DESIDERATA

A/N: Thank you to all the readers who have put Desiderata on favorites lists and story alerts. It makes me squee out loud and causes my husband to question my sanity every time I get a notification. This chapter is shorter than I intended, because there is going to be an epic confrontation on the horizon…just so you are all prepared. I decided to save that little slice of goodness for chapter 15.

Things I own: A bad case of the Mondays. And it's Tuesday. That's not good.

Things I don't own: Anything Twilight, it all belongs to Ms. Meyer. Or a ticket to Comic-Con. But I really, really want one. Will someone please promise to suck on RPattz fingers for me? :o(

CHAPTER FOURTEEN: STRANGE THINGS ARE AFOOT AT THE CIRCLE-K

"Burgundy makes you think of silly things; Bordeaux makes you talk about them; Champagne makes you do them." - Anonymous

BPOV

I wake up on the cold bathroom floor of Jasper's cabin. I try to remember what the hell happened in order for me to be asleep on the floor, and notice my head pounding. My mouth feels like I swallowed cotton balls and that someone died in there. I groan as I make my way to stand—my head is actually pounding so hard it feels like it is going to explode any second. I look at myself in the mirror and, while I didn't think it was possible, I actually look worse than I feel. And I feel like shit. Fuck my life.

I wash my face off with cold water and try to straighten out my hair a bit. Wondering what time it is, I open up my phone. Shit. It's only 6:00. I also see that I missed three of Charlie's calls and ten of Alice's. I have some text messages from her, too, so I open those.

1:08Bells, what happened? U won't open door.

1:53Pls, girl, lemme in.

2:18Edward won't talk, Jazz is worried. Pls let me know u r ok in there.

3:10ISABELLA MARIE SWAN OPEN THE DOOR OR TEXT ME STAT!!

4:04Edward is an ass. He feels bad. Pls, Bells?

4:44Am officially givin up. Just call when u wake up. Goin 2 sleep.

I feel really bad that I missed all those calls and texts, but there is no way I'm going to come out of this bathroom until Fuckward has vacated the premises. God, he is such an ass. I can't believe I got duped into spending the night with him last night.

I decide to call Charlie so that he won't be worried. I should have called him yesterday; he worries sick about me being on the road when the weather is bad. I dial his number.

"Hello?"

"Hey dad, it's Bella."

"Bella! God I was worried about you! Where in the heck are you, anyhow? You didn't call to tell me you weren't coming home!"

"Yeah, I know. Sorry about that. It got a little hectic on the set yesterday when things were cancelled because of the rain. I thought maybe Billy might have called you. Alice and I are staying in Jacob's room, and Jacob went to stay with Billy until this lets up."

"Oh, good. I'm so glad you didn't try driving home—highway 110 is partially washed out, so you won't be able to come home for a while."

"Really? Wow, that hasn't happened for years. Is it really that bad out there?"

"Yeah, and we're gonna be swamped trying to help out the State Patrol. Promise to keep your phone on so I can reach you, okay?"

"Sure thing, dad. Just take care of yourself."

"Always do, Bells. Always do."

"Love you, dad. Bye."

Jesusfreakingchrist. I'm stuck here with Asshat and company for the foreseeable future.

My phone rings again. Alice. I groan.

"Yes, Alice."

"Bella Swan, why the hell haven't you called me?"

"Because I just woke up and needed to let Charlie know I was okay first. Parents trump best friends in the call notification hierarchy. Don't you know that by now?"

"Umm, just remember that my hierarchy doesn't include parents."

"Shit, I'm so sorry! That isn't what I meant. Fuck, I have the worst headache known to man. Drank way too much last night."

"Will you let me in now, please? So we can talk about it?"

I need to know how much she knows about last night.

"What have you heard?"

"Nothing. Edward won't say a word. In fact, he stormed out of here around 4:00 to go back to his own cabin."

"So he isn't here right now?"

"That's right."

"Okay, I'm coming out then."

*****************

I open the bathroom door, and Alice flings herself on me as if I've been held hostage for the past three years. While I'm grateful for her enthusiasm, it doesn't help my head.

"Short stack, do you have any of that Aleve I asked for yesterday? I'm pretty sure my brain died."

"Oh, yeah, you know I'm always prepared for any kind of disaster," she says, rummaging around through her tote bag, which is nearly as big as she is.

"My head is betting on your being prepared, Girl Scout," I tell her, expressing my sincere appreciation for her OCD tendencies. "Just let me swallow this pill, get some water, and we can talk. Kay?"

