Konnichiwa, Minna-san!

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DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING BUT THE FANCONCEPT OF MY FANFICTIONS.

-x-X-x-

Dying Changes Everything

You can forgive a child for fearing the dark. The real tragedy is when a man fears the light.

-x-X-x-

It's been nearly two months now since Higurashi had been in Soul Society under the care of the 10th Division; in other words, my care. I found out that she could also be quite sarcastic and have quite an attitude. Quite amusing, actually. She'd be polite to everyone and then talk about how annoyed she was with them to me. I didn't expect that, considering that she was more quiet than anything else when she first arrived.

The two of us have become closer now; we would constantly mock and tease each other for fun. She was a very easy person to open up to, as I could show a humourous side when she was near, and she always knew when to drop the jokes when we're in a meeting, or in presents of others who I didn't particularly like. She soon was able to deduct that I had to work twice as hard as everyone else to gain respect as a captain because of my appearance. She could tell how I was feeling by just looking me into the eye, because she had a talent for reading people. And she was incredibly entertaining to converse with. Not meaning that she didn't have an obnoxious side - she could be quite shameless and cheeky, much to my chagrin.

But he could make me laugh because of her humour, something not many could achieve. The first time I laughed was when she was giving mental nicknames for all the captains the first day she was there. When I laughed, it was...a sensation I wasn't used to. I couldn't remember the last time I did it. I had no friends when I was a young child because of my appearance and attitude, except for Hinamori. The most I could offer was an amused or annoyed smirk and grin, but never a genuine laugh because I was amused. I never forced my smiles for anyone, but I didn't need to with her.

Now that I thought about it, Higurashi didn't address me with 'taichou' anymore when we're alone, just 'Hitsugaya'. I've grown so used to her being around I just gave up correcting her, but what I found strange was that I didn't mind her doing that, unlike with Matsumoto and Hinamori. I would never admit it, but I was grateful for her presence, and some part of me couldn't help but hope that she knew that.

Even though I had told her about my childhood, she never said a word about her own, I noticed. All she did was make me happy and she would never even spare a thought for herself.

''It must've been hard on you at that time...But it's okay now! You're not alone anymore. You have experiences and memories to hold onto, and friends to support you. I also want to become one of those friends!''

Many words she said I have burned into my memory. But it sadden me, that surely, she didn't have any such regard of my words, as I have never been able to say any comfort to her because she never opened herself to me.

--

I was sitting on my desk, doing my paperwork, again. Matsumoto left me with all the work, again. And I'm the forsaken one, again.

Higurashi was sitting on the couch. It was the order for me to take care of her, so she was more or less always with me. I didn't mind, in fact, it was quite the opposite. She was reading a book on 'kido'. She had a keen interest on reiryoku and reiatsu, so she would always read books on those subjects. She was flipping a page every few seconds because of her photographic memory, but seeing her reading so fast was honestly quite unnerving.

Yamamoto had been contacting all the other Commanders from the other dimensions- The Soul Society was originally founded in England, hence it's English term. The Seireitei is the Japanese branch of the Soul Society, each country has it's own. You only come here if you were born in Japan. And if you were born in England, you go to the Court of Pure Souls.

Each Soul Society resides in a separate dimension and specializes in different powers. In Japan it's the Zanpakto, in China it's elemental control, in America it's Sorcery and so forth. Even the order was different: other ranking systems and different parting of divisions.

Philosopher's Stones were English Death Gods, 'Soul Reapers'. Higurashi should have either been sent to the England, or she should've come here without those inherritence. Though she said that she was definitely born on Japanese soil, it still didn't answer anything.

The Soul Reaper's definition of strength was quite different from ours; here, any soul can become a Shinigami. But in the English branch, only Philosopher's Stones could become Soul Reapers, because they were the only ones who had 'power'. That was the reason why the members of the Court of Pure Souls were considered so prestigue.

I could imagine that Yamamoto first contacted the English Soul Society before asking the other branches if they have ever had any experience with such an odd phenomenon. And I think he has found the person and was discussing this with him or her. Because recently, Yamamoto seemed a lot more relieved than he did a few days ago - comparable to a relief from work. But if he hasn't told us captains anything yet, so it was most likely an unstable situation.

