Notes:
Just so you know...I've never seen an episode of Agent Carter...so Peggy's early career in this fic has nothing to do with that show and would've had alot more to do with the Commandos. Also, I'm only acknowledging Agents of SHIELD to the second season midseason finale.
Feedback makes the Koenigs happier than lanyards!
Holly POV
"Agent Dugan. We're happy to see you again, but very sad about the loss of former Director Carter."
Stepping into the main hall from the underground garage, Holly almost felt a smile at Steve's look of confusion at the trio of men who looked almost exactly the same, dressed in suits with their ever present lanyards. It gave her a feeling of nostalgia to see the Koenigs again. They never changed and right now, that's exactly what she needed. "Thank you, boys. Now don't tell me. Billy, Freddie and George?"
The three identical men all nodded with barely reserved smiles. "You are one of the few that could ever tell us apart, Agent Dugan." George said, handing her a lanyard while Freddie handed one to a still baffled Steve. The lanyards all had black mourning bands on them. The boys had thought of everything.
"I was so sorry to hear about Eric. He was one of the best agents." Their "brother" had been one of the victims of the traitor, Grand Ward.
All three dropped their heads briefly before Billy spoke up. "Thank you, Agent Dugan."
She turned to Steve. "Steve, these are the Koenigs. They helped keep SHIELD alive during Project Insight. Boys, I'm sure you know Captain America."
The three nodded eagerly. They almost looked like middle aged fanboys, their eyes wide with hero worship. "Captain Rogers, it's an honor sir. We wish it was under better circumstances." Freddie said with a very respectful tone.
Holly heard the clicking of boot heels and looked behind the Koenigs to see Melinda heading for her with a determined look on her face. Usually when most people saw that determination, they ran in the other direction. She looked up at Steve. "I'll be right back." She walked around the Koenigs and was silently met with a very uncharacteristically emotional hug from the woman who hated her legend as being the Cavalry. May's arms were like a vice. "She was ready Melinda. She went on her own terms."
She felt May take a cleansing breath. She wouldn't breakdown in front of everyone, but she was still struggling. Despite what many people in SHIELD had thought of her, she was a warm feeling woman. She could just kick your ass without trying. Part of her wished that she and Eddie had explored their mutual attraction to each other but they were both career agents. Ce la vie. "I know. She was just..."
"I know." Holly gave her a nod, feeling the tears coming again but fought them back. She couldn't be breaking down every five seconds. The older agent pulled back and Holly held her hands in hers, both of their heads down and eyes closed, sharing a moment with her old friend for the woman that influenced them both so much.
"Holly?"
The pair turned to see a rather distraught Jemma with a concerned Skye at her side, Trip behind them. Skye looked like she didn't know what to do other than stay with Jemma and Trip looked like the world had fallen apart but he wouldn't let that stop him from supporting his teammates first and worrying about himself last. Something Peggy had taught both of them. Something that Steve had in common with his old sweetheart.
"Hey Jemma." Holly quickly stepped over to the crying young doctor and hugged her. The slight woman all but collapsed against her, softly sobbing. "No tears sweetie. Peggy wouldn't want you to mourn her. Celebrate her life. She lived to see SHIELD be reborn with strong women she helped influence at its core. Us, Jemma. We have to show the world the women that Peggy taught us to be. We have to inspire others like she inspired us. Protect those who need protecting, just like she did. Understand?"
Jemma nodded, sniffling, too upset to speak. Holly had noticed that the younger woman was very sensitive but strong as well. Coulson had told her a few stories while she'd been recovering from her Bavarian injuries that had her admiring the young biochemist and her resolve. It was a blow for true loyal SHIELD agents to lose the last founder only a year after Insight. For Jemma, it was the loss of her idol. She gave her an extra squeeze before pulling back and giving her the best reassuring look she could.
May took Jemma aside, holding the young doctor so she could try and calm down. May's voice quietly murmuring breathing techniques. "Hey. I'm really sorry about Director Carter. I know she was like your mom, kind of." Skye seemed a bit nervous, unsure what to say. Holly could understand that. The young woman had had a very unconventional childhood, only recently learning that all her foster parents had been SHIELD agents tasked to protect her.
