Polarity

by Chris Myers

When a Romero-style zombie outbreak hits, three supervillains, led by a long time loser, find themselves doing whatever it takes to save themselves, and eventually, the rest of humanity.

37. The Day the World Went Away

"You blonde bitch! I'm going to..."

Before Electro could finish his threat, a black heel slammed into where his nose would be. And he screamed in pain, scrambling backwards away from the Avenger as she kept herself off the ground.

"I'm sorry, Electro. I didn't hear what you were saying. I was too busy trying to kick your teeth in."

"I said, I'm going to kill you, you blonde bitch!" Electro's hand thrust towards her, and a blood-red bolt exploded from his hand, crackling with energy. It caught Ms. Marvel square in the sternum, staggering her in mid-air for a moment. "It took a magical hammer for Thor to stand up to me," Electro sneered as he climbed back to his feet. "What the hell do you have?"

Her response? She darted forward, recovered from his attack, and slammed her first into Electro's sternum with a snapping jab. The human-shaped form of energy that Electro had become actually buckled, her fist sinking into him for a brief moment, before she flipped, like a swimmer doing a kick-turn, and smacked him under his chin with the steel-tipped toe of her boot. And he flew backwards from the impact. A human-shaped ball of lightning slammed into the ground, and Ms. Marvel just hovered above him, staring down at him. Her face told a tale of grim determination and unleashed anger. Or, to put it another way? Girl was pissed.

"What I have, Electro, is alien-enhanced DNA and a really peeved attitude right now." Electro, making a noise that sounded like a thousand pissed off wasps, shot a bolt of lightning at her, snapping the shot off. It connected with her shoulder, spinning her slightly, but she spun right back, and a blast of energy came from her hand. Electro was hit in the gut, doubling him over. Faster than I had ever seen her move before, she dropped down, her feet inches off the ground as she dropped the double axehandle on the back of Electro's neck before immediately shooting back into the air about ten feet.

"You see, Electro, a bad guy like you, all he sees when he looks at me is the blonde hair and the toned body and the big boobs. Some of the smarter goons..." This time, she side-stepped the lightning, sliding to her right in mid-air to let it sail harmlessly past her. "...they know I hit like a Mack truck and can get hit by one too without really feeling it. The really smart ones, the Doctor Dooms and the Taskmaster's, they know the thing idiots like you forget all the time. I can project energy...and I absorb it."

Another quick dive, but this time, Electro dove out of the way. For a being of lightning, he still moved and avoided shots like a human being, I noticed. Yeah, I know that, six stories about me, the Avengers were battling Dormammu for the fate of the world...but tell me, how the hell could I tear my eyes away from THIS fight?

"So the first time you shocked me and Captain America, you really hurt me. But guess what, Max? I got your code now."

Wham! She swung down and uppercutted Electro as he was trying to stand back up, following through to swing back up into the air.

"I got your juice inside of me...oh, God, that came out wrong." Electro was slow to get back up as Ms. Marvel swung back around. This time, both fists went into the small of his back, propelling him forward a good ten feet, the Avenger never once touching the ground. "I know your power, Electro. That's what I meant. It's dirty and greasy and feels absolutely repulsive, but it's sitting in whatever bits of my DNA absorb power. I can channel it and store it without too much pain. Oh, and since it's magical in nature? That means..."

Wham! This was just a cold cock across his jaw, bolts of lightning arcing through the air like drops of blood.

"...I got a little bit of magic myself. Enough to hit you instead of just passing through you like I would a normal electrical current. Magic's a two way street, Max, and you drew the short end of the stick."

Wham! Another uppercut. Electro still shone brightly, but he staggered, completely open as she followed up with another right hook, still hovering in mid-air with each punch.

"Oh, and since I'm not touching the ground? You can't really arc a current through me, can you? Hell, anything you throw at me hurts about as much as being caught in a summer downpour."

Wham! Wham! Wham! Wham!

Left, right, left, right, Electro would have been toothless if he had any left. A referee should be stopping this fight right now, the way Electro stumbled as Ms. Marvel stalked him. "But you, on the other hand, you're feeling every single shot I give you, Electro. Just because you can dish it out doesn't mean you can take it."

Her hand shot out, steadying Electro for a moment. "Oh, and just as a heads up. Thor usually holds back, because he's a god and could break the world if he wanted to. Me? I'm just a woman who's been magically handcuffed, sent to Limbo, smacked around, had an electric current run through me, been called a blonde bitch three times this evening, and is looking to beat the hell out of someone because of all those things. So if you think I'm holding anything back..."

Ms. Marvel's fist pulled all the way back over her shoulder. She held it there for just a split second, lining up her shot.

"...you're sadly mistaken."

The air cracked as Ms. Marvel's punch smacked Electro squarely in the jaw. Even without the ground to push off, she packed a lot of power, and it all transferred into Dillon. He left his feet like he had been shot with an artillery shell at point blank range, flung backwards by the pure kinetic force of her punch. The poor bastard bounced along the ground when he landed, rolling backwards like a rag doll. When he came to a rest, his arms and legs were splayed out, and the buzzing coming from him was a low groan.

"You can give up now, Electro," Ms. Marvel said as she hovered in place, fists clenched at her sides, "or you can keep resisting. And to warn you, I'm hoping you keep resisting."

He pushed up onto his hands and knees, lifting his head to lock his gaze on Ms. Marvel. He had lost some of the brightness of his aura, but the red lightning still crackled and flowed with the body of the former Maxwell Dillon. "Heh. I'm happy to please you, Ms. Marvel." Electro sat back on his haunches, his head lolling a bit to one side. "What kind of God of Lightning would I be if I let a...what was the phrase you hated...blonde bitch? No, let's get creative. Airhead. Fat whore. Tramp. Nothing more than the Avenger's eye candy. A living embodiment of Rule 34. Oh, yes, I've seen the pictures online, Ms. Marvel. You're nothing more than a joke, easily replaced by some other peroxide powerhouse at a moment's notice."

"You just keep making my day, Electro." She rocketed towards him, both fists extended, going for the knockout shot...

...but Electro leaned backwards, letting her pass over his body. His arms shot up, and grabbed her by the ankles. "Typical, arrogant hero!" He snapped forward, bringing Ms. Marvel over his head and slamming her into the ground. The second she made contact, the red lightning was flowing through her, a current racing up and down her nerves and into the soil. "An Avenger doesn't know the meaning of the word 'defeat?' Then allow me to teach one the definition of the word 'die!'"

Damn it. I took a step forward, my free hand out, before she lashed out with her foot, pulling it free from Electro's grasp. She spun around as best she could, the blast of energy from her hand clipping Electro in the face. She yanked her other leg free and immediately went airborne, out of Electro's range. "Herman, stand back! Your job is to protect the Darkhold!"

"Aw," Electro said as he shot twin bolts of lightning at Ms. Marvel, which she managed to easily avoid, "is the Shocker getting Ms. Marvel to fight his battles for him? I guess when Aleksei died, you needed a new bodyguard, huh, Herman?"

I clenched my fist, but kept the thumb off my trigger. "Actually, I'm all for gender equality, Max. I kicked your ass in the bank, so it's only fair Ms. Marvel gets to kick yours right now!" And she was right. I had to make sure the Darkhold was safe.

Electro dodged the diving attack from Ms. Marvel, but she pulled up just inches from the ground, like a daredevil jet pilot. He sent bolts of lightning shooting after her as she sped along, hugging the nape of the earth, turning on her axis to avoid Electro's attacks before zooming back into the air. "Hold still, woman," Electro proclaimed. He was like an electrical chain gun, waving his hands and sending indiscriminate sprays of lightning into the air. But Ms. Marvel easily weaved her way through the fire like she was avoiding flak. I had several wide open shots as Electro spun in place, expending all his energy with each shocking missile he sent at Ms. Marvel. The red glare was definitely gone now, although lightning still made up Electro's form. He wasn't generating power anymore. He was expending it, all in a futile effort to hit Ms. Marvel. "Damn it, I said hold still," he screamed in frustration.

"What's wrong, Electro? I would think you wouldn't have any problems hitting a whale like me!" She suddenly dropped, going from her darting flight into a nose dive, directly down at where Electro stood. He put his arms above his head, the sky filling with lightning, blowing every bit of voltage he had in an effort to hit her, to stop her...

...and she avoided it all.

She weaved and spun her way towards him, each bolt zipping past her body. I'm talking mere inches of separation between the lightning and her taut frame, and she easily navigated the desperate defenses of Electro like a fighter pilot.

When Ms. Marvel finally got to Electro's level, my eyes went back to him, away from the amazing aeronautic acrobatics...and I was looking at Maxwell Dillon. Crimson electricity still danced along his body, but there was skin, flesh, muscle, and the familiar yellow-and-green costume. The bullet holes still tore across the front of his costume, but underneath it, the skin was fresh and pink.

Dillon himself panted as Ms. Marvel hovered before him. Sweat ran down his face, his chest heaving, his eyes unfocused. "How," he gasped. "How did you avoid all that...that was impossible..."

"That's another word the Avengers don't know, Dillon. 'Impossible.'"

"Well," Electro managed to chuckle. "I'm dry. A dead battery. Go ahead. Take your best shot. Kill me if you got the stones."

She sighed wearily, her eyes beginning to blaze with resigned anger. "You just never learn, Electro. I'm not going to kill you. I'm going to do something much, much worse to you."

"If you mean hit me in the groin, Herman's beaten you to it," he said defiantly.

"Ah. Well, that just means I'll have to grab you somewhere else." As I watched, with her still off the ground, Ms. Marvel's hand darted between his legs. To some creeps, this would have been a dream come true. To Electro, through...

His eyes went wide as she gripped him. The air he had managed to breathe in exploded from him in a loud gasp, and a choked sound of agony escaped from his mouth soon after.

"There's other places to hurt a man beside his crotch, Dillon. Where I'm grabbing you now? It ain't your balls, and it ain't your asshole." She ducked slightly, and then both of them zoomed into the air. As a member of the male gender, I winced in sympathy as Ms. Marvel took Electro into orbit...supporting him in a most painful way. I leaned back, watching the pair ascend, the pain too much for even Electro to mount a comeback.

After about five stories, using the nearby Dormammu for reference, the pair rocketed back towards Earth. I braced myself as Ms. Marvel drove Electro into the ground, using that...area...as the brace. No explosion of energy, no outpouring of electricity. Just shaking earth and vibrating teeth as Ms. Marvel cratered him. Electro bounced once into the air before, still holding him, Ms. Marvel hurled him into the ground. He was already limp at the moment of impact, his eyes rolling back into his head as his body shut down. She let go of him, standing over upon the unconscious form of Maxwell Dillon, the Villain of Voltage. "Spidey's not around to say it, so I guess I have to," she said, crossing her arms and giving him a victorious smirk. "Lights out, Electro."

X

"Damn," I said as I wandered over to where Electro was sprawled, "you jacked him up."

"He kept pushing my buttons," Ms. Marvel replied.

Electro's nose had been a fountain of blood before he had gone unconscious. Hell, his nose look more like a mashed cauliflower. His chest rose and fell slowly, and nasty bruises peppered his face.

"Note to self," I said to...myself..."never piss off Ms. Marvel."

She nodded once, and then turned away from the fallen villain. Her head craned up, and my gaze followed. Above us, the sky was a blur of fire and energy as Iron Man, MACH-IV, and Dormammu traded blows, while Thor's hammer glanced off of Dormammu's shoulder. "One down, Herman. Just the big guy to go."

"You guys have a plan, right? You have a plan to deal with Galactus when he shows up hungry for a snack. You have to have one for Dormammu."

"We do. It involves Doctor Strange." She shook her head. "Right now, all we can do is hope he finds his way back from wherever Dormammu pulled him to when he got yanked through the portal. Until then..."

"...you're going to need a lot more firepower," I finished.

"Yeah. Any suggestions?"

"Depends," I answered in an honest tone. "How much do you care about nuclear fallout and property damage in the tri-state area? And even then, I'm willing to bet a nuke wouldn't even scratch him."

"Well...only one thing to do then." She cracked her knuckles while looking up at the fiery face of the Dread Lord.

"Maybe we'll get lucky, he'll call you a blonde bitch, and you'll send him into orbit." As soon as those words were out of my mouth, I regretted them. Especially when her eyes turned towards me, and she cracked one knuckle so loud, it sounded like a bone snapping. "Hey," I said weakly, "it worked for kicking Electro's ass..."

"Ms. Marvel! Schultz!"

Oh, thank God for Colonel Fury.

We both turned to see Nick Fury jogging up to the two of us. Behind him, six of SHIELD's finest, wearing full body armor and carrying assault rifles held their formation. For an old man who had gotten his ass kicked a few minutes ago, he was still leading the way, telling any pain in his body to go sit in the corner until it was ready to play nice.

"Colonel," I said, fighting down the urge to salute. "I was wondering what the hell happened to you!"

"Snuck away when Thor was giving Electro the whole 'reason you suck' spiel." Fury came to a stop in front of us. His eyes snapped over to where Electro was unconscious on the ground. "You took out Dillon?"

"Ms. Marvel did," I answered. "Kicked the crap out of him."

He pointed to four of the SHIELD soldiers with him. "You four, restrain Dillon and keep an eye on him." Instantly, three rifles were pointed at the downed villain, while the fourth solider broke out the plasteel zip-ties. "Schultz," Fury said to me, nodding at the tome of magic I clutched in my hands, "this is no time to learn how to read. What the hell is that?"

"It's called the Darkhold, Colonel," I responded as Ms. Marvel kept an eye on Electro while the soldiers tied him up. "It's the book of magic that the Grim Reaper was talking about earlier. Baron Mordo was using it to directly drive the zombies when they broke into the park."

"And, Colonel Fury," Ms. Marvel added, "Herman here used it to put all the zombies down. He's the reason the dead aren't walking around right now."

The eyebrow above Fury's eye-patch raised slightly as he stared at me. "Really? You, Schultz? You worked a book of magic and stopped a zombie plague?" All I could do was nod as I got the full Fury stare, and I could only imagine how bad it would have been if he had both eyes. "Huh," he said after a few seconds, "how about that. Looks like you're good for something after all. You two!" He motioned for the final two soldiers to come over to where we stood. "Gentlemen, your job is to protect this man and the book he's carrying," Fury said, pointing a finger at me. "Do not let anyone or anything near him." The two soldiers nodded, and took up flanking positions on either side of me. "Congratulations, Schultz. You just found yourself under police protection." Before I could snark a reply, he turned to face Ms. Marvel. "So, Dormammu's on the doorstep. What's the plan?"

