DESIDERATA
Things I own: An enormous Rob Pr0n collection on my hard drive that seems to grow exponentially by the day. I blame AngryBadgerGirl and NaughtySparkle for leading me astray.
Things I don't own: Anything Twilight, it all belongs to Ms. Meyer.
CHAPTER TEN: Casting Spells
"A friend hears the song in my heart and sings it back to me when my memory fails."
- Anonymous
"I raised you to be a gentleman, Edward Anthony Cullen, and you disappoint me. That was very badly done, buster. Very badly done!"
She turns her back on her son and puts her hand in the middle of my back. I can feel the tears starting to fall, and I just let it happen. I don't care who sees it anymore.
BPOV
Esme escorts me to their chauffeured town car and gets me settled inside before she says anything. She grabs a tissue from her purse and hands it to me. For some reason, the minute I see the Kleenex, I start to sob; it must be a Pavlovian response. Again, I'm being comforted by this wonderful woman whom I've known for less than 24 hours. There is something about her that is positively genuine and reassuring, so I allow myself to fall apart in front of her. Typically, that is Alice's role in my life; I'm shocked that Esme doesn't mind comforting someone she barely knows. The fact that it is her own asshole son who has caused me to fall apart may have something to do with it.
I realize the car isn't moving and do my best to calm down and try to choke out a sentence. Before I can do that, Esme simply says to me, "Bella, can you give the driver your address so I can see you home safely? It is the least I can do for you."
In between sobs, I manage to get out my address, and we pull away from the bar. I lean my head on Esme's shoulder and continue to cry myself out. Before I realize it, the car has arrived in my driveway. It is still hard for me to verbalize anything, but Esme takes care of that for me. "Bella, I'm very sorry about what happened. I won't speak on my son's behalf, but I'm sorry nonetheless. Will you be all right to get in by yourself?"
"I'll be fine, Esme. Thank you so much…I'm sorry I cried on you," I sniff.
"You should know by now that a mother's shoulder is structurally engineered to soak up tears and heartache, even if they are from someone else's child."
Fuck, just when I thought I was getting this under control enough to scramble in the house with at least a shred of dignity left…I start to cry again.
"Oh no, I just put my foot into something, didn't I?"
I'm doing the sobbing-hiccupping routine all over again, but I try to gasp out a reply. "E-hes-me, I d-d-don't h-have a m-mom. Sh-sh-she left me."
"Oh, Bella. I'm so sorry about everything. I can't believe I just made things so much worse when I was trying so hard to make it better! Please trust me on that!" Her voice is so soft and soothing, even in her anguish.
"I-i-it's okay. I j-just need t-t-to go t-t-to bed. G-goodnight. Thank you." I open the car door and make my way through the front door. I turn towards the car and give her a quick wave to let her know I'm okay.
I'm too tired to even get ready for bed. The only thing I have enough energy to do is grabbing my clothes for tomorrow and set them out. I look at the alarm to make sure it is set, slump into bed, and fall fast asleep.
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The alarm breaks through my cloud of sleep. Shit, I just want to go back to sleep. Duty calls, so I roll out of bed and quickly dress myself. Thank god I set my clothes out before I went to bed.
In no time at all, I'm out the door and on my way to the café. I'm so tired this morning; my movements are more a matter of muscle memory than of conscious effort. It's definitely a contemplative type of day, following the asshattery I experienced at the bar last night, so I select my Radiohead playlist, pop in my ear buds, and let Thom Yorke work through the angst on my behalf. I don't have the momentum yet to do it for myself. Maybe once I've had a pot or two of coffee I'll be ready for that.
Even though it is ridiculously early, dark outside, and I'm feeling a bit morose, I'm especially grateful this morning to have some time to myself before the rest of the world awakes. There is something to be said for being awake when everyone else is asleep. I almost feel like I'm the only person in the world who is in on a huge secret—I'm busy participating in life while everyone else sleeps theirs away. To be honest, it makes me feel a bit smug.