"Thanks." She felt a hand rest on her shoulder, knowing it was Steve. "I have her to thank for pushing to have Coulson be my handler and then the handler of Delta. If I ever get to pull half the stuff she did as an agent, I'll be happy." She swallowed, blinking away tears that threatened.
Trip walked over with his head down, shoulders slumped. "Hey Holly. There's no funk today. I'm gonna miss Aunt Peggy so much. My heart hurts." Trip was uncharacteristically quiet, his eyes sad and showing a bit of redness. It was clear that he was using all of his effort to keep from breaking down. Holly remembered how hard it was for him when his grandpa died since his parents were already gone thanks to a car accident. Thanks to SHIELD, he didn't have to deal with the foster system and was an emancipated minor at 15 living at the Sandbox in Manhattan when he was training for the Academy.
She sighed as she hugged Trip, yet again trying not to cry as he was the only other person she knew besides her brother to refer to the legendary woman as Aunt Peggy. Tony rarely if ever talked about her thanks to the falling out his father had had not just with her, but with her own parents and Dum Dum. She'd always been so protective and loving of any Commando descendants, as few as there had been. She remembered how much of a rock he'd been for her after the Towers. She hoped her hug was as comforting as his was to her. "She's with your grandpa and the uncles now. Probably telling him embarrassing stories from your days in the Academy."
He gave her a quick grin after letting go, but it didn't reach his sad eyes. "Yeah, I bet she is." He put his hand to his heart and looked up to the ceiling. "I don't know if heaven is big enough for someone like her."
"Yeah. I don't know either." Holly nodded with a weak smile as Steve put his arm around her shoulders, shaking Trip's hand and accepting the young man's condolences and offering his own.
"Phil, I'm fine." She rarely if ever called Coulson by his first name, it just felt weird but she wanted to get him to just leave her alone already. If she wanted to lay down, she would have found a place herself. Just because he was the Director now, he couldn't just command her to take a nap.
Coulson put his hands on her shoulders and moved close so she was looking right into his eyes. "Holly, I know you and you are not fine right now. Let me take care of you for the moment, okay? Promised your dad I'd keep an eye on you, that's what I'm doing. Please, just lay down and rest your eyes at least. An hour, that's all I want."
She closed her eyes and sighed. Damn Coulson for knowing exactly how to get what he wanted from her. She knew her father would agree with him and he knew that too. Dammit.
"Holly, it would probably be a good idea to get a little rest. We're under a lot of strain." Steve spoke up. "Doesn't do anyone any good to run yourself ragged." He spoke softly, merely suggesting, showing concern.
Another sigh. "Fine. As long as you get some rest too. Super solder or not, you are just as stressed as me."
"There's another room right next door, ready and waiting." Coulson spoke up. He dropped her hands from her shoulders and gave her a nod of gratitude to Steve. He was magnanimous enough to not show he had predicted he would get his way. "I'll see you both in a bit."
Holly reluctantly moved to the couch and sat down before pulling her feet up after Coulson left. Her sneakers quietly thumped to the floor. "He always gets his way."
"He does seem to be able to persuade people easily." Steve remarked, absently looking at the door behind him as she laid down, her body still feeling like a live wire but her head full of rocks and wet heavy cotton.
Steve POV
"Steve?"
"Yeah, Holly?" He stopped in his motion toward the door and turned to her. He didn't think he'd be able to sleep so maybe he'd just plant himself outside the door so no one disturbed her. No one was going to mess with either of them today. He probably could take on all of Hydra without blinking at the moment. Just anything. Hell, make them pay for everything that led to him being in the ice and putting Peggy through so much pain.
"Can...will you stay? I don't...I don't want to be alone." She asked. She sounded shy and nervous. That alone told him how out of sorts she was. Amazing how Peggy would instinctively know how much they would need each other without her. He could be strong for Holly, as long as she needed him. He failed her once, not again.
He nodded silently but inwardly rejoiced. Closing the door behind him completely, he headed back toward the large plush sofa of the lounge that Coulson had set aside for Holly to rest in, concerned that she needed to rest after so much emotional strain. He toed off his shoes while she moved back so she was against the back of the couch on her side and he lay down next to her, his arm moving behind her as she shyly rested her head against his shoulder. He reached up with his other hand and pulled down the random throw that had been left on the sofa and laid it over them both.