"Beat the hell out of him," the blonde Avenger replied. "Without Doctor Strange, we really don't have anyone who can give us the magical firepower to deal with him."

"What about someone else? Like Brother Voodoo," Fury countered.

"He's not here. If he shows up, you can throw him into the fray, Colonel, but right now, that well's run dry."

"Damn it. I don't do this magical crap, Ms. Marvel. Give me a target and let SHIELD fill it with lead!" Fury spit on the ground. "Alright, alright. Right now, SHIELD's evacuating the civilians to the south end of the park to get them out of harm's way. Once that's done, I can spare you all the firepower you want..."

A loud crack split the air. Above us, Iron Man spun out of control as Dormammu caught him with a right hand, sending the Avenger well away from him before he could right himself. As soon as he had control again, Iron Man was right back in the fight. Dormammu swung and swatted at the heroes swarming around him, but it was only their small size and speed that kept them from being smacked out of the sky.

"I don't think we have that kind of time, Colonel," I suggested.

"Well, we don't have an option, Schultz. The Fantastic Four and the Avengers at the ass end of Long Island are flying here, but who knows when they'll make it. Oh, and it gets better... apparently, Norman Osborn's thrown together his own little groups of super powered psychopaths. They're currently helping evacuate, but you give me the word, and I'll call them in. Just...they probably won't work well with you and yours, Ms. Marvel."

I stared as Ms. Marvel for a second, and we both thought the same thing. "Make the call, Colonel...but keep Osborn away from Herman," she replied. "I don't trust that man anywhere near a powerful artifact like the Darkhold."

"Ms. Marvel, after the boondoggle earlier tonight that nearly got everyone in this park slaughtered like penned-up sheep, Osborn damn well knows SHIELD's got itchy trigger fingers when it comes to him and ain't gonna need much of an excuse." He turned on his communicator, and barked his order. "Daniels! Tell Osborn...no. Tell Ares that we need him and the Thunderbolts up here by the reservoir! Dormammu's shown up and we...yes, you heard me! Osborn's going to hem and haw about wasting assets. Ares will come here looking for a fight and bring everyone else with him!"

"Why isn't he using magic?" I was watching Dormammu's punches barely missing the circling Avengers. "Seriously, this guy...shouldn't he be like, I don't know, frogs, plagues, rivers and seas boiling, human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together?"

"It's probably why he needed the Grim Reaper to sacrifice live human beings instead of dead ones. He's not at peak power on this plane." I nodded, her answer making sense as she continued. "It's probably the only reason we have a shot at this. Dormammu at full power? You and I wouldn't be having this conversation, Herman."

"Look, I know I keep saying I'm out of my league and everything, but...I am out of my league. I couldn't even DENT this guy!" Thor was still pounding away...I think it was Thor, anyway. MACH-IV was holding Captain America, as the soldier was giving orders to the Avengers.

"Herman, you did your job. All you have to do now is keep that damn book safe and make sure Dormammu, or Electro if he wakes up, doesn't get his hands on it." She reached out and gave my shoulder a firm, reassuring squeeze. "When this is all over, you'll probably get a medal or something out of all of this."

"I appreciate your faith in beating up that thing," I replied.

"We're the Avengers, Herman. Only the military kicks more ass before 0800 than we do." She let go of my shoulder, and leaped into the air. "Just keep that damn book safe," she cried out before flying into the fray, hands glowing with white energy.

X

"That's not in my contract," Venom said as he looked up at the towering form of Dormammu. "I didn't sign on to fight aliens."

"That is no alien, Gargan." The pickup truck's shocks sighed in relief as Ares leaped out of the cargo area. "That's Dormammu, a demon from another dimension. He came through that red gateway behind him. It's our duty to send him back."

"Alien, demon, what the hell are we supposed to do against that thing?" A thick black-arm pointed up at the ball of fire that made up Dormammu's face.

"He's got a human's being form." The sullen Japanese kid from earlier pulled himself out of the passenger side window, slithering up to the roof and standing on top, looking at the demon. "That means he's vulnerable. He has a weakness of some sort."

"Fantastic." Bullseye smirked as he climbed out of the driver's side. "Find me a hamstring," he said as he pulled a long, wicked sword from off his back, "and I'll cut that bastard down to size. He's magic? Well, so am I."

"Where's your boss," Nick Fury asked the flying form of Moonstone. The blonde in the skin-tight outfit hovered over the pick-up truck that had brought the Thunderbolts here, sizing up the situation as Fury called out to her.

"He's back at the command trailer," she replied. "We're going to need more reinforcements, and he wants to be on deck to help coordinate them."

"Command trailer? We need him and that candy-striped power armor of his down HERE! Does he think a couple extra plasma rifles are going to do anything against that?" Fury slammed his hands down on the hood of the truck. "Damn it, Osborn! What the hell are you playing at?"

"Ares," Moonstone said over Fury's rising ride of frustration. "Dakken and Bullseye should work on the hamstring idea. If they can hobble him, it'll be easier to get him off his feet so the non-fliers can work him over."

Ares rubbed his chin, studying the demon, and nodded once. "Dakken, Bullseye. If you can cripple Dormammu, do so."

Bullseye grinned under his mask. "Never got to kill a god before. This should be fun." The Japanese boy, Dakken, hopped off the pick-up truck's roof. The two of them passed by me, the grin still plastered on Bullseye's face, as he and Dakken took the long way around towards Dormammu's heels.

"Want me to go with them?" Venom was crouched on the ground, muscles bulging under the sheer black skin of the symbiote he shared his body with.

"No. You've seen 'Empire Strikes Back,' Gargan. If he starts to waver, you wrap up his legs like one of those snow walkers and yank him over." Moonstone gave Venom a harsh smirk. "And make sure we're out of the way when he tips over."

"Got it."

"I guess I just stand here and look pretty, huh," I commented. Aside from the smirk Bullseye had given me as he walked by, the Thunderbolts hadn't even noticed us as they set about their task. Ares held his massive axe in one hand, studying Dormammu with a critical eye, while Venom was motionless, save for his tongue slowly moving over his sharp teeth.

"Well, Herman, you can just stand there," Moonstone shot back, without even sending a glance in my direction. "The big boys are here now to save the day."

"Oh? Then I guess my feeling of nervousness in my gut's really just relief, huh?"

"We're not stupid like the Avengers, Herman," Venom hissed behind me. "We like to plan things out."

"Great. You have a plan, the Avengers have a plan, the Grim Reaper had a plan! I was always the guy with the plans! Everyone's ripping me off!"

That earned a chuckle from the former Scorpion. "True, too true. You know, Herman, with the zombie apocalypse killing off about half the planet, I'm sure there are jobs open in the Thunderbolts..."

"Don't even joke about that, Mac," I growled, the Darkhold shifting in my arms as I felt a bit of anger.

"Don't antagonize Herman Schultz, Gargan." Ares had stepped forward, coming between me and the symbiote. "This man has done more to help humanity than you have in the past week. He's earned our respect. Go help Dakken and Bullseye. Now."

"I was just kidding around," Venom groused as he bounded away, leaping across the ground on all fours towards where the two men were already, from a safe distance, trying to find a weak point in Dormammu's heel or calf.

So there I was, standing next to the God of War. He was staring up at Dormammu, much like I was, watching the battle flaring around him. "How long have they been fighting, Herman," he asked me.

"Ten, maybe fifteen minutes." I watched as MACH-IV shot a barrage of missiles as Dormammu's face, only for the projectiles to vaporize in the fiery aura surrounding him. "I can't tell if they're even putting a dent in him."

"Dormammu is biding his time," Ares replied. "He is slowly building up his reservoir of magical power. Eventually, he will begin to unleash the magic he has learned over the course of eternity. And not even the mighty Avengers will be able to stand up to that. From there, it will be a matter of time before he raises the dead again, and the cycle of undeath will continue until the whole plane has been devoured."

He said it so matter-of-factly, speaking with thousands of years of history under his belt. I could only try not to gulp. "Then what the hell are we going to do, Ares?"

"Without Doctor Strange? We fight." Ares hefted his war axe. "That is all there is left to do. Fight and hope for a miracle. Moonstone. I wish to bury my axe into his head."

"Sounds good to me, Ares. Hang on." Moonstone swooped down behind Ares, and wrapped her arms around his thick waist. They took off, yellow energy trailing after her as she carried the massive Ares into the air. Moonstone was on a direct course for Dormammu's face, Ares gripping his war axe with both hands, already lining up a solid...

The leather-gloved hand pimp-slapped Moonstone before she cleared Dormammu's waist. "WOMAN, PLEASE. DO YOU THINK I FAILED TO NOTICE YOU?"

The pair went flying to one side, Moonstone spinning out of control. Ares went flying as well, Moonstone's grip on him coming undone from the impact. She quickly recovered from her spin, though, and swooped down to grab Ares as he passed Dormammu's knee. "Bastard hits like a freight train," she told Ares as she held him with both arms again.

"Aye," a voice called from above. "And in every moment that passes, his strength upon this material plane grows." Thor lowered himself to face the two Thunderbolts, sweat covering his skin. "Moonstone. Ares. What brings you here?"

"We are here to defeat Dormammu," Ares replied. "And your Avengers are in a perfect position to assist us, God of Thunder." I couldn't believe he said that line with a straight face.

Thor's smile in response was small and tight. "The Avengers could use your assistance, God of War."

"We have several guys trying to trip him up," Moonstone said, pointing down to the heel of Dormammu's foot. "If we can knock him down..."

"Aye. Ares, you should assist on the ground. I will take command up high." Before Ares could reply, Thor shot off, heading towards the head. Ares simply motioned for Moonstone to take him down to the ground, swinging behind the demon.

"THE HIGH/LOW TRICK? DO YOU NOT KNOW WHO YOU ARE DEALING WITH? DO YOU NOT KNOW WHO I AM? I AM DORMAMMU! THE DREAD LORD!" He suddenly kicked backwards, and the Thunderbolts went sprawling, leaping out of the way as he tried to drive his foot into them. "I SEE THE AVENGERS HAVE FOUND NEW RECRUITS! COME, THEN! WHEN THE TIMES COMES, YOUR SACRIFICES WILL GRANT ME THE POWER TO FINISH DEVOURING THE WORLD!"

It was like watching your favorite football team lose, and coming from a Jets fan, that's saying something. One kick just scattered a whole bunch of supers, and from what I could tell, the other group wasn't faring any better. I hadn't seen Electro own the Avengers, and in the end, that had turned out to be nothing more than a fluke victory on his part. This time out...Dormammu wasn't beating the Avengers. He was toying with them. And if Ares and Thor were right, and he was just waiting for his recharge to unleash his magic...

"We're so screwed, Herman," I said to myself."

"Did someone say 'bowling a perfect game?'"

The high pitched voice caught me and the SHIELD soldiers off guard. They had their plasma rifles spun around and aimed at the red-and-black figure before I could even react. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, guns," Deadpool squealed as he raised his hands into the air. "Ms. Marvel makes a Simpsons quote, and everyone loves it! Deadpool makes one, and everyone pulls a gun! Unless you pulled them because Deadpool is talking in the third person. Say the word, and Deadpool will stop."

"Guys, guys! It's cool," I said, waving my arms at the SHIELD soldiers. "It's cool, he's on our side. I think."

"Mr. Schultz," one of the soldiers replied, "Wade Wilson is one of the most dangerous men on the planet. Keeping weapons trained on him at all times is SHIELD protocol."

"It's ok, Herman. I just wanted to make sure they were following protocol, and not aiming those things at me for my poor choice of words." Slowly, Deadpool lowered his hands, and stepped forward. "So, this is the dramatically appropriate time for me to arrive, right Herman?"

"I...guess so?" Staring at him with what I was sure was a look of utter confusion, I pointed up to Dormammu. "If you have something...dramatically appropriate...that will put Dormammu down, then I'll go so far as being damn glad to see you."

"Sorry, Herman," Deadpool replied. "Not even the biggest weapon I got would scratch Flamebrain's paint job. However, I have something much, much better." He reached down into one of the pouches on his belt and began to rummage around. "Now, where the hell did Deadp...I mean, where did I put it..."

"Hey," I asked as he looked for something in the pouch, "wasn't the Trapster with you? You're coming from the south end of the park, right?"

"He's still down there," the mercenary replied. "You think he's going to be dumb enough to come up here and deal with this?"

"Makes him the smart one. I can't believe we're tangling with this guy either..."

"I meant you, Herman," Deadpool corrected. "Seriously, after the one-punch beating you gave him earlier, he's not coming anywhere near you. He's afraid you're going to kill him." I could only shrug as he gave a small cry of triumph. "Ah ha! I have here in this bottle, Herman, the cure for all your ills." Deadpool pulled his hand out of his pouch, and held up a small glass vial with a black rubber stopper. Inside the vial, a bright blue liquid gently glowed as it gently swirled at the bottom.

"What the hell is that?"

"It ain't Nuka-Cola, Herman. This right here is exactly what you asked for right before I showed up and saved this tale from a horrible death." He gently tapped the vial with a gloved finger. "You know what's in here, Herman? Plasma. You know what makes up plasma? Molecules. Now instead of just flat out telling you what that means, why don't we let your vaunt..."

"Molecules! Molecule Man!" I snapped my fingers and damned near almost hugged this man. "What is it? Anti-matter? No, that'd eat through the vial. Some kind of high explosive?" After a second, it dawned on me, the light bulb clicking in my head. "Is that...that's Molecule Man himself, isn't it?"

"Just a small part of him," Deadpool replied. "We couldn't fit all of him in the vial. I wanted to try, but Owen kept saying no."

"So if that's him...no. That's a part of him. That's something that ties back to him. Something that ties all the way back to...Denver?" I nodded to myself, quickly getting it. "That's a conduit, isn't it?

"And the man gets a cigar! See me after the epilogue, I'll hook you up." Deadpool popped the stopper out with one finger. "It's radioactive, just a bit, so he can home in on it. Molecule Man made his own tracking beacon when you called him. He just needed a volunteer to run it through hyperspace and bring it back to New York, and I figured, hell, I've never been to hyperspace, even though I played 'Defender' like a champ back in the day. He just needed, oh...how much time did he need..."

An airy musical sound came from Deadpool's belt.

