I still don't own Ranma or Buffy, so please don't sue. This is all done in the spirit of fun. And llamas. Anyways, say hello to the first major OC. The Buffy bashing, which I maintain was intended as humorous rather than malicious, should be just about over after this chapter. My appreciation goes out to Weebee for transcribing a good portion of this. Thanks for reading, and don't forget to floss. Review! I mean review, damn it!
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After a few classes that neither Faith nor Ranma had any use for, they found themselves in one of the most laughably pointless, to them, classes in the school: Phys Ed.
"All right, ladies," the stocky teacher barked. "Today you are going to climb this rope. Once you are done, or give up, you will be running the track for the rest of the period. Got that?"
"Why are we bothering with this?" Ranma asked in an aside to Faith. Unfortunately, she spoke a little too loudly.
"Do you have something to share with the class, Ms. Saotome?" the teacher said condescendingly.
"I don't see why I should do this exercise," Ranma admitted.
"So you're saying you won't climb a little rope, is that it?" the teacher sneered. "You won't make it long here with an attitude like that."
"That's not it," Ranma protested. "I just wouldn't climb a twenty foot rope. It'd be easier for me to just jump."
"It would be easier to jump twenty feet, straight up than to climb the rope?" the coach asked incredulously.
"Well, not easier, I guess," Ranma replied. "But it would be faster."
"And I suppose you also have a problem with running the track?" the teacher asked, only partially sarcastic.
"Well, it is a little too small for me to run full out," Ranma surmised. "Though I guess I could use the turns to practice high speed maneuvers."
"As interesting as this is," the teacher, who was also the coach for the women's track team, began, "I'm sure you understand why I can't just take your word as the truth. You're up first. Reach the top however you like, then go run the track."
"Alright," Ranma agreed before jumping, with the barest bend of her knees, to the top of the beam holding the rope up. Landing back on the ground, she began walking away, before turning and calling back, "I'll be on the track if you need me."
After a moment of gaping, the coach, currently thinking of finally winning a track meet, turned back to her class. Now somewhat subdued, she asked, "Does anyone else want to follow Ms. Saotome?"
Shrugging, and figuring she had no need to hide with Ranma around, Faith raised a hand. "I'll give it a try." At the coach's gesture to continue, Faith went up to the rope and took a crouched position before leaping. As her upward momentum dwindled, Faith grabbed the rope at about fifteen feet, in what was a ten foot vertical leap, and shimmied the rest of the way up. Calmly dropping back down, she told the teacher, "I'll join Ranma on the track."
After Faith had left the group for the track, a third girl timidly stepped forward. "I'd like to try as well, Mrs. Kowalsky."
"Are you sure, Ms. Spencer?" the coach asked. "Your previous attempts have been anything but spectacular."
"I'm sure," the girl replied. "I don't have to worry about being the biggest freak here anymore." Not giving her teacher time to respond, she made her way to the rope. After brushing her blue, obviously dyed, hair out of her face so it wouldn't obstruct her vision, she took her leap. She caught the rope at roughly the halfway point, a respectable five feet, and easily climbed up the rest of the way. Instead of hopping back down, she allowed herself to slide down the rope. "I'll just join the others on the track." Quickly turning, Ms. Spencer hurried to the track, her blue belt twitching occasionally.
Seeing the bluette coming towards the track, Ranma signaled across the track to Faith, motioning her to slow down slightly so that they could converge on the new girl's position. Whether Ranma's abilities in silent communication were effective or not was immaterial, as the end result was the same, even if Faith might have come up with the same idea on her own. As they came up next to the girl, after several more laps, they matched her pace on either side of her, so that they could talk. Ranma opened the conversation by bluntly asking, "So, what are you?"
"What?" the bluette squeaked, tripping over her feet. If not for Ranma catching her, she would have fallen.
"What are you?" Ranma repeated before clarifying, "You're definitely not human." After a second, she added, "At least not completely."
"How- how did you know?" the now terrified girl asked, "Are you the Slayer?"
"Nope," Ranma replied.
The girl nearly sagged in relief, "Oh, good, for a moment there, I was-"
The poor girl never got to finish as Ranma completed her former statement, "She is." Pointing at Faith only made it more blatantly obvious as to whom Ranma was referring.
