Learning To Love
I didn't want to let him go! We had been spending so much time together, that it was hard to let him go, whenever he dropped me at my Aunt Leah's house. Since we started dating, my heart had chained itself to his. I couldn't let him go. I was falling hard for his kindness and his love. His arms were my sanctuary; my heaven. He had the power to lift the curtain of pain that had wrapped itself around my heart. It was indescribable and honestly, it scared me. I wanted to love him. I had grown to care for him. I swear, in the last three months, he'd become everything important in my life. I was smiling and it wasn't a pretentious smile. It was an honest smile. It was the kinda smile that reflected the joy that was slowly growing within my heart.
It was all thanks to him; Embry brought out the best in me. I wasn't hiding behind a masked, forced smile any longer. I was content. I had accepted my place in the world. I had found where I belonged. I couldn't believe that happiness could be found away from my mother, my universe or my father, my sun.
I didn't hurt when I thought of them, anymore. I had my parents love, their forgiveness and in a way, they had given me their blessing to find love in Embry's arms. Now, Papa Jacob was something different. He was still opposed of Embry and I dating. He said that I was still too young and that I needed to finish college, before I started a relationship with him. I really couldn't understand, why he was being so possessive. But he was my grandfather and I loved him dearly. I tried hard to keep everyone happy, but I just couldn't bring myself to be away from Embry Call. I would laugh, because my grandfather was more overprotective of me than my own father. I felt loved and in a way, I was beginning to love myself.
My mother wanted me to move in with them, but I still couldn't bring myself to live in the same house as Addivani and Ruben. I still needed more time to venture on my own; to live my own life. I needed to accept that I was no longer their moon. I was Embry's by destiny's right, but not yet by heart. At least, not yet! I still didn't love, love him! I despised myself for that! I longed to love him and strip away all those obstacles that didn't let me love him with all my heart and soul, but it was impossible...
I was still broken. A broken heart takes time to heal. I was in that process. Embry's smile had the power to mend those shattered pieces together. Little by little, his love for me was giving me the strength needed to become whole again. I had found someone that made me smile. His smiles often reminded me of my father's serene smile. Seth Clearwater was and still is, the greatest man alive. I remember watching my father's devotion towards my mother and I always wished that for me and my sisters.
I wanted to believe that there was someone that would love me like that. I wanted to be someone's universe. I wanted a man that would make me his world and watch the sun rise and set in my eyes. I found him! I found Embry. He was the kind of man that would love me and protect me.
I found him when my life was dark and there wasn't a single ray of hope left in me. I was completely broken. I had run away from the people that I loved. I turned my back on my old life, with the determination of finding myself. Little did I know, that my family would be part of my healing process. I had my father with me. He accepted me and it was like nothing ever happened.
I had been in so much pain and I felt so numb. I used to hated feeling so abandoned and hopeless. My mother and father loved me, but I always thought that I wasn't as important to them as my little sisters and brother. I felt that they were constantly being pulled on every direction by their children. To me, Addivani demanded too much attention. My other sisters also wanted to feel that they were loved and appreciated. Diego was the smallest and needed more attention than the rest of us.
But then there was me; I was satisfied with just having my father smile at me. I was content with my mother's joyful smile. I didn't required so much. I just wanted to see my mother happy. I needed to see her blue eyes shine with joy. That was all that I wanted! That was all that I needed!
I held on tightly to Embry's waist; inhaling his earthy scent. I loved the security and protection of his arms provided. I pressed my body closer to his and looked up at his smiling face. Maybe that was it... I didn't believe that I deserved him. I have always thought of others' needs before mine, that I let myself go. I didn't believe that I had the right to be loved.
"I take it that you missed me!" he chuckled, kissing my forehead. I nodded and just rested my face on his chest.
"You have no idea!" I said telepathically. "I did! I missed you very much. I made dinner." I said softly, tightening my hold around his waist. "I had to fight Leah to let me come over today. She said that you can survive a day without me." I said, pulling away from him and linking our hands together.
He smiled and kissed my forehead again. That was all that he ever did; he barely kissed me. We held hands and hugged and fell asleep watching television on the weekends. He would always kiss my forehead or my cheeks. He never pressured me to do anything. He was taking his sweet time. I didn't mind it. I was relieved to know that he didn't want me in a sexual way. I wasn't prepared for that kind of intimacy, not yet. I liked the innocence of our relationship. I loved that he respected my wishes and never forced me to do something that I didn't want.
But there were times that I wanted him to kiss me and that was the reason why I would initiate most of our kisses. I love the way his lips tasted... and how they could erase the memories of how Ruben's lips felt on mine. I wanted to be completely freed of Ruben's memories, that were constantly plaguing me. I wanted to rip everything that reminded me of him out of my heart. I didn't care if I became emotionless in the process; all I wanted was to forget him. It was hard to completely forget him, since he lived in the mansion with my parents and was everywhere I went.