As upset as I was last night, I went through some kind of a transformation while I slept, and I no longer feel the acute sting of the Asshat's comments. Something happened to my sleeping brain that has given me a sense of clarity. In the end, I realize, Edward the Asstard Cullen's fine opinion of me doesn't matter. The way he feels about me, his comments about my desirability or appeal, none of it makes any difference. My worth as an individual didn't just change simply because of what he said. He cannot possibly say or do anything that has an impact on who I am as an individual, the things that are important to me, or the things I am able to accomplish. In short, he has no power over me; I refuse to give him that much importance in my life. Once the filming is over and Masen has left Forks, my life will be exactly what is always has been. Nothing will have changed, so it simply isn't worth the effort of wasting my breath to be upset about it.
Frankly, if I'm completely honest with myself, I feel a little sorry for Edward Cullen. He is clearly an intelligent (if somewhat socially retarded) individual. He is an outstanding director, and he has an interesting career and life. The world could be his oyster if he so chooses. Admittedly, he is beautiful. An ass, absolutely, but a beautiful ass. For all his gifts and abilities, however, I pity him. Really, what kind of a person goes around acting like he did last night? I mean, who am I, in the grand scheme of things, that he would even need to waste the effort of his breath to diss me like that in front of our friends? I'm just a baker from Forks, Washington. In fact, it is almost amusing that he would let himself get his feathers ruffled by someone like me.
I make a resolution at that very moment—Edward Cullen will never get the best of me again. He will not make me feel like a person unworthy of love or attention. I recall something I read about Eleanor Roosevelt, a kind of mantra of sorts she developed for herself to help her through some of her darker moments. She said, "No one can make you feel bad about yourself without your permission." Rock on, Eleanor, you're absolutely right, as usual. And you know what, Edward Cullen? You do not have my permission to make me feel bad about myself. So there, Fucktard.
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EPOV
A shrill phone ringing jars me awake. I sit upright, and for a moment I have no idea where I am. Then I see the double bed next to the one I'm in, and realize I'm in a hotel room. Immediately following that realization, I have three swift thoughts:
- I think my head is going to fucking explode;
- I have to manage to be lucid enough today to do Jacob Black's screen test;
- Esme left the bar with Bella last night, and she is going to be pissed as hell when I see her this morning.
The phone rings again, and I pick it up. My voice croaks out a pathetic "Hello?"
"You have 45 minutes to get ready and meet me in the lobby. We are going to grab some coffee, and will head straight for the Quileute reservation after that. You need to make sure Jasper is ready to go, so he can be there to read for the screen test."
"Good morning to you too, mom."
"If I were you, I wouldn't make any assumptions about what kind of morning it is, Mister. I'll see you in 45 minutes." She hangs up without another word.
What the hell just happened? I think to myself. What happened to make Esme turn into the White Witch? Then I remembered—Bella. Bella had overheard my stupid asshole comments to Jasper. I had been trying to convey a sense of disinterest in Bella, mainly in a feeble attempt to convince myself that she didn't mean anything to me. Almost like I was trying to talk myself out of being attracted to her, when everything in my body, particularly its reactions to her, was screaming the exact opposite. I know that it is imprudent for me to get to know her, that a relationship between us is utterly inconceivable, so I was trying to convince both her and myself that it could never work. I wanted her to think that I was the biggest douche in the universe. Instead, I made her feel shitty about herself and put my own mother on the offensive against me. Fuck, I'm in deep shit now. Esme's on the war path.
I pick up my phone and call Jasper. It rolls over into voicemail. I leave him a message and send him a text. I hang up the iPhone and go over to his room. I pound on the door until he answers. When he opens the door, he has the pissiest look on his face I've ever seen. Jasper has been annoyed with me many, many times over the years, but he has a heart of gold and forgives my faults and sins readily. The look he is giving me at this very moment, however, does not make him appear to be ready to forgive me of anything. I mumble to him that we have about 45 minutes to get ready and meet Esme in the lobby before we head to the café for coffee and off to the reservation for our screen test. He just nods at me and slams the door in my face. Yeah, good morning to you too, buddy.