"Eek!" the not-exactly-human girl squeaked, at a pitch barely within a human's audible range. A normal human's, at least. Once again, she was caught by Ranma before she could hit the gravel of the track. "What are you going to do to me?" she asked Faith fearfully.
"Well, that depends on what you are," Faith stated. "I don't believe that shit about all demons being bad and all humans being good that the Watchers try to feed us, at least in their shitty handbook. It also says that a Slayer should be willing to give her life, even if it's pointless."
"Really?" the girl asked, suddenly far more cheerful. "I'm half Nezumi, on my father's side. And my mother was an Amazon."
"That explains the blue hair," Ranma exclaimed. You don't follow their laws, do you?"
"No, I don't," the half demon replied with a shake of her head. "Mom got exiled for marrying Dad. How do you know so much about the Joketsuzoku, anyways?"
"I had to deal with both the kisses," Ranma mumbled.
"How could they use both on…" the girl trailed off before asking, "Jusenkyo?" At Ranma's nod, she asked, "So, what are you really? A boy or a girl?" Through some coincidence in timing, at that exact moment the sprinklers decided it was time to water the grass, soaking all three girls. Back in the school, the computer geeks who had hacked the automated sprinkler system gave each other high fives; one of the three girls was sans bra, positively making their month. "Never mind. Oh! I'm Jenny Spencer."
"I'm Faith, and this is Ranma," Faith said, introducing her self and her friend. Funny, she could not remember the last person she had applied that label to. "We'll have to check out your story, okay? Not that we think you're lying, but we have to be sure."
"That, and we need to tell the other Slayer to leave you alone, too, Ranma added.
Jenny's eyes grew to humorously large proportions as she squeaked, "There's two now?"
"Don't worry about it," Faith suggested. "Besides, we can't talk about it anymore. The rest of the class finally decided to join us."
"Wait a minute," Ranma began, as something dawned on her. Switching to a safer topic, she asked, "If your mom's an Amazon, why aren't you better at the Art?"
Jenny shrugged. "Despite what you've seen, not all Amazons are warriors; Mom's a blacksmith. She still practices some, like all Amazons do, but it's only to keep in shape. And, while I can use pretty much any weapon, somewhat, I don't really like fighting. Mom, Dad, and I all think it comes from my Nezumi side."
They had managed a few more laps in relative silence until Faith said, "Hey, I think the class is over. We have lunch next, right?"
"Yeah," Ranma agreed. "Good thing, too; I'm starving."
"Well," Faith continued, "I figure this is the best time to visit Giles, so Buffy won't Slay Jenny unless we have to." At the mention of Slaying, Jenny gulped nervously.
When the rest of Faith's comment sunk in, Jenny incredulously asked, "Giles is a Watcher? But he's so nice! He even found several books for me when there was a bunch of other people in the library."
"Was one of these people a very short blonde with reality problems?" Ranma asked grumpily.
"Yeah, I do remember her," Jenny said. "Though I'm not sure about that last part."
"Ranma's just mad that Buffy keeps calling her a demon," Faith confided.
"Just because Faith says I fight better than a Slayer…" Ranma growled.
"Better than a Slayer?" Jenny parroted in shock.
"Yup, I watched her take down like fifty fucking vamps without even trying," Faith confirmed.
"Oh, look, we're at the library," Ranma said quickly, wanting to change the subject, still not completely accepting the act of dusting vampire, even though she knew it was necessary. "Let's go talk to Giles. I want to get to eat as soon as possible."
"You would, Faith teased. Walking into the library and making sure no one was in the general area, she called out, "Hey, G-man, we've got a question for you!"
"Faith, did you have to pick up that infernal moniker from Xander?" Giles asked. When he saw three girls, rather than the expected two, he blinked and asked, "Ranma, Ms. Spencer, what can I help you with?"
While Jenny just blushed, Ranma answered, "We need some information about Nezumi."
Giles commenced with cleaning his glasses after looking over the girls. "Ranma, Faith," he began as he subtly gestured towards Jenny and asked, "Are you sure this is the best time?"
