DESIDERATA
A/N: There are people in this world who are, at this very minute, watching RPattz and KStew appearances at Comic-Con. I am not one of them. Bitter, much? Oh, yeah. Definitely. Please read end notes as I have a couple of shout-outs for some of my readers—I didn't want to do a spoiler alert by putting them at the beginning.
Things I own: An Alice in Wonderland Italian charm bracelet watch, decorated with Cheshire Cat charms. (For those interested: Oh yes, I am a HUGE geek. HUGE.)
Things I don't own: Anything Twilight, it all belongs to Ms. Meyer. Alice in Wonderland belongs to Lewis Carroll.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN: DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE
ALICE: "Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
CHESHIRE CAT:"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to."
ALICE:"I don't much care where…"
CHESHIRE CAT:"The it doesn't matter which way you go."
ALICE:"…so long as I get SOMEWHERE."
CHESHIRE CAT:"Oh, you're sure to do that, if only you walk far enough."
BPOV
My phone drops from my hands, and I'm only vaguely aware of this fact. It sounds like there is cotton in my ears, and I silently wonder if the cotton from my mouth this morning somehow migrated into my eardrums. I hear a tinny voice rising from the table, and look down at the direction of the noise. Huh, that sounds like Charlie, if I didn't know better. Slowly, another voice becomes clear to me above the din.
"Bella? Bells? You in there? Say something, you're scaring me! Dammit, Bella!" Oh yeah, Jake is here…
I sense that someone is shaking my shoulders.
"Move, Jacob! NOW!" That must be Alice.
"Hello? Who is this?" That tinny voice answers the question. Sounds like the adults in a Peanuts cartoon.
"Oh thank god! Charlie, it's Alice. What is going on?" Wah wah wah wah wah wah.
"Sweet baby jesus, you have got to be shitting me!" Wha wha wha?
"Well, she's rather catatonic at the moment, I think she needs to recover from the shock. How did you find out?" The tinny voice drones on. I'm tired of listening to it.
"When? How the hell am I supposed to get her ready for that, Charlie?" Alice is sighing; I don't want her to be sad.
"Can you grab Bella some more clothes, at least? T-shirts, jeans, underwear. It doesn't matter; just grab whatever is clean. I'll get her back to our room in the lodge. Yeah, within the hour. I got it."
"Jake, I need you to help me get Bella to your room. Renee is on her way here, now."
*****************************
APOV
Fucking Renee Higginbotham and her idiotic, wickedly perfect timing! Fuck her. FUCK HER!
I don't remember a time when I've been this angry with another individual since my mom and dad were killed.
I love Isabella Marie Swan as if she was my sister. She has been my best friend for
16 years. We have cried together, mourned the loss of parents together, and laughed together. We've shared the best of times and worst of times. We finally have a moment where our business, our love lives, and everything in the world seem to serendipitously arrive at this perfect juncture. And fucking Renee Higginbotham thought this was the perfect time to reconnect with her long lost daughter. The daughter she left behind for some asshole minor league baseball player when Bella was less than a year old. People in Forks still talk about it.
Renee seems to have an uncanny ability to sniff out the times when Bella is at her best; she has a penchant for turning up at the worst possible moment for my wonderful friend. Why the universe sees fit to allow Renee to waltz into town to ruin Bella's moment is beyond me. There can be no justice in the world if Renee is once again allowed to have free reign over Bella's well being. While I appreciate Charlie's forewarning of Renee's imminent arrival, it clearly was enough to send Bella into a tailspin. Sadly for her, this tailspin is occurring in a most public place, in a most public way.
Jasper and Edward follow me over to Bella, concerned about her emotional state. Jake scoops her up into his arms and ferries her off his lodge room. Edward and Jasper follow closely behind, and I cryptically try to explain what is going on.
"Bella's mother decided to arrive in town to see what all the fuss about the Noble Savage is. She's never seen a movie being filmed, and wanted to take this opportunity to check things out. Against the advice of the Forks Chief of Police, she is in a taxi right now on her way to the Oceanside Resort."
Edward is the first to speak. "Why would that affect her in such a grave way?"
"I'd rather that Bella be the one to tell you the story, but she may not have time. Her mother left her very unceremoniously when she was less than a year old to run off with a minor league baseball player. Bella rarely hears from her, and when she does, it is only because Renee needs something from her."