Note to self: Remember Desiderata. Remember Eleanor's advice. You're better than this, Bella. You CAN do this. You WILL do this. Repeat after me: Edward Cullen does NOT have permission to make me feel bad about myself. Edward Cullen does NOT have permission to make me feel bad about myself…

After my self-talk diatribe, I sit down at the kitchen table with my glass of water. Alice sits across from me.

"You know, I think this story would best be told over some greasy eggs and bacon, with copious amounts of caffeine. What do you say?"

"Actually, breakfast sounds great. I'm just going to go let Jasper know we're heading over there. He can always meet us there later."

"Sounds like a plan." I run into the bathroom quickly to arrange my hair into a ponytail and make myself look at presentable as possible. One look in the mirror is enough to confirm that I have failed miserably at my task. I sigh deeply. As good as it's gonna get.

Alice and I suit up to go out into the torrential rain. It hasn't let up for the past 18 hours. Having lived in Forks my entire life, I don't go anywhere without my rain gear and wellie boots. Naturally, Alice's get up is much more stylish than mine. In fact, I didn't really know rain gear could look stylish, but somehow Alice pulls it off. Like usual.

We're actually quiet as we make our way over to the River's Edge Restaurant. It sits on the Oceanside Resort property, on the banks of Quillayute River next to the marina, not far from where the river meets the ocean. It is a beautiful setting, but this morning, with the added rain, the river looks angry and brown. Usually, I love to watch the sea lions play in the river while I wait for my food, but none of them are in the wild waters today.

We walk into the restaurant and shake off our jackets. Even though it is 7:00 AM, the restaurant is busy for a Monday morning. With the rain and cancelled shooting schedule, there isn't much to do here besides eat or drink. Or both.

We slide into a booth and look over the menus. I'm totes a pancake kinda girl, so I go for the blueberry buttermilk, and some eggs. Alice always gets the greasy spoon plate. I have no idea where she puts all that food, because she can't weigh more than 90 pounds soaking wet. Just another reason she is so dang annoying.

"So, do we need to talk about what happened last night?"

"You know, I think I kind of blew it out of proportion because I was drunk. Now that I'm awake, and Edward isn't here, I'm okay."

"What did he do to make you lock yourself in a bathroom and sleep there?"

"It's a long story. Too much to drink, loose tongues saying things that shouldn't have been said. The usual."

"Somehow, I doubt that anything that happens between you and Edward Cullen is 'the usual.' You are aware that he likes you, right?"

I bellow out a laugh at that. "In the Twilight Zone, maybe! And even if he does like me, which he absolutely does not, I can assure you, that doesn't mean his interest is returned."

"Oh come on, Bella! Wake up and smell the coffee, honey! I've never seen you look at someone the way you look at Edward Cullen. I think you need to take your blinders off and acknowledge how you feel."

"I willingly acknowledge how I feel—I hate him. Blinders off and all, I hate him. He is the most arrogant, self-righteous, snobby man I've ever met in my life. So what if he's also the most beautiful guy to ever walk the earth? No amount of beauty could ever override his ego!"

"What was it that broke the camel's back? What did he say?"

I might as well spill to Alice, because she's going to get the story out of me one way or another. I take in a deep breath as I begin. "Well, we kind of got into a movie quote-off."

Alice interrupts, "A what?"

"We each had to name a movie quote, and the other one had to figure out what movie it was from. He was so smug about the whole thing, and was getting a little pissy when I matched him quote for quote. Hmm, come to think of it, no victor was ever declared…oh yeah, because we were trying to sneak up on you and Jasper. I kind of tripped over my own two feet and ended up on top of Edward."

"This sounds promising, go on."

"Well, he accused me of wanting to fuck him right on the floor…"

"WHAT?!"

"I kind of dry humped his junk without realizing it…"

"BELLA SWAN!! You did NOT!"

"Shh, Alice, people are staring! Do you want to hear this story or not?"

Alice squirms in her seat, like a kindergartener sitting through Christmas Midnight Mass. "Ok, I'll behave," she says as she sits on her hands.

"Anyway, he said I wanted to fuck him, and I told him that wasn't possible, and it may have accidentally came out that I'm a virgin, and then he tried to give me a pity kiss, and I basically told him to fuck off."

"If I know you, Bella Swan, I know that you said a lot more than 'fuck off.' Details, girl. Spill."

"Well, it was more along the lines of accusing him of being just like Mr. Darcy in the beginning of Pride and Prejudice, and he followed up by saying that I have no one to blame except myself for the fact that I'm still a virgin, because I drive men away."

