Chapter 13: The Angels
It tastes crunchy, kind of like hay, mused Haruhi, giving whatever was occupying her mouth another thoughtful nibble. Smells like strawberries though. Have they invented strawberry-flavored hay already?
After a few more minutes pondering, her unusually sluggish brain concluded that it would be smarter to open her eyes to find out.
When Haruhi Fujioka cracked her eyelids open, her addled mind registered three facts:
FACT ONE: The crunchy hay-like substance? It was Tohru's hair.
FACT TWO: There was a miniscule amount of sunlight filtering through the partially-drawn curtains.
FACT THREE: And it burned her poor eyes. Really bad.
She hissed in pain as she curled up in a ball, cradling her buzzing forehead in her hands. How had this happened? The last thing she remembered was watching this childish anime and the next thing she knew, she was lying on a pink bed (which she concluded it to be Tohru's) next to said girl, currently unconscious.
Crawling over her friend's prone body, Haruhi staggered downstairs, passing Yuki and Kyo's rooms, which were also dead quiet.
Wandering to the kitchen in search of water, she passed a snickering Shigure, huddled next to the television.
"Shigure-san," she called, watching as he jumped and fearfully glanced over his shoulder before relaxing at the sight of her untidy appearance.
How suspicious.
"Haruhi-kun! Ohayo," he grinned, boyishly handsome face crinkling up into a genuine grin. "You must be tired, with what happened last night."
"What happened last night?"
"Ara? You don't remember?" Upon seeing her shake her head, he motioned her over to the television, scotching over to make room for her. She noticed that he hadn't been watching a program; rather, he had plugged in a small silver camcorder to the screen.
"Watch this." Then he pressed play.
All the jumbled memories came flooding back to her astonished brain as she watched the chaotic scene unfold on the bright screen (which also really burned her eyes). There she was, acting like a bubbleheaded ditz, "conversing" with a hyperactive Tohru…and there was a jittery Tamaki, seniors acting uncharacteristically, and…was that Hikaru and Kyoya?
"Oh Kami-sama," she gasped. Oh Mother in Heaven…I am speechless.
The footage also showed the aftermath: Shigure confiscating their tea (while Hani bemoaned his loss bitterly), forcing them to drink plenty of water (why is Kaoru splashing his twin?), and then sending them off to bed (while a slightly more sober Kyoya insisted that he was not going within thirty feet of that "indecent moron," Hikaru).
"I also got some pictures too," sang Shigure, waiving a pink digital camera around. "Aya would love some, and maybe Hatori—he could use them as a visual aide when teaching kids the dangers of underaged drinking—and I could sell the rest off the internet! Maybe we should title them as 'Bishies Gone Wild: Drunk Edition!' What do you think?"
During his idiotic babble, she had apparently regained the ability to speak. "What do I think? What do I think? I think that if you ever release this, you should be prepared to leave Japan." An image of a smiling Kyoya saying, "You can run…" flitted across her mind and she shuddered briefly.
"How serious. Don't you know the meaning of a joke?" pouted Shigure, nudging her playfully with his shoulder.
Breathing a sigh of relief, she held out a hand for the tape, but was unpleasantly surprised when he refused, saying something about "keeping these for my own amusement."
Before Haruhi protested, Tohru stumbled downstairs, hair disheveled and clothes wrinkled. At this point, Shigure discreetly snuck all incriminating evidence into his voluminous sleeves. "Good morning," she yawned, rubbing her eyes sleepily before realizing something that made her eyes widen in shock. "Ah…morning?! Breakfast!"
As she scrambled— more like staggered— to the kitchen, Haruhi stopped her and said there really wasn't any need. "We should leave now…Shigure-san, where are the others?"
"Hani-kun and Mori-kun slept in my study last night, the twins slept in Kyo's room, and Tamaki-kun and Kyoya-kun roomed with Yuki."
Well, at least he had enough sense not to dump all seven of them in a room and lock the door…
Thus, followed an invasion of sorts: Shigure went to wake up the seniors while Haruhi and Tohru went upstairs.
"I'll wake up the twins while you get Tamaki-sempai and Kyoya-sempai, okay?" asked Haruhi, slipping into Kyo's room.