Edward and Jasper both look sickened to learn this news.
Edward looks at me pleadingly. "Please, Alice, is there anything I can do to help? Anything at all?"
"Yes, you can ban her presence from any Masen film shoot or official activity."
"Of course. I'll go get things set in motion. Jasper, can you stay with Alice and Bella for me?"
"I wouldn't dream of going anywhere else right now."
I breathe a quick sigh of relief and we shut the door to Jake's room. Jake sits down on the bed with Bella in his lap. She is curled into the fetal position, with her arms wrapped tightly around her bent legs. He is gently stroking her hair, reminding her that everything will be fine. I curl up next to Jake on the bed.
"Bella, just remember that Renee doesn't matter. She hasn't mattered for nearly 21 years. She holds no power over you unless you allow her to."
I'm shocked when Bella turns to speak to me—she is usually incommunicado for at least 30 minutes when Renee pops up unannounced. It has been at least five years since the last time we saw her.
"NO! She cannot do this. I will not allow her to do this!" Bella shouts out.
"That's right, sweetheart. She isn't going to wreck anything, because we will not let her. Edward is having her banned from the sets, so you won't have to worry about running into her there."
"Wow, he's really doing that? Why?"
"Probably because he is just as stubborn as you are, and this is the only way he can show that he cares about you."
"Come on, Alice, Edward hates me. I thought we already established that."
Jasper interrupts me before I can rebut Bella's assertion. "I'm sorry, Ms. Swan, but you are mistaken. I'm pretty dang sure the man would fetch the stars and the moon for you if he could."
"Jasper, while I appreciate your trying to cheer me up in light of these crappy circumstances, let's not lose our grip on reality, all right?"
"Miss Bella, I hate to be blunt, but has anyone every told you that you are as stubborn as a mule?"
"I've heard that on occasion, yes."
"Well, I'm here to tell you that you need to lighten your load. Now, I know you are a smart cookie. Do you mind telling me how you can be so blind when it comes to love?"
"But, Edward Cullen doesn't even like me. He's always so mean to me."
"Is he really? Come on, girl, don't think about it with your head—feel it in your heart. Does he really dislike you? Is that what he says to you?"
*********************
BPOV
For once in my life, I'm not really sure how to respond to a question. Is it possible that Edward Cullen is interested in me? Is it possible that I'm interested in him? I ponder that for a moment. Clearly, he is the most beautiful man I've ever laid eyes on. I could look at him all day, have his image burned into my retina for life, and never get tired of ogling him. I can admit to that. But he's an asshat! He is so pretentious, egotistical, and snobby! As I remember our quote-off, I recall how fun it was, in that moment. He's smart and funny, actually really clever. I can't think of another time when a guy could meet me blow for blow, and I loved that while it was happening.
Right now, however, I need to focus on Renee, even though I would much rather think about Edward Cullen. While her arrival in Forks throws me for a loop for a few minutes, I regain my senses by the time Charlie shows up at the Oceanside. Thank god he's a cop, or otherwise he probably would never have made it to the lodge. I have no idea how Renee found a cab ride all the way out here, but naturally, luck seems to favor her odds.
When Charlie makes his way to Jake's room, I ask everyone to leave so that we can have time to talk privately. Of course, my gracious and kind friends do whatever they can to assist me. I don't feel like I deserve to be surrounded by such good people; I've never done anything extraordinary to merit such attention.
The expression on Charlie's face is enough to break me. He has such a look of agonized guilt, like this is all his fault, and that he can no longer bear the burden of bringing pain into my life in the form of my birth mother.
Charlie sits down next to me on the bed and put his arm around me. He takes in a very deep breath and sighs. "We were too young when we got married. Your mother simply charmed the socks off of me. She was so spirited, spontaneous, and fun. She always encouraged me to enjoy myself far too much. The direct result has been a life of challenges, trying to fix the gaping hole your mom left in our lives. I wish our fate could be different, that I had chosen someone else to be your mother, but there it is. You wouldn't exist if it weren't for that harebrained, immature, reckless woman, and I cannot bear to imagine my life without you. While I can never be sorry to have such a perfect daughter, I'm so sorry that you are trapped here because of my foolishness and lack of foresight in my youth."
