He saw an endless blackness. Well, he didn't know if it was endless, but he sure knew it was black. He also felt as if something was pushing him downwards with quite some force.

Suddenly, faint sounds reached his ears. They seemed like... voices.

Then, part of the blackness disappeared and blinding light filled the area. It took his eyes a bit to adjust and when they did, he saw a familiar warboss.

"Oy! Flashgit Gobroz! You'z okay!"

A large green hand was stretched out to him and Gobroz caught it. Nagosh then pulled him out of a pile of metallic rubble.

The surroundings were... barren, to say the least. A seemingly endless rocky desert surrounded the crashed craft from all sides.

"Yeh, boss, I'z okay."

"Gud ta hear! Darug wosn't sure if we'z cud find ya... in one peece."

"Rig't... oy! Were's me shoota?"

After that, Darug and Muskit came into view... the mek was carrying two pieces of metal. Darug spoke:

"I'z sorry, Gobroz. It must'a happened durin' da crashy stuff."

Gobroz looked at what was left of his favourite weapon... and remembered all that time he spent with it... tuning it... polishing its features... testing it on live targets, preferably humies... sitting next to it in the cinema. And he raised his arms to the sky and screamed:

"WRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"

Then there was absolute silence, save for a few hand-sized bugs, but even those were eaten by Ugu moments later. Only Darug really broke the silence:

"Don'tcha worry, Gobroz! I'z gunna fix it! I'z promize!"

"Yeh?"

"Yeh! An' it'z gunna be betta' den eva'!"

Gobroz already looked better.

"Okey! Let'z go find sumw'ere, where we can fix it, yeh?"

"YEH!" shouted the other orks.

And so, the group of weird orks set off on yet another journey.

******

They walked for what seemed to be uneventful hours. In reality, it was a mere ten minutes. And then, a strange cylindrical object landed next to them. Gobroz picked it up.

"Wot is it, flashgit Gobroz?"

"I'z dunno, boss. But it'z awfelly fumiliar."

The mek spoke, a hint of nervosity in his voice:

"Uhhhh... I'z fink dat'z a bom'."

"Uh oh..."

Light consumed the area.

-

No too far from the orks stood a group of humanoids clad in light brown armour, which almost made them blend in with their surroundings. They carried large rifles and their helmets had strange, red optical aids on them.

"Photon grenade hit its mark, sir."

One of them, who wore a white helmet instead of a brown one, nodded.

"Good. Orks are the last things we need on this planet. Back to base."

They rose and wanted to leave, but a terrible roar made them stop.

-

From the smoke left after the grenade, came the biggest ork from Akhalam IV, a few scratches on his hide. The others were close behind.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH!!!! You'z fought, dat a little bom', cud stop orkz?! Oy!" Nagosh looked at the aggressors, "flashgit Gobroz! Ain't dose dem Goody-boyz?"

"Uhhh... dey'z from da Tau emparezez. Or sumfin' like dat."

"Like I'z sed! Goody-boyz! Let'z show teech 'em not ta mess wif da ORKS!!!"

-

"What now, sir?!"

"Calm down! They're just orks! Fire at will! Turn them into piles of smoking flesh!"

The Fire warriors listened and aimed with their rifles.

-

"Uuuuuh... boss? We'z shud get outta' da wey..."

"You'z right, flashgit Gobroz! Looky! Dere's a biiiig rok!"

The group hid behind the large, improvised piece of cover. Pulse shots landed all around them.

"Oy! Dese arez Goody-boyz! Dey'z week 'gainst choppaz and fistz and stuffz, right?"

One of the shots utterly annihilated a plant near them. Which had been an ork-sized cactus. Gobroz spoke:

"Yeh, boss! Too bad we'z ain't gunna get dat close!"

"Dere'z gotta be sumfin' we'z can do!"

At that moment, Muskit got an idea. An insane, ridiculous and lulzy idea, but an idea nonetheless.

"I'z got it! Ugu! Ugu'z tiny, he'z can sneek up on da Tauzerz!"

Nagosh grinned as much as orkily possible.

"Dat soundz like sum fun! And when he haz dem distocteed, we'll crush sum skullz! Go, Ugu!"

-

The little squig looked at all of them and then exited their cover. The commies didn't notice the little guy and he was soon next to them.

One of the warriors spotted the squig.

"SIR!!!"

They all stopped firing. The Shas'ui looked at the black critter and commanded:

"Shoot it, damnit!"

"We can't!"

"Why not?"

"He's less than two metres away from us. We have to go into... close combat."

"WHAT?! WHY?!"

"Sir... the rulebook says so."

Under their helmets, the aliens had faces of pure terror.

"We're all gonna die..."

"Calm down, idiots! It's just one frikin' squig. How bad could it be?"

"It's base attack is higher than our whole unit combined."

"Okay... panic."

"WE'RE ALL GONNA...."

A massive ork landed next to them. Naosh looked quite amused.

"Yeh, you'z all gunna meet yuurz ded boyz soon."

One of the warriors asked the rules expert:

"What does the codex say about his close combat level?!"

"It's... over NIIIIIIINE...."

The Shas'ui knocked the expert on the head with his rifle.

"For Ethereal's sake! That joke was overused thirty-eight millenia ago! And it was already done in this fic! Seriously..." he then turned to the ork, "will it hurt?"

"Hmmm... nah! I'z not gunna fight ya."

"Wha-?!"

"Boss!" it was Darug, "we'z still needz ta find dem guardiez! Dat'z why we'z came 'ere, no?"

"Darug'z right, boss. C'mere, Ugu!"