"Considering Jenny's using her tail as a fucking belt, I'd say so," Faith replied. At Jenny's shocked look, she commented, "You really thought we'd miss it twitching?"
"You use your tail as a belt?" Giles asked, looking for confirmation.
Jenny just shrugged and answered, "I have a four foot long tail; what do you think I'd do with it? I'm just glad most people in this town are oblivious, or changing for gym would be a nightmare."
"I can imagine," Giles agreed. "Now, let me just check the ENCYCLOPEDIA OF COMMON DEMONS OF ORIENTAL ORIGION." After taking out a horrendously large book, he began flipping through the pages. "Ah, here we are," he began once he found the correct page. "Nezumi are rodent-like humanoid demons. While proportionately stronger than a human, it is not by a significant degree. Nezumi, like rats, are very hardy and are among the best survivors in the world. While by no means pacifists, Nezumi try to avoid violence wherever possible. Except for the occasional plague bearing parasites, Nezumi pose no more threat to humanity than humans do." Closing the book, Giles asked, "Did that answer your questions?"
"Yes!" Jenny cried. "Now you won't Slay me!" Somehow she managed to glomp onto both Ranma and Faith in her excitement.
"Your mom taught you this, didn't she?" Ranma dryly asked.
"How did you know?" Jenny asked, letting go of her new friends.
"Experience."
"Now that that's taken care of," Faith began, "let's go to the fucking cafeteria, so we can get some food!"
Everyone agreed, so the three girls made their way to the cafeteria in search of food. After Ranma handed Faith a twenty, they joined Jenny in the line. "Oh!" Ranma exclaimed, "They have soup!"
"Don't bother," Jenny suggested. "The soup here is always nothing but broth."
Ranma blinked and asked, "Who said anything about eating the soup?" Gesturing towards her chest, she continued, "I've been like this for over a day. If I can change back, even if it's only for a few minutes, I'm going to."
"If it means that much to you, go ahead," Faith shrugged. That matter settled, the girls proceeded to purchase lunch, with only Jenny spending less than fifteen dollars.
"Come on," Jenny urged leading the way, "I'll show you where I usually sit."
The two girls obediently followed the half-Nezumi, curious about where she sat. While they were walking, somebody suddenly pushed his chair back, knocking into Ranma and causing her to fumble her tray. Acting quickly, she managed to save each and every food item, except for one. The cup of soup eluded her grasp and splashed over someone who was most definitely not Ranma. "Sorry about that," Ranma began before noticing who got splashed.
Buffy was most displeased. There she had been, innocently eating her lunch when Ranma, who was quickly becoming the bane of her existence, had spilt soup on her, ruining her new shirt. "What is wrong with you?" She demanded angrily.
"Eep!" Jenny squeaked, now recognizing the blonde as the other Slayer, and hid behind Faith. Faith, for her part, was feeling rather amused by the whole incident, and was glad she had not gotten splashed as well.
"Oh, hey Buffy," Ranma replied, not feeling quite as remorseful anymore. "I got bumped. I barely managed to save my lunch as it is."
"Then what was the soup for?"
Faith jumped in to answer this time, giving Ranma's breast a poke for emphasis, which earned her an annoyed glare from the redhead. "She wanted to use the soup, but her hot water avoidance thing is still working and shit." That said, Faith gently, if quickly, lead Jenny and Ranma away, as the argument Ranma and Buffy were about to start would draw far too much attention. After all, there was no need to give Snyder more stones to throw. "Come on; let's get to your normal seat, Jenny."
The mousey girl nodded her agreement and led the trio over to one of the more out of the way tables. The girls managed to have a quiet meal, devoid of such annoyances as over-zealous suitors or loud rivals. All in all, Ranma was quite happy with the choice of seating.
After eating, which had left Jenny gaping at Ranma's speed, Jenny, faith and Ranma left for their afternoon classes. Neither Faith nor Ranma saw the point of taking any of these classes, either. It was even worse for Ranma, however, because she missed the entire educational background needed to appreciate English literature. Having been around Kuno for any amount of time only made matters worse.
