Well, this is probably going to shock some people, apologies in advance... but it's Cartman, you gotta expect him to be the most fucked up of the group. Anyway, this is Cartman's... ranting on paper. Warnings: Non-Descriptive Incest, lots of coarse language, and general Cartman-being-Cartman
Fuck This Class And This Stupid Paper: By Eric Cartman
Ok frist of all, I hate this scool and this town and especialy this fucking stupid asinment! theres no point. all everybody knows about me is all they need to. #1 that im not fat. i never fucking was either. #2 that im not a fucking faggot. i swear that butters fag hangs around ME, not me with him or anything. hes just my bitch. he does whatevr I say whenever i tell him and its like hes my slave or sumthing. its pretty sweet, I get ass whenever i want and dont got to deal with those winy bitches with there bitchass problems and pms. BUT ITS NOT GAY! Hes so much like a bitch i mite as wel not even bother with him but hes an easy piece of meat sinse hes always following me. but like I said hes not as bad as the rest of the dumb bitches in this town that want to get in my pants but cant because there all just dumb bitches that want relatonships and all that shit and expect you to buy all this shit for them and still hold out. jesus fucking crist there are so many bitches in this fucking town it drives me crazy like kyles mom and stans sister and bebe and wendy. wendys one of the worst... i hope she gets knocked up by stan or somthing. god the biggest sluty bitch in this place is probably my mom. my mom, my god, she is such a whore. ok, so I know everyones been saying it forever, but shes, like, my MOM, u know? im suposed to stick up for her cuz were like blood related and all that but u cant fucking deny that shes not the biggest slut in south park. and lately shes getting to stoned every fucking nite to say anything for herself so im stuck sticking up for her. like everynite she gets fucked up out her mind and most of the time has some random guy she picks up from god noes where come fuck her senseless. and im not kidding about how fucked up she gets. seriously. shes getting so bad lately sometimes she doesnt even know who I am! whatever. at least she doent have AS many guys around as she used to. It used to be EVERYDAY for awile but the drugs mustve fucked up her looks. thats probly why shes doping or stoneing or cheeseing or whatever the fuck shes doing so much. still, sometimes I wish shed fucking take a break allready! i mean, how can you NOT reconize your own son?! im not 40 something and I dont look like it, so you think the stupid bitch could tell me apart from her asshole whore boyfriends, right?! fuck, ok so my life aint so fucking picture perfect like Stan or his bitch girlfriend or the Jew or whoever fucking else. like its MY fucking fault that my mom comes to me when shes fucking triping out of her mind and thinks im one of her gazillionand3 boyfriends and trys to do me even though thats fucking INCEST and incests worse than faggots and jews and jew faggots put together!!
Im not riting anymore of this shit asinment. its fucking stupid and i don't care if i fial this class cuz no one uses languge arts in the real world!
Re-edited and fresh off the press. I thought his piece was too short, so I elaborated. Now with 76% more cussing! As for the long run-on italicized sentance that is basically Cartman's little breaking point... I actually wanted that to be crossed out as if he'd tried to scribble it out, but FanFiction doesn't have the strikethrough or double-strikethrough functions. ~KK