The little squig sat on Muskit's shoulder. Gobroz was silent, the two pieces of his old kustom shoota in his hands.

"You're looking for the Imperial Guard?"

"Yeh, deyz called us ta help with sum erf-shaky bitz."

"The tremors?"

"Yeh!"

"Well... the empire is also interested in them... perhaps we could negotiate a temporary truce between the guard and us?"

"Works fer me. You'z just have ta get us to da guardiez."

"Of course. Follow me."

Reluctantly, the other warriors walked after their leader, leading the orks towards their goal.

Much lulz is to be had.

******

"What do you mean, they're not at the crash site?!"

Nebulon looked at his master through the screen of his portable com-link. The rubrics and berserkers behind him were busy moving bits of junk.

"We have found nothing but rubble, master. They must have left swiftly."

"Well, then... track them down!"

"As you wish. Nebulon out."

The screen faded into darkness. Rakul was mildly irritated. The only one with him was his second best servant... which said nothing about the sorcerer's skills.

"Akitol?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Go find Sangus and the other two. I want their forces ready for assault in two hours."

"Yes, anything else?"

"Hmmm... get me some Horror-flavoured tea and a Daemonette."

"Got it."

Akitol left and he was alone.

He couldn't shake that strange feeling... as if something bad was about to happen.

"Hmmmm... I'm getting paranoid... I'll get a sammich with some Flamer parts. Always makes it hot. Pun intended, heheheh."

******

"So, wot'z your namez?"

The Shas-ui spoke:

"I am Eimmoc. The smartest of this bunch, therefore a commander."

"Hey!" said all the other warriors.

"Okay! Rule-expert Wal is co-commander."

"YAY!!!"

"Anyway, you are?"

"I'z Nagosh Ubzug, boss of da Skull Smashaz!"

"I'z Gobroz. Flashgit and smartboy."

"Yeh, he iz! Darug'z da neim. I'z da Smashaz' mek, I'z fix brokun bitz."

"And I'z Muskit! And dis is little Ugu!"

Eimmoc looked at each member.

"My... you sure are a strange group."

"You'z cud say dat."

The canyon around them was wide, so they thankfully didn't have to move in a line.

But an ambush could be easily created.

The Bloodletter champion watched the whole group from above. He grinned and pointed at the canyon walls behind them with his left hand.

"Feel the Warp!"

A beam of pure Chaos energy hit its target and the canyon collapsed behind the group. Nebulon then jumped from his position and impacted the ground like a bomb, sending dirt everywhere. He looked at the group, his axe ready.

"We meet again, Nagosh Ubzug. And his foolish allies."

"Oy! Dynomic entry, much?"

"I suppose, warboss. Master Rakul sent me to prevent you from pestering us on Carridia."

"You an' wot army?"

"Heheheheheh. Come here, boys!"

From the now-only canyon entrance/exit came two units of Chaos marines. Rubrics and berserkers.

"Let us at 'em! Skulls for the skull throne!"

"Have fun!" he turned to Nagosh, "shall we, for old time's sake?"

"You'z bet! Let'z staaart da FIGHTIIIIN'!!!!"

Nagosh charged, along with Nebulon. Chain choppa' met rune-axe.

The Fire warriors shot and killed some of the approaching berserkers, but the marines were too many to simply get gunned down. That's where the remaining orks came in handy. While the green ones fought the close range berserkers, the Tau blasted rubrics to tiny bits.

Gobroz held his shoota's remains tightly and bashed the servants of Chaos with them. His attacks were fueled by a mixture of fury and sorrow. None stood in his way.

Darug literally snapped the marines to bits thanks to his powah klaw. His blasta' came in handy, too.

And then there was the duo, Muskit and Ugu. Muskit did his best to keep the berserkers occupied while Ugu bit them at different spots of their armour and eventually found weak spots in their knee joints. Loud screams filled with agony were loud.

-

"Damnit, he's too strong!" thought the daemon as he was smashed against the rock wall.

"Oy, daemun! You'z ain't so tuf as before! Wot'z da matta'?"

Was it those goodies Mithara made for him? Was he getting out of shape?

Nebulon's gaze trailed to the right, where he saw a few Tau aiming at him, waiting for a clear shot.

"Damn you all! We will meet again, Ubzug!"

Without another word on either side, Nebulon disappeared in that well-known cloud of smoke.

Nagosh turned to the remaining ones.

"All'z okey, flashgit Gobroz?"

"Yeh, boss!"

Muskit seemed happier for some reason.

"Yeh! And Ugu found a wittle toy, too!"

All of them looked at the little squig, who was using a berserker's boot as an improvised chew-toy.

Eimmoc commented:

"Most interesting... we should get going before the marines return again."

"Da Tauzy boy'z right, boss."

"I'z know, Darug! Let'z get runnin'!"

And so the group set off yet again, olivious to the small spider-like machine which followed them, sending information.

******

"Does it hurt, Neby?"

"I'll live."

Mithara was treating "Neby's" wounds with some unknown liquid. Nebulon learned, that asking some questions could give unwanted answers.

"Damnit! This is the same thing all over again! All's going fine, then comes a bunch of orks and ruins EVERYTHING!!!"

"Calm down, Rakul! I am sure, that this will end in a far more delicious way than our prievious quest."

"I certainly hope so. Are your forces ready?"

"Yeah, we're ready to check out some crap and then start pillaging big time."

"Yesssssss."

"Prepared with lots of noisy ordnance."

"Good. This battle is not over yet!"

******

Deep under Carridia's surface, two green eyes watched a monitor. Humans, orks, commies and... they.

"This shaaaall be a moooost interesting development."