"...I think he needed about this much time." He pulled an iPhone out of the same pouch he had been digging around in for the vial. "Hey, Owen! Glad to hear your voice. You ready to get this show on the road? Uh huh? Well, that's just ducky, because I got the Shocker here and he's staring at me like someone's giving him the business. Uh huh. See you real soon!"

He slid the phone back into his belt, and flashed me a big thumbs up. "You're gonna love this, Herman. It's gonna involve some really cool looking special effects. Tom Savini, eat someone else's heart out!"

Deadpool was humming "The Final Countdown" by Europe as he tipped the vial over. "Duh na na na...na na na na...duh na na na...duh duh duh duh duh na..." The blue plasma slipped from the bottle. It fell through the air like melting ice cream and landed on the grass at our feet. We all took a step back, myself, Deadpool, and the two SHIELD soldiers as the plasma proceeded to just...lie there in a lump.

"Huh," Deadpool said. "You'd think it'd be more...sciencey."

"Give it time," I said. You had to give science a few moments. "Just...give it time."

Slowly, like a watched pot finally starting to boil, the plasma shifted. It stretched into the air, like a snake being charmed by a flute player. Fascinated, I stared as the plasma pulled itself off the ground, rising like a hoverboard. It curled upon itself, swirling down into a tight little ball as it reached eye level. It shone bright, blue lights with white striping as it began to spin in a clockwise manner.

"Guys," I said, "this is where we stand the hell back." The sounds of the Avengers and the Thunderbolts battling Dormammu behind us were in the back of our minds as we all carefully stepped away from the swirling ball. It started to spin, quickly reaching a rapid speed, turning on its axis like a generator wheel.

Then reality got a hole in it.

My mind immediately tried to rationalize the sight in front of me as the swirling ball simply expanded like an instantly filled balloon. Blue and white were replaced by a huge field of black, white stars shimmering in the background. It was the counterpart to the red portal on the other side of Dormammu, but I'd rather step into the blackness of space than the blood red circle in a heartbeat.

Deadpool gave a low whistle. "Never saw it from this side," he said quietly, awe in his voice. Black shadows were moving towards the portal's exit, moving at a high rate of speed...and I couldn't have been happier to see any of them.

As soon as the first person went "boots dry" on the grass of Central Park, a voice boomed behind us. "WHAT? WHAT IS THIS? WHO OPENED A NEW RIP IN TIME AND SPACE?"

Molecule Man, his sand brown hair windblown by the trip through hyperspace, took a few steps forward. "I did, Dormammu," he called out towards the towering demigod as the rest of the forms poured out of the portal. "Anything magic can do, science can do. And anything science can do..." He waved his hand over his head in a large circle. "...I can do better!"

The portal snapped backwards for a second before zipping shut, leaving reality in its place. And reality consisted of about fifty pissed-off supervillains, all standing behind Molecule Man, spoiling for a fight.

"Well," Speed Demon said, the smuggest smirk humanly possible, etched under his red goggles, "look at this! Appears we got here just in the nick of time. What does that make us?"

Hydro-Man's watery form gave a boastful reply. "Big damn heroes, Speed!"

"Ain't we just?" Speed Demon raised a hand in my direction. "Damn, Herman? I heard you were tangling with a big guy, but this takes the damn cake. Your talent for pissing people off is damn near cosmic-level!"

"Yes, James, I'm very proud," I shot back, a big grin on my face. Spread out behind Molecule Man were the most of the same villains that had crowded into my warehouse to help protect a whole bunch of civilians. Faces I had only seen hours ago filled me with joy and relief reserved for seeing long absent friends. Speed Demon and Hydro-Man were at the forefront, with Blizzard coming up to their side, and behind them...the muscular duo of Thunderball and Piledriver, all that was left of the Wrecking Crew...the snapping tentacles of Doctor Octopus...the Awesome Android cracking its knuckles, and next to him, the Mad Thinker in a hoverchair with a ridiculously looking over-engineered Tesla gun bolted to the front...and even a few new additions...the Wizard, hovering in mid-air in his purple power armor, and Whirlwind floating next to him, his lower body engulfed by a tornado...

"You came back," I said with awe. All of them. They had all come back. I had begged Molecule Man to send everyone back to help beat back the flood of zombies pouring into Central Park. And even with the zombie plague ended, they had come back.

"Well...yeah. You called. We answered," Hydro-Man replied. "Granted, we're really confused because someone said you were the Chameleon or the Chameleon was you...but Speed Demon said you called him, asking for help. So...we answered."

"Besides," Speed Demon said, still grinning a bit, "we heard you were the one who killed all the damn zombies. So...we all owe you one. Playing hero should square the damn bill, Herman, right?"

"HEROES? HONESTLY?" Dormammu's mocking laughter boomed across the night sky. "ALL OF YOU ARE NOTHING MORE THAN LAUGHING STOCKS, HIGH END PEASANTS AT BEST! NONE OF YOU ARE WORTHY TO BE OF NOTICE TO MY TIME!"

"Damn," Aqueduct remarked, his head craned back to stare up at the form of Dormammu said. The tank on the back of the hydromancer bubbled slightly, filled with high pressure water. "I think the big evil guy with his face on fire just said we're not worthy of his time."

"You're right," Blizzard replied. "You think we should listen to him and just go home?"

After a few seconds, Aqueduct shook his head. "Nah. I didn't get yanked through hyperspace to not get in my pound of flesh against the guy who tried to kill the entire world. Ice fist to the balls?"

"Ice fist to the balls." And the two of them rushed forward, Blizzard making an ice slide while Aqueduct flew into the air, propelled by jets of water shooting from his hands. That was the kick-off, as the rest of the villains went after them. They rushed past where I stood, and I had to spin to watch them file past, sprinting at Dormammu.

"Fliers, go high, and assist the Avengers! Everyone else, to the rear! Assist whoever is back there! Get this abomination off his feet!" The Wizard, taking charge, pointed towards Dormammu as the fliers streamed past. "You do not come to the Wizard's planet and try to destroy it!"

"It's because of you, my sister's dead!" Machete, his trademark weapons held in both hands, held them into the air. "I will see you burn in hell, foul creature!"

"You mess with one of us," Cottonmouth yelled, his adamantium jaw unhinged, "you mess with all of us!"

The silent sound of a sword being drawn was audible as the last of the bad guys charged Dormammu. "For pony," Deadpool whispered before, with a loud battle cry, he threw himself at Dormammu, infringing heavily on a registered trademark in the process.

"FOR POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONY!"

X

You're going to think I'm cheating here.

There's no way I can do this fight justice.

Close your eyes for a minute and imagine almost seventy super-powered beings in action. Lasers sizzling through the air, the sound of hammers and axes banging off of magical armor, ice and fire raining from the sky, and the voices of Captain America, Ares, and the Wizard barking out orders, trying to control the chaotic scene that's going on around them and barely succeeding. Speed Demon running a thick cable around Dormammu's legs, and Venom plucking the wild cable out of mid-air when it snaps. The Wizard and MACH-IV, side by side as they try to blast a weak point somewhere in Dormammu's armor. Constrictor and Ares trying to find purchase to lift Dormammu's foot and gain some leverage.

And I'm not even coming close to describing everything that's gone on around me. The Avengers, the Thunderbolts, and an army of supervillains...all working together because my dumb ass decided, on an impulse, to pull three civilians out of a 7-11 and someone put it up on YouTube for the entire world to see. A week ago, everyone here would have been at each others throats, and now, all those differences had been put aside.

No words could describe it. Michael Bay and James Cameron couldn't put it on screen with an unlimited budget. All you can do is close your eyes and try to imagine it. Or look for someone's jumpy cell phone footage on YouTube

Besides, I'm not the best one to describe the melee anyway. Because I was the one standing on the sidelines watching the entire time.

X

"I feel so useless," I muttered as I watched the entire fight from about 200 feet away.

"Ms. Marvel ordered you to protect the Darkhold," one of the SHIELD soldiers responded. "And Colonel Fury ordered us to protect you. This is as close as we're going to allow you to get."

"Yeah, yeah..." He was absolutely right, of course. The last thing we need was Dormammu getting his hands on a book of dark magic. He hadn't come for it, though, ever since Electro got knocked out by Ms. Marvel. He was too busy dealing with the swarm of superheroes and supervillains around him. Dormammu staggered, and he cursed, but he was still standing. Were the heroes just a distraction? Were they actually getting to him? Or was he just toying with them, biding his time until his powers came back? His attacks were getting a lot closer to the fliers, and his stomps on the ground at the people trying to knock him off his feet were carrying a lot more impact. Some of the most powerful beings on the planet...and it wasn't enough.

Fury had said that the Sentry and the Fantastic Four were inbound, but there was no way we could count on them arriving in time. This was the final stand, 35-32 :03 seconds left in the fourth quarter, and the opposing team was first-and-goal on the 2-yard line. We, all of us, had fought hard to save this world, defending the helpless from the living dead, and now, was there a shot in hell left at actually winning? Actually making it all worth while?

You bet your ass there was. Ms. Marvel said it just moments before. "We don't know the meaning of the word defeat," I said quietly. Alright, Herman. It's time for just one more plan. And the objective is simple. Beat Dormammu somehow. If the combined forces currently tearing into him couldn't bring him down, then there was only one person who could stop him.

Doctor Strange.

Who was lost somewhere in the magical ether of the red portal behind Dormammu.

Ok, options, options. Really, the only one was going through the portal and looking for him, but...it'd be like going to Newark. You have no clue where you're going and will probably end up shanked and robbed, and spending my final hours bleeding out in a mystical dimension ranks just below getting eaten alive by zombies.

I didn't have a choice, though, did I? We needed Doctor Strange. We needed someone who could take on Dormammu, someone who didn't lose...

...

...

...someone who never lost. Ever. Ever.

Oh, crap. Damn it. Even now, after everything I've done, he still keeps popping up. The one guy who never, ever, ever loses. The guy who's ass you could kick and he'd still come at you with a smirk and a stupid quip. I don't think I've ever hated, really hated, anyone more than this person (with, of course, the recent exception of Norman Osborn), but, when push comes to shove...he's the man. The problem was, in order to get to him, I need to talk to a third guy, who was currently the number two guy on my 'most pissed off' list. All we need is Electro back on his feet and Stephanie Torrano, who blew me off at the Senior Prom, and I'd be depending on the top five people I currently hate the most to help defeat Dormammu...

"Hey," I told one of the SHIELD soldiers standing next to me, "I need a favor. I have an idea."

He turned to look at me, his face hidden under the tinted visor of his helmet. "You have an idea? What can I do to help, Mr. Schultz?"

Mister Schultz...still sounds kind of nice. "I need you to make a call and get someone on the line for me. Not on the hands-free stuff inside your helmet, but on your actual communicator. I need you to get someone on the line and then hand the phone over to me. If I try to call him, he's not going to want to talk to me."

"Sure," the soldier responded. He unclasped a small device from his shoulder, barely bigger than an iPod Nano. "I can try. Who do you need?"

Deep breath. "I need you to get in touch with Peter Petruski. He should be in the south end of the park with the rest of the refugees."

"The Trapster?" The soldier flipped his visor up. He couldn't have been old enough to drink as he stared at me in confusion. "What do you want him for? Scuttlebutt says he tried to kill you and you decked him when you caught up with him."

"Yeah," I said as, overhead, Moonstone hammer-swung Wonder Man towards Dormammu. "We're not on speaking terms right now. Which is why the universe is screwing with me and making him so damn important."

"Wow. The universe must NOT like you, Mr. Schultz." He flipped open the communicator. "Command, Corporal Sonby here. I need you to patch me through to Peter Petruski's government communicator. Priority One. Yeah, I'm being serious. Priority One."

After a few seconds, a series of beeps, like a fax machine making a connection, came from the device. Just afterward, a familiar voice responded. "Petruski here."

"Petruski, Corporal Sonby. Wait one." The soldier handed the communicator over to me, placing it in my outstretched hand.

"Peter," I said, "it's Herman. I need your help."

Silence from the other end. No surprise. "Pete, I'm being serious. I'm standing here watching the Avengers and the Thunderbolts and pretty much everyone you and I ever drank with or had a beer with throwing themselves as a guy calling himself the Dread Lord and actually living up to the name. I have a plan, but I need your help. No joke."

More silence. I let go of the talk button to let out an exasperated sigh before diving right back in. "Come on, Pete...please. I know you're there, man."

"What the hell do you want, Herman," his voice shot back from the other end. "You broke my damn jaw!"

"Norman Osborn had you try to kill me, Pete!"

"And he tried to have you kill me a couple of years ago! Why the hell do you think I was so pissed at you!"

"Look, look, Pete...if you want to argue about this later on, we can, alright? Hell, I'll even buy the damn beer! But right now, Pete...I know you're tight with Osborn. I don't care. I need your help."

The quiet almost made me jump out of my skin. The sounds of the huge battle behind me paled in comparison to the lack of noise. "Come on, Pete," I said quietly. "You know I wouldn't be calling you right now after all that's happened if I didn't need your help."

"...you're going to owe me, Herman," he finally said. "I'm talking the big bucks."

"Fine, great," I said in relief, "whatever you want. Look, I just have one question, and I know you can answer it. What did Osborn do with Spider-Man?"

"...Spider-Man? What the hell do you want him for?"

"Because," I told him, "he's fought Dormammu before, and that lucky bastard always figures out a way to freaking' win. Maybe he knows something the rest of us don't. Right now, the Avengers and Osborn's team need every single advantage they can get their hands on."

"Ok..." Trapster replied. "So then why the hell are you calling me, Herman? I haven't seen him."

"Come on, Pete. Don't lie to me now. I'm being serious here."

"Screw you," he spat at me over the airwaves. "Why the hell would you think I had something to do with Spider-Man disappearing? I haven't seen him since yesterday morning when he went out on zombie patrol!"

"Oh, just cut the crap," I shot back. "The last time I saw Spider-Man and Boomerang, they were coming into Central Park over the wall down by 59th Street. Nick Fury said they never showed up. If Spider-Man's missing, I'm willing to bet your boss had something to do with it." Boomerang. I had completely forgotten about him. What the hell kind of friend was I? "So tell me where Osborn shoved Spider-Man and Boomerang, and I'll forget you tried to kill me. We'll be even and square."

"Herman, I don't know what the hell you're babbling about," Trapster replied. "I've been with Osborn all damn day, and I never saw or heard anything about Spider-Man or Fred. And I'm telling the damn truth."

"Damn it! Come on, man, you have to seen or heard something. This is...we need Spider-Man's help, Pete, or else..."

