Disclaimer: Bleach, its characters and its settings don't belong to me
Look, at the risk of sounding extraordinarily arrogant, I hadn't been planning on listing down the details of senior night at fight club. Let's be honest, me versus student shinigami?
That was my intention anyway, I figured it'd be like shooting fish in a barrel. After all, Tatsuki was laid up (locked up), the Red Flower gang are careful not to get too aggressive, and the Lightning Hand, that's the elite Hakuda club, they don't seem to have too much of a presence at fight club.
I'm not sure why.
That just leaves the Black Circle elite kido group, and kido is just a little too indiscriminant to spar with.
Or so I thought. Anyways, we'll pick this one up in progress.
Senior night, I leave campus, release my Bankai, hide my Bankai coat in a tree and tie a bunch of green ribbons to Zangetsu. Check my hair, yes, it's white, slicked down and tied back. One of these days I'm going to wash the grease out and see what it looks like, but the last time I tried it wasn't long enough to stay in the braid and I looked like a giant patch-eyed Hitsugaya.
Anyway, I've got my gear, I roll back to campus and there we are, first night on the senior ladder.
Of course people are wondering what the new guy will be like. The current ladder gang are all pretty obnoxious to the new guy, and some of them started talking smack to me, which I ignored.
As in, just you wait until we're standing in the ring...
First block of rounds ended. Eight on the ladder got narrowed down to four. One poor son of a bitch got himself kicked off the senior ladder entirely for losing four matches in a row. Back to the farm team for you, my son.
Then something stupid happened, just one of those random accidents. I don't know how it did, I wasn't even watching, but all of a sudden a guy trips, twists himself up falling down some stairs and hits his head. Wham, just like that. Totally an accident, but this guys night is finished.
Suddenly there aren't enough people to fight. I'm like, shit, what do we do now? Hopefully they'll just call it a forfeit and move whoever the guy was scheduled against to the next round. That makes sense, doesn't it?
Well, no it doesn't, apparently. The room is full of people who've paid to see some fights, also some people who've placed some wagers. This guy can't fold, he has to fight. Except he can't stand up. People start making noises about cheating, after all it was a pretty silly accident. People start getting upset. I'm like, what's the damn hold up? Start the next round; I want to finish up and go home with a big bag of money.
Okay, I'll admit I didn't say the bit about the money out loud.
There were a bunch of whispered conversations between the guys who run the fights, the announcer and two or three of the bookies, but finally they reached a decision. Some runners are sent out. We're going to get a replacement, says the announcer. People start to grumble, we don't want a replacement. We want senior ladder fighters only!
Oh, you'll like this replacement!
No, is the consensus, we won't like the replacement.
Meanwhile I'm thinking that guy wasn't going to win anyway, so what's the damn hold up? Can't we start the damn fights already?
We want a senior ladder fighter! Says the crowd.
Silly me. Silly, silly Ichigo. Where are they going to get a senior ladder fighter? Are they going to pull one out of retirement? Maybe fetch Renji down from sixth squad?
"Ladies and Gentlemen," shouts the announcer. "Our replacement fighter! Shoujo Dragon and veteran of the Winter War, Arisawa Tatsuki-sama!"
And there in all her pissed off glory, newly liberated from the infirmary and catsuited up like Yoruichi in white, is Tatsuki.
She even overlooked the bit where she was announced as the shoujo dragon.
The crowd isn't sure they like this – has Arisawa-sama reached the senior ladder? Well, no, actually, but-
"Rise, Red Dragon!" Tatsuki pops her shikai, it's suddenly apparent that she can, and she's known to have taken down arrancar level hollows.
There was a single cheer, then a second. Then more. Crowd decides to make an exception here. Having achieved her Shikai release, Tatsuki was granted honorary senior ladder status, just for tonight. Meaning tonight I get yet another chance for Tatsuki to blow my cover.
Shit.
Third year president Hashimoto Yuki convened the meeting. "This meeting-"
"Shhh!"
She started again, more softly.
"The first meeting of the Is Kon-kun the substitute association will come to order. Our first and only order of business, to establish through logic, investigation and elimination of irrelevant facts whether second year's Sado Konshiro is actually Kurosaki Ichigo-sama. We have assembled a group capable of establishing this fact."