I simply cannot allow my father to shoulder the blame for this burden any longer. The only one responsible for creating the gaping hole is Renee herself. I need to reassure my dad that he is forgiven, because there is truly nothing to forgive.
"Charlie, you know I don't blame you for anything; the only one who fucked up here is Renee. You are not responsible for her idiotic ways."
"It doesn't matter, sweetheart. I will always blame myself for everything."
"Dad, you're a good man, but not a perfect man. No one is. You've done the best you could for me, and for that, I'm grateful. Imagine what would have happened if Renee chose to stay. No, as difficult as things have been for you and me, I think we are far better off than we would ever have been had she stayed."
"The best I can hope for you is that you find a partner in life who is worthy of that great, big brain and heart of yours. Promise me you won't settle for anything less than you deserve, Bells. Promise me. It would kill me to see you repeat my mistakes."
"I promise, dad, but it's never going to happen. The gene pool is too small in Forks for me to find someone good here. I've already promised Alice that I'll be responsible for raising her brood, since I will never have any of my own."
"Don't you dare sell yourself short, young lady. I've never understood exactly why you do that. You are beautiful, lively, clever as hell, and smart as a whip. And while the relatively unsophisticated men of Forks, Washington may not value those traits, I'm pretty dang sure that once you leave here, there will be plenty of intelligent men who would love to share their lives with you."
"Dad, I'm not going anywhere. You know Alice and Emmett need me here."
"I don't think you should assume that the café will be here forever. You have to make other arrangements for your life beyond Forks. While I hate to push you away, you know it is what you need in order to live the life you are supposed to. The life you are meant to live."
"I don't really know what to say to that. I guess I've never really given serious thought to anything else, it just doesn't feel right. I can't imagine not being here with my family."
"Kiddo, you need to imagine it. It has always been clear to me that you are capable of so much more than you've done for yourself. Just promise me you'll think about it, okay?"
"Sure, dad. For you. I promise."
"Thanks. Now, are you gonna be okay if I leave? It wasn't really a good idea for me to come all the way out here, but I had to talk this over with you before Renee arrives."
"Of course, dad, of course! I'll be just fine. I've got my friends around me. And you know that favorite quote of mine, 'Friends are family you choose for yourself.'"
"Then I guess you have the best family on the planet." Charlie says with a smile. He gives me a quick peck on the cheek and a manhug, which is more like a pat on the shoulder than a true hug. It's about the best Charlie is capable of doing; he's never been great with being demonstrative.
Much of the day has already been eaten away with gossip and revelations of Renee. I peek my head outside of our door and signal to my friends to return. I just want to hop in the shower at long last and wash the remains of my hangover away.
"Hey guys, I need to take a shower, what do you have planned for the rest of the day?"
Alice looks at me warily. "Don't you need to talk about Renee?"
"You know what, no. She doesn't even deserve to have me waste time thinking about her. So, she is coming to the Oceanside. So, she wants to be where all the action is. Let her. It isn't my name that is tarnished, after all, it is hers. Everyone knows I'm not the one who left—she is. She's the one who has the reputation that precedes her. I'm determined to go about my business like everyone else. I've finally realized that, to really grow up, it is critical to acknowledge who you were as a part of who you are. The only thing that interests me now is who I am, and who I will be. There's simply nothing more to talk about."
"Who are you? Seriously, did Khan slip into your window last night and leave one of those mind-control brain bugs in your ear? Because the Bella I know should totally be freaking out right now!"
I giggle and snort at Alice's Star Trek reference. Sometimes I do actually rub off on her! "Nope, this is all me, Isabella Marie Swan. I'm 21 now, I'm not a little kid. So, I decided that Renee can't hurt me anymore. She doesn't matter enough to hurt me, so I refuse to let her. Now, if you don't mind, I want to shower and get rid of this hangover. You and Jasper can decide what we're going to do to fill our time for the rest of the day."
I rifle through the duffle that Charlie brought for me. I crack a ridiculously huge, giddy grin, when I see one of the t-shirts he selected: Don't take life so seriously. It isn't permanent. Oh my fucking god, it is perfect. Perhaps the universe has a sense of humor after all.
