Hi everyone, sorry for the bad review system, lucky I could still post this chapter on time! I'm working on Edwards's chapter now; I'll tell you all when it's up so you can go have a look! Here is the Denali clan!!!
This chapter is dedicated to Stephenie Meyer, for giving us Edward and for continuing her work on MIDNIGHT SUN! Yesssssss!
FWWBH: Ciao a tutti! E Benvenuto al spettacolo! Or, if you don't speak Italian, Hi everyone, and welcome to the show! Today's guests are a group of fantastic vegetarian vamps, who, much like our beloved Cullen's, hunt only animals- although they have been known to cheat, so watch out! Please welcome the Denali's Tanya, Kate, Carmen, Eleazar, Garrett and the back from the dead for one night only- Irina!
-A mixture of loud cheering and booing - the booing being mainly for Tanya- is heard from the audience-
Kate: Great to be here, thanks for having us all!
FWWBH: We're glad that you could make it! So, if you want to get straight into things, your time starts… NOW!
Jasper'sSoulMate: Elezear: Do you know what my power would be… Cause I'd like power manipulation... *laughs evilly* JOKE!!
Eleazar: Unfortunately, the only power I see in you is the ability to change your height… that could come in useful though- you may want to talk to Aro.
Jasper'sSoulMate: Lame power, sure, but I get to join the Volturi! Yay! For Kate, can I have a sleep over?
Kate: Well, yes and no. I'd love to, but I can't sleep so…
Jasper'sSoulMate: Tanya, STOPP BUGGING EDWARD! He prefers Brunettes.
Tanya: Bite me punk!
Jasper'sSoulMate: Irina, Aren't you dead?
Irina: *sarcasm* what a brilliant observation! And besides, were all technically dead anyway! But thanks for rubbing it in.
Jasper'sSoulMate: Carmen you're my second Esme =D
Carmen: Thanks sweetie!
The Dawn Is Breaking: Tanya, how does it feel to be owned by a mere, unco human girl? I mean, Edward PREFERS BRUNETTES!
Did you get that miniskirt at Whores-R-Us?
Kate, can you use your electric current thingy to charge my mobile for me?
What do you call a blonde who dyed her hair brunette?
Irina, have you met Sarah Palin before, and did she put lipstick on a pit bull?
Don't you think James' and Victoria's relationship mirror yours with Laurent, especially the whole 'male-guy-dies-because-of-Bella-and-females-have-a-vendetta-against-Cullens-and-they-almost-die thing?"
Eleazar, what is the difference between a phonimophone and a fartwarthog? I heard the Volturi use the term, so I was wondering...
Carmen, how do you say 'I'm having diahorrea, so stay away from me' in Spanish?
All, do you think Robert Pattinson is bringing Sexy Back?
And one last question, can I have the Cullens' address and phone number? PLEASE?
Tanya: I did not get owned! And I find that insulting! And how do you know where I shop, are you stalking me? That's- oh, you were joking. Um…
Kate: I could try and recharge your mobile for you but it'd probably fry the circuits. And what do you call a blonde who dyed her hair brunette? An Edward Cullen Fan girl of course!
Irina: No, I have not yet had the opportunity to meet Sarah Palin, and as far as I know, she did not put lipstick on a pit bull- or at least, I hope not… And about me and Laurent? Yeah, I suppose it is kind of similar… I never noticed that before.
Eleazar: A Phonimophone and a fartwarthog? Types of cheese maybe?
Carmen: Soy tener un problema, mantenerse a distancia. (A/N that's as close as I can get!) That means, "I have a problem, stay away!" Which is basically the same thing.
Tanya: Robert Pattison is DEFINITLEY brining sexy back! I would know, if you catch my drift…
The Dawn Is Breaking: *mutters* succubus
Kate: But we don't have the Cullens address book and phone number, we all move around too much to have a permanent address.
Krissy: For Tanya: Is it true that she really only suggested that nudist colony
thing just to see Edward naked?
Tanya: Who told you that? Why are you asking! How do you know about the nudist colony!? It was a lot of fun, we did heaps of cool stuff, and Edward and I… well, oh my, GOSH! Just let me say-
FWWBH: Nothing. First off, that is so gross I'm going to puke even though nothing happened, and second, I'm saving it for my story, so your lips are sealed!
Krissy: Do you and Bella ever fight over Edward with nasty brunette/blonde jokes?
Tanya: Are there such things as brunette jokes? And no, we don't, Bella's too nice! *mumbles* Stupid, nice, evil, little-
Krissy: Do you ever name her human men Edward and give them a bronze wig?