"I got nothing, Herman. As far as I know, Osborn had nothing to do with Spider-Man's disappearance. Now, get off the damn line, I'm risking my ass and actually trying to keep a bunch of civilians in order." A loud beep indicated communications had been cut off.

"Damn it," I swore, shoving the communicator back at Corporal Sonby. Either Pete was lying, in which case I couldn't do a damn thing about it, or Pete was telling the truth, in which case, I couldn't do a damn thing about it. Osborn had to have Spider-Man, and Boomerang as well. Why the hell else would the wall-crawler and Fred up and vanish? They had made it into the park, and I don't think any goons on Osborn's payroll could have stopped those two from making it back to the refugee camp and alerting everyone else about the Grim Reaper's attack. So what the hell happened? Did some kind of invisible hand just come out nowhere and snatch...

...them away...like Dormammu had done with Doctor Strange earlier?

Electro warns the Grim Reaper's something that myself, the Punisher, Boomerang, and Spider-Man knows what's going on. The Punisher goes after Black Talon. That had to be enough warning for the Reaper to set some kind of trap, snag Spider-Man and Boomerang and tuck them away somewhere, before they could warn everyone and Doctor Strange shuts down making that portal that let the Grim Reaper's crew sneak into Central Park and gave Dormammu an opening to force his way through. And if he's snagged Spider-Man and Boomerang and then snagged Doctor Strange, odds are he's thrown them all into the same jail cell or prison, right?

It was flimsy. Damn flimsy. But if anyone out there had a better, more thought out line of logic...well, too late now, ain't it?

Of course, they probably weren't even ON this planet anymore. We need to get them back here somehow, but how? They were lost in some mystical dimension or trapped in spell-locked room or something magical along those lines...

...it's official. I hate my train of thought sometimes. First, I realized that I need the one guy on this planet I hate the most to help beat Dormammu. Second, I realized that that person, along with another person who could help AND one of my closest friends, if not the closest friend now that Aleksei was gone, were trapped somewhere beyond my ability to help them. Third, and worst of all, it turns out I did have the ability to help them. I was holding it in my hands at that very moment.

For someone's as smart as I am, I end doing some very, very, VERY stupid things on nothing more than pure impulse now and again. See the chain of events that brought me to this damn point. But hell, it's worked out so far, ain't it?

"Um...Mr. Schultz?"

"Just keep me covered," I told the confused Corporal Sonby as I sat down on the ground. "My plan didn't quite work out the way I had hoped, so I'm falling back on Plan B."

"What's Plan B?"

"I have no freaking' clue," I answered honestly. "'B' probably stands for 'Book of Magic Boning Me In the Ass.'" I set the closed Darkhold on my lap, and rolled my neck. I wasn't stretching, it just felt like a neck-rolling moment.

"I'm going to hate myself in the morning...if I'm still alive...but you and me have to have another talk."

Silence from the book.

_I know you're in there. Don't get mad at me just because I didn't fall for your temptation. It was a nice try. A week ago, I probably would have given in. You just caught me during a time of self-assurance and optimism. It's not you. It's me._

_...is your humor always so horrid..._

_I'm ain't known for my jokes. Like I said, you and me need to talk._

_...we have nothing to say to you, Herman...you threw a change at glory and prestige away, and made a mockery of our powers, of the gift we offered you..._

_Come on, man...don't be pissy like that. You made me an offer, and I ran with it. I just ran in a different direction than you want me to. I can't be the first person to trick you like..._

_...you did not trick us! You exploited us! A small-minded creature such yourself could never trick us!_

I wasn't going to argue with the tricky book of black magic. _You're right. I just got lucky. I found a loophole and walked right through it, like a hacker exploiting a computer bug. There's no way a putz like me could ever get one up on you._

_...this is true...you are what you would refer to as an end user...you are the catalyst, and we are the ones who cast the spells...the living dead possess more raw magical talent then you do, Herman Schultz...you are clever, but in the end, you simply push the trigger..._

_Yeah, well, magic ain't my thing. But right now, we're still bound together. That's right, isn't it?_

_...yes...your blood still stains our pages...you are still our master..._

_And I take it you ain't too enthused by that turn of events. You wanted blood, and I didn't give it to you, but now you're stuck with me_

_...being in your hands is like being a paintbrush in the hands of a deaf, dumb, and blind person..._

_Ok, then...thanks for the vote of confidence. Well, then, I have a deal for you. I don't exactly want to be bound to you either. I'm a little bit science, you're a whole lot of magic, and those two don't mix. You help me do one thing, and I'll release you from any and all ties and obligations the two of us made._

_...why would you do this...you would be giving away incredible power..._

_Because I'm not an incredible power kind of guy. I got my vibro-smashers, and that's all I'll ever need. You're too much of a temptation for me to have around."

_...you could just lock me away..._

_Man, you're an evil book of magic. You'll find a way to escape, and then I'm screwed. No, it's real easy. You help me do one thing, and we're square. You go your way, and I'll go mine._

_...what is it you wish for me to do..._

_Summon Fred Myers, Doctor Strange, and Spider-Man to me._

_...you wish to bring them here..._

_Yeah. One's a friend and the other two will help me stop Dormammu. And don't think Dormammu's going to treat you kindly, he sent Electro after you, and once that plan fell apart, he's spending more time fighting the Avengers and everyone else than just reaching down here and snatching you from my hands. You bring them back here, they help get rid of Dormammu, and then you're free and clear to find some other sap to treat and tempt._

_...difficult...they are on the other side of that portal...but limbo is vast...hard to pin down..._

_Wait. How the hell did you know that?_

_...friendship binds you to the one you call Boomerang...hope binds to the one called Doctor Strange...hate binds you to the one you call Spider-Man...you are the beacon...you are the lighthouse...but they are far away, Herman..._

_Can you bring them back?_

_...blood..._

_Oh, not this again. Come on._

_...drops...three drops...one for each...can be done...not to bind us...but to fuel the ritual..._

_Damn it...alright. Alright. You bring them back here, safe and sound, and in one piece...no tricks, no bringing back their bodies and stranding their minds...I want them back like they left._

_...be warned...you must open me to the proper page...once I am open, Dormammu will feel the flow of magic...he will try to stop you..._

_Yeah...well...they better keep him off of me, then._

I opened the cut again on my forehead. It took a while longer, as it had begun to heal slightly under the scab, but I felt the warmth pooling in the wound. I leaned forward, pushing on the skin with my finger. The first two drops sunk into the profane cover, while the third, when it hit, flowed up the front of the book like it was rolling downhill towards the center.

_...open me, Herman...and I shall hold up my end of the bargain..._

As soon as I cracked the Darkhold open, I could feel Dormammu's gaze immediately, intense heat focusing on the back of my lowered head like a laser beam.

"WHAT IS THIS? WHO HAS OPENED THE DARKHOLD?"

_Whatever you're going to do, do it quick._

_...I can not be rushed...they must be located..._

"SCHULTZ? HERMAN SCHULTZ? WHAT INSANITY IS THIS? YOU'RE NOT A SORCERER! YOU'RE NOT EVEN A STAGE MAGICIAN!" A booming footstep...and then another, this one closer to where I was sitting. "THE LAST ACT OF A DESPERATE MAN, BUT I KNOW ALL THE LEGENDS AND FABLES, HERMAN. IT'S INSECTS LIKE YOU THAT FATE CHOOSES TO BE THE HERO OF THE DAY."

A leather-like boot crashed down onto the ground next to me. I looked up from the mystic pages of the Darkhold to see an ankle...and a knee...and a thigh...

"SO, I'M GOING TO END YOUR STORY RIGHT NOW, HERMAN. NO ONE WILL STOP THE DREAD LORD FROM FEASTING UPON THIS PLANET! NO ONE!"

"Oh no! Ditch," Corporal Sonby cried as Dormammu dropped to one knee, ignoring the beams of light the Living Laser was pouring into the fireball that was his head. The ground shook at Dormammu steadied himself and raised his huge hand into the air. Sonby and the other SHIELD soldier dove out of the way as the hand pushed through the air like Dormammu was trying to smash a fly. I didn't even have time to try to get to my feet, barely able to shift to one side as the palm of his hand descended towards me to flatten me into the ground and the first parts of my childhood flashed before my eyes...

Crunch.

Visions of beating up Timmy Schneider when I was seven dropped away as a stone pillar erupted from the earth in front of me. It rose into the air, the top of the pillar falling away as it turned into three fingers stretching towards Dormammu's palm strike. As the Dread Lord was about twenty feet away from turning me into a strawberry cream cheese schmear, the fingers caught his wrist, quickly wrapping around it. The stone arm sunk back into the ground as it slowed Dormammu's attack, bringing it to a halt about ten feet above my exposed head.

"Don't just stand there," Molecule Man yelled out as he concentrated on gripping Dormammu's wrist, "somebody give me a hand here!"

Thor was the first to arrive, followed quickly by Wonder Man and Whirlwind, who created an updraft as the two Avengers pushed and shoved on Dormammu's wrist just above where the stone hand of Molecule Man was straining to keep me from being squished.

_...they are close, Herman..._

_Put that on hold, we're moving!_

_...if we move, the connection will be lost..._

_If we don't move, we're going to get squished._

_...if we don't move, you will be squished...we will simply be scuffed...the connection is growing stronger..._

"FOOLS! I HAVE ANOTHER HAND!" Yeah, thanks for the update, Dormammu. His other hand simply swept along the ground, skimming the grass as now he looked to simply smack me upside my spine and send me flying through the air. I found myself flashing back to Timmy Schneider again...

I was already bracing myself for the impact, leaning away, which would have been as effective as trying to catch a sword stroke with my bare hand, when Dormammu's hand suddenly stopped. And I mean exactly that. It just came to a screeching halt, no sound, no light, just halting. I swear, I could make out the individual seams in Dormammu's glove as it hung motionless in mid-air.

"WHAT? WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?"

"No sorcery," a voice I had heard on TV time and time again call out in a taunting manner. "Just something fantastic."

Oh, thank God they showed up.

As the blonde with the look of concentration on her face kept both hands splayed towards Dormammu, the young man in the blue spandex leaped down from the silver aircar, a huge grin plastered all over his face. "Well look at this! Appears we got here just in the..."

"We already made that joke, flamebrain," Speed Demon called out as he zipped past the young man. "Get some new material!"

"What?" The grin quickly faded from his face. "You're kidding me! Come on, that joke was tailored made for our entrance!"

"Focus, Johnny," a gravelly voice answered. A huge orange rock, in the shape of a man, climbed out of the aircar. "No flame on, no clobbering time, no screwing around. Time to get serious."

"THE WORLD'S GREATEST HEROES!" Dormammu pulled his hand away from the invisible barrier that had halted it, before slamming it forward again. The blonde let out a grunt of effort as the hand came to a sudden halt again "SURELY THIS IS A SIGN OF MY EVENTUAL TRIUMPH IF YOU HAVE ARRIVED!"

From the other side, the stone pillar that was supporting the hand suddenly cracked. Molecule Man grunted as well as the cracks quickly mended themselves. "I never believed in my lifetime," he deadpanned, "that I would be so happy to herald the arrival of the Fantastic Four."

"The feeling is mutual, Owen." And that came from the world's smartest man as he stretched his way out of the aircar. "Sue, can you hold that barrier?"

"Not without help," Susan Storm told her husband, Reed Richards.

"Ben, help out Susan," Mr. Fantastic called out. He was already on his way, running towards me, the only time in my life I'd be happy to see the Thing coming my way. "Johnny, assist Molecule Man!"

"I can't believe it," the young man said, before his entire body burst into flames. "FLAME ON," he cried as he shot into the air towards the stone pillar.

"Now," Mr. Fantastic said as the Thing's hands braced the invisible wall that the Invisible Woman had put up, standing just scant feet behind me, and the Human Torch joined Wonder Man and Thor, "can someone explain to me what is going on?

"To put it in terms you would understand, Richards," the voice of the Wizard called, "this is Dormammu. He is magic's counterpart to Galactus, and he was the driving force behind the plague that swept the world."

"That much I know," Mr. Fantastic replied to his long-time foe.

"Then this is what you don't know," the Wizard shot back. "Herman Schultz is apparently doing something that Dormammu doesn't want him to do, and we're trying to stop him!"

"Herman Schultz? But...what could he possibly do to hurt Dormammu?"

"NOTHING, RICHARDS. BECAUSE I'M GOING TO KILL HERMAN SCHULTZ!" The stone pillar cracked again, and I heard the Thing grunt as he pushed back against the barrier, and I urged the Darkhold to hurry it up.

_Come on, come on! Do you really want to be squished into the ground?_

_...we are searching, Herman...patience..._

_We don't have time for patience!_

"CEASE YOUR MECHINATIONS, HERMAN! YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY DEFEAT ME," Dormammu called.

"If you're that worried, Dormammu, then that's all the more reason to let the Shocker do whatever it is he's doing! Wizard, I need you to get all the strong heroes over here! Don't let Dormammu crush Schultz!"

"It is only because the fate of the entire world hangs in the balance, Richards, that I am entertaining one of your orders!" The Wizard flew off towards the back of Dormammu, where the heroes and villains who had been trying to help topple the Dread Lord when he was standing now mulled about, confused at what to do next. I could hear the Wizard begin to bark orders, and after a few seconds, the loud agreements of the group as they made their way towards where I was sitting on the ground, cross-legged.

Make no mistake, I was trying my best not to shake. Above me, several people were now adding their strength to Molecule Man's stone hand as it pinned one of Dormammu's hands in place. To one side, a rush of people streamed past, leaning against a wall no one could see, but kept Dormammu's hand from slamming into me and swatting me aside. And there I was, arguing with a book to go freaking' faster.

I didn't have time to be scared. I should have been in the State of Catatonia, because a god was actively trying to kill me, and a mix of villains I had worked with, villains I had fought with, and heroes who had arrested me were doing everything they could to keep me alive. The whole thing would have been surreal if it wasn't so damn terrifying. I hoped my therapist was alive after all was said and done, because I was going to crack open my personal stash of cash and offer her a whole bunch of money for thirty minutes on the couch. But that's the only time my mind wandered. No self-introspection, no monologuing, no worrying about my reputation or how over my head I was.

"YOU ONLY DELAY THE INVETIABLE! LET HERMAN SCHULTZ DIE, AND I MAY YET OFFER THIS PLANET A SWIFT DEATH!"

