A/N: This chapter did get a little random because I was having a few problems, lol. Sorry about that, but here it is and I hope you enjoy it!I cried writing parts of it. Poor Jasper!

Chapter Twelve: Irreversible

JPOV

Alice took my hand.

She pulled me up from the darkest depths.

She was there. To me, her presence was the best sign of a friend. She was too loyal to me. I couldn't bring myself to ask if she felt what I did. I was too scared to even mention it.

Admitting any amount of feelings for her was a bad thing.

Part of me still wanted her to run. It was the smart thing for her to do, but she was too kind.

The smart thing and the right thing weren't always the same.

Why did she consistently choose the option that put her in danger?

No, I knew the answer to that already.

She chose it to keep her conscious clear and because she could see how I wanted her to stay. I could not lie about that. Soon, she would learn that I greatly needed her by my side.

I did need her.

She smiled at me. "You're quiet," she remarked.

I nodded quickly. "I have a lot on my mind."

"You want to talk about it?"

Of course that was her question! I should have seen it coming. I was so blinded by her at times. I couldn't decide if that was a good or bad thing. She never made me forget what I was, but she made me see more options, more reasons. She made me feel like something mattered in life.

I met her eyes, seeing their vibrant blue even in the dark. She kept them t rained on me, still waiting patiently for any answer.

I sighed. "Can we go?"

Alice looked surprised, but she nodded. "If you want to," she replied.

I smiled at her willingness and took her hand again. She broke into a jog to keep up with my pace as I led her back to the car. It was a naive plan, but I wanted to be alone with her without any stares of people we would see almost daily. I wanted to be sure that I was completely strong enough. I wanted to be close to her. I wanted to hear her voice without any other needless noise.

She had agreed. I prayed neither of us would regret it. An adventure was needed, something to make her smile more. I wanted to make her laugh.

I opened her door for her and she jumped in. She was ready to follow me.

It hurt to realize how easy it would have been for me to hurt her. I could have killed her. No one would have even known then, except my family. I could not prove them right.

Nothing was going to happen!

I backed out and spun my car around at a reckless speed. I started down the road with no sure destination. Anywhere, just to be with this angel.

I glanced at her. "You hungry?" I asked, but I was already parked in front of a crowded French restaurant. We could be alone later. She had human needs; eating was one of them.

I was done lying. The truth couldn't be told, not in its entirety, but I would not lie to the most beautiful thing in my life. I would not destroy the one right thing in my life.

The truth could never be hidden forever.

I opened the door for Alice, offering her my hand. She took it without hesitation. It was one of the good things about her. She knew what she wanted and what she wanted to do. She took my hand, no shiver or sign that it was as cold as I knew it was. Her power over me was growing, yet she never tried to manipulate me.

An angel. She was there to rescue me, and she continued to do that.

I knew it was wrong, but I never wanted to move on from New Haven unless she was there.

I waited while she examined the restaurant, which was nice. The hostess smiled at me though, almost oblivious to Alice. "How can I help you?" she asked me.

Alice turned as if she sensed my anger. She put bother hands on mine. I swallowed, my jaw clenched. "Table for two, please," I replied firmly. "Something private if you can."

"All the booths are taken," she told me, sounding cold.

"A corner table will suffice," I announced, and the anger in my voice was obvious to anyone there to hear. Alice released my hand. I looked over at her, wondering if her own patience was running thin with my temper.

The hostess nodded, grabbing two menus. She gave us a corner table, closest to the bar and it smelled like cigarettes. Private, a corner... I could have objected, but Alice sat down already before I could even pull her chair back for her. She took her menu with a graceful, friendly smile.

"Thanks," I said.

"This is nice," Alice commented with a smile.

I shrugged. "I hope you like French food because there isn't any pizza here."

Alice laughed. "I eat anything. This is great, Jasper. Are you always so particular about all of this though? One thing that doesn't go my way would be fine. I don't mind if it's less than perfect."

"I do," I announced, spinning my menu around on the table. I was nervous! All the things that had happened in my life time and one date made me this nervous. "So what do you want to eat? Get anything you would like. I'll pay."

She raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Baguette and pot a feu," she answered with a perfect accent. She set her menu down as our waiter walked over.

"You're not eating?" she inquired in a worried tone.

"No. It's like a diet," I replied. It was too close to a lie for my comfort. It was a diet, but not the kind she would think I meant. I could only say that much though.

