500 reviews, no joke. This is a page for ever day since I last updated! So, it's a LONG chapter!

My heart goes out to all the people in the bushfire crisis in Victoria, no, I wasn't there, but some of the stuff that has happened is tragic- I hope all my readers are ok!

Second, with the return of Rove, it has now been made official… THERE IS NO 20 BUCKS ANYMORE! I am devastated! How are we going to know who someone will turn gay for IF NO ONE ASKS! Ah well, that means I'm the sole user of 20 bucks… sweet!

FWWBH: G'day everyone! I hope your all good this week, there's been a LOT of stuff going on! Oh, and I really hate homework. So, on this good day, to the excitement of many of our readers, we have been joined by some new and interesting guests. Please welcome to the stage for the first time… THE HONORARY VOLTURI! Marcus, Caius and Aro!

Emmett's Girl 47: We love you Volturi!

Aro: Hello my lovelies, were just here to control your every action a- er… what I mean is… answer a few questions, yes! Wonderful, my friends!

Ashleyisadork: MARRY ME ARO!

FWWBH: Right. So, if you're ready to get into things, your time starts… NOW!

dramaqueen-144: Can I ask Caius why he is so evil. Did he have a traumatic childhood experience?

Caius: I don't remember my childhood.

dramaqueen-144: As if, I'm sure your just blocking out all the painful experiences as to not get hurt.

Caius: I DON'T REMEMBER!

dramaqueen-144: See what I mean? You need therapy.

VirgIsMyBird: Question to all 3 vamps: Have you ever had the urge to, well you know, experiment different things with each other?

Caius: Experiment? Oh, we've done more than experiment, we've done things that would make your toes curl an-

Marcus: No, nothing. He's just sad that we haven't and that our wives wouldn't let us anyway.

Emmett's Girl 47: Caius, do you feel left out because you don't have a talent?

Caius: I do have a talent… a talent for EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL!

mAcKiE mOo: Aro, Why do you act really nice even though you are a snake on the inside?

Aro: My dear, why would you think something like that? I love EVERYONE and EVERYTHING. Like kittens and daisies and fluffy rabbits- *adds in whisper* and sucking the blood out of innocent humans!

Stefanlover12: First for Aro, will you ever stop being so cheery, it gets on my nerves?

Aro: Cheery? My dear ray of sunshine, this is me in a bad mood!

Caius: He's serious you know, you don't want to see him happy! Like that time when he ordered Dimitri to track his own butt, or when he changed the Volturi motto to "Join the volturi, we have cookies!" But the happiest I've ever seen him is when he accidentally mooned Edward Cullen when he came to rescue Bella from an evil tea party of doooooom that he was having. Ah, Good times.

Stefanlover12: Caius. Dude you have anger management problems. Will you ever just shut up and forget every thing that ever made you angry already!?

Caius: Angry? Who's angry? I'm not angry, no! Why would I be angry when no one loves me and everything's going wrong and I just want to read a good book and drink tea but INSTEAD have to go and SLAUGHTER innocent HUMANS at random INTERVALS. NO! I'M NOT F***ING ANGRY NO, ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!

Deep breaths.

Stefanlover12: Ok then… Marcus, I'm sorry about what happened to your wife. If you ever had to choose somebody else that is from the Volturi guard who would it be?

Marcus: Mmph. Dunno, don't care. Most likely Renata; we have the most spiritual connection.

Custardmaker: Have you, Aro, Marcus and Caius had a foursome with Carlisle at any point? I always wondered that!

Aro: Who tells you of these rumours? There lies, all of them! *leans in to whisper to Caius* have her killed, she knows too much!

Lolgirl607: Stop murdering innocents and POP SOME DARN POPCORN PEOPLE!

-Popcorn magically falls from the sky-

FWWBH: Seriously, how do you do that?

Vampire Note: Marcus, are you gay? Is that why you're the only Volturi who is still single?

Marcus: I had a wife called Didyme, She died she died, Aro said she was sleeping, He lied he lied!

Vampire Note: And Aro, what is the weirdest thought you have heard?

Aro: Felix once had an idea that we turn the feeding room into a 'roller boogie' complete with strobe lights, a disco ball and bad American 1970's music. I liked it, The others did not.

CullenBlackForever: Aro: Do you ever have naughty thoughts about Carlisle? And will you be my buddy?

Aro: Sure I'll be your buddy! *whispers evilly* as long as you come for dinner! *normal voice* And Carlisle? No! Never! Well, at least you can't prove anything…

PimmyJalmer: Can I personally smack the members of the Volturi for even thinking about Carlisle? *growls *

FWWBH: Seriously don't think that would be conducive to your health.

PimmyJalmer: Meh, you can always call Pablo.

FWWBH: Pablo?