"He did not!"

"He did. And that's when I told him to fuck off, go to hell, and leave me alone."

"Wow. Just, wow."

"Yeah. I know."

I glance around the restaurant, and notice Jake is sitting with a group of people who I recognize from the set. They're laughing and pretty animated, so I'm not about to go over there to say hello, even though I feel like I should. I don't want him to think I am ignoring him.

Our waitress brings our breakfast, and I look up to see Jake standing right behind her.

"Hey Jake! I haven't even gotten a chance to catch up with you since the filming started! How's it all going?"

Once our food has been delivered, Jake slides up next to me in the booth, putting his arm across the top edge of the seat, just above my shoulders. "It's a wild world, that's for sure, Bells. I'm getting the hang of it, though. Pretty much just memorizing lines and learning where I'm supposed to stand. Most of what I do is physical stuff anyway. Canoeing, bow hunting, that kind of shit. They have a couple of the tribal members consulting them on our tribal customs and stuff. You know the star, Tanya? She's actually pretty cool once you get to know her. I think she does most of her antics just to piss off Edward. There is some bad blood between them."

I snort in response. "I'm surprised to hear that!" I muse, sarcasm thick in my voice. "He's such a sweet, easy going guy most of the time."

"Aw, come on, he's a good guy. A little snobby, yeah, but he's not so bad. He's just serious."

WTF? Jake is defending the asshat? "Sorry, but I beg to differ. Maybe if you are part of his inner sanctum, like one of his actors, he's okay, but to the commoners like us, he's a royal jerk."

Jake just shrugs his shoulders. "You gonna eat the rest of those pancakes? Mind if I have them?"

"Didn't you eat already?"

"Hey, I'm a growing boy! I need my sustenance!"

I slide my plate over to him, unable to stuff in another bite. "Have at it, Boy Wonder. By the way, Jake, you wouldn't happen to have an extra t-shirt in that backpack of yours, would you? Mine is getting a little stale right about now."

"You know me way too well—I always have one stashed with me somewhere. Usually so I can impress the chicks by going shirtless." He rifles through his backpack and finds a shirt for me. I roll my eyes at his comment.

"I'm gonna run and change shirts, Ali. I'll be right back."

I look at Jake's t-shirt before putting it on. It will look like a dress on me, but at least it is clean. It's dark blue and says, "Quileute Tribal School Killer Whales," featuring a picture of a killer whale drawn using the traditional Quileute tribal art form. On the back, it says simply "J. BLACK." I quickly get dressed and return to our table.

"Wow, that fits you perfectly, Swan!" Jake laughs as I approach the booth.

I slug him playfully in the arm. "It may be big, but it smells better than the shirt I was wearing, so no complaints from the peanut gallery."

During my conversation with Jake, I noticed in my peripheral vision that Alice was deviously texting away on her phone. I may not be a rocket scientist, but I'm fairly certain that she is probably talking to Jasper.

"What's the word on the street from Jazz?"

Alice startles at my sudden outburst and fumbles with the phone. "Oh! Jasper's on his way over, I was hoping he could just join us. You're okay with that, right?"

"Sure, why wouldn't I be?"

"No reason. Just checking."

Alice is making me a little suspicious. This isn't the kind of thing she'd ever have to clear with me. Why is she doing so now? I don't have time to investigate that thought any further, because someone new has joined Jake at our table.

"Jacob Black, you never told me you were acquainted with the two most beautiful women at the Oceanside Resort. Care to make introductions?"

"Oh, sure, James. This is Bella Swan here, and Alice Brandon. Alice and Bella, this is James Masen. I've been friends with these two forever. They're in charge of the coffee cart on the set. Alice also owns a coffee shop in Forks called the "Wonderland Café. Bella is the one who is famous for her buns." Jake happens to leave the details of exactly what "Bella's Buns" are out of the conversation. I blush like a virgin bride. Fucker.

We both shake hands with James. He is a pretty hot guy with long blonde hair that he wears in a ponytail, crystal ice blue eyes, and a killer torso. It shows off under his skintight t-shirt. Then it hits me. His name is James Masen.

"James Masen? As in, Masen Masterworks, Masen?"

"Very astute, young lady. Yes, as in Masen Masterworks."

"So, are you one of the producers or something? I assume you are part of the family management?"

