Chapter 11: The Idiotic Invading Intruders

6:30

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Maid A smiled, content with dusting the main parlor while listening to the steady staccato of the grandfather clock ticking away. She was new to the job, but after a week she was used to the stately grandeur of the Second Suou mansion. She closed her eyes for a moment, allowing herself to soak in the serenity of an early Saturday morning. Maid A's peaceful trance was broken by a sharp rap to her forehead. Jolting back to reality, she noticed a frazzled looking woman in the same maid uniform as her. "Good morning, Maid B-san," said Maid A, wondering if she wanted her to wash the windows again. The older woman scowled at her. "Were you daydreaming again?"

Before she could reply, Maid B-san began promptly listing all of her mistakes, starting from Day 1. She finally concluded her lecture by mentioning that the young master was awake and was demanding a limo, 7 genuine safari hats "that real jungle explorers wear," and a machete.

"While the Young Master is changing and eating his breakfast, you will go find these items. I have already alerted the limo driver, so you can thank me later."
"But where am I going to--"

"Don't you understand? This is your chance to redeem yourself! Now go!" Poor Maid A scurried off, thinking that even though Tamaki was ridiculously handsome, there must be a few screws in his head not screwed in tight enough. As if someone up above was agreeing with her, there came a loud thud, then a muffled shout of, "I'm okay!" Rolling her eyes, Maid A double-timed it to the phone to make a few calls.

Tamaki all but flew down the stairs to the dining room, too excited to think about anything else beside his brilliant plan. Now that he had Yuki's home address (courtesy of Kyoya), nothing could prevent the Host Club from visiting! And what better time to visit than such a fine Saturday morning? He would get to see his cute daughter in something other than Ouran's boys' uniform! Tamaki's Inner-mind theater went haywire, picturing Haruhi in almost every type of outfit his fertile imagination could think of, leaving him frozen with a starry look in his bright eyes. Snapped out of his self-induced trance by a maid informing him that the limo was ready, he ran outside, deaf to the cries of, "Master! Your breakfast!"

6:43

After an hour of kendo practice and a quick shower, Mori was ready for breakfast. He was just sitting down when Tamaki stormed in, babbling excitedly about some "fantastic plan!"

"Suou-sama is here, Young Master," said the main housekeeper, a tad unnecessarily.

"Ah." Roughly translated, it meant, "I noticed. Good morning, Tamaki. What are you doing here?" But since he was a man of little words, one syllable would have to suffice. Besides, his kouhai talked enough for the two of them. Hmm...he probably should pay attention to what Tamaki was ranting about.

"...just brilliant?" The Host Club King was looking expectantly at him, so Mori answered with his usual monosyllabic "un" that answered almost any question.

Beaming brightly, the energetic blond left as abruptly as he came, pulling on the slightly bewildered teen, who barely had time to grab a riceball before being ushered into Tamaki's limo.

"Will we be picking up the rest of the Host Club? What about Mitsukuni?" was what Mori wanted to ask; however, he was not one to waste words, so he selected the most important one: "Mitsukuni?"

Bouncing on his seat like an excited child, Tamaki said, "Of course! We're picking up the whole Host Club. Driver, to the Haninozuka estate!"

While the driver was slowly backing out of the spacious driveway, the King of the Host Club pulled out a safari hat and threw it to Mori, then plopped another one on his own pretty little head.

"These are the special safari hats that genuine explorers wear! I had them specially ordered this morning, but I couldn't get a machete, so a hiking stick will have to do."

After examining the crude stitching and coarse material, the observant teen flipped the hat inside out.

Product of Toys R' Us; Made in China, the tag read.

So much for special safari hats...

6:50

"I am not drinking that crap," Kyo stated flatly.

"I'm sorry Kyo-kun, but all the books say it's the best thing for a cold," said Tohru, pushing the bowl of putrid, foul-smelling, green liquid…stuff next to his face. The orange cat's nose wrinkled, thanking the gods that at least his nose was stuffy. Then he remembered his current predicament and decided to take his gratitude back.

"Besides," Tohru continued sensibly, "You have to regain your strength so you can transform back."

Poking his head out from his study, Shigure whined, "Tohru-kun woke up very early and used all of her love and compassion to cook that leek soup for you, Kyo. My precious flower, if that scoundrel won't drink it, I will! If he suffers a little more, maybe he'll learn to wear a jacket when he's running in the frosty mornings. And maybe he won't collapse and transform on the porch."

"Shaddup!" snarled Kyo, baring his teeth at the snickering author.