PimmyJalmer: The security guy? Wow, you must be a really bad boss not to know the names of your staff. Pablo and I are on first name basis! Oh, and a question for all of you Volturi, why don't you go to some place like Jamaica to kill and slaughter innocent humans? The tropics are great!

Caius: The puny human has a point!

PimmyJalmer: Hey! Not puny?

Mrsjaperhale: For Aro, I had a dream about you last night-

Aro: Ooohhh. Thankyou my dear, if I do say so, you look fairly appetizing yourself!

Mrsjaperhale: No eww not like that! I… I… think I'm going to be sick.

-runs off stage to puke in a toilet, therefore not getting a chance to ask her awesome question-

Lolgirl607: Marcus, What is your lip gloss of choice?

Marcus: Sweet as honeysuckle! Is so HOT! I mean, really cool. Its like, pretty pink and EVERYTHING!

cynic(dot)in(dot)a(dot)fishbowl: Marcus, how old was you when you were changed?

Marcus: I was a mere twenty three. Not long out of my mother's womb, still in the opening stages of infancy, I can't even really remember what I was doing that long ago…

The Dawn Is Breaking: I'm going to do another 'Miss Ten Questions '...Hm...HERE IT IS!

Aro, considering the fact that you've been around for at least 2000 years, was Jesus a good bloke?
How does it feel to kill your only sister?
Since you're Italian, can you say 'I need my pizza and my Momma' in an Italian accent, complete with hand movements?

Caius, do you know Voldemort's anger management class? Maybe you should join...
Did you play that extremist, delusional albino monk in 'The Da Vinci Code'?
Why do you think your wife loves you? Honestly, I think she's better off with
a helicopter...

Marcus, can I poke you?
Do you know where I could get some Nurpooples? I seriously need them for my Kalfuffizzles...
Did you find Heidi in a strip club in downtown Las Vegas?

And this is for all of you - Are you bringing Sexy Back? -'Sexy back' starts blaring out around the studio-

Aro: Ah… Jesus, good bloke! He was so kind and compassionate… and tasty! I mean, holy. Yes, he was most holy by the time we were finished with him, missing and arm, a leg and a spleen! And I can go one better than the accent- I can say it in full Italian! I've been practicing so I could fit in better! Devo mio pizza e mio mamma! *waves hands in Italian style * (A/N this is where being in extension Italian at school pays off… when your impersonating bloodthirsty Italian vampire who like pizza!)

Caius: Voldy? God that guy's lost his touch, he used to be sexy man, and then he had to go and spoil it all by losing to a stinking teenager. Pa-the-tic. And for the Da Vinci code thing, that's like totally mean, I'm HOT goddammit! Which is also why my wife loves me. And also, I'm good in bed *winks*. So, I'm definitely bringing Sexy back!

Everyone: Gah! Buckets, puke, need BUCKETS!

Marcus: I'm pretty sure you're supposed to give Lemonicles to Kalfuffizzles, not Nurpooples. And Heidi? Well, let's just say we didn't find her in Sunday school at the local church…

TDIB: *poke*

Marcus: *stares*

TDIB: I'll just be going now *backs away slowly*

Krissy: Has Aro ever had a thing for Carlisle and if so, does he still?

Aro: What is it with everyone wanting to know if I've had a thing with or for Carlisle? Seriously, who told you all? Cause I'm sure they were lying…

FWWBH: Yet again, Yeah right.

Krissy: Has Marcus forgiven Aro for killing his mate yet?

Aro: Shhhhhh! He still doesn't know.

Marcus: hmm-dy hmmm-dy hmmm… ah, what are we talking about?

Krissy: Does Aro, Marcus and Caius use any of their minions (as in Jane, Heidi, ect. also the GUYS) for...sexual relief?

Caius: I find that insulting. How do you know THEY don't come to US!

Marcus: *In sing song voice* Caius likes Demitri.

Caius: Do not!

Marcus: *In sing song voice* Caius is Demitri's Bitch.

Caius: Am not!

Marcus: *In sing song voice* He thinks the whole tracking his butt thing was cute.

Caius: Did… not… ok so who didn't find that a turn on?

Krissy: Who has the worst temper in the entire Volturi?

Aro: Lord Voldemort! Oh wait, wrong book. Uh… I'd say Felix.

Krissy: Who is the most evil out of the entire Volturi?

Caius: Mwa ha, mwa ha ha! The most eeeeeeeeeeevil person, in the entire of the volturi is…. *lightning flashes and bats fly overhead* -suddenly things turn back to normal-. Well, I think Jane, personally, although Alec can be a little twat if you get on his bad side, seriously!

Krissy: Who is the most good in the entire Volturi?

Marcus: Honey, the definition of Volturi is EVIL. Not good.

Krissy: How old were Jane and Alec when they were turned, seriously, why are they so short?

Aro: Don't let them hear you say that, the end result won't be pretty. Let's just say there… self conscious of their height.

