Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings aren't mine.

FUCK!

How - no! Not here! Not now!

Oh God no!

I was - I was -

I'm blown! I'm fucked!

I ran - I ran - I shunpoed up to my room, grabbed Zangetsu and ran from campus.

All I could think of - do I pull the patch, crank it up and go to warp? Reallllly got to warp?

FUCK!

All I could think of was running. I ran for about an hour, until I was somewhere with some rocky cover and nobody around.

Shit that was close. Shit!

I can't believe it - I can't FUCKING believe it! I crashed under a tree and listed for the sounds of pursuit. Of course there was none, but it must have taken another hour before I could finally accept I was alone.

I lay down on the rocky ground and stared at the sky, cursing my luck and my life. And my death.

I was - I was just walking when I heard The Voice.

Settle-

Calm-

Catch your breath-

Calm down Ichigo.

Breathe.

Just breathe.

Lots of people hate me. I'm a Vizard, I'm used to that. I can live with that.

I have one enemy. Exactly one enemy.

Only one enemy left. The Shinigami, the rogue Shinigami, the Arrancar, the Espada – I've got – I had no enemies left-

Except her.

She used to be my friend. Now she'd gladly take out my eyes with her nails. Or cut my nuts off and feed them to me, or impale me on my own Zanpakuto and laugh while I died.

Tatsuki told me she'd kill me if she ever saw me again. And I believed her, she hates me like no one ever has before, she'd destroy my very soul for what happened to Orihime.

She's in the first fucking year class!

Tatsuki equals being caught. Worse than being caught. She'll laugh, she'll poison the world behind me – Tatsuki will never tell anyone about the few good things I've accomplished, she'll tell people I broke Orihime's mind and cast her aside. She will lay eyes upon me and I am caught!

It is - it is as simple as that.

There's nothing I can say, nothing I can do. Tatsuki might as well be Soi Fon or the Captain Commander. I can't share a campus with her. She sees me and I don't see her, I'll never see the captains coming.

I'm caught. I'm bagged. I can't ever go back. Because sooner or later Tatsuki will see me or feel me or something – and she knows I'm a criminal here- there's a price on my head!

I'm caught – I'm fucked – it's over!

It's over.

I'm fucked and it's over.

It's over.

Meaning I'm fucked.

She's in the first year class.

I can't believe she's in the first year class!

I was just out walking, and I'm fine with the shadows, so I don't race from street light to street light (Seireitei equivalent).

Suddenly she's just there, talking to someone. Tatsuki, in the first year uniform, talking to some guy and somehow the subject of Kurosaki Ichigo comes up as someone who reads too much of The Substitute encounters someone who was actually in the Winter War-

"Kurosaki Ichigo?" She'd almost shouted my name – I knew the voice, it was Tatsuki and she'd just called me -

I was bagged – my heart almost stopped. I looked over and there's Tatsuki talking to some guys. She wasn't looking at me, but she says "That son of a bitch? Kurosaki Ichigo is less than nothing and I hope he rots in Hell! The Substitute? You make a hero out of-"

I didn't wait around to hear the rest. I was out of there – back to the dorm and then gone, Zangetsu's sealed form on my hip.

As I ran all I could think of was the disdain in her voice.

Tatsuki. My last enemy, the one I can do nothing about. I believe her when she said she'd kill me. For Orihime? I have no doubt Tatsuki would kill me. If she needs the captains to do it she'll call them. I've known her more or less since I learned to walk (near enough) – she'd call the captains to kill me.

Kill me.

Steady – calm – stay focused. Concentrate on facts. Don't let your emotions run away with you.

That's all I know, I have no information on how she died or anything else. All I know is that Tatsuki was there on the path, crabbing to someone. She'd seen a copy of The Substitute or something and was wasting no time telling the people around her what a rat bastard Kurosaki Ichigo was.

Tatsuki is the only person anywhere who hates me as a person. Lots of people hate me as an establishment, but personally? And she'd going to find me. All the old gang recognize my pressure and Tatsuki is close enough to feel me, she's almost on top of me. She might have missed me today, I'm guessing she must have. But that can't last.

She'll rat me out the moment she spots me, either start screaming or sneak off and get a gang of captains in to arrest me.

I'm fucked, the whole plan just came crashing down!

I can't go back to the academy.

I can't go back.

I have nowhere to go.