Even though Kyo already refused three times, Tohru valiantly tried again. "Ano, Kyo-kun, are you sure you don't want—"

"I'm positively, absolutely, 100 percent sure that I don't want any of that crap!" was what Kyo was trying to say; however, due to his stuffy nose, it came out more like this: "I'm pozuhitivlee, abhzolutlee, un hundred perrsent surr zat I dun wantuh anyee off zat krap!"

"Try hand-feeding him with a spoon and a smile, Tohru-kun," suggested Shigure, enjoying the blush that stained her ears and the back of her neck. He was sure if he could see past the orange fur, Kyo would also be blushing.

"W-wat zuh 'ell?!" snapped the cat. "I'll 'rink it by myselfuh!"

Tohru beamed as Kyo grudgingly started lapping at the soup, grimacing once in a while. "Kyo-kun, after this, do you want to go to your room or stay out here?"

Kyo was going to say, "Go to my room and sleep until dinner, of course," then he realized that he didn't trust his wobbly paws to carry him upstairs. If he fell, Shigure would laugh until he pissed his pants and Tohru would see him fail! Worse, she would probably wrap her soft, warm arms around his frail body and carry him upstairs. And since the universe has a twisted sense of humor, the damn rat would probably wake up and see him at the exact moment when…oh, the horror! The humiliation! He would rather stay out here and make sure Tohru didn't try to cook another bowl of leek soup.

"Stay down 'ere."

She nodded with a look like she understood everything. "Yes. It's such nice weather today. It'll be a shame if you're cooped up in your room all day. Ah, I should get you a blanket! I'll be right back!"

As she hurried away, Shigure sighed as he watched her run upstairs. "Only a fool would pass up a chance to have such a beautiful flower hand-feed him or carry him upstairs and tuck him to bed." With a meaningful glance at the cat, he retreated back to his study. Finishing the last bit of soup, Kyo glowered at the bitter aftertaste. Then…

"HEY! Damn dog, you calling me a fool?!"

7:00

"Yay! Cake!" squealed Hani cutely, digging into his "breakfast." Chika, his younger brother, suppressed a shudder as Hani started to chomp his way through the four-tiered wedding cake. He had woken up at 5:30 and was training in the dojo while his elder brother was lazing around in bed and gorging himself on deserts with a calorie count higher than his birth year.

Speaking of the slugabed…Chika sweatdropped when he saw Hani offering a bite to his stuffed rabbit. Is he for real?

Seeing Chika stare at him disbelievingly, Hani clarified, "Usa-chan likes chocolate cake better."

Suddenly, the cream-colored double doors swung open and in tromped two teens—their cousin and the blond idiot, Tamaki Suou.

"Takashi! Tama-chan!" cheered the loli-shota, jumping up and attaching himself around Mori's waist. "Why are you guys here?"

"Good morning, Hani-sempai!" trilled the self-proclaimed king. "We're going on a little visit today."

"Yay! Where's Hika-chan and Kao-chan and Haru-chan and Kyo-chan and Yu-chan?"

"We're going to pick them up and visit Yuki today!" burbled Tamaki, thrilled at the chance to explain his brilliant plan.

"Wahh! Let's go!"

Hopping off the mahogany chair, Hani ran after them, his plush rabbit on his shoulders, and stuck his arms out like the wings of an airplane.

That was a first. His elder brother had abandoned his cake in favor of his friends. Turning back to the table, Chika gasped when he saw a large platter, with only a few crumbs to indicate there used to be a cake. Spinning quickly to face the door again, he caught sight of their retreating backs. Just before the portal swung closed, he could glimpse that pink rabbit looking over its velveteen shoulder and…smirking at him?!

"AAAHHH!"

7:18

"Ohayo, Tono, Mori-sempai, Hani-sempai!" chimed Hikaru and Kaoru, climbing into the back of the limo. Kaoru was clutching a paper bag: offerings to Shigure, the master of the house, when they went to intrude. Somehow, only the twins had known about this event beforehand and prepared accordingly.

"Eh? Where's Haruhi and Kyoya-sempai?"

"We're going to pick up my precious daughter right now, you devilish twins! Here, put these on."

As Mori passed them the giant plastic bag, they reached in gingerly and pulled out one safari hat each.

"What are these? They're so ugly!" chorused the twins.

"Look at the stitching!"

"And the material! It's so…what's the word, Kaoru?"

"Unsophisticated?"

"Exactly. Did you buy this from a third world country, Tono?"

"Unscrupulous ingrates! I'll have you know I had to express-order them in from a faraway, exotic country this morning!"

Flipping the hat inside out, Kaoru made the same discovery Mori had earlier. After pointing it out to his brother, their cheeks turn red and expanded in a desperate attempt to keep their wild laughter in.

It was futile.