When I get out of the shower, there are four faces that turn and stare at me: Jake, Alice, Jasper, and Edward. "What?!" is all I can manage to say to them.
Alice is the first to speak up. "We were just trying to figure out what to do to kill time while waiting for the rain to let up."
"Have you come up with any good ideas?"
"Playing cards."
"That sounds like fun, actually. Will it be all of us?"
Jasper clears his throat. "Well, the more the merrier, right?"
"Right."
"So, where to, peeps?"
Before anyone can answer that, it occurs to me that I have seen neither Rosalie nor Emmett since the rain started.
"Hey guys, where the hell are Rosalie and Em hiding? I wonder if they'd like to play cards with us."
"Umm, they've been in Rosalie's cabin," Edward answers, delicately. Both Jasper and Alice make puking noises.
On that note, all five of us are braving the elements again, running over to Jasper's cabin. Although this was a scene of much unpleasantness less than 24 hours ago, Jasper's comments about Edward are still fresh in my mind. I decide to pull on my big girl panties and deal with it. I can be civil. Civil is acceptable.
Alice stops us all en route. "Hey, wait a minute guys! If we're playing cards, we're going to require boatloads of alcohol to go with it, right? Should we run to the Lonesome Creek grocery store to stock up?"
After a quick team vote, we all switch direction and head for the store. When we get there, we find out that we aren't the only ones with this clever idea; the store is full of familiar faces, all seeking the same thing—booze. We grab as many of the essentials as we can. For me, that always has to include strawberry Twizzlers. None of that red vine licorice crap that some people eat. We're out of there and over to Jasper's in no time.
The first argument comes when we decide what game to play. Most of the guys want to play poker, or Texas Hold 'Em, which I have no idea how to play, and neither does Alice. Charlie has always loved playing cards, and while he plays poker games all the time, my favorite card game of all is Hearts. We played it with Jake and Billy all the time when I was growing up. I haven't played it for years, but it is fun and lasts a long time, so I suggest it.
To my surprise, the first one to light up at my idea is Edward himself. Everyone else agrees readily, so Jasper runs to find his pack of cards. When he comes back, he gives us all a warning.
"Edward Cullen is a highly competitive card fiend. I recommend that everyone watch him very closely. He may be quiet, but that is his ace in the hole."
Edward replies with mock indignation. "Jasper Whitlock, you're just jealous that you don't have any card smarts and have yet to win a game against me!"
Alice is the first to deal. With her tiny hands, she keeps fumbling as she deals, and we're all passing around the short jokes by the time she finishes. She is not amused at our most excellent use of humor.
We are arranged in a circle on the floor. I have Edward on my left and Jake on my right. Alice is next to Jake, and Jasper is next to Edward. For the first round, we remove three cards from our pile and pass them to the person on our left. The idea, of course, is to give them the worst cards in your hand. I have two high hearts, the jack and the queen. I also have a high clubs, which is the first hand we lead off with, so I include the 10 of clubs in my gift pack to Edward. I smirk to myself at my insidious sneakery. Cullen looks over at me and smirks back. He knows which way is up. Jake nudges me when he passes me his cards. It's about what I gave to Edward, so I'm kind of at the same level where I started.
Jasper leads off the game, because he has the two of clubs. We all play our clubs, and Edward has to pull out his 10 of clubs that I gave him. I giggle, and he looks at me with the evil eye.
"Swan, acting all cavalier in this game will earn you enemies, you know. It isn't the type of game where you want to create enemies. That is, if you intend to win."
"Oh, game on Cullen. You're just pissy because I gave you some bad cards. It isn't as bad as it could have been, I assure you."
Because Edward had the high card, he ends up taking the pile of cards and the kitty. As he reviews the cards that were in the kitty, his face is completely neutral and stoic. I should have known his poker face is impeccable. That's going to make my plan for world dominance more challenging than I expected, but still possible. I'm going to have to be extra sneaky with Cullen next to me.
Edward leads the next hand, since he lost the opening round. We continue playing out all the cards, and Jasper turns out to be the big loser. Edward's only hearts came as a result of the ones I gave him, even though he had the kitty cards.
