Chapter Three: Freedom
JPOV
So she invited me--big deal.
So she challenged me--why did that make me want to go?
It was so wrong!
The entire week passed and I only saw her truck on campus once. That still amazed me. She could barely weigh ninety pounds, but she drove a truck that big. She managed to make it look graceful even.
So Emmett had over heard her threat to ask him instead. She never did.
And then there was Rose and Esme. They both wanted to go shopping, but they wanted me to go hang out with Alice for whatever reason. Carlisle had no objections; he never said it out loud, but I could tell he wanted us to go.
We had all been cooped up in the house for the whole day for a week, leaving only the night for classes. We were all getting agitated with each other, even I could use a day away from the house and with other people.
But why did she have to be the one to give the invitation?
She was too good, too beautiful, too perfect.
She smelled so wonderful, and it should not have been tempting. A strange mixture of wild flower meadows, vanilla, and rain.
She fascinated me, but the temptation brought my greatest fear into reality.
"What could it hurt?" Emmett asked from the couch where he was watching television. "Besides, we haven't done anything all week."
I rolled my eyes without looking up from my textbook. It was almost eight in the morning on Saturday. The weekend would be even more boring if we didn't find something to do--wrestling matches with Emmett were soon getting old. He usually won, then he just bragged about it until Edward and I stopped responding. We had to find something else to do after the matches were over.
"It's supposed to rain all day," Esme announced with a smile. "You should take advantage of it while you can."
She was right, but going on a shopping trip with Alice Brecht...
Well, maybe I was being paranoid.
I'd only been on the diet for six months and this was the first time we were out in society. I'd robbed my family of enough without ruining everything.
Out of everyone, Alice was the person who least deserved to die. She was just like a child.
"It wouldn't hurt," Edward said, but he was always anxious to dote on his new wife MaRai.
Carlisle glanced at me. He wanted my answer, which was obvious. I was the only one who really talked to Alice; she offered me the invitation specifically. Naturally, he thought it was my right to decide. However, all the family knew about it, they also knew that they were welcome to go, regardless of whether or not I went. They could go shopping without Alice too.
Alice. Why did I keep calling her Alice when she told me her nickname was Lace? I couldn't quite make the connection between the two names, but the fact that she told me it was proof she went by it regularly. I liked Alice, but calling her it over and over wasn't subtle. She would notice after one slip--she was too observant. She would be the first to notice all the things we did to try and blend in.
"If we're gong, shouldn't we leave already?" Rosalie asked. "You said nine, right? Forty minute drive."
I slammed by mood shut in annoyance. They were trying to get an answer out of me. Truly I didn't think I was ready to change the life I'd lived in for so long, for a hundred and fifty years. It was a hard habit to break. They were ready to get back to their normal lives in a city with almost no sun or night classes like now. I'd deprived them of that long enough.
We were supposed to act human. No grocery shopping, no appliances bought, nothing. We had to do one human thing for the week, right?
"Fine," I said through my clenched teeth. It really pissed me off that they could control me that way. It wasn't just them either! It was this beautiful girl named Alice, a heart like Secretariat, the race horse. She seemed to love so much and it wasn't even hesitant. She always had the just right thing to say, which I never understood and we had only spoken for minutes alone.
I threw Edward the keys to his Volvo and we headed towards the garage together. Rosalie, Esme, MaRai, and Carlisle stayed behind to do some shopping of their own later, so the three of us boys went alone with Edward driving. The drive flew by--it hardly existed.
Alice's truck was already there. Of course she was the first to arrive. She laid sideways in the back of her truck with the door open and her heels kicked up into the air as she rolled onto her stomach.
Edward parked in front of her and I saw both back doors were open. She was talking to a boy with curly black hair. Smiling, like always. Did she ever stop?
Not that I had any complaints. I loved her stunning smile. Friendly, pleasant, and it drew people in, even me. I should have been more prepared.
She sat up with a forced groan that made me smile. "Hey!" she called, waving. "You came."
"We forced him," Emmett said.
I glared at him, but Alice didn't seem to mind. She reached out to shake Edward's hand and introduced herself. She had excellent social skills. She worked her way through the crowd of people that continued to arrive. It must have been thirty people, but Alice was so relaxed. Definitely a party goer! She enjoyed herself though. I was intrigued by her manners with everyone, even with the strangers her friends brought.
"Okay, who's riding with me?" Alice called. "I can fit five if you don't mind squeezing four people in the back." Car pooling did seem like a good idea because there was at least twenty cars around.
