Welcome back, the chapter without further ado.
FWWBH: Aloha my esteemed and extended family! And welcome to the show that puts Channel Ten to shame (but not really)! Today's guests, and yes I use the plural guests, are the life blood- or death blood- of the Volturi! Please welcome the main Volturi guard, and secretary- Chelsea, Alec, Heidi, Demetri, Gianna, Felix, Renata and JANE!
Alec: Hello! We're all glad to be here.
FWWBH: We're glad to have you here. I hope you're all ready, these questions will be hard! So, your time starts… NOW!
Dramaqueen-144: Does Demetri use his power to stalk people?
Heidi: Tracking's just a less creepy term for stalking, so… yes.
EclipsingHarmony: For Jane and Alec: Would you two consider yourselves fun-sized, and if so, what fun things do you do?
Jane: Grrrr…
Alec: Jane, remember what the doctor said, getting angry is bad for your health.
Jane: No, I'm just upset we don't do anything fun! Cause we ARE fun sized.
EclipsingHarmony: For everyone, does anyone have an idea about what happened with Carlisle and the ancients?
Gianna: Well, we did hear a few funny noises from the back room… but no one really knows what happened. I mean, they said that they were playing poker but… it could have been strip poker for all we know.
EclipsingHarmony: Demetri, Dude, you tracked Caius' butt? What was waiting for you when you found it?
Demetri: I didn't track CAIUS butt, I tracked my OWN butt. There's a big difference you know.
Felix: Not really, it's still kind of degrading.
Demetri: Whatever, he's my boss; I have to do what he says.
EclipsingHarmony: If you could choose any of the Cullen's/hales to eat when they're human, who would you guys choose?
Renata: Carlisle, definitely! Because then I could say I'd eaten an angel. Mmm… can you imagine how yummy he'd taste?
Heidi: No! Edward, most definitely! That fine piece of ass would be the world's tastiest snack.
Team Edward: AMEN!
EclipsingHarmony: For all of you, what kind of dirty thoughts have you purposely thought when Aro...or Edward even... was reading your mind?
Gianna: None that are appropriate for T rated Fan-Fiction, that's for sure!
Edward:*over loudspeaker* that's not entirely true, there was that one time in which you thought about the entire Volturi doing the chicken dance.
Gianna: They were all naked during that particular thought.
Edward: Oh, right.
Soapy-Liedown: How annoyed does it make you when your powers can't hurt Bella?
Jane: Bella Swan. *narrows eyes* She's the most annoying human being on the planet, infuriatingly sexy an-
Felix: What did you just say?
Jane: NOTHING!
Mrsjaperhale: For any of you, will you pretty please turn me into a vampire?
Demetri: Do you have any verifiable talent?
Mrsjaperhale: I can stalk vampires really well!
Heidi: We already have a guy who does that. So no.
Mrsjaperhale: Then what if I told you I knew about the existence of vampires?
Chelsea: Mmm… no.
Mrsjaperhale: What if I find one of those 50 ways to provoke the Volturi lists and do it until you turn me!
Renata: You wouldn't!
Mrsjaperhale: First up, steal Aro's Teddy!
Felix: NO!
Mrsjaperhale: Then… I'll Place witch's hats in random places like the feeding room!
Jane: I'll kill you
Alec: You'd kill her anyways
Jane: …I'd enjoy it more
Emmett's Girl 47: Jane and Alec - what celebrities do you think would portray you guys the best, supposing there was a movie based upon your lives?
Jane: I don't know, I've always likes Dakota Fanning…
Alec: Pierce Brosnan, totally!
Jane: In your dreams!
Sk8rChick2355: Chelsea, why do you have such a normal name when no one else does?
Chelsea: I was "Born" only a little while ago around two centuries, everyone else is from the stone age.
Destiny Kalince: Demetri, will you marry me?
Demetri: No
Destiny Kalince: Can I at least sit in your lap and cuddle?
Demetri: No
Destiny Kalince: A hug?
