School + Three fan fictions = more time in between chapters. Sorry.

I want to shout out to my friend Kristyn on this one. Not only is it her birthday (Happy Birthday buddy!), but she has an amazing fan fiction titled "How Strong Are You Now?". It's the sequel to her "Is Forever Enough?" I strongly recommend both of them.

Enjoy!

Chapter Three: How Strong Are You Now?

I knew work was going to suck. I knew it before I even got there and saw Erica's car in the parking lot. Although, I have to say, that sight added greatly to my growing urge to get back in my car and drive home where my warm bed awaited me. Instead, I checked my reflection on the tinted window.

I looked like crap. Seriously. My eyes were so red from crying that I knew it'd be a couple of days before they looked normal again. That is, if I didn't make it worse by crying again. But I made the decision when I woke up that I wasn't going to cry today. I told myself that I had gotten it all out of my system the day before and now I could just continue with my life as though Erica Hahn had never happened.

My goal to be strong and keep from breaking down all day was a hard one to reach. Every corner I turned made me want to crawl so far into myself that I would never have to come out and deal with this kind of thing again. I carefully avoided all the places Erica frequented and managed to make it to my nurses' station without seeing her.

I call it 'my' nurses' station because, at any given moment in the day, you could walk up to this particular station and find either me or Mark Sloan there. It was generally where we hung out when not working. It's positioning was perfect; not too close or too far from anywhere in the hospital we'd ever need to be. The downside was that it was in a four-way intersection of hallways, one of them being a part of the cardiac ward.

Just as I'd figured, Mark was leaning on the station. His back was to me and his head was bent over a patient's chart. I cleared my throat when I was still a few feet behind him so he wouldn't jump out of his skin when I showed up by his side. It's happened before and right now I didn't feel like having him chew me out about sneaking up on him.

However, the look he gave me when he turned around showed no signs of ever wanting to "chew me out". His ice blue eyes were sympathetic, worried even. His face displayed a soft kindness that I hadn't seen before in him.

"Don't look at me like that," I said, quickly diverting my eyes to the floor.

"Like what?" he asked. I could tell by the tenderness of his voice that he was still giving me the look.

"You're giving me the sympathetic look. Don't. I'm not sure I can handle it right now, and I am not going to cry today. Today is just a normal day at work, like nothing's happened…." I answered in a rush. Mark didn't say anything and after a few minutes, I thought it might be safe to look up. His eyes still displayed emotion, but the rest of his body language was back to how it usually was.

"Callie, it's okay to be upset. You deserve to be upset after what happened to you—"

"Mark, please!" I interrupted, anger floating into my voice, covering up the thickness of it. Five minutes at work and I'm already on the verge of tears. How did I think I was going to survive the whole day?

And the day didn't get much better. It seems that word spread quickly (as it always does in Seattle Grace) about my split with Erica. Everywhere I went I got those sympathetic looks, and remembering why they were being given to me, I nearly broke down. I soon found a new way to avoid crying when seeing these looks.

Instead of getting upset, I got annoyed. My annoyance grew with every look and every whispered word of pity until finally I reached my breaking point. Unfortunately it was the Chief who got the pleasure of witnessing this meltdown. I yelled at the Chief. In Spanish. Thankfully Mark had been walking down the same hallway and he was able to stop me.

"Callie! Stop speaking Spanish. We don't speak Spanish." He said firmly, his hands gripping my shoulders. Finally he was looking at me without the worried look in his eyes, and somehow that was worse than before. I took a deep breath, my eyes filling up with tears against my will.

"I can't do this, Mark," I breathed, falling into his chest. After a moment's hesitation, I felt his arms wrap comfortingly around me. I buried my face into his dark blue scrubs, taking deep, shuddering breaths until the feeling that I was going to cry drained away. Then all that was left was a bitter ache in my chest.

"You can't keep holding this in, Callie. You're going to explode again." I could feel him twist his upper body slightly towards the Chief. A few seconds later, footprints indicated the Chief's departure.

"No. I'm not going to cry. I cried yesterday, spent all day crying. I'm not going to anymore. I'm stronger than that."

"Crying doesn't make you weak," Mark whispered. He gently peeled me away from him, still holding on to my shoulders, so he could look me in the eye.

"Yes it does. Tough guys never cry," I said defiantly. Mark's head fell to one side, his shoulders sagging a little in defeat.

I broke away from his grip and left to check on my patients before he could say anything more. I made it through the rest of the day by avoided everyone and numbly going about my job. I worked with robot efficiency, my mind closed off to everything that wasn't medical. And despite a few low points where I almost lost it, I had successfully made it through one day at Seattle Grace Hospital without crying. I waited until I was in the elevator to congratulate myself. However, my victory smile didn't last long on my face.

The elevator stopped on the floor beneath the one I had gotten on at, and in walked the one person I did not want to see. Eyes wide, mouth gaping, I quickly hid in the corner behind an intern. Erica didn't see me at first and I stood with my fingers crossed, praying to God that she never would. Unfortunately for both of us, the intern in front of me was apparently sick.

He went into a violent coughing fit, his body convulsing with each cough. He bent in half just as Erica, like everyone else in the elevator, looked over towards him. With him doubled over, I was left exposed and directly in Erica's line of vision. Her eyes and mouth mimicked mine: wide and gaping. When the elevator stopped again, she hurried out, even though it wasn't the right floor. Pretty much everyone exited then, anxious to get away from the coughing intern. I was the only one who remained.

I closed the elevator doors before anyone else to enter and stopped it halfway between floors, giving myself time to recuperate. When I saw Erica and was looking at the face that had broken my heart, my expression remained frozen, and my eyes hard and dry. But now that she was gone, I lost that stony composure. I bent over like the coughing intern, feeling sick in both my stomach and my heart. Slowly I slumped to the floor, feeling the cool metal of the elevator through my clothes. The tears that had been trying to escape from me all day finally did.

They fell heavy and fast and there was nothing I could do to stop them. I finally stopped trying to calm down and gave myself to the overpowering emotion, feeling weak and helpless. I had never cried so much in my life as I had with this break-up. Not even when my marriage fell apart. I had been so strong then, working all day with George and Izzie without falling apart every few seconds. I had even somewhat forgiven them and still worked with them everyday. So maybe this was just one more thing Erica had taken from me. Maybe I depended on her too much and now that she was gone, I was left weak and vulnerable.

So Callie, I thought bitterly, how strong are you now?

How strong are you now
Without her around
You can't even keep one little bitty tear
From fallin' down
Tell me how strong are you know

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