I smiled. On her face showed that she did this a lot. She arranged quite a few parties, shopping trips, etc. She was the exact opposite of me. She loved society; I was afraid of it. That was the life she deserved; I refused to be the one to ruin her overly-normal life.
"I'm with the girl with good music," the dark haired boy announced.
"Nice, Shelton, use me for my music," Alice muttered, still smiling.
Shelton grinned and he was joined by a couple in the back seat. Alice--Lace looked to me then and smiled, showing a question in her eyes. SHe shrugged. "It's good to get away from your dear brothers," she pointed out after clearly observing how they were hovering over my shoulder.
I cocked my head at her, trying not go grin. She did have a point.
"Thanks," I said, and climbed into the passenger's seat. Her truck was expensive. Black on black leather with a good GPS system, which was useful for being in another sate. She must have came from money or had it.
She climbed up. It was strange to me. Her seat was pushed forward too far for me, but then she was tiny.
She yanked her car into reverse and backed out easily. SHe was accustomed to the size of the truck, but upon getting on the highway, she needed to change lanes. "Somebody who can see, check my blind spot," she joked, laughing, but she was already moving.
So she was aware of the dangers of her massive truck...
"I need coffee," Alice--Lace announced.
"Oh, me too!" Shelton replied. They had a good bond, almost like siblings. They had a better relationship than I did with my new siblings though. "Like the strawberry, chai frap we made."
"Ew! That was so gross!" Lace exclaimed. "I thought I was going to throw up. That's how gross it was."
"We still drank it all."
Alice rolled her eyes. "Jasper, Shelton, Tennille, and her boyfriend Taylor," she introduced. She had good manners. It amazed me. Her skills with society included trying to befriend someone like me. She was too nice, and far too polite, too patient, etc. And she continued to surprise me, no matter what the situation was.
She plugged her iPod into her stereo, then turned on Fall Out Boy. She behaved a lot like a California girl. Free, completely free. With the windows rolled down, despite the sprinkling, and the music turned up, she drove far over the speed limit wherever there was space to. She could laugh about everything because it seemed she had no problems to worry about.
She seemed like someone who never had any questions in life, like she already had all the answers. But that was impossible, which I knew, so why was she hiding it from me? Well, from everyone. I never saw her with a second of sadness on her face for herself. She mourned when others did. It was too strange not to be observed. She knew what to do, what to say, how to say it, and why. She was good at reading people, especially me. Strange, yet nice. I didn't have to tell her what was on my mind or what would happen next. She guessed.
"So coffee first?" Alice inquired. "I'll buy to speed things up."
"Fine, fine," Tennille muttered in annoyance. She obviously wanted to spend time with Taylor more than she wanted coffee, but Alice turned off the highway to get some Starbucks, which I declined. I couldn't drink it, though she had no idea of that. She couldn't possibly know, even if she could read me. To the eyes of humans, we were the same as them. We had minds, hearts, even if ours didn't beat as theirs did. We had no soul though, and my throat was inflamed with her presence. Even that was beautiful about her.
"Where you from?" Lace asked me, switching on her windshield wipers. The clouds were heavy and dark, and the rain was getting harder.
"Texas originally, but I spend the last few years in Alaska and Washington," I answered. Now she went into details and routes of my life? It was strange to me. She did so many things in her own unique way.
"Ah, I love Texas! My mom and uncle was raised there most of his life, so every year, my uncle, my brother, and I would drive to Midland for Christmas," she told me, a few glances at me and then she kept her eyes on the road.
"Your uncle?" I repeated.
Lace nodded, closing her eyes in what appeared to be frustration. I immediately saw my question was a mistake. I would have apologized, but she looked over at me and showed she didn't care. "No. Don't worry," she instructed with a smile. "My uncle raised me." She sounded casual. I saw how Shelton exchanged a glance with her. He knew the full story, which meant she opened up to him. I never thought she would do that.
Coffee, and then we drove around the shopping center to get to the main entrance. Emmett and Edward were waiting. They already knew I'd survived with Lace's sweet taste in my mouth. Edward could hear my thoughts, so he knew that I was tempted, but what was temptation compared to her sweet smile?
She consistently saved me with a few grins, and it made me forget about the ache for her flesh.
I jumped out of the truck easily, despite it's size. Lace paused to grab her purse, turn down the music, then turn off her engine, and she took no more time than needed, no less. Everything she did was so human, including how she responded to the way Shelton looked at her. She didn't ignore it. The thing that bothered me that I felt glad she didn't show signs of mutual feelings when he attempted to make a move. Alice grabbed Tennille's hand and dragged her towards the entrance, Tennille pulling Taylor along behind her.