I go back to my room and step into the shower. I feel too shitty to bother with a shower wank, but I'll probably regret that as the day wears on. I need to find myself some ibuprofen and get a huge caffeine infusion before I can begin to face this day. I dress quickly and find myself in the lobby waiting for Esme. Jasper stumbles in a few minutes later. We both sit there in a near comatose state. Mom walks through the lobby at a brisk pace and doesn't even stop to say good morning. She just nods her head towards me and we all three make our way out to the car. Esme leans over to Jasper, and I hear her tell him we're stopping for coffee before we head to the reservation. That puts a smile on his face as if he just won the lottery.
When we walk into the café, Esme's entire temperament changes. She has a beaming smile on her face, and gives Alice a very cheery "Good morning" greeting. Alice's gaze locks directly onto Jasper's face, and he gives her his most charming, beaming smile. Shit, another 'moment.'
Unexpectedly, Bella walks through the doors from the back room at that moment. She looks tired, but otherwise just fine. I glance at the shirt she is wearing (okay, so I was really just ogling her boobs), and read the wording: Careful, or you'll end up in my novel. I can't imagine she is wearing that message for my benefit, but I have to wonder about it, particularly since she shared her writing aspirations with Esme and me last night. Before I can say anything to her, Esme takes command.
"Good morning, Bella. I hope you slept all right last night. Alice, it is lovely to see you as well."
Bella smiles at my mom. "To be honest, I'm stinking tired, but that's the story of my life. I'm hanging in there, and we're closed every Monday, so I can sleep in tomorrow anyhow. Are you guys off to the airport?"
"Oh, no, we're actually finalizing our agreement with the Quileutes today, and Edward and Jasper are going to do a screen test with the young man we are considering for the lead role in our film."
"Oh really? It's someone from here?"
I can see where this conversation is headed, and I want to nip it in the bud immediately. The last thing we need is to be discussing the casting session with the locals. Bad move.
"We aren't really at liberty to discuss anything until the final casting decisions have been announced," I say tersely.
Everyone walks around me as if I'm not even there. Jasper is in front of Alice, chatting quietly while she makes his coffee. Esme walks over to Bella, changing the subject all together.
"Bella, what would you recommend from the pastry selection this morning? It all looks so good, I can't even decide."
"Umm, in the morning, as much as it is gonna sound cliché, you really should try one of my buns. I'm pretty proud of them, and they're still warm."
The image of Bella's naked buns, posed warmly in front of me, pops into my head. She has every reason in the world to be proud of them, I think to myself. I silently will my cock to behave itself rather than pop up to see what all the fuss is about.
"Why don't you package up three of them for us, please. I can't wait to try them!"
"I'm sure you can get much better in LA, but it's probably the best you'll do around here, anyway. So, I need to ask: Are you meeting with anyone from the Tribal Council this morning?" I grimace and open my mouth to speak, when Bella just puts her finger up in the air to shush me. She goes on to explain, "The only reason I ask is because they are nuts over my buns, and it would be a great gesture of goodwill if you came prepared with a peace offering. It would make them pleasantly surprised, I think. I know the members of the Council pretty well, because my dad's best friend, Billy Black, is one of them."
Esme smiles at Bella, as if she just shared the secrets of the universe with her. "Bella, you have no idea how much I appreciate your insight. I think that will be just the thing we need to sweeten and seal the deal. It was really nice of you to share that with us."
"No problem, Esme, really. It was the least I could do."
"Why don't you package up a dozen of them, then, and we'll take them over."
Esme pays for the order, and she and Jasper start heading out the door. I'm completely confused—no one even asked me for my coffee order.
"Umm, guys, do you think maybe I could get some coffee before you leave me?"
Esme gives me the look. "I think you need to ask for what you want in order for it to be given to you, Edward."
I chuckle humorlessly and turn to Alice, speaking in the smoothest tone I can manage. "Alice, could you please make your quadruple espresso for me?"
"Of course, Mr. Cullen. Coming right up."
