RECRUIT

Freshest Street Meat

The grounds of the sixth district are elaborate. Not feminine, but ornamental.

As a newcomer, no one in the division expected that I'd be able to summon the spirit of my zanpakuto. So as I stand on the field, with my sword's spirit extended into its first release, I become a spectacle. Seated officers scoff and laugh. I see one reaching for his own sword and he says he wants to try me.

He says, "So the trash from Rukon has a bit of spunk. Such an ego to release your sword like that."

"I've never killed a man from the Seireitei. I wonder if the shinigami bleed like we do," I grin as I say it. I become a different man when my sword is in my hand. Everyone becomes a threat who wields a weapon.

The officer mutters, "filthy trash." With his sword drawn, he comes at me. I can't explain it, how it feels to drag my sword through his flesh. This sword is an extension of my spirit. It bites into the officer's side and I can feel his strings of muscle being plucked from his ribcage. It's like cutting the strings of a guitar. Blood is spraying into the air between us. It is like rain falling on my skin. Warm, summer rain.

When he falls onto the ground he looks dead. The others are screaming for a medic, for the fourth division. They say he's alive, but hardly. This officer, this third seat, who lies in the cooling puddles of this rain, his friends tell me my career is over. I'm a monster. I'll be executed. And I say, "If I am executed, who will become the third seat?"

This is how I gained my position and earned much contempt. Through the next year, I passed my probation and was promoted to the sixth division's lieutenant, the second seat. I was reputed as a master of swordsmanship, a failure of spell casting and an animal of sorts. It wasn't a secret that I sleep around, or that I spent too much time in the bars. The only secrets I would ever hold are the secrets about Hisana. I began to understand that it was not a coincidence that I was assigned under the command of Byakuya Kuchiki. I later learned he had been the shinigami she had married. And Byakuya, well, he knew all about me.

One evening, he looked at me and said, "I specifically asked that you work under me. There is a reason for this."

I had a cigarette rolling between my lips and I said, "It couldn't have been that you sensed my great spirit potential?"

He nodded. "That's accurate, but I didn't anticipate that you would become my second seat; but I had intended to offer you a job of sorts."

"You didn't need to have me assigned to your division for that. You should already know I work under people for cash."

His eyes were fixed and cold. "That was not my intention."

I allowed myself to smile and rock back on my chair. Smoke floated up and swept the ceiling. "No," I said, "I don't suppose someone like you would come near me with a ten foot pole."

He simply nodded and said, "There's a man outside Soul Society, and because I am bound by oath to abide by the laws of this world, he remains alive. It doesn't concern me whether or not his death is discreet. Kill him in whichever way you see fit."

"Ah," I'd said. "Sucks to have status sometimes. Is that why you thought of me? Because I'm so low, murder is not out of my character?" Byakuya nodded again. "But now you've got a problem, don't you? I'm a lieutenant. Why would I want to give that up?"

"Nobody inside Soul Society, who is strong enough would be willing to accept this job; however, I expect you will because of your nature. Not as a murderer," and he nearly grins, "but as a madman."

And I laughed. "Alright Captain, I get you." He'd walked out of the room and seemed pleased that I had been considering it. Every part of me must be rotten because even with wealth and success, I still commit these past evils. It's not for money. I have that now. More than I need. So why would I go back to old sins?

Part of it is because my Captain asked it of me. And there seems to be nothing I'm not willing to do for him. I would kill for him, do time for him and perhaps, even die. The other reason, I suppose the stronger one, is that I haven't changed. What acts are beneath me? I don't know. I still haven't drawn the lines I'll never cross. So what won't I do? Who I won't I hurt?

I don't know.

…

Rukia stops me in the hall. She says she's heard from her brother that I've been given an assignment in the living world. "A real doozey," she says and, "good luck." She walks beside me until we hear a man behind us call out. She excuses herself once Lieutenant Shuuhei Hisagi nods to her. I watch her scamper away.

"Hisagi," I say. There's no need for formalities. He smiles at me and motions for me to follow him. As I slowly chase him, we don't say a word. He leads me into his office and shuts the door.

Then he says, "heard about your little human expedition. Guess I won't be seeing you for a while." He grins, and I can see the tip of his tongue skimming his teeth.

"Not for a while," I say, watching him walk closer. He presses me against the wall and his hands start to wonder. They drag down to my waist and tug at my pants. His mouth touches my neck and he starts to kiss me. His hands keep scanning my body, sneaking into my clothes. I feel his fingers glide from my stomach to my back as he pushes his groin into my leg.

"What?" he says, his lips moving against my neck. "You're timid today." So I curl my hands around his waist and he hums. He tells me, "I've also heard that you went home with two strangers last night." One of his brows lift. "What's that about?"

