AN: Sorry about the delay. Please review!

Disclaimer: Don't own any of the characters or anything even remotely related to the Harry Potter Franchise, except my own copies of the books and some merchandise.

Dirty Harry

Harry Potter was in a right predicament. On the one hand, he had his beautiful soon-to-be-ex wife's brother begging him to give her another chance, despite her assurances that she didn't want one. On the other, he had a hot-bodied and hot-tempered blonde who was nagging him to take their relationship to the next level; a step for which he didn't feel ready. In addition to that, he had a boatload of in-laws in addition to Ron who were either putting pressure on him to get back with Ginny, or yelling profanities at him for leaving her in the first place.

They just wouldn't believe that it'd been a mutual decision. Harry was in half a mind to move in with Draco simply to be away from Ginny, her family, and the situation. But alas, he didn't want to use his soon-to-be boyfriend.

'Boyfriend?' he said to himself in his mind. It sounded lame, even to his own ears. How would he ever tell the kids?

Speak of the devil and he shall appear. . . Draco arrived at Potter's Place with a parcel.

"Afternoon, Dray" Harry greeted with a tired smile.

"Before you throw me out, let me tell you: I come bearing gifts!" Draco grinned, holding up the parcel.

"Oh good, is it alcohol?" Harry asked, walking to the lounge.

"As a matter of a fact, it is" Draco said, making himself comfortable on a couch adjacent to the one Harry made to sit on.

"I was kidding! Gosh, I thought we weren't gonna drink"

"Come on, Harry, just because we have alcohol in our systems, it doesn't mean we have to shag" Draco pointed out.

". . ."

"Unless you can't keep your hands off me. . . But I know I have enough self-restraint" the blonde wizard said with a flirty wink, emphasizing the second 'I'.

"Fuck you, mon ami" Harry responded, tossing a pillow at Draco's face.

"See, I was right. You do need a drink" Draco poured two double-shots of Brandy in two goblets and handed his friend one. "To your good health, Harry" he toasted.

Harry took a sip of the foreign drink and let it swirl around his mouth for a moment before swallowing. "What is this?" he asked with interest.

"It's some Muggle shit that Lucien insisted I buy"

"Lucien's nine, Dray" Harry pointed out.

"He's nine, and an aristocrat. Keep that in mind. He has good taste, in everything" Draco said seriously. He leaned back into the chair, kicking off his shoes and crossing his legs in a pretzel-like fashion.

"Dear god. He doesn't drink it, does he?"

"Of course not, dumbass. He's only nine!"

"Well either way, it's good stuff. Gimme more" Harry whined, grinning. It felt good to drink again, especially with his favourite drinking partner.

"Of course I shall oblige my good friend" Draco said with mock formality.

About two hours later, Harry and Draco actually weren't drunk. They hadn't brought enough brandy for that. But they were chatting animatedly in the den when they heard the sound of keys jiggling and the front door opening.

A minute later, Teddy walked into the den and greeted his godfather and cousin (once removed).

"How was work?" Harry asked as Teddy sat down on one of the cushy, squashy armchairs.

"It was good, I played guitar in the park and I made quite a bit of cash" Teddy informed them with a grin.

"Don't you do that every day?" Draco asked.

"Yep" Teddy smiled proudly. "But I don't always go to the same park. I move around"

"Did you earn Muggle money again?" Harry asked with a snort. He'd dissociated himself from Muggles as much as he could over the years.

"I always earn my money in pounds, Harry" Teddy reminded him.

"Why do you love Muggles so much?" Harry asked.

"They're not that different from us, you know. They're a whole lot less lazy"

"Wha-?" Harry was about to argue incredulously when Draco interrupted.

"I have to agree, Teddy. I've been becoming increasingly fascinated with Muggle culture as of late"

Harry spun his head around to look at the Malfoy in shock. 'How things have changed' Draco thought with a wry smile.

"We should go bar-hopping in London some time!" Teddy suggested.

"We absolutely must!" Draco agreed enthusiastically.

"We can do the Monopoly Board Pub Crawl!" Teddy grinned.

Harry was still reeling from this new development.

"So where's Luey tonight?" Teddy asked, what with his short attention pan and all.

"With his gran" Draco replied with a lazy smile. He loved these chats with Harry and Teddy, even though Harry was rather uninvolved this evening.

"Ah, I must go visit my gran" Teddy said nostalgically.

"When you do, say hello to my Aunt Andromeda for me"

"I will. Listen fellas, I must be on my way" Teddy stood up and stretched his arms above his head like a cat. "The night shift begins" he grinned.

"But you just got here!" Draco protested.

"A man's gotta work" the metamorphmagus said with a happy smile.

"Don't you have anything fun for us to do?" Harry whined, bored.

"Why don't you make out or something?" Teddy suggested with a laugh. Harry and Draco both went silent. "Gosh dudes I was only kidding" he said with raised eyebrows and a smile. The two other men visibly relaxed.

"You two need to get those brooms out your arses! Here-" Teddy threw a tiny bottle and Harry and another at Draco. Harry's landed in his lap while he looked down at it while Draco's quick reflexes caught it mid-air.

"What is this?" Harry asked with curiosity.

"My Rectal Broomstick Extraction Apparatus" the youngest of the trio replied. "It's a potion that'll chill you out" Teddy explained with a wink, swinging his knapsack onto his back. "Don't dare ask where I got it. Just take it"

Teddy let himself out of the house to make his night rounds in the alleyways, selling Asphixus Potion.

Draco inspected the tiny bottle. The label said "Asphixus – 1 dosage – 4 Galleons" and bore two small, elaborately intertwined letters: "AS".

The contents of the tiny glass vial were an ominous, neon blue.

"You don't think this is . . . drugs?" Harry said worriedly.

"I don't think Teddy would give us something that'd affect our health, Harry" Draco said.

"I suppose you're right. It's expensive though, innit? It's probably a mind-calming potion" Harry speculated. More like mind-numbing, but he didn't know that.

"Bottoms up?" Draco suggested, uncorking the miniscule bottle and releasing a strange but delicious scent.

"Merlin it smells good" Harry commented, following suit and uncorking his own vial.

"Mmmm, like Blueberry Sours" Draco sniffed the potion appreciatively.

"Let me guess, another Muggle alcoholic beverage?" Harry smirked knowingly.

"Of course" Draco grinned in return. The two men shared a glance before downing the small amount of blue potion in a single sip.

The effect was immediate. All of the men's worries seemed to float away. Their minds went blank. Their throats burned. Observing their surroundings, everything looked oddly far away, as if viewed from the wrong end of a telescope.

It felt good, and everything seemed inexplicably hilarious. The two men laughed away for hours at nothing in particular, their sense of sight being out of tune and their sense of hearing warped so that everything seemed slower.

When the effects of the Asphixus potion wore off and their sense of perception began to return, Harry commented lazily with a huge grin, "Whoever invented that potion is a right genius"

Giggling at nothing at all, Draco replied "I have to agree".

AN: What are the chances? Haha!

Next Chapter: Back again

"And you're coming with me to Paris".

. . .to be continued!