2. Old Flame
I felt a cool breeze flow through my window when I woke up the next morning. I had left it open to air out my thoughts. I rolled onto my side and snuggled deeper into the blankets. Looks like I'd have to wake up another day and deal with my return as the old friend. I kicked the blankets off I slept practically naked I had really short rainbow striped shorts and a tank top that managed to show off half of my stomach. I got up and walked over to the door I honestly didn't care if anyone saw me like this it was only my Aunt and two cousins. I opened the door and heard their voices in the kitchen.
I made my way over to grab some breakfast of some sort when I stopped short looking at who was sitting at the table. They all eyed me. It was Seth, Leah and Jacob. I crossed my arms over my braless chest and smiled.
"Good morning" I said a bit embarrassed now.
"Hey if you want breakfast I cooked up some eggs, bacon, sausage the works it's over on the stove" Seth said with a smile. He seemed very proud of his work.
"Yeah sure" I said keeping my arms wrapped tightly around me. My bare feet sticking to the floor. I hated not wearing socks and being so warm. I reached up and grabbed a plate from the upper cabinet. I felt eyes on me and I was hoping they were only Jacob's eyes.
"I love what you are wearing you need to let me borrow your clothes" Leah stated as she got up and placed her plate in the sink. I smiled shyly at her.
"Of course you can we are most likely the same size" I told her. She smiled.
"Great! I never had the opportunity to share clothes with anyone, all I have is Seth and I'm not wearing anything that he wears" she laughed.
"Yeah it's fine, the rest of my clothes should be coming soon we can share" I told her. She seemed excited about that. I watched her as she exited the room. Then went back to filling my plate. I turned back towards the table Jacob looked away and started mumbling to Seth.
"May I sit with you guys or is this guy chat now?" I questioned.
"Actually I need to get dressed so you and Jake can catch up" Seth said with an evil grin. I sat down next to Jacob at the table and began to eat my food without saying a word.
"So where is your girlfriend?" I questioned not looking at him as I stuffed my face.
"She's going to be gone for a few days with her Family they are visiting some relatives" he said gathering the last bits of food on his plate. I finally looked up at him.
"Oh that's too bad" I said looking back down at my plate. I began to feel not so hungry anymore as I pushed the food around.
"Would you like to do something today maybe catch up on old times?" he questioned. I wanted to literally jump up and down and say yes, but apart of me was saying no it will make things even worse.
"Sure" I spoke without realizing what was coming out of my mouth. I could of sworn I told myself to say I was busy.
"Great lets go to the beach like old times" he said. I smiled still pushing the food around on my plate.
"Yeah, great" I said.
"I have to get dressed" I told him. He eyed my plate as I stood up with it.
"You barely touched your food" he said to me.
"My eyes were bigger then my stomach I guess" I said shrugging my shoulders. He looked at me knowing exactly what was up. I just knew it.
"Okay if you get hungry later we'll go grab a bite don't want you to go starving" he said with a friendly smile.
The only thing I could think of to say back was why do you care what I do when you have a beautiful girlfriend. I didn't say it though but I thought it. I dumped the food into the garbage and placed the plate in the sink. I quickly walked to my room and shut the door. I eyed my closet and picked out some jeans, my old dirty converses and a tight black t-shirt. I put some money in my pockets and walked back to the kitchen where Jacob was waiting. Seth was standing there with his arms crossed.
"Well guys thanks for ditching me today" he said.
"Seth you have other friends what's their names Embry and Quill don't you like them too?" I questioned.
"Yeah I guess" he said. I laughed.
"I promise I will bring your boyfriend back in one piece" I said with a smirk.
"Jacob is not…." I looked at him. He let out his happy go lucky smile and patted me on the shoulder.
"Don't do anything stupid" he whispered in my ear. I shot him a dirty look as he passed me by.
"So we ready?" Jacob questioned. I shot my attention back to him he stood up and was ready to go. Jacob had told me that he had built the car we were about to take a ride in. It was his baby his Rabbit. I hopped inside it seemed very old and I wasn't sure if we'd make it to the beach and back in this thing. I turned on the radio and began to surf the channels for something good.
"Radio really sucks" I said breaking the silence as I noticed the coast line coming up in our view.
"On the way back I'll throw on the I-pod" he said. I nodded letting the radio alone. There it was La Push beach I haven't been here since I was a kid. I remember this place all too well though. Jacob and I actually shared a kiss here when we were about 9. He said he had seen it on T.V. and wanted to try it out on me. He pulled up and parked in a spot. The day was beautiful the sun was shining and everything. This was a rare beautiful day and I wanted to take it all in.
"So do you remember this place?" he questioned as we made our way down to the beach. There were many people running around playing catch and enjoying the warm weather. I noticed some people surfing a bit and enjoying themselves. I looked up at Jacob who seemed to be blank.
"Of course I do we used to come here all the time it was like our place" I said to him. He smiled and I felt our bodies touch. We walked a bit further and came upon an area that we used to run away to all of the time. There were lots of rocks and we had to climb over them. Half way through we would always stop and sit down to watch the ocean. Which is what we were doing right now we sat down in our usual spot. He was way too close for comfort because I felt my stomach do that loop de loop thing it did yesterday.
