A/N: Thanks for your amazing reviews! Always appreciated. Here's the next chapter. Hope you enjoy! :)

Chapter Seventeen: Wounded

JPOV

Alice was asleep when I returned.

She was at peace.

I would have had it no other way.

I leaned down to kiss her forehead gently.

She looked so frail. I could have killed her so easily.

I bowed my head in relief partially.

Her heartbeat was steady. I could hear it and the heart monitor confirmed it.

She was alive.

That was something.

She had blood being pumped into her that destroyed her scent. I knew it would soon return, but I missed it already.

The IVs were full, newly changed.

Her leg was bandaged mid thigh and the cast around her foot told me there was more damage than I noticed.

I sat down with a sigh.

She was alive!

The realization had finally hit me, an overwhelming blow in a good, wonderful way.

She would be okay!

I would still be able to see her, but this was my fault.

I leaned back in the chair. I felt exhausted, mentally, physically, emotionally.

I knew it was the blood.

I now realized all of what she meant to me and exactly how much she meant, how much she had changed in me, how much I needed her with me forever. I needed her.

It was wrong.

I could not steal her life to make mine.

I would not turn her into a creature I hated myself, and I would not damn her to that life. Never.

Her memory would be enough as long as I could forget how hopeless she looked in front of me, because of me.

It tormented me, always.

Alice's hand was limp. She didn't reach out to hold mine at the first sign of pain or sadness. She was so still, other than the rise and fall of her chest in her deep slumber.

She was asleep, not dead!

I'd watched her sleep for a month, every night. But this bothered me.

It was a sedated sleep, not natural.

She shouldn't have been asleep.

It was eight in the morning, a Tuesday. She should have been sitting on the counter with whatever textbook and the breakfast I'd made her. Wet hair, sweat pants that she always wore in the morning, the usual UCLA hoodie she had taken from her brother's closet.

Everything about that situation was wrong.

I reached up to touch her hand. She somehow responded. She knew my touch, by the coldness of my skin or otherwise.

My still heart felt dead, more so than usual.

What had I done to her?

I'd stolen every part of her human life, maybe destroyed some section of it.

What happened if she never returned to herself and was lost in the memory of that day forever?

Would I ever hear her laugh again?

My mind searched for any sound of her voice as cheerful as it had once been. All I heard was her sobs when she saw me in front of her. I didn't know the reasons why she began to cry then.

Something told me they weren't for herself though.

Her selflessness could have gotten her killed.

My selfishness could have been the one to kill her.

That changed now.

I couldn't force her away or make myself leave after what I'd done to her. I would never let myself hurt her again, put her any any danger.

I would protect her.

I would never leave her side.

She was my only reason to be there.

She was everything that made my life worth living.

I would not forsake her. Never.

She had been abandoned enough, even by me. I had abandoned her safety and I was wrong. It was the worst mistake of my life.

I almost lost her!

She was the only thing in my life that would hurt me to lose.

I would never lose her! Not until she had lived a long, happy life.

I let out a slow breath.

She was everything.

"Jasper." Carlisle's voice. I knew it well, but my eyes remained on Alice.

I never wanted to look away again.

"How long has she been out?" I asked.

"Few hours. She was given a sedative because she kept asking for you. She needs to rest."

I nodded. She would rest if I had to give her another sedative myself. Her health and recovery was all that mattered to me now.

"Are you all right?" Carlisle inquired.

"Fine," I replied. The bluntness of my answers brought them to a level of disrespect perhaps. Carlisle meant well. He knew Alice would be fine, so he asked after me. I wished he wouldn't.

"What happened to her foot?" I pressed, looking up at him.

"Third bullet. It hit her in the back of her leg, broke it. A clean break. It will heal well," he told me. I saw the concern in his eyes when I moved to look at her leg. A third bullet I hadn't even noticed... I didn't know what to do with this anymore.

I hated myself.

"How long until she can leave?" I continued.

"Few days. They want all the victims to talk to a psychiatrist."

I shook my head furiously, but it was a good idea. It just shouldn't have had to be that way, especially not with Alice. She had been through enough with shrinks.

"Did she say anything while she was awake?"

"She asked about my name and the shooter, then the FBI agents came to talk to her. After that, she only asked for you, about you, if you were all right--"

"If I was all right?" I scoffed.

"Jasper, she doesn't know. All she knows is that you ran into a building with a shooter. She saw you looked strained, but she couldn't see blood on you. She didn't know what it meant."

"Did she ask about it?" Surely she would ask for some answers soon!

"No," Carlisle answered bluntly.

I sighed in frustration. "Thank you," I said softly. He deserved more than that. I couldn't even think straight though. Alice was all that mattered.

"She's a beautiful girl," Carlisle commented.

I managed a smile, nodding. "Yes." She was! Inside and out. I adored that about her. If I could change one though about her, if I had the power, I wouldn't change anything except to heal her wounds, make her forget the terrors.

"I suppose they'll all be angry with me for taking a risk like that," I said, more coldly. Of course my siblings would be upset. I'd appeared to humans, ran to us. We were too fast. We could have been forced to move for that alone, and the blood...

I rubbed my eyes in frustration. I would have to deal with that later if I even went home any time soon.

Carlisle smiled distantly, then he nodded once. He entered the room to go sit down across the bed from me. I glanced up at him, then back at Alice. "They'll understand," he told me.

"If I get a chance to explain," I muttered, but that wasn't likely. They were four; I was alone. Carlisle didn't usually step into stupid fights, but this was different. I was trying to save her. He would understand that much. He'd put lives in danger to save them before. He knew, Rosalie understood some small part of the situation. It wasn't the same thing though, not entirely.