Something told me Lace liked to play matchmaker.
I didn't have to read minds to know she was constantly aware of her friends and their lives.
So she had ways to learn about things? No one would be able to hand her the answer if she asked about me. It wasn't that simple, but I wished it was for Alice.
She deserved to know the truth. I had no right to refuse to tell her. To me, being like this and trying to lead a normal life only complicated everything. I could never have a normal life because I wasn't normal. I could pretend, act, lie all I wanted or decided to, but I was still the same creature with the same thirst and the same past.
No one could undo the past.
In times like this, I wished the past never existed.
But if there wasn't a past, how could there be a present or a future?
Well, when you're like this, there was a past, present, and future; none of that mattered. We were immune to all change, therefore most of us were immune to true love and emotion. Few found mates as soon as Emmett and Rosalie, Esme and Carlisle, Edward and MaRai. It wasn't so simple as falling in love.
We were predators. We had to love our own kind or not love at all.
How could I love something I hated myself?
After so long, humans were the most beautiful things on earth. They were my prey up until six months ago. They were still in danger, even someone like Alice who showed fear in nothing.
I smiled when she took a dare to run up the escalator that went down while Taylor ran down the escalator that went up. Whoever reached their destination first paid the other twenty bucks. When Taylor got ahead, Alice only squeaked out "No fair! I'm in heels!" and kept running.
I will say that Taylor had quite the advantage. He was taller and could take the steps three at a time while Alice could only take two at a time. She wore four inch heels too! She gave him a good race that was amusing to watch. She never stopped smiling, which completely amazed me. She was graceful even as she paid up. She didn't try to argue her way out or slam the money into his palm as Emmett would have.
"Don't we love our pixie?" one boy inquired as we went up the escalators the right way.
Alice glowered at him in a cute, accusing way. "hey! You don't even know what a pixie is, Hulk," she snapped.
"Someone who is ridiculously short?" Shelton suggested. "Like you."
Alice smacked his arm. "No! It's like a fairy." She cleared her throat awkwardly and I could already guess the general idea of what she was about to say. "Or Elfn creature."
The entire group burst into laughter. Emmett laughed harder than anyone, but I strongly believed Alice could have taken my huge brother if necessary. She was tough! Both physically and emotionally. She could have given Emmett a good fight if he was only allowed to use human tactics. She was athletic, capable, even ornery at times.
I saw her slip Taylor's wallet out of his pocket when he was talking to Tennille about a CD and Alice retrieved her twenty dollars. No one else would have noticed because they weren't watching her and she did it quickly. She handed Taylor back his wallet with only a grin, then slipped away to look at books.
I followed, listening to Taylor search his wallet for anything that was missing. "Do you always pit pocket in such obvious ways?" I wondered out loud, folding my arms.
Alice laughed, only glancing up for a moment. "It's better that way. He'll figure it out eventually, put me in a headlock until I give it back," she replied, but I couldn't tell if she was joking or not. She picked up a book and began scanning the first few pages. "Besides, he did have an unfair advantage."
"You could have taken off the shoes," I said.
"True, true, but then I would have had no excuse if I lost, except my height--or lack thereof. I wouldn't want to open the door to jokes."
I nodded in understanding. She had such a unique way of speaking and thinking. Everything was like a song to her, and her soprano voice sung it cheerfully.
"How'd you catch me?" she asked.
"Trying to perfect your gift?" I pressed. She laughed again. "I suppose I was watching you rather carefully."
"Oh, wow! Someone so young being so honest is rare," she commented, meeting my eyes. She looked distant for a moment alone. She opened her mouth to speak, but Taylor stomped over to demand his money back.
I cringed at the way the swift movement burned my throat. And just when Alice was beginning to make me forget. Alice saw it, but said nothing. I sighed, refusing to let her see the creature inside me. "Is it like this for you?" I asked Edward and Emmett, walking over to look at movies with them. They always seemed so capable of controlling their thirst. That was humiliating as well as frustrating for me.
They were younger than I was, but they were capable of blending in to some point. They didn't stiffen every time someone breathed or walked past.
Edward nodded. "You'll adjust to the scents soon," he said comfortingly, but it hardly mattered.
Alice's laugh helped me more than any of my new family's hopeless attempt to ease my worries. I turned to see her laugh at Taylor counting, then recounting the money she had just returned. I envied her freedom.