I can't reason with her.

It's all slipping through my fingers.

I have all the rest of eternity with nowhere to go.

Is this Hell? Did I somehow arrive without knowing it? Get dragged down through the gates? Is this my punishment? Is every Hell tailored for its occupant?

Here I am in the dirt, looking at an empty and uncaring sky.

I've actually been caught and it worried me less than this. Tatsuki - she'd be in the academy a couple of years at least. Short of killing her there's no way I can coexist with her.

I can't.

This is over, it's all over.

There's a cold, white moon above me. Cold and clear and still. White as bone and dead as stone.

Cold, white moon.

What's going to happen when I die? Really die, I mean. The structure of my spirit body scattered to the winds. Would the people I leave behind be better off without me? My father, my sisters? My friends and my Rukia?

My Rukia. She deserves so much more than a wanted criminal - she deserves a life and I can't give it to her.

If I were reborn, would I still be me? Even if I didn't know I'd ever been Ichigo? Would it be the same me staring out of my eyes? You get erased or something, when you're reborn – something like that.

Do I get another chance if I die? Is the slate wiped clean?

Maybe it's time to walk away from all of this. Maybe I should turn myself in and let them kill me.

I can't believe I've come to this, to say these words in my own heart without a trace of sarcasm. If this is really all I have to look forward to until the end? My Rukia, my friends-

They deserve more.

Oh never mind, it's a stupid notion. I'm going to suffer because I can't chance death. How could I? I'm a Vizard – do they screen souls about to be reincarnated? Would I be rejected? What if I was? They keep telling me I'm an aberration – do I get cast aside, like Kon was, put on a shelf forever?

Kon knew he was on a shelf – the notion terrifies me. Kon feared every moment of every day, bless him. I'm not strong enough to handle that. Not if I don't have to.

I can't even kill myself – whatever comes next could be worse!

Maybe I can hide out somewhere-

For six or seven years?

I have friends though. What about Renji and the gang? Maybe they could arrange - yeah, that could work! They all know Tatsuki, they could work on getting her through the academy in a single year. I could make some kind of arrangement for a year, maybe get a job or something, lie about my family, go on leave-

Rukia could get a message to Ikkaku. All I have to do is get a message to Rukia-

I might not even have to; if Tatsuki knew Rukia was there she'd go to visit. Rukia knows our history- if I'm not around she'll know I got out of Dodge and she'll know why-

All of which presupposes Tatsuki knowing Rukia is there. The academy is a big place. It's a lot more likely neither will have any idea the other is there. Worse, I've got a roommate who'll report me missing in a day or so. If Sado Kon disappears people will come looking.

I am so screwed.

x--x

"KUROSAKI! GET IN HERE!"

Karin, more than a little surprised, hurried into Mika's office. This was her first day back after her battle with the Eleventh Captain.

Mika was Karin's superior, nominally. He was a seventeenth seat, and as far as Karin had been able to tell, had never raised his voice to anyone.

This was not the case today – Mika started in like he was going to tear her a new one.

Karin hadn't been aware she had so many flaws. Take, for example, concealing her Bankai release. Or her generally shitty attitude. Or spending her own day off brawling at Eleventh division, even attacking a Captain! For a moment she wished she was Yuzu-cute and could make big eyes to make him stop.

Oh, but what really took the cake was her out-of-regular-channels transfer to Eleventh Division- getting her powerful friends to break the rules so Lieutenant Iba himself came down to-

Wait. Her what?

Mika was absolutely livid. Apparently there had been questions, a lot of questions, when the brass found one of the Seireitei's newest had transferred out and said superior officer had been left looking like a fool – Eleventh Division had carefully kept word of the two new Bankai users back until Iba had signed the paperwork – Iba had wanted answers and Mika hadn't been able to give him answers! Now Iba had to explain to the Captain how the pretty bastard from Eleventh had conned him out of one of the most powerful fighters in the Division! The Captain, Mika was shouting, had been upset! And when the Captain was upset, Iba became upset! And when Iba was upset, everyone who worked under Iba was upset! Mika was swearing up and down that at least one of every officer ranked between third and sixteenth seat had been down to scream at him yesterday! And it was all Kurosaki Karin's fault!

He almost crossed the line then - stopped just short of saying Karin was 'from a family of troublemakers' – Ichi-nii wasn't around to take offense but the Goat definitely was.