_Any luck?_

_...focus..._

_Focus? On what?_

_...focus on one of them...they are together...focus on one of them..._

I put a hand flat on the book. All around me, the sounds of chaotic battle, of straining muscles and laser blasts and screams and boasts and taunts, it all slowly faded away.

_...focus on one of them..._

_Which one of them?_

_...focus on one of them..._

Well, if I got squished while trying to do this, at least I probably wouldn't know it.

_Alright. How do I focus?_

_...think of one of them...of the emotions that tether you together..._

_Huh. Ain't really a person of emotion here._

_...you know not yourself, Herman Schultz...you plan, you plot, you do your best to balance your duals natures of being a criminal and being upstanding...one allows you to use me...the other allows you to save the world...emotion is a part of you...embrace it..._

_Embrace what? Hope for Doctor Strange? Hate for Spider-Man? Friendship for Boomerang?_

_...choose one...choose one..._

I made my choice.

_Fine. I choose hope._

_...hope is weak...hope is fleeting..._

_Hate would lead me down a dark path. Friendship went out the window the minute the Wizard took an order from Mr. Fantastic. Hope. That's what we all need right now. Hope that the one guy who can solve this problem can show up. Some of us hate. Some of us have friendship. We all have hope._

_...how sentimental..._

_Well, welcome to the human race. We're all about those thin slivers of hope. The hope of the big promotion, the hope that cute girl will talk to us, the hope that you can make that red light, and the hope that the Sorcerer Supreme's going to show up and save the damn day. Hope. That's what you got. Do it._

_...we can not wait to be free of you..._

_Mutual feelings here, pal. Sooner you get them back here, the sooner this all ends._

I closed my eyes. I had no clue if it helped.

_Hope. Hope. Hope. Hope._

_...that does not help us..._

_You said to focus on hope._

_...focus quietly_

Doctor Strange. Beating Dormammu. Saving the world. Bringing Fred back. Hell, even bringing Spider-Man back. Right now, the world needed heroes, even someone as annoying as him. Doctor Strange would bring them all back when he came back. He'd help defeat Dormammu and make the world safe again.

_shocker_

I felt an eyebrow raise in confusion. It wasn't the Darkhold's soft whispers that had spoken.

_...the tether has been made, Herman..._

_herman! herman!_

_Yeah...yeah! Yeah, it's Herman!_ The whisper were very faint, barely audible over the sounds of combat I was doing my best to regulate to the background. I had to focus completely on the quiet voice, ignoring the efforts of everyone else around me to keep me from getting crushed.

_herman! this is doctor strange! can you hear me?_

_Yeah! Oh, thank God...you're coming in really faint, though! Are Spider-Man and Boomerang there with you?_

_yes, but there's a lot of mystical static!_

_Hey, can you do something here? Increase the volume or cut down on the static?_

_...blood..._

_herman, who is the other voice? i can barely hear them._

_It's the Darkhold. Ms. Marvel and I got your last message and..._

_you found the darkhold? great! whatever you do, herman, do not give it any blood!_

_...um...too late..._

_what? what did you do, herman?_

_Look, we don't have a lot of time here, so let me explain...no, that'll take too long! Let me sum up! We got the Darkhold back from Baron Mordo and I gave it some of my blood to use it to stop the dead from coming back to life. And now, Dormammu's trying to squash me like a bug because I'm using the Darkhold to contact you and find a way to bring you back!_

_herman, you are not a magician! you have no reason to use that book! you are not trained for it!_

_Tell me something I don't know, Doctor!_

_herman, you have to listen to me, very very carefully. focus through the static and listen. first, do not give the darkhold anymore blood! you have already bonded yourself to the book as its master, and that is a very bad thing!_

_No more blood. On it._

_second, dormammu came through to our world. is he still near the portal that brought him there?_

_Yeah! I'd say...maybe two hundred feet away. The Avengers and a whole bunch of other supers are here fighting him._

_that is good. whoever is in charge, tell them to start trying to force dormammu towards the portal. we will change it from this end from an exit portal to an entrance portal. once dormammu is forced through, you, and only you, must throw the darkhold through the portal. that will seal the portal and deny dormammu and the darkhold entrance to this plane, and the threat should be ended once and for all._

_Ok...I think I got it._

_herman, it must be you who throws the book. this can not be stressed enough. the portal leads to a nexus of numerous dimensions and realities, constantly shifting and changing every instant. by banishing them from this plane separately, we can send them to different dimensions and make sure they never come in contact with each other again. you are the master of the darkhold for the moment, and you must be the one who severs the connection by willingly banishing him from this dimension, or else the darkhold will find its way back and act as a beacon to pull dormammu back. and if the darkhold is thrown first, dormammu can lock in upon it once he is pushed through the portal, and the combination of dormammu and the darkhold can be classified as a world-ender. and we've had enough of those this week._

_Yeah. Ok. No pressure. Got it._

_herman. can you do this?_

_We don't have a choice, do we? We can do it, Doctor Strange. We can end this and get these two things off our planet._

_good. you will know when the portal shifts. dormammu must go first, and then the darkhold. and you must be the one who throws it. i can not stress this enough, herman._

_Just handle your end, Doctor Strange. And make sure to save something to bring you three home. Fred still owes me for all the damn beer he drank._

I snapped the Darkhold shut, instantly severing the connection. The sounds of combat immediately slammed into me again. To one side, I could hear the gravelly voices of the Thing and Ares as they urged everyone to keep the Invisible Woman's barrier upright. On the other side, up in the air, Thor, Wonder Man, and several other heroes had their back under the stone hand that was keeping Dormammu pinned in place.

"YOUR EFFORTS, HERMAN, ARE IN VEIN!" The Dread Lord pulled his hand away, and in standing on his feet, ripped the stone hand from the ground. "THE TIME IS RIPE," he called out as the bits of rock fell back down to the Earth. "MY POWERS HAVE ALMOST RETURNED! NOTHING ANY OF YOU CRETINS CAN DO WILL MATTER! YOU HAVE ALREADY LOST!" Standing up and brushing the dirt from the back of my legs, I watched as Dormammu raised his hands up to the sky. Bolts of crimson fire began to gather in his hands as he cried out. "THIS WORLD, AND ALL UPON IT, BELONG TO DORMAMMU!"

"Ok, everyone," I called out, my voice holding more confidence than the situation called for, "Dormammu's got it all wrong. He's about to lose, and lose hard."

"OH, REALLY?" His gaze fell upon me again. "HUMOR ME, HERMAN, SINCE, FROM WHAT I'VE GATHERED, YOU'RE THIS WORLD'S EXPERT ON LOSING."

Being called a loser by a god...turns out, it didn't bother me as much as I thought it would have. "Guess who I just had a long talk with," I said, telling Dormammu and making sure the heroes gathered around me heard my words. "Doctor Strange. And he told me exactly how to beat you."

It took a second for Dormammu to respond. "HAH! DOCTOR STRANGE," he finally said, "ISN'T ON THIS PLANE ANYMORE! THERE IS NOTHING HE CAN DO TO INFLUENCE CURRENT EVENTS!"

"Sorry," I said. Here I was, arguing with a god like I was arguing with Spider-Man in the middle of a heist, and it didn't feel weird at all. "You're wrong. Absolutely wrong."

"NAME ONE THING. NAME ONE THING DOCTOR STRANGE CAN DO TO STOP MY CONQUEST AND CONSUMPTION OF THIS WORLD!"

"Well, for starters, that portal behind you is about to go from 'blow' to 'suck.'"

I've said it before, and I said it again. It's really the little things that make life worth living. And seeing a god's face take on that perfect "oh, crap" look?

"NO...NO! I WILL NOT BE DENIED! I WILL..."

The changed happened so suddenly, if it wasn't for the silver chains erupting from the portal, I wouldn't have noticed it for at least a couple of seconds. The links of magical energy wrapped around Dormammu's waist, sliding around each other to forge a tight bond. Immediately, his hands dropped down to his waist. "UNLEASH ME, YOU..."

He staggered back. Just a few feet. Towards the silver portal. Before, the magical doorway had been a blood red, and tendrils had waved out of its edges. It was how the Grim Reaper, and later Dormammu, had forced their way into Central Park. Now, the portal was a bright, shining silver, and the tendrils were on the inner side of the portal now, flapping harshly as the portal slowly turned into a vacuum cleaner, aiming to suck Dormammu the hell off this planet.

"NO, STRANGE! I WILL NOT BE DENIED MY FINAL VICTORY! NOT EVEN THE CHAINS OF OSHTUR WILL BIND ME..."

The God of Thunder slammed into Dormammu's chest, Mjolnir leading the way. "We will drive you from this world, Dread Lord, and you will know that this planet is defended!"

"AWAY, VERMIN!" Dormammu smacked as Thor, his fist tinged with red lightning, but Thor managed to swoop away. "I WILL..."

It was the Wizard who followed up, the beams from his Wonder Gloves tearing into Dormammu's torso. "Your magic is not welcome here, demon! Science will defeat you!" The chains tightened as the beams hit Dormammu, and he staggered backwards again.

"Do not stand fast!" Ares, his battle axe in hand, charged forward, taking the lead as his voice boomed across the park. "Hit this creature with every ounce of strength in your beings, drive him through that portal, and bind him from this very world!"

"You heard the man, people!" Right on Ares' heels, that was Captain America, who was keeping right up with the God of War. "Doctor Strange gave us the tools, let's finish the job!"

It wasn't Ares or Captain American who got to Dormammu first, however. A high pressure jet of water shot between them, smacking into Dormammu's ankle as the chains yanked on him again. "Come on, you sons of bitches," Hydro-Man screamed out, "do you want to live forever?"

"First Speed Demon, then freaking' Hydro-Man stole my lines! At this rate," the Human Torch said as he scorched overhead, "I'm going to be reduced to crying out..."

"By your powers combined," the voice of Deadpool cried as he leveled his assault rifle at Dormammu, "I am CAPTAIN PLANET!"

"Son of a bitch," the Human Torch cried before he laid into the Dread Lord.

The chains were tight around his waist, a straight line of shaking links reaching back to the portal. Dormammu's hands yanked and pulled at the chains as everyone poured everything that had into him, shoving at his feet, blasting his chest, and doing every single thing they could to push him back towards the waiting portal. "UNHAND ME," Dormammu cried loudly. "THIS CAN NOT STAND!"

"Herman!" I turned my head to see Mr. Fantastic standing next to me. I was keeping my ass well away from Dormammu, just in case the bastard got the power to start blasting everyone in sight. "What happens once Dormammu gets pushed through the portal?"

"According to Doctor Strange," I shouted back, "I throw this book through the portal after him, and the portal slams shut, and that's all she wrote for the zombie plague! But we gotta get Dormammu through first!"

"UGH!" Dormammu, with a grunt of effort, snapped the chains around his waist. The broken links fell to the side as he flexed his hands. "AND NOW, YOU MISERABLE..."

The chains snapped back into the air. The links shot in front of Dormammu, and the broken metals reforged itself, forming the complete chain again. This time, though, Dormammu caught the chain as it tried to wrap itself around him, catching it at chest level. His massive arms flexed as he strained to free himself.

"We have this! Come on, just keeping pouring it on!" Ms. Marvel was double fisting, beams from both hands carving across Dormammu's wrist to try and break his grip on the silver chains. Everyone was working together. Iron Man and the Living Laser. Speed Demon and Joystick. Ares and Thor. The Wizard and the Human Torch. Whirlwind and Captain America. It was a hell of a sight. And they were winning. They were pushing Dormammu back, with the aid of the chains pulling on him.

"We're going to do this," I called out to Mr. Fantastic. "We're actually going to pull this off!"

"Don't get cocky, Herman! There are still things that can go wrong!"

"Damn it, let me be the optimist for once," I responded.

One hundred feet. Seventy five feet. Fifty feet. Forty feet. They were pushing and shoving, finding the reserves of strength that had enabled each and every one of them to put aside their differences and survive the zombie apocalypse, to make it through this week, and asking those reserves to give them one more push, one more jolt of energy, one last effort to close the damn book on this week and make Earth safe again.

Thirty feet. Twenty feet.

And Dormammu's hands flared crimson.

"ENOUGH!" His hands swept downwards, cutting through the silver chains like a hot knife through butter, and stomping on the hope in my heart at the very same instant. "THIS ENDS!" Dormammu's hands shot forward, and a spray of crimson energy engulfed everyone near him, fliers and ground pounders alike. I had to shield my eyes as the light burned into my retinas, the last thing I saw was Wonder Man and Thor plunging through the ground.

"TOO LATE! TOO LATE, STEPHEN STRANGE," Dormammu bellowed. "TOO LATE, HERMAN SCHULTZ! TOO LATE, EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU!" His hands exploded as he shot crimson energy into the night sky. "ALREADY IT BEGINS! THIS WORLD, AND YOUR LIFE ENERGY, ARE..."

He shot from the sky in a blaze of yellow. One moment, the air was clear as the fliers impacted the ground from Dormammu's attack. The next, a flash of energy streaked towards Dormammu's chest, and the sound of the impact hit us before the sound of the figure breaking the sound barrier reached our ears from behind. Dormammu didn't just stagger. He was blown damn near off his feet as he got slammed just below the navel, doubling over even as he was lifted off his feet. As Dormammu flew backwards, the silver chains shot out from the portal, and snagged him around the waist a final time. "NO!" Those were Dormammu's last words on this planet as he was pulled through the silver portal. "THIS CAN NOT BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Like he was falling into a pool, the portal rippled violently as Dormammu hit back first. Doubled over like a jackknife, he disappeared into the portal, his screams of rage and frustration echoing across the Great Lawn.

Floating in mid-air, arms crossed over his chest, Thor's response was simple and direct. "It is done."

X

"Herman," Mr. Fantastic cried, "he's through! Throw the book!"

"On it!"

I was already charging towards the portal, the book tucked under my arm, when I heard two sounds. The first was the sound of a magnetic beam firing. The second was the sound of another magnetic beam firing, and the hot jackhammer slamming into the small of my back. I was propelled forward, the Darkhold popping out of my hands with what sounded like a relieved sigh and landing a few feet in front of me as the wind got knocked out of me, thanks to hitting the ground.

Groaning, I reached forward, trying to get my hands back on the Darkhold, when a red metal boot stepped down on my hand. I cried out softly in agony as the owner of the boot spoke.

"Thank you for all your assistance, Herman," Norman Osborn said as he bent down and picked the Darkhold off the ground. "I'll take it from here."