"BWAHAHAHAHA!" screeched the twins, tears of mirth spurting from their eyes. "'Faraway, exotic country?' More like a commoners' toy store!"

"What?"

"Eeh? Tama-chan, they're right!" exclaimed Hani, who had pulled off his own hat and was checking the tag inside.

Throwing the hat to their lord's face, another round of laughter erupted when they saw his expression.

"T-this…this is…"

"Devastating? Dreadful? Terrible?" offered the twins between bouts of snickers.

"No. This is…WONDERFUL!"

Their laughter stopped immediately, like someone turned the faucet off.

"Eh?"

"This hat," Tamaki continued, looking at the crumpled piece of cheap camouflage material reverently, "Is a genuine part of the commoner's lifestyle. How many of us, the wealthy, have seen it before? We must wear it with pride!"

With that dramatic conclusion, he plopped the sun-hat back on Kaoru's spiky head of hair.

That stupid speech did it. The fountain of laughter opened again, this time on full force.

As the limo slowly pulled away from the curb, the twins' shrieks could still be heard from inside the house. Upstairs, their mother Yuzuha Hitachiin smiled ruefully. It had been so long since she heard that sound and even longer since she had been the reason for her boys' laughter. She was always so busy, flying to some fashion show or another and designing for arrogant celebrities, that she never had any time to spend with them anymore.

A sharp twinge of regret pierced her heart, and suddenly, she felt very, very old.

7:37

Under a soft downy blanket, basking in the meager rays of the winter sun, Kyo felt more or less content, even if he was currently stuck in his Jyuunishi form.

His stomach growled in protest, still disgruntled over that leek soup. But he did have to grudgingly admit his nose was clearing up and his vertigo had gone away. Tohru had wanted to give him Tylenol, but couldn't figure out the correct amount to give him. Kyo had a little internal chuckle when he remembered her confusion after reading the dosage instructions. Should she give him the amount that he would have taken in his regular body, or was that too dangerous? He only weighed about 5 pounds, but that was the equivalent of a less-than-two year old baby, and she was supposed to contact her physician for information. After reading that sentence, she brightened and went to call Hatori, who told her it was best not to give Kyo any medicine at all until he regained the energy to transform back. Currently, if too much Tylenol entered his bloodstream, he would probably be poisoned. Who knew what cats were allergic to?

After hearing that, Tohru exploded with apologies: how she almost killed Kyo, how she wasted "Hatori-san's valuable time," how she left Shigure hungry because she was caring for Kyo, who she almost poisoned, and how she hadn't even woken Yuki yet. Finally, Shigure gently pried the phone from the frantic girl's deathgrip and said a cheery farewell to the family doctor before hanging up. Then he smoothly escorted Tohru to the kitchen and asked her to reheat the pot of leek soup for their breakfast. She calmed down and started working, focused on completing her task. Kyo stared, glassy-eyed, at the grinning dog, who just meandered back to his room.

Whadda know? The mutt's good for something after all.

Lifting his head to the gray sky, he took an experimental breath through his mouth. Whiskers twitching, he detected the taste of rain, even with his clogged nasal passages. Strangely, it always reminded him of freshly-cut grass or green apples.

Great. On top of being sick, I have to deal with the rain too? I'm never going to transform back…

Then…

If that damn rat laughs at me, I'll punch his face in.

7:42

"Are we there yet?"

Silence greeted Hani's question.

He waited, twisting his childlike lips into an adorable pout.

"…Are we there yet?"

"For the 287th time, NO!" bellowed Hikaru, who was slightly irritated himself.

He jumped, then his cherubic face scrunched up and fat tears welled in his eyes. Silently, Mori draped a strong arm across his cousin's shoulders, letting him bawl into his side.

Kaoru smacked his brother's arm, snapping, "Be nice!" But if one examined his tone and the slight lilt of his lips, one could deduce that shouting like Hikaru was exactly what he wanted to do so badly.

"Tono, next time, pick Haruhi up first, okay?" asked Kaoru, rubbing the bridge of his nose in a failed attempt to ward off a coming migraine. His twin saw through the seemingly innocent gesture and worriedly passed him a can of milk tea from the mini-fridge. Pressing the cold can against his throbbing temples helped, and he gave Hikaru a small smile to reassure him.

Sulking, Tamaki moaned, "How would I know that commoners live so far away?"

Hani, who had stopped crying, pressed a button and the privacy divider between the driver and the passengers slid down.

"Driver-san, are we there yet?"

The elderly driver tore his eyes away from the road for a quick glimpse at who was speaking to him, and then focused on the GPS. "Yes, young master. We are nearly there."

"Yay! Takashi, did you hear that? We're almost at Haru-chan's house!"

"Un."