Tanya: Mmm… No. But good idea. Although I don't think any of them could compare to Edwards hotness!
Edward Fan girls: HELL YEAH!
Krissy: For Kate, Do you get annoyed when/if Garrett calls you Katy or Kay-Kay or Katykins or Kit-Kat or Killer-Katy or Katy-Cutie or do you like it?
Kate: Anything my Gary-poo wants to call me is fine with me! *shares goo-goo eyes with Garrett*
Half the Audience: Awwwww!
The Other Half: Ewwwwwwwww!
For Irina: Was Laurent your mate or your friend because in the book, they explained him as a friend, but in the index thing in the Breaking Dawn book, it explained him as your mate?
Irina: Laurent and I had many different days, sometimes we were lovers, sometimes friends-
Kate: *mutters* and yet, they were always annoying!
Krissy: For Garrett, When he and Kate are...busy, how much pain does he go through because of her gift? Does he enjoy the pain like an emo cutting himself (no offence to emo's or people who cut themselves)? Or are you actually secretly an emo who cuts yourself? Is that the only reason you date Kate, because of her pain giving gift?
Garrett: *puts knife quickly behind back* I do NOT like pain! And besides, Kate is not only awesomely talented, but HOT!
Krissy: For Eleazer: Did you really just use Carmen as an excuse to leave the Volturi because all the members have problems?
Eleazar: No! I love Carmen, although all the members do have problems- Especially the ancients! I mean, wouldn't you be upset if you'd been constipated since Jesus was around?
Krissy: Did you find the Denali clan strange when you first came in and do you still think they're strange?
Eleazar: All women are strange. It's a fact of life. You kind of get used t it after a while though, and just learn to go with the flow. And it's SO fun when the paint my nails!!! *shows sparkly hot pink toenails*
Krissy: For Carmen: Does anyone ever call you Caramel as a nick-name?
Carmen: No, not really. I think the last time someone called me that was… 237 years 12 days 10 minutes and 32 seconds ago. Give or take a few seconds.
Krissy: Does anyone call you Car-man just to make fun of her? Or does anyone call you Carry?
Car-man: If they tried, they wouldn't live long.
Tanya: Sorry Car-man? Didn't quite catch that?
Carmen: *glowers*
Destiny Kalince: Tanya-were you upset Edward didn't return your advances towards him?
Tanya: He returned them! I just wasn't interested.
Obsessedwithedward: In your dreams! As if anyone would EVER turn down Edward!
CullenBlackForever: I would!
Obsessedwithedward: Yeah, but you have mental issues!
CullenBlackForever: You know, I would come over there and slap you silly, but you're kind of right… hmm… maybe I should look into counselling… with Seth and Jacob! YAY! Anyway, Tanya, will you ever find someone to settle down with? *cough*stupid succubus*cough* I mean really what are you like 200 years old?
Tanya: Excuse me! Just because you're a weak little infant DON'T take it out on me! I have an imaginary husband, and that's all I need!
CullenBlackForever: What's his name?
Tanya: Its Ed- um… Bedward, Ok?
Jasper Whitlock Luver: Hey Tanya, why'd you let Edward go? You should have kept him; no one would have cared if you did!
-Team Edward fans and Bella give Jasper Whitlock Luver the evil eye-
Jasper Whitlock Luver: I mean... Go Edward...? Kate, so are you and Garrett REALLY a couple? If so CONGRATS! And good
catch!
Kate: Hey thanks! That's really nice of you, and yes, we are a couple now! *turns to Garrett* honey, feet off the table, tuck your shirt in! Gosh, do I have to do EVERYTHING around here?
Jasper Whitlock Luver: Eleazar, you ROCK! No seriously dude YOU ARE AWESOME! Do you know if I'll have any powers if I ever get turned into a vampire... hopefully by Jasper *goes off into my own little world*
Eleazar: I'm not sure, a defensive power maybe? I can't tell…
Lolgirl607: Tanya, do you still have feelings for Edward even though he's married and all that?
Tanya: Come on, who here hasn't got feelings for him?
Everyone: *shifty eyes*
Jacob: -rips of audience fan girl disguise- Ok! You caught me, I love-
Heart Of Diamonds: Dude, she didn't mean you!
Jacob: Oh right.
Team Jacob: JACOB! –Jake promptly exits-
Soapy-Liedown: For Tanya, Have you given up on getting Edward yet?
Tanya: NO! My motto is never give up! Even though he's married, I've got the divorce papers all ready to sign… I just have to trick him into it…
Sammy1224: For the Denali's: Have you ever thought of kidnapping Edward??
