I don't have the strength of mind to let go of it… Honestly I don't think I want to, either… What about you? Any unwanted vices in your life?" she asked innocently, like two old friend who have shared years and years of intimacy and shared many secrets.
"Vices? Apart from coffee, I don't think… I am terribly addicted to my job, but that can hardly be called a vice…"
"No, jobs are completely different, they are our duty and being addicted to them is only an unfortunate consequence of being a couple of over-achievers. I mean, they would never open up a club of JAA…"
"Job Addicts Anonymus… hardly. The 12 steps would more likely be for people to become them." The whole situation was so surreal, so comfortable and pulled so much weight off each of their hearts, they were really cheerful. They stared at each other for a while, in eyelock and deadlock. Their theme got expired, and the superficial small talk era was closed.
"Do you believe what they say? Do you think I should marry?" Elizabeth didn't know where this question came from, but she tried to answer in the best lawyer-like response she could utter under the circumstances.
"I don't think I am the most adequate person to-"
"Come on, Lizzy! Just answer the question!" the pleading in his eyes made her change her mind, so she decided to answer him with the most honesty she was capable of.
"As a friend… I mean… Look, a marriage is a big thing, you must marry the ideal person; someone you love and think you can spend the rest of your life with… I know it sounds corny, but don't settle for anything, settle for everything. Settle for someone you feel passionately about, someone you admire and trust… someone you can look up to, whose advice you listen to and feel confident enough to accept… someone you know you can turn to whenever you have any trouble, even if it's very deep and intimate… you have to choose someone you know you will never get bored of… Most importantly, she must love you, adore you, admire you, worship you, trust you in return. Don't settle for anything less." He seemed soothed, content, and a little bit nervous still. But Elizabeth had to continue.
"But, as a British citizen… We need a wedding, soon. You may not understand, but people need the romantic fairytales come true! They have their crappy jobs and their crappy life, but your good fortune brings them hopes and dreams and they need to live off you! They see their wildest dreams becoming reality with you, and they need the perfect romance, the perfect engagement, the perfect wedding… I mean, if not even you can make it come true, with your good breeding, money, style, name and position… can you imagine a more depressing thought for people?" this he didn't like as much, but he accepted it anyway, and rather took another sip from his drink. After a small pause, Elizabeth went back to furiously punching the keys, and everything form the outside seemed same as before; except, now there were two tortured souls sitting at arm's length, separated by the Wall of Berlin.
"It's the sacrifices we have to make for a job well done…" Elizabeth stopped writing, but she still didn't look up. After a long, deep sigh, he stood up and added more to himself "It's the same anyway, I lost my chance at marrying for love a long time ago…" and with that he emptied his cup and left to sleep.