Staring out the tinted windows, Hikaru blinked as they coasted past a petite brunette, concentrating very hard on a piece of paper clutched in her lithe fingers.

"Hey…Isn't that…? HEY! Stop this car!"

As the limo screeched to a gear-grinding halt, Haruhi looked up, and then almost dropped her grocery list out of shock.

"Tamaki-sempai! What are you guys doing here?" she asked, squinting at the innocently angelic face that appeared when the window rolled down.

"Hello Haruhi!" chorused the twins, elbowing their way to the front.

"Devilish twins! Get off me!"

Hani also squirmed on top of the poor King, resting his chin on Hikaru's ginger hair.

"Haru-chan!"

"Hani-sempai? Is Mori-sempai there too?"

"Yup! Takashi says hi!"

Everyone's favorite crossdresser doubted that her stoic upperclassman actually talked, but went along with it anyway.

"Where's Kyoya-sempai?" He's the only rational person here I can speak to.

"No time for questions, just get in!"

Before she could figure out what happened, the twins opened the door and sucked her inside the dark, sinister innards of the ridiculously unpractical car.

"Eeh! W-wait!"

A car door slammed shut, then they drove away, leaving a crumpled piece of paper with the words "eggs, rice, and sashimi" floating in the wind.

Glaring at the snickering twins, she snapped, "You made me drop my shopping list!"

Then…

"Eh? Where's Kyoya-sempai and Yuki-kun?"

"We're going to visit Yu-chan's house today!" chirped Hani, bouncing on the leather seats excitedly.

Arching her eyebrow skeptically, she asked, "Does he know you're coming?"

"Weeeell, define 'know.'"

"Tamaki-sempai!"

"It's more fun if it's a surprise!" argued Tamaki.

"Wouldn't it be easier if we all meet at a designated area beforehand?"

Seeing him mulling over her question with a disturbed look, she slumped down between Hikaru and Mori, groaning resignedly.

7:58

The creature breathed in the scent of fresh detergent that clung to his silk sheets. French lavender, its mind noted absently.

Shrouded in darkness, it was a barely visible lump under the layers of perfumed sheets. The notorious black notebook was resting on its white desk, while its cell phone, wallet, and frameless glasses lay on top of the two bedside tables, also stark white.

It took another deep inhale. Its mind briefly wondered why that blonde idiot—what was his name again?—hadn't disturbed his sleep with annoying phone calls yet.

Tick tick tick tick. The small alarm clock, battered so badly that it was a miracle it was still working, was, for lack of a better verb, ticking busily away next to his ear. Grumbling discontentedly, it flopped over to the other side of his king-sized mattress to escape that irritating, repetitive noise. A stray thought floated across its mind: why did clocks tick? Why couldn't they go shloop? But even that would get old after a while. Maybe if the sound changed every 10 seconds…

Suddenly, a mind-numbingly bright light flooded its lair. Growling, it buried his head under the thick pillow. Above it, it could detect half-whispered conversations.

"Are you sure this is safe?" Its mind briefly conjured up a blurry image of a petite girl at the sound of her soft voice.

"Don't worry! He's a total creature of instinct right now, so it's relatively safe." Two voices, decidedly male. For some unknown reason, it gave the creature a migraine just hearing their annoying voices.

"Haru-chan, you never saw Kyo-chan's low blood pressure evil demon lord side, have you?" Cute, cute, fluffy, sugary, cute. Its teeth started to hurt.

Blessed silence for a while. It, no, Kyoya remembered his name and wondered why the light was still on. Then…

"Poke." A small finger jabbed into his side. Retreating even further into the blankets, he grumbled softly.

"Kyo-chan's really tired today! He hasn't sat up and snarled at us yet," reported the blonde sempai, straightening up.

"Great! Then we can do this!"

With an exaggerated yell, Tamaki peeled away all three blankets at once.

"Quick! Grab him!" Before the groggy demon lord could reach out and try to reclaim his quilts, around a dozen hands grabbed at his pajamas.

"Wait! What are you doing?" asking Haruhi, craning her neck over the rough semicircle that had formed around Kyoya's bed. Hani had just scampered off and returned with a huge pile of clothes, dumping them into the fray.

Hikaru turned around with a pair of designer jeans clutched in his hands. "You want to help Okaa-san change?" he asked innocently, snapping the pants in her direction. Through the gap that Hikaru had left behind, she could glimpse Tamaki energetically ripping open his semiconscious friend's buttoned top, exposing pale, creamy skin.

With an uncharacteristic "eep," she turned around quickly, face flaming red.

"I thought not," snickered the Hitachiin, turning around again.

