Esme's Story – Part Two – The Baby

Bright flickering lights. Pain. Nothing but pain, sweat and the image of a blonde angel. He was coming. The baby was coming. Push, the angel said, Push. I could barely hear him over the sound of my hysterical shrieks. But I did, I gave it everything I had to try and get my baby out. And then, after what seemed forever; a tiny wailing joined mine. I stopped shrieking, gasping in huge breaths I asked for my baby.

"Give him to me, give my baby to me."

Suddenly the wailing stopped; there was silence except for my heavy breathing. I knew in my gut that something was wrong.

"Give him to me. Why won't you give him to me?" I demanded. Then I saw the doctors carrying him out of the delivery room.

"Where are they taking him? What's happened?" I asked the angel. The angel came to sit on my bed, he shifted uncomfortably.

"He didn't make it, Miss Esme. I'm sorry but, he didn't make it." whispered Carlisle.

"No. You're lying it can't be true! Why won't you give me my baby?!" I shouted at him.

I peered over him trying to see what they were doing with my baby, they were laying him on a wooden bench and one of the doctors went out. The others were writing notes and looking at their watches. And then the doctor came back with a pure white sheet. No it can't be. And then they placed on his body dragging it up over his face--. At that point I looked away, I couldn't watch anymore. I started sobbing hysterically. I clawed at my face and any other part of me I could get to. I wanted to punish myself for failing him.

"Stop!" Carlisle reached down and grabbed my wrists pulling them firmly away from me. This time I wasn't shocked at the coolness of his skin, it felt good.

"This isn't your fault understand? Esme, you are amazing. Okay?" he breathed in deeply, "Your ability to love; I've never seen anything like it, you are so good, why can't you see that?" Carlisle put both my hands in his left and brought his hand up to brush away a few sweaty strands of hair off my fore-head. This just made me sob even harder. The truth was I wasn't good; my Alice had gone missing presumably dead and my baby absolutely and utterly dead. And what was I? I was going to become dead.

*********

When Carlisle finally left my side, I got out of the bed and opened the door of my room and stepped outside. Other people here in the maternity ward were all occupied and didn't notice the one single woman walking out. I walked out the entrance of the hospital and headed for the open road. I started walking. Until I found a sign that would direct me to the place I wanted to go.

The Illinois Cliff

2 miles

It was a long, hard trek but I relished every step of pain that served as my penance for failing my baby and my Alice. I made it to the cliff. I walked right up to the edge, ignoring the signs that said the same thing; Danger: Cliff Edge. The waves on were crashing on the shore 300 feet below me. A cool sea breeze rustled my hair. I put my toes over the edge and put my arms out; like they were my wings and I was going to take off. And I jumped. I felt free; with nothing below me and nothing above me, it was like flying, but in flying the birds go up instead of crashing down. As the ground came closer I braced myself for the impact and…crunch. I snapped in two and lay limply there awaiting death's embrace.