Of course, leave it to Edward Cullen to try to Shoot the Moon half way into the game. And fucking succeed. He is such a sly devil that we didn't even see it coming. While I would never bet against Alice, I would never trust Cullen at cards. He just slid in there, at the end of the round, and shot us all to hell. Sneaky little fucker.
We continue playing hands, and drinking while playing, and towards the end of the game, we're starting to get downright silly, although Edward keeps vacillating between silly and serious. He just can't let go completely.
"By the way, Cullen, did you not get the memo this morning that you aren't supposed to take life so seriously?"
"Oh yeah, I forgot to read the message on your shirt to know how approachable you are. Apparently, I must not be that bad, or you wouldn't have found your way sitting next to me." The fucker just gives me his signature, cocky smirk. It never fails to go straight to my girlie parts.
All of a sudden, Alice stands up, her cards fly all over the place, and her hands rest on her hips. "You, Smirky!" she says, pointing at Edward. "Wipe that grin off your face and leave Bella alone!" I start giggling at the thought of tiny little Alice scolding Edward, who is nearly at her eye level, even though he is still sitting and she is standing in front of him.
"Hey, Snarky! You can stop with all your smartass schtick, too. I'm sick and tired of you two bantering with each other. Either calm down and leave each other alone, or go fuck each other and get it over with!"
Everyone in the card game has a look of bewilderment on their faces. Jasper promptly gets up to chase after Alice.
Edward looks directly at me. "You have to admit, the nicknames do fit us. Alice is a clever little thing when she puts her mind to it."
I am still the shade of cranberries, my blush having started the minute Alice muttered the words "…fuck each other."
"Yeah, she is a nimble little minx when she wants to be. It's kind of like Bono and the Edge. Bono is so quick to answer in an interview that the Edge never gets a chance; when you actually hear him say something, it is usually profound and interesting. I'm usually so busy snarking off at everything, Alice can't get a word in edgewise."
"Just for the record, I'm not out to fuck you."
Suddenly, Jake makes his presence known. "Ew, can we please not talk about my childhood friend having sex? That is just wrong on so many levels. Dude, Bella is almost family, and that just borders on incest. I can't go there."
"No one said you had to stay, Jake." I give him a warning look.
"Look, just duke it out and get it out of your system. I'm done with this game."
I have no idea where Alice and Jasper went, but the fact that they didn't come back makes me think they are making up somewhere. More like making out somewhere, but still. It's all the same thing for those two.
I turn and look into Edward Cullen's eyes. They are more intense than usual. We're stuck staring at each other, kind of like a live feed that gets all wonky. I keep waiting for the feed to update, but it doesn't.
Without even thinking, I grab Edward's shirt and pull him to my lips. There is nothing delicate in my approach. It is all raw and passion and need. By this point, I'm listening to the Borg. I recognize that resistance to Edward is futile.
For the record, Edward Cullen, you may not be out to fuck me, but you sure as hell are not resisting my advances, either.
Oh my fucking god, his lips are like liquid sex. If he could bottle that shit, he'd be even richer than he already is. Want. More. Cullen.
My thoughts are interrupted by a moan that escapes Edward's throat. I've never heard anything that sexy before in my life. I scramble up to my knees in front of him, still clinging onto his shirt. As I'm rearranging myself to get the maximum amount of Edward near me, I feel his tongue brush against my lip and I gasp. Yes, I motherfucking gasped. I'm such a freaking amateur it isn't funny. I feel his smirk blossom on my mouth.
I pull back from his face and say, "What?!"
Smirky is still present. "Nothing. I was just thinking, 'she doth protest too much.'"
Oh no you di'n't! Snarky comes back to play. "Yeah, well, you weren't protesting at all. Don't think I didn't hear that moan. You act all high-handed, but you liked it just as much as I did."
I see his spine stiffen, and Edward the Asshat has returned. "It was just a kiss, not a marriage proposal. Don't get carried away, Bella."
Oh fuck no. You did NOT just say that.
I look down at Cullen-Sullen's crotch, and notice that someone has come back up to say hello. In a move that is probably one of the most colossal mistakes in the history of man, I take my pointer finger and poke it right into his gloriously hard peen. As I look at his crotch, I get sidetracked for a minute. I find myself wondering what it looks like when it really comes out to play. I find myself wanting to see what it looks like when it comes out to play. And then I regain my senses.