Waiting patiently, she could hear grunts, exclamations of pain, and the soft rustling of clothes along with the rest of the Host Club debating which shirt looked better with the wash of the jeans. After five minutes, they were finally done playing "Dress-up Kyoya" and had hoisted him onto Mori's back. As they were turning to leave, she exclaimed, "Wait!" Running to his nightstand, she scooped up his cell phone and wallet. The glasses were already perched haphazardly on the bridge of his nose, thanks to Hani.

"Ah! My precious daughter is so considerate and sweet to her okaa-san!" gushed Tamaki, running forward to hug her. Dodging from his grasping arms, she quickly shoved the items into Kyoya's pockets and speed-walked back to the limo, pursued by a wailing king and two grinning twins.

After they all piled back into the car and carefully leaned their slumbering vice president against the closed car door, Hani exclaimed, "Yay! Everyone's here! Let's go to Yu-chan's house!"

As the driver pulled out of the Ootori's vast estate, Tamaki pulled out a small map and carefully poured over it, nodding occasionally and murmuring, "Mm-hmm."

Curious, she peered over to see what he was studying so intently. On that crumpled piece of paper was what looked like chicken scratches. No, to be more precise, it looked like a blind chicken with ADD, hyped up on caffeine, had tangoed across the page, dragging a blunt pencil behind it. Sweatdropping at that strange image, she wondered how in the world he could actually understand that. Was it some secret code? Then, she noticed a small line of kanji upside down on the page. Grabbing the sheet of paper from his hands, she turned it around so the text was facing the right way, then handed it back to her sheepishly grinning senpai.

"Ehehe…'Map to Yuki Sohma's House,'" he read out loud. "Oh. No wonder Kyoya gave this to me!"

Kyoya-senpai? Surprised, she turned to the sleeping teen, head resting on an unmoving Mori's shoulder. If Renge was there, she would have thought she died and gone to her own private otaku heaven, screaming "MOE" all the way. Did he plan all of this? There's probably a merit for him in all of this. Satisfied with her own conclusion, she leaned back on the extravagant leather interior. Suddenly, her view was obscured by a dark something landing on her head. Pulling the safari hat off her tousled locks, she stared, puzzled at her senpai's uncharacteristic action. Mori just silently put the now-empty bag away and nodded at her. Smiling softly, she shrugged and put it back on, noticing that everybody else had theirs' on. Despite the twins' earlier protests, the hideous camouflage-patterned sunhats were still being worn, jauntily cocked to cover one eye.

Join the club.

8:13

"I'm going out!" exclaimed Tohru, slipping into her shoes.

"Where is my precious flower going?" questioned Shigure, poking his head out from his study again.

"The last of the leeks have to be harvested before the first snow sets in," she explained, hopping clumsily on one foot, then the other to shove her heels into the sneakers. "Besides, I need them to make Kyo-kun's leek soup."

"I dun kneed zat krap!"

"Language, Kyon-kyon!"

"Dun't kall me zat!"

"I'll be back soon," she called, grabbing a straw basket on her way out the door.

Lightly jumping off the porch, she walked into the woods, following the worn trail that meandered through the trees. The sun trickled through the thick foliage and cast dancing spots of light across her blue jacket. Birds chattered incessantly to each other, along with the barely noticeable plip-plop of morning dew sliding off leaves and hitting the damp ground. The whole world smelled earthy and new, cleansed in last night's drizzle of rain.

Finally reaching the small patch of Yuki's vegetable garden, she noticed, somewhat forlornly, that it was bare, save for a few ripe leeks still stuck in the soil. Bending down, she started to tug at one, determined to harvest all of them before the owner of this secret base woke up. She had been worried about him lately. On top of going to that wealthy school, he had to follow Akito's strange request, stay on top of his schoolwork, report to the main house almost every other day, and help her with her own homework, which she utterly detested. He was already working so hard, no thanks to her. Although she knew he was perfectly capable of taking care of himself, Tohru worried that he might be pushing himself too hard, trying to live up to everyone's demands. Also, she wasn't the only one who missed him terribly at school. Mokoto and the rest of her cronies had finally made the heart-wrenching decision to postpone the activities of the Prince Yuki Fanclub indefinitely. Now, they were mere ghosts of their lively selves, haunting the corridors and scaring the wits out of students unfortunate enough to cross their paths. Kyo had become more popular than ever, with more than half the girls in the school pestering him for answers. Poor Kyo-kun. No wonder he got sick…the stress must have finally got to him…

While our heroine was ruminating over the events that the lazy authoress had not written about and decided to shove in here, the stubborn leek she had been pulling on finally gave way, and she fell backwards with a little scream.

