First I would to thank everyone for the support during my loss and I and very thankful that you guys understood. As much as I love my family they drove me completely insane while I was there and I am so happy to be able to get lost in my stories with Stephanie Meyers wonderful characters.

SIX WEEKS LATER

I still wasn't fully recovered from being shot but I was attending physical therapy and I was almost there. I scheduled a doctor's appointment with my OB/GYN and Edward wanted to go with me but I convinced him that I could handle it on my own. I was now sitting on the table in the office waiting for DR. Aerosmith to come in so I could get out of here.

I had several tests done over the last week and she had finally set up a date to give me the results. I figured they couldn't be good since she wouldn't tell me the results over the phone. "Thank you for waiting. Ok well after reviewing your labs and the tests I'm afraid I have some bad news." I closed my eyes and told myself I could handle it so I nodded for her to continue. "I'm afraid there is too much damage for you to be able to carry a child if you would even be able to get pregnant."

I was afraid to open my eyes knowing the tears would fall freely so I sat nodding so she knew I was listening. "Bella, I'm so sorry. There are a few procedures that you may be eligible for but none of them are guaranteed to work." I opened my eyes and looked at the older woman trying to console me and smiled. "Thanks Dr. Aerosmith but I think I just need some time to absorb what has happened and try to accept it before I decide anything." She handed me my file to give to the receptionist at the desk and I headed to Edwards.

I still had my apartment much to Edward's dismay but I thought it was for the best considering that I wasn't completely back to normal yet. It finally hit me before I was dismissed from the hospital and I had a breakdown which was why my discharge date was postponed three days, for suicide watch, but ever since then I found the dumbest shit to fight about. I don't even fight with just Edward but everyone else too.

I kicked Jasper and Alice out of the apartment because Jasper put his feet on the coffee table and I stormed out of the coffee house because Ang kept replaying some video of me and Edward in Brazil that was online thanks to a stupid actress. I called all three of them and apologized but I still continued to bite everyone's heads off. It only got worse when Edward would tell me that it was to be expected. I hated that he was making up excuses for me.

Edward was sitting at the kitchen table arguing with someone on the phone when I got there and he kissed me on the cheek as I walked by. "Listen I've already told you my feelings on this matter so I'm done arguing and with you." He hung up the phone and I rubbed his shoulders. "Bad day?" He pulled at the ends of his copper hair and sighed, "Yeah but how was your appointment?"

I groaned and sat down in the chair next to him. "Well Dr. Aerosmith had some big news. After looking at all of my test results she said… I probably won't be able to… have kids." I just stared at my hands playing with the place mat until he grabbed them and made me look at him. "Are you ok?" I looked into his eyes and shrugged, "I never really considered having kids before and then we had our little accident and it just felt right. Honestly though I don't feel too upset about it. I might later but not right now."

I hadn't noticed that Edward had pulled me onto his lap until he hugged me. We sat embraced by one another for ten minutes before the phone rang behind me. He answered it, "Hey Jasper what's up?... I don't know it's been one of those days… Ok well let me think about it… I will bye." I already knew that Jasper was calling to hangout tonight but Edward was trying to hide it because I am the newly renovated bitch of our group. I got up and got a glass of water.

"So who all will be there?" He wanted to play numb but knew I wouldn't fall for it so he went for honesty. "Jasper, Alice, Ang, Chris, and Mike." I sighed, "Wow everyone, wait who's Chris?" He stood and walked to the refrigerator, "Chris is Ang's boyfriend. He was the head of one of the search parties looking for you." I threw my glass in the sink and it shattered. "I can't believe I don't even know what's going on in my best friend's life!" I grabbed I bowl off the counter and tried to throw it at the wall but Edward stopped me.

I sobbed and dropped to the ground with Edward still holding me. It felt like if he let go I would literally fall apart. I don't know how long I sat there freaking out but when I finally stopped it was dark out. "I'm sorry I broke down, it's just I feel so bad that I have missed so much. First Jacob made me miss a month and now I am costing myself all of this time. I just feel like an awful friend."

Edward kissed the top of my head, "Bella nobody thinks you're a bad friend. We all understand that you need time to recover from, everything. We love you and will be here when you decide you need us." I nodded and then we went to bed. Edward held me to his chest and as he slept while I just thought about all the things I let myself miss by distancing myself from reality. I decided I would need to get help to get over whatever is wrong with me.

The next morning I waited for Edward to leave for brunch with some of his guy friends who flew in to meet him and I grabbed a business card out of my purse. Jenny from the hospital had given it to me the day I was released and I decided it was time to use it. I called and the receptionist said there was an opening in twenty minutes. I grabbed my stuff and sprinted out of the apartment.