The president unrolled an arm length from a roll of heavy paper, carefully weighted the corners and took up a brush.
"I'd like to start by establishing pros and cons, from there I'd like to list our facts and see if we can sort those into proven and unproven. First reason that Kon-san isn't who he says he is?"
"He looks exactly like the manga," said the Head of Manga Intelligence. "Discounting the hair. And he has a Zanpakuto. According to my sister the Zanpakuto Zangetsu could be a permanent release variety; the kitchen knife shape would actually be his Shikai release. The manga is very vague about what Zangetsu's unreleased form looked like."
"I can think we can count that as two reasons for," said the president. "Next?"
"A counter-reason," said the Head Of Skepticism. It was her job to poke holes in other people. The fact she believed Sado-kun wasn't who he said was entirely besides the point. "Why would Kurosaki-sama be at the academy? Strictly speaking," sighed the Head Of Skepticism, "we haven't established beyond doubt that there ever was a Kurosaki Ichigo."
"Both valid points," admitted the president.
"Oh, now don't start that again-"
"I think," said the Head Of Reconciliation, "we might want to find some kind of plausible reason. Anything, it doesn't have to be a good reason. Why would a shinigami of that level be at the academy in the first place?"
The Head of Unswerving Faith answered. "The whole point is that The Substitute never came to the academy, he became a shinigami on his own. If even half 'The Substitute' is true it's only logical to assume the Seireitei has some use for him. If he's seriously being considered for a captaincy it makes sense that they'd want him know all the history, the kido, everything other Shinigami know. Despite what he'd already know."
"I can accept that," said the Head Of Reconciliation. "We have a basic theory of why Kurosaki-sama might be here. Is everyone in agreement that this is a suitable premise to build from?"
There was a chorus of agreement from around the table, which the president quickly shushed. It wouldn't do to be overheard.
"I think we need a two pronged attack," said the Head Of Relative Logic. "We need to know just how accurate 'The Substitute' is. It has names that match some of those we know are real shinigami."
"We should asked Kuchiki-sensei," said the Head Of Inadvisable Ideas. His job was ideas they'd really need to discuss. "She's in the Manga, she would know what he looks like."
"She's my Kido-sensei," said Skepticism, "on the first day of class she pulled him aside and made him see her in his office." Skepticism remembered her role. "But that doesn't actually prove anything."
"It doesn't," said Reconciliation, "but if Sado-san is who we think it would mean they're in contact, we can't overlook that."
"Kurosaki-sama wasn't bald," pointed out Skepticism.
"He has hair now," replied Reconciliation. "Just not the right colour."
"I wonder if we can find out what colour his hair is?" That was Inadvisable Ideas.
"Check his brush," said Skepticism dryly.
"I'll - that's not funny."
"Surely you've seen him in the bath," said Unswerving Faith. "You could-"
She blushed, and everybody grinned at her.
"Sorry," said Reconciliation. "I've never seen him in the mens bath."
"I've never seen him either," added Inadvisable Ideas, a little perplexed.
"I don't think I have," said Relative Logic. "That's interesting though. I mean I've never actually looked for him, but maybe we're onto something. Obviously he does wash, but where does he do it? Maybe we should try to find out if he even uses the mens bath. Maybe he goes into town." He grinned at Unswerving Faith. "We'll need someone to follow him and peep though."
Unswerving Faith blushed again, while Relative Logic and Inadvisable Ideas laughed.
"Should be simple enough," said Relative logic, "Tomorrow night I'll ask if he wants to take a bath."
Right, four fighters left. That would be me, Tatsuki, and a pair of upper years. I knew the first one, he was Red Flower, meaning he already knew, but the second I didn't know.
She was kind of interesting actually. I think I mentioned you wear whatever you bring, provided it's not the academy uniform. I'm wearing the bottom half of my 'official' soul reaper uniform. Tatsuki has the white Yoruichi rig. The Red flower guy is tricked out in something red and gray that looks like he mugged a shinobi and took everything but the mask. This fourth one though - I should have been paying better attention. She's wearing a snow white yukata of all things, and she's got really really pale hair and eyes - like Snowy - like me in fact on the hair department, more snow white, and her eyes are huge, soft and gray. And she's wearing a yukata for Christ's sake? What's up with that? How am I supposed to swing a sword at some graceful gazelle of a woman-
Next round. Tatsuki and - what the hell was his name? The Red Flower guy.