I sighed heavily and didn't notice that Higurashi looked up at me.

''Hitsugaya,'' she said, jerking me from my thoughts. ''You've been starring at words for five hours straight now. You'll go blind if you keep that up.'' Though she was actually mocking me, I could hear the concern in her voice. She put down her book, turning to me before kneeling on the couch. Folding her arms on the sofa's stand, she rested her chin on it, her dark violet eyes gazing at me. I quirked a white brow as I faced her.

''Same goes for you.'' Smirking, I gestured to the book with my pen.

''True, but I'm not a Taichou who needs to keep my eye-sight while fighting against blood-lusting monsters.'' After that, she eyed the book she was reading, wrinkling her nose. ''And you would be out of your flaming mind if you think I would be reading something as mind-numbing as that.'' My smirk widened in amusement at her words.

''Mastumoto left to 'research a hot tip', and left me with this mountain of doom,'' I said, and she chuckled softly in response. I frowned after suppressing a faint blush as I went through the paperwork. I often found that my cheeks became warm every time she laughed. It annoyed me and I didn't like the warmth on my face, but that wasn't the reason why I was frowning - it was because I had only finished about a third of the paperwork.

Higurashi stood up, before walking over to me. ''Ano ne,'' she started, I looked up to show her that I heard her.

''How about I help you with that? I'm up to speed with all the news of the 10th Division and Soul Society- two months is long enough to have an idea what's the order around here, isn't it?'' I widen my eyes in surprise at her, and she continued as she crossed her arms, her expression unreadable. ''I have a photo-graphic memory, so I should be able to scan through the content and write down briefly what they're actually wanting you to do or confirm.'' She stood on the right side on the table and me, her head tilted on one side.

I was quite shocked, my mouth opening and closing, resembling a fish. Every time I had something to say, I would always shut my mouth against the idea of saying whatever I thought of.

''Well?'' she asked with a hopeful smile. I noticed what I was doing before I coughed to regain my composure and protect whatever damaged pride I had left. With closed eyes, I tried to look as dignified as I could when I turned to face the paperwork on the desk.

''If you want to, fine...'' She smiled before pulling Matsumoto's chair over - the desk chair that she barely ever used.

I was strangely happy that she wanted to help me.

She took a document before looking through it quickly. Slowly her fine, dark brows raised.

''What's this, a riddle-fare?'' she asked herself, then turned to me with an incredious expression. ''You read through things like these everyday?'' she asked, somewhat bewildered.

''Hn.'' I nodded, smirking slightly at her expression when she turned to face the paper, mumbling something about 'stupid riddles' and, 'stupid people who couldn't express themselves in a normal manner'.

''If it's too hard for you, tell me before your brain overloads,'' I said, teasing.

''No way in hell am I going to get beaten down by paper...even if does have very complicated stuff written on it...'' After gulping slightly, she focused on a paragraph. I mentally gave a fond scoff at her stubborness.

''I'm serious. You don't have to help me if you don't want to,'' I said, which made her turn to look at me again.

''You need this done, right? So I'll help you.'' As if it were obvious, she turned her head back to face to the dreaded, inked contents. ''I'm doing this for you because I want to,'' she mumbled to herself, not really paying attention to what she was saying. Nor did she see the surprised expression on my face.

We spent another four hours working; she would quickly look through the document and mark the areas which should interest me before giving it for me to solve. When I laid the last page on the pile of paper Higurashi flung herself against the chair, hanging the back of her neck over the chair head.

''Aaack,'' she groaned, ''We're done...!''

''...And I'm not sure how we did that,'' I said, still not believing that we did two thirds of the work, which would mathematically need ten hours in four. That was less than the half. I turned to her to see that she was still stretching luxiously in the chair. ''Crap, I can't feel my legs anymore.'' She scoffed after she said that. ''I still can't believe that you've been doing this every single dang day for centuries!''

''Thanks for the help'' I said sincerely, and she smiled at me.