"I see." he said, kissing the back of my hands. "She sent the twins to watch over you, didn't she?" he asked laughing sweetly.
"She didn't! It was Daddy Jacob." I nodded, pulling him inside the house. "They have been pulling patrol around your house for about three hours. There is a vampire loose around La Push and they want to protect everyone. Max and Rome were hungry, so I fed them; I hope that you don't mind." I said sheepishly. "They ate most of the food that I made for you earlier, but I went to the store and got you some groceries. I cooked something even better for you."
"I don't mind... only because you made something 'even' better for me." he said, smiling down at me.
I loved his smile. It was the medicine to my maladies. Everything that he did, had a positive effect on me. I was slowly finding things that were making me fall in love with him. There were so many redeeming qualities that he possessed, but I still felt the need to take my time. I didn't want to rush myself into loving him with all my heart; it was going to eventually happen.
It had been three months and I was starting to feel something slowly growing inside my heart. I felt something special for him. It was adoration and appreciation, it was something deeper... but, I was still scare to venture deeper. I still mourned the loss of my first love. Every time that I saw my niece Crissy, I felt the pang of jealousy overwhelm my heart. She should've been mine! I also knew that it was impossible, Ruben made his choice and destiny took mine away from me; but I wasn't complaining. I used to believe that a person never truly forgets their first love; but when I was with Embry, I forgot my past!
"What's wrong, Moon?" he asked worriedly, stopping me in the middle of the hall. "You look so sad." he said, removing his hands from mine and cupping my face in them. "Your eyes look sad and you stopped smiling. What's wrong? Did I do or said something that offended you?" he asked concerned, leaning towards me to inspect my face.
"Nah!" I said quickly, placing my hands over his. "I was just thinking about... my life and how I want my family to be happy." I lied, smiling up at him. I hated lying to him. I know it was wrong and I was deceiving him, but I never wanted to upset him again, the way I did before.
"Have I told you that you are a terrible liar!" he said, kissing the tip of my nose. "You're so much like Seth."
"Why do you say that? I am nothing like my father. I don't like comparisons, Em." I snapped, feeling a little hurt by his words.
"Mallory," he said, pausing briefly. "I didn't say you were your father. I only said that you are so much like your father. There is a big difference. Neither of you can lie!"
I rolled my eyes and stared at the floor. "What do you mean by it?" I asked haughtily.
"OK, now you sound like Leah." he said teasingly, releasing his hands from my face and leaning against the wall.
He folded his arms across his chest and gave me a scrutinizing gaze. I felt like a little child, being reprimanded by her parents.
"Leah you say!" I said, trying to fill in the awkward silence that was slowly setting among us.
"Yes, like Leah." he said arrogantly. "You got that little Ms. Clearwater attitude going on right there!" he said, smiling mischievously, pointing at me with his index finger.
"I'm Black-Clearwater, in case you don't remember. And what attitude are you talking about? I have an attitude?" I said jokingly, walking up to him. "I have an attitude?"
I placed my hands on my hips and narrowed my eyes at him. I tried to imitate my Aunt Leah when she was snapping at the waiter of her favorite restaurant or the cashier at the gas station.
"It's the same as Leah. You got your hands on your hips, narrowed eyes and the pout on your lips." he laughed, bobbing his head. "I knew that you should've stayed in my house instead of hers. Leah Clearwater is definitely a bad influence for my precious angel."
I opened my eyes and gasped. I didn't know that he wanted me to stay with him? I knew he loved me, but I never really considered the fact that he wanted me to stay with him.
"You wanted me to stay with you? At your house?" I asked, biting the inside of my cheeks, anticipating his answer. "Here!"
He nodded, putting his arms down. "I did and I still do." he said, smiling impishly.
"But," I paused, looking down the hall. "You didn't stop me last time, when I was fussing and complaining that I didn't want to stay with my parents. I didn't want to move with Leah." I confessed, feeling my cheeks grow hotter with embarrassment.
"You didn't?" he asked, placing his finger under my chin to force me to look at him. "Then why did you leave? I mean, why you moved with her?" he asked softly
"I thought it was what you wanted, Embry." I said shyly, holding my arm bashfully. "I thought that you... wanted... to be alone."
He took a step forward and placed his hands on my shoulders. "I wanted you to stay with me. I like seeing your beautiful green eyes everyday of the week." he smiled.
"Why didn't you stop me?" I said timidly. I still found it hard to tell him how I felt and what I wanted, but I was slowly learning.
"I thought that's what you wanted." he said, bringing his long arms around my shoulders. "You need to tell me what you want, Moon." he said, pressing me closer to him. "I'm not a mind reader, love."