Before he can answer, I see Alice's face light up. I turn my head around to see Jasper and Edward Cullen approaching our table. Edward looks as though he just swallowed a lemon, whole. Guess someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. He has dark circles under his eyes and looks like he could use an entire pot of coffee. Jasper grabs Alice's hand and encourages her to scoot out of the booth. James immediately slides into Alice's empty spot. Edward simply nods at James coolly. As his eyes scan my t-shirt, his brow furrows, and his eyes dart over to Jacob. The entire action lasts only a split second, and then his face returns to neutral.

"Good morning, Jacob, Isabella." He glances at Jasper, giving him an unspoken signal, and walks away.

"What the hell is his problem?" I sputter.

"I think he's probably feeling under the weather after last night. We're just going to grab some breakfast. Do you mind if I steal Miss Alice away from you?"

I smile broadly at Jasper. "Of course not, she's yours to take. I mean steal. Whatever." I decide to stop while I'm ahead, since my verbal diarrhea has started again. I wonder if they make Immodium for the brain.

James is the first to speak after Jasper and Edward leave.

"I'm sure you noticed that little slight, by the way. You seem like an intelligent girl."

"I was kind of wondering about that, but Edward Cullen is such an arrogant asstard it seemed rather typical of his behavior. Care to explain?"

"Well, let's just say we have a history."

"Go on, you can't just leave it at that!"

He smiles, amused with my impatience. "Well, I'm a distant relation. I was married to Kate Cullen, one of Edward Cullen's second cousins, so I married into the Masen/Cullen name; my family wasn't related closely enough to benefit from any of their wealth. After we were married, I starting doing work with Edward on each of his shoots; you're kind of expected to take part in the family business at any level if the names Masen or Cullen are part of your signature. You really don't have a choice. So they decided that I would be in training to become the Best Boy grip, which is basically someone who moves and sets up lighting. Not that I wanted to do that, but that's what was chosen on my behalf."

"You didn't have a choice about any of this? What, is it like the Mafia or something?"

James laughs. "Yeah, you could say that. Anyway, the whole family is made up of control freaks, Kate among them. I think we were probably doomed from the start. I don't know if Edward Cullen poisoned her against me or not, but a few years after we were married, she divorced me."

"So why are you still here? I mean, there is nothing to tie you to the Masens anymore, surely."

"Actually, there is. Part of our divorce settlement came in the form of a permanent employment agreement. Instead of giving me a cash payout, they guaranteed I would have work at Masen Masterworks for the rest of my life. I signed a contract with the devil in order to get Kate Cullen out of my life, so now I'm stuck on the Masen sets forever."

"Wow, I can't believe what I'm hearing. Edward Cullen sure doesn't hide his animosity for you, does he?"

"Yeah, it's no secret. The worst part of it is, I've never been promoted to Key Grip. I'm stuck being a Best Boy for the rest of my fucking life."

"Well, you could do something else with you life, couldn't you?"

"Why would I ever do that? I have a steady, guaranteed income from Masen."

"It just seems like you're really bitter about having to keep working for the family, is all. I just assumed you might want to try something else to get away from them."

"Let's just say that the Masens have golden handcuffs around my wrists. I can't really go anywhere else."

"Wow. Edward Cullen is a bigger asshole than I realized, and that is saying a lot."

********************

EPOV

Isabella Swan will be the death of me.

That's the first thought that enters my mind when I awaken. Fuck, this woman has clearly been sent from the depths of hell to torment my cock. I'm certain of that fact. Last night, we're sparring back and forth about movies, I see her completely animated and alive, and I've never wanted to kiss a woman more in my entire life. What the hell is wrong with me? I cannot fall in love with Bella Swan! Well, maybe I can't fall in love, but my dick doesn't seem to be listening. The entire time we're arguing, half of my brain is occupied with worry that my cock is going to suddenly rip through my jeans, because it is that fucking hard. Her tits are right in front of me, and it is all I can do to keep myself from reaching over and palming them. I'm fairly certain that if I were to do that, I'd end up a very sorry man. It wasn't worth the split second of heaven to get the lifetime of wrath that would follow. Somehow, I manage to keep my dick in my pants and my hands off her tits, but it took the strength of Hercules, I swear. I don't know if I can hold out much longer.

We go from verbal sparring, to sneaking up on Jasper and Alice because I really needed to stop that shit from getting more serious, to falling and Bella humping my junk. God, I nearly came in my pants like a 14 year old, seeing her thrusting her hips and closing her eyes in ecstasy. I'm right there with her, and catch myself groaning. I have a hugeass grin on my face when she opens her eyes, forcing her to jump off my cock.

No, dammit, my cock needs you! Have mercy on my poor, rock hard, throbbing cock, you evil harpy!