X

"Osborn," I croaked, trying to pull my hand free from under his boot, "what are you doing?"

"Making my name, Herman," he replied simply. His suit's helmet was pulled back, his face exposed to the world. "The cameras will see me throwing this book into the portal, and when it closes, that will signal the end of the zombie plague. All the people watching will see that I was the one who sealed humanity's final victory. And with public opinion on my side, who knows how much power the willing masses will allow me to reign over them?"

"You can't..."

"Oh, I can. Watch me," he proclaimed as he strode away, towards the portal.

I slowly managed to stand up. "You can't! Osborn," I called after him, "I have to be the one to throw that book through! It has to be me!"

"Please, Herman," he called over his shoulder. "Haven't you had enough of stealing the spotlight?"

Behind me, Mr. Fantastic was face down, unmoving on the ground. No one had noticed Osborn hitting me and him in the back because they were all watching the portal as it still swirled and shimmered. All eyes were on the portal, including Osborn's, as I tried to run after him. "Osborn, listen to me! Listen! Doctor Strange said I have to throw that book away! If I'm not the one who does it, that book will just find its way back to me, and Dormammu will lock onto the book and find his way back here! And this will all probably start again!

"And that just means, Herman, that I will have a chance to more definitively defeat the zombie plague, instead of having to scramble and dance to your tune time and time again. Now, leave me be, Herman..."

My blast hit him square in the back of his suit. He staggered forward a few steps, almost dropping to one knee. I kept walking, closing the distance between us. "Osborn, give me the damn book. I'm not going to let your ego damn this world when we're so close to saving it."

The look on his face said it all. Annoyance. "And I'm not going to let a fifth-tier criminal like you interfere with my plans anymore! Walk away now, before I..."

"...try to kill me? You did that already, and it didn't catch." I stopped five feet away, the silver portal shimmering in the distance. One glove pointed at Osborn's face, point-blank range. A level four would shred that glare off his face in a heartbeat. A level eight would shatter his skull. "Give me the book, Osborn. Or else..."

"...or else what, Herman?" He straightened up, staring at me with naked contempt. "You're going to kill me. You're not a killer. Never have been, and you will never have the courage to be. Even if it means saving the world. Now, if you don't mind, I have a date with destiny."

He turned his back on me. And I blasted him again. Level four this time, square in his back. That almost knocked him down. The second blast did. "I won't kill you, Osborn, but damned if you don't think I won't beat you around like a red-headed stepchild." Now, give me the..."

A line of webbing shot from the side suddenly wrapped itself around my wrist. The glove I was aiming at Osborn was yanked away, spinning me around as more webbing shot out. My vibro-smasher was covered in webbing, pinning my fingers in place. My other arm came up, trying to get in a blast at Osborn, but a strong hand grabbed my wrist. The thumb being driven into the pressure point on my wrist bone caused me to cry out, distracting me enough for whoever was grabbing me to put my arm in a hammerlock.

"Damn it, Herman," the voice of Mac Gargan hissed beside me. "You just love getting yourself into stupid situations lately, don't you?"

Osborn didn't even brush the dirt off his power armor as he stood back up. "Bullseye, Venom, make sure the Shocker doesn't interfere. I have to go save the world."

"On it, boss." Bullseye's finger kept digging into my wrist, making me sag in the grip of the two villains, as Venom tore the air compressor from my back with his free hand. "Seriously, Schultz," Bullseye proclaimed, "you just keep looking for new ways to die, don't you?"

Osborn was walking away, towards the portal, as I strained and pulled at the two men holding me in place. "Osborn! Damn it, Osborn! Don't do this!"

It had taken the sounds of combat and my screaming to grab everyone's attention away from the silver portal that Dormammu had been knocked through. They all turned to see the red-and-blue power armor of Norman Osborn striding towards the portal. In one hand, the Darkhold rest comfortably, not trying to jar itself loose or escape. It knew what was going to happen, and went along for the ride willingly. Everyone else slowly turned to see what was happening. What they saw was me struggling with Bullseye and Venom, screaming at Osborn, and the Darkhold in his hands.

"Osborn." Captain America was now walking alongside him. "What's going on?"

"Apparently, the Shocker decided he wanted the moment of glory. When Dr. Richards offered to throw this book of magic away and seal the portal once and for all, the Shocker blasted him in the back and said no one else was going to do it but him. I think having the spotlight this past week has caused him to become deluded." It all came out so smoothly, with perfect inflection, no trace of the lie evident. "I happened to come across the Shocker in the nick of time, and if you'll excuse me, Captain, I'm going to end this threat to our planet once and for all."

"That...that doesn't sound like the Herman Schultz I've met, Osborn." Captain America looked over his shoulder, towards where I was straining.

"Doctor Strange said I had to do it, Captain! Believe me! If I don't, Dormammu's just going to come waltzing back at full power, and then we're all screwed!"

"Osborn," Captain America said as he stared at me, "we should talk this over..."

"And let this portal remain open any longer? No, Captain, this threat ends..." Osborn's stride suddenly came to a halt. In front of him, ten feet from the portal, massive arms crossed, two gods stood side-by-side. Ares simply stared at the smaller form of Osborn, while next to him, Thor was the one who spoke, his voice the distant sound of thunder.

"Osborn," Thor said. "We should perhaps listen to Herman Schultz. If he's been in contact with Doctor Strange, it is his advice we should be abiding by."

"Really?" Osborn's voice was calm and clear as he answered Thor. "You're going to take the word of a common criminal who said he talked to a magician over mine?" Thor's response was a simple nod, one motion, firm and resolute. "I see. So, on one side, a criminal who's defied every government order that's been mandated, and on the other side, the man who has run the government for the past week and done his part to keep humanity safe."

"I see a man who has risked his life on the front lines." That was Ares, who's blue eyes glowed from under his helmet down at Osborn. "When I see Herman Schultz, I see a soldier who has done his best to ensure no man was left behind. When I see Norman Osborn, I see a man who has stood above the battlefield, moving units and setting up logistics."

Osborn turned to look at Ares. "Ares, you are the God of War. Surely, you know that one should listen to the general over the private."

"I am the God of War. The generals and the admirals? They belong to my sister, Athena. The line soldiers, the rank and file? They belong to me. And I will listen to one who has seen combat as opposed to one who has been above the fray." It was one step forward, and now Ares was towering over an unflinching Osborn. "Give the book to Herman Schultz, Osborn. Doctor Strange's missives aside, Schultz has earned the right to end this conflict and let the dead rest in peace once again."

They were slowly gathering around Osborn now, a circle of heroes and villains. They all stared silently at Osborn, the stares of men and women such as Ms. Marvel, Mysterio, the Sentry, Doctor Octopus, saying more than any spoken word. Bullseye and Venom's grip on my arms never lessened, leaving me on the outside of the circle as Osborn slowly turned in place. "So, it's come down to this. Again. Each and every one of you would take the word of a common criminal who's never amounted to anything in his life over mine. It may have been the actions of Herman Schultz who brought you all together, but if it wasn't for my leadership and my tactics, none of..."

"...the citizens who you demanded be moved into central areas would have been put into harm's way," Iron Man's voice rang out. "You don't seem to understand, Osborn. Moving everyone into one place concentrated the zombies in one place as well. We got lucky here in New York City because all the heroes were here. They got lucky in Denver because the villains you ordered arrested made a stand there. They didn't get lucky in Boston. In Chicago. In Houston. I'm more willing to take the word of Herman Schultz over yours at the moment, Osborn, because his actions have saved lives. Yours haven't."

"Oh? And we should have listened to the generals who said, because we haven't touched upon our nuclear resources, we should drop bombs on the major cities?" Osborn shook his head in disgust. "I've done my best, and I will be the one to end this. Not a two-bit hack like Herman Schultz."

Nothing like watching a villain slowly breakdown and reveal how screwed up he was. But we didn't have time for the big monologue. "Hey, Bullseye," I called out. "Your bones are laced with metal, right?"

"Adamantium," the assassin replied with a grin. "With just a bit of vibranium for good measure."

"Right. You know why it's called vibranium, right?"

My thumbs jammed down on the triggers of my vibro-smashers. The blast that smacked into Bullseye resonated through his skin, past his muscles, and all along the metal that ran along his bones and spine. It was like Bullseye had been smacked with a giant gong, and I could make out his body vibrating slightly as he fell backwards, cursing in agony through gritted teeth as hell's bells rang in his head.

On the other side, Venom's webbing has caught my thumb against the trigger when he had shot me. The blast tore through the webbing like it was paper. When it hit Venom, the vibrating air rippled along his black skin. The symbiote that covered his body shrieked in pain, pulling back slightly and revealing the muscular skin of Gargan underneath. He staggered away, screaming in pain.

The second my arms were loose, I was off and running.

"Well, I'm the one who set this whole thing in motion, and..." Osborn was in mid-rant as I passed between Black Mamba and the Thing, charging at Osborn in the center of the circle. I didn't even think to blast Osborn. I simply ran at him, leaping through the air to tackle the bastard...

...and slamming into his power armor shoulder first.

I bounced off of him, grimacing as pain raced through my shoulder. Damn it.

Osborn turned to look at me. One eyebrow raised into the air as he realized who had hit him. "You. You won't deny me, Herman. This triumph is mine, and mine alone!" He suddenly darted forward, passing between Ares and Thor, who just barely managed to miss grabbing him. "This plague ends now," he screamed, a high-pitch cry of triumph as he pulled his arm back to dramatically hurl the Darkhold through the silver portal...

This time, I didn't go for Osborn. My hands reached out for the Darkhold clutched in his grip. An intense, stabbing warmth shot through my blood as I closed my fingers on the book, and its harsh whispers, demanding I release it, let it go, let it be free. Not today, baby. Not today.

"Ugh! Let go of the book, you cretin!" Osborn's power-armor assisted punch should have broke my jaw. It definitely knocked a tooth loose, the damn thing barely staying in its socket as he pulled at the Darkhold. I had both hands on the binding, closing it shut, refusing to let go.

"Osborn, you idiot, this is what I'm supposed to! I have to do this!"

We stood in place, just feet from the portal. Osborn punched me with his free hand, but there was no way I could let go. I just couldn't. I wouldn't. Everything about this past week. The civilians in the 7-11. The kids in the apartment building. Electro. Vulture. The Punisher. The Grim Reaper. Dormammu. Fred. Aleksei. It was simple. I wasn't going to lose.

Out of the corner of my eye, the Avengers were moving towards the fray. With their help, Osborn could easily be defeated...and the Darkhold could pop loose in the confusion, bouncing into the portal, and then who knows what the hell could happen.

I didn't know much about the laws of magic. All I knew was I had to make sure the Darkhold went through the portal. It had to be me. No one else. Ok, fine. I worked pretty damn well when the rules and situation are a bit fuzzy.

I wrapped one arm around the Darkhold, pulling myself closer to Osborn, who also refused to let go. My other hand pointed down at the ground. My thumb went to the trigger of my vibro-smasher.

_Hey, Darkhold. Get off my planet!_

At such a short range, I probably shouldn't have used a level five. But I had to be sure. I had to make absolutely short this was going to work.

The large blast smacked into the ground. The Avengers were knocked backwards, falling to the ground as the pressure wave washed over them. And the same pressure wave knocked me and Norman Osborn off our feet, into the air...

...and through the portal right behind us.

X

One moment, I was in Central Park at night.

The next moment, I was in Times Square at noon.

It happened instantly, the grass under my feet becoming the asphalt my back cracked against as I landed. My mind was trying to deal with the sudden shift of time and location, as the sun shone down upon me and One Times Square towered over me.

Groaning, I sat up, holding the back of my head. Ok. I was still in New York. That was a good sign, right? Then I noticed something extremely out of the ordinary.

The electronic billboards and news ticker, the world famous trademarks of One Times Square, were dark.

Slowly, I pushed myself up to my feet, taking in the scene around me. It definitely was Times Square, the New Yorker in me confirming it. But instead of being lit up like a Christmas tree, even in the middle of the day, instead everything was trashed. The print billboards flapped lightly in the breeze as they had begun to peel away from their backing. All of the electronic billboards were dark, and several of them were broken as well. Cars were scattered across the intersection. Some of them were parked in neat rows, waiting at the traffic lights, but several had crashed through the front windows of the shops and restaurants lining the street, and a few had been overturned onto their roofs. It looked like a war had been fought here in Times Square. But, from where I was standing, nothing was on fire. Nothing smoldered. And the air was silent and still, no sounds of gunfire or emergency services reaching my ears.

And, maybe most important, I couldn't hear any moaning or groaning.

I was coming to grips with all the abandoned ambiance in when I remembered. "Crap. The Darkhold!" I immediately looked around, my eyes scanning the ground near me. Aside from the overturned car that was a few feet away from me, I didn't see the book of magic anywhere. Whether or not that was a good thing, I didn't know.

Ok, Herman. First things first, and that thing is finding out where the hell you are. Or when. Did you just get tossed out of Central Park into Times Square? Or did you someone get tossed into another freaking' dimension. Carefully, I crossed Times Square towards an abandoned newspaper kiosk. The newspapers were the same: New York Times, New York Post, Financial Times, USA Today. The headlines on each were the standard run-of-the-mill fluff that had dominated the papers in the days before the zombie uprising. No huge font headlines proclaiming "THE DEAD WALK," or any other notice of impending doom. No notices of the government moving individuals into the cities, and no guidelines of proper corpse disposal. Which means, whatever happened here, had happened fast. Plague? Virus?

That would be just my luck, wouldn't it. "Congratulations, Herman," I muttered under my breath. "You saved the world by helping banish Dormammu and the Darkhold from Earth. And as your reward...well, have you ever seen 'The Stand?'"

The old instinct of not shouting 'hello' at the top of my lungs bubbled up to the surface. Forget the stand, I might have ended up in the middle of 'I Am Legend' or 'The Omega Man.' And yeah, I know it was daytime, but my analogy still stands. Ok, ok, Herman, what you need to do first is find someone else. With the communicator in my mask still broken, I needed a cell phone. Or, even better, the radio from that NYPD cop car over there.

I was walking towards the cop car when the overturned car next to me exploded, flinging me sideways as a ball of fire rose into the clear sky. I landed on my shoulder and rolled through, the broken asphalt biting into my back before I managed to end up on my knees. The car was engulfed in flames, the sounds of burning metal the only noise in Times Square.