Staring up at the bright blue sky, vegetable still clutched in her hand, Tohru laid still for a moment, trying to catch her breath. Suddenly, she heard something that you usually didn't hear on a peaceful Saturday morning in the Sohma woods: voices. In the distance, she thought she heard a faint shriek. A chill crawled up her spine. What if the scary story Hana told about the headless banshee searching for her pumpkin head for all eternity was true?!

Scrambling to her feet, she kept a death-grip on the muddy leek, holding it in front of her like a make-shift, slightly-wilted sword. Inching forward, she peered behind the large trunk of a nearby tree. She could see things moving around in the woods, far away from the little dirt trail. They looked vaguely humanoid, except for the tallest one, who had a strange lump on its back. Even though she was sorely tempted to run away screaming, she stood her ground. One could call Tohru Honda ditzy, naïve, and not that bright, but one could never say she was not brave. Squinting harder, she briefly wondered, Who are they?

"Face it, Tono! We're lost." intoned the twins, tramping after an increasingly desperate-looking blonde.

"W-we aren't lost! I know exactly where we are. We're just…taking the scenic route!"

"Weren't we on a trail just a while ago?" wondered Haruhi out loud, staring at her muddy shoes.

"Takashi, where are we?" whimpered Hani, staring around the "creepy, dark forest."

Mori just shrugged, shifting a sleeping Kyoya, who was on his back again, to a more comfortable position.

"We could have stayed in the limo and drove around 'til we actually found the house, but noooo! Great idiotic explorer Tono wanted us to hop off at the side of the road, convinced that we could find out way there without a compass and a pathetic excuse for a map!"

"Quiet, you unscrupulous twins! We're also enjoying nature!"

Hikaru muttered a very un-genteel word that should never be said in front of a lady when he tripped over his third root in less than five minutes. "They should just clear-cut the whole forest and build something useful," he grumbled, rubbing his sore ankle.

"This place is terrible," agreed Kaoru, pulling out his top-of-the-line cell phone. "There's no reception."

"No path to walk on," added his twin.

"No servants in sight."

"No house in sight."

"No transportation."

"No—"

"QUIET!"

It was silent for a few moments until Haruhi asked, "Shouldn't we wake up Kyoya-senpai? Maybe he can tell us how to get there."

That was a pretty good plan, but nobody was stupid enough to disturb the demon lord from his sleep and face the full brunt of his fury when he discovered they were in the middle of nowhere.

Then, Mori said, "Mitsukuni. Tree."

Hani brightened, and without a word, kicked off his shoes and socks, and bounded up the tallest tree in sight. Less than a minute later, the rest of the Host Club could see their shortest member waving to them fifteen feet up in the air.

"Mori-senpai! Is that safe?" Tamaki asked, squinting at the loli-shota.

"No."

"Eeeh?!"

"To Mitsukuni, however, it is easy."

They breathed a sigh of relief before Haruhi yelled, "Hani-senpai! What do you see?"

"What did you saaay?"

"I said, WHAT DO YOU SEE?"

"OHH!"

Silence for a while as he scanned their surroundings.

"I SEE THE TRAIL!"

Cheers all around. "WHAT ABOUT YUKI-KUN'S HOUSE?"

"I CAN'T SEE ANY HOUS…WAIT! I SEE A WOODEN SHACK OVER THERE!"

"A shack?" she asked, turning to examine Tamaki's map.

"There's no shack on the map," said Tamaki.

"What's that little smudge over there?" she questioned, pointing at a dark blot on the wrinkled piece of paper.

"That's just dirt."

"COME DOWN FROM THERE, HANI-SENPAI!"

They watched in amazement as he swung from limb to limb like a monkey, finally jumping from four feet when there were no more branches. When Hani stepped away, there were two deep footprints in the spongy earth.

"All right! Now that we know where the trail is, we can get back on track!" exclaimed Tamaki, strutting forward, puffed up with self-importance.

"I thought you said you already knew where we were," said Haruhi, the soft snickers of the twins accompanying her innocent question.

"H-haruhi! You're so mean!"

They were getting closer! She could hear their ringing shouts, echoing through the vast expanse of forest. He breathing became shallower as their terrible alien screams reached her ears. Convinced that she was safe hiding behind her tree, she stiffened when she realized that once they rounded the trunk, they would find her and take her away and do weird experiments on her and turn her into one of them! Her scrambled thought were running around and around, sending unclear messages to her feet. She tripped and fell, unconsciously letting out a little scream. Lying still on the ground, she prayed to any god that cared to listen to save her. Unfortunately, the deities seemed to have ignored her, as she could hear their steps coming her way.

Jumping up and brandishing her crushed leek, she waved it around wildly. "D-don't come any closer!" Brave words, if it weren't for her stutter and eyes clenched shut.