"Thank you." She murmured, her arm going across his chest, her fingertips playing with his tshirt sleeve. If it was wasn't for the circumstances, this would be rather nice. Just taking a nap, cuddling with a pretty girl. He couldn't help but be glad in some small way that like in September, she was comfortable enough to let her guard down with him and rest. She trusted him when she was most vulnerable.
"I didn't really want to go, honestly."
"Really?"
"Yeah. They didn't know Peggy like we did. I know they feel sorry, but they don't know." Hell, he hadn't even known Peggy like Holly did. She'd literally lost her mother. Peggy might not have given birth to her, but she was the only mother Holly had ever known for over 30 years. He'd been sweet on her 70 years ago and shared one kiss in a racing car.
She nodded against his chest. "Yeah. I know they are trying to be understanding, but it's driving me crazy. I know it's irrational but it's exhausting." She sighed, her fingertips absently tracing a vein on his bicep. "But you get it. I know you do."
"Let's try and rest then, okay? Just for a bit."
She yawned and snuggled closer. Coulson had been right, she was wiped out. Not that she'd ever admit it to anyone. "Okay. Just a bit."
Holly POV
Holly woke up to the sound of voices outside and she tensed, for a moment forgetting where she was. Then it came back to her and she shut her eyes tight as the grief washed over. She moved her head a little and saw Steve was still asleep. As much as she was hurting, she knew he was feeling the pain just as much and no doubt torturing himself with the idea of Peggy feeling this pain when he'd been forced to crash that plane all those years ago. She decided that no matter what, she was going to find Bucky Barnes if she had to put up Lost signs on every post and tree and building in the civilized world. It's what Peggy would want. She'd been so upset when it was revealed that the infamous Winter Soldier was Steve's best friend, thought dead. She remembered Peggy repeatedly saying that if she'd had any idea at all that she would have put every resource at SHIELD to bring Barnes home. Holly knew that Dum Dum would have been right at her side too.
She had begun to doze again when the door opened and she kept her eyes shut.
"Aww, would you look at them?" Clint's voice spoke. "Poor kids wore themselves out." Ironic that he'd say that about Steve, considering the man was technically old enough to be his grandfather.
"I'm not surprised. You should have seen how they were clinging to each other at the nursing home. Like the only thing keeping them grounded was each other." Natasha. "It was sad and sweet. Is that possible?"
Strange, such an insight into emotions coming from her of all people. Natasha wasn't normally one to comment on such a thing, always trying to keep an air of mystery and fear around her. But she wasn't wrong. She wondered if Steve saw it that way.
"Yes, it is." Tony. "Agent Carter, Peggy, Aunt Peggy was very important to both of them. She was a very sweet woman and tougher than all of us put together times ten." A sigh. "Come on, let them sleep. They have hard days ahead and we've got to be there for them."
A remarkably mature statement coming from her honorary brother. But he was hurting too. He'd known Peggy as a child long before she'd been born. And then there was the estrangement Howard had insisted on because of the fall out. All because he'd taken great offense to the concern Peggy and her father had for how he treated Tony. But she'd sworn to never tell Tony he was the reason. "Because Avengers are family, sir?" Jarvis.
A pause. "Yeah Jarvis. A strange demented kind of family, but then again, what's normal?"
The door closed and the voices moved away.
"Are they gone?"
Holly couldn't help but snort. "You were awake the whole time?"
A smirk took his lips as he opened one eye and wiggled his eyebrows. "Pretty good, huh? Figured if your honorary brother saw us like this, he'd make use of one of the Iron Man gauntlets on me."
Holly shook her head, sitting up a little. "But he wouldn't if you were asleep?"
Steve shrugged. "I'm told I look very innocent in my sleep. Comes with 70 years experience."
"Yeah. Sure." Holly rolled her eyes and moved so she was sitting back on her legs, rubbing at her eyes. "Fuck my eyes hurt."
"Mine too." Steve said, moving to a sitting position before he stretched. "Think the Director has some eyedrops?"
"Probably. Back in the day, there was a legend around SHIELD that Coulson never slept, he just waited." She doubted Steve's eyes really hurt considering his accelerated healing. Hers probably would have felt a dozen times worse without her own increased healing ability. But maybe it was more of a psychological thing and he didn't even realize they didn't really hurt.