Alice nodded. "Okay... So why the diet?" she asked after our waiter took her order and left.

I cleared my throat nervously. "You know the thing that controls me? Because of it, I can't digest certain foods," I explained. Any food actually.

"So why not take me to a restaurant you can eat at?"

"You wouldn't like it. And it wouldn't be as enjoyable." Well, it was true... And it wouldn't be a restaurant, they wouldn't serve food, they wouldn't have waiters, hostesses, other patrons, etc.

Alice dug her teeth into her lip for a moment, staring into her eyes. I wanted to look away because I was so afraid that she would see what I was. I did want her to know, but not like this. She needed some warning other than the alert I'd given her before. She didn't take it completely seriously; she had reasons, yes, but I was still trying to decide how to tell her and when, and then I had to tell Carlisle at least that I would tell her. He could disagree or tell me I was wrong, that it was a mistake, but I knew it wasn't.

"Alice, I want to do my best to explain a few things to you," I began. She raised her eyebrows at me. "First, I know you won't be able to really understand any of this, but I owe you."

"No, you don't," Alice retorted.

"And how would you know?" I sounded rude.

"It's not like you've forced me to stay here and talk to you. I wanted to come, more than you could ever know."

I shook my head. "No, I still owe you."

Alice disagreed, but she didn't say it out loud.

I glowered at her, somewhat annoyed that she continued to argue silently with her eyes. Why couldn't I win one argument with her? She was too stubborn! But I was still interested. "Anyway," I said firmly, giving her a look to order her to move on. She narrowed her eyes at me, waiting. "You probably know more than you should already. I'm not human. I'm not like you. I'm not like others. Somethings are just more complex than that." I paused to let her take in that much, and then I folded my hands on the table between us. "I don't want to lie to you anymore. Never. I can't tell you the whole truth either, not yet at least. I have to talk to my family, warn them at least. I swear to you that I will tell you some day. Can you trust me on that?"

Alice leaned forward, her taste growing that much stronger in my mouth. "I already do," she whispered, and then she leaned back in her chair as our waiter returned.

I smiled at her. "I should have seen that one coming," I mumbled.

She shrugged. "You can't see the future."

I nodded thoughtfully. "I don't know what to say to you sometimes," I admitted, staring down at her food. She cut the carrots while her eyes were on my hands instead. "Alice, I want to spend time with you, learn as much as I can. I want to know you. I want you to know me also. It-it's frustrating that you tell me so much and I can't tell you anything."

"And what if I found out on my own?"

I knit my eyebrows together. "Don't. Please, don't even try. I want to tell you myself."

Alice ran a had through her thick curls, looking up at my face. I thought she would tell me she needed to know now and couldn't wait. Any normal person would have done that, but she paused and the nodded. "Okay, I won't," she promised.

Well, she had never been known as a normal person to me. She was too unique. I hated that she agreed to it while I was glad she agreed at the same time. Now I got to choose when she found out and if she found out at all. I got to decide too much in the relationship; she decided nothing, yet she didn't complain or make any requests.

She thought about others too much.

Selfless, and I was selfish.

I loathed that.

Alice smiled at me then. "Your siblings are the same... way, right?" I nodded, trying not to chuckle at how she phrased it. Way? Well, it worked at least. I understood what she meant. "And you're a family because of it?"

"Yes." A simple, honest answer. It felt good!

"Then you weren't really adopted?"

I shook my head, then shrugged. "Sort of. We are adopted, but not legally. Carlisle and Esme took us in, helped us. Carlisle is like our mentor. Esme is more the comforter and a mother for all intents and purposes too."

"How long have you lived with them?"

I looked down. She was finally asking questions and she would uncover any lies that she was told. She had every right to be angry already...

Honest answers were hard, almost as hard as the lies.

"Almost seven months," I answered. "I owe them more than I can ever pay back. They're as close as parents I'll ever have again and I do appreciate everything about what they've done for me. But..." I sighed.

"But?" she repeated.

"Well, one can only help another person so much. They're not what I need. I did need the support, but not necessarily theirs."

"Did something happen?"

I gave her a shocked look. She read me too well. I couldn't refuse to answer... "They don't agree with decisions I've made recently. They only want me to stay with them if I behave like them, accept everything the way it was and move on."

"I don't believe that," she insisted. "They do care, Jasper."