''Anytime, Toshiro--I mean, Hitsugaya-taichou.'' She started waving me off animatedly, her face creased with comedical panic, her composure shattered. She has seen me getting angry when anyone called me by my given name, and just looking at her face, it was obvious that she didn't want to come face to face with my fits. I looked away as I stood up, sensing the nervous smile on her face.

''Hitsugaya-taichou...'' Her widen her eyes as she unconsciously moved back after I said that. ''...Ja ne,'' I said, she then had a dumbfounded expression as I looked at her over my shoulder. ''Toshiro da.'' I saw her amethyst eyes growing wide, her mouth agape, and I could have sworn that I saw her pale cheeks tainted in scarlet. Turning my head to look ahead, I too embarrassed to look her in the eye. (It's not Hitsugaya-taichou, it's Toshiro)

''Come on, Miyuki, we'll get something to eat.'' I tried to force that out as casually as I could before sliding the door open. She chuckled as she stood up, pacing to catch up to me. I gestured for her to go out first, which she did, and I shut the door behind us. I started walking down the hall with Miyuki alongside me, staring up at me with her dark eyes. I avoided them.

''Why are you avoiding my gaze, Toshiro?'' she asked, and I could hear the tease in the edge of her voice.

''I-I'm not avoiding your gaze.'' I still wasn't looking at her.

''Masaka (no way)...You're embarrassed?'' Her grin was so obvious that I could feel it boring the side of my head.

''Of course I'm not, baka!'' I replied, thanking whichever parent it was of mine who gave me tanned skin to mask my blush. I widened my eyes when I felt Miyuki holding my left arm with her right. I turned to her, completely flustered and bewildered.

''Wh-What are you doing, Miyuki?! Hanase! (let go)'' I demanded, embarrassed to no end; the only reply I received was her laughter, which only made me blush deeper, much to my annoyance and chagrin.

''Toshiro! I didn't know that you had a shy-side!'' she said, smiling happily, ''Kawaii!'' At this point my face was practically on fire. I wasn't used to women flirting with me like this.

''K-K-K-Kawaii? First you call me a Chibi, now I'm 'kawaii'???'' I asked, trying to muster a ridiculed voice.

''So desu te!'' she confirmed, using the dramatic form for the phrase, still teasing. She snuggled her face into my arm, and I was about to retort. The words instantly died in my throat when I looked at her. She was smiling, her eyes closed to support the smile as she blushed. Her bangs, which were parted at the side, bounced slightly at each step she took. But she soon released me before pacing up ahead of me, still trying to get used to her black kimono.

She looked over her shoulder at me ''Come on, Toshiro! You need your nutritions if you want to grow taller than an elementary student!'' With that, she single handedly made me trade my blush for a distinct pulsing in my head.

''WHAT WAS THAT?!'' I asked as I ran after her, so she picked up her speed. ''GET BACK HERE, MIYUKI--!''

I damn this girl for changing me so much within a few weeks. I would only over-react like this if she was the one who mocked me.

''YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I'LL DO!'' she replied sarcastically. She then made a turn to the right hall, looking back to see if I was there. But I had used shunpo to dash past her, halting ahead of her. Still looking back, she didn't notice this and kept running until she ran into me. Being a lot stronger than her, I was barely effected while she nearly fell down. But before it got that far I grabbed her by the waist to stand her back up. I gave her my annoyed glare.

''You're shorter than me, baka,'' I said, to which she arched a brow at.

''But I'm not in denial, unlike you.'' A smirk crossed her lips.

''I'm not in denail.''

''Yes, you are.''

''No, I'm not.''

''Yes, you are.''

''No, I'm not.''

''Are so.''

''Am not.''

''Are so.''

''Am not.''

We blinked at each other, silent for a moment when we realized how childish our argument was.

''Well, aren't we having an intelligent conversation?'' she asked sarcastically, and I only smirked at her.

''Oh my God, Taichou! You're hitting on Miyuki-chan again!'' Both Miyuki and I looked up with big eyes to see my lieutenant down the other side of the hall, pointing at my arm which was resting on Miyuki's back. I forgot to let her go in our argument. My bottled up frustration towards her because of the paperwork was released by that comment and grin of hers.