Finally, after another few hours of educational torture, the school day ended. Both Ranma and Faith were coaxing Jenny towards the library, as she was still very nervous about meeting the Slayer, or at least any Slayer other than Faith. "Are you sure I'll be safe?" She asked nervously, looking back and fourth between the other two girls.
"You'll be fine," Ranma asserted. "We'll be next to you the entire time."
"But what if they shoot me?" Jenny worried. "You know they have crossbows."
"With enough warning, I can catch a fucking crossbow bolt," Faith said. "And Ranma is much better than me." It is a testament to the obliviousness of Sunnydale residents that none of the students they were passing by blinked, or really even noticed the conversation at all.
"Ah, excellent," Giles said as the three girls walked into the library. "Now, before we start researching and training, I have to ask, Faith, Ranma, why was the gym coach crying in the staff room about finally winning a track meet?"
Before either aforementioned girl could even begin to attempt to answer, Buffy interrupted. "What is she doing here?" She demanded, pointing at Jenny.
"And how did you find a belt to match the color you died your hair so perfectly?" Cordelia added. It is always nice to see someone who knows her priorities.
"It-it's not actually a belt," Jenny shyly admitted.
"What's she doing here?" Buffy demanded again, ignoring the on-going conversation. "We can't have random people coming into a Theatre Club meeting like this!"
"It's not a belt?" Cordelia asked. "What is it, then?" A tail?"
"Act-actually, yes, it is a tail." Jenny admitted.
Oz, having avoided notice so far, said, "Cool. Nice to see another lover of the tails." He earned a small smile with that remark.
"Giles," Buffy whined, "Why did you let them bring some random person with them?"
Giles, by this point, had progressed past cleaning his glasses to pinching the bridge of his nose. Tiredly, he replied, "Buffy, if you had been paying attention, you would have noticed that Miss Spencer is anything but normal."
"You mean…" Buffy began. With a lunge towards the weapons cage, she yelled, "Demon!"
"Hey," Faith snapped. "Leave Jenny the fuck alone!"
"Why are you protecting her? We're supposed to protect people from demons like her!" Buffy exclaimed.
"I-I'm a people," Jenny nervously protested. This caused the majority of the Scoobies to stare at her incredulously. Unlike the others, Oz merely raised an eyebrow. Nearly cowering beneath the weight of the combined stairs, Jenny finished, "On my mother's side."
Wanting to avoid another irrational outburst, Ranma tried to explain, "Jenny is a half demon. Her Mom's human."
"You can do that?" Cordelia asked, looking halfway between curious and disgusted. She was mostly ignored.
"So, are you evil?" Xander asked.
"No-no," Jenny nervously replied. "Besides, Dad is less violent than most humans; he's a good demon, really!"
"There's no good demon except a dead demon," Buffy stated, her eyes firm and resolute.
"Later," Oz said as he calmly made his way to the door.
After the door had closed, Ranma leaned over towards Faith, and asked, "What's his problem?"
"Werewolf," Faith replied succinctly.
"Heh, should introduce him to Mint, then," Ranma commented, not that anyone would have understood it.
"For someone who has never read the Slayer Handbook, and, indeed, ignores it whenever necessary," Giles began, drawing Ranma and Faith's attention back to the group conversation, "You quote it quite well."
"If all demons are bad," Willow started, "Then why didn't you stake Angel when you found out he was a vampire?"
"But he was a good vampire!" Buffy protested.
"A vampire is still a demon," Xander added with apparent glee.
"Buffy, please stop," Giles said, before the blonde could continue. "Like it or not, there are entire species of demons that are not regarded as threats. The Nezumi, including Mr. Spencer, are almost completely pacifistic, fighting only when absolutely necessary."
"Fine," Buffy pouted. Turning back to Jenny, she tried to make herself look more intimidating, which would have worked much better had Jenny not been flanked by Ranma and Faith. After a few seconds of this psychological assault, Buffy asked, "Are there any more demons and half-demons in the school I should worry about?"
Blinking in surprise, Jenny asked, "You can't tell?"
"Would I be asking if I could?" Buffy demanded rhetorically.
"But, both Ranma and Faith found me out," Jenny protested. "And they were only around me for half a day!"