I nodded. "I know, but they disagree with me. I hate them for it. I hate that, when I've finally found something good in life, they try to take it away from me like some meaningless symbol."

"Then why do you stay?"

"For multiple reasons."

"Such as...?"

I cleared my throat. "Well, first of all, I don't really have anywhere to go. Second, I do need someone that understands to some point and they do. Carlisle especially, but he's made a good life of it," I explained. "I'm not sure that I have yet."

Alice wet her lips, then took a bite, chewed, and swallowed. "How do you not have some other place to go?"

"With my family, we're all we have. There's three couples and then me. They each complete each other and make life worth living for each other, but I'm on my own. They have reasons to only have each other. I get bored, tired, sick, and I hate this! They all try to live normal lives, but they can't see that I live the most normal life of us all. I don't know why it matters now when I've proved I can handle it. I know the reasons, but I wanted a true family. I want them to see that I can live this life; I just handle things differently."

Alice placed a hand on mine. "Jasper, you can't let them get to you like that. You can't go on in that life."

"No, I can. Rose understands part of this, even if she doesn't agree with it. They all have the right intentions. They want me to be happy, they want me to have friends, they want me to enjoy the life I've been given, but I don't have much of a choice here. It's an ultimatum for me."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I have two choices that oppose each other and there's no obvious answer. I can either have the best friend in the world in you or I can live with a great family. It's happiness or unhappiness. But the thing that makes me happy is wrong and the thing that makes me unhappy is right. Nothing makes sense to me anymore."

Alice set her fork down and met my eyes in a thoughtful way. She shook her head. "There are times when you have to be selfish about certain things. So choose to be happy."

"I can't. Not when it puts you in danger, and... I can't do that to you."

Alice could see the emotions roll across my face, then she smiled. "Let's go," she whispered.

"Go?" I repeated. "Where?"

"Go," she insisted, pulling me up off the chair quickly. She was plotting something... She tried to lead me towards the door, but I stopped to toss down two twenties, then I allowed her to pull me away. She had something up her sleeve, a plan to get me to relax, a point to make...

I was slightly afraid of what the plan was, but she seemed too happy. She would at least make me smile and I was ready for that. She would have a good time, give me the same, and she would have an actual point to her good time.

"I'll get the car."

"Nope, we're walking," Alice snapped, crouching down to remove her shoes. She couldn't walk as fast in heels. So she walked barefoot next to me. I let her squeeze my hand without any reaction to the warm touch.

We broke into a jog together. It still felt slow to me. I was used to running at all speeds. Anything for Alice.

We ran two blocks together, hand in hand. I let her go ahead of me though. She was in control of the night and got to decide what we were going to do that night.

I would have followed her anywhere in the world, and she took me to a playground.

To be honest, I had no idea what to do or what she was thinking.

She released my hand, walked several more steps, then turned to me. She was smiling. She held out her hand for me. I was over to her in two steps and enclosed her hand in my own. She took the last steps forward so she was only inches away from my frame. She looked up at me; I could never understand the things I saw in her. They were something that could not be understood, and I did understand that much. They didn't make sense, and so I trusted them; I trusted Alice.

She took the last step so she was only inches away from my frame. She looked up at me; I never understood the things I saw in her. They were something that could not be understood, and I did understand that much. They didn't make sense, and so I trusted them, and I trusted Alice.

She laughed joyously, looking up at the sky. "I love this park," she told me, returning her eyes to my face.

"Why this park?"

"You can see the sky better here," she explained with a small smile. "I used to sit on the swings for hours, leaning back to watch the clouds go by. I wished on shooting stars when I saw them."

"What did you wish for?"

"You," she answered simply, releasing my hands.

I frowned, but not in displeasure. It was truly impossible to do. It felt like the breath had been knocked out of me though. The feeling of my heart beating fast was there when it wasn't beating at all.

She glanced over her shoulder at me as she continued onto the rusted swing set. She mimicked the position she had previously told me about. She had her eyes closed though. I could hear the depth of her breath.

I regained my composure slowly and I walked to the second swing to be beside her. Alice looked at the sky then.

I could not find the right words to speak.

I could not get past what she said.

I sat in silence, watching her and listening to the hinges creak.

I would never forget what she had said.

The effects were irreversible.

I'm gonna be adding a little short chapter, then also there will be a little sneak preview at the end of that also once i'm done typing it up. Tell me what you thought. :)