A/N: Geez. I just realized that it's been like a week since I updated, lol. Whoops. Didn't mean to take so long! Sorry. Here's the next bit. Enjoy!

Chapter Twenty-Four: Valuable

JPOV

I put her car in park.

We had dropped off the others on campus.

We were alone.

Alice turned to look at me. She was searching for a way to say good night.

Like me, she didn't want to be separated.

I cleared my throat and looked over at her. The darkness covered her face, yet she was still as pretty as before. Sweet faced and patient for me to speak first.

I closed my eyes, longing for so much.

I would fail her if I moved too fast.

That was the last thing I wanted to do, and failing her meant I would also fail my new coven. Without her and without them, there would be no one to hold me back this time.

What could I do?

Alice smiled when she realized I was in the same position she was, even if mine was more complex. "You okay?" she asked. Naturally she was concerned about me and not herself.

I began to nod, but no... I shook my head instead. "No, I'm not, not this time," I answered, and she frowned in concern. She waited as if she knew I would continue. "I can't." I shook my head again stubbornly. "I can't lose you ever. I can't keep you either. What kills me is that you follow my lead without question, no matter how much it might change your life. You're content with whatever decision I make and you let me go on like this. Why do you trust me to make these decisions? What happens to you if I make the wrong one?"

Alice bowed her head, trying to work out an answer. She was thinking hard. I envied Edward's ability to read her mind then. She was so important to me. I wanted to know what options went through her mind and why she thought of those as opposed to others. It was so hard to wait sometimes. I'd waited this long for her--wasn't that enough?

Alice shrugged. "I trust you to make a wise decision," she replied, but that wasn't her answer. I could tell that much by her beautiful, blue eyes.

"What if I don't?" I pressed, promising to return to the original questions soon later.

"Some situations don't have a right or wrong decision," she told me. It was frustrating to me. It made me angry! I was sitting there, putting her in danger and breaking every rule set down for us, and she was being the most understanding woman alive! She couldn't just tell me how wrong I was because she never saw it that way.

I stared out the windshield in anger directed towards myself mostly. Why couldn't I just be honest with myself and her? She deserved someone with the honesty I couldn't force out. Alice saw the anger. I noted she was close to tears and sighed. "Sorry," she whispered though, and I turned to her.

I shook my head quickly and pulled her closer to me. "No, no, no. Don't be. Don't be sorry... ever. Don't apologize. This is my fault. It's not you." I stroked her cheek, continuing to shake my head until she met my eyes finally. "It's me, Alice. You're just the most perfect person in the world, and I hate that I'm doing this to you. I'm holding you down when you could be so free. I never wanted to do that to you."

Alice stopped me with a finger to my lips. "No, you stop!" she told me. "You can't blame yourself for everything. I am free, therefore I should be free enough to love you without something like this happening."

I stopped, ready to argue with her if she could just listen. I knew she wouldn't. Arguing would be pointless. That left us without only so much to do and more to say. I waited this time for her to speak. She smiled at that, searching for the words once again. "What exactly do you want me to do, Jasper?" she asked in a more serious tone of voice, looking down at her hands nervously.

"I want you to tell me what you want."

Alice closed her eyes for another debate. This one was longer. She was visibly shaking. Finally, she opened her mouth to speak. "I just want you," she said quietly, tears in her eyes again as she reached up to put her hand on my cheek.

I put my hand over hers and pushed it down. I had no reason to expect that answer, but those were the words she spoke. I stared at her. "Alice, no, you shouldn't want--"

"But I do! And you wouldn't be here if you didn't want something from me too," she replied firmly. She read me too well. She knew it was true and she wouldn't listen to any of the arguments I had planned out in my head.

"It's not that simple. I could kill you."

Alice nodded quickly. "I know that, but reminding yourself of it over and over won't change a damn thing!" she snapped. Now she was fighting for what she wanted, even if it was all wrong. Why did it have to be this way? I thought I would be happy about it, but she would have to give up too much if she chose me.

"Alice, please, just listen to me. I prey on the human race. I've killed before and I doubt that I won't kill again. The last time I killed was a twelve year old boy on March 2nd, 2009." I paused because I could see the horror masked by defiance in her eyes. She wouldn't let the fear I knew she felt show. I was hurting her already by telling her these damned details that were designed to make her afraid.