"Ah, wait!" cried poor Tohru. But alas, the door had already swung shut and Haruhi was no longer with her. "Shouldn't we go…together?"
Left alone, facing Yuki's familiar wooden door, she trembled inwardly, but steeled her courage and snuck inside.
Yuki was dozing peacefully on his own bed while Tamaki was sprawled across a futon on the ground. Poor Kyoya was, once again, pinned under somebody.
"Ano, Tamaki-kun, Kyoya-kun," she began awkwardly, kneeling near the pile of tangled limbs and rumpled quilts. "Please wake up. Tamaki-kun? You need to call your driver…"
The rest of her sentence stuttered off as Tamaki's dream-violet eyes opened slowly, then widened when he registered Kyoya squished underneath him. "Ah, mon ami! Ohayo," he greeted his disgruntled friend in a mixture of French and Japanese. "And here is the fair princess, come to awaken the slumbering prince. Now isn't this a juxtapose?" he breathed, reaching up towards the curtain of brown hair and twirling a strand absentmindedly.
Predictably, Tohru squeaked, fell backwards, and almost crushed a surprised Haruhi, who had two hung-over twins hanging over her and whining about how sick they felt. After a few sharp words, the almighty Haruhi managed to get her sempais up and securing a ride home. Tohru just watched in awe at Haruhi's incredible power.
Pretty soon, the limo driver pulled up to Shigure's home, watching in barely concealed amusement as the young masters, all in various stages of a hangover, crawled blearily into the vehicle.
"Ja ne," called Hani, who seemed to be the least affected. "Tell Yu-chan we'll see him on Monday!" At the mention of the M-word, a collective groan emitted from the blissfully dark interior. Shigure and Tohru sweatdropped, but continued waving goodbye amiably.
"Hello, little lambs!" bellowed Ayame, sweeping into the Third Music Room with a dramatic burst of sweeping robes and flamboyant colors. Trailing behind him, in a no less dramatic ensemble, was a petite brunette, wearing a ballerina-esque creation.
"Good afternoon, Ayame-san," smiled Kyoya, a little bit more wanly than usual. Even Demon Lords could be defeated by a killer hangover.
"This is Mine-san, my lovely assistant," he said, twirling the bespectacled woman around. "And she will be helping everybody transform into Everyday Angels!"
"Hello, everybody! I look forward to working…" her voice trailed off as she spied Haruhi.
"Is it just me, or did her eyes just shine with an unholy light? wondered Haruhi as Mine-san kept staring at her.
"You are adorable!" squealed the little assistant, pouncing on her with the ferocity of Renge lunging at a limited edition of LaLa Magazine. "I'm so glad Taishou designed such a cute dress for you!" With that ominous comment, Haruhi was dragged off before she could even protest.
"Well, we should all follow Haruhi-kun's example and get changed!" said Ayame cheerfully, passing out wrapped packages to everybody. Yuki felt a kind of instinctual dread when his smiling brother handed his clothes to him. Before he could trust his gut feeling and run, he was already shepherded into a dressing room. Shrugging, Yuki stripped down to his underwear before opening the bag and pulling out a—
No.
No way.
No freaking way.
Angrily shoving it out of sight, he reached for his pants, only to discover they were gone. So were his shirt, blazer, and tie. Even his black leather shoes had been stolen while he was distracted.
He paled. What would be worse? Going out in his underwear or it?
After a moment of serious deliberation, Yuki created a third option: neither. He was going to sit here until Ayame returned his uniform.
And that's what he did.
"And this is how you attach the wings," Ayame announced, using Hikaru as a demonstration. All of the male hosts had already changed into their respective costumes. Haruhi had taken a little longer because of her outfit, an elegant, airy shift dress with tiny rows of pearls decorating the hems. Although it was easy to put on, it had taken a little convincing for her to also add the wig and makeup. Being the practical girl she was, she had worried that her femininity would be too obvious, but Aya had just chuckled about some "secret weapon" and pushed her towards Mine and her Makeup Box of Doom.
"It should be time for the unveiling of my secret weapon now," Ayame grinned gleefully, skipping to the only dressing room that was still occupied. "Yuki, are you ready?"
"I'm never coming out."
"B-but!"
"Never."