And would, if someone said that about his daughters.

Even that pissed Karin off – if someone said that about Ichigo the Goat would have laughed it off.

Mika was going on about her behind his – behind everyone's back to leave the division- Haven't they treated her well? Is she so arrogant that-

"Hold on a second. I didn't leave the division."

Her superior, even angrier, flashes a copy of the paperwork.

"Isn't this your signature?"

"No that's not my bloody signature! I never signed any paperwork!" And to rush anything through – Iba had probably lost her in a dice game or something! SHE'D PROBABLY BEEN TRADED TO THOSE ELEVENTH BASTARDS ON A BET!

Oh, Karin was seething now, swore she'd get to the bottom of this. She cut the seventeenth seat off abruptly.

"This has all been a mistake, Mika-sempai. I'll speak to Madarame-san. I'm sure," she growled, "we can get to the bottom of this-"

Her shunpo was epic, seconds later she was storming through Eleventh division (mostly because she couldn't feel Zaraki's spiritual pressure – he must be at a meeting).

Ikkaku had to be behind this. Ikkaku was always behind everything. She stomped into the office of the third seat of Eleventh division, screaming at the top of her lungs.

"What the hell did you do? My boss spent ten minutes screaming at me for transferring to Eleventh without telling him! Lieutenant Iba was down to scream at him! I didn't transfer divisions Madarame!"

Ikkaku looked at her as though she was insane. "Who cares about Iba? No one in the Seireitei cares about Iba. His own mother doesn't care about Iba." He patiently held up the paperwork. "As for your transfer, it's right here. This is your signature."

He sounded annoyed but Karin didn't really care what the bald butthead felt.

"That's an X! That's not my signature! And where's my seal? I don't see my seal anywhere on there!"

Ikkaku pointed to a muddy blue smear. "This is your seal here."

"That's not my bloody seal!"

"Don't swear at your superior officer," said Ikkaku patiently.

"You're not my superior officer! You're an arsehole friend of my bloody brother! That's not my seal!"

"Yes it is."

"That looks nothing like my seal!" Karin pulled the little piece of cut stone from her uniform. My seal looks like th-"

Despite her general lack of respect for Madarame-san, he was a third seat, and moved so quickly that he was pressing the seal to the paperwork before Karin even realized it was gone from her hand.

"There now," said Ikkaku, handing the stone back and carefully keeping the paperwork out of Karin's reach. "You're right, this does look different. Oh well, only so much Yumichika can do with a potato and a sharp knife."

"You forged my transfer paperwork? Give it back!"

"Captain wants to make you eighth seat."

"The Captain can - what?"

"Number eight. You and Yuzu will both be eighth seats of Eleventh company. You'll have to share a room though, mostly because the vice captain thinks it's cuter for twins to share a room. She'll probably be by for a sleepover. Be careful," he warned, "when she's asleep Yachiru kicks like a pint-sized fiend."

Karin wasn't really listening at that point. Eighth seat. Maybe...

x--x--x

"And who's this fat gut? Why does his stomach always appear the panel before he does? Is this supposed to be Aizen?"

I winced. Tatsuki, not three steps away from and reading The Substitute, harping and complaining to anyone who'd listen. And there were a few people who would. How the hell did she end up an my table? Somebody must have answered her, because she starts up. "Oh. That makes sense. I like his flies, the rotten bastard. Yes I've met the man, quit looking at me like that!"

Somebody asks something, Tatsuki says yes she was and then she goes into a tirade about what a shit Kurosaki Ichigo is.

Obviously I've come back to the academy. Because there's literally nowhere else for me to go. This is who and what I am.

She was starting to attract attention too - here was someone who knew something first hand about the infamous winter war. People wanted to know about her.

If she wasn't bullshitting. I just hope no one has the issue Tatsuki is in. Thankfully the artist seems to have been trapped in the Seireitei and didn't have much first hand knowledge of what was going on in the real world. But lots of Shinigami have met Tatsuki and she does appear in some of the middle issues. Any second now-

And as I say, so it does, some bastard walks up and says "are you this Tatsuki," and shows her that issue of The Substitute and she starts laughing.

Thankfully she doesn't seem to know I'm dead. Thank God.

x--x--x

You know, I woke up this morning and the first words through my mind were Day One - Tatsuki on campus.