I got there with five minutes to spare and filled out the never ending paper work. When I handed them back in she told me I could go in and see Dr. Turner. He wasn't what I expected from a psychologist. He seemed younger than he should for a successful doctor. He appeared to be in his late 20's or early 30's. He had very bright and welcoming brown eyes with a military buzz cut.

"Ms. Swan, please have a seat." I suddenly felt insecure as I sat down on a brown leather sofa. "Now I understand that you have gone through a ruff time recently. Would you mind telling me about it?" I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing.

"Well just over a month ago I was kidnapped by an ex-fiancé, Jacob. At the time I was about four months pregnant with my current fiancé Edward's child. I was held for about a month before I was able to get an e-mail out and have someone rescue me. While being held captive Jacob… Jacob raped me."

I had to stop to compose myself and Dr. Turner handed me a tissue. "During the rescue the police had to use deadly force and I was shot. The bullet killed the baby. I just recently found out I will never be able to get pregnant again. I know that all of that should depress me but what is really killing me is that I have missed so much during that time. My friends lives went on while I was gone and I just can't seem to reconnect. Even being home I still feel away from them."

I sat waiting for him to tell me this is normal and that drugs were the only thing that could make it right but he didn't say anything. When I looked up I half expected him to be writing but he just smiled at me. "Do you feel any better now?" I thought about it, "Yeah, a little."

I let a small smile spread across my face, "Ok Bella. I am very pleased with how open you are being with me. Most of my patients come in here and just want a quick fix and they don't even know why they are here. I can tell that you are here because you want help; not because you need it but because it will make it easier. Now I understand that you moved in with your fiancé just before the kidnapping?"

I nodded at his question and could already guess where he was going. "Did you do this because of Jacob?" I nodded again, "We thought I would help keep me safe, well he did. I still have my old place but neither place feels like home." I watched him write something and then he looked at me. "Do you feel comfortable with, Edward?" A tear rolled down my cheek, "I love him and I can't wait to be married but being with him I have no privacy, and it's not because of him but it's because of who he is. Then because of Jacob raping me we can't be as close as we both would like, there are times when he reaches out to just hold my hand and I still flinch away."

He nodded and I kind of felt bad that I was ranting for the second time and our hour was almost up. "Bella, I want to suggest something to you but it is completely up to you. Perhaps you need to step back and be by yourself for awhile. From what your file says you have been using Edward as a type of crutch since your brother passed and now that he is involved in the problem you're not sure how to cope. You need to be able to rely on yourself for emotional support. I'm not saying to leave him or anything just take some time to reconnect with yourself and your friends. Now our hour is up so how about we have another session sometime this week, just tell Roseanne you need to schedule another appointment."

After scheduling an appointment I went back to Edward's. He wasn't there so I packed some essentials and loaded them up into my car and went to my old place. I left Edward a note telling him not to worry and that I would call him when I felt better.

He tried calling me several times but I never answered. Then I began to get calls from Ang, Mike, Jasper, Alice, even Victoria tried to call me. I ended up changing my out message, "Hey guys stop worrying I will call you when I feel better. I love you all. I'm sorry Edward." Then I turned my phone off.

I sat in my completely dark and empty apartment listening to Nirvana thinking about what Dr. Turner said and he was right Edward had become a crutch and I need to learn how to deal with out him. There was banging on my door and I could hear Edward yelling for me to open up, "Bella open the door! I know you're in there your car is in front of the building and I can hear the music! Bella I'm not leaving until you open the door!" I didn't answer it and he ended up sleeping in the hallway on the floor.

I ended up calling Lauren. She told me that she had moved on but still had yet to go out on a date. I explained about Jacob and she was really good to talk to since she was there for things that I didn't want to tell Ang about. Lauren was there throughout the whole Jacob thing with Nathaniel.

I didn't talk to anyone else for the rest of the week but I sent Edward a few texts as he slept outside of my door. Since he was serious and wouldn't leave my door I had to use the fire escape to leave the apartment without being seen. I even had to find another coffee shop on the opposite side of town just to avoid Ang and Mike. I went through a bunch of boxes I had laying around and found some journals and read them. I did watch TV until I saw rumors that Edward and I had broken up and that he was dating Victoria who brought him dinner one night. I had to admit I was a little jealous of the rumor.

I went to my next session with Dr. Turner and he said talking to Lauren was good but that if I wanted to reconnect I would need to actually talk to the people I cared about. I knew he was right but I would need more time before I could handle Edward.

After the session I called Victoria and we met up for lunch. I figured since we weren't exactly close before hand it would be easier to start with her. We had a great time talking about everything I had missed even before the accident. I found out that her and James had gotten married in Las Vegas and that they are trying to get pregnant; which made me a little sad and she understood and changed the topic quickly.

