Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings aren't mine

I got home that night, dropped my books and said hello to Kon. It was Saturday - I usually take Saturday evening off. Kon had done me a favor, he'd done all the prep work for dinner, so all I had to do was fry it up. Luckily I'd picked up his copy of Jump, he was glad to get it. He always looked forward to Saturdays because I usually spend the night out, which meant Kon could take my body. Mostly he sees films or plays Pachinko, he just likes to get out.

I remember how he used to be. And how I used to be. We've both gotten a lot older. I trust Kon with my life, something I'd never thought I'd say when I was fifteen.

"I'll see you later."

"Yeah, catch you later Ichigo."

I left by window, Kon left by the door. As usual for a Saturday I had the patches that gave me about one percent and about ten percent. All I'd need for anything up to a menos and I could pull the patch off if I found one of those. I passed the old soul reaper, gave him a slight nod. He wasn't supposed to nod back, he was supposed to ignore me totally, but he'd usually give me a little wave.

Any acknowledgment was nice.

It was a pretty standard evening, a few laps around town and I figured I'd call it a night.

I suddenly felt a stabbing pain through my chest and legs. Nothing had happened though - I hadn't been attacked -

Kon.

I don't know how it happened, it was all over by the time I got there. I landed at the center of the crowd where Kon - I had been smashed by a truck. My first thought was for Kon, my body was a write-off - I had to get the pill back!

And then I saw the pill.

They get coughed up when the body dies, so they can be reused.

Kon had rolled into oncoming traffic, the pill crushed under a wheel.

Kon was dead.

My body was dead. I thought my spirit form was going to throw up looking at what was left of me.

Even Kon now.

This will sound strange. I walked away from myself and Kon and went back to my apartment. My brain wasn't working.

That sounded sick, didn't it?

I've got enough spirit power to affect things even when I'm not solid. I'd finished boxing up my apartment before I'd even realized I'd started, it only took a half hour. Cleaning up after the dead. It was suddenly so empty, the sum total of our existences in six boxes. Kon and I didn't -hadn't had much stuff.

Dad would arrange something, maybe he could store my stuff wherever he was staying in Seireitei. If he was a captain he must have a house or something.

I'd need to get a message to him.

That'd be easy enough. The other reaper could take it, I could watch the shop while he was gone.

It took about two minutes to track him down.

The reaper's a good guy. I explained the situation and he loaned me his phone so I could text Dad directly. I could have called him, but I didn't feel like talking yet.

DDd,

M ded. morgue. Plz mk arrangements.

Ich.

I looked it over and was ashamed of myself. This wasn't my tragedy. I took the time to add the rest in proper language.

PS, Kon's pill was destroyed in the accident. I would appreciate if you could let people know. He was a good friend and I already miss him.

Ichigo.

I thanked the reaper and he shunpoed off. As I said, a good guy.

Then I went back home.

Our apartment felt empty. Kon is - was my last friend, a companion when times were roughest. A decent guy. I even cried when I looked at both his lifeless plushy bodies. How strange it must have looked.

Kon.

I miss you already buddy. Safe travels to wherever it is mod souls go when they die.

I'd been dead for just over two hours, sitting mindlessly in the apartment. I didn't have a clue what to do next, I'd never even considered something like this, it was too soon, I hadn't planned-

There was a knock on the door, which I ignored. Two in the bloody morning and someone was at the door.

They knocked again. I ignored it. Again.

It was probably the police looking for next of kin. Kon had my wallet, so they'd find out where I'd lived pretty fast.

A third goddamn time! I'm dead! Can't you let me rest in peace or something? There's no next of kin here!

Renji's face came through the door.

"Ichigo?"

"Renji?"

Renji stepped all the way through the door. "Come on, leave this junk. We don't have much time. Ikkaku is standing in the hall with my gigai."

I didn't move. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Would you come on?"

I guess I was stunned, I didn't question any further. I stepped through the door, where Renji was back in his Gigai.

He and Ikkaku were dressed like a pair of gangsters, sunglasses and very expensive black suits.

Ikkaku was looking around, I swear he was nervous.

Ikkaku? Nervous?

"Let's go," said Renji.

I followed the pair of them down the stairs.

"I heard about Kon," said Renji. "I'm sorry."

"Thank you. We'd become close."

"Quiet," growled Ikkaku. "You'll give us away."

"Wait until we get to the car," said Renji.

"Wait a minute, you guys aren't planning to drive, are you?" Immaterial or not, one of these two at the wheel would get someone killed.

"No," hissed Renji, looking around. He didn't see whomever he was looking for. "Just get in the damn car, Ichigo."

There was a big black Benz out front with heavily tinted windows. Feeling a little surreal I got into the back with Ikkaku. Renji got into the front.

Hanatoro was at the wheel, with the same sunglasses and the same mobster suit.