"I was drunk," I say.

"Renji," he presses into me harder, "I'm getting tired of that excuse." And he's heard it often, but he's never lost his patience with me. He's been hearing it since I joined the military, since he took interest in me. As my superior, he'd never done anything to comprise the professional relationship, that is, not until I hadprovoked him.

Count back to Six Months Ago…

I am laughing through my teeth, hardly keeping my eyes open as I stumble through the place. The lighting is dim, so I felt my way around the lounge. Once the course fabric scratches against my palm, I recognize it and sit on the couch. There's a hand patting me on the shoulder. A voice in my ear, saying, "That' a boy, Renji," and I am leaning forward over the table. "Congrats on third seat!"

I nod, and press my right nostril flat with my hand. I snort it; and when I sit back up, I still feel the sting in my nose. I sniff into my knuckles and scrunch my nose for a moment before my face relaxes. Then I said, "thanks."

Somebody comes through the door and yells, "what the fuck?" He storms around the place and starts telling people to get out. He says, "This is my house! Get out now." He puts his hands on his head and says, "I'm serious," because nobody is moving. With that, we all start moving through the door. I feel a pat on my back again, and the man beside me leaves. I follow, but once I'm on the street I don't remember who it was I'd left with.

My head feels detached from my shoulders and the dark air is staring at me with it's thousands of white, pinpoint eyes. Suddenly, I don't know where to go. I don't know what to do with all these eyes watching. They start to blur, those white specks and I don't remember how, but I'm throwing my hands against someone's door. Where? Why? I'm being watched. The stars, they followed me. They're glaring at me still, the whole lot of them. So I'm hoping the door will open soon. Whose door? Where?

And the door opens. A voice is speaking. It's saying, "Renji? Renji is that… what're you…?" In front of me is the door and behind the door is Shuuhei Hisagi. I know about the way he looks at me. I know about the things he says. I've heard since the academy days. I can see his eyes, and they aren't tiny and bright and blinking, so I trust him.

I tell him he has to let me in. I tell him that the stars are not beautiful tonight and he has to let me in. He does, but he has this certain look on his face. He looks almost curiously at me. He asks if I've been drinking. Why yes, I have. Have I been getting high? Also, why yes, I have. And am I high? Among other things, why yes, I am.

He sighs and ushers me into his living room. He starts to talk, saying he has an early shift tomorrow. He'll get his coat and bring me home. He keeps saying, "hang on. Hang on. Let me grab my coat." He's not looking at me much though. Except for a few sneaky peeks from underneath his bangs.

I am leaning against his wall and listening to his soft rambling of "hang on, hang on." And I'm too aware of the way he glances at me. His eyes, and how they quickly move down me and then dart away. I know about how he talks of me, and how his friends caution him. When Shuuhei comes back into the room with his coat in his hand, I take it from him and drop it onto the floor. I say, "that's not necessary." And he looks curiously at me again and bends to pick it up. I'm smiling and once he picks it up, I take it from him again.

He says, "Renji."

And I say, "Yeah, Shuuhei," and I move even closer to him, "what do you need, Shuuhei?" He looks up at me with stretched eyes, and he swallows hard. He opens his mouth like a fish and then closes it. I lift my hand onto the side of his neck and bring my mouth close to his cheek. I'm saying, "I don't think you'll be needing your coat, Shuuhei."

His voice is breathy. "Renji," he says again. "Hang on," he sighs as start to kiss his neck, "hang on." His hand is hesitant, but eventually it comes to push softly on my chest.

And he says, "This is wrong. You're not thinking clearly. This is wrong. It's so wrong." He repeats this quietly, his eyes start to close and he shakes his head.

I move back in front of him and say, "let's go to your room, Shuuhei." I can see the door of his bedroom open from down the hall, so I walk toward it. I can feel his eyes watching me although he doesn't move. Once I'm close to the doorway, I feel him moving toward me. At the foot of the bed, I cross my arms in front of me and take my shirt off.

I feel him pull at my arm and say, "come on, Renji. Let's bring you home." And I smile at him again and stand in close enough that our stomachs touch. I lift his chin slightly with my hand and kiss his throat. He's protesting, but he leans into me. I feel him straining against my leg as he says, "you need to go home."

I know he wants this so badly. So why shouldn't I give this to him? I see the look changing in his eyes as his control slowly slips away. His hands start to grab at me. His breathing gets heavier and he's begging me, "don't. Renji don't. I can't stop myself. Don't." But he keeps grabbing me, keeps pressing into me. He moves his lips onto mine and the way he kisses me is full of need. As he's telling me we need to stop, our hands hurry to remove each other's clothing. And then his rambling takes a new direction as he tells me how he's dreamt of this, of me, of us. He says I have no idea how long or how badly. He says that I'm the most gorgeous and sensual being he's ever seen; but I'm not really listening- I'm sucking on his cock. And I'm thinking, I hope the stars aren't watching.