As I wait for my order to be ready, I glance over at Bella. She is fussing with the pastry display case, so she isn't directing any attention towards me. I take that moment to watch her. Even though she must be extremely tired, her skin is still pale and beautiful. Her stunning brown hair is up in a ponytail, leaving her long, graceful neck exposed. Today's t-shirt is more fitted, closely hugging the curves underneath. Her rack is magnificent—jutting out as if they want to say, "Good morning, Edward. We just had to come out to say hello." I envision my hands speaking back to them in sign language, giving those tits the most spectacular "hello" in the history of mankind. I imagine what kind of bra she is wearing underneath her t-shirt, and I'm instantly regretting foregoing my morning shower wank. I'm hard as a rock. Bella chooses that exact moment to look up at me, and her face instantly flushes. Jesus, that's all I need. Caught in the act of lewd behavior. Bella just looks at me, confused, shrugs her shoulders, shakes her head, and walks towards the doors to the café's kitchen. Alice hands me my drink, which I end up snatching from her in my haste to get the hell out of there and cut my losses while I still can.
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BPOV
I'm wondering what the fuck just happened out there. I wandered out front to freshen my mug of coffee, and I saw Esme Cullen, Jasper Whitlock, and Edward Cullen standing in front of the register. Jasper was already deeply engaged in conversation with Alice, Esme appeared to be patiently waiting to order her coffee, and Edward looked like an asshole. Clearly, that's not a stretch for him. I'm surprised that I don't feel more upset, or embarrassed, to see him, after his comments last night. Hmm, I guess taking away his permission to make me feel bad about myself actually worked. Cool!
Esme was nice enough to say hello to me, even if her idiot son has a stick up his ass, and we make small talk about their plans for the day. I assumed that they were heading back to LA, but Esme informs me they still have to meet with the Quileute Council and do a screen test. Before I had a chance to think about what I was saying, I asked who was doing the screen test and got a wave of frostiness from Edward that would rival the Ice Age. Whatever, dude, get over yourself. Seriously. You're kinda getting super annoying. I mentioned to Esme that the Quileutes love my buns, and she takes me up on my idea to bring some along with them to the meeting. I directed my attention back to the pastry case, because the order was all screwed up since we had just sold all those buns. I was thinking about how to rearrange things to look orderly, when I sensed the need to look up. I caught Edward staring at me. Yes, really, staring at me. I felt like maybe I had a booger on my cheek or something, and felt my face flush. I can't imagine why he was staring at me, apart from an extreme, nonsensical hatred of my person. I just looked at him, confused, then decided to head to the back. I wasn't even going to waste my time with him.
Not less than five minutes later, Alice dances back to see me. Thank god I don't have the ear buds in, or she would have scared the hell out of me.
"Bella, I have a confession to make."
"Alice, I'm not a priest. And you aren't Catholic. What's up?"
"I just made Edward Cullen four shots of decaf espresso."
I laugh out loud at that and hold up my fist to bump together with hers. "Excellently played, Ms. Brandon! You sneaky little bitch! I honestly didn't know you had it in you!"
"I've never even considered it before, but I'm kind of like a mama bear when someone hurts my cub. I get all territorial. No one gets to hurt my Bella. No one."
"I never would have thought of it, either. Although I have had visions of poisoning his coffee on the set, I must admit."
"You have to promise not to do it until the end of the shoot. That way we can still get payment for most of the contract," she says in her magical little giggle. We both know she is kidding, but it is still funny as hell. She quickly shifts gear and says, "Bella, you are not going to try to tell me that Edward Cullen wasn't staring at you out there."
"Alice, you just used too many negatives in one sentence for that to make any sense. And no, I'm not going to tell you that Edward Cullen wasn't looking at me. I think. Wait; let's start over. Yes, Edward Cullen was giving me the stink eye just now. There, that clears things up."
"Stink eye? Are you kidding me? He was totally checking out your hooters, girl!"
"Alice, he was so not checking out my hooters."
"Was so."
"Was not."
"Was so."
"Alice, quit! He was not! I think he was trying to come up with another Oscar-worthy diss of me, but couldn't quite manage it until the caffeine hits his system."
