"Speak…" Penelope answered absently as her phone vibrated beside on the hammock. She had contemplated turning off her phone as she always did when she was at the cottage, but seeing as Em had taken that route she thought one of them should at least be contactable.
"Hey,"
"Hey Charlie Brown. What can I do for you?"
"How are you guys doing?"
"We're fine thank you. I appreciate the inclusion, but to answer your real question, she's processing. She went for a walk an hour or so ago, she's getting there."
"Can I, do you think she'd see me?"
"I don't know Hotch it depends on whether or not you know what you want, because you get one chance here."
"You think I even have that?"
"Barely, but it's there. She loves you, and has loved you for so long. It's not easy to just walk away from that regardless how hurt you are."
Emily returned to find Penelope in the exact same position she was in when she left hours before. Her head stuck in a book in the hammock covered with a blanket.
"Have you moved at all?" she asked amused
"I actually have. I made chicken salad for dinner. I was just waiting till you came back. If you want to freshen up I'll put the rolls in the oven for a few minutes and we can eat."
"That sounds great. I just realised that I'm starving."
"Thought you might be. Go on up and I'll see you in a few minutes."
"Cool, thanks Pen."
Penelope rose from the hammock and threw the rolls in the over for a few minutes while she set the table. When Emily came into the room Penelope noticed that she was wasn't looking as conflicted as did when she first went out for her walk.
"The beach helped?"
"Yeah it did."
"Good, I'm glad. Hotch called for you earlier. He wants to know if you guys could talk."
"I guess, I mean why prolong the agony right? What can he say that could possibly hurt me more."
"He may just surprise you Em." Pen said gently as Em looked at her sceptically
"He loves you."
"I don't know if that's enough Pen." Emily murmured looking out the window. For the last few hours she had been weighing it out in her mind and heart.
"You've got your hand on that eject button haven't you."
"I think I do Pen. I can't keep going this way."
"What will it take for you to take him back? Or are you just so scared that you'll take any excuse to bolt now in the name of self preservation?"
"Can you blame me?"
"No honey, but are you really going to deny yourself a man that loves you, who is willing to move heaven and earth for you because you're under the notion that he will never be able to move on from his wife."
"Do you honestly think he can?"
"I wouldn't be having this conversation with you if I didn't honey. I love you. You're my friend, and he's my friend. You guys are family. I can see how much you're hurting, but I can see how much he's hurting too. It kills him that he hurt you. He can never take that back, but you have a choice here Em. You need to talk to him, listen to what he has to say with an open mind. If you don't, you'll be short changing yourself, because Aaron Hotchner has only ever loved two women in his life, one he lost through his tragic choices, and the other he's about to lose because he's so paralysed with guilt for what happened to the first woman that he loved that he is unable to release himself. He's just as scared as you Em. He has just as much to lose as you. Maybe a little more, but if he's willing to take that chance, and give it an honest go, can you really live yourself if you don't? It's against all odds Em, but I think your love for each other is strong enough to withstand all that, as long as you both choose to do it together." Em looked up at Penelope and met her gaze, knowing that her friend had a point.
"Think about it."
"I will." Em promised.
"Good, he'll be here in the morning." Pen said patting her hand as she got up to clear the table. Emily chuckled.
"Hey it would have been tonight if he got his way."
"Thanks Pen, for everything."
"Anytime honey. Just think about what I said, think about what you really want, put aside your pride and your fears. Deep down in your heart, what do you want? Whatever the answer, go with it, because you will never regret going after what you what, wondering what if is living your life in purgatory and you deserve better than that."
"So do you Pen."
"Thanks Sweetie."
"So are you going to take your own advise or are you just good at dishing it out?"
"We're not exactly on the same boat Em."
"Oh I don't know, I heard about this river in Egypt."
"Very funny, and we're not talking about me."
"Alright, I'll consider what you said if you consider what I'm about to say to you,"
"Is it the only way you're going to let the bone go?"
"Maybe…"
"Fine. Go on."
"Derek loves you. Out of anyone in this world, he cares about you the most." Penelope scoffed earning a look from Emily.
"Grant it, he hasn't exactly been projecting that very well these last couple of months,"
"I don't doubt that I once held that place in his life Em. But nothing in the last couple of months supports that or even tells me that we're friends. He drew the line Em. I didn't. He set up a boundary fence. He took away his friendship without even discussing with me. You can't say that a person who could do that actually cares about the person they do that to." Penelope explained. Em hung her head wanting nothing more than to skin Derek Morgan at that point,
"But, I do appreciate the sentiment you were heading towards though."
"I just want you to be happy Pen."
"I am Em. I'm learning to live without him, which feels a little strange and admittedly it stings a little, but what would hurt more is deluding myself into thinking that one day he will snap out of it, because even if he does, it's not okay. I deserve better than that." Emily couldn't argue.