Steve gave a half smile. "So all that stuff they say about that Chuck Norris guy actually got stolen from Coulson?"
"I wouldn't doubt it. Alot of the techs spent too much time putting false data out on the internet and making shit up to distract from reality."
Steve POV
"Are you ready for this?" Steve asked, looking down at Holly as they both slowed down before getting to the doorway for the main lounge of Coulson's HQ where they could hear numerous voices. Coulson had mentioned that all non-essential personnel had been sent home or to another station so the HQ was much quieter than it would be normally.
Her eyes were wide as she looked up at him, chewing her bottom lip. "Can't avoid them forever."
"We could. Get out of here, just drive somewhere. Anywhere. I've never been to Las Vegas. Have you?"
He mentally cheered as the tiny smile that put on her face and she promptly hugged him, wrapping her arms around him and resting her head on his chest. He immediately hugged her back, pressing his lips to the top of her head. A guy could almost get used to this much affection. He just wished it was for a happier reason. Like world peace.
"Thank you, Steve. I don't know if I could handle this without you."
"I could say the same for you, doll. Come on, let's get this over with. Can I deck Stark if he says something annoying?"
"Not if I do it first."
He felt a smile take his face and gave her a little squeeze before she pulled back. "That I'd pay real money to see. Again." Jarvis had shown him the recording of the infamous punch Stark took from Holly when he returned home from his captivity.
He took her hand and lead her into the room where everyone stopped talking, having gathered around a hodge podge of food collected. Apparently the tradition of bringing food for the mourning was still a thing. Strange since he had no appetite whatsoever for one of the first times since he'd been unthawed. "Hi everyone." He said quietly, almost letting go of Holly's hand except for the death grip she had on it.
Pepper was the first to move, her eyes red from crying. She was one of the most sensitive people he'd ever met which made her ability to handle Stark that much more amazing. "I'm so sorry. Both of you. She was a wonderful woman. Just an inspiration and a very sweet lady." The tall redhead managed to hug both of them together. "Anything you guys need, anything at all. You say the word and I'll make it happen. Okay?"
"Thanks Pep." Steve spoke for them both, wondering just when it happened that they were a "we".
It was only when Barton came over that Holly let go of Steve's hand, immediately being pulled into a strong silent hug by the archer. His one arm was around her shoulders, the other cupping the back of her head, his face pressed into her hair. It was such an intimate embrace that Steve almost felt like he shouldn't be seeing it. Natasha appeared from nowhere at his side and murmured, "He turned off his hearing aids, so make sure he can see your mouth if you talk to him."
"Why did he turn them off?" It'd been a few months after the Battle of New York that he'd learned that their expert archer was actually deaf and the comm he wore in both of his ears doubled as hearing aids. Stark had made him new ones that would never run out of energy and were stronger than most.
"He didn't want to be able to hear Holly cry."
That broke Steve's heart and he turned his head to see Holly wiping away new tears while Barton used his hands to speak to her, even though there was barely a foot of space between them. His eyes were filled with empathy and affection for his old SHIELD partner, his complete focus on her. He wouldn't expect any less, they'd known each other for nearly 20 years. Barton was her Bucky, he wagered their friendship was that essential to them both. Whatever he said, made her nod, blinking. He signed something else and she repeated it, after which Barton placed a lingering kiss to her forehead.
"Hey Sparks." Stark came over and hugged her, sighing. Steve could see the sadness in the man's eyes that he'd shown back in September and before that when they had thought Coulson killed by Loki. Stark wasn't a large man but he engulfed Holly in his arms and she closed her eyes as he held her close. "It'll be okay kid. She's with your dad and Eddie now."
Holly sniffled and pulled back after long minutes. "She said that she was looking forward to telling your father how wrong he was about you. The Battle of New York had her so proud, telling everyone how brave and selfless you were."
Tony sighed and looked up to the ceiling, a silent thanks Peggy coming from his lips. "She was always very generous and patient. Especially with me."
"Not if she didn't believe it, Stark. If Peggy believed in you, there was a reason." Steve spoke up. It still bothered him that Howard had been such a hard man after the war. All that genius and he couldn't figure out how to love his own son. Thankfully, the influence the Dugan family and Peggy had on him as a boy made some kind of impact.