"Tohru-chan?"

Peeking through her thick lashes, she could make out the face of one of Yuki's friends. "F-fujioka-kun?"

"Haruhi is fine."

"Ah! Okay."

Suddenly, strong hands whisked her away, twirling her around and around. "My darling hime! If you have not rescued this brave band of knights, we would have perished in the shadowy, malevolent woods, cut down in the bloom of our youth!"

"E-eh?" She gaped at the handsome blonde teen—Tamaki Suou, she vaguely recalled—who was clasping her hands to his chest.

"We, the heroic, manly band of seven, shall give you anything your sweet heart of innocence desires! Perhaps a glistening sapphire, the hue of your lovely eyes? Or a flock of white doves, as pure and noble as your heart? Or…" his voice dropped a delicious octave, the special one he reserved for hosting. "…a kiss of gratitude, one from each of us?"

"E-EEEH?" Shocked beyond belief, Tohru's face turned 53 different shades of red before nearly falling over.

"Tamaki-senpai!" scolded Haruhi, gently grabbing onto her fellow female's shoulders. The twins had been awaiting the usual "KYAAA" that accompanied an elaborate speech from their lord, but they were surprised when she just seemed flustered and embarrassed, looking awkwardly, painfully shy.

How…refreshing. Commoner girls really are something else.

"Hn?" He stared at the commoner girl, blushing not because of desire, but from pure mortification. Was he losing his touch? The horror! But didn't she live with Yuki and was constantly surrounded by other hot men? Maybe…maybe he was no match compared to the Sohmas: beauty ran rampant in their blood after all.

…NOOOOOO!

Tamaki's brain died.

Hani sighed to himself and shook his head. Had it not occurred to their king that Tohru Honda was just the rare type of girl who was blissfully innocent? Seeing him short-circuiting, he concluded, Apparently not.

"We'd hate to interrupt, but how do we get out of this place?"asked Kaoru and Hikaru, bringing the focus back to their current position.

"Ah! Are you here to visit Yuki-kun?" questioned Tohru, brushing the dirt off her jacket and picking up the still-empty basket. "He'll be very happy!" Then she noticed the softly snoring lump that Mori was still patiently shouldering. "Eh? Is that Ootori-san?" she asked, peering up to catch a glimpse of the sleeping teen. "He'll catch a cold if we stay out here too long! Everybody, please follow me."

As the Host Club hurried to catch up to the surprisingly surefooted girl, Haruhi wondered why she had been so desperate and genuinely worried over the health of someone she barely knew. Maybe…

The leek lay forgotten on the cold ground, destined never to be made into soup.

"This is it?" gaped the twins, staring at the two-storied Japanese home Tohru had led them to.

"Hani-senpai, wasn't this the shack you were referring to?" asked Tamaki.

The loli-shota was about to answer until something caught his attention. "Wahh…neko-chan!"

On the porch, covered with a quilt and accompanied by a box of tissues, was an orange cat, dozing in the meager sunlight.

"That's Ky—" Suddenly realizing what she was about to say, she froze and dragged out the "y" sound, sweating when she felt the curious stares of the other teens. Finally, she broke it off with a very phony cough and said the first thing her panicky brain, which was having a bit of a meltdown, could think of.

"Stripes! That's his name!"

Everyone stared doubtfully at the cat, which was now wide awake and obviously stripe-less. Even the feline was looking disbelievingly at her, as if saying, That was the best you could think of?

She gave a little shrug. Gomen ne, Kyo-kun. Just try to act catlike, please!

Disgruntled, he gave a sour-sounding "mrowr."

"Stripes-chan! Kawaii!" giggled Hani, seemingly unbothered by its strange name, squatting down to pet it.

Tohru cast a shy glance at the tall senior, who still hadn't set his kouhai down yet. "If you bring Ootori-san inside, I could get him a blanket," she said hesitantly. Nodding, he obediently followed her, bending over to cross the threshold.

Haruhi couldn't see what the twins were surprised about. It was a nice, large house, quite isolated from the noise of traffic that always seemed to linger around her condo. Roomy enough for four people, yet big enough to accommodate more if needed. In fact, she had a feeling that it often did, with all the gorgeous Sohmas running around.

Entering through the shoji doors, which looked like they had seen better days, she wondered out loud, "Where is everyone else?"

Tohru, who had just returned with a blanket, replied, "Shigure-san's in his study, Yuki-kun is still sleeping, and Kyo-kun is…resting." Only Haruhi noticed her miniscule pause and was about to ask what she meant; however, she kept quiet because something in Tohru's eyes begged her to.