Demetri: No
Destiny Kalince: Can I have an autograph?
Demetri: No
Destiny Kalince: Um… even if I let you bite me?
Demetri: Hmmm… Take a seat!
Destiny Kalince:*jumps up and down* YAY!
Mrs(dot)JasperWhitlockIsMine: Chelsea, have you ever tightened the bonds of you and the male or female you liked to get them?
Chelsea: No *shifty eyes* Why would you think I would do that to Aro? I mean, anyone…
Mrs(dot)JasperWhitlockIsMine: Jane, have you ever liked a human.
Jane: Ah… Bobby Threeface.
FWWBH: Um… I think I speak for everyone when I say- WHAT?
Jane: It was the swinging sixties, and Aro suggested I go on holidays to relieve some of my anger management issues. Shame it was at a nudist colony. But I fell in love there, and everything was good until he… he…
Jasper: Hold on, is this the same guy that started hitting on Edward when WE went to the nudist colony?
Jane: It wasn't a guy.
Jasper: But… the chest hair?
Jane: Not a guy.
Jasper: *shudders*
Mrs(dot)JasperWhitlockIsMine: JASPER!
Jasper: *Sprints in opposite direction*
(A/N Yes, Jane will be in the nudist colony story! Maybe even with other special guest characters… Haven't you ever wondered where Bella was made? Hmmm? But I can do ANY of the story unless you VOTE IN MY POLL!)
Krissy: Since Jane and Alec are family, do they actually care about each other or is it just business?
Alec: I care… about business.
Krissy: Did Alec and Jane secretly find it a turn on when Bella could defy their gifts?
Jane: *shifty eyes* nope, nuh huh, nien, non, NO!
Krissy: Does Felix have a thing for Bella, because he was being a little flirtatious to her in Breaking Dawn?
Felix: I'm flirtatious to everyone baby, it's a gift… I'M a gift. Rawr!
Krissy:*shudder* Did Demetri become a tracker just to copy James?
Demetri: James copied ME! I'm the awesomest!
Krissy: Does Chelsea ever make the ancients have a better relationship with her (as in the dirty kind of relationship) so she can get special treatment?
Chelsea: I don't need my gift to get things steaming up with the ancients. They love me just the way I am and treat me like a princess ALWAYS! They love me! But, hypothetically, I MIGHT if I felt like it.
Krissy: Why did Jane not like it when she found out Aro gave Bella a gift? *in suspicious voice*
Jane: It was shiny, I like shiny things, he should have given me the shiny thing!
Krissy: Renata is very protective of Aro...why is that *in suspicious voice again*?
Renata: Because he's my boss, and it's my job. Duh!
Jasper Whitlock Luver: Jane, are you sure that you and Alice aren't related? Like your both small, both shopaholics and I'm pretty sure you like MY man Jasper like Alice does!
Jane: Shopaholic? Yeah right, the last time I went shopping was like… 300BC! Black cloaks were all the rage then!
Alice Cullen: *GASP* I can't stand not shopping every ten MINUTES let alone like 2300 YEARS! You're coming with me after the show- you need a new wardrobe!!!!
Jane: *Curses*
Alice is in Wonderland: Felix, do you have a crush on Bella?
She's Pretty! Hee hee hee hee! No, its strictly professional...
Lolgirl607: First off, JANE, YOU RULE! And so does Alec. How old are you?
Let's just say, Jesus and I were good mates. And before that, I knew an Adam, and an Eve. They were together you know...
Lolgirl607: Jane, what kind of car do you drive?
Jane: A Bugatti Veyron Hermès. World's fastest land car! It costs 1.5 million dollars. (A/N Link on my profile! Its AWESOME!)
CullenBlackForever: Alec: Please, please, please will you be my boyfriend? You can kill me if you want. I won't mind!
Alec: What is it with everyone today; I swear there's something in the water here!