Save for the low-pitched growl of rocket boots. He banked around the plume of smoke, the palms of his hands glowing a bright orange. I quickly leaped to my feet and turned to run. The magnetic beams carved gashes into the asphalt right after I began to sprint away. I didn't look behind me, my focus squarely on the broken window of the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company that was rapidly drawing closer. The rapid-fire sound of energy blasts slamming into the asphalt pushed me to move faster. The beams followed me all the way to the sidewalk outside the restaurant. I dove forward, throwing myself inside the restaurant as the energy beams destroyed the bottom portion of the window. I managed to pull myself behind a waitress' station, panting from the sudden exertion as I rested against the wooden podium. Throughout the restaurant, tables were overturned, chairs had been kicked over, and plates and silverware were scattered, as if whatever apocalypse had ripped through the city had hit during the dinner rush.

The sound of rocket boots in flight came through the window, and I heard an angry voice call out. "You, Herman Schultz! You will receive the full brunt of my anger for ruining all my plans!"

"Well," I called out, "if you had just let me throw..."

The top of the waitress' station exploded, the magnetic beam shooting through the restaurant before cutting a hole in the kitchen door. I scampered away as the debris flew through the air, getting underneath a table as the voice screamed again.

"All my plans, all my schemes, ruined by a common thug, all so you could be loved by everyone! Well, guess what, Herman? There's no one else! I've scanned the city, and you and I are the only two human beings in New York!" Another magnetic beam tore through the ruined restaurant as Norman Osborn's voice gained more pitch. "You threw us through the portal onto a dead world, Herman, and with no witnesses, I fully intend on making this city your tomb!"

Yeah, blame me because your ass wouldn't...

The familiar hissing sound reached my ears. "Oh, crap," I exclaimed before I pushed up, flipping the table on its edge. The bar was right in front of me, and I managed to dive behind it, sending wine glasses and beer bottles flying before the heat seeking missile shredded the table, damn near removing it from existence

So, let's count the score. I'm apparently on another world that's experienced its own apocalypse, with no clue on how to get home. And I'm being hunted by Norman Osborn, who's wearing a suit of power armor, and with no one watching, is probably about five seconds away from going Green Goblin on my ass.

This day can't get any worse, I thought as I pulled my mask back over my face.

On the floor behind the bar, a glass laid shattered, and the matchbooks it had held were strewn across the floor. I pocketed one before, carefully, I crawled towards the end of the bar. The kitchen door swung slowly on its hinge, the edges of the hole Osborn had blasted it in still smoldering. Another hissing sound came from behind me. I dove forward, making it about halfway through the doorway into the kitchen before the missile blew up the bar. The bottles of alcohol caught fire, blue and orange flames engulfing the bar as I pulled myself into the kitchen. Over the sound of crackling flames, a rapid series soft thuds impacted the wall, probably from a chain gun built into Osborn's armor.

I kept low, pulling my way through the darkened kitchen, breaking down my current situation as I carefully stepped around a pile of pots and pans scattered on the tile floor. I couldn't run away and try to hide. Osborn could just scan the city and track me down again. So, the only option available to me was to fight. Now, I should be scared. I should be nervous, and deep down inside, I was. But I had beaten Electro. I had beaten the Vulture. I had beaten the Rhino. I had helped defeat Dormammu. Sure, Norman Osborn, either as the Green Goblin or in this Iron Patriot get-up, was the kind of villain bad guys talked about over bottles of beer, the guy we'd work for while constantly wondering when the hell he was going to snap. But I had beaten a human dynamo and a walking tank.

Norman Osborn was just a man in a suit of power armor.

The gunfire had faded away, but in its place came the sound of metal boots trouncing across the floor of the Bubba Gump Shrimp company. "Herman," Osborn's voice called out, "you know you can't hide, and you can't run. If you just step out and face me like a man, I'll end it quick."

Yeah, right. I glanced over at the stoves lining one wall of the kitchen. The pilot lights were all out. I darted across the floor, giving a damn about noise right now. Large pots and several pans, caked with burned food, were scattered on the burners. Once I hit the stove, I turned all the burners on, full blast. No flames ignited, but the faint hissing noise of natural gas was music to my ears. The ovens were next. I threw open the doors and turned them on. Without electricity, I couldn't figure out if the gas lines were feeding into the ovens, but maybe I'd get lucky. But I need time for the kitchen to fill up, for the air to get saturated with gas.

"Don't hide, Herman," I heard Osborn taunt as I made my move, thumbs holding my triggers down half-way "Just imagine what everyone..."

I kicked the kitchen door open. Osborn's head whipped around as I let out twin level five blasts. The blast wave whipped the flames of the burning bar and shredded whatever bits of fake wood remained standing, ripping the nautical-themed flare off the walls in the process. I didn't know if I caught Osborn or not, because as the door swung shut, I was diving to the side. The chain gun's bullets almost tore the door from its hinges, turning it into sawdust and splinters falling towards the ground. The line of bullets moved across the wall. I covered my head, flat on my stomach, as the large caliber rounds passed over me and embedded themselves in the back wall.

When only the sound of the chain gun cooling down could be heard, I was immediately back on my feet. The twins level threes blew a hole through the bullet-weakened wall, and I blindly fired two level fives in a wide spread before spinning around and diving over the island counter. As I dove, the wall behind me was vaporized as Osborn's gun poured round after round into where it thought I would be cowering. As I slammed into the tile floor, scattering the pots and pans as they bit into my stomach, I could detect the faint small of gas. Just a little more time, I decided. I rolled onto my back, gloves aimed at the doorway, and sent two level fours out into the restaurant, tearing the doorway out of the damn foundation. The response from Osborn was more bullets ripping above my head as I rolled over and belly crawled towards the back of the kitchen.

By the time I reached the large walk-in coolers, the gunfire had stopped, leaving only the actual fire still blazing where the bar had once stood. The smell of gas was prevalent now, even back here. To one side, sunlight came through the emergency door, which had been ripped off its hinges, leading to the alley behind the restaurant. And on a related note, one of the doors to what had once been a walk-in freezer was lying in a crumpled heap on the floor, blocking the way back to the manager's office.

Metal footsteps came towards the kitchen. I ducked into the small hallway leading towards the alley, fingers fumbling for the matchbook. "I outgun you, Herman. I'm smarter than you. I'm faster than you. I've already thought of ten ways to flay your alive while your still breathing carcass is hanging from the Brooklyn Bridge. What do you have that could possibly beat me?"

Deep breath. The match flared to life from the carbon strip, and as soon as the flame caught, I hurled it into the kitchen, bracing for the explosion as the burning match arced through the air...

A short burst from the chain gun, and the match disintegrated in mid-air, snuffing the flames. "Seriously, Herman? You were going to fill the kitchen with gas and blow me up? That was your grand plan? This is low, even for a common criminal like you. A mastermind like myself will never fall for such a simple trick."

"Yeah," I called out. "One match wouldn't catch a genius like you, Norman." The next match ignited all of the matches in the book, the air filling with sulfur as I aimed low. "So let's see how you handle a whole bunch!" This time, I aimed low, and the burning matchbook slid under one of the island counters. As the shoulder-mounted chain gun tracked the matchbook, my other hand took aim at the section of gas line visible between the soup tray and the oven. The gun was tracking back in my direction as the the blast ripped a hole in the gas line. I could feel the bullets whip past my ear as I ducked back into the hallway, scampering towards the open door leading to the alley...

The sound of metal being torn from the floor reached my ears just before the kitchen exploded. The hallway turned oranges as intense heat raced up my back, and a strong hand propelled me forward. The narrow hallway funneled the explosion like water through a high-pressure hose, shooting out through the door. I smacked into the opposite wall, just managing to brace myself with my hands. Secondary explosions were evident as I turned back to the doorway. The hall was engulfed in flames, spreading from floor to ceiling. There wasn't any doubt that Osborn was caught in the explosion. But did I do anything more than scratch the pain job?

The wall of the restaurant exploded as magnetic beams shot out from the kitchen. Answers THAT question.

I couldn't make it to either end of the alleyway without giving Osborn a clean shot at me. So, I did the unexpected. As Osborn's red-and-blue form, the paint job still perfect, crawled out of the burning rubble, I was charging him, hands forward. He turned to face me just as I hit him with two level fives at point blank-range. The first one tore the chain gun off his shoulder, while the second went off as I punched him in the chest, right on the white star emblazoned on his torso. My suit managed to absorb most of the backblast, and the heat from the kitchen was a pleasant warmth that couldn't compare to the warm feeling in my heart as Osborn went flying backwards, caught off-guard from my kamikaze attack. Keep it up, Herman. Even before he landed, I was letting off another level five, almost juggling him as he bounced off a nearby wall.

"Herman, each attack," he hissed through his metal mask, "each assault you lay upon me, is..."

"Just shut up," I told him as another level five sent him onto the sidewalk just outside the restaurant we had just ruined. My gauntlet was flashing a warning about power consumption, and I lifted my other one, keeping it pointed at Osborn as he climbed back to his feet, using the cop car for leverage. The center of his suit was crumpled from where I had punched him. "I'm not interested in your taunts, in your boasts, in your threats. You want to kill me? Well, Osborn, I owe you a whole bunch of hurt. Not for trying to kill me. But for killing Aleksei. I told you we were going to have a little talk about what you did to my best friend."

"Oh? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you angry, Herman. Here. How about I give you a car to make it up to you!" The hand on the cop car clenched, crushing the metal panels on the door and giving him a damn good grip. With one arm, he lifted the car into the air, holding it overhead for a moment before swinging it at me. I dove to one side, slamming into the side of a pickup truck as Osborn drove the cop car into the sidewalk grill-first. Before I could fire off a blast, Osborn swung around, cocking the cop car over his shoulder to hurl it at me. I ducked down and slid underneath the pick up truck as Osborn drove the car into its side, pushing it sideways as I managed to slither out the other side.

"Don't like the car, Herman? How about I offer you a pick up truck too!" The pick up truck left the ground, held by the front bumper in Osborn's other hand. On my knees, I leaned backwards, dropping to the ground as he slammed the two vehicles together. The roof of the cop car and the passenger side door of the truck merged together just a foot above my face, and a loud squeal greeted me as Osborn pulled them back apart, expecting to see Herman Schultz as a fine jelly between two metal pieces of bread. Instead, he got a face full of level five, rocking his head backwards and causing him to drop the vehicles. I was on my feet, firing off another blast, when he fired a magnetic beam in my general direction. It caught the edge of my shoulder, a jackhammer blow that ripped away a large chunk of my suit.

As one hand gripped at my shoulder, I heard the familiar hissing sound. My other hand came up, firing a level two at a wide spread that caught the two missiles that Osborn had fired towards me. They exploded in mid-air, giving me time to dive away. I managed to squeeze under a Hummer that had been stuck at the stoplight, blocking Osborn's line of sight to me and giving me time to consider my options.

"I can just build a machine and go home, Herman." Through the windows of the Hummer, I could see Osborn turning in place, scanning the wreckage of Times Square. The eyes of his power armor glowed blue, probably using some kind of radar or low-powered laser to search for me. "I can fly to the Baxter Building and break into Mr. Fantastic's laboratory. I'm sure he has some sort of dimensional teleporter that will see me safely home. I could leave you here, Herman, stranded and alone for the rest of your life. I wonder just how long it would take before despair set in and you slit your wrists, or overdosed on sleeping pills?"

No. Osborn wouldn't do that. Most villains always go the "there's no way he could have survived that" route and leave the superhero behind. And we all know, the superhero is never dead. Osborn's too smart for that. He'll kill me dead before leaving this world.

His gaze turned my way. I ducked behind the large tire of the Hummer, pulling my entire body behind the wheel. I could try running for another restaurant or shop, but blowing up the last one had barely scratched the Iron Patriot's paint job. It had taken a level five assisted punch to put a dent in him, and another level five to knock off his suit's chain gun...

...wait. My punches could barely scuff up Aleksei's suit of armor. Level fives were something the Rhino could have just shrugged off. This was power armor Norman freaking' Osborn had built. And you're telling me I could rough it up more than I could have roughed by Aleksei's suit? Either Osborn had a serious design flaw in his armor...or he just never took a guy like me into consideration when he designed and built that suit.

Sometimes, being underrated's underrated.

I was out of batteries, and I needed to make sure I had enough firepower. Every single bit of vibrating air I could force out of my gauntlets had to blow a hole in Osborn's armor. Which meant I had to get close. And really, I only had one shot to drop him. In melee range, he'd swat me around and probably snap my neck. I had to hit him on that star again, the same place I decked him last time, like cracking a coconut to get to the soft, easily explodable fruit underneath.

I stood up, stepping to my right, my vibro-smashers pressed flush against the metal sides of the black Hummer. My thumbs were held down, ready to instantly unleashed two simultaneous blasts. I watched, through the open windows, as Osborn kept turning in place. "I'll tell you what, Herman. If you show yourself now, I'll even let everyone back home, all the people who apparently loved so much to risk your life for, that you had some sort of inspirational and pithy set of last words before you shoved me back through the portal and saved my life."

"Ok!" His head was whipping around as I called out. "Here's my last words. Catch!"

The Hummer flew sideways, tumbling end-over-end as I fired point blank level fives into its side. As it sailed through the air as Osborn, I was already running right behind it. If Osborn fired his magnetic beams at it, the Hummer would reverse course, coming right back at me and probably ripping my head off. Hell, I was a dead man anyway. It was worth the risk.

The Hummer stopped in mid-air, about five feet off the ground. I was right up on it as the large vehicle slowly lifted into the air, the servos in the arm of Osborn's power armor easily hold it above his head. Maybe he was about to say something sarcastic, some kind of taunt, but I didn't give him that chance. The second I had clearance, I sprinted forward, my fist cocked back, thumb on the trigger. Feet planted. Arm coming forward. Speed traded for accuracy. The Hummer was still being lifted as my fist slammed into the white star, the level five-blast firing at the same time.