Then, Bella Swan opens up with the biggest cliffhanger I've ever been witness to—she's a fucking virgin? You've gotta be fucking kidding me! Oh, sweet jeezus, my cock is going to be hard for the next decade when it hears that. Both my cock and I are in complete agreement that we're more than willing to aid Ms. Bella Swan in trading in her v-card status. Any time. Like right now. I'm so freaking horny I can't even think straight, on top of all the booze I've consumed.

So, my next move may not have been my smoothest ever, but hey, I was drunk and incredibly horny, and the sexiest, doe-eyed brunette I have ever seen was standing immediately in front of me. I'm not a martyr, after all. I grab her chin and move to kiss her. And before I know it, Bella Swan is accusing me of being Mr. Darcy—the arrogant, asshole Mr. Darcy, and she's all pissed off that I'm giving her a sympathy kiss. WTF?

Being under the influence of copious amounts of alcohol AND lack of oxygen to my brain since all my blood flow has gone straight to my dick, I say something very bad to Bella Swan. Yeah, I essentially accuse her of being a cold fish, and blame her for her own virginal status. Umm, to say that went over like a lead balloon is putting it mildly. Once again, because of me, Bella has been reduced to tears. She escapes into the bathroom and locks herself in. Fuck, Cullen! You did it again!

After attempting to get her out of the bathroom myself, I have to break up Jasper and Alice for their assistance. We try for hours to coax her out of there. Around 4 AM, I can't keep my eyes open any longer, and assume it is for the best if I simply go back to my cabin. I fall into bed and dead asleep.

Around 7:00 AM, my phone alarm rings. When I open my eyes, it feels like someone snuck into my room and drove a stake into my skull. I get up to take some ibuprofen. I check my phone, and Jasper left me a text to meet at his cabin and go to breakfast. Food and coffee might do me some good.

We stumble over to the River's Edge restaurant, saying nothing. Jasper knows instinctively when I am in a shitty mood, and I'm definitely in a shitty mood this morning. He knows to leave well enough alone.

When we enter the restaurant, the first things I see, in this order, do not improve my mood:

Bella Swan is sitting next to Jacob Black;

Jacob Black's arm is around Bella Swan;

Bella Swan is laughing and smiling at Jacob Black;

Bella Swan is wearing a blue t-shirt (oh fuck me now she's wearing blue!) with the wording "J. BLACK" on the back of it;

James Masen is standing at Bella Swan's table and giving her his greasiest smile.

I register these five things instantly, and notice all the blood rush to my head. I feel my hands start to shake. And I feel Jasper's arm go straight to my chest, effectively stopping me in my tracks. Thank god Jasper knows me so well, I think to myself. I take a moment to breathe in and out deeply in order to dissipate my anger. It doesn't really work, but I don't have any other alternatives at this point. As we approach the table, I merely give that scum of the earth a nod; that's being generous, in my book. I say a terse hello to Bella and Jacob, because that's all I'm capable of doing. Jasper grabs Alice's hand and leads her to our table.

Fortunately, the two of them are in their own little world; I don't need Alice's perceptive nature probing this scene any further. I feel the intensity of my glare as I see James talking animatedly to Bella and Jacob. I know exactly what he is saying, the same old song and dance he's been yammering on about since he broke my cousin's heart. The fact that Aunt Elizabeth allowed him to have what amounts to lifetime guaranteed employment continues to eat at me to this day. It is the only reason I don't beat the shit out of him every time I see the worm. The way he ruined Kate's life in unconscionable. The fact that he profited from breaking her heart symbolizes all that is wrong with the judicial system in our country. I know that my Aunt simply wanted him to go away quietly, mainly to avoid a huge scandal in the tabloids, but still. It just feels like James Masen got away with blackmail. All my cousin got was a ticket as far away from him as possible; she ended up taking a fellowship to study in Iceland. The only benefit to having him on the set is so that I can keep an eye on him, and keep him away from my cousin.

*********************************

BPOV

My phone rings. I look down, and see that it's Charlie. I hold my finger up to silence James as I answer.

"Hey dad, what's up? You guys still swamped with calls? Have you had anything to eat?"

Pause. A way too long pause. Shit.

"Um, Bells, I don't really know how to say this, so I'm just gonna say it. Renee is in town."

End note: For god knows what reason, Desiderata has been nominated for a Shimmer Award—"Tale Award" category. Of course, this thrills me to bits and makes me do happy dances all over the living room. I would be most honored to have your vote. Voting is located at: http://shimmerawards (DOT) webs (DOT) com/vote (DOT) htm. Voting starts today.