Shit. This means I have to face Tatsuki in the finals if she wins. She might not; she's great with her hands and feet but she's just coming off an injury.
Meanwhile the crowd goes nuts. There's cheering, there's roaring, there's a bunch of stupid people placing stupid bets. I can escape if there's any kind of bust, but I'll probably have to take the Red Flower guy and Tatsuki with me. Can't risk anyone developing a grudge.
Tatsuki and Red Flower man lock up. She'd resealed her sword – I guess because she'd got no experience using it. When is that stupid twit going to learn not to lock up with people who outweigh her two to one? How many times do I have to tell her? The inevitable happened, Red Flower set his feet and shoved Tatsuki back, following immediately with his sword flashing. Keep your damn distance you stupid woman! This is a sword fight!
Ah, she didn't have a chance.
"She's very good."
Huh? I turned, it was the snow white girl, she was standing beside me, looking into my eyes.
"Your protege I mean," said the snow white girl. "She's gifted, Kurosaki-dono."
I've been made again.
This is going to be a long night.
I really don't like going into a fight knowing I'll get in trouble if I kill my opponent. What the fuck am I supposed to do now? Just who the hell is she, anyway?
I'm not even watching Tatsuki's match at this point, I've got other fish to fry. Exactly who is this girl? Again?
She's beautiful, and so, so pale, with those gray eyes. She must be a hell of a fighter to make it onto the senior ladder. I have to admit I wasn't paying attention to anyone in the preliminaries.
Her breath smells like flowers.
Her breasts are enormous.
Where are you Rukia?
I wondered if I ought to grab her and flash off somewhere, have this out, but there were too many people more or less watching me.
"May we talk later, Kurosaki-dono?"
I nodded. If you're still alive after you tangle with me.
Tatsuki was doing well, tight and controlled, but she wasn't good enough to beat this guy without tri-
-tricks that Yoruichi and Soi Fon have been teaching her. Red Flower boy goes down.
So it's me or the lady in white against Tatsuki.
I still need that money.
"Shall we go, Kur-"
"Don't make me lose my temper."
She gracefully nodded. I don't know if this one has a sense of humor of if she's some damn noble or something, either way, she's trouble.
And it's our turn.
Probably not a good idea to kill her.
And... Go.
She's good, she's damn good. Certainly better than Tatsuki, possibly better than Fumiko, who I would have said was the best in the academy, other than me.
Fancy fighting in a Yukata. A white one at that. Her style is incredible, she barely moves, her arms only, and nothing gets through her defense.
Of course I'm the guy who took down Aizen, several espada and fought a pair of captains to a stand-still. And I'm packing my Bankai
How is this supposed to end?
I'm thinking lucky, let the new kid get through the snow maiden's defenses by 'accident.' Easy enough to do, the only problem is slowing down enough so other people can see it.
Had to make it look good though, and this woman wasn't playing along, dammit. I'd try to lean back, act like I was being pressed. She'd politely slow down to wait for me.
Enough, time to beat this girl the accidental way.
I looked into her eyes, deep into her eyes. I have to be able to see- to watch-
-As that ghost of a grin comes across my face-
-her eyes widen-
-Does she know?-
-I wonder if she knows-
-that-
Smash.
Her Zanpakuto shatters, breaks into a dozen pieces. I watch her turn to gaze on the broken off handle in her hand, her eyes wondrous-
-And the crowd goes wild.
Broken Zanpakuto. This round to you, Ichigo.
Along with assorted other problems. With any luck people will think breaking Zanpakutos is my special ability.
Okay, so Tatsuki next, then see what this new one wants.
Dammit, how can a night turn out so wrong if it's still going to end with a big bag of cash?
Tap tap tap tap tap. Yuzu toddled away from the Eleventh squad barracks, wearing geta and an adorable yellow yukata, oblivious to the heavy eyes upon her.
"Is she gone?" A group of seven or eight ferocious looking men stepped from the shadows, went over near the far wall.
"Someone has to do something about her, she's making the rest of us look ridiculous."
There was a mumbling of assent. Their eighth seat didn't seem to understand Eleventh division, something had to be done...