-All turn to look at water cooler and see feuledbyfiction pouring something strange in the water-
Feuledbyfiction: What? It's funnier when the girls are all hyped up and love struck!
CullenBlackForever: Jane: Will you kill Edward for me? I really HATE him. Do you enjoy hurting people?
Team Jacob/Werewolf/Seth/Aro: Yeah! Why didn't we think to ask that question!
Team Vampire/Edward/Emmett/Jasper/Awesome people: Oh. My. Carlisle. OH NO YOU DID-DENT!
Hymnophile: *growls* You are going to pay. Big time. You, me, car park, NOW!
CullenBlackForever: As if
Hymnophile: Why, you scared?
CullenBlackForever: No, you just have to do the timing.
Hymnophile: Right, damnit.
FWWBH: No fighting. We've even gotten another security guard. His name is Hose. Say hello ladies.
Hymnophile: Whoa. He's big.
FWWBH: Yeah, don't mess with the employee of the month!
(A/N I'll give a special shout out and their choice of Twilight character to anyone who can tell me which show that's from! Its first in best dressed though, whoever call's it first gets it)
darkangelpristess: Jane do you want to be my best friend?
Jane: Um… sure. But I'll have to be a long distance friend. I live in Italy, slaughtering innocent humans for a living, so I wont get much time to come visit. It's a very hardworking and fulfilling job.
The Young Authoress: Question for Jane, Did getting burned as a witch make you such a pain that you hate life? Or something like that.
Jane: I hate life mainly becuase I hate life. I dont really know why, although, I blame my mother...
The Young Authoress: And for Alec: Why do you put up with Jane? She can't do anything to you. You can cut of her senses? Are you two a twosome?
Alec: NO! She's my sister. *Shifty eyes, whispers to Jane* God, Aro was right! They can tell all of our secrets!
The Dawn Is Breaking: Another TEN QUESTIONS! Here it is!
Jane and Alec, which one of you is the evil twin -voice goes creepy-?
Demetri, can you please track the cast of High School Musical for me? I just want to give them stink-bomb-filled sundaes so that they'll die- I mean, get food poisoning, hehehe...
Heidi, did you work in a strip club in Las Vegas? Do you still work in a strip club?
Renata, this is what most of us fan girls wonder...Do vampires fart?
Gianna, how does it feel to become a vampire's dinner in the not too distant future?
Chelsea, how does it feel to be owned by a newborn vampire? I mean, hello! New-Born = Inexperienced little twit.
Felix, can you capture Gaspard Ulliel (A/N Hottie! Link On My Profile) for me? Oh wait...You're not the cool, tracking Volturi vampire...my bad...
All, don't you just hate those people that ask you ten questions without stopping?
Would any of you turn gay for Miley Cyrus or the Jonas Brothers? If the answer is no, then 5% of the world population disagree with you.
And lucky last, does Aro ever cheat on his wife? I just want to know...-Shifty eyes-
Jane: Alec and I are both evil, were in the Volturi for goodness sakes!
Demetri: The cast of high school musical? I think they're on the set for the 27th movie in the HSM series… The last reunion of high school musical! Gosh, they've stretched it out a while!
Chelsea: Don't pay out High School Musical! *starts singing* WERE ALL IN THIS TO-GETH-ER!
Heidi: A strip club? One of those tame places? As if. I worked in a-
FWWBH: WOAH! T RATED FANFIC!
Renata: No, vampires do not fart!
Demetri: *fart sound* Sorry, couldn't help myself!
Gianna: I'm not going to be dinner, NO! They'll learn to love me, THEY HAVE TO!
Chelsea: Hmph… no comment.
Felix: Gaspard Ulliel. Mmm… HOT!
FWWBH: OH YEAH!
Felix: Mmmmmmmmmm… Gaspard…
Alec: If you know we hate teh ten questions, why do you insist on asking?
TDIB: Cause its awesome fun! And it's really cool too!
Felix: Mmmmmmmmmm… Jonas Brothers…
FWWBH: Seriously, dude!