''MATSUMOTO!''

--

''You wanted to talk to me, Unohana-taichou?'' Miyuki asked as she sat down on the tatami floor in front of the medic taichou. I bowed my head slightly as a greeting and she returned the gesture. Unahona then turned to Miyuki after I sat down next to the black-haired girl.

''Yes, there's something I wanted to asked you,'' she said, ''As you know, after you die and come to Soul Society, you're supposed to lose all your memories and start anew.'' She poured us a cup of tea each on the table as she spoke. Miyuki nodded. ''But that's not the case with you, which means there's a possibility that it could also be the same with your phisical state. The organic problem which originally killed you is now non-existent, but it would interest me if you have any other wounds or scars which you've received from the time you were alive and haven't disappeared.'' Miyuki's eyes widened at Unohana's words, but she forced down expression as smiled. I frowned. It was a fake smile.

''Sumi masen,'' she said, her smile growing apologetic. ''I'm afraid that I don't.'' I eyed her, not at all convinced by her words.

''Are you sure, Miyuki?'' Suspicion was obvious in my voice as I narrowed my eyes at her.

''Yes...'' She looked away when she answered that. I could feel anger and frustration rising in me. I told her my sadness and sorrows, why couldn't she trust me with hers?!

''I don't believe you,'' I said in a harsh tone, yet she still didn't look at me.

''I'm sorry if you're unhappy with the answer, but it's the truth.''

''Why is it that you won't tell me anything about you?! The day you awoke and got intimidated by Kurotsuchi, you panicked and had a nervous breakdown! Yet you just put a smile on your face and and tell everyone you're okay when obviously you're not!'' I yelled, Unahona covered her mouth is surprise by my reaction, but I didn't care. ''Tell me, dammit! You said for me to trust you, then you should also trust me!'' I could feel anger building up as I saw that Miyuki still didn't show any signs of intending to tell me anything.

''There's nothing-'' I cut her off.

''YOU'RE LYING!'' I yelled, cutting off her feeble voice as I bashed my fist against the table, upsetting the teacups, and causing the hot tea water to splash on her gloved hands. She winced in great pain - I instantly regretted what I did, but it was then when I realized that she was wincing allot louder than a normal person should. And then the fact that she always wore gloves, always. Whether she was sleeping or reading, she had her gloves on at all times and under any circumstance. I could see the pained expression on her face and tears forming in the corner of her eyes before she looked down at the floor.

''I'm sorry for upsetting you, Hitsugaya-taichou, please excuse me,'' she said with shaking voice before standing up and running out of the room.

''Miyuki!'' I called, but she shut the door behind her and I saw her silhouette running away from the paper-framed door.

--

I opened the door to Miyuki's room and saw her sitting in an an empty corner, furthest away from the door. It was dim, but I could still clearly see Miyuki's shaking form, holding her hands to her chest, pulling her legs close to her, whimpering and sobbing. I quietly walked over to her. She looked up at me, shocked. She didn't seem to notice me until I was hovering over her, she tried to move away, but I held on her shoulders to keep her in place. She stared up at me with tears in her eyes, then looked away. I was kneeling in front of her, and released her shoulders to pull her hands out of her chest. The back of my hands brushed her breasts slightly, but neither of us were in the mood to really care about that. I took her right hand, and started to gently pull the black glove off. She shot her eyes up at me, opening her mouth, as if to protest.

''Please,'' I said before she could. After swallowing, she closed her mouth, as if she had decided to stay silent, a frown creasing her brows as she watched me sliding the fabric off her pale skin. I widened my eyes in horror at what I saw. She had her fingernails ripped off, all five. The pink, tender flesh that should have been shielded by nails where almost visibly throbbing, and I knew that it was from the hot tea.

''Ma...saka...'' I muttered as I took her other glove off too, and saw that it was in the same condition. I raised my eyes up from her hands to look at her; she was trembling, biting her lip to stop herself from sobbing. I knew that what she went through must've been terrible, considering what Kurotsuchi said, but I had no idea that it went to this extent. I knew that having the fingernails ripped out was as painful as having a leg cut off, because the nerves are a lot more sensitive there. But her nails weren't ripped out, I had just noticed to my horror...that they were completely torn out - the base was gone. It was obvious to see from the tips of her fingers. This meant that her nails would never grow back. Just how painful must've that been...?