"It's good to see you Ichigo." His voice had deepened a little. Hana threw the car into gear, checked his blind spot and carefully pulled into traffic.

"Okay, what the hell is going on here? I haven't seen you guys in three years and you appear out of nowhere dressed as cheap thugs? Where'd you get the car, anyway?"

Renji answered that one. "It's Kuchiki-taicho's car."

"You stole Byakuya's car?"

"We didn't steal it," said Hanataro. "We just borrowed it." Hana turned left, we were heading towards the highway.

At least Hana knew how to drive.

"Lots of people figure you got a raw deal, Kurosaki," said Ikkaku. "We're going to fix that."

This was happening so damn fast, I couldn't think-

"What? How?"

"You're dead, aren't you?" Ikkaku grinned at me, a disturbing sight. He pulled off the glasses. "It stands to reason you should come to soul society with us."

"I can't come to bloody soul society! I'll be executed!"

"Why?" asked Hana. He had changed.

"Because I'm-" I didn't finish.

"Kurosaki Ichigo is dead, remember?" said Renji. "We don't know who you are, you're obviously someone else."

"What do you mean I'm someone else?"

"You're a different person, right?" That was Ikkaku, and he said it like I was thick or something. "Tomorrow you're starting the academy, as someone else. Renji, what should his name be?"

"Chibi," answered Renji. "Bastard Chibi."

Hana snickered. God, what the hell had happened to him? He was hanging around Renji and Ikkaku and he was snickering?

"I can't go to the-"

"Yes you can," interrupted Renji. "You've got that damn Zaraki patch, you've got a Zampakuto. You've got everything you need!"

"I'll get caught!"

Ikkaku smiled another of those awful Ikkaku smiles and ran a hand over his gleaming head.

"Not if you've got one of these Ichigo. Or whatever your name is. Everyone knows Kurosaki Ichigo has bright orange hair."

"So I'm supposed to be bald? And get called Patchinko head by Yachiru?"

"You're going to the academy starting tomorrow," insisted Renji. "Trust us Ichigo, you've got friends there. We'll shave your head and anyone who might recognize you will look the other way. We can do this."

"This is insane! And why does Byakuya have a car?"

"Dammit Ichigo forget about the car! You're one of us! Screw what those blowhards think!"

Ikkaku nodded once, gave me one of those terrible Ikkaku smiles with the slitted eyes. Even Hana nodded.

Ikkaku said "Paa-chinko."

I didn't want to be bald like Ikkaku. Ikkaku looks like a cue ball.

From the front Hana said "Ichigo, raise your rietsu for a moment please. As high as you can go with the patch on."

I pulled off the the outer patch, burned up bright.

Renji and Ikkaku were looking to Hana, who didn't take his eyes off the road.

"Well?" Demanded Renji.

"I don't know," said Hanataro. "Tenth seat maybe? Eighth? Something like that. He'll stand out but no one's going to mistake him for Kurosaki Ichigo."

"What about Zangetsu," asked Renji.

"That's already handled," said Ikkaku. "Feeling strong Ichigo?"

"Strong enough, why?"

"You learned how to seal Zangetsu, didn't you?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Everyone who ever heard of our orange haired boy thinks of Zangetsu as that chopper. You're going to change that. From now on Zangetsu spends his days sealed."

"They're going to teach me to release my shikai at the academy. How am I supposed to handle that? It's not like Zangetsu isn't recognizable."

"You're going to cheat. From here on in your going to jump you shikai and release directly to bankai."

"What?" That was the plan? "Can that even be done? How the hell am I supposed to do that? And you think people aren't going to notice?"

"You'd better find a way," growled Renji. "It's your only shot."

Hanataro said "we've got some ways to change Zangetsu's bankai appearance. Just some paint and ribbons and things, but it should be enough, no one will mistake your new shikai for Kurosaki Ichigo's bankai if you keep your patch on and your power damped."

I could only lean back into my seat and wonder what the hell they were on.

The audacity of their plan-

-It was crazy.

"I'm looking forward to seeing him bald," said Renji. "I've been looking at that damn orange dandelion for way too long."

"We can combine the best features of both of us," leered Ikkaku. "we'll shave his head and then tattoo it. How does that sound, Ichigo? Maybe a great big sleeping toad on top of your head?"

"Stay away from my head, Baldylocks. Look, this is crazy, stop the car and let me out. And why are you even in gigai?"

"No way. And we're keeping a low profile."

"Renji, this will never work!"

"How do you know? He's whining like a little girl."

"Don't tell me you've gone chicken," said Ikkaku.

I glared at him, I knew what was coming next.

That damn pachinko bastard had his arms going and his legs going and he was clucking at me like a damn rooster. From the front seat Renji was doing the same damn thing.

Hana turned onto the off ramp, took us off the expressway.