The recoil blew my wrist backwards, snapping my arm like a wet towel. Osborn staggered backwards, the Hummer slipping from his grip. I was moving forward, my other hand already going for a quick level five jab right on his star. The Hummer crashed to the ground behind us as I landed another punch, sending him further backwards. The third punch didn't get a chance to land, however, as Osborn shoved me forward. My back slammed into the Hummer, stunning me for a second. A shower of bright blue sparks was coming from the crumpled chest of the Iron Patriot, falling to the ground in streams of shooting stars. No comment from Osborn, however, as he threw a punch, aimed right at my head. He telegraphed it, giving me plenty of time to move as his fist went into the crumpled roof of the Hummer. As he tried to yank it free, a quick level-five-left and a level-five-right, thrown from point blank range, caused more sparks to erupt from that star. Just like I had figured. The bright blue circle on Iron Man's armor was his power source, and the same held true for the Iron Patriot's suit. His hand pulled itself free, but I had dove forward, crawling under Osborn's legs to get free. The sparks felt warm on my suit's back as I leaped back to my feet, spinning around and waiting just a second for Osborn to turn around as well. Immediately, one more level-five, driving it with every single bit of force and leverage I could muster into the heart of the star.

This time, it wasn't a shower of sparks. It was a supernova. Osborn's chestplate exploded with an intense blue heat. The blast wave threatened to throw me backwards, but my hand was caught in Osborn's power source. The strain on my wrist was enormous, feeling like the whole thing was going to get ripped away from the rest of my arm. Everything around me was brightness as I pulled back my other hand. I may or may not have been screaming as I brought it forward, and the level five fired off right as it joined my other hand, directly frying whatever power source Osborn was using to power his armor.

That explosion? That one threw me backwards. The explosion damn near annihilated the power source, freeing both of my hands and leaving me perfectly capable of getting tossed across Times Square. I bounced off of the sidewalk, managing to land on my back. It sounded like a million reams of paper being ripped apart at once as I lifted my eyes. Streams of blue energy shot from Osborn's chest as he stood against the Hummer, shooting into the air and disappearing like ectoplasm.. It was already beginning to die down as I got to my feet, the light fading away under the noon sun. Osborn's head was bowed, a huge hole torn into the middle of his power armor, exposing his burned skin underneath. I could hear his panting coming through his speakers, an electric breathing that didn't stop me in the least as I ran across Times Square. He must have heard me coming, because he raised his head, exposing the front of his helmet to me right as I drove my fist into it. No blasts, because I was dry. Just a good old fashion right hand, my vibro-smasher leading the way.

"I told you were going to have a talk, Osborn," I panted as the adrenaline wore off and my exertions caught up with me. "I told you. I...screw it. I got nothing witty to say. How about I just say I whipped your ass, and we'll leave it at that?"

Sparks dropped from the hole in his chest as his helmet slid back in sections. A thin trickle of blood ran from Osborn's noise, and crimson stained his lips. "How..." he muttered. "How did you hurt me? This suit was built to stand up to no less than Thor himself. I walked through fire with it..."

I pulled my mask over my face, letting Osborn see the tired look of victory I was wearing. "You built that thing to deal with guys like Thor, like the Hulk, like Iron Man. And I'm sure, in a fight, you'd give them a run for their money. But..." I raised my vibro-smasher into the air, inches from his face. "...you never, ever counted on having to fight me. Even in your most far-fetched scenarios, you didn't think you'd ever cross paths with me. And normally, we wouldn't have, Osborn. Fate shoved us together, though...and you just never planned on dealing with me."

"Huh. It appears being underestimated is one of your superpowers, Schultz." He looked down at the sparking power source. "You destroyed the arc reactor, Herman, and the backup power source. Right now, I'm wearing fifty pounds of lightweight armor. Without an electrical current, I might as well be wearing tissue paper. Congratulations. You've won."

"Oh, you think this is over?" I grabbed his chin, and held his head in place as I spoke to him. "This isn't over. You tried to kill me, Osborn," I hissed. "You had Petruski poison me and left me to die on the streets. You killed my best friend right in front of me. You almost sacrificed the entire world for a damn photo-op. And you said you had plans, schemes, grand designs for when this was all said and done. Give me one good reason..."

"...to let me live?" Even beaten up, Osborn's grin gave me pause. I stepped back, and he held his head high as he spoke to me. "You won't kill me, Herman. You're not a killer. You never have been, and you never will be. Oh, sure, you may be thinking of vigilante justice right now, but you won't find the courage for it. You always went for the payoffs, the bribes, hitting banks at the right time when guards were looking the other way and the tellers just handed over the cash. You worked so hard to maintain your reputation, and all I did was kill innocent civilians. And they were about to hand me control of SHIELD. Face it, Herman. It's because I can kill people, because I can end lives, that I will always be better and more respected then you."

The anger, the frustration, the truth of that statement...never showed up. It never crossed my mind. "Yeah...well, I have my self-respect. And since we're the last two people on this planet, I can live with it. Goodbye...Norman."

His eyes widened with surprise as I turned away from him. "Wait...that's it? That's the talk you wanted to have with me?"

"There's nothing more to say, is there?" I passed the overturned cop car, my feet crunching on the broken asphalt. "I won. You lost. I beat you..." I paused, a thought entering my head. "Yeah, Norman. I beat you. Just like I've beaten Spider-Man, I beat you. That's all the vindication I need, to know you're going to stew about being beaten by a two-bit blue collar criminal who took that pretty suit of power armor and turned it into a paperweight. That's victory, Norman. And it feels pretty damn good."

"No...no! Don't you walk away from me!" Osborn struggled to pull himself away from the Hummer as I kept walking. "Scum like you doesn't walk away from Norman Osborn! You think you won now, but if you don't come back here and kill me, Herman, I will find you, and I..."

"...will just lose to me. Again," I said, a smirk on my face that he couldn't see.

"Damn you, Herman! I promise, right now..."

I heard a familiar zipping sound, and then a voice both of us knew very well ringed out across Times Square.

"Osborn? I thought we had killed you already!"

"YOU! Get away from me, you damAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

My head whipped around as Osborn's scream tore through the air. He had been pinned back against the Hummer by a figure in a red-and-blue uniform. Osborn's arms were flailing as he cried out in agony, a banshee's screech that tore into my ears.

"HELP ME!" One arm reached out towards where I stood in shock. "HELP ME...HELP MEEEEEEE..."

I heard a combination of sound, of snapping, tearing, and ripping. The windows of the Hummer became covered with a spray of red blood, pulsing from the shoulder of Norman Osborn where his left arm had once been attached. His eyes wide with shock, Osborn slid down the side of the vehicle. His right arm swayed in mid-air, still reaching for me. The other figure was peeling Osborn's arm like a grape, and once a chunk of red metal hit the ground, I heard a loud slurping noise, mixed with a sigh of contentment.

I knew what was happening. I knew it exactly. But as my brain tried to work past the shock, another figure came into view, this one a leggy blonde in a skintight black uniform.

"Hey! Save some for me! Don't bogart all the meat!" Osborn gave off a final cry as the figure shoved her hands into the hole in his chestplate, pulling back large chunks of burned flesh. "Mmm...blackened. Just how I like it," she cried as she shoved the meat into her mouth.

"Oh, God," I whispered, taking a step backwards. Of course, as I did so, I somehow found the one can of Pepsi that someone had left in the middle of Times Square to knock over. Even over the sounds of chewing, the soft clink of the rolling can was like a gunshot.

Immediately, their heads whipped around. Blood dripped from their mouths, and even as they stared at me, they continued to chew on Osborn's flesh. Ms. Marvel's face was sunken, the edges of her mouth covered in crimson, and her teeth stained darkly. She simply stared at me, her eyes roaming my body in a very uncomfortable way, as the other person spoke.

"Shocker!" Spider-Man, his mask torn to pieces, and half the flesh on his jaw missing, grinned evilly, bits of meat falling from his mouth. "Now, I know we killed you! I remember you screaming like a little girl when we ripped your head off. But hey, if I'm wrong, that just means we get to eat you again!"

"Back off, wall-crawler!" A large shadow suddenly loomed over me. I spun around, my gloves empty, to see Giant-Man towering over Times Square, about as tall as Dormammu had been back in Central Park. "You and Blondie can have Osborn! The Shocker's ours!"

"Get him, boys!" At Giant-Man's feet, Wolverine, his skin torn apart, pointed his metal claws at me. "Whoever brings him down gets double rations!"

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me," I muttered.

Captain America was missing the top half of his head as he ran at me, black brain fluid spilling over the sides of his skull.

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me!"

Thor didn't even have Mjolnir, just a lead pipe with a rock on the end as he charged.

"OH, YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!"

I aimed my gloves at the charging Captain America, hoping to get at least one good shot off, when a strong hand dug into the back of my neck, and I felt myself being yanked backwards. "No," I screamed as the world flashed bright around me. "NO!"

X

A strong hand smacked me across the face.

"Herman! For the love of God, man, stop bloody screaming! You're embarrassing yourself!"

The voice spoke in an Australian accent. Slowly, I opened one eye. The sky above me was black, with several plumes of smoke slowly dispersing and letting the moonlight shine through. And kneeling over me, Boomerang looked up at Doctor Strange.

"Did you have to slap him," Doctor Strange asked.

"Hey, mate, it stopped him from screaming."

"Where...oh, God, tell me I'm in Central Park, tell me Dormammu just got shoved through the portal, and tell me there's no more zombies," I cried out, grabbing Boomerang by the front of his costume. "Tell me it's over!"

"Damn. Interdimensional travel does NOT agree with you, Herman." Fred grabbed me by the wrist, and with Doctor Strange's help, got me back on my feet. "Yeah. It's over. Dormammu's gone. The corpses are corpses again. And you spent the last thirty seconds screaming like a little girl."

"Are you ok, Herman?" Doctor Strange was examining me, pulling my mask back from my face and studying my features. "Boomerang is right. Interdimensional travel is not for the faint of heart."

"Yeah," I responded, letting him do his examination. "I'm fine. I...where I was wasn't the happiest place on Earth."

"Understandable. And Norman Osborn? Was he there with you?"

After a second, I nodded. "Yeah. But...he's not coming back." At the look on Strange's and Fred's face, I wave my hand. "I'll explain later, Doctor. The...citizens of where we ended up got their hands on him...wait. The Darkhold. Where I was, Doctor, I didn't see the damn thing when I landed..."

"It is fine, Herman. It and Dormammu have found their way to different planes of existence. And, much like you had requested, we found our way home as well."

"Yeah," Fred added, "even Spider-Man. Why you wanted that prick brought back, I'll never know," he said with a grin. "I'm kidding." Another grin. "Maybe."

"Fred," I said, "I'm about to do something really, really dumb. Sorry in advance." With that, I wrapped my arms around him, pulling my friend into a tight hug. "I am so damn glad to see you," I said in a quiet voice.

For a second, he returned the strong embrace. Then Fred remember he was Boomerang. "Yeah, yeah. I still owe you for all the beer I drank," he joked as he let go of me. For a second, his face got somber. "Mate...about Aleksei..."

"Later," I told him, clapping him on the shoulder. "We'll talk about it later, ok?"

"Herman." A female voice called out. I turned from where Doctor Strange, Boomerang, and myself were standing. It was Ms. Marvel who had spoken. "Welcome back," she said to me. "We were wondering if we were ever going to see you again."

And next to her...he just had to crack wise. "Yeah. But I said not to worry," Spider-Man quipped. "You're like a bad penny. You just keep turning up."

"Do you know how many times I've said that about you?" I walked towards the wall-crawler of my own free will.

"A bunch, I imagine." When I got to where he and Ms. Marvel stood, I could hear him take a deep breath, before putting out his hand. "Welcome back, Herman. I'm glad to see you're ok and in one piece."

It took me a few seconds. The man I had hated most on this planet...no. That's past. That's all in the past. Brand new day. I extended my hand to take his. "Glad to see you back too, Spidey. And I mean that."

"I think I'm going to be sick," Fred said from behind us.

Now, Ms. Marvel put her hand out to me, and I easily took hers. "I'd give you that hug you wanted," she told me in a very quiet voice, "but there's a bit of a crowd here, and I don't want to embarrass you."

Indeed, they were all standing behind her. The Avengers. The Thunderbolts. The villains. The Fantastic Four. Nick Fury and several SHIELD soldiers, who were supervising transporting Electro into a police van. All of them (save the guys watching Electro) were staring at me. Most of them had smiles on their faces, or what passed for a smile in the case of Doctor Octopus.

"Everyone," Mysterio cried out. "Let's hear it for Herman! Hip hip..."

"No!" I pointed at the center of attention, cutting him off in mid-sentence. "Don't, Mysterio. Seriously."

He probably blinked in surprise under that fishbowl helmet of his. "Modesty? From the hero of the day?"

"No." I walked past Ms. Marvel, hands on my hips. "Right now, I'm tired. I'm beat up. I'm exhausted. And so it each and every person here," I said, scanning the entire crowd. "We did this. We all did this. Every single person here is why it's all over. Don't pin this all on me."

Boomerang raised an eyebrow to my side as I continued. "I'm never one to call attention to myself. Never have been, never will be. Everything I did this past week was because it was the right thing to do. And the same goes for everyone here. You all stepped up to the plate because it was the right thing to do. As far as I'm concerned, everyone here's the damn hero, and that includes anyone out there who picked up a baseball bat and bashed a zombie's head in to save a stranger. If you survived, if you fought, if you lived? You're a hero."

I should have had a big closer...but I really didn't. I just waved a hand at the crowd. "So...yeah. The party's over, and now it's time to clean up the mess. But first..."

"First, Schultz, you need to come with me." Colonel Fury walked right up to where I was standing, an fresh cigar unlit in his mouth. "We need to debrief you..."

"Screw your debrief, Colonel."

The cigar drooped slightly in his mouth. "Beg your pardon, Schultz?"

"Colonel, like I said. I'm tired. I'm sore. I'm exhausted. I just jury-rigged a whole bunch of magic spells. I got thrown through an interdimensional portal. I saw a world where I saw things no one needs to ever see. You want to talk to me at some point down the road, fine and dandy. But right now...I need a damn drink." I turned to look at Fred. "You think the Bar With No Name's still open, Fred?"

"Hell, mate," he replied with a huge grin, "if it ain't, we can bloody well open it ourselves."

"Schultz..." Fury growled, under a hand fell on his shoulder.

"Let him go, Colonel," Captain America told him. "The man deserves a drink. Let him have one. As long as you promise to get debriefed tomorrow, Herman."

I nodded, but Fury's eyes narrowed anyway. "You know, I technically outrank you, Captain." Captain America just shrugged. "Fine. Schultz, show up at SHIELD HQ the day after tomorrow, 0900. That'll give you enough time to sober the hell up. And bring me a bottle of damn whiskey."

Hey, when Nick Fury tells you to bring him alcohol, you bring him alcohol. "Let's go, Fred," I said, wrapping my arm around his shoulder so he could fly us both. "Let's get hammered."