''Miyuki...'' My voice trailed off. She then crashed into my arms and clenched the fabric on my chest like she did two months ago - the day she woke up. She cried again, sobbing, clutching on to me. I didn't know what to so in a situation like this because I was so shocked to do anything. After a few seconds of hearing her sobs and whimpers I slowly and hesitantly wrapped my arms around her.

After a while, she calmed down, her breaths started to lose it's hasty gasping.

''Toshiro...?'' I jumped a bit at her voice, not knowing what to do now.

''Y-Yeah?'' I asked, loosening my arms around her to let her go, but she wrapped her arms around my waist, telling me that she wanted me to keep my arms around her. I blushed slightly as I did so.

''Can I...tell you about myself...?'' she asked, unsure. ''Is it...really okay for me to tell?''

''I want to know, Miyuki,'' I said, and leaned my chin on her shoulder, ''I really want to know.''

I could hear her taking a deep breath.

''When I was five, I was kidnapped by a group of scientist who called themselves the 'Wahrheit'.

They claimed for me to be the Stein des Weisen, the Kenja no Ishi and tested my 'physical and mental stability','' she started, ''But what they actually meant was 'torture'.''

''Physical durabiliy came as how I reacted to strains on my body. They stabbed me with red hot iron to see how I withstood heat, beat me to see how I withstood pain, cutted me to see how long I could stay contious with losing blood They tested how long I could go without food and without water. They threw me into ice to see how long it took before I would freeze to death. They burned me with acid and poisened me with toxins. They ripped my fingernails off to test if i could regrow body parts and the bastards didn't even bother to knock me out whilest they did it...finally they opened my stomach to play around with my organs. Those sadists even put me on a drug which kept me painfully awake during the whole thing.'' she told, she was shaking slightly. I was shocked, my eyes wide, but pushed down my thoughts to listen to her intently.

''Mental stability was to see if I could become mentally unstable...'' she said, ''Making children insane, resulting them trying to kill each other, me being forced to end it...

But because I never became insane, they wanted to push it further...'' she started and she clenched the fabric on my chest tighter.

''...7 hours, 46 minutes and 23 seconds.''

I frowned my brows in confusion at that.

''That was how long it took them to slowly torture my parents to death while I was watching,'' she said, my eyes widen in horror. I heard her scoffing in irony.

''Damn my photographic memory...'' she cursed, ''And as if that wasn't enough...I was thrown into the room with their rotting corpses and locked in, watching them decay for three days.''

Oh my God...

''I endured all those for five years...five goddamn years...!!!'' she said shakily ''Damn my memory, damn my inability to become psychotic! If I could then...a-at least I wouldn't have been so aware of...everything!''

''Miyuki...'' My voice trailed again as I held her tighter, not knowing what else to say. I inwardly cursed myself. Because I was selfish and only wanted to know more about her, I completely disregarded to think about her feelings. Instead, I kept pushing her.

''I know that it was hard, but I'm glad that you told me this,'' I said, comforting her. ''And...I'm sorry...'' I could only hear her muffled sobs.

''Don't worry, you're safe now.'' I swallowed a lump in my throat. ''Nothing like that will ever happen to you again, I promise.

I will protect you.''

''Toshiro...'' she whispered my name before I heard her breathing evening out. She had fallen asleep. That didn't surprise me; the pain from her hands and crying so much must've been tiring for her...as well at the stress from telling me what happened when she was a child. I carried her to the office to lay her on the couch; I still needed to bandage her hands for the burn and I needed light to see what I was doing. I went over to a shelf to ake some bandages out. When I did, I walked back to her and kneeled down so that her hands were more accessible. I bandaged her hands with utmost care, savoring each sensation I felt when I brushed her abnormally pale skin with my fingers.

I looked at my own tanned hand over her nearly white one. The difference was so striking yet...the colours blended nicely together.