"Yeah, what he said last night was pretty awful. I don't know why he did that, and neither did Jasper."
"Alice, it doesn't matter. We live in different worlds. It doesn't mean anything that he doesn't like me. It has no impact on who I am or what I do. Really. So, he is a socially retarded asswipe. Nothing new there."
"Bella, really…."
"No, Alice, I mean it. It's cool. And besides, I would rather talk about you and one Mr. Jasper Whitlock. What happened after I left last night?"
Alice does this little squee and dance at the same time. If she didn't have her shoes weighing her down, I would swear she'd be floating above the café right now.
"Oh Bella, he is everything that is perfect in a man—funny, enthusiastic, pleasant, and so kind. All night long, he was so at ease and wasn't even remotely pretentious, like I expected him to be. I can't believe we hung out together the entire time!"
"Alice, that is one of the main differences between us—you cannot believe when a cute guy pays attention to you, and I cannot believe when they don't. Honestly, you are the most adorable woman in Forks—how could Jasper have even noticed anyone else?"
"You always say that!"
"Because it is true! You know that I cannot avoid seeing what is wrong in everyone and everything, but you cannot see anything but goodness. I don't remember your ever saying a mean word about anyone in all the years we've known each other."
"You totally exaggerate my good qualities. I'm not that nice of a person. I'm a petite, hyper, anally retentive, five feet tall midget. What could I possibly offer someone like Jasper Whitlock?"
"Now let me guess…you guys made out like two teenagers in heat, didn't you?"
"Was it that obvious?"
"Let's just say you're glowing so brilliantly I'm wondering if you visited a nuclear power plant last night."
"Bella, I can't even tell you what an amazing kisser he is! I could have sworn I was going to spontaneously combust! And he did it right in front of everyone else at the bar, like he didn't care who saw us. As much as I loved kissing him, it was almost sweeter to see the looks on Jessica and Lauren's faces—to say they were pissed off is putting it mildly. It was so…satisfying…to finally get the better of those two!"
"I wish I could have seen it! I think I may be even happier than you are about that!"
"So, I have to ask Bella—what are you going to do about Edward Cullen? And the filming?"
"Alice, I'm not going to do a damn thing. My life is exactly the same as it was 48 hours ago. It will continue being the same 48 hours from now. Edward Cullen's presence in Forks doesn't change a thing."
We hear the front door chime out and Alice flits back to the front to greet our customer. I have a huge smile on my face, thinking about how happy Alice is over the time she spent with Jasper. She deserves this more than anyone I know, and I will do whatever it takes to make this work for her while Masen is filming in Forks. So what if we aren't Hollywood royalty? That doesn't mean Jasper can't fall for Alice. With the way she works her magic on those whom she loves, frankly, Jasper doesn't stand a chance.
I grab the tart dough from the mixer and bring it over to my workstation. My eyes drift over to my copy of Desiderata, and I glance over the third stanza.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
That one makes me smile to myself. I find it humorous that a few hours ago, I resolved to do just that—to be myself, and not to let Edward Cullen's opinion of me alter my state of mind. He has no permission to make me feel bad about who I am. So yeah, I'm just gonna stick to that, Mr. Ehrmann—I'm going to be myself.
Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.
Hmm. I guess I'm not cynical about love, because I am encouraging Alice to pursue it full force. I happen to be disenchanted, but that doesn't matter. I'm not cynical about love in general, just about love in my own life. For now, I can deal with that. I know it is as perennial as the grass, but it also isn't for everyone. Especially when you are a snarky bitch who lives in a town with a population of 3,120 people. So, I think I am within reason to be cynical about love for myself. I believe in love in general. I think that's what Ehrmann is talking about. I think.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
This totally reminds me of Esme, and all she did to rescue me last night. I would gracefully surrender anything to her; she is one of the most beautiful people on the planet, both inside and out. I'll take her on as a surrogate mother any day, especially when my own mother is so fail.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
Oh my god, that's exactly what I was doing just this morning! In my internal rant about the Asshat's remarks to me, I was nurturing my inner strength! Cullen's diss of me last night was certainly a sudden misfortune, and I'm shielding myself by not giving him permission to upset me. I'm suddenly fascinated by how closely my life is a parallel of Desiderata ever since the Masen players appeared in Forks. It's all just coincidence, of course, but fascinating nonetheless. I'm amazed at the lasting wisdom of Max Ehrmann, a man who wrote the Desiderata of Happiness more than 60 years ago.