Krissy: Is Aro actually that nice or is he just faking it all the time?

Aro: WHAT? How dare you even THINK that… my lovelies!

FWWBH: -Turns to Hymnophile and Kisses of Chocolate- Stop the clock. I'm afraid that your answer can't be trusted; we need an impartial judge, preferably one that can hear your thoughts.

Team Vampire/Edward Fans: EDWARD, EDWARD, EDWARD!

Edward Cullen: -speaks through new loudspeaker system, which has been put in for the safety of the Twilight characters. - He's lying you know. *girls swoon/faint at the sound of Edwards voice*

Krissy: Does Aro find many dirty thoughts about Edward from the others? Does he have any about Edward?

Aro: What, NO!

EC: Again, unfortunately… lying.

Crowd: *Wolf whistles.*

SarahtheEmpath: Marcus: Why are you always so bored looking?

Marcus: Life has no meaning for me… unless it has to do with watching the Superbowl or fishing. Charlie and I get along great!

SarahtheEmpath: Caius, How does it feel to be the only member of your threesome that doesn't have a power?

Caius: WHAT ABOUT MY POWER OF DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM? Come on? No even a little tremor?

Jasper'sSoulMate: Aro, did you ever have a crush on Rosalie?

Aro: Rosalie no! But the other Hale isn't bad looking…

Jasper'sSoulMate: NO! MY JASPER, MINE!

FWWBH: Oh God, not again.

Lollyluvsya: this is for Marcus, Caius and Aro: If you could choose to go on a hot date with one of the Cullen girls who would it be and where would you take them?

Marcus: I bags Alice! She and I would have a lot in common. You know, with all the fashion and makeup and shopping and stuff? Oh! We could GO shopping on the date!

Caius: Definitely Bella, I would take her to a restaurant… she would be on the menu!

Aro: Rosalie! I've always had a thing for blondes… And we'd go to… laser tag! Yeah, cool.

Alice is in Wonderland: Marcus, why are you always so bored? Doesn't ANYTHING amuse you? You need a girlfriend or something!

Marcus: The sight of my face in a mirror amuses me, but that's about it. -holds up mirror- ha, ha ha, ha ha ha!

Alice is in Wonderland: Caius, why are you such an evil little cow all the time?

Marcus: He got changed when he was going through menopause. It still hasn't stopped; he'll be like this for the rest of eternity.

Caius: I heard that.

Aro: If you didn't I'd be worried. You have super hearing, and he's sitting right next to you!

Sk8rChick2355: Aro, are you short?

Aro: No, I'm just special.

Sk8rChick2355: Caius, how do you pronounce your name properly?

Caius: It's pronounced… Caius! Was that helpful?

Sk8rChick2355: No. Not really.

momiji's secret girlfriend: Did you actually ask to touch Bella just so you could feel her, or was it really just to read her mind?

Aro: Why would I want to feel Bella? *whispers* how do they know all of our secrets!?

momiji's secret girlfriend: Marcus, Hey, I heard that nothing startles you. so HOW 'BOUT THIS!?? -lunges and gives him a big kiss on the cheek-

Marcus: Er… awwm… shucks!

Acorn9881: Marcus, do you have a crush on Felix?

Marcus: I prefer the term man friend.

Mysterious Reviewer: Marcus, how many centuries ago was your last smile?

Aro: Centuries, try MILENNIA!

Marcus: -looks at mirror- ha, ha ha, ha ha HA!

Mysterious Reviewer: Caius, Do you act as twisted and power-hungry and bloodthirsty as you do in Breaking Dawn all the time? Or was it just the immortal child thing that gives you nerves?

Marcus: Eating bunnies and innocent children is fun, fun, FUN!

Mysterious Reviewer: And to all three, OMG, like, seriously, how old are you guys?

Aro: That's none of your business; I'm very sensitive about my age!

Ping.

FWWBH: Woah, this was a long one. What's up with the timer?

Kisses of Chocolate: We forgot to start it up again after the… impartial judge came on.

FWWBH: Huh. So guys, make it quick! Who would you turn gay for?

THE VOTURI: *leans and mumbles*

FWWBH: Oh. Ha… and you don't even realise… Next week we have Part 2 of the Volturi, Jane, Alec, Felix, Demetrei, Renata, Heidi, Gianna and Chelsea!

Until then!

Read, Review, Vote in the poll on my profile page! I really liked this chapter, I was in a kind of funny/high mood when I wrote it.

Love (Mmm… the impartial judge)

\m/(0.0)\m/

Rock on!

FWWBH (FuzzyWuzzyWithBadHaircut)

Who Forks HS would turn gay for:

Mike, Eric, Tyler: Edward Cullen
Coach Clapp: Mr Banner
Mr Banner: Coach Clapp
Jessica, Lauren: Bella Swan
Angela: The wicked witch of the west
Ben: The dancing midget from You Tube