I took a deep breath, wishing I could take back the specifics. "Alice, I'm dangerous."

She moved closer, closer to me. "We breathe the same air, Jasper. That's enough for me."

"You shouldn't fight fear! It's a good thing in this case. Fear in this case is designed to save your life, Alice," I explained softly.

"No. It's designed to take the best thing in my life. I'm not afraid of you. If you were going to kill me, you would have done it already. The warning proves you won't kill me. It's just guilt."

"And how would you feel?" I demanded furiously.

"Bad, like hell, but there's more! Sometimes the past needs to be left in the past and you have to accept that. Why are you torturing yourself?"

I waited out a few moments. She had a point, even if I hated to admit it. She was trying to help me. Sometimes the healers have to be allowed to work, and Alice was my healer. I could not let her work when she could die at the end. "Why are you doing this?" I whispered.

"Because you asked me what I wanted and I answered. Before that, you asked why I let you decide everything. This is the reason! You're so far down in this pit that you can't even understand that someone can love you, someone does love you. It's more than just you this time. Your family and me too. Why can't you let someone care for you without questioning it?"

I steeled myself from her question, but that wasn't entirely possible. I shook my head defiantly. I couldn't argue with her reasoning though. I knew Carlisle cared enough to stop me from committing suicide. Without him, I never would have met Alice.

Everything happens for a reason.

Death too. Death was also included.

"Why won't you tel me, Jasper? I won't hurt you. Please, tell me."

I shook my head. "No, you won't hurt me, but I'll hurt you, my Alice," I replied firmly. "I don't want to do that."

"You won't," she said. She sounded sure.

"Why do you say that?"

Alice moved forward even more and she cupped my chin. She forced me to meet her eyes and I studied the sureness in her eyes, not sure what to do, how to look at her. I never wanted her to know how deep my feelings went, but I knew she could see now. She only saw it now. She cleared her throat. "Because I know you and I know how stubborn you are," she answered quietly, kindly, gently. "You won't hurt me."

I averted my eyes, then I sighed. Yes, I was stubborn. No, I would never let myself hurt her physically, but what about emotionally, verbally, psychologically? I could do so much without trying; I could hurt her.

Alice shook her head. "You won't hurt me," she repeated.

I looked up at her. "Why do you trust me?"

"Because you trusted me."

I studied her for a moment, trying to get any idea of what her thoughts might be at that moment. I moved my finger to her cheek, stroking it softly and lovingly. "Alice, I love you with more passion than I could ever explain," I announced. "I can't wait anymore."

Alice nodded eagerly. "Then don't!"

Hesitantly, carefully, she moved the last inches forward, and she pressed her lips to mine. A soft touch that only lasted seconds while I could hear her heart pounding so hard. She was worried about my reaction to her advancement.

Could it, my heart would have pounding harder than Alice's was. She pulled back to meet my eyes. She saw my amazement, but by her smile, she also saw the pleasure and the joy in my eyes. I stroked her cheek again and smiled back.

The advancement was mine that time. I brushed her lips with my finger, then I leaned in to caress the cherry color, the soft lips. She did respond, but only by smiling to encourage me and also she put her arms around me.

Yes, she was there. She was waiting for me to decide.

I had to wait a few more hours though.

There was one more thing I had to do first.

I walked Alice up to her apartment, carrying her bags for her. She opened the door for me. I set them down on the counter and floor, then turned to her. She was leaning back against the counter, arms folded and her injured foot stuck forward to take her weight off it. I watched her smile at me. I returned it again, waiting patiently as the words came to me slowly. "Alice, can you just wait a bit longer for me while I go do something?" I requested, a hand on either side of her neck.

She nodded willingly, but there was hesitance there that made me grin. "Yes."

I leaned forward to touch my forehead to hers. "I'll be back later," I promised her in a whisper, and then I turned to leave. I had to speak to my family, apologize, explain, and plead if I had to. I needed them to understand for a small moment and to give her a change when she came to meet them. I wanted them to provide her with the same courtesy she gave them. I wanted them to stop denying and accept this.

I hopped in my car and sped towards home as fast as I could. I wanted to get back to Alice as soon as possible. My Alice.