But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
I really chuckle out loud when I read this line. Fatigue and loneliness are kind of the centerpiece of my life story. I've been fatigued continuously for the last four years. And seeing as I've never had a significant other before, being alone is my middle name. Bella Being Alone Cullen. Cullen, WTF? I seriously need to get my subconscious mind in the program with the rest of my body. It keeps springing Edward Cullen on me at the most inopportune moments. I really need to let that part of my mind know its not okay to pop this shit on me whenever it wants to, dammit.
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EPOV
As we ride to the Quileute reservation together, Esme's conversation with me is very abbreviated. I know she is ticked off with me, but I can hardly sit there and explain to her the reasons behind my actions towards Bella Swan. The only thing I can do is let her continue to think her only child is an asshole of huge proportions. As I am mulling this unsavory concept over in my head, I hear her breathe in deeply then sigh.
"Edward, do you remember our conversation in the car yesterday, following the meeting?"
"Of course, mom. I always listen to you and hear what you say."
"I'm afraid you didn't hear what I said yesterday. Remember, I treat people with the respect they deserve, unless they prove to me that they don't deserve that kind of treatment."
"I know, mom. I guess my behavior last night doesn't earn your respect."
"No, Edward, it is more than that. This has more to do with Bella Swan than it does with you, although you are definitely in the doghouse with me for that little act. It's that Bella did nothing to earn that type of behavior from you. She has been kind, accepting, and helpful. As an individual, she has worth and dignity. Your words to her in the bar showed your complete lack of respect for her as a person. She deserved better than that from you. I know I raised you to treat women better than that. Simply because she is someone whose life is vastly different from our own doesn't mean she is any less of a person. You came across as arrogant and rude and hurtful, and those are not words I wish to use to describe my son. I think it behooves you to consider how you might possibly make amends with her; I expect nothing less from you. I would prefer that it happen before we leave tonight, rather than next month. Do I make myself clear, son?"
"Absolutely, mom. I'll do my best to figure it out. I'm sorry I embarrassed and disappointed you."
"This has nothing to do with me, Edward. I don't care about myself. This is all about Bella Swan. Understood?"
"Yes. Understood."
"Good. Now, help me take these buns in to the council, then you and Jasper can set up for your screen test."
I look up and realize we've arrived at La Push. We pull up to the Oceanside Resort, which is owned and operated by the Quileute Nation. Its conference rooms and meeting space are the ideal location for our screen test. Jasper and I schlep the buns and equipment inside and set it down in the meeting room.
There are five members of the tribal council; Sue Clearwater is the Council Chairperson. Sam Uley is the Vice-Chair, and Billy Black is the Council's Member-at-Large. The fact that we now know three of the five council members leaves me hopeful that Esme's negotiations with them will ultimately be successful. I approach Sue, and confirm where she would like us to set up for the screen test. I also need to meet Jacob Black.
"Good morning, Ms. Clearwater. I have the equipment here for Jacob Black's screen test, and I'm wondering where you would like me to get set up. Do you know, is Jacob here yet?"
"Here, let me show you where the room is. I don't think Jacob is here yet, but you could ask Billy. That's his dad. He's the one in the wheelchair."
"In fact, we were just talking about Mr. Black, Billy that is, this morning. We were at the Wonderland Café, and Bella Swan mentioned that he was a close family friend."
"Oh, you met Bella? She's a real looker, isn't she? She's close friends with both Jacob and my son, Seth."
"Oh, she knows Jacob Black? I suppose she would, since their fathers are close friends." I didn't like hearing that she was friends with Jacob Black. For some reason, it just rubbed me the wrong way. I know it isn't any of my business, but the feeling remained all the same.