"Looks like I'm not the only one getting carried away, Cullen. Unless that massive hard on is intended for Jacob Black. I'd be happy to call him back in here, if you like." Don't fuck with Bella Swan, Smirky. Snarky can be one nasty beyotch.
"You are the most frustrating woman in Christendom! You kissed me, remember?"
"Oh yes, I remember. Just don't plan on a repeat anytime in the next century. Your poor dick will just have to wonder what it's like to be in me, because it's never going to happen."
The look of shock on his face: Priceless.
*********************
EPOV
Bella Swan will be the death of me. Why do I feel like I utter that phrase a thousand times a day? The woman is going to drive me to drink, I swear. Oh, wait a minute. I AM drinking. Fuck, this is worse than I thought.
Why do I go from having a blast with the most unique woman on the planet to feeling utter despair in a span of 30 seconds? Why do I care about her anyhow? Why does my cock stir whenever I even hear her fucking voice?
When Bella turned and gave me that ninja kiss, quick, stealthy, and deadly, I was shocked. It was the last thing I expected, especially after Alice's blanket statement that we needed to fuck each other. Of course, I've been rock hard from the moment I heard the words "…fuck each other." Because, try as I might to deny it, I have to finally admit to myself that I do, I truly, truly do, want to fuck Bella Swan senseless. Every time I see her, it's all I can think about. No matter what she says about my not fucking her, she's full of shit. Even if it is the last thing that I ever do, I will fuck Bella Swan. That will become my life's work.
When she went ninja on me earlier, it was the most surprising, and the most amazing, kiss I've ever experienced. It was almost like she was the socket and I was the cord, and when we plug into each other—ZING!—electricity. Magic. A once in a lifetime connection. All I want to do was pull her into my lap and never let her go. And dammit, I know she feels the same way, so why is she so intent on misunderstanding me? Can't she see what a struggle it is for someone like me to connect with someone like her? It isn't as simple as a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking her to love him. I wish she could understand that much.
I need my piano. That's the only thing I can think of besides Bella Swan. I know there is a piano in the main lodge of the resort, and make it my job to hunt it down. Bella is still sitting in front of the cards, looking confused as I make my way to leave. While I'm en route to the lodge, I text Jasper that I'm going to find a piano. He knows that that means.
Whenever my mood is down, or I have something I need to work through, my piano is my instrument of release. Sitting at the keyboard is such a soothing action to me, it works out my tension and my angst in a way nothing else is able. Some guys play racquetball; I play the piano.
The lodge piano is, to be honest, a piece of crap. It is out of tune and impossible to play. That hardly matters, it is the action of playing, not the type of piano, that matters most right now. Within minutes, I'm concentrating on the music, and everything else in the universe goes away. Bella Swan and her wily, bewitching ways; torrential rain; filming delays. It all melts away for a few moments while I'm absorbed in the music. Just what I need.
***************************
BPOV
Edward just walked out and away from me after our kiss.
OMG—I just poked Edward's peen a minute ago. What the hell was I thinking?
How can a guy like that be so much fun one minute, then come up with the biggest piece of asshattery a split second later? I don't think I will ever understand that man. He accuses me of misunderstanding him all the time, when he is simply being mean to me.
I felt pretty proud of myself with my "you'll never fuck me" comment, but in retrospect, I'm feeling empty. I don't know what kind of mindfuck Edward Cullen is selling, but it is making all my responses confused. I've turned into a complete Emochick; I can't believe I'm getting so emotional about Edward's feelings. That just isn't like me, at all. I can't make sense of any of it.
I'm not exactly sure why, but I find myself following Edward when he abruptly leaves. He has his phone out, and I can see him texting away, so he doesn't even notice that I'm behind him. I watch as he goes into the lodge. By the time I reach the lobby, I just barely make out his form turning around a corner. I follow along, and hear a Chopin Mazurka playing in the background. That's got to be him.