-mAcKiE-mOo-: To Jane and Alec, who has the better power?
Jane and Alec: Me.
-mAcKiE-mOo-: Who?
Jane and Alec: I do.
-mAcKiE-mOo-: Still can't hear!
Jane and Alec: Not the other one!
-mAcKiE-mOo-: Ok that's creepy. To the girls, who has the better butt, Alec, Felix or Demetri?
Heidi: Mmm… DEMETRI! I can definitely see why he wanted to chase it! I want to chase his butt too!
Chelsea: Nuh, huh! FELIX! God- all that exercise pays off, his ass is HOTT! With a double T and everything!
Jane: NO WAY! Alec's ass is just the cutest little thing!
Volturi: …
Audience: …
Renata: You know you're his sister… right?
Jane: I was… joking… yeah… ha… ha?
Twilightismyheroin: Hey Jane and Alec, why are you so short and how old are you? Technically aren't you like immortal children? I mean, you think that other vampires outside of the Volturi would want you dead!
Jane: Were not immortal children! Gosh, were like, thousands of years old! FAR from kids!
Alec: I wanna pony, I WANNA PONY! Aro give me PONY! PRETTY pony! I-WANT POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNY!!!!!!!!!!
Jane: Ok so maybe we are little kids at heart…
Stefanlover12: Jane I understand what you do as a special ability but how do you do it... Oh and don't try it on me because I have Bella to help me, I hope!
Jane: I don't know how I do it, it just comes naturally… I suppose like… THIS! Mwa ha ha ha!
You don't feel it do you?
Stefanlover12:Nope, not in the slightest!
Jane: NO! Damn you Bella Swan!
Stefanlover12: Felix you make me crack up! Dude why are you so dumb sometimes?
Felix: Felix HAPPY! Felix like being on show! Hello shiny! I want pony tooooooooo…
Stefanlover12:… WTH?
Stefanlover12: Demetri why do you track people like for the fun of it or what?
Demetri: It's just what I was born to do, as natural as breathing air!
Heidi: You don't need to breathe air.
Stefanlover12: Another for Jane, do you have a crush on Aro?
Jane: I don't fall for guys who look like prunes!
Jasper'sSoulMate: Felix, I RECKON YOU'RE AWESOME!
Felix: Thank you, thank you very much!
Jasper'sSoulMate: Jane, you really need to grow taller.
Jane: Bite Me.
Jasper'sSoulMate: Demetri, Is it possible to track yourself?
Demetri: Yes, but not exactly necessary, as I already know where I am.
Jasper'sSoulMate: Heidi, ever since I read that you were tall and could wear high heels I bought 2 pairs of wedges! Rock on Heidi!
Heidi: Hey thanks! I hope they were good quality though, Jimmy Choo and Prada all the way!
Jasper'sSoulMate: And to Gianna, Don't give up! They'll change you someday!
Gianna: I know that! And I won't.
Ping
FWWBH: And that's the end of this segment!
Jane: Are you sure you can't stretch this out? I don't want to go shopping with Alice!
FWWBH: Well, there is one last question, Who would you turn gay for?
Felix: But there's so many to choose from!!!
FWWBH: *raises eyebrows*
Volturi: -Leans and Mumbles-
FWWBH: And that's it, have fun shopping Jane! Next week we have… THE DENALI'S! So get out your questions, and get ready to ask! All questions are accepted!
I think I was kind of high when I wrote this, especially the pony part. I'm eating a Grape flavoured starburst lollypop (my favourite) and it has a LOT of sugar in it…
Do you know that the word "shopaholics" is on the Word 2007 spell check? Alice would be proud!
Oh, and I have 109 alerts and 95 favourites, So I'd like a few reviews please!
Love (Whoa, your shirt just told me something!)
FWWBH (FuzzyWuzzyWithBadHaircut)
Who The Volturi Would Turn Gay For:
Aro: Marcus
Marcus: Caius
Caius: Aro