With a twitching eyebrow, Buffy growled, "Just answer the question."
"I'm the only one," Jenny squeaked, shrinking back between Ranma and Faith. "I'm the only one I know of who wanted to go to school. You didn't notice the entire neighborhood of demons and all of their families?"
"I usually patrol at night, and nobody goes out then," Buffy explained. "So I haven't noticed."
"Could it be warded against humans?" Willow asked.
"Mom is a blacksmith, not a mystic, so she wouldn't know. Dad's even worse at magic than Romeo over there," Jenny said, pointing at Xander. "Honestly, casting a love spell, on the Hellmouth! One good thing about Nezumi that your book doesn't mention, we're pretty much immune to mind-altering magics. I was probably the only girl not chasing you during that."
"How powerful was that spell?" Ranma asked nervously. She had long ago learned that love created through artificial means ends badly.
"The girls were willing to kill each other or me to keep anybody but themselves from having me," Xander admitted with a wince. "It was not a fun day."
Ranma blanched completely at the thought. "You're lucky I wasn't here then," she stated seriously. "If I had been caught like that, it would've been a slaughter." She shivered as she considered what some of her techniques could do to an untrained person.
"You couldn't possibly be that bad," Buffy scoffed.
"If nothing was holding me back, and I was depressed enough," Ranma began seriously, "I could probably level this town in about an hour."
"As fascinating as it is to discuss the destruction of Sunnydale," Giles broke in dryly, "We still need to continue researching the next Apocalypse and work on Buffy's training."
"Speaking of training," Ranma interrupted before anyone else could, "Can I use the school phone to call Pops? I need to ask him about something."
"Okay, maybe I'm being a little slow here," Xander began, "but why do you need to call the G-man?"
"Huh? G-man?" Ranma asked before recognition set in. "Yeah, I meant the panda who taught me the Art."
"You call a panda Pops?" Cordelia asked. "I should have known you were a weirdo like these losers."
Ranma glared at Cordelia. "You try calling someone something for sixteen years and see how easily you can stop."
"True," Cordelia conceded. "Though that only makes me ask why you were raised by a panda in the first place."
"Raised by a panda?" Ranma repeated in confusion before comprehension set in. "Sorry, forgot you all didn't know. Pops, or Genma Saotome, is cursed, too. He becomes a panda with cold water, and since he's fat and lazy, we all just call him that."
"So you're still on speaking terms with him, then?" Willow asked.
"Well, yeah. I am his only student, after all," Ranma said. "And it's not like we hate each other."
"He's not mad about your mother cheating on him?" Buffy demanded.
"Mom cheating on him? What do you mean? It's not like they were together at the time," Ranma explained.
"So the man who raised you knew you weren't his?" Giles asked, lightly polishing his glasses.
Ranma thought for a moment before answering, "Well, Pops was never really any good at biology, so I don't think so." The library was silent for several seconds as everyone stood in shock.
"Look, that's not the point," Willow insisted. "Giles is your father. Shouldn't you be concerned about how he'd feel with you calling someone else 'Pops?' I mean, don't you think you should get to know your father better?"
"Well, sure," Ranma said. "But it's kind of hard to jump right in, you know? I mean the last time I was really enthusiastic about meeting a family member, she almost cut my head off." A loud crack was heard as the lenses of Giles' glasses broke under the pressure of his cleaning.
"Wow, I've never seen the G-man that upset before," Xander commented.
"He didn't break his glasses when he thought I was about to die," Buffy grumbled with a pout.
After a few moments of silence, Faith asked, "So, Ranma, don't you have a phone call to make?"
"Right," Ranma agreed. "So, Giles, can I make that phone call now?"
"Yes, I suppose that would be best," Giles said from where he was currently retrieving padding to wear. "You can use the phone in my office."
"Thanks, Giles," Ranma called back as she made her way to the telephone. Faith and Jenny followed her into the office. A very long series of numbers and a short wait later, Ranma began her conversation. Unfortunately, for the others, Ranma's call was completed in Japanese, so it was incomprehensible to them.
"Wow, she seems rather frustrated," Jenny commented a few minutes into Ranma's phone call.