That night I called Alice and we talked for three hours. She told me that Edward has been really depressed since I left and that I need to come back. I finally got her to talk about other stuff. Once the flood gates were opened there was no shutting her up. I learned that Jasper was recording a sample album and that had given her plenty of time to redecorate their living room. She had gone with an Oriental look with golds and reds with dragons on almost everything. We made plans to go to the flea market the next Saturday.

That night I slept better than I had in nearly three months even though I had an empty feeling I still felt more whole. The next morning I woke and there was an envelope pushed under my door. It had my name scribbled across the front and I opened it.

Bella, I know writing you this letter may not make you come back to

me any quicker but I figured it was worth a try. I miss you so much

that it actually hurts. I know you need space and I understand which is why I am going to give it to you. I will be at my apartment when you decide to see me. I just can't handle you not talking to me please let me know that you are alright. Don't be mad at Alice for talking to me.

Eternally Yours

Edward

I looked out the peep hole to see if he was still there but he was gone. I put the note in my purse and decided I would face Ang and Mike. Neither of them even noticed me until Ang asked for my order, "I'll have my usual if you don't mind." She looked up at me and yelled, "Mike!" He came running from the back and dropped a can of coffee grounds all over the floor. "I'm glad to see you both missed me too."

After the morning rush we sat around and talked about anything and everything. I apologized for all the things I missed and for yelling at both of them. Mike had to stay behind the register but Ang got to talk with me. I told her all about Dr. Turner and she told me all about Chris. She seemed so much more collected than I remembered her ever being; my guess is that it had something to do with Chris.

I told her that as soon as I got to work through all of my shit and figured it out that I would love to meet him. She told me that he was there when Edward got the e-mail and he called the police because Edward was beside himself. After hearing from her about what Edward went through while I was missing I decided on a good way to explain to Edward what I have been doing.

I had asked everyone not to tell Edward about Dr. Turner and I knew they would keep it a secret. Before I left I called and made an appointment for that afternoon. Then I sent Edward a text and told him to meet me at the address at four.

When he pulled into the parking garage I was waiting by my car for him. He jumped out and hugged me tighter than I thought possible. "I'm sorry whatever I did, I'm sorry please just let me make it up to you. I can fix this I promise." I covered his mouth with my hand but didn't say anything. I grabbed his hand as dragged him inside. Roseanne nodded for me to go on in.

Dr. Turner was sitting in his normal chair and I sat with a clueless Edward on the couch. "Edward, this is Dr. Turner. He has been helping me deal with my past and reconnect with myself as well as my friends, and you." He squeezed my hand and turned me to look at him. "Why didn't you tell me? You just disappeared and then wouldn't talk to me." I looked at Turner and he just nodded for me to tell him.

"He helped me realize that I was using you as a crutch and it wasn't fair to you or me. I love you but I needed to be sure it wasn't because you're just there. I hated being with you but not really being there. The same with all of our friends. Being away from you physically and emotionally… it tore me apart. Everyday I wanted to open the door and be with you." He stopped me, "Then why didn't you?"

I sobbed, I could tell he was hurt, "I need to prove to myself that I didn't need you to hold me together. The truth is I can live without you but I don't want to. I love you and not because you were there for me when Nathaniel was killed or because you were here to help me deal with Jacob but because despite all of those things you never left. You have so much to deal with without my drama but yet here you are."

Edward leaned in and kissed me lightly on the lips, "I love you because of all those things. You can handle yourself. I mean look at where we are right now. Nobody had to force you to come here you decided on your own. Nobody needs to take care of you and that is one of the many reasons why I want you to be my wife. I love you even with all your drama."

A tear slid down my cheek and Edward wiped it away, "I'm so sorry about how I went about this whole thing. I should have talked to you and let you know what was going on but I wasn't thinking straight." He kissed my forehead, "Don't even think about it."

I got Edward to agree that I needed to live on my own for a while longer and we postponed any plans for a wedding. I started going to sessions twice a week and Edward would go with me once a week. Dr. Turner said he was very happy with my progress. It seemed that the depression I was suffering wasn't initially from Jacob but from loosing Nathaniel. After he died everything else just got piled on top of it and I never dealt with any of it.

There were sessions where I would cry and others where I would want to break something but never got the chance. There was one really bad time when I had to explain in complete detail what happened while I was gone with Jacob and I wouldn't have made it through it with out Edward sitting there with me. We had to stop a few times that day so that Edward could calm himself especially when we discussed when Jacob raped me. Other than that session we were doing great.

There you go I hope you liked it. Only one more chapter left and maybe an epilogue but i haven't decided yet. PM and Review, please!