"Hey. Thanks Rogers." Stark kept one arm around Holly before holding out his hand. "I'm very sorry about Peggy. She was a first class lady."
Steve took his hand and shook it. "Yes she ."
"I'm very sorry for your loss, both of you. I wish I'd gotten a chance to meet Miss Carter in person." Bruce spoke up softly. It was obvious that Bruce was feeling uncomfortable and nervous. "The Other Guy doesn't like Tiny Jedi being sad."
"No one does."
The group turned to see a very weary and sad Nick Fury standing in the doorway. Holly broke from Stark and ran to her godfather's arms, the one eyed former director holding her tight, her sobs renewed. Thanks to his advanced hearing, Steve could hear Fury quietly speaking to Holly. "It's alright. Hush now. Peggy was ready. You were there with her, you helped her. Shhh. It's alright. I'm right here."
Steve turned back to see most everyone looking on the scene with sad eyes, though Pepper was crying again, Coulson being kind enough to hold her since Stark was focused on his pseudo little sister, his jaw clenched. No doubt he hated seeing her upset and not being able to make it better. Hawkeye had turned away and was signing to Natasha who watched for a moment before focusing on the archer and signing back to him.
"Hey Steve."
He turned his head to see a very subdued Maria Hill, dressed casually in jeans and a Stark Industries tshirt. She must have come down with everyone from New York last minute. She looked tired and drawn. He wondered just how much she was mourning Peggy, considering how long she'd been in SHIELD and how high she had risen. "Hi Maria."
"How are you dealing?"
He shrugged, looking back to where Holly was wiping away the tears she'd shed, nodding to what a very sad looking Nick Fury was telling her.. "Not really sure. I don't know if it's hit yet. I'm more worried about her." He nodded toward Holly. "She just lost her mother, I can't really compare how I'm feeling to that. I've been there and that kind of pain is overwhelming."
Maria nodded. "I get what you're saying but you don't have to quantify grief. It is, as they say, what it is. Peggy was very important to many people. When Fury made me his second, she called me. Gave me all these tips about how to deal with men not wanting to take commands from a woman. People forget what she had to fight through to create SHIELD. The barriers she broke."
Steve nodded, remembering the stories Peggy told him about the harassment she faced with the SSR and the limitations people tried to put on her for being a woman. He wished he'd been there to set a few of those asses straight but realized that to make any difference, she had to do it on her own.
"I remember her saying that keeping those damned Dugan boys and the rest of the Commandos from killing anyone who looked at her funny was a full time job. You didn't mess with Peggy when they were around." Holly interrupted softly, from Steve's left. Fury was by her side, the man looking like he'd lost family as well. Considering how long the man had been with SHIELD, he no doubt knew Peggy since before Holly was even born. Steve gave the man a nod, which he returned. "She appreciated their support, but she wanted to accomplish things without her own squad of misfit hitmen."
Steve saw both Maria and Agent May smile and nod. Both were old enough to have at least potentially known her father, if not Dum Dum. "She had her hands full."
"We've already been getting emails and calls from governments and agencies all around the world, Holly. And get this, Queen Elizabeth is going to have a national day of mourning for Peggy for all the United Kingdom."
Holly's eyes widened and she blinked. "Wait, you talked to the Queen?"
"No, I talked to the head of MI6. But there's a chance you might talk to her. Apparently Peggy talked about you on her last few visits back. The Queen was really impressed."
Steve saw her chin tremble and she put her hand flat to the top of her chest, swallowing. He looked to Barton who nodded and went over to get a bottle of water.
"She...she told the Queen of England about me?"
"You were her little girl, Holly. Every proud mother brags about their children." May said softly. "You gave her so much to be proud of."
"I..."
Barton handed her the water before signing probably the equivalent of what Steve was about to say. "Take a drink, doll. It's alright."
She nodded shakily and took a long sip. "Sorry, I just..."
"No apologies today, Holly."
Another silent nod. It was obvious she didn't trust her own voice at the moment.
"Want to try eating something? Just a bit?" Steve asked softly.
"Not hungry." She murmured. "Can I see the emails?"
Coulsen lit up. It was giving him something to do to help, even if it was something small. "Yeah, sure! He turned to where Skye had been snacking on the food laid out. "Skye, can you get a tablet with those emails?"
"Sure thing boss."