I enter the room where the music is floating out from, to see Edward seated at an out of tune upright piano. From the way the piano is positioned in the room, he can't really see me, but I can see part of his profile. Even with the poor quality of the piano, the mazurka he plays is stunning. His lips are pursed in concentration, his torso sways slightly as he leans in and out from the keyboard. If I thought his fingers were elegant when I shamefully watched them in slo-mo on my DVD, that's nothing in comparison to watching them drift gracefully over the piano's keys. You can tell he really knows what he's doing, because he holds his wrists still and steady, only moving his fingers along the keys. With his long fingers, you can tell he was born to play the piano. While I hate spiders, his fingers work the keys with ease, invoking the image of a spider delicately moving across her web. Who the fuck knew that Edward's fingers could inspire me to appreciate spiders?
In this moment, with him quiet and focused on the music, there is another side to Edward Cullen that I become aware of. While he is serious and determined, I can also see a soulful side to him. Someone who creates such beauty in music and film simply cannot be a bad person; it just doesn't fit. Maybe I have been too hard on him.
As I watch his fingers obsessively, I picture myself in place of the keyboard. I imagine the things Edward Cullen could do with those fingers, moving gracefully along my skin. Suddenly, this vision creates a brilliant inspiration—Edward eating one of Bella's Buns and licking his sticky fingers clean. And me watching him lick his sticky fingers clean. Perhaps even me helping him lick his sticky finger clean. I simply cannot help myself; this wickedly beautiful man drives the horny virgin to the forefront every time I see him. There is no use denying it any longer.
I turn on my heels and run back to my truck in the pouring rain. I have a stash of buns hidden there, in the cart, and quickly grab one. I run back to the lodge, before I have a chance to chicken out when I actually think this thing through. As I bound into the room where Edward is still playing the piano, I realize that I am loud and panting and look like the dorkasaurus that I am. Holding a Bella's Bun. And grinning like the Cheshire Cat. I slowly walk over to him, with my hand stretched out in front of me, like I am giving him an offering. In all honesty, I do feel like I should be thanking the gods for creating this beautiful man for me to ogle, even if he is an asshole. He is the most beautiful asshole I will ever know.
Edward looks into my eyes, confused. When I reach the piano, I take a deep breath to steady myself before I say anything.
"Edward Cullen, I'm sorry if I misunderstand you all the time. I really don't mean to. Here is one of my buns. I'm giving it to you, so you can tell the world you've had your hands all over my buns. I want to watch you lick your sticky fingers, and know that it is my buns that made them sticky. You make me want to lick your sticky fingers. And, to be completely honest, I want your hands all over my buns."
This time it is Edward's turn to kiss me. He stands up very deliberately, takes the bun from me and sets it on the piano, then puts his hands on my cheeks and draws me in for a very, very deep kiss. If I thought the first kiss was magic, I was wrong. Our first kiss is more like a third grade magic show. This kiss, wow, this kiss is the fucking Sorcerer's Apprentice creating a flood of water that can never be stopped. It certainly leaves me wet enough to be considered an extra in that portion of Fantasia.
Edward breaks the kiss and whispers into my ear, "You fucking mesmerize my very soul, Bella Swan, did you know that?"
Of course, the fucking blush makes an appearance. His breath in my ear makes me shiver with antici-pation, just like Dr. Frankenfurter in Rocky Horror. I turn my head back to get me some more of that divine kiss. That's my answer to Edward's question. I'm so far gone, I can't even think straight when he is in my presence.
The next interruption I hear isn't Edward's lovely, silky voice caressing my ear. No, it is something all together different, and entirely unpleasant. The opposite of Edward's lovely voice.
"BABY GIRL!! I'M SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU!!"
Fuck my life. Renee.
I look Edward square in the eyes and mouth the word sorry. I turn around to see the woman who gave birth to me. The woman is now in her mid-40s, and life hasn't been kind to her. Well, to be honest, she hasn't been kind to anyone, and it has caught up with her. John Lennon, thank you for the term instant karma. Renee, it appears, has faced mucho instant karma. The sad thing is, she is trying so hard not to look like she is in her mid-40s. She has, rather unsuccessfully, attempted to make her dark brown hair a shade of peroxide blonde. She is wearing hip hugger jeans and a shirt that allows a sliver of her abdomen to show. Someone really needs to tell her that muffin tops and hip huggers do not mix well together. It isn't that she has a bad figure, it's just that things are starting to sag in a southerly direction, and not in a good way. They make mom jeans for a reason.