I looked at her sleeping face after I was finished. She looked so exhausted, but also relieved. Her cheeks were puffy and her eyes were red, her bangs sticking onto her face because of her tears. I used my hand to wipe them from her face.

I stood up and noticed the book Miyuki was reading yesterday on kido was lying on the table. I picked up the book, having the intention on putting back on the shelf, but raised my eyebrows when I saw that there was a sketch-book under it. It was Miyuki's, I remembered her telling me that she enjoyed drawing and she pestered me non-stop to buy it. I opened book, curious on what she's drawn. I widened my eyes at the pages. They were very real-life portraits. But what surprised me by far the most was that they were all sketches of me.

When I was looking into the distance.

When I frowned.

When I looked annoyed.

When I smirked.

When I looked pissed off.

When I looked like I would rip someone's head off.

When I looked puzzled.

When I looked surprised or shocked.

She also had a drawing of me smiling and laughing - I realized that she gave the most effort into this one.

I looked at Miyuki in shock, who was slumbering peacefully. She was sketching me?

After I put Miyuki into her bed, I went to my room, her sketch-pad in my hand. I changed into a lighter kosode and laid the pad in my draw, under my black garments. For some reason I had the strong desire to keep it. Besides, I can buy her a new pad tomorrow.

I felt blood coming up to my cheeks again.

I guess it wasn't so bad to have a warm face after all.

--

''AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!''

I snapped my eyes open and rushed out to the office, where I heard Miyuki's scream coming from. It was early in the morning, and Matsumoto slumped out of her door to see what was going on. My expression was perplexed as I looked at the scene: Miyuki was fanatically looking around the whole office, as if she was searching for something.

''Where is it? Where is it?! WHERE IS IT?!'' she chanted as she kept on her routine, a look of panic on her face. ''I KNOW that I put here SOMEWHERE!''

''Miyuki?'' I asked, she perked her head up, then rushed up before halting in front of me.

''Do you know where my stetch-book is???'' She asked, making me arch my brow at her; she seemed pretty energetic despite what happened last night. I smirked inwardly; may as well have some fun out of this.

''No,'' I answered, ''Do you want me to help you find it?'' She widened her eyes at me before shaking her head violently and animatedly.

''Nonononononononononono! I'll look for it! Don't you make a move to look for it! If you see it, don't you dare open it!'' I raised my eyebrows over my half-open, tired eyes at her over-reacted demand.

''Why? Did you draw some nasty pictures with me nude?'' I asked, smirking as I crossed my arms. Her mouth was agape, her eyes were wide, and her face as red as a tomato.

''N-NO!!!'' Her voice was stuttering in embarrassment, but she then widened her eyes, seemingly in realization. ''WHERE DID YOU PUT MY SKETCH-BOOK?!'' she asked, red with both embarrassment and anger as she glared at me.

''What ever are you talking about?'' I asked in painfully obvious ignorance.

''YOU know EXACTLY what I'm talking about! You looked at my sketches!'' She accused frustratedly. I arched a brow at her, still smirking.

''So I was right that you were drawing pictures of me nude?'' I teased, winding her up always made my day - seeing her angry was an entertainment maybe worth doing a few hours of extra paper work for.

''ARHG! QUIT IT!!! You know what I mean! Just give it back!!!'' She demanded, still red as cherry.

''Sorry, but I'm innocent,'' I said in the most unconvincing voice I could muster, smirking all the while.

''HITSUGAYA TOSHIROOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!''

The greatest relief for me that day was that Matsumoto fell asleep on the floor before I had started.

--

''Review this story please!'' Miyuki said, ''Me love you long time~!''

''The author is using us to tell you to review, so you better review,'' Hitsugaya threatened.

-Owari-

A/N: And there we have it. XD I know this chapter was a bit too iffy and too fuffy, but it won't happen again...

Certain scenes where inspired by The Riddles of Water by Arelissa.

I know that I didn't edit much, but what the hell!!!

~Hate it? Love it? Something in between? Can't decide?
Review, review, REVIEW!!!

.Jibun no Omoi
One's Memories.