"But Yuuuuki, you are the ultimate secret weapon! A dummy competitor! The most glamorously wrapped present under the proverbial Christmas tree!"
Ayame paused, as if to give his younger brother a chance to ask, "Why, my dearest, most brilliant niisan, whatever do you mean?" But, as we all know, that will never happen in a million years, so Aya just plowed ahead, pretending that Yuki was asking that in his heart and just too timid to say it out loud.
"You are like the most beautifully wrapped gift, swathed in festive holiday paper and silk bows imported from China, while Haruhi-kun here is the modest little unassuming present wrapped with the comics page from the Sunday newspaper (which is all very well, since they are a joy to read), with nary a ribbon in sight!"
Here, there was a major facefault for all listening.
"But! Inside, you are just a five-dollar gift card for the local bookstore, only enough to buy three bookmarks and a tabloid— only a male in this crowd of testosterone (Or as much testosterone as a group of bishies can produce)! On the other hand, Haruhi-kun is five swaths of qiviut, one of the softest kinds of wool in the world, a pair of golden knitting needles, and a medal from the emperor all in one— a delicate flower maiden, living in this den of males! Do you understand, my dearest Yuki?"
Hani, as Cupid, was wearing a variation of the traditional sailor fuku with a small bow and arrows and lopsided halo of pearls resting on his downy blonde hair. At this point, his eyes brightened with understanding at Ayame's long-winded speech. "So Yuki is helping a damsel in distress?"
"Exactly! A dummy competitor! With his exceptionally effeminate features, shared with yours truly, he shall distract from the real flower of the place, our secret girl, Haruhi-kun. And I, I have created a masterpiece that will help him do it!"
"I wanna see," Tamaki yelped excitedly, dancing around in his own costume, a partially unbuttoned white dress shirt, studded belt, and a thick silver ring on his middle finger.
"A quick glance would certainly be helpful," added Kyoya, whose own crisp dress shirt was also slightly open, with an undone gray tie slung casually around his neck.
Mori nodded, his warm white hoodie pulled halfway down to reveal the gray t-shirt with the intricate stitching.
There was a brief moment of silence before a resigned "Fine" was heard. After a few minutes, the dressing room curtain slid open, and the change was almost as dramatic as seeing Haruhi in the girls' uniform for the first time.
The twins, who were the first to finally picked their jaws up from the floor, exclaimed the first thing they could think of: "Are you absolutely sure you're not a girl?"
A sweet, misleading smile crept over their classmate's face as a bright vein throbbed angrily. "100 percent positive."
As Kaoru and Hikaru cowered in their poofy pirate shirts, Yuki turned to Ayame, a dark glint in his eyes. "Isn't the theme 'Everyday Angels,' nii-san?" Upon seeing his starry-eyed brother nod, Yuki continued, "Then please explain, nii-san, why I'm the only one whose outfit does not look like something worn every day."
"He does have a point," Haruhi muttered while Mine applied blush to her cheeks. Suddenly, her simple sheath dress looked positively heavenly compared to the layers of frills and tulle her friend was shoved in.
"But this is something worn every day, my deluded little brother! On the trendiest streets of Japan, this is LOLITA FASHION! Note the tight bodice! The pearl trimmings! The flouncy skirt! The lace gloves! The frilly—"
"We noticed," Yuki forced out through gritted teeth.
"Then you know it's all done to protect Haruhi's identity."
Well, when he puts it that way…
Yuki sighed before relenting. While he was being dragged off to the makeup chair by the enthusiastic twins, Aya pulled out a…was that a gray wig?
Oh, Kami-sama.
A/N: Well, the results from the long-forgotten poll from chapter 10 are in! EVERYDAY ANGELS scraped by with the victory!
Their costumes were inspired by the amazing Arehandora on DeviantArt with this piece, which is currently my desktop background:
http:// .com /art/ Ouran-Koukou-Host-Club-54259903 [remove spaces] so pretty~ :3
anyways, this chapter could have been up months ago-- I just needed to write the last few sentences. So sorry for the wait, everybody! (is there anybody still reading this? *cricketcricket* ...anybody? ;_;)
hope everybody had a merry christmas! now let's all go into 2010 with our manga-loving hands in the air!
mimi-chan