"Yes, she and Jacob are very close. They've known each other all their lives."
"Well, I'll just get set up in here and then I'll find Billy and, hopefully, Jacob. Thanks for your assistance with everything, Sue."
Jasper came in to join me, munching on a bun. "Dude, these really are amazing. You should try one. Then you might not be such an ass to Bella all the time."
I pinched the bridge of my nose between my fingers. "Jazz, I don't have time to get into that right now. I have no time to waste on Bella Swan. She's just a baker in Forks, Washington. She is of no consequence to what we're trying to get done here."
"Well, I've never seen anyone get under your skin like that before, Edward. You usually keep yourself so withdrawn from women. I'm just surprised that she has the ability to get you riled up enough to say something nasty."
"Jasper, I wasn't nasty. I wasn't complimentary, either, I admit, but I was decidedly not nasty."
"Well, all I'm sayin' is that I would be very, very pissed off with you if you ever talked like that to me. I'm surprised she even ventured out to the front of the café this morning, the way she walked off last night."
"Apparently my words weren't as harmful as you judge them to be."
"You know, whatever. There's more to this than you are spilling. I've never seen that particular look you were handing out last night…so please, just watch it. I really like Alice, and your being nasty to her best friend and business partner will really mess up my mojo."
"Jasper, as I already told you, we don't have time to discuss this right now. Suffice it to say, you and I need to have a little chat about Alice Brandon, and about filming in Forks. I think there's going to have to be some ground rules in place once filming starts."
"Oh go fuck yourself, Edward! You are not pulling that shit on me! I've never met anyone like Alice, and you will not dictate to me how and when I spend time with her. If you're going to be like that, you can fucking find yourself another actor to be in this film—because I will not stand for it. Do I make myself clear?"
I just give him an intense, disappointed look. "Crystal. Now let's find Jacob Black so we can do this fucking screen test and get the hell out of Forks."
"What makes you so anxious to get out of Forks?" A deep voice says from behind me. I turn around and face a very tall guy with long black hair. His hands are huge, and he's wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Something tells me this is Jacob Black.
"Jacob, I presume?"
"Yep, that's me."
I reach out my hand to shake his. He grabs it a bit warily, looking me over in the process.
"My name is Edward Cullen, and I will be the director for The Noble Savage. My casting director tells me you've never done any film work before, is that correct?" I motion for him to sit down as I pull out a chair.
"Nope, no film work."
Wow, this guy is a regular chatterbox.
"Okay, then, what we need to do today is a screen test. It is basically a way for us to get you on film, reading some of the lines, so that we can see how you look and sound on tape. If you do well with the screen test, our next step would be to have you meet with the lead actress in the film, Ms. Tanya Denali; we would need to see what the chemistry is like between the two of you. If all that goes well, you could be the one guy we're looking for."
"Seems like a lot of work; what if I'm not the right guy? That's pretty wasteful."
"That may well be, but that's just how this industry works, Mr. Black. Now, I'd like to introduce you to Jasper Whitlock, who will be playing Ms. Denali's fiancé in the film. He will read some lines off-camera, and I'll be taping only you. Did you have a chance to memorize the lines we plan to run through for today?" Jasper nods at Jacob and shakes his hand.
"Yep, I memorized it."
"Okay then, just let me get the lights adjusted and the camera set up, and we'll be ready to roll."
Jasper helps me get the equipment ready, and the two of them run the lines while I tweak everything to be just right. We do one run through for practice, and then start the filming.
There are so many things to concentrate on in a screen test, but most of them just happen automatically for me now, since I've done this so many times. I watch the actor's poise and charisma through the camera. I look at the profile and body movement. I listen for vocal intonation and timbre. I do all these things simultaneously, without being consciously aware that I'm even doing it.