And then I said to myself, I've killed Espada, I can handle this.

Yes, I can definitely handle this.

And I'd got out of bed, gotten dressed and went to breakfast.

I figured, She was here yesterday, she was here the day before. The only difference is that now I know.

And isn't that better?

And I'd thought to myself, where the hell does she eat breakfast? Obviously I can't eat breakfast in the same cafeteria.

Relax, I'd figured, there are eight cafeterias on campus, and they're all big. The odds of here even being in the same room only one in eight, and even if she is, the odds of her sitting anywhere near me-

So I'd put on a brave smile and gone to eat breakfast. Business as usual. After all, I was Just relax-ing. Because - 'I can handle this.'

And I'd thought I could. As usual, breakfast with Morisato and Seymour. Sei meets us there. Not a problem. Just like every other day, breakfast on the tray, off we go to our table. No changes to the routine, just business as usual. Move right along people, nothing to see here. Just three guys and one girl eating breakfast.

Sit down. Start eating.

And then I heard that Goddamn voice.

Maybe I should grow a mustache as a disguise. One of those Desperado jobs.

It probably wouldn't work.

Meanwhile Tatsuki hasn't shut up once.

"First class? Zanpakuto training-"

Bring me death. Bring me death on swift wings. Tatsuki couldn't be any farther away than Seymour was and all I can think is Oh God we're at the same table. Of all the tables in all the cafeterias on the campus, why did she have to come to mine?

I wanted to go but I couldn't - Seymour or Morisato would say something – if they call me Sado she'll think Chad-

I can't walk away- down the table Tatsuki is talking with two first years, it started off slow but one thing led to another, the winter war came up, Tatsuki said something-

By tonight everyone in first year - and by tomorrow everyone in the academy - is going to know that Tatsuki from The Substitute is on campus and going to school here.

I'm dead. I am so dead.

Maybe I could discredit her somehow? She was featured in one issue of the Substitute, the one where Orihime came into her power, but they haven't reached the part where Tatsuki comes into her own power and starts taking down hollows. I mean, she's appeared, but not that much. In fact other than those few frames way back when she's been mostly mentioned by name - no one knows what she looks like, probably – hopefully - those early issues of The Substitute are almost impossible to find after the purge last year.

Maybe not many people know what she looks like?

What the hell am I thinking? How would discrediting her help me?

I was looking away, couldn't look down the table, thank God for the ten percent patch or she'd feel me - I can't believe she hasn't felt me yet.

Worse, this is our table, this is where we sit. Morisato, Sei and Seymour, they're going to wonder if I want to start sitting somewhere else.

About the only thing I can do is tell them the "winter war vet" down the table bugs me and I want to sit somewhere else.

Sei is looking down the table towards Tatsuki, trying not to get caught staring.

"Who is that?" That was Seymour.

Sei didn't answer, she just blushed. Honestly, I don't think the girl can talk. I don't think I've ever heard her voice.

Morisato looked down the table and did a double-take.

"That looks like Arisawa Tatsuki," he said.

Oh shit, Morisato's the local The Substitute expert, I swear he has every issue - somehow he's even gotten back the ones that were seized.

Seymour looked down the table. "Can't be."

Bless you Seymour! Thank you for being a skeptic.

"I think it is," said Morisato.

No no no Morisato! It's not! Just a turd with an attitude – ignore her!

Shit, I've got to get out of here. I'm about to do something stupid.

"Gotta go." Stood up, turned so there was no way Tatsuki could see my face and hurried off.

Maybe I should grow that mustache.

Okay, so breakfast was a bust. I can change my hours a little. One meal, that doesn't mean she'll always sit there, I can always change my hours, come to breakfast earlier - I'll say I want to work out more before class-

The important thing is not to panic. She's got to be a year behind me, and soon she'll be so swamped in admirers and fan clubs that she won't have time - if I'm careful-

If I'm careful.

I so didn't need this.

Whipped out the soul pager. Probably the only one on campus, unless Momo has one – Rukia had to give hers back-

"Hanataro."

"Yo."

It was so good to hear a friendly voice. "I've got a little problem. Tatsuki is here-"

That's all he let me say.

"We're on it. I'll be in touch."

He hung up.

Something has changed, something they won't tell me about. Hanataro doesn't like to keep the line open anymore.

Not my day man, this has not been my day.

Fuck, I got to go to class.