"They got to campus a few minutes after you left. I'm sure they'll understand," he continued.

I was doubtful, but I didn't say that. It was pointless. Carlisle would hold his ground on the matter. He knew them better than I did. Still, I knew I was an outcast of sorts because of my refusal to live the life they did. I couldn't live that life anyway because I had no spouse. It didn't matter to me anyway. It was my own life, my own choice.

"Maybe it's better if they do get upset," I whispered. "It's not like I'm ever home and I don't belong in the life."

"You're a part of our family, Jasper."

I shook my head. "No. If I was part of the family, they would be happy that I found something that makes me happy," I replied bitterly. "You took in MaRai when she was a newborn. There were risks in that. You knew there were the same problems when I came. MaRai makes Edward happy. Alice makes me happy. Where's the difference?"

"The difference is that Alice isn't one of us."

"Then maybe I'm not one of you either," I said, trying not to glare at Carlisle. He wasn't trying to cause a disagreement or side with them. He had a point, a good one. I was still angry though.

All the unfair parts of the world were at my feet now.

I was set aside as a danger to my family, and I didn't want that! I never wanted to destroy their life here.

"If Alice means so much to you, then she is a part of our family too," Carlisle announced, and I could feel his eyes on me. "None of us want to take her from you. We just want to get through this. We don't want you to suffer or her. You're not the only person who could kill her, Jasper."

"That's my point. I was in the building with blood covered floors and I was rational enough to take off my belt and wrap it around her leg and take her out of the building while she bled all over me," I snapped impatiently. "I won't be the one to kill her if she does end up dead."

Carlisle nodded thoughtfully.

I wanted for a reply, but Alice shifted first. I jumped to my feet, too fast again. She was still asleep, drugged. I glanced at Carlisle. He was calm; nothing was wrong. I moved to lay down next to her, my arm draped over her waist, and my hand hooking her waist. I breathed in the air around her. The only thing that still smelled like her was her hair. It smelled like her shampoo--cucumber and melons.

I took a deep breath. She was so important to me. I wanted to talk to her.

I could have slept that way were I even capable of it. She helped me relax.

Carlisle soon left us alone. I stayed with Alice, trying to remember her as the strong woman she was and I was searching for a way to apologize to her.

I was surprised when I felt her left hand on my cheek, so warm. I opened my eyes to see her smiling at me. "Hey," she whispered, her voice dry.

I smiled back, kissing her forehead. "How long have you been awake?"

"A few minutes," she sighed.

"Stay here. I'll go--"

"No, stay," she pleaded.

I nodded in submission. "Can I go get a nurse to bring you some food?" I asked firmly. I wasn't going to take no for an answer anyway.

Alice eyed me. "Just don't leave."

"I won't." I only walked to the door and gestured the nurse over. Carlisle followed too, but Alice kept her attention on me. There was no fear in her eyes, but she wasn't laughing either. I held her hand to me as Carlisle checked her quickly. He smiled pleasantly. "She's fine," he told me.

I nodded. "You should sleep more after you eat," I suggested, eyes on Alice's face. She looked so much younger.

"Are you okay though?" she asked. "You weren't there when the shooting started. When did you come? What happened?"

I put my finger to her lips to make her slow down. "I came looking for you. I couldn't wait to know if you were safe. It was my fault you were there. I put you in danger. I'm sorry, Alice. I'm so, so sorry. I was wrong to--"

"No, no, stop. I wanted to be there," she told me firmly. "Please, let's not talk about it now."

I nodded. "All right. I'm sorry I brought it up. Forget I said anything at all." I allowed myself to smile at her, despite my worry about her. She was more important. My concerns could wait.

Alice leaned her head into me while I stroked her soft hair. "You look horrible," she remarked. "Definitely Edward Scissorhands."

I grinned. It was probably true. She would never lie about it. I felt exhausted from the blood and I knew I would look worse than usual. I nodded. "Yeah, I feel like him too," I replied.

"How's that?" she pressed quietly.

I shrugged. "Mostly, I just feel like I keep hurting everyone I care for, especially my best friend," I answered. "The only true friend I've ever had."

"No, you never hurt me."

"I don't think you understand, Alice. I'm so sorry. I've lied about so much. I can't tell you any truth, and it kills me. I want to help everything. I want to end this, but I can't."

"Can't?" Alice repeated, squeezing my hand. "What is one truly incapable of saying?"

"I can tell you, but it would only destroy my life, my family. I can't do that to them."

Alice nodded that she understood. "I would never tell someone," she promised, and I knew that it was the truth. Brutal honesty such as that was what I needed. It would do me good to stop denying the truth, then maybe I would be able to tell her everything.

I closed my eyes. "I know that, my Alice, but that's one rule. We can't tell anyone," I explained. "I have to think about it."

"Why didn't you think about your own safety when you ran into the building?"

"Because I don't have any reason to live without you, my Alice. I told you once that I didn't have anything to hope for and that I didn't have any faith. For the first time in a long time, there is hope, and I do have faith, but only when you're there."

I saw the tears in Alice's eyes as she watched my face. She smiled at me when the nurse came in with her food. I helped Alice sit up by lifting her tiny frame. She weighed so little! I grinned at the disgusted look on her face. "The day you get released, I'll take you out for something good," I promised her softly.

"I'll be counting down the hours," she muttered.

"Any special requests?" I asked.

"Nope, as long as it's food that doesn't involve apples being squished, preservatives, and spam," she replied.

I chuckled. "As long as you eat all of that now, it's a deal," i said. Even then, she could go off on any subject and she could make me forget. She was able to distract me from anything.

She was all that I remembered her to be, just wounded. Not all wounded dogs are dangerous.