By now, everyone had taken off their shoes and stepped onto the tatami mats. Tamaki had spied the electric kotatsu in the middle of the room and had made a beeline to it, snuggling under the heavy blanket joyfully.

"Haruhi, look! It's a kotatsu!"

"How can Tono get so excited over commoners' things?"

"Commoners?" asked Tohru, tilting her head marginally to the right.

Tamaki plowed on, trying to convince the twins about the incredible innovations of the lower class. "Commoners are really creative. Have you ever tried sitting under one of these?"

With a nonchalant shrug, Hikaru and Kaoru sauntered over and slid under the wonderful warmth. A few moments later, they silently agreed that sometimes, on rare occasions, their childish president could be right.

"Ah, Tohru, this is for you," remembered Kaoru, pulling out the paper bag that they had prepared for their visit. Peeking inside, the delighted girl exclaimed, "Wagashi!"

Arranged in neat concentric circles were cakes expertly prepared in various shapes, sizes, and colors. Some of them bore striking resemblance to small animals such as rabbits and birds; others had been made in the shape of common flowers like roses and violets. "They look delicious! Ah, I'll make some tea to go along with them, ne?"

Placing the wagashi on the table, she hurried off to find the Darjeeling tea leaves, leaving the Host Club alone with an orange cat. Kyoya was now sprawled across the tatami mats, covered with a blanket, courtesy of Tohru.

Suddenly, they heard a shoji door being slid open and soft footsteps padding down the hallway. "Tohru-kun, is that you?" Turning the corner, Shigure saw five curious teens staring up at him, one unconscious demon lord on his floor, and a little boy who could have been Momiji's younger brother petting his disgruntled orange cousin, currently in "cat-mode."

"Who are you people and why are you in my house?"

"Good morning, Shigure-san! Want a wagashi?" asked the twins, offering the box of sweets.

"Ah, You're Yuki's friends from Ouran, right? Welcome to my humble home."

"We're sorry for intruding so suddenly," apologized Tamaki, all charm and grace.

"No problem at all, Tamaki-kun! We're just glad that Yuki-kun joined a club and made friends. By the way, what club are you in?"

The twins started snickering uncontrollably while Haruhi choked on a bite of dessert. Tamaki, oblivious to their reactions, beamed with delight as he talked about his pride and joy, the Host Club he had founded last year, going into explicit detail over their less savory adventures. Sneaking a glance at Shigure's amused expression, the sole female of the group wondered what he was thinking about. Sometimes he could be so hard to read.

"…and then Yuki joined us, and that's where the glorious young Hosts are today!" After concluding his speech, Tamaki beamed happily, staring expectantly at his audience of one.

"That's amazing…"

"Eh?" voiced the rest of the Hosts, confused.

"Ah, if only Hari or Aya thought it up ealier," continued Shigure, reminiscing about days gone by. "Why, when The Mabudachi Trio was in high school, we weren't too unpopular ourselves!" Shigure chuckled as a perverted memory flitted across his mind. "We have some picture albums around here. Now, where did…Ah! Tohru-kun!" he greeted his resident flower, who was carefully balancing cups of fragrant tea on a tray. "Do you remember where the photo album Aya brought last time is?"

After she carefully set down the tray and thanked them for waiting, she replied, "Yes, Shigure-san! I'll go get them. Please excuse me."

Bowing slightly to her guests, she quickly scurried off to fulfill her guardian's request. Tamaki sighed internally as he followed the others' example and took a sip of the delicious tea. It really is delectable, he thought, slightly surprised. If only all commoner girls were so respectful and sweet like Tohru. Why couldn't his darling, misbehaved, tomboyish daughter act like this virtuous angel, who was the quintessence of femininity? Suddenly, the first inklings of a plan emerged from nowhere. The corners of his lips quirked upwards as he watched Tohru hurry back, a cute expression on her pretty-plain face as she struggled with the heavy box of old memories.

Why not?

A/N: hello hello :D

Sorry for not updating for...months. been having unhappy times recently. :P

my kitty passed away in August and today is the second monthaversary of his journey to the Great Litterbox in the Sky...

I got so depressed that my parents wanted me to see a therapist because they were convinced I was turning emo on them. O.o i would disagree, but i noticed all the depressed, dark bits in this chapter...

sigh. feeling better recently. adopted another kitty named Kuki (pronounced Cookie). Have been working on this chapter bit by bit for all these months. it turned out longer than I thought: 6997 words!! twice my usual amount! woot. :D

well, things are starting to get interesting! thanks to all the readers who reviewed and hopefully will for this chapter.

staying strong,

mimi-chan

PS: the cosplay poll from chapter 10 is still ongoing and the results will probably be announced either in chapter 12 or 13, okay?

coolness.