Irina: Who hasn't? It's always been a possibility…
Edward Fans: AMEN TO THAT!
Jacob Fans: Why does no one ever ask anything about Jacob? We could TOTALLY say amen!
Kahleigh: Tanya, did you do any "things" at the nudist colony with Edward?
Tanya: Mmmmm… Gosh, Edwards's CUTE nude! You wouldn't believe the "things" we did there! Like that time I surprised him in the shower, or on the bed, in the forest, at the kitchen table… well, you get the picture!
Jasper Hale: As a representative of Edward, as he refuse to come out at a present time, nothing happened with Tanya, except a lot of awkward silences.
Anaa-pixie: JASPER! Ohmygosh, Ohmygosh, Ohmygosh! *kisses cheek* Oh, and tell Rosalie I hate her!
Jasper'sSoulMate: HEY! That my-
Jasper Whitlock Luver: NO! I think you've overstepped you mark on MY Jasper! PAYBACK!
Scarves: Your Jasper? Excuse me!
MrsCullen28: You're excused. And he's mine! Live with it!
MrsJasperWhitlockIsMine: Heh HEM! Look at my username!
FWWBH: Girls no fighting or I'll ban Jasper from the show. Gosh, he's really popular…
Team Jasper: *humphs*
-Jasper sprints out back door-
Brokennecksandbrokenhearts: Tanya how many times did Edward turn you down?
Tanya: Two thousand seven hundred and- oh… j-j-jokes? Never, he didn't turn me down; it NEVER happened I NEVER ASKED HIM ANYTHING! Ok, OK??????
-Tanya goes into foetal position (curls up in a ball) in the corner of the room and starts sobbing-
FWWBH: Maybe no more Edward questions for Tanya, I think she's having an insecure mental breakdown…
Feuledbyfiction: Why did you guys copy Carlisle?
Kate: Because Carlisle's awesome! Duh!
Feuledbyfiction: That makes sense!
Hymnophile: Um...question for the Denali girls. How many total "partners" do you think you have had over the years?
Carmen: Well, that's not something we'd like to disclose-
Irina: How would you define partners-?
Tanya: Several Hundred thousand-
Carmen:-I want a lawyer-
Irina: -Like if we seduced them or-
Tanya: -Maybe in the millions?
Kate: Shush!
The Young Authoress: Kate so how is the love life?
Kate: It's good, Garrett and I are still going strong.
The Young Authoress: Tanya would you go shopping with me?
Tanya: SURE! I would like LOVE to get you this AWESOME mini-skirt that I saw the other day, it would go GREAT on you!
The Young Authoress: Eleazer do I have potential talent? Please say yes!
Eleazar: Yes. Although I'm not quite sure what at, maybe something… shield like?
The Young Authoress: Carmen, Will you teach me to speak Spanish so I can go to Mexico and learn how to cook their wonderful food or you can change me in to a vampire and that solves the second problem?
Carmen: Chicka, get a cookbook and some Spanish learning tapes! Although I can cook for you if you want.
Vampire Note: Please, can I just shoot Tanya? Or burn her which would work better...
Audience: *Cheers*
Vampire Note: How old is Eleazar...
Eleazar: Very Old. I do not keep track of the years!
Vampire Note: And why does Tanya flirt with everyone? *mutters* succubus!
Tanya: I do not! I only flirt with the cute ones!
-mAcKiE-mOo-: Carmen you are so nice! What made you listen to Nessie when you first met her?
Carmen: Her face was so innocent, and she looked so much like Edward and Bella! And besides, who could believe such a beautiful child to be a monster?
Ping
FWWBH: And that's time! Good job guys, those were really great answers. But you have one question left; who would you turn gay for?
*mumbling and leaning*
FWWBH: Thanks! That's all we have time for today, but next week is Charlie, Renee, Phil, Sue and Billy! Be sure to give me some good questions! Oh, and There is a preview of the Nudist colony story on my profile, so you can go check it out, and while you're there, tell me if you want the rest of it or not by voting in my poll or sending me a PM!
Wow. That was a… mixed chapter. I think it was a little less funny than usual, and I apologise for that. I went to a party today at a chocolate factory, and so I'm sort of high, but at the same time, I got NO sleep last night and I have all this homework to do, so I'm also on a bit of a low. This one was a bit pushed for time. Sorry if it's not up to standards. Edward's chapter is going well, I'll tell you when it's up.
The reason that Garrett didn't answer any questions was because his interview is going to be in with the other Vampire Covens/Nomads, he just needed to be there because he's with Kate.
Love (Especially to awesome people who review),
FWWBH (FuzzyWuzzyWithBadHaircut)