"Of course she is," Faith replied. "Who starts a fucking conversation with 'Growlf?'"
After another few minutes, Jenny squeaked, "Saffron? Did she just say Saffron?"
"Yeah," Faith agreed. "She said Saffron. What's so fucking important about that?"
"The only Saffron I know of is from a story my mom told me about her homeland. I hope Ranma's not talking about that Saffron."
"We'll just ask her about it when she's done with her phone call," Faith decided. Only moments later, both girls were shocked when Ranma started yelling into the telephone. Even more surprising was when Ranma growled, placed the phone on the ground and groveled before it, on hands and knees. Three minutes of apparent begging later, Ranma stood back up and muttered something into the telephone, before saying something else in a much lighter voice and hanging up.
"What the fuck was that about?" Faith asked when Ranma rejoined the two girls.
"Why were you bowing to the phone?" Jenny asked only a second after Faith started her question.
"Oh, that?" Ranma asked. When the girls nodded, Ranma sighed and answered. "Pops wouldn't give me permission to teach or unseal anything if I didn't perform the Crouch of the Wild Tiger for him."
"Okay," Faith began, "I have no clue what the hell that meant, and I don't think I want to know. So, what can you teach us?"
"Almost everything," Ranma stated, a gleam in her eye. "I can teach you the Saotome School, and the Umi Senken; I just can't teach the Yama Senken, though I can use it. Pops is mailing over the scrolls right now, along with my teaching certificate."
"Sweet mother of fuck, that's great!" Faith exclaimed.
"Ranma," Jenny asked nervously, "Who was that Saffron you talked about?"
"He's the bastard that made me a warrior," Ranma stated, her voice completely void of emotion.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Faith asked, surprised at Ranma's sudden mood swing.
"A martial artist defends people by defeating the threat," Ranma stated. Oddly, the air temperature in the room seemed to be dropping quite rapidly. "A warrior defends people by removing the threat, killing it if necessary. Just because Saffron came back to life doesn't change the fact that I killed him."
"Ju-just how strong are you?" Jenny asked, somewhat awed.
"What do you- oh, right, Amazon."
"What are you two talking about?" Faith asked, by now thoroughly confused.
"Saffron is a phoenix god," Jenny stated.
"I'd love to claim I killed a god, but I don't think he is," Ranma commented with a shrug. "And he wasn't even at his best. Besides, I bumped into a goddess before; she was much more powerful than Saffron. She kind of reminded me of Kasumi; I mean, her tea was great."
Jenny glanced at Faith, who looked like she should have the word 'Tilt' written in her eyes. Gently, she led Faith the out of the office followed closely by Ranma.
"Did you're call go well?" Giles called as he blocked another of Buffy's blows. As she continued her attack, he was forced to give ground.
"Well, it'll take a few days before my teaching certificate arrives," Ranma started, "so we're only going to work on the basics until it gets here. Then, we're going on a training trip."
"I'll have to get permission from my parents," Jenny said. "And they'll probably want to meet you first."
"You sure you want to join us?" Ranma asked.
"Yes I do. I might not like fighting, but I still want to protect myself and others," Jenny enthused.
"All right," Ranma agreed with a nod. "We need to find a better place to practice; not enough room in here." Turning toward the Scoobies, who were watching Buffy train while pretending to research, she said, "Anyone who wants to learn to fight, come with me!" Only Giles gave any sign of acknowledgement, a brief look over his shoulder and a nod. Said nod caused him to be hit in the head, as his attention was momentarily diverted.
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SPOOOORK!
There was an error during the typing process that I would like to thank Essai for alerting me about. It was a combination of dictating from prewritten material (it said Ranma, not Buffy), my proofreader thinking it made sense, and me not assigning much value to names, so I missed it during my proofreading.
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OMAKE by Weebee.
"Yes, I suppose that would be best," Giles said from where he was currently retrieving padding to wear. "You can use the phone in my office."
Ranma nodded, starting for the door to Giles' office before what she'd just seen registered. "Um, Giles, why are you holding a giant padded bra?"
Giles looked back at Ranma oddly, and then straightened his glasses with the hand that wasn't holding the aforementioned item. "Didn't your mother tell you? This is how we met."