Jacob Black's film presence is just…dynamite. His read through is a bit rough, but nothing we can't resolve via an acting and vocal coach. His face is slightly angular, with a small divot in his chin, which picks up nicely on film. His eyes are dark and intense. As he speaks a variety of lines, he can look pleasant when smiling, and alarming when angry. He is tall and sinewy, with well-defined musculature. Physically, he fits the character to a tee. He also seems to have chemistry with Jasper, which he will need in the film when the two spar over Tanya's character. So, although my morning started out quite shitty, I'm feeling buoyed by this screen test. At least one piece of my puzzle is falling nicely into place.
I realize that both Jacob and Jasper are looking at me for some direction—they've finished the scene, yet the camera is still rolling. "Sorry, guys…just thinking through the scene. Let's run it again; Jacob, I want to see how intense you can be when you're angry. This scene with Jasper's character is an important one to the entire film, because you are working up to the fight sequence over Tanya Denali's character."
"Okay. I can do that."
They run it again, and this take is even better than the first. Now, instead of having Jasper read the lines off-camera, I decide to film a take where they are both on screen together, to see how they meld physically when sharing the same space. Again, Jacob just fits into everything I give him. He's definitely our Noble Savage.
"Okay, I think I've seen everything that I need to see. Mr. Black, I would like to invite you down to LA to complete another screen test with Ms. Denali. It would be best if we would try to do it sometime this week. Is that feasible?"
"Uh, I work in the shop all week, but I guess I could ask one of the guys to cover for me. How long will I need to be there?"
"A day, possibly overnight. I'll have my assistant Rosalie Hale give you a call to arrange things. Here's her business card. Can I get your contact information as well, so that I can ensure you two connect?" I hand Jacob a pen and my business card and he writes the information on the back.
"I noticed you guys brought some of Bella's buns for the Tribal Council. That was a smart idea."
"Ms. Swan actually suggested it. She said they really like her buns."
Jacob starts laughing at that. "Yeah, and I bet she blushed ten shades of red when you asked her for her buns, didn't she?"
"Yes, I believe she did. Thank you again, Mr. Black, for your time. We'll be in touch soon." I still feel uncomfortable with Jacob Black's familiarity with Bella. I know cognitively that it shouldn't bother me, but it does. That was all going have to become more tightly controlled before filming starts.
I start to pack up the equipment while Jasper steps aside and plays with his phone. I don't need to ask him who he's texting.
I meet up with Esme in the hallway, and she beams a beautiful smile at me. "It's all taken care of, Edward! The one thing they were holding out for was that we house the actors and crew at the Oceanside, since it is a tribal-owned business. I didn't think that would be a problem for us. The nice thing is that they have some cabins on the property, which you and the lead actors can use. They'll provide more privacy than the lodge rooms. And I have to admit; Bella's buns put a smile on everyone's face before I even opened my mouth. We owe her a lot of gratitude, Edward. She did sweeten the deal for us," she says pointedly at me.
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry, and I will apologize to Bella before we leave. Are you satisfied?"
"Yes, I'm satisfied. How was the screen test?"
With that, a smile lights up my face. "Mom, he was amazing. His look is just what I was expecting, or at least what I was hoping for. And he read really well, too. His timbre was just right. He and Jasper moved together nicely on film. I told him we'll get him down to LA this week so we can get him together with Tanya, but my guess is that they will click."
"I'm glad to hear everything is falling into place. Why don't you finish getting your gear packed up, and we'll head back to Forks. We need to get Rosalie."
"Oh shit, Rosalie! I totally forgot about her! She's gonna be so pissed!"
"I talked to her last night, Edward. She's fine. She knew we had the meetings today. We're meeting her at the café."
I sigh deeply, thinking about the fact that I have to appease my mother by apologizing to Bella when we get to the café. I'm not looking forward to that, because I know how much my body betrays me every time I see Bella Swan. I have to figure out what to say that could possibly make up for what an asshole I was to her, but still allows me to keep a comfortable wall between us. I have no fucking idea how I'm going to manage that, but I'm trusting that my brain will come up with something between now and then.
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A/N: Desiderata has been nominated for an Indie Award. The list of nommed stories is HUGE, so they are going to two rounds of voting. First round will run from July 8 – July 12. You can vote at:
http://theindietwificawards [dot] com/vote [dot] aspx