Renee has dark circles under her eyes, like she hasn't slept in a long time. Her eyeliner is smudged under her eyes, as is her mascara. I can see that she must have been attractive once, but now she just looks like some old skank who is trying way too hard. I didn't even notice she was with someone else until James peeks around from behind her. He has been holding her hand, and lets it go once he is standing by her side. WTF? He's actually looking like he's a little smitten with her, and I feel like I may need to throw up in my mouth.
"Renee. I heard you were coming to town. Wow. It's been what, five years? Six? Since I saw you last time. What do you need now?"
She runs over to me, all giddy that I've acknowledged her presence. She tries to hug me, but I feel myself involuntarily tense my entire body at her touch. For some reason, she just doesn't understand I cringe at the thought of her touch; you think she might have clued in to that by now.
"Baby Girl, what makes you think I need anything besides seeing you? I just want to see how much you've grown. Look at how beautiful you are! Are you going to introduce me to this handsome young man you were just kissing? Is he your boyfriend? Come on girlfriend, dish!"
I roll my eyes at her openly. "Renee, this is Edward Cullen. Edward, this is Renee Higginbotham. There, done. Now you can leave."
"What kind of nonsense is this, Baby Girl? I just got here! Let's go get some food and drink ourselves silly so we can catch up."
"Renee, Edward Cullen is a very, very busy man. He doesn't have any spare time in his schedule to hang out with you, as much as I am sure he would like to. I also find it interesting that your nickname for me is Baby Girl, since that's how old I was when you left Charlie and me. As far as I'm concerned, this is about as caught up as I would like to be with you. I have nothing more to say."
I turned around and walked out the room, surprised to find Edward following me.
"Your mother was with James Masen."
"She isn't my mother. I don't have a mother."
"I don't like seeing them together."
"I don't like seeing her at all. What is it that you have against James, anyhow? He seems like a pretty decent guy. It isn't his fault that you Aunt duped him into his golden handcuffs."
Edward stops in the middle of the parking lot, rain pouring all over us. He grabs my shoulder to stop me, and I see his face is red and his hands are shaking.
"Is that what he told you? That he was forced into this agreement with us? Yeah, that's all really convenient for him. Never mind the fact that he broke my cousin's heart and her soul. All he ever cared about was getting his hands on some of the Masen money he felt he was entitled to, but never had, because his family is too distantly related to be part of the family wealth. He used my cousin for money, and discarded her the moment she was no longer of use to him. Never mind that he is a good for nothing lazy ass who wouldn't be permitted to work on any other set because of his ridiculously poor work ethic. I'm sure he cried you a river, Ms. Swan, and you bought it hook, line and sinker, just because he is a pretty face with polite manners. While I may frustrate you because I tend to be rather frank, all he has to do is give you a beautiful smile and charming story, and you're all over him. It's pathetic."
"What the hell is up your ass? First of all, I was just face to face with the woman who gave birth to me, who I haven't seen for six years, who left me when I was a baby. That's kind of a traumatic experience, and that's where my thoughts are right now. Second, yes, James gave me a story this morning, but I'm also smart enough to know that there are two sides to every story. I was assuming that eventually your side would come out as well, so I was reserving any judgments until I heard more. Unlike you, I don't tend to write people off the second I meet them if they rub me the wrong way. And third, if this James character is as bad as you say he is, then it is no surprise to me that Renee has already latched onto him. That right there is enough to make me suspect he is up to no good. I wish I could have chosen my own mother; I wish my mom could be as wonderful as Esme. But she isn't, Edward, and I've had to deal with this shit my entire life. I'm sorry you hate James, I'm sorry that he ruined your cousin's life. But right now, my immediate problem is getting the hell away from Renee before she can do any more damage."
With that, I turned once again towards Jasper's cabin and made my way across the parking lot alone to get to my Alice, the one person in the world who can make everything right again.
A/N: Alice's nicknames for Bella and Edward, Snarky and Smirky, belong to HaleWhitlock. She is the genius behind their creation, so I can't take credit for it, although I'd like to. Bella's Buns/sticky fingers belongs to Heelstominivan. Edward piano finger pr0n goes out to NaughtySparkle and ManiacalMuse, just 'cos they're into that kinda thing (but I'm not) ;).