I stopped in front of my house. I waited for a few moments, hands firmly on the wheel as the seconds ticked by slowly. I was calm enough to face them, but I needed to think of something to say and some way to apologize to Edward. I owed them all that much at least and perhaps they would listen to my reasons, my asking, my begging.

I took a deep breath, then opened my car door. I turned off the engine, leaving the keys in the ignition.

My family was all in the living room when I walked in. Emmett tensed, prepared to jump up and defend Edward or pull me off him, whichever became necessary if one did. I raised my hands to tell them that I wasn't going to pick a fight. "I came to apologize," I told them quietly. "I was wrong. I've had a lot on my mind lately and I know that's no excuse. Edward especially, I'm sorry."

They all looked surprised. Edward raised one eyebrow, glancing at MaRai, then he shook his head. "Me too," he replied. "I was also wrong."

Carlisle stood up. "Jasper, we all owe you an apology also," he began. "We provoked you and we had no right to question you. We'll do what we can to make it up to you."

I sighed and moved to sit down by the bar in the kitchen. "I know it's a lot to ask of anyone and I know what danger it puts you in. All of you. I know all the risks. But she's what makes me happy. I want to be able to love her without restraint. Please, can you just try to understand how I feel?"

Carlisle nodded. "Jasper, she could destroy us if you tell her," he warned.

"She wouldn't tell anyone. I know you won't believe me, no matter what I say, but I know her better than anyone, especially you. If you would just give her one change... Please. She means a lot to me!" I could not stress the point enough and I could tell that Esme and MaRai were already willing.

"She could..." Edward stopped after a glance over at MaRai, who was glaring furiously at him.

"She will die, Jasper," Carlisle reminded me.

I nodded. "I know that."

"And what will happen when she does?" Esme asked gently, moving to put her arms around my shoulders. Everyone would have asked the same question if she hadn't.

I closed my eyes. "I-I know!" I snapped in frustration. I knew she would die, but couldn't I live life without that fear now? "I know it will be as hard as hell to live without her for eternity and I know that I'll have to do that. I know the seventy years will seem like nothing, like no time has gone by before she's gone. But I won't live without her no matter what any of you say. I don't want to have to choose between you and Alice. Don't make me choose because I'll pick her! I will if I have to though. I want to be able to love her and be with her without any restrictions, and I'll give up anything I have to. I know that I will lose her eventually."

"And are you prepared for that?" Carlisle pressed.

I shook my head honestly. I would never be able to lie about it. Losing Alice had become my worst fear. I took a deep breath, trying to get past the thought of the fear becoming reality. "No. I'll never be prepared for her to die, no more than you could be for Esme to die," I answered, staring ahead at the wall. "But if I can be with her for now, that's enough for me. I'll be able to work out the rest, how to live without her when the time comes in the future."

Carlisle looked around at all the others as if to collect votes. He returned his gaze to me then. He nodded once. "All right. Next week, you'll bring her and she'll be welcomed as if she was one of us. As long as you're with her, she's part of our family and we won't question it anymore," he told me with a short smile and a comforting look.

"Thank you," I said, smiling.

"She your girlfriend or what?" Emmett asked, and I smacked the back of his head in annoyance. It wasn't any of his business if he would give me or my Alice a hard time about it, which he would.

Carlisle came close to chuckling.

MaRai hugged my waist. "You like her that much?" she asked with a grin and a wink at Emmett.

I couldn't hit her, but I sent an annoyed look over at Esme. It wasn't the biggest story around or the news story of the week. But after one smile from Carlisle, I rolled my eyes. "Yes, I do like her, so I would appreciate it you would all behave and not screw it up for me when she comes."

Esme nodded with a firm look over at Rosalie and a threatening look at Emmett. "We'll make her a huge dinner and she can stay here as long as she likes," she told me. She would go overboard no doubt, but at least she was trying. They were all too excited for my taste. I was there to beg them not to make a fool out of me, but that was beginning to seem inevitable. They would all do their parts in embarrassing me.

But for now, I had to go. I had to go home to see Alice. I had to hold her for the night and help her get ready for school in the morning.

This was my ritual and I did love it. Any time spent with Alice, my Alice was valuable.

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