"Do you miss Cali?" he questioned.
"Um… not really I missed La Push a lot more I really hated being away from here" I said looking over at him. I felt myself wanting to just jump in his lap and kiss him. As much as I wanted to I needed to respect his relationship.
"Oh I figured you'd enjoy the sun and the warm beaches" he said.
"Well I didn't I'd rather be cold and be here where everything once seemed right" I said blurting it out.
"What did you mean by that last thing you said, once seemed right?" he questioned.
"I know things aren't supposed to stay the same or anything but I figured that maybe some things would and when I came back yesterday I realized everything was now different and I'm trying to face it to be honest but I think I'm facing it in the wrong way" I said spilling my guts.
"How so?" his eyes were staring into mine and I felt his hand gently touch mine. I hated that I felt it again my stomach churned and my heart wouldn't stop beating out of control.
"It's just nothing particular" I lied.
"I know when you are lying I haven't seen you in years but I know that face" he said. He knew me too well even with the large gap of communication he still knew me.
"I'm not lying Jake okay things are just going to be different and I hate that I dealt with different for to long I want to come back here and things be the same so I can feel safe again I don't feel safe anymore Jake" I said. His hand squeezed mine a bit tighter.
"But you are safe here you have me like always" he said. I looked at him I could feel them coming again. I don't cry for about 11 years full out and now in just one day one person has made me cry more then I had ever in my life.
"Your eyes are watering" he said to me. I looked at him as I felt the warmth of the tears trickle down my cheeks.
"Allyson please I'm still your best friend what's wrong?" he questioned. How could I tell him oh by the way I can't seem to stop thinking about you and I thought that maybe we could still be together after all of these years. I know I didn't know who he was right now but all I knew was that I wanted to be with him.
"I can't tell you" I nearly whispered.
"You never left me out of a secret before" he seemed upset with the fact that our friendship died the day we stopped talking. I myself felt like I had died.
"This one is too complicated" I said looking out at the ocean. I felt his soft hand touch my face wiping the tears that had been falling from my eyes. He looked concerned and hurt at the same time that I wouldn't tell him.
"It can't be that complicated" he said with a slight smile.
"Can we leave?" I questioned not wanting to feel this feeling anymore.
"But I thought you and I would spend the day together?" he questioned.
"We can I just can't be here anymore" I said. He looked at me funny. I looked at him and then down. He lifted up my left hand again and looked at it.
"You going to tell me the real reason this is still here?" he questioned. I shook my head and felt more tears falling. He didn't hesitate he let his arms wrap around me as he comforted me. I let it all go I even started to sob uncontrollably as he squeezed me tighter. Why did this feel so good? I wanted to fight for him and I wanted for him to be mine this feeling that was over taking me wasn't something I could just brush aside.
"It's because I love you Jake" I confessed. He didn't move like I thought he would he just stayed there holding me like he felt it too. I know he did but I know there was something more with him and Nessie that he was not telling me. Maybe it was a werewolf thing I really didn't know. I wanted him to feel it for me what ever he felt for her. He still didn't let go. I don't know if he felt it too or just didn't want to confront me with oh yeah I'm marrying Renesmee so it can't happen. He finally pulled away and looked at my tear stained face.
"Do you realize that no matter what I will always love you just it has to be in a different way then I thought it would be" he said. I ran my fingers through my hair and pulled at the ends. I did this when I got upset. I looked at him.
"I guess it's not enough for me I feel like I shouldn't feel this much attached to you already we just got reacquainted so how can I feel this strongly about my feelings for you?" I questioned. Him.
"Well I'm very sorry but we have to keep it like this Ness is my soul mate and I can't change that even if I wanted to which I don't because I do love her back" he confessed.
"Love can change" I told him.
"Not this kind of love" he said to me. I looked at him what kind of love was he talking about?
"Now can you take me home?" I questioned. I wanted to get out of there and run into my room scream into my pillow loudly and just spend the day getting rid of these feelings I had for Jake.
"I really don't want to" he said.
"Well I can't keep up this charade" I told him.
"Please I want to spend time with you just let me show you that we can be best friends again" he said.
"I guess I could try" he let a smile spread across his face.
"As long as that makes you happy" I said just wanting him to be happy at that moment for some reason. He stood up and let his hand reach down for me. I grabbed it and pulled myself up.
"Let's go grab a bite to eat" he said with a smile. I nodded as my stomach growled loud enough for him to hear.
"I knew you didn't eat this morning for a reason" he said pulling me along.
"I guess you still know me all too well I eat like a pig and if I don't eat there is something wrong" I told him. He nodded.
I felt the feeling in my stomach again from his touch but I tried to fight to ignore it. It hurt deep down and the only way I knew to release these feelings was to try to make him jealous. I needed to keep flirting with Embry maybe he would realize that he wanted to be with me instead. I was never this cruel and I didn't want to be but I wanted him and I felt like without him I wasn't complete.