He lies back on the bed and pushes his hips into my mouth. At the same time he's pulling at the back of my head. I don't want him to come yet, so I lift my mouth off him and tell him to, "hurry up and fuck me."

Present Time…

Against the wall of his office, Shuuhei runs his hands over my stomach and says, "you've been working out more." Then his mouth moves onto my chest and he says, "let me see more of you."

I hold onto the back of his neck. "If you want me to undress," I say, "then get busy. I'm not going to do it for you." His smile grows wider and he pushes me toward his desk. His hands move roughly over me and tug my clothes onto the floor.

"Hah," he breathes, his palms pressing my shoulders onto the desk's surface, "I expected you to struggle a bit more." He moves over top me and licks my collarbone. I have to wonder, just what is Shuuhei thinking? Or maybe he's not putting any thought into this at all. What's going on now, this pressing of bodies, it can't be affection. It's not fondness, passion or friendship. What am I to Shuuhei? I can answer that with what he is to me.

It's because I was acting timid that he let's my mouth get so close to his skin. Maybe it's because I let him think he'd be jamming his dick up my ass; but I haven't let him do that since the first time we'd been together. And I don't intend to let it happen a second time. You shove a brick up your ass and tell me how it feels.

So I bite him. And he throws himself off of me and says, "Ah, fuck Renji!" I take this opportunity to get off the desk. He's rubbing his neck and sighing, "that really hurt." He lets me close to him, and I shove him against the wall.

With my hands on his hips and my teeth at his ear, I say, "don't forget who is fucking whom."

So what am I to Shuuhei? I hear him groan into my ear. I'm his hobby. I'll never fool myself into thinking I'm more.

…

After leaving Shuuhei's office, it's already the early evening and the sky is getting dusty. I walk along the wooden balconies and look only straight ahead. On a one-way path to self-destruction, there's no looking back. The future is just as ruinous as the past and neither holds any precious lessons. I suppose this is how I justify my unlawful existence. Eventually, I'll be the death of me; so that's enough to deserve to survive- for the moment anyway.

As I walk through the sixth division's training grounds, many young officers nod to me. They say, 'good evening Lt. Abarai' and 'it's an honour Lt. Abarai'. I can't tell if they're genuine or just scared, but as I walk by them, I leave a trail of whispering behind me.

When I walk into the offices, I'm greeted by the loud laughter of Rukia Kuchiki- my Cinderella. She has a tabloid in her tiny hands and a group of female shinigami crowded around it. She looks up at me, giggling. "Renji," she smiles, "Renji, our Lieutenant of scandals!" I walk over to her and the incriminating newspaper.

"They catch my bad side again?" I ask, leaning in. My arm brushes against one of Rukia's girls, and she squeaks at the contact. The rest of them huddle closer and try not to laugh.

"Do you have any other sides?" Rukia says. I take the paper from her and read the headline: Sixth's Drunken Lieutenant Makes Scene at Local Restaurant. I can't help but grimace. Beside the article is a gray photo of me inside the restaurant, shirtless and holding a bag of fast food.

I point to it and say, "I don't remember that."

"No, of course not," Rukia says, smiling. "Oh, and Renji? My brother wants to see you."

"Heading there now."

I meet him in the office. He's as indifferent as ever, standing to the side and eyeing up the stack of papers on his desk. He says, "Renji. I assume you've made all the necessary arrangements for your departure?"

I nod. "All I need is my sword, Captain."

"Are you prepared to leave within the hour?"

Well, he's ahead of schedule but, "ready and able, sir."

"I'll be accompanying you through the portal."

"Any reason for not mentioning that before?" I ask. It's a small detail, but it's trivial. And for some reason, it just doesn't sit well with me.

"There are details not on the report," he says so perfect and evenly, "You will require a briefing beforehand."

I smirk. "Away from shinigami ears? Yeah," I say, "I get you."

"Good," he says, "dismissed."

"Captain," I say and he turns to look at me. "Permission to speak frankly?"

"Granted."

"Don't try to fool me into believing that this is a practice of discretion," I say this knowing I'm out of line, "this's a practice of secrecy. And I'm not your confidant; I'm your accomplice. So you better spill everything because it's my life on the line." My jaw is clenching and it takes some effort for me to keep talking, "You're hiding something, or you're lying. But the advantages you gain from that will only last until the truth is found out. So, by god, I hope you've got a lot to say in that portal."

"Dismissed."

Oh, Renji! I've written you to be so hypocritical. Anyway, forgive SPs- I'm the only person who looks over these suckers.