"I want to," I sighed. "I really want to, but I just can't stay here. You are single and my Jacob would burn the house if he found out that I was leaving with you." I admitted
He cocked his head to the side and smiled at me. "You need to worry less, about that old fart of your grandfather! I also, would like it if you express your thoughts and feeling, Mall! You have to start voicing your opinion. People need to know what you want or else…" he trailed off, looking down, as he took my hand in his. "Otherwise, people will misunderstand you."
I sighed in exasperation. "I know, Em. I just don't want to be mean or hurt anyone. I don't like hurting people's feelings." I said in frustration.
"Well, princess, you are going to have to start someday. You are more important." he said, kissing my cheek. "You need to start telling people what you want. If you don't you'll be missing on a lot of things."
I stared puzzled at him. I didn't understand what he meant. "What do you mean, Embry?" I asked him confused.
He cleared his throat and took my other hand and guided me towards the kitchen. He motioned me to sit on the counter.
"Sit on the counter." he commanded softly, placing his hands on my waist and effortlessly lifting me up. "Good." he muttered, turning around and walking to the fridge.
"What are you doing?" I asked him puzzled. "Why do I have to sit on the counter?" I asked him, but he wouldn't answer. He just rummaged and raided the fridge. "What are you looking for? I can help you, if you want me to!"
When he was done, he slammed the fridge door shut and had a pickle jar in his hand and on the other a Cool-Whip whip cream can and strawberries.
"OK!" I asked suspiciously. "I take it that you are trying to teach me a lesson." I said warily.
He laughed and set the pickle jar, Cool-Whip topping can and strawberries beside me.
"OK, Mallory, you say that you don't want to hurt other people's feelings, right?" he asked smugly, opening the pickle jar. I nodded and watched as he continued with his demonstration. He reached for a pickle and shook the liquid off it.
"What are you doing, Emmy?" I asked disgusted, when he started putting whip cream on the pickle.
"Imagine that I am a coworker." he said, standing closer to me. "I invite you over to my house to try my new dessert. Let's say that I came up with it the idea for an amazing dessert one night that I didn't have enough food in my fridge." he said, smiling mischievously at me.
"Imagine that I cooked a killer fajitas and carne asada. You enjoyed the main course, but when it's time for the dessert; I bombed it. I serve you a plate with three pickles covered… Nah! Not covered, but smothered in Cool-Whip cream topping. Would you eat it, trying hard to spare my feelings?" he asked playfully, bringing the smelly pickled covered with whip cream close to my lips.
I closed my mouth shut and turned my head away from the hand that had the pickle. That was so nasty and disgusting! He was laughing at me, but placed the pickled on the counter.
"Would you eat it, just to spare my feelings?" he asked again, this time more serious. "Or would you not eat it?"
I knew what he was trying to teach me. I sighed and looked down at the counter. "I would probably eat it." I admitted sadly.
"Angel, you need to learn to say no. People will walk all over you and take advantage of your peaceful nature." he said softly.
He placed his hands on my lap and sighed. "I don't want you to suffer. I want you to shine and be strong. Just promise that you…"
I clasped my hands on each side of his face and brought my face closer to his. His gray eyes opened widely, as he licked his lips.
"I know what I want Embry." I said softly.
"What is it Mallory Moon?" he asked lowly, his husky voice barely a whisper.
I stared in to his deep gray orbs and found my reflection. He was madly in love with me. I could see his thoughts in my mind as if it was a slow motion film rolling in my mind. All he saw was me, smiling at him and being happy in his company.
"I want to kiss you, Embry Call." I said boldly, bringing my lips to his and kissed him. I wanted to erase Ruben's lips, his memory; everything that reminded me of my past. I wanted Embry's love, his lips. I wanted his kisses to replace everything with his memories.
"Mallory," he whispered against my lips, as he kissed me gently. He positioned himself between my legs and continued to kiss me. It was mesmerizing the way his lips molded to mine. I could feel my heart beating fast against my ribcage, as his warm tongue glazed my bottom lip.
"I..." he muttered, biting my lip softly. "I... um,..." he said, trailing off, as I initiated another kiss. I didn't want him to say that he loved me again, not until I was be able to say it too.
Suddenly the back door to Embry's house, burst open and in came a large werewolf with russet fur. It was growling and grunting as it took a few steps back. "Jake, you fucking ruined my door!" Embry said, as he pulled away from me. "You are fucking gonna pay, asshole." he said angrily.
I laughed, in a way, my grandfather saved me from saying something that I wasn't ready to say. I did love him, I just needed to love him more. Why couldn't I imprint and get over this mess?
AN: Yes, Jake ruined the moment. Have a great day and